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From Pain to Purpose with Special Guest Host Jose Flores · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

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This entire military is 1 cohesive, dedicated force and
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the threats to our nations, they don't sleep.
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They're watching our every move. Iran, Russia, China, North
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Korea, ISIS, Al Qaeda, they may be watching this right now.
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Our military should not be mistaken for our.
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Cable. News Gadfest show We don't care
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what you look like. You don't care who you voted
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for, who you worship, what you worship, who you love.
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It doesn't matter if your dad left you millions when he died
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or if you knew who your father was.
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We have been honed into a machine of lethal moving parts
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that you would be wise to avoid if you know what's good.
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For you we. Will not be intimidated.
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We will not back down. We don't want war.
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But if you want war, the United States of America, there's one
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thing I can promise you. So help me God, Military
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broadcast radio, the station that's giving veterans a voice.
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So my answer to going to college was join the Army. 1992 my life
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changed forever. PCs to Germany with with my two
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boys and really try to take advantage of the opportunity to
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travel, learn another language, the culture.
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It was, it was to me, the dream coming true, that everything
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that I've been going through was worth it because I was seeing
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another. Part of the world.
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That I wouldn't have had the opportunity if I hadn't been in
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the military. Planned on getting out in 2000.
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And that was really kind of a part of a joy in my life and
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getting married for the second time.
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And I looked forward to the future.
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Ended up kind of becoming disillusioned.
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And that was the whole housing bubble thing where the mortgage
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jumped from bank to bank to bank.
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My kids were counting on me to to take care of them, to ask for
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that kind of help done to help other women is make sure that
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they know what their resources are It it's.
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For a. Long time I didn't understand
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that my service in the military counted as a woman veteran, but
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nobody told me, hey Eva, you're a veteran too until I had that
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light bulb moment and said my service counted too.
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And I can tell you it's been a long road to learn how to dream
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again. The community was the solution.
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Be it churches, be it nonprofits, be it veteran
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service organizations or just people like myself.
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We are the resources. We are the solution to help
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keeping women off of the street, our women veterans housed and
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having the resources they need and not living in a car.
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City of the Work. That grows us as leaders for our
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second service after the military to serve other people
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in our communities. Hi, everybody.
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Thank you for joining us. Today is Saturday, May 3rd, the
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year of our Lord 2025. My name is Eva Fulton.
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I am the host of the From Pain to Purpose radio show.
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And as you can see, that's the trailer for my documentary From
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Pain to Purpose or Second Service Story.
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I have not put it out publicly yet.
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The trailer is out there, but I've still been putting it
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through film festivals and thus the, you know, the duplicate
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name. And it's also in some ways
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really kind of a theme set for what I'm doing with working on
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my PhD in public administration. And the way it's looking, my
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topic will be the unfulfilled needs of female combat veterans.
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And that's really from a holistic perspective of what our
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needs are since we've been serving in, in combat service
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and combat roles, you know, really for all of the women who
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are still, you know, around that have that have served in the
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military. So anyways, I'm, you know, I
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always look for some kind of words of inspiration from the
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trailer because I think that's really has been an impactful
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thing that has gotten me where I'm at and telling my pain to
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purpose story. But I think it's also a platform
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that can help other people share their story.
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And this year I'm I'm super excited to have the guy who
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helped me get my start on radio by being a guest on his radio
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show. So let me, I'll, I'll do an
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introduction for him. So this, this is, you know, I,
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I, my people garden is probably vast, right?
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But, but this person I met at work and you know, through our
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veterans affinity group at the federal workforce side of
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things, we, we both have had been working at HUD.
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I still work for HUD and you know, you find who your people
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are at work, even in the federal agency side of things.
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And you know, it was it's, it's nice knowing who your people are
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because you can have, you know, some conversations just know,
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hey, I'm having a good day. I'm having a bad day.
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But it's it, you don't really even have to explain anything.
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You just know who you can smile with.
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And we can be silly with up there on the stage for Veteran's
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Day and know who your people are that are going to help help with
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having a veteran's day program and handing out, you know,
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handing out the programs even and just being present and
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cheering on. So without further ado, I'm
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going to introduce Jose Flores. The interview of the week is
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brought to you by Jersey Mike's, a sub above.
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Thank you for letting. Oh my goodness, it's so good to
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be back in the house. Mikasa me gente, you know.
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What? Yes, yeah.
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Oh. My goodness, I I you know, let
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me tell you, it's it's crazy because you know, healing
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doesn't come like with a magic, but it should come with coffee
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and a freaking, you know, a support group because this is
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been this is. But I'm glad to be here of all
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people with you, even you've been you've been, you know, GR8.
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You know, that means great, my grandkids, be safe.
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But it's an honor to be here and and you know, have been here on
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your show is a great segue to me to get back into my my groove,
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man. So thank you so much, Gracia.
7:57
Gracia. Yeah, Denada, Yeah, I'm saying
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that, you know, I try to make sure I, I, I met, you know,
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couple weeks ago when I came back from Spain and I saw Magda
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downstairs and I was throwing her some words in Spanish.
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She was like, oh, let me give you a call with my
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pronunciation. I was like, you know, Texas.
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I didn't think I didn't learn how to speak some Spanish in
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Texas. I know, I know, I know.
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But no, it's it's it's it's, you know, like when I tell people,
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hey, spell socks, you know, you know, to the American SOCKS,
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less than 30 seconds. I'll show you how to speak
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Spanish, right. So SOCKSI know it's these little
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things. I watch Nick at night a lot, so.
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Yeah. OK.
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Oh. Man, it's been too long.
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You know, I remember that I was a guest on your show.
