Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #1190 - The Ultimate Parenting Book List (From Someone Who's Read Them All)

Transcript

#1190 - The Ultimate Parenting Book List (From Someone Who's Read Them All) · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:05
Speaker 1: Oh boy, I am in so much trouble today. But
0:09
Speaker 1: this is the podcast that I have been wanting to
0:11
Speaker 1: do for a couple of years, and we keep putting
0:14
Speaker 1: it off, finding reasons not to do it. Today is
0:17
Speaker 1: the day you are going to discover what I think
0:20
Speaker 1: are the very best parenting books ever written. Welcome to
0:24
Speaker 1: the Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting Solutions every day on
0:28
Speaker 1: Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are justin and Kylie Coulson.
0:33
Speaker 2: I'm not sure how you think you're going to get
0:35
Speaker 2: through this list, but there's like ten books on your
0:38
Speaker 2: bedside there.
0:39
Speaker 1: I saw my desk. We're not recording this in bed.
0:43
Speaker 1: I can't believe you said bedside we said. I said
0:48
Speaker 1: to Kylie, we're going to do my favorite pairenting books
0:52
Speaker 1: ever today. That's the plan. And Kylie said, okay, how
0:55
Speaker 1: many are you going to do? And I said, oh,
0:56
Speaker 1: I'm tossing up between like we've only got sort of
0:59
Speaker 1: ten or twelve men for the podon I reckon three
1:02
Speaker 1: or four, maybe five. Kyle said, all right, go get
1:05
Speaker 1: them off the bookshelf so that you've got them so
1:06
Speaker 1: that we can look at them while you're talking. About it.
1:08
Speaker 1: I walked in, I looked at the bookshelf. I brought
1:11
Speaker 1: in more than three or four or five. I've brought
1:13
Speaker 1: in nine. We're going to talk about him, but I
1:18
Speaker 1: promise they will change your life. I have a good friend.
1:22
Speaker 1: His name's Tim. He was telling me that some visitors
1:26
Speaker 1: came to his home one time and we're looking at
1:28
Speaker 1: his bookshelf. They looked at him in surprise and said,
1:33
Speaker 1: why do you have so many parenting books on your shelf?
1:36
Speaker 1: You and Marianna great parents.
1:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're great parents because I read all those books.
1:40
Speaker 1: That's kind of the point that he was trying to make.
1:42
Speaker 1: They were like, you don't need the books because you're
1:44
Speaker 1: a great parent. The books that I'm going to share
1:45
Speaker 1: with you today are the best parenting books that I
1:48
Speaker 1: can recommend. Now, I need to start by saying I
1:51
Speaker 1: will not be recommending my own books. I'm talking about
1:54
Speaker 1: other people's books. It's just too self serving, it's too
1:57
Speaker 1: self congratulatory.
1:59
Speaker 2: And I have read any of them.
2:02
Speaker 1: That's because I'm sleeping with the parenting book. Thank you
2:06
Speaker 1: so much. I had a feeling you're going to go there.
2:09
Speaker 1: I do want to mention, though my book the Parenting Revolution.
2:12
Speaker 1: The reason I'm recommending it or suggesting it at the
2:14
Speaker 1: outset before I get into my top ten books, and
2:16
Speaker 1: I am going to share ten of them, is because
2:19
Speaker 1: the world's most reference, the world's most cited living psychology professor,
2:25
Speaker 1: Professor Richard Ryan from the University of Rochester, and that
2:29
Speaker 1: man recommends my parenting book to people when they ask
2:32
Speaker 1: him for an accessible parenting book that really gets to
2:36
Speaker 1: the core of what great parenting is about. So it's
2:38
Speaker 1: a pretty hefty endorsement. He's told me that he'll endorse
2:40
Speaker 1: my next book about boys when it comes out because
2:42
Speaker 1: he really appreciates what I'm saying. I'm just putting it
2:45
Speaker 1: out there, the Parenting Revolution. If you haven't downloaded it
2:48
Speaker 1: or grabbed hold of it yet, it will make a
2:50
Speaker 1: difference in your life. I know it. But Kylie, let's
2:53
Speaker 1: hit this. Let's go.
2:56
Speaker 2: So I'm just letting you know.
