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9 Signs That you might be dating a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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What is going on, beautiful folks?
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Today we're going to be talking about 99 signs that you might be
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dealing with a narcissist early on.
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Early on in the beginning of a relationship.
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Y'all, early on. If you're new here, my name is
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Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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Welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Coat.
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To boom, welcome back. First, welcome back, welcome
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back. 9 signs that you might be dealing with a narcissist things
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right? This list right here comes from
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a website calledhealthhealthline.com.
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I haven't read the whole list, but it's 9 signs.
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I'm going to read the sign and I'm going to give you my
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perspective on the right. I'm going to put the link to the
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article in the description so you have a chance to read it and
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go take a look at it yourself. But these are going to be my
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perspective right here from the 9 signs, so we'll hop right into
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it. Y'all.
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The first one says they were charming at first.
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We know most people, not just narcissists, put their best foot
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forward when you're dating, right?
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When you're getting to know somebody, that's not necessarily
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a narcissistic trait, right? To put your best foot forward,
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not a pathological narcissistic trait, right?
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Because most people are going to put their best foot forward.
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Like you impact Survivor or Thrive or whatever position
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you're in, you're going to put your best foot forward as well,
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right? So that's what you're trying to
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do like, but narcissistic people are putting their a false foot
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forward. Y'all know the, the peg leg,
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They're putting the peg leg forward.
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So if you're putting your best foot forward, that narcissistic
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person, they're raising their like, hey, let me see your leg.
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They're raising their leg up and they're like a damn like Captain
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Jack, it's a pirate. They got a peg leg.
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They're walking around with a Nike boot on with a, with a
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Timberland boot on their peg leg.
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They're charming at first because that's how they get you,
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right? They're charming at first and
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the charm wears off. Like it's kind of like like
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makeup or, you know, an adhesive, something that's
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something that is naturally sticky, but it wears off, it
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loses its adhesion. Like narcissistic people lose
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their charm, right? That's what they that's what
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they do. They lose their charm over time.
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So if they were charming at 1st and they're no longer charming
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or you'd be like, what the you start asking yourself, what the
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hell did I see in this person that made me like them in the
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first place? You know, like, oh, that's it.
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They were charming at first. They're no longer charming right
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now, but they're they were charming at first.
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So that's how they get you. That's how they suck you into
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this space, right? That's how they reel you in to
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this relationship dynamic, right and whatnot.
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That's what happens. That's how it goes.
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This is, you know, they were charming at first, but never no
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longer charming. It wears off, It's falseness,
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it's fake. They're fake.
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They're fake people, they're inauthentic, They're fake as
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hell. So they were charming at first.
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It's going to be the very first sign, right?
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That's what that's sign #1 so I'm gonna Scroll down the list
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right here. Sign #2 They hog the
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conversation talking about how great they are, right?
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That's true for a lot of narcissists.
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Like when you first get in to know them, they're hogging the
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conversation. Like they're doing this, they're
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doing that. They are talking about
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themselves. They are hyper focused on
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themselves at first only like you can't get a word in because
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they're talking about themselves so much, right?
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You're like, damn, I, I haven't got a chance to say anything
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about myself. They just talk about themselves.
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They, they seem more, they seem more interested in themselves,
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in their own accomplishments than it is than they are in
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getting to know who I am and what I bring to the table or
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what I present not bring to the table.
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I know how to be triggered to some people, but not
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necessarily. But they were so worried about
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what I, you know, what I present, what I have going on in
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my own life. They're they're completely
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talking about themselves. That could definitely be a sign
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that you've done with a narcissist.
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But on the flip side of things, right, the flip side says that
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not all narcissists are going to talk about themselves like that.
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There are some covert vulnerable narcissists, right?
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That will allow you to, that would allow you to control the
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conversation, right? They will allow you to control
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the conversation. They will allow you to talk
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about yourself, you to talk about what you have going on.
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They are analyzing you. They're a logical people.
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They're getting to know you, they're getting to getting to
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know your likes and dislikes. So sometimes they won't talk
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about themselves at all. That's what a lot of narcissists
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do. That's what I would do when I'm
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getting to know you, I'll focus on you getting to know.