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I hadn't. I mean, I've done, I've done a
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couple of CBS Radio shows before as a guest with my book, but not
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anything for any kind of sustained time.
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But, you know, and just chit chatting back and forth.
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You had asked me on and I, you know, several shows and, you
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know, I, I, I've always enjoyed the banter we have back and
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forth. Yeah, yeah.
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You know, it was always great, you guys were, it was
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stupendous, 'cause I will, I know you, I will.
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We talked earlier. I am going to do El Camino de
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Santiago all the longer one once I'm done with with my stuff
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here, but yeah, I am. I think you need to do it from
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beginning to end and I think I think you're going to be able to
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unpack a lot. Yeah, yeah.
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And I got a lot, girl, I got a lot to unpack.
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We all have a lot, I just haven't had the time.
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You're going to have the time, dude.
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OK, I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to it.
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No, it's, it's, it's been good. But I'm, I'm glad to be back on
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and and I, I know that this is what I need.
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I, I know that. So, but if I had to be honest
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with you, so this is this is. Thanks well, I know for you just
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even like getting back on your Peloton and you know, posting
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your videos and pictures because you're you're an inspiration to
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a lot of people, right and and all of this was about
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resilience. That's why I named this show
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this that this shows the resilience you have.
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But you know a lot I'm sure that people don't even know.
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I mean, obviously you and I know why you took a vacation from the
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from radio for a while. Do.
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You want to do you want to talk about any of that?
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There I was. No, that's another story.
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No, no, no. You know, toward the end of the
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year, in December, my me and my wife split up.
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She. She we separated and I, I was of
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course blindsided. It was hard on me and I knew
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that what was coming it just, it just like cold water to the face
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and I was in a different place and I knew what was coming.
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Especially when you have PTSD, you know, it's like when you get
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on a when you see a car accident about to happen.
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And all I can do is brace, let me put on, make sure my seat
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belt is on. It's going to happen no matter
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what you do. So when that happened to me and
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I was just, I was lost. I was disorientated, I got
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depressed. The same things that we all go
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through in life, you know? And so, yeah, that's, that's
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that's what happened. She left, I was left here and I,
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so the house I live in is 155 years old.
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I thought I was hearing ghosts, you know, I was in my house by
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myself, but it was it was actually me.
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But we won't get into that. But it was just hard to grasp
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that. So one of the first thing I did
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was to reach out to the VA, the Veterans Affair.
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I said I I need it now. We know the government.
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So I knew that was going to be a minute.
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But while I was going through that, that that journey, which
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was really dark, I was helping a veteran out one of my colleagues
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husband and he was going, he was really big into church.
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You know, he was church and not saying that I wasn't into
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church, but when I was at my deepest, my lowest point, when I
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was dealing with with with this divorce and I was trying to
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reconcile, he, he asked me the question.
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He said, do you believe that Jesus Christ died?
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It rolls three days later, you know, and I said, yes.
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And at that moment, I just felt something could come off me, You
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know, it just I was like, wow, I didn't expect that.
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I didn't know what to expect. It was like, you know, and ever
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since then I've been working and I want to send a shout out to my
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girl in New York out there. You know who you are.
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She's been helping me through a lot.
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And a couple of people at at a HUD, you know, and I think the
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biggest thing since I've been going through this is having the
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support of people like you and my love and I never knew I'm so
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used to let me back up. One of the things we learned in
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the military Selfless service. Right.
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You know, and you're so used to giving, giving and you don't
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expect anything back. And it was like I, I felt it
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felt really weird for me that people were reaching out to me.
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I said I'm OK. And in fact, many people didn't
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know until I posted that video that I posted on Facebook about
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while I was going through. But.
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When you went to your son's wedding in Hawaii.
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Hawaii. Oh, my God, that was stupid.
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This how you doing? OK.
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Oh, my God. OK, OK, Jose, back on.
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All right. Thank you.
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But no. And I'll talk about that.
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I was, I got, I got his laws out there.
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But I mean, so going through this journey has been, has been
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so challenging. And you know, we all go through
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those stages of grief, right? And.
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Man, it was it, it was hard. It was hard for me and you know,
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and I will tell you some of the things that that they that I, I
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felt like I failed as a man, you know, so this is the mortal
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self. And I said man, as a man, I
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failed. I can't believe, but what could
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I done? And you start replaying this
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thing that you'll never get an answer to sometimes, you know,
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right, right. So that's.
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Because sometimes you don't. You don't want the answers.
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It's better not to ask the question you don't want the
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answers to. Yeah, you're absolutely correct.
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Yeah, you're absolutely correct. And, and, you know, in between
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that we, we were talking and she had told me some of the things
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that I need to work on. And I, I said, yeah, OK, I see
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that, you know. Yeah.
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But you know what, I don't know that I necessarily always own
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something that because that's just their perspective.
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That doesn't mean with somebody else or whatever that you might
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not have that issue. I mean, that's just their
15:18
particular perspective because sometimes people deflect back
15:23
the very thing that they're actually doing themselves.
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So they want to point the blame at you as if you're the only one
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that's done something that needs to be fixing.
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When they can't look in their own mirror and say, you know,
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maybe I'm I'm 50% of the problem or 75% of the problem, but you
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were just merely reacting to whatever she could have been
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doing. I'm just saying there's always
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two sides of the story, but don't always own that everything
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is just your fault because she said it.
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Right. And, and you're right, sometimes
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you can't control somebody else's choices.
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I mean, it's, you know, and, and that was like a hard pill to
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swallow, like Motrin size, like they, it was gave us an army,
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you know, and but I do need, I do recognize that there are
16:10
things I need to work on, you know, and I'm working on them
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hard. And you know, like you said
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earlier, sometime it's hard to look deep inside you.