2:57
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep you to time. Okay, it's like
2:59
Speaker 1: one per book, we have one minute, Okay, but I
3:02
Speaker 1: want to make sure that we really emphasize the goodness
3:04
Speaker 1: of these books. First book I'm starting with. By the way,
3:07
Speaker 1: these are not in any particular order. Well, they kind
3:09
Speaker 1: of are, but not quite. First book that I'm starting
3:12
Speaker 1: with is called Between Parent and Child. Oh, I did
3:16
Speaker 1: read that one, so my friend and mentor. In fact,
3:19
Speaker 1: the reason that I know the man is because of
3:23
Speaker 1: this book. My friend and mentor, Professor H. Wallace Goddard,
3:27
Speaker 1: teamed up with the widow of the original author of
3:30
Speaker 1: the book. Her name was Alice Garnott. His name was
3:32
Speaker 1: heim Ginnott. The book is called Between Parent and Child.
3:35
Speaker 1: It is a pioneering guide to emotionally intelligent parenting. It's
3:43
Speaker 1: a little bit dated. Some of the examples feel a
3:46
Speaker 1: bit old, but the principles are timeless. And while the
3:49
Speaker 1: dialogue feels a little bit clunky, the things that you
3:53
Speaker 1: will learn from this book. If there was only one
3:55
Speaker 1: parenting book that I could recommend outside of my own,
3:58
Speaker 1: it would be this one. I believe that it is
4:00
Speaker 1: probably the best parenting book ever written. Between Parent and
4:05
Speaker 1: Child by doctor heim Ginnott. That's h Ai m G
4:10
Speaker 1: I no double T. We'll link to all of these
4:13
Speaker 1: in the show notes.
4:15
Speaker 2: Raising an emotionally Intelligent Child.
4:17
Speaker 1: This one on your listen. This one is by John Gotman.
4:20
Speaker 1: He is widely recognized as the world's foremost expert on relationships.
4:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, so he does like the seven.
4:28
Speaker 1: Seven Steps to Transform your Marriage that kind of stuff.
4:30
Speaker 1: And his marriage books are incredible, by the way, if
4:32
Speaker 1: you're struggling in for Henchmen or something, yeah, yeah, the
4:35
Speaker 1: four what is it, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Yeah,
4:38
Speaker 1: the guy is incredible. This book is really accessible and
4:41
Speaker 1: it this was like the forerunner of all of the
4:44
Speaker 1: future emotional intelligence boom that happened through the sort of
4:48
Speaker 1: early to mid two thousands through the twenty tens. It's
4:52
Speaker 1: beautifully written and it gets to the heart of parenting
4:55
Speaker 1: John Gotman raising an emotionally intelligent child. It is without question,
5:00
Speaker 1: one of the very, very best parenting books that you'll
5:03
Speaker 1: ever come across, and I just can't recommend it enough.
5:07
Speaker 2: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Demore.
5:10
Speaker 1: Doctor Lisa de Moore on the podcast. We've had her
5:13
Speaker 1: on the podcast, I've done some Instagram lives with her.
5:16
Speaker 1: For me as somebody who is, as you said, the
5:19
Speaker 1: Walking Talking parenting book, I actually don't read a lot
5:22
Speaker 1: of parenting books. I usually pick them up, read thirty
5:25
Speaker 1: forty to fifty pages and just think I'm not going
5:27
Speaker 1: to get anything out of this one, I know more,
5:29
Speaker 1: I would explain it differently or whatever. And I'm not
5:31
Speaker 1: saying that in a prideful way. It's just like, if
5:32
Speaker 1: I'm going to spend my time in a book, I
5:34
Speaker 1: want to be learning from it. I don't want to
5:36
Speaker 1: either have what I know rehashed sometimes worse, I want
5:40
Speaker 1: to learn. Doctor Lisa de Moore is one of the
5:43
Speaker 1: only people on the planet who is positioned as a
5:47
Speaker 1: parenting expert that I don't want to miss what she
5:50
Speaker 1: has to say. She is so wise, she is so compassionate.
5:55
Speaker 1: I think that she's absolutely inspired in the way that
5:58
Speaker 1: she writes.
5:59
Speaker 2: So if you're not a huge read, would you pick
6:00
Speaker 2: it up?
6:01
Speaker 1: Yes, it's amazingly accessible interesting factoids. Doctor Lisa de Moore
6:06
Speaker 1: was one of the key experts that guided the development
6:11
Speaker 1: of Inside Out to the Disney Pixar movie.
6:14
Speaker 2: So it's such a good movie.
