Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / A Long Drive Proved That Aging Is About Choosing Better, Not Doing Less

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A Long Drive Proved That Aging Is About Choosing Better, Not Doing Less · Aging ain't for Sissies

0:04
SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to Aging A for Sissies.
0:07
SPEAKER_01: My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: Well, hello, my beautiful seasoned, slightly creaky and but still fabulous people.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to Aging A for Sissies, the podcast where we tell the truth about getting older with a side of sass and a comfortable pair of shoes.
0:25
SPEAKER_01: I just got back from my road trip, and let me tell you something.
0:29
SPEAKER_01: Nothing, and I mean nothing, will teach you about aging faster than 4,000, more than 4,000 miles in a car with your lower back and your snack bag.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking about what the road trip taught me about aging, and some of it was inspirational, some of it was humbling, and some of it was me saying, Oh, so this is who I am now.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: So let's go.
0:54
SPEAKER_01: If you want to hear like the nitty-gritty details of my road trip, I am doing that on Inside Marcy's Mind, my other podcast.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: So that'll give you kind of like my schedule and how I did things and where I went and what I did on the whole road trip.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: This one is a little bit more talking about, like I said, what this road trip taught me in the sense of who I am now.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: I turned 65 on this road trip.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: We know that I celebrated my birthday in Vegas with my friends, and it was wonderful.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: And that was just fun.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: You know what was really fun about that part of it?
1:36
SPEAKER_01: All of these women that I surround myself with, I think are fabulous people.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: I really do.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: I I don't know why they want to hang out with me sometimes.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: They are each independently strong, beautiful, thoughtful women.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: And when we would get dressed to go out, everybody was complimentary and they really meant it.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: Like this isn't just BS.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Like I have great friends, and this is just a small subset of my friends.
2:06
SPEAKER_01: I was blessed in Phoenix to be with.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: Sorry about that.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: I pushed a button on my microphone that turns up, makes it mute.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: So that was kind of weird.
2:27
SPEAKER_01: But in Arizona, I have two friends that have moved there.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: One is my girlfriend Joan from Oregon, and the newest recruit to the Arizona desert landscape is my old dear friend Karen.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: And Karen was the maid of honor at my wedding, and we got sober just a short distance apart from each other.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: And I have not seen Karen in over 20 years.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: We were able to get together for lunch.
2:54
SPEAKER_01: And I will tell you what this road trip taught me is that I've lived long enough to surround myself by wonderful people.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: It was like Karen and I had never been apart.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: And I hope if she listens to this, she felt the same way.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: It was a wonderful lunch, and I can't wait every time I go now to see my friend Karen.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: So the first thing that this road trip taught me about aging is that I have been lucky enough to live this long to cultivate and to surround myself by wonderful people.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: So that is the first thing.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: The next thing is the body has entered the chat.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: I would like to start by publicly apologizing to my 40-year-old self because she could sit for six hours, eat gas station beef jerky, and hop out of the car and just walk.
3:46
SPEAKER_01: No warming up, no stretching, no hold on a minute.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Now, now when I get out of the car after three hours, and trust me, I never went more than two because I have a blood clotting issue.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: But and that is an aging problem.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: I don't step out, I unfold like a dang lawn chair.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: My hips crack, my knees negotiate, and my lower back files a formal complaint.
4:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you, but I did it.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: And I got out and I would, you know, kind of get things going.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: I do some.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: You know how when you were younger and you'd see people stretching like in a gas station, and you're wondering what the hell they're doing?
4:24
SPEAKER_01: That was me.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: Pulling it out, getting it out, stretching it out, you know, and so that I could move.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I had to run to the bathroom so quickly there was no time for stretching.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: And then you're worried about a whole nother plethora of things.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: So here's what aging taught me on that road trip.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: The body is no longer a silent partner, it is a board member with voting rights.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: You don't power through anymore.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: You plan.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: Stretch breaks are non-negotiable.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: Good hotel mattress is a spiritual requirement.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: Now I will tell you, I stayed on the road trip part, mainly always in Hilton's, because I like their true brand.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: It's TRU.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: It's a no-nonsense, well-appointed new um product that they have, new hotels that they have.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: They're great for road trips.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: They average around 100 to 125 a night.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: Their beds are great.
5:22
SPEAKER_01: Everything's new.
5:23
SPEAKER_01: Mattresses are, it's it's just, there's no carpet.
5:27
SPEAKER_01: It's all hard flooring, which I love.
5:29
SPEAKER_01: I don't like the thought of what are in hotel carpets.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: Um, no bed spreads.
5:37
SPEAKER_01: Um there's just a multitude of things that gross me out in a hotel room.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: So I love that.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: So a good hotel mattress is a spiritual requirement.
5:46
SPEAKER_01: Supportive shoes.
5:47
SPEAKER_01: I wore my super cute compression socks.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: I have very cute compression socks with my really good sketcher step-ins.