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You don't want to look in there. What's the net drawing it's?
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Like what? You know, it's like.
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It, you know, in my people gardening side of things, when
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you start digging the rocks, you know, if you've cleaned all of
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the worldly stuff away, right, and, and you start trying to
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till the soil because you're ready to start, you know,
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planting your garden, you start discovering, yeah, there's some
16:46
big rocks there. Well, nothing's going to grow
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where those big rocks are. But when you start and, and, you
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know, uncovering these rocks, sometimes they're deep and you,
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you've got to just move them out of the way and not let them
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occupy space because that's really what they're doing is
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occupying space. Yeah, no, no, you're absolutely
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correct. And, and I had a there was a lot
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of rocks I had to move, you know, a lot.
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And I'm still moving them. We.
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Always we. We always will though.
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Oh yeah, I you're right. We always do, you know.
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The farmer does every time they till, right.
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This is, this has been the spring farming season.
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And you can see the farmers, they run those, you know,
17:31
machines and they're tilling up the soil.
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But they're those, those rocks are always coming up to the top,
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even out there. And they've been farming those
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fields for how many hundreds of years?
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Yeah, right. And it's still, they still come
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to the top, but that's OK. Yeah, yeah, I guess as, as long
17:53
as we're moving forward, you know, 'cause there was a point
17:57
where I just wanted to stop, you know, and just, you know, this
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is, this is the PTSD and that we'll talk about it, you know, a
18:05
little bit more how it, and, and you just want to stop.
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Like, you know, what good am I? These are just milliseconds.
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No, no, no, no, I keep it moving.
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I, I know, but then, you know, I keep it moving.
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It's like, you know, and, and that's when we talk about 22,
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you know, but with me it was like, no.
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And I, it was something I, I blinked and I kept thinking I
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said, no, I'm staying here. I ain't going nowhere, you know.
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You got a purpose. You got a purpose.
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Yep. Yep.
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Absolutely, Absolutely. Well, when we come back, we will
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go ahead and touch on those subjects and you know, some of
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the other changes that we know have been happening out there in
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the work land. So I I know we both like the
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sacred flowers videos. So I'm going to go ahead and
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play that. OK.
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And we'll be back after this. None.
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I know, that's always so powerful, isn't it?
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It is. It is, especially with the hand,
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the red. Yeah.
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So I'm Eva Fulton, the host of MBR.
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Sorry, MBR get the whole script in my head.
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I'm I'm Eva Fulton, the host of the propane to purpose radio
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show here on MBR where we give veterans a voice.
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And I'm super thrilled that Jose Flores, who has been the host of
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the motivated mindset is making his re debut with me today.
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Hey, James. What's up?
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What's up? How you?
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Doing OK so we've been Co workers at HUD and I'm I'm still
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hanging on I didn't I haven't taken the drip or the drip to or
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put in the Vera yeah I have family members counting on me so
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I'm just not ready to to take that financial plunge yet I'm
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still working on you know my side gigs to sustain me whenever
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whenever I can retire I'm I'm still I'm still too young to
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retire so. I know.
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Yeah, I got you. You must use Oil of Olay.
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No, you know, actually I I did something different.
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I put on some. What's the other?
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It's not. I put Castor oil on my face
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last. Really.
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Yeah, did you know that? That's the thing.
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No. Does it do for Castor oil?
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Is it good for radios? It's.
24:22
Supposed to moisturize and, you know, give you that youthful
24:27
look so. Wait, does it help you grow
24:29
hair? I don't know, it might.
24:32
I'll have to do some research for you on that one.
24:36
Oh my goodness. Okay, so Jose, you know, we just
24:40
have, I guess a certain, I want to say kinship.
24:44
I don't know what else to say. You know, we just have a, we
24:47
just, we just always hit it off very well that we could laugh.
24:52
And it's not ever about putting a, a, a mask on, but it's really
24:57
just, we've always had just great conversations and we reach
25:02
out to each other occasionally. And, you know, I was one of
25:06
those people in your people garden that was happy to check
25:09
in and take the call and just be able to, you knew that you had
25:14
somebody that cared. You've got a, you know,
25:16
obviously a great number of people that care.
25:19
But I think that's the whole point of growing your people
25:21
garden too, right? Who are the ones that you can
25:24
count on even when people decide to leave out of your people
25:29
garden? And you know, those are their
25:31
choices. They're not necessarily our
25:33
choices, but then it becomes our choice on how we respond to
25:38
those events. But you've also had some other
25:41
things happening here recently that have changed your life and
25:47
another kind of grieving. So do you want to talk about
25:49
that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:51
And just to go and even you were one of the first people I called
25:54
when I went through this. And thank you.
25:56
I mean, you're a lifesaver, you know, But that's, you know, one
26:00
thing about the military, blood does not define family.
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People always get caught up in that.
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So you were one of. So for that, I thank you.
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And sometime I reached out, you answered, we talked and it was
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just great. You know, you talked me off the
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ledge, you know, So it was, it was good.
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I always, always loved that. But yeah, you know, when when
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just to go with the PTSD when we left off and hits you
26:24
differently every. It's like everybody gets
26:26
affected by it, you know, and, and sometimes being inside your
26:30
head, it's like being in a haunted house for me, you know,
26:34
but I've worked through it. I, I think I had said I reached
26:38
out to the Veterans Affair. They, they, they gave me a
26:42
temporary psychiatrist so I can talk through, you know, and
26:46
I've, and they gave me community.
26:47
So that means in my community I'll be able to see a mental
26:50
Wellness person. So I'm waiting on that.