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I'll let you just talk. So it's kind of like you got to
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find a balance, right? There's a healthy people have a
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balance, right? Healthy minded people, I feel
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like we have a balance. Narcissistic people typically
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are going to skew majorly in One Direction or the other.
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They'll control the conversation or dominate it by talking about
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themselves a lot. But then you also get the
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narcissist. They just won't talk at all,
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won't share any kind of deep, deep facts about themselves.
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They're just sure, just enough to keep you interested and
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they'll allow you to damn near verbal vomit or to, you know,
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over share and whatnot. You over share and they get this
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how to get you. You know what I mean?
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Today can absolutely happen. Let's put #2 right there, number
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three, sorry y'all. It says they feed off your
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compliments, which is true. Like most narcissists.
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This narcissistic supply is, isn't it?
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They feed off your compliments. They need their validation, they
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need it. They thrive on it.
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They suck it up. They they just it's kind of
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like, you know what I mean? This is kind of like they just
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they they power up, they plug their they plug their charger
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cord into you. They're like, hold on, I'm
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running low real quick. Let me plug this into you.
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You had a USBC charger cable on your on your back.
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Let me put it. Let me put this into you screw
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and they power up off your compliments, right?
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Let me put the other end in me kind of like a avatar, you know,
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after the movie Avatar, when they were connecting their hair.
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This is how they do right there. They just connect their hair to
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you, their little blue dreads. They connect their dreads to
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you. I actually got dreads and then
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y'all, they just get that. They suck them off the
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validation from your compliments and a lot of times they feed off
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your compliments because you know, they might be physically
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attractive, right? But then also they might be just
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talking about themselves so much that you just complimenting
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them. So they feed out for that as
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well. So that could be another sign
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that you're dealing with a narcissistic person right there.
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The fact that they just, if they feel like they're getting high
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off of your supply, they probably are #4 they lack
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empathy. Sorry, y'all, I really, I really
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am. They lack empathy.
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So I saw the nameless narcissist sure this this statistic.
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He said it. Only 44% of narcissists like
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empathy. I got to look that up.
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But he said that because I don't think all narcissists lack
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empathy. You know, of all the diagnosable
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criteria, lack of empathy is, is one of them.
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But you don't have to necessarily lack empathy to be a
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narcissist. That's crazy, isn't it?
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You can have empathy a little. You can have levels of empathy
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and still be diagnosed with narcissistic personality
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disorder. I have, yeah, I have empathy.
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I have like, I don't understand. I have the most empathy, but I
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absolutely have empathy. I care, you know, and sometimes
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I hate the fact that I care. You know, I have just enough
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empathy to cross the threshold into being a self aware
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narcissist to help people. But like most narcissists like
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empathy, they don't, they don't care what you're going through.
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They again, this can go back to the first ball.
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I'll tell them about how they focus on themselves.
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They focus about how they feel what they're going through.
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They compare. It's like they damn, they're
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compare and contrast your experiences and you, they make
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you feel like you're always competing with them.
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You're like, damn, you're competing with them.
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Like they don't really care. You know, they lack that.
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It says that narcissists lack the skill to make you feel seen,
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validating, understood or accepted because they don't
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grasp the concept of feelings. That's what it says on the
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article right here. Like, yeah, y'all, the article
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be LinkedIn the description. I just read that part off of the
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screen. But narcissists lack empathy.
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They don't care what you're going through.
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They don't empathize with you. You're crying and they're just
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staring at you like you're going through something.
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You're sharing some type of traumatic experience and they're
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just staring at you like this. You're like my fish.
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My fish died and I haven't recovered ever.
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And you got tears coming from your eyes and they're like, yo,
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that's lack of empathy. They're not connecting to you.
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I'm not saying run, but I'm saying skedaddle.
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You know, the skedaddle, the fifth one, They don't have any
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or many long term friends, which can be true, yo, which can be
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true. There are a lot of narcisses out
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here. There are lone, lone wolves,
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lone riders. They don't even have close
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family members that they can call friends.