6:15
Speaker 1: If you watch that and think that they've really nailed
6:17
Speaker 1: what's going on emotionally for both parents and children, it's
6:20
Speaker 1: because of her input. She's beyond world class. She's I
6:25
Speaker 1: would say at Brene Brown level, Like, there's not much
6:29
Speaker 1: further that you can go in that public speaking Let's
6:32
Speaker 1: talk about helping people understand what's going on in their lives.
6:35
Speaker 1: She's at that level. I think that she is as
6:38
Speaker 1: good as I. Still don't agree with everything she says,
6:41
Speaker 1: by the way, because I come from a different philosophical
6:44
Speaker 1: and academic background, but we agree on way more than
6:47
Speaker 1: we disagree, and she's just outstanding. So those are the
6:51
Speaker 1: first three that i'd recommend. Hey, we've got to take
6:52
Speaker 1: a break. We're taking too long on this. I'm so
6:54
Speaker 1: it was the intro. We spent so long on the intro.
6:56
Speaker 1: After the break, we'll get through as many more as
6:59
Speaker 1: we can, as quickly as we can. Okay, we are
7:08
Speaker 1: talking about the very best parenting books that I could
7:11
Speaker 1: possibly recommend if you want to upskill yourself in parenting.
7:15
Speaker 1: We've only done three of the ten that I reckon.
7:17
Speaker 1: I'm going to get through. Let's do the next one.
7:19
Speaker 2: Act Natural by Jennifer I'm gonna say Trey.
7:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jennifer Trey wrote this book. It's the subtitle is
7:25
Speaker 1: a cultural History of Misadventures in parenting. This book was
7:30
Speaker 1: so brilliant. It's essentially I'd call it a narrative historical
7:37
Speaker 1: look at all the mistakes and all the trends and
7:42
Speaker 1: all the cultural baggage that goes along with why we
7:46
Speaker 1: parent the way that we do. So it goes back
7:48
Speaker 1: a couple of thousand years and what people were saying
7:50
Speaker 1: about parenting then, and it traces all of the awful
7:54
Speaker 1: It's actually a brutal and terrible book in some ways,
7:57
Speaker 1: but it's also incredible. And she writes with this, Really,
8:02
Speaker 1: I don't know how I'd say it. She's got so
8:04
Speaker 1: much attitude when she writes, she's really a reverence. She's
8:07
Speaker 1: just it's not mockery. She's way too smart for that.
8:11
Speaker 1: But it's a really acerbic wit. It's funny the whole
8:16
Speaker 1: way through as she traces the absolute mess that we've
8:19
Speaker 1: made of parenting over the centuries. I loved this book.
8:22
Speaker 1: If you have a look at all the Doggie had pages.
8:25
Speaker 1: I couldn't put it down. I think I read it
8:27
Speaker 1: in about two days. I just absolutely absorbed it. It
8:31
Speaker 1: was brilliant. It's called Act Natural, a Cultural History of
8:36
Speaker 1: Misadventures in Parenting, and I loved it.
8:39
Speaker 2: Okay, so this one I'm going to try and remember
8:43
Speaker 2: Michaeleen do Klep. Yeah, that's right, Hunt Gather parent.
8:47
Speaker 1: This book got routinely panned online. The reviews people are scathing.
8:53
Speaker 1: I learned so much from it. It's essentially this NPR
8:58
Speaker 1: USA journalist goes into three different cultures. She visits a
9:03
Speaker 1: Mayan village in the Yucatan Peninsula, she visits Inuit families
9:07
Speaker 1: above the Arctic Circle, and some Hadzabi tribes in Tanzania
9:12
Speaker 1: and essentially looks at the way they're parenting and compares
9:15
Speaker 1: it to what we do in our western cultures.
9:17
Speaker 2: So why is everyone up at arms about it?
9:19
Speaker 1: Because some of it's really patronizing, and because she's a
9:24
Speaker 1: journalist that has a two year old, and so she's
9:26
Speaker 1: kind of positioning herself as this anthropology slash parenting expert.
9:30
Speaker 1: And she kind of gets a few things wrong, and
9:34
Speaker 1: in the book I got frustrated with her quite a
9:36
Speaker 1: few times. But it's an absolutely delightful read, and she
9:40
Speaker 1: gets more right than she gets wrong. It's consistent with
9:43
Speaker 1: some of the very best science. Her writing is so compelling,
9:47
Speaker 1: and I just loved it. I genuinely loved Hunt Gather
9:51
Speaker 1: Parent by Mike len Dukleff. Thought it was brilliant.