26:52
So that's a good thing. But one of the things that that
26:56
I've started back on was like when she mentioned the Peloton
27:00
back to hitting something a routine and back to the gym.
27:04
And you know, you know how important that is, you know?
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I kept pushing you, all right, We're we're, you know, but you
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had other people. Hey, man, I remember you were
27:11
telling me on phone call one time you had one of your guys
27:14
that you checked on was, Hey, where's your videos?
27:19
They they were checking on you because they missed your videos.
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So what was, you know that that's important for people to
27:26
recognize those signs that sometimes we don't always reach
27:30
out, but we leave those bread crumbs when something is
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happening. And that's when we in the People
27:38
Garden can say to can take action and check on you too.
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Yes, he was my one of my one of my section chiefs in Germany and
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he reached out to me and they was just like, hey, I haven't
27:51
heard from you. So then I had to call him back
27:53
because every again, I reach out to like 10 to 15 veterans, what
27:57
we call buddy checks. We're used to buddy check.
27:59
Some are one minute long, some are one hour long.
28:02
You know, it's just you know, and then that all had came to AC
28:07
store that but more important, the videos, the thing I put on
28:10
my Facebook and he wasn't the only one.
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There were a couple of people and I got so emotional because I
28:16
wasn't expecting that, you know, it was like, wow, you know,
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it's. Like they missed you.
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It was a sign to let you know that people missed you.
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Yes, yes. And and that's that's gives you
28:30
that sign of resilience that, you know, if you're not doing
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that, people are going to miss you.
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Yes. And what what you just said all
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that help me start loving myself again.
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Yeah, you know, and once people were giving me love that I'm
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used. I'm just used to giving just
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like what you know? And then and receive it.
28:50
You were suddenly receiving it. Yeah, I was like, oh, my
28:53
goodness, I said this is I mean, you know, and and and I learned
28:58
to give myself grace, you know, and because we're so hard on,
29:03
on, on sometimes on our own selves, you know, that's right.
29:06
And once I was able to open my heart, you know, to my faith now
29:11
and to people, because it's it took me a long time even to
29:14
accept. Thank you.
29:15
Oh my God, when somebody compliments you and it was hard.
29:19
Now I'm learning to accept it and that's helped me to heal.
29:24
Do you think our military culture kind of teaches that
29:29
don't say thank you, Oh, I'm just doing my job, right?
29:34
OK. There's a point of doing your
29:36
job, but then there's the point of receiving thank you because
29:42
somebody that took energy for somebody to say thank you,
29:46
right? Yeah, and absolutely.
29:48
But you're right, you know, just when I was in the Army as an
29:53
NCO, that was my job. We're behind the curtains.
29:55
We do it. Or even as an officer, that's
29:57
staff officers that's just busting their butt, you know,
30:00
it's like this is what we do, you know, and it took a while.
30:03
Even now as a civilian, it's still in me.
30:05
It's still in me, you know, and that was part of the the
30:09
struggle I was having when I was going through this thing as an
30:12
as an Army guys, what do we say? Embrace the suck.
30:18
Yeah, but even if you're embracing this suck, yeah, you
30:22
still got to put something back in for the next time.
30:26
Yes. No, no.
30:28
So when when I started getting all these people that were
30:30
coming back to me, giving me some love, giving me support, it
30:34
motivated me to get back on. And let me tell you, Eva, that
30:37
first week was terrible. Getting to the gym.
30:40
It was like, like I felt like I was 100 years old.
30:43
I got to get up at one time to do that, you know, and I won't.
30:47
And you know, and the first time I got on my Peloton, I went.
30:54
You weren't, you weren't. You weren't cranking.
30:56
It out. You weren't cranking it out for
31:00
an hour, were you? No, no, I was not.
31:03
But once I started on my routine, like we talked about
31:07
getting back to the routine, finding the structure, it became
31:10
easier. And then now let's throw on the
31:12
the drip too, right? So.
31:15
Let's edge people up. What is what is the drip?
31:17
I mentioned the drip we need. To, I think you could say, I
31:21
think, tell them what I think. It's just something.
31:25
Yes. So it's the delayed, it's the
31:27
late retirement. Yeah, it's the delayed
31:29
retirement from the federal workforce.
31:32
So, you know, we've been federal employees.
31:35
He's not anymore. I still am, but we're federal
31:40
employees or I'm a federal employee.
31:42
Anyways, we both work for the same department, so that's how
31:44
we met. Jose worked in EEO office and I
31:49
work in a program office. But I've I've been involved with
31:53
the veterans affinity group and now serve as the vice chair.
31:57
But you know, you meet a lot of great people.
31:59
So, you know, they're you know, this is part of the downsizing
32:05
of the federal workforce. And, you know, I'll be honest
32:10
and say, you know, thank you, Jose, for taking one for the
32:13
team and retiring to that, You know, that's leaving an option
32:19
for somebody else that they can still stay and played.
32:22
You know, and I and I think that that's part of it, right, is
32:27
that that's some people are ready for the change or are in a
32:32
better position for the change. I still have family members
32:35
counting on me financially, so taking the group is not an
32:39
option. So I'm, I'm praying, literally
32:44
praying that you know, I'm protecting the group and you
32:47
know, everything will be good there.
32:49
But how, how has this changed? Because it's not just one
32:54
whammy, it's a double whammy. It's a.
32:55
Double whammy, making a decision while you're in a decision that
33:00
you can't make because you still don't understand what's going
33:02
on. So with all that I had, and I
33:04
had to take a week off work, my job at HUD was the alternative
33:09
dispute resolution coordinator, dealing with people's problems,
33:14
right? In the middle of your own storm.