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They don't have people that they can hang out with and whatnot.
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They tend to isolate themselves or people or people just don't
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want to be around them. They're insufferable people.
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You know, I had AI, had a friend.
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We were good friends. Like he was literally a
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narcissist. He probably was more alone, a
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lot of the sociopaths because he's kind of crazy, but he
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people, they either really liked him or they couldn't stand his
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ass, right? They either really, really liked
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him or they cannot stand his ass because he he would always find
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a way to wrong them. He would always find a way to
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rub people the wrong way. He would always find a way to
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make people feel disconnected and out there.
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He would always find a way to alienate other people, make
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people just feel bad about themselves while being in his
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presence or being around him. That's literally the mentality
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of narcissistic people. That's why I don't have many
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friends and family members. I'm a loner.
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Yeah, and you could also be a loner.
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Being a loner doesn't necessarily make you a
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narcissist job. I'm just telling.
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You might be a loner as well. You might just like being by
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yourself. It doesn't necessarily make you
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a narcissist, but ask yourself why.
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Why are they why? Why don't they have any friends?
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Why they've why? Why are most of their family
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members no contact with them? These are questions you have to
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ask yourself because it may it will help you heal and help you
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make more sense of everything that you're going through, what
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you're experiencing. Like they could have some there.
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There are some narcissists, right?
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They do have some long term relationships, right?
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They do have long term friends, you know, those friends know
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exactly who they are. A lot of times they just deal
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with it. They just like, well, we grew up
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together. That's my, that's my man.
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We grew up together. This is how he is.
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They just accept that person. Like that's just how he is.
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He talks, he lied, he manipulate, he did see that
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blah, blah, blah, Boo Boo, Boo BBB.
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They'll say and do all that type of stuff like that.
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Y'all number six, they pick on you constantly.
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Yeah, at first it gets started off as like them just being
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playful, them joking. But when you set a boundaries
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like, hey, look, I don't like what you call me when you call
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me, when you call me Deadhead and they're like, oh, you're too
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sensitive. It stops being playful.
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It starts being aggressive. It starts being offensive when
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you ask them to stop doing it and they keep doing it.
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And then they start telling you you're too sensitive.
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You're too, you're you, you can't take a joke.
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You're overreacting. That's narcissistic right there.
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That's them stepping out, stepping over top of your
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boundaries, right? Just them stepping over top of
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your boundaries and not respecting who you are as a
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person or definitely in 100% not respecting any type of
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boundaries that you set. Hell no.
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They are absolutely not respecting any type of
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boundaries that you set. So you in your own space, you
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have to protect yourself right here, right?
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You have to protect yourself in this mentality.
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You have to protect yourself because they're not going to
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protect you. They're not going to do anything
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for you. They're out for themselves,
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y'all? They're out to protect
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themselves. They're out to gain stuff for
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themselves. They're looking out, drum roll
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for themselves, aren't they? So this is what you have to
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watch out for. This is what you have to look
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out for because they're going to continue to do this type of
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stuff because there's a benefit in doing this type of stuff for
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the narcissist, for the abuser, for the toxic person, right?
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They're going to keep doing this type of stuff because they like
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it, they enjoy it, you know what I mean?
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They're going to keep picking on you because they get the, the
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more of a reaction they can get from you, the more of a rise
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they can get from you, the better that is that they feel
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about themselves in their current circumstance.
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That's what happens right there. So they will absolutely keep
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picking on you and what not #7 is they gaslight you.
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So that so gaslighting does not make you a narcissist because
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some of y'all might be gaslighting, some of y'all might
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be you'll use them. Some of y'all might be
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gaslighters, right? But they like to make you, like
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a lot of narcissists like to make you question reality
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because the more you question reality, right?
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The more you question reality, the more they feel in control,
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the more the more they feel in charge.
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Lying is just a regular lie. It's not gas lighting, y'all.
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It's just not. No, no, gas lighting is more
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insidious. Gas lighting gets deeper beneath
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the level. Gas lighting makes you question
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your sanity. It makes you question reality.
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It makes you feel like you're going crazy.