9:55
Speaker 2: All right. I think we're running out of times you're
9:57
Speaker 2: going to do this super super quick. But anyone who's
10:00
Speaker 2: it's been listening for a long time knows that Alfie
10:02
Speaker 2: Cone is literally, hands down one of your favorite authors.
10:05
Speaker 2: You've got two books in front of me here, The
10:07
Speaker 2: Myth of the Spoiled Child and Unconditional Parenting.
10:11
Speaker 1: I was going to bring a couple more of his
10:12
Speaker 1: in as well, but I knew that you'd get mad
10:14
Speaker 1: at me. Alfie Cone is one of the central reasons
10:16
Speaker 1: that I do what I do. I was struggling as
10:18
Speaker 1: a dad. I was struggling as a father. I had
10:19
Speaker 1: a radio career. I had no idea what I was doing.
10:21
Speaker 1: I picked up his book, Punished by Rewards because it
10:24
Speaker 1: was referenced in a book that I was reading about leadership.
10:28
Speaker 1: When I read it, it completely changed my life, our life,
10:33
Speaker 1: and the lives of millions of people around the world.
10:35
Speaker 1: Because as a result of Punished by Rewards, I went
10:38
Speaker 1: back to school and studied psychology and now do what
10:42
Speaker 1: I do. It was literally that book that made that happen.
10:45
Speaker 1: So I really.
10:46
Speaker 2: Struggle to read his words, like I really struggle reading.
10:49
Speaker 1: He writes big words. Sometimes he's not particularly accessible.
10:53
Speaker 2: But I love listening to him.
10:56
Speaker 1: And we've had him on the podcast a couple of times.
10:58
Speaker 2: He is so compelling you actually hear him, like he's
11:01
Speaker 2: so animated, and just like, is so passionate about this.
11:08
Speaker 1: But he speaks so vividly. Yeah, so great. So I
11:11
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about Punished by Rewards, but I've actually
11:13
Speaker 1: selected two others. I think that they're better. The myth
11:16
Speaker 1: of the Spoilt Child just challenges conventional wisdom about children
11:20
Speaker 1: and parenting generally. It's such a great book.
11:24
Speaker 2: Well, I would suggest that most parents at some point
11:27
Speaker 2: have been told if you hold your baby too much,
11:29
Speaker 2: or you cuddle them too much, you're going to spoil
11:30
Speaker 2: them and they're going to grow up.
11:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he argues against all of that and says, no, no, no, no,
11:34
Speaker 1: We're supposed to be our children's champions. The other book
11:39
Speaker 1: that I've picked is what I think might be I
11:41
Speaker 1: mentioned before that Between Parent Child is probably the best
11:43
Speaker 1: parenting book ever written Unconditional Parenting. Unconditional Parenting would be
11:49
Speaker 1: in my top three. I might go so far as
11:52
Speaker 1: to say it's the second best book on parenting that
11:54
Speaker 1: I've ever read. Love Unconditional Parenting, Well, we have two left, No,
11:58
Speaker 1: we don't. I couldn't fit them all in. I couldn't
12:00
Speaker 1: carry them all into the office. There's a couple more
12:02
Speaker 1: that I have to mention as well, but let's do
12:03
Speaker 1: these two and then I'll do a couple of honorable mission.
12:06
Speaker 1: You are not you are not help myself.
12:09
Speaker 2: Second last one, The Secrets of Happy Families.
12:13
Speaker 1: This is by a guy called Bruce Feeler. He's a
12:14
Speaker 1: New York Times best selling author. I love what Bruce writes.
12:17
Speaker 1: He's just compelling. He's basically written a new playbook for families.
12:21
Speaker 1: He talks about Warren Buffet's Guide Decending an allowance, how
12:24
Speaker 1: to have difficult conversations, the Green Berets Rules for family reunions.
12:28
Speaker 1: There are lessons from the sex Mum. He basically interviews
12:31
Speaker 1: a whole lot of people who do a whole lot
12:32
Speaker 1: of things in their families differently to what we used
12:34
Speaker 1: to seeing and says this is how you create a
12:36
Speaker 1: happy family. I loved that. It was compelling, it was fun,
12:38
Speaker 1: it was interesting, it was provocative. Couldn't get enough of it.
12:41
Speaker 2: Lucky Last, do you hear me?
12:43
Speaker 1: Oh?