33:17
Yeah. And I'm like what?
33:19
You know, and I told him, I remember telling my, my, my
33:22
leader say, hey, I need to take a pause for the 'cause I need to
33:25
step away because I cannot be as efficient to do this job.
33:30
And he did. They, they were so supportive.
33:33
So once I, I was able to do that and I missed the first drip,
33:37
drip one, but I said, well, I'm going to retire.
33:41
And when I put in for it, that's when they came out with drip 2
33:45
and I said put me on it. It was a hard decision to make,
33:49
but it was my health that was being affected, you know, and
33:52
among other things, you know, going through this, what I this
33:55
divorce too. So, yeah, it was, it was, it was
33:59
challenging, but now I'm back in the routine, you know, I'm here,
34:04
I'm, I'm, I'm digging it. I got so much love out there.
34:06
I've met so many beautiful people.
34:08
How you doing? OK.
34:10
And it's and it's just been, you know, happy, happy joy, joy.
34:16
Granted, there are moments where I feel it, you know, and then
34:20
like a wave, I just, I think I told you earlier, my anniversary
34:24
came up on the Facebook and, and I just sat there.
34:28
Normally I would just swipe it. What I did was I said that and
34:31
for the moment, I just let it go through me, you know, I, I had
34:35
to feel it. So once that happened, I was, I
34:38
was able to go on and, and, and kept it going.
34:42
So that's I would think, I would think that.
34:45
That actually shows a big a big growth area to have.
34:53
Just not be angry and swipe or just be flipping and swipe or
34:58
just, you know, that, that you that was that's a, that's a huge
35:03
sign of some emotional intelligence, just being able to
35:06
sit in peace in that, right? I mean, I don't know if you
35:09
heard part of Red's show a while ago with him, right?
35:12
And finding peace, I mean, and it sounds like that's where
35:16
you're finding some peace in, in going through both of these
35:22
situations because in some ways, neither was really in your
35:29
control. And that's probably the hardest
35:31
part is Jose's not at the wheel. You were at, you were a
35:36
passenger. That was like time to get off.
35:41
But not just. Once but twice, you know, and
35:45
and so that's. Why I named?
35:46
The show resilience because that's where you're finding your
35:51
resilience. Where are your push points that
35:54
you even are, you know, experiencing on the peloton
35:57
that, you know, getting back on is one thing, but then it's
36:01
about the resilience and being coming back and being
36:04
consistent. Yes, yes.
36:07
And, you know, I'm taking care of the body.
36:08
And then now spiritual mind. Body.
36:11
Yeah. Body and spirit, I mean.
36:14
Wow. And, and on the Spirit side,
36:16
just learning to walk the walk and, and give it to him, to God,
36:21
who I serve now, you know, and I'm learning that every day.
36:24
You know, I got, I got the, the Bible here, you know, and I'm
36:27
still learning. And I found the church, I found
36:31
the church that I'll be going to.
36:32
So those I got something to look forward to.
36:35
You know, it ain't just, and I think that's when you talked
36:38
about hope. We all need hope.
36:40
We all need faith. We all need something.
36:43
Yeah. So that's been such a good
36:46
thing. And for me, humor is probably
36:48
the biggest thing for me, humor is what keeps me going, you
36:52
know, because if you can't laugh at yourself, and I do all the
36:56
time, you know, then you know, it, it, it's, it, it doesn't
37:01
help you if you, if you don't have that kind of humor and be
37:03
able to take things to help you, you know, in a world.
37:06
So, yeah, I, I try to do that, you know, So, I mean, I, I said
37:10
I've been through war, I've been through heartache and I survived
37:13
New York City traffic. Excuse me.
37:16
I'm like, you know, that's why I don't drive.
37:18
I take Amtrak, you know what I'm saying?
37:21
I think even. Even surviving the metro station
37:24
is good metro. Yeah, no, absolutely my my
37:26
latest is. Can I survive the commuter bus
37:30
going on? I've spent almost as much time
37:33
on the commuter bus as I didn't work.
37:38
It, it, it is crazy. And, and, and another thing
37:41
that's happened is getting closer to my grandkids, you
37:44
know, having that time when we talked about what are you doing
37:47
now? I'm actually making a you're
37:50
more present and engaged. Yes, I am.
37:53
I can be. There for a lot of this stuff
37:55
and support them and watch them grow like flower like people
37:59
garden yeah you know so all those things that are happening
38:04
has been keeping me moving forward to be a better human
38:08
being be a better friend be a better you know person for God
38:12
you know and faith and so on so that's very important and I'm
38:15
still taking baby steps you know and I'm I think that's all you
38:20
can. Do you know, even getting on the
38:22
Camino sometimes, you know, you did that downhill.
38:27
You did a doozy of a downhill and you're going to find that
38:31
little Tom for peace and just kind of getting settled.
38:34
And then you're going to find another uphill to go to.
38:37
And you know, you're going to get through it.
38:40
But that's life, right? The life is up and down because
38:45
God forbid, I don't think we want the merry go round, you
38:48
know? Oh no, we don't.
38:51
We don't think about it. We don't want the life of a.
38:53
Merry go round. So no, we don't.
38:57
MJ. She's good.
38:59
Evening, Eva. Saturdays, Jose.
39:01
You're so motivational. Just love your energy.
39:04
Thank you, MJ. Thank you, MJ.
39:06
I'm I'm looking forward to coming back.
39:07
Thank you. Thank you.
39:08
And you go, go ahead. No go.
39:12
Ahead. OK, I'd like to regain.
39:13
I was just going to say. You know, I was just done with
39:16
Redwall ago. Hello to both of us and and into
39:23
the weeds. Good to see you together.