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That's why a lot of times they refer to gas lighting as crazy
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making, crazy making behavior. It's crazy making you feel like
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you're going crazy. Like what the hell is going on?
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I feel like I'm losing my mind. Absolutely, absolutely.
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You feel like you're losing your mind because you might be, you
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really might be losing your mind because they're messing with
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you. They're manipulating you.
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They're getting into here. That's what a lot of abusive,
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manipulative, narcissistic people will do.
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They get into here, they'll mess with you, they'll confuse you
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and they'll just beat you. They'll just literally beat you
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down. This is what they do.
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This is what they like to do. This was empowers them like
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gaslighting is a tactic, it's a form of manipulation is a form
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of it really is mental torture pretty much.
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You know, So like, again, not all gaslighters are narcissists,
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but I would say that most if not all narcissists gaslight.
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Then Beetle just flew against my window.
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Y'all #8 They think they're right about everything and never
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apologize. Yeah, I feel like this this true
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about a lot of narcissists. They can never be wrong, right?
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And when you do prove them wrong, when there's evidence to
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the contrary, they still will not admit to being wrong.
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They will still just say, no, you're wrong.
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Or let's agree. They'll say this is the line
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right here. Let's agree to disagree.
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They'll want to agree, y'all? They'll want to agree to
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disagree, right? They'll absolutely want to agree
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to this. Let's just agree to disagree on
13:50
this, right? We don't need to be right.
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We don't need to do this. We don't need to do that.
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That's what they'll start doing. So do you have to protect
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yourself in these spaces, right, y'all?
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You absolutely do agree to disagree.
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Don't agree, don't agree. This, this is that a third.
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They will continue to manipulate you.
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They will continue to do this type of stuff.
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They will absolutely like to mess with you.
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You don't want to agree to disagree to an abuser, right?
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OK. Because like once they never
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admit it. Like if they start doing this in
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the beginning, they won't let up in the end.
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I'll say that would absolute certainty.
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If they are being abusive, manipulating, gaslighting, or
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doing any of the previous eight things that I've listed, they
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won't change them up later on because they feel like they're
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accepted. Now.
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If you're not going to allow it later, don't allow it in the
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beginning. You know, if you have to walk
14:31
away in the early on for somebody that you like because
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they don't respect your boundaries and they never, they
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have to be right about everything.
14:37
They never apologize that you might have to walk away from
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somebody you like to find somebody that likes you.
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Don't let that go over your hair right there.
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And the last thing on the list, y'all drum roll.
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When you show them you're done, they lash out.
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When you show them you're done with them, they lash out at you.
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Yeah, rejection breeds obsession.
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When you think, when you think, when a narcissist thinks you're
14:59
done with them, they don't want to accept the reality of it.
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So a lot of them will absolutely lash out at you, try to hurt
15:04
your feelings, try to break you down, try to mentally,
15:06
physically, emotionally, emotionally abuse you.
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They absolutely will. This is the mindset.
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This is the mentality of a narcissistic people.
15:13
This is the mentality. This is the mindset of abusive
15:15
people. They don't want to be the one.
15:16
They don't want to allow you to be the one that breaks up with
15:19
them. They want to break up with you.
15:22
They want to be the ones that end it.
15:23
So sometimes when you break up with them, they'll lash out at
15:26
you, beg you to get back with you, beg to get back with you,
15:29
and then they'll break up with you just to say they broke up
15:31
with you. And I broke up with them, man.
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I'm, I'm who left them. I did that.
15:36
They didn't leave me. I I left them.
15:37
Ha ha, ha. I'll show you.
15:38
I'll show you. I had to show them who the man
15:40
was. You know what I mean?
15:42
That's why that's who I am. That's what I got going on.
15:44
That's what I do. That's what I do.
15:46
Now, what you'll do. This is what I do, you know,
15:49
that's the mindset of manipulator.
15:50
That's the mindset of an abusive person.
15:52
Y'all again, y'all, thank you for tuning in to another
15:54
episode, y'all, I really appreciate every single one of
15:56
y'all. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
15:57
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