12:43
Speaker 2: Last? It's the last book we're talking about today. It's
12:46
Speaker 2: called The Teenage Brain. It's a Neuroscientist Survival Guide to
12:52
Speaker 2: Raising Adolescents and Young Adults Francis Jensen.
12:55
Speaker 1: Before I talk about Francis Jensen's The Teenage Brain, I
12:58
Speaker 1: have to give a huge mention to The Anxious Generation
13:00
Speaker 1: by Jonathan Hate, which came out last year. You and
13:05
Speaker 1: I've also got to talk about Favor and Maslish and
13:07
Speaker 1: their incredible book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
13:09
Speaker 1: and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I read that one.
13:13
Speaker 1: It's brilliant. It's probably my top five as well. I
13:17
Speaker 1: got a couple of extras in there. Did you like
13:19
Speaker 1: how I did that? This is the last one, The
13:21
Speaker 1: Teenage Brain Francis Jensen. So, Francis Jensen is probably one
13:24
Speaker 1: of the world's leading neurologists. She's at the University of Pennsylvania.
13:28
Speaker 1: She knows brains better than pretty much anyone on the planet.
13:31
Speaker 1: And this is a book about what's going on in
13:33
Speaker 1: your teenage's brain. It's fascinating, it's well written, it's quite compelling,
13:37
Speaker 1: and it's an important book for people who want to
13:40
Speaker 1: understand neurology, neuropsychology, neuropsychiatry. It's just it's accessible though, like
13:45
Speaker 1: you can really read it and get into it, and
13:47
Speaker 1: I recommend it if you're raising bigger kids. That is extensive. Yeah,
13:52
Speaker 1: and I didn't bring in things like the Whole Brain Child.
13:56
Speaker 1: Can let me finish? Are you? We need to wrap
13:58
Speaker 1: it up there. All of those books will be in
14:00
Speaker 1: the show notes. I pity poor old men who has
14:03
Speaker 1: to write all of that out for us. We will
14:05
Speaker 1: link to those books in case you want to grab
14:07
Speaker 1: some for your bookshelf. Like I said at the start
14:09
Speaker 1: of the pod, they will make you a better parent.
14:12
Speaker 1: Anything else from you, give me one. What's your favorite
14:15
Speaker 1: parenting book?
14:15
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going in a totally different train of thought here,
14:18
Speaker 2: but my absolute, hands down favorite parenting book of all
14:22
Speaker 2: time drum wrong, Yeah, is I'll Do Better Tomorrow buy
14:29
Speaker 2: Maureen Adam Mac.
14:30
Speaker 1: Technically it's called I'll Do Better Tomorrow. I promise it is.
14:34
Speaker 1: And I can't believe I didn't think of it speechless.
14:37
Speaker 1: It's such a beautiful book. It makes me cry every
14:39
Speaker 1: time I read it. Oh my goodness. And it's a
14:42
Speaker 1: kid's book. It's a kid's book. You can read it
14:45
Speaker 1: every night and cry every.
14:47
Speaker 2: Night from cover to cover.
14:49
Speaker 1: And my second oh oh, you're going to go with
14:51
Speaker 1: another one, right, so you give me a hard time.
14:52
Speaker 1: We're out of time, and now you're what's your second one?
14:55
Speaker 2: My second is guess how much I love you? Oh,
14:58
Speaker 2: Sam McBratney, Oh my gosh, you're good. When I think
15:02
Speaker 2: about the kind of parent that I aspire to, those
15:06
Speaker 2: two books, hands down have had the most influence in my.
15:10
Speaker 1: Life, and you know what, they'll probably teach you to
15:12
Speaker 1: be a better parent than all of the prius I've
15:14
Speaker 1: just gone through. Oh gosh, that's so good. I'm so
15:17
Speaker 1: glad you said that. I hope you've really enjoyed today's
15:20
Speaker 1: podcast a bit longer than it should have been. Oh gosh,
15:23
Speaker 1: but we really really care about you and your family
15:26
Speaker 1: and helping your family be happier, and we reckon. These
15:28
Speaker 1: are the resources that will help you to get there.
15:30
Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Roulett from
15:33
Speaker 1: Bridge Media. If you'd like more info about making your
15:36
Speaker 1: family happier, look at those books, have a look at
15:38
Speaker 1: the show notes, grab a couple of them and read them. Otherwise,
15:42
Speaker 1: we've got a whole bunch of resources for you at
15:43
Speaker 1: Happy families dot com, dot a