39:25
So you know, I was on Amber's show a couple of weeks ago.
39:29
Was it last week? That was fun.
39:32
I have I did three shows in one day that.
39:36
Was wild. But you know, that was we did
39:39
the part of the Gypsy Rose story and looking at evidence and
39:45
stuff like that. So that was it was kind of cool
39:48
and nerdy. Oh.
39:51
My goodness, you know, I as I, it just hit me as I said here,
39:57
that I'm glad that I'm part of this community.
40:00
You know we're the great NBR. Team, don't we?
40:05
Yes, Yeah. This is what?
40:08
You know you don't know. You don't know what you need
40:10
until until you need it, you know, until it's there, you
40:13
know, and, and this is something that I know I, I needed and I'm
40:16
glad that I'm here. And I just, you know, I just
40:23
want to learn from what just happened to me.
40:26
You know, I, I need to learn and, and, and help somebody
40:30
else, you know, pay it forward, you know?
40:32
Oh, for sure. That's well.
40:34
That's part of you're. Finding a.
40:35
New purpose, right? We're going to flip this and and
40:39
you're so you're going to be, you're changing what has been a
40:44
trial into this. You know, you're paying into a
40:48
new purpose. And that was one of the reasons
40:50
why I knew I needed to have you on the show because other people
40:53
need to know that, that they are not alone in going through this
40:59
stuff. But there are resources out
41:01
there to help you get through it.
41:03
You haven't done it by yourself. You have a lot of good friends,
41:08
former, you know, soldiers that work for you.
41:12
And just even us have been, you know, out here helping.
41:15
And yeah, MJ says we love you, Jose.
41:20
I love you, too. I love.
41:24
You too, you know 'cause you can't heal in hiding.
41:28
Oh for sure, Oh for sure in. Hiding and you.
41:31
Know we're we're giving you some.
41:35
We're giving you some fertilizer and help.
41:37
Yes. What?
41:41
Would that be a rose? I don't know.
41:43
Wildflower, I don't know. I just had that.
41:46
Song I am a teapot short, whatever that's.
41:53
Called. Here's my.
41:55
Here's my handle. Here's my spout.
41:58
Oh my God, that's too long ago. Then when you're in trouble.
42:04
Hanging out together, this is what we do.
42:08
That's so silly. It's awesome, but it's
42:10
beautiful, man. That's, that's what it is.
42:12
I'm like, you know, and Oh my God, always laugh.
42:16
Yeah. You know when when you think.
42:18
That you figured out life and then it throws you a curve life,
42:21
you know, you're like, wow. You know, like I told you
42:24
earlier, I didn't think where I'm at right now.
42:26
It's like, OK, but sometimes, you know, you get humbled, you
42:29
know, in certain cases and, and, and you know, as we say, God has
42:34
other plans for you. You people say way he's got
42:36
something for you. But when I was in the deeps of
42:39
that, I was like, no, I ain't got nothing for me.
42:40
You know, I just got, I got $0.05.
42:42
That's all I got. I got none for you, you know,
42:45
but I believe in and and you know, if anybody out there is
42:48
going through something like this, you know.
42:53
You're not alone, you just. Got to keep showing up for
42:55
yourself because there were times where I just wanted to
42:58
quit. And I don't mind sharing it.
43:00
You know, when I was on active duty, I thought about taking my
43:02
life, you know, before I was diagnosed, you know, and then
43:05
whatever stopped me from doing it.
43:09
And it is like one of the most scariest feelings in the world,
43:12
you know, when, when you think about it like that.
43:15
But I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I'm here 'cause I have
43:18
people that love me. I need people that I need to
43:20
support, you know? And it's I'm glad that and and
43:25
people are supporting you. Oh, no.
43:28
Right. You're you're, you're.
43:29
Receiving, you're learning to receive and giving yourself that
43:33
grace. I mean, I've been posting about
43:35
grace and I've had several people, you know, say that, but
43:39
that's, that's hard. And I'm like, OK, charity.
43:44
Starts. At home, yeah, It's not just
43:48
about giving charity as a dollar figure to the church, but
43:52
charity starts here and you've got to you've got to fill in
43:58
your. This is tea, but you know,
44:00
figuratively you've got it. You've got to be able to get it
44:03
filled up because if it's not filled up for you, you don't
44:07
have anything else to give somebody else, Right, Right.
44:10
But if you've got. People who are helping.
44:12
Pour into you and helping fill this back up.
44:16
That's that's the whole point of the people garden is know who
44:21
are is going to be available and for us to help make sure that
44:26
all of our cups are full, not half full because half full is
44:30
half empty if you've only. Got half a cup.
44:34
For you, you don't have anything overflowing right to give to.
44:38
Somebody else? Right.
44:41
It, it's that, that is so true, you know, because even even when
44:45
I was going through this, if I go to Walmart or something, I
44:47
see another veteran and I will still stop and talk.
44:50
It's almost like, OK, let me put what I'm going through on the
44:53
side. And then that that military
44:55
comes out of your, that humanity.
44:57
It's like, OK, you know, I'm going through this in my head,
45:00
I'm dealing with it. But this, this person doesn't
45:03
even have a pair of shoes or he can't even pay for his meal.
45:06
So then I got to say, you know what?
45:07
I, I'm just blessed to be here. Let me keep working through it
45:10
because I know eventually I will get better.
45:13
And, you know, and that's, that's the best I can do, you
45:15
know, but we're here. I'm here in Brazilians.
45:20
One step at a. Time.
45:21
Yeah, yeah. And and.
