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Minisode: Two Open Wounds with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: husband Andy Haynes. Hi, Rosebudd and Andy, thank you for
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: being here today as a couple. On the subject of
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: having a baby, like, I mean, I know you guys
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: are married, but there's a level of permanence and that
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: comes along with the baby. Yeah, that kind of So
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: I'm curious, as somebody who will never be married or
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: have a baby, what it does that shift feel like,
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: because before you get the baby anyway, I'm.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: Married, just leave.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: And yes, it's it's hard to get a divorce, but
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: it's not that hard, right, It's actually not hard.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, anyone can do it. It's achievable.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, here's where I stand with it.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: It's like, when Andy and I are having problems, if
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: I think like worst case scenario, you know, like, oh
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: my god, what if we're gonna what if we get
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: a divorce and we have to like split custody of
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: like you know and all this shit. Andy's not someone
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: that I could ever look at and be like, I
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: never want to see you again. There's never you know,
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: I married someone and I had a baby with someone
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: that I want in my life no matter what, whatever happens.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: So I kind of remind myself of that.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: If there's ever a moment where we're like going through
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: a really bumpy period and we're like, oh my god,
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: what's gonna happen, you know, you kind of can't live
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: in fear of that happening, because if you do, you
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: will end up just like committing to a life that
• 1:26
  Speaker 4: you don't care if you're happy in or not. You know,
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: like you gotta be willing to go, Okay, this could happen,
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: but we don't want it to. We're going to work
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: towards not letting that happen no matter what. But if
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: it were to happen, at least I know like that
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: that's happening with him because I love him just as
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: a person, you know, like outside of now, I feel
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: like I'm getting a little too sweet, but but yeah,
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: I want him my life no matter what.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Well, I think also, what you something you said is
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: really important is that if you're so working so hard
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: to avoid the breakdown of a relationship, it's probably more inevitable.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: You have to work with the notion that if that
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: did happen everything would be okay, And I think you
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: have a higher chance of survival being a pragmatist about relationships, right,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: Like that way you have a healthy attitude and you're like,
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: of course you don't want your relationship to break up,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: but you also can't look at the possibility of that
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: as like, you know, ending your life, like it's going
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: to ruin everything in your life.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of couples do that.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: They get so codependent with each other that the thought
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: of a breakdown in the relationship is like.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, no, no, I'm going to be alone. I'm going
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: to be alone. And it's like, no, you're not.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Everyone's going to Everyone survives, you know, and it's not
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: like you're looking forward to it, but it's understanding you
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: have the knowledge and like the capability to handle the situation.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it did.
• 2:54
  Speaker 5: It did change our relationship immensely though, because.
• 2:58
  Speaker 6: When we were you know, like, wait, what did having
• 3:01
  Speaker 6: the baby?
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: Oh for sure, because like I commuted to London for
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: six months the end of twenty twenty two and I
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: would be in London for four.
• 3:11
  Speaker 6: Weeks to six weeks.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: What were you doing there?
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: I worked for a soccer team doing like making content
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: for a soccer team and then doing comedy over there,
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: and we wouldn't talk for four days, you know, sometimes
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: like and we had a kind of relationship where it
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: wasn't like I mean, I didn't love not talking to her,
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: but I wasn't worried, and we had a relationship where
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: we could check in, you know, shoot a text every
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: couple of days, and I wasn't like, oh, what's happening
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: with us? And I remember when Rosebud told me she
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: was pregnant. I was like getting ready to go back
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: over to Europe and do a bunch of stuff. And
• 3:47
  Speaker 5: it was like and I hadn't told her everything, like
• 3:50
  Speaker 5: my because it wasn't even like that.
• 3:52
  Speaker 6: Our marriage wasn't like where will you be?
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Then?
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: Where will you be? Like that?
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: And now it's like where are you going to be
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: at two pm?
• 3:59
  Speaker 6: Today?
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like we can't leave the house without checking in
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: with each other. That was like a huge And I
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: don't know why I didn't even think about that.
• 4:08
  Speaker 6: I didn't either, I don't think.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: I don't think most people think about it because you're
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: pregnant for nine months, but you're not the day you
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: bring that baby home, You're You're never leaving your house again.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: It was so nine months isn't really enough of a preparation.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: I know you wanted it to be shorter because your
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: pregnancy you were dying in the end, but like it's
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: just not enough time to prepare, no, to have a
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: baby in your house and you can never fucking do
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: anything again without checking.