45:23
I love everyone here that you know everybody that's here
45:26
because you were giving me love you supported me MBR has given
45:30
me the time to to take care of myself, which I love and I'm
45:33
coming back growing like a lion. You know you know what I'm
45:36
saying, but you know it's. You doing better lying than
45:41
that. All right.
45:47
Well, I'm going to go. To commercial for the veteran's
45:50
day cruise. We got to get on to this, right?
45:53
We got to get on to this and, and, and to make sure that we
45:58
share the news that there's some Sandals resort stuff that he's
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going to send me commercial on that you can put it to, you
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know, a, you can get some special pricing, $98 to start
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your deposit. So they let you kind of do a
46:15
layaway for your deposit to do a Sandals resort trip.
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But anyway, so we're going to go ahead and move into the the
46:22
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47:32
All right, I'm putting my. E-mail out here too, Eva at MB
47:36
radio dot US and that's if you want to go on that cruise
47:43
because I know that Red's going on the trip this week so he's
47:47
headed to I think they're leaving out of New Orleans or
47:50
something like that. So feel free to reach out to me
47:55
and we'll get you hooked up. But did you line dance to Jose?
48:02
Yes, I did can. You do the wobble.
48:04
Can you do? The wobble with me and I know.
48:07
Yeah, girl. They're gonna do that on that
48:09
cruise and the slide, of course. You know, we got to do all that
48:13
stuff on the deck. Look, I know how to do salsa.
48:15
Merengue, tomatoes, tomatoes, lettuce.
48:18
How you doing? Yeah, I can do it all.
48:20
Girl. Look, I I would say I remember
48:22
when I got Electric Slide in the Office 1.
48:30
Time, you know, when we did some line dancing?
48:34
Yeah, yeah, it was a, you know, it's a good pick me up.
48:38
It was somebody, I forget where I was at, but they were like,
48:43
OK, now we know who goes on the cruises.
48:48
All of us are. Out there.
48:50
Well, a lot of us women, probably just a few guys, but
48:55
we're the ones out there that we're not ashamed to get up
48:58
there and do the wobble and the dancing, you know?
49:00
Oh no, I'll get out there too. Don't.
49:02
Worry I'll be I'll be up there with you, girl.
49:04
It's all good. OK, I.
49:06
I'm just going to put in a request.
49:08
Can I have a smaller shirt? This is huge on me.
49:11
It's like a big potato sack. Oh my goodness.
49:15
It's a large, it would fit you. Jose, I need a medium or a
49:18
small. Medium or small OK.
49:20
I'll, I'll talk to the man upstairs to see what we can do.
49:23
It's all good. It's all good.
49:25
Yeah. It's just doing this right here.
49:28
Is, is, has has helped me so much a lot, you know, and I've
49:35
I've learned a lot through this about myself.
49:37
It's almost like every time you go through something like that,
49:40
it's like an onion. A new layer is I didn't know
49:43
that. Like, you know, got you, you
49:46
know, and I'm I'm realizing that that there's a.
49:51
Lot of stuff that. Was just forcing me to do is
49:53
just, you know, pause for the cause, take a break.
49:58
Let me step back and get to love myself again and be who I need
50:01
to be rather than than jumping into something, you know,
50:04
whatever that you know. So that's, that's what I'm
50:07
learning from this. But that's good and I that's
50:10
why. I knew it was important for you
50:12
to get back to your workouts because even working out you get
50:18
to get a lot of that tension out, right?
50:21
It was not just a physical thing.
50:23
I mean, I never even saw from your videos and the way you
50:27
posted, I didn't ever see that it was just, it was not just a
50:31
physical thing. I could tell from my observation
50:37
that you're working out was just as much of a mental and
50:41
emotional and a spiritual thing as well, even in a weird way,
50:46
because you were you were in the moment doing that and all of the
50:51
other junk didn't matter. Like when I'm on the Camino, I'm
50:54
on the trail, None of the other, all that noise that, you know,
50:58
even Brad and I were talking about earlier, all that other
51:02
noise disappears because you're in that moment.
51:05
Yes, and indeed. Can you talk about for anybody
51:08
that's new, what the that you did at Camino Santiago and what
51:11
it is? Because I, yeah, I do not know
51:14
what it is because I'm going to do it.
51:15
I'm please, please explain to them the Camino to Santiago.
51:19
Is is a hike that starts in Saint John font Pierre.
51:25
I think that's how I say it. SJPP for short.
51:29
It starts in France, but there are there are many Camino roads.
51:33
You know, we've had that map of before as one of your guests
51:37
with I had Anne. And why am I brain cramping all
51:41
of a sudden anyway? Yeah.
51:44
So there were three of us veterans on your show and we
51:47
talked about going on the trip last summer, but all roads lead
51:51
to Santiago. So this is this was a trail that
51:55
this particular version on the Camino process is the way of
52:00
Saint James. So you have to remember the
52:02
people in biblical times, they their goal was to get to
52:07
Santiago. They had this, there's this big
52:09
huge church there, the Santiago de Compostela, and and they
52:14
would make their way to finish their or Michelle Meshea.
52:19
I think it's how you pronounce it Meshea because that was the
52:23
end of the earth as they knew it.
52:25
I always think that song, it's the end of the world as we know
52:29
it. So I always think along when I
52:34
when I'm thinking about Phoenix there because that was the
52:37
furthest W most piece of land in the biblical times where they
52:42
could. It's and and and after you.
52:47
Go in the Camino because it is such a physical and emotional
52:51
and a spiritual journey that it is very cleansing.
52:56
Some people aren't so much in the spiritual side.
52:59
That's really a personal choice on how much you want to bring
53:04
God or whoever you worship in with it.
53:07
But I and there's not stations of the cross.