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: You make sure there's no there's literally nothing that can
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: prepare you for it. I just was like, I guess
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: I thought both of us were like we thought like, oh,
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: we'll have a baby there, but like we can just
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: like do whatever we were doing before.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: We just have a baby, comedy class.
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: It's not even It's so crazy how I can't even
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: focus on what the thing that I want to focus
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: on if she's around, because I'm just like watch her
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: and laughing.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: And do you feel like you've had to make a
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: lot of sacrifices since you've had the baby with your
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: like personal lives or.
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: I was saying last night if we went to I
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: was like, if if somebody thinks that they're ready to
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: have a kid, they should bring they should go to
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: a nice restaurant with their significant other and bring a
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: bat on a leash. Yeah, yeah, And just see how
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: that goes.
• 5:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, go to a movie theater with a dog that
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: you give a cup of coffee.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like it's just it's NonStop, and it's the
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: best way to describe it is it's the best thing
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: I've ever done, and it also ruined my life, you
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: know what I mean, Like it's like that kind of juxtaposition.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: It like ruined our lives for the better.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but it fucking there's days where it sucks ass,
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: and then there's days where it's like, oh my god, like.
• 5:50
  Speaker 6: That's the coolest thing and it's the best.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Thing I've ever seen.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: And it's not even like it's just cool to us,
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: it's not cool to anyone else. So there's something that
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: there's something about that that like I feel like so
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: much closer to him based off of that.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I can see that it's like trauma bonding.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is trauma bonding. Yeah, for sure.
• 6:08
  Speaker 6: I'll tell you this. I've learned that I was doing
• 6:11
  Speaker 6: this selfishly.
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: But all the women in marriages with babies, you should
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: know that if your husband is offering to do a
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: lot of errands and chores, it's actually it's a hack.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: They already know that. They already know that.
• 6:25
  Speaker 6: Okay, I'm sorry.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, everyone knows that you guys aren't doing chores. No,
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: we are doing You're doing it to get a vacation.
• 6:31
  Speaker 6: You're doing chores, but I get to leave you.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: I was so fucking furious. That drove me fucking crazy.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: His errand running, Oh my god. He'd be like, I
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: have to move the car. I'm like, I'm moving the car.
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: I just started taking his errands.
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: That's the number one thing I miss about La is
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: what running errands? Just getting in a car doing a
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: bunch of shit.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I love running errands really target.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Oh oh yeah, so you must be so fucking organized, right,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: house is so organized.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: Yes, He's always like taking ship out of drawers.
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: And it's funny because Rosebuddy is also organized, but it's
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: all surface. Like you'll open a drawer and it'll just
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: be like an old Nabisco's bag and a bubblegum and
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: her underwear nine iPhones ago, my underwear probably after it's
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: doing in the drawer for a little while. Yeah, if
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: we're getting to the pudding blow.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Job, I mean I think you guys are going to
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: do the toffee pudding.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Someone's gonna get it. We just don't know who.
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: It's going to be a.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: Really nice white You have to wait for you at
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: a hotel situation. You don't do that at your own
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Obviously she was in a car, so that's cleanable, right.
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: We need some kind of booth situation where we can
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: use the shower attach.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: That's never Let me tell you something that's never gonna
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: happen in your life.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: Whatever Chelsea just suggested. It's never nice.
• 7:51
  Speaker 6: I know it's not.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I should have suggested it before you had a baby
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: and before you like hit your one year anniversary.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Still wouldn't have. I wouldn't have.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do it to something. If you drink
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: it's great.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: I mean, give somebody a.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Toffee blowjob and poor toffee and ice cream on their
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: dick while you're I mean, that's so nice. It was
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: like a toffee pudding situation. But it fell out of
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: the cop and I just thought, this is going to
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: inspire millions, Like so many women are going to want
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: to do that.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, and I'm not like you know, I mean.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Well you gotta find yeah, I gotta find someone that
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: like you know that you really want a pleasure that.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: It's a very nice idea for sure.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: It's a really nice thing because think about what would
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: happen if somebody was on the receiving end of a blowjob,
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: a toffee putting blowjob.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: That would be like one of the best days of
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: your life.
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: You didn't get you get a Willy Wonka Golden ticket
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: and a toffee toffee pudding blowjob.
• 8:43
  Speaker 6: Just something for you guys.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: To think about.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: I feel like all couples need to think about it,
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: and that's why I'm introducing it.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: We'll revisit when she moves out.
• 8:50
  Speaker 6: Okay, yeah, god.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: If you even still have a penis at that point.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: So what are your next steps and moving forward with
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: your family? Are you guys like focusing on are you
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: done or you want to have more children?
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Like what do you have any plans? Or you just
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: being in the moment.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: I'm I'm being in the moment.
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: But also I feel like this is I think we're
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: one and done. Yea, I think we're one and done. Yeah,
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: it's it is an impossible job.
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: It's also like I think it's like if we stay
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: in New York, it's so much different. You know, if
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: you can go someplace where like it's normal to have
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: three and four bedrooms, but Manhattan is just like it's
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: And it's also like I take her out and it's
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: like it's already I.
• 9:39
  Speaker 6: Have a wild animal.
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: And then it's like a guy's smoking crack and another
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: guy's shitting in the corner.
• 9:44
  Speaker 6: It's a lot.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And it feels like I didn't want to like
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: completely give up our lifestyle when we when we got pregnant,
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: I was like, look, I don't want to forget myself.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: I don't want to forget what makes me happy. I
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: don't want you to forget what makes you ha. And
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: I want to keep doing the things that like fill
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: us up so that our daughter isn't like being raised
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: by two shells, you know. So I just want to
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: like do a great job now and if at some
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: point we're like, oh, I think we actually could do
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: this again.
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: We have six baby girls in a freezer somewhere down
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: the embryos.
• 10:25
  Speaker 6: Yeah, so we can six girls.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: That's the high number of girls.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're from a family of girls, and you're from
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: a family of girls.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I guess that does add up.
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I think we're good with one.
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's just we want to do our jobs.
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: I think we're just like, we spent the year getting
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: used to this, and then now I think now we
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: want to do our jobs so that our daughter sees
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: two really happy parents. I think that's kind of the goal,
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: you know, and whatever that means.
• 10:51
  Speaker 6: I don't. I don't know where we'll live. I don't.
• 10:53
  Speaker 6: That's the nice thing about it, And I don't know.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: What would you ever consider moving out of New York?
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we've thought about it. Every time we come back.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm not leaving, and then every time we leave,
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I'd think about it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: So it's everywhere I go. I think about living every
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: fucking place I go. I'm like, I could live here.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't know.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: I don't live in Napa. Yeah, yeah, Yildsburg. I love Yieldsburg.
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: Man.
• 11:19
  Speaker 6: I'm just like, I love outdoor stuff. So it's really
• 11:22
  Speaker 6: hard sometimes with New York.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: But Andy loves imagining a life somewhere else.
• 11:27
  Speaker 6: It is everywhere now.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: I think that's what we're drilling down on, is that
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: all everyone is always fantasizing about what it would be like.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: But we did go to Seattle and it was like
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: we got off the plane and it was like so clean,
• 11:38
  Speaker 5: and I was just like, oh my god, like because
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: I'm from there, and it was just like, oh, this
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: is like what air used to be.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Like Yeah, yeah, the Pacific Northwest is where it's at
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: for the clean air and for the toffee pudding blow chops.
• 11:52
  Speaker 6: Is that where the book takes We're.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Gonna we're gonna end on that. No, we're going to
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: end you guys. This was very sentimental. I really enjoyed it.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: Was it too Barbara Walters at all?
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Because you know what, sometimes they're ridiculous and sometimes they
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: get serious. It's kind of good to have it all
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: over the good it's all out of care. Is that
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: it's sincere?
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: You know, no, not at all? Yeah?
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: Good?
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like two open wounds.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I know, I love it. I love it.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you guys for doing it. I appreciate
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: thank you for being open enough to come and do it.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, not like it's a real therapy session, but
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: you are talking about your dirty laundry.
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Tune in next time as we continue couples Counseling with Chelsea.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast. It's called
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Find Your Beach Andy. It will be on tour in Dallas,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December,
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: so check out his Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Haynes h y Nes for tickets to those dates and
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: for more, and you could find both Andy and Rosebud
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: on YouTube.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Rosebud will be taping her.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: New special on September sixteenth in New York at the
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: Village Underground and you can get to us to this
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: and more of her dates at Rosebudbaker dot com and
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at rosebud Baker.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Upcoming shows that I have. I'm coming to Texas, I'm
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then I
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I have
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: tickets on sale throughout the end of the year. In December,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: so if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: dot com for tickets okay