53:11
I actually looked that up to see if there were stations of the
53:14
cross to be able to do it. But there are so many crosses in
53:18
the towns that you could certainly do stations.
53:21
And the point of that even is to meditate between it, you know,
53:27
in your journey. So in some what you think about
53:29
it, I was helping one of my friends in, in some Catholic,
53:36
you know, with the catechism classes for the kids before
53:40
they, you know, get confirmed. And she talked about doing
53:44
stations of the cross and there's a video on YouTube,
53:47
probably other videos, but the whole meditate was just and then
53:52
back up again, you know, and and she said she had a hard time
53:57
really thinking about meditating in a, in a Christian meditation,
54:03
right, right. And I was like, Oh, I totally
54:06
get that because I actually learned how to do that when I
54:11
was on the Camino to Santiago, because when you were not paying
54:16
attention to your phone, other than really like, I took a
54:19
bazillion, you know, pictures on the Camino, You're not watching
54:26
TV. You're, you're not in your
54:28
worldly way of things. You are thinking about the three
54:35
Maslow's needs that you have a food, clothing, shelter.
54:40
That's really all you're thinking about and and your
54:43
thoughts. You know when.
54:45
You were on the. Camino And you're hiking and
54:48
you're going to have some conversations with the people,
54:51
but if you're walking by yourself to yourself and you
54:55
know, it's me, myself and I and God, right, you're having that
54:59
you have nobody else to have those conversations with but to
55:02
talk to God. In my opinion, that's how I
55:06
looked at it. That's and you know, in some
55:11
ways there's a lot of reconciliation that you can have
55:15
and a lot of understanding a lot of come to Jesus moments because
55:19
think about it. If if and we just finished
55:22
Easter and you know, Jesus carried the cross for us, how
55:30
many of us actually let him carry that cross for us, right,
55:37
right. And and wearing the crown and
55:41
giving him the rocks. I mean it.
55:44
This is the same rock that I talked about last week and you
55:47
talked about your rocks were bigger.
55:52
Do me a favor when you're out in your journey.
55:57
Probably walking your dogs. God's going to tell you pick.
56:01
Up that rock, it's. Going to be up to you to obey.
56:05
Him, but just listen to God when you have that conversation with
56:10
him and see. See how that journey?
56:15
Goes because he's going to talk to you.
56:17
You just got to let him look. You've got to be willing to
56:20
listen to him, yes. Yes, absolutely correct.
56:24
Yes, you can either put the earbuds.
56:27
In and and listen or you can turn them out but it's all you
56:31
know it's up to you yeah but I'll be interested to hear how
56:35
that journey goes. Oh, it's I'm I will be doing.
56:37
It I, you know, now that is something I will be doing after,
56:41
especially now, now that I know what I need to do.
56:47
The only one of the things I've learned during this process for
56:50
me is that pain changes you sometimes, but it doesn't have
56:56
to destroy you exactly like recognize.
57:02
It. Recognize it.
57:03
Absolutely. You know, with face.
57:05
Support and and good people and a little bit of humor.
57:08
How you doing? I think it could get you a long
57:10
way. I know that's what works for me
57:12
and it's been a long time since I've been able just to genuinely
57:16
laugh, you know, if you know what I mean.
57:19
Sometimes you're in company, you're like, OK, you know, but
57:22
that's one thing I've learned is to find my authentic self and be
57:25
happy and be able to help others who need it, right, You know, So
57:30
that's that's and thank you Eva, for having me here.
57:33
And to all the NBR family and people watching and, and, and
57:38
tomorrow, what is tomorrow's date?
57:40
You got it, You got it. I know.
57:44
I'm with. You How you doing, huh?
57:48
You like that? OK, I know.
57:51
I'm so glad we had that off before the show.
57:55
And I was like, OK, you going tomorrow?
57:57
Yeah, May the fourth lead. With me, Yeah.
57:59
Yeah. No, but no.
58:01
But thank you, Eva. It's been this journey has been
58:04
so I've learned so much. You know, it's been a lot of a
58:07
lot of hurt and a lot of pain, but I'm moving through the
58:09
because of people like you and people that I've met and love
58:13
and guidance and grace in in in God, you know, so I'm you're
58:17
going to be a regular on with me.
58:19
Now right I have. To you know, if you need me, I'm
58:26
here. I got you girl, you're so silly.
58:32
Well, thank you. Thank you all for joining us.
58:35
Today it's, it's, it's I'm super honored and that you were, were
58:42
willing to come on with me. And, you know, I've just been
58:44
sowing that seed with you that you were going to get back, back
58:48
in the grind of things and find your motivated mindset because
58:53
people are counting on you. They're counting on us having
58:56
our voices. And I'm just so thrilled that
58:59
NBR radio, you know, is here for us to do that.
59:04
And you know, I wish everybody a super blessed week.
59:08
And I'll be doing the show from Texas next weekend.
59:13
So right, yeah, I fly back Thursday.
59:17
No, Wednesday evening. I'm going to keep on.
59:19
I've got a busy schedule the next couple of weeks, so, but
59:22
I'll be Mother's Day. I'll be at home with my kids for
59:26
Mother's Day weekend. Happy Mother's Day to the
59:28
Mother's out there. See you evening.
59:29
Of course. All right.
59:32
Thank you. Everybody have a great day.
59:34
I'll be the same. Choose goodbye.
59:36
Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for tuning in to
59:40
Military Broadcast Radio. As we wrap up today's show, we
59:46
want to remind you that the podcast of today's episode will
59:50
be available right after we go off the air.
59:53
So if you missed any part of the show or want to listen again, be
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sure to check it out. And remember, we're here to
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