5:57
SPEAKER_01: I wore leggings, um, a hoodie with a pocket because then I could throw my keys and things in when I'm running into the gas station.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: You kind of get a rhythm of what you do.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: And again, I talk about that on Inside Marcy's mind.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: Um cute isn't no longer enough in shoes, but I still like my shoes to look good.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, there's something very powerful about honoring your body instead of fighting it.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: We are no longer trying to prove we can survive discomfort.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: We are trying to enjoy the trip.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: And that is growth.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: So I another thing, I never was afraid to ask for help if I needed help with something.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you that because of my crazy ass hands, um, opening a gas cap or closing a gas cap is no longer something I can do.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: And I have a little gadget that I got on Amazon that does it for me.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: It helps me.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like a jar opener, but it's a gas cap opener.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: And ever since I got that, I don't have to ask anybody to help me with that anymore.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: And that gave me a sense of freedom on this trip.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: And if you had told me when I was younger I was gonna need a gas cap opener and closer, I'd have told you you were freaking nuts.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: But here I am.
7:09
SPEAKER_01: And I embrace it.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: Snacks are strategic now.
7:15
SPEAKER_01: You know what else changes with age?
7:17
SPEAKER_01: Snacks.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: In your 30s, gas station candy.
7:23
SPEAKER_01: Greasier the better.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: Okay, now it's will this cause inflammation, is what I'm thinking.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: I pack snacks like I was preparing for a medical, minor medical event.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: Protein, electric lights, water bottles the size of a toddler.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: Now, this is true.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: I um brought yogurt and cottage cheese with me.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: I am a fast food junkie and queen.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: I stayed away from fast food on my drive there and on my drive back.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: I allowed myself a couple times when I was, you know, I was gone for six weeks.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: So there were a couple times, but I would say less than five times that I did fast food.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: One was in and out, and two were Del Taco because Del Taco is my favorite, and they don't have them here.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: In and out because they don't have them here.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I only did it three times.
8:08
SPEAKER_01: I was not going to do get myself in that trap.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: So in my cooler, I had a large thing of cottage cheese as a large thing of yogurt and protein granola, and that is what I ate for breakfast.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: Well, I ate breakfast at the hotels and I had their yogurt.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: But for my lunch on the road and for my dinner, that's what I ate.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: I stopped in Texas at the big Texan, which is the giant steak place with the giant steak, just because you have to stop there, because it's a, it's, I've been there twice.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: That was my third time.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I had a green salad and I had french fries.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: I had no meat.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you, after driving along and looking at all those adorable cows, I no longer could.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: The thought of eating meat wasn't on my top on my list.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: Let's just put it that way.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: But I did have a giant, my giant Stanley cup with my electrolytes in it.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: I the one thing I do allow myself on a road trip is to drink as much Diet Coke as I possibly can muster.
9:07
SPEAKER_01: And I did that.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: Um aging teaches you that your energy is precious.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: I never pushed myself longer.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: I think my longest driving day was actually the second day coming home.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, I drove from Albuquerque to uh I drove Albuquerque to Oklahoma City.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: And um, it was windy, the stops were a little rough.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: I didn't drive as fast because it was windy.
9:38
SPEAKER_01: When I got to my hotel, I had put in the wrong address and got myself messed up, and that was a long day.
9:44
SPEAKER_01: And I don't like that.
9:45
SPEAKER_01: And making mistakes at the end of the day is never very good.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, but when I got to my room, this is what I did every time I got to my room.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: I undid my stuff and I went down to the gym and I walked on the treadmill.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: Every time and every morning I walked on the treadmill before I got in the car.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: I did that at every stop.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: I did that my whole trip.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: I will actually be honest with you, I lost six pounds on this trip.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's because I was afraid to overeat and eat the wrong things, so I wouldn't feel good on my trip.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't.
10:19
SPEAKER_01: Lynn and I were very good on the cruise.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: We we enjoyed ourselves.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: We never overindulged and we worked out all the time.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a huge part of it.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: But I don't want my body to retaliate, and that's wisdom.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: You start to think long game.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: How do I feel two hours from now?
10:39
SPEAKER_01: How will I sleep tonight?
10:40
SPEAKER_01: Is this worth it?
10:42
SPEAKER_01: That was a question I asked a lot.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: Is this worth it?
10:46
SPEAKER_01: That's not boring, that's evolving.
10:51
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: Let's just address the obvious the bathroom situation.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: Considering I was drinking as much water and Diet Coke as I could get my hands on, every two hours was a minimum for me to stop for a restroom.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: Now, do not sleep.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell you on truck stops, on major truck thoroughfares, these truck stops have elevated their game.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: They have elevated their snacking game, which I did not partake in.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: But let me tell you, every snack, no, they have elevated their bathrooms, they have elevated, even walking up to them.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: All the brand new ones don't have a step up.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing to trip on.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: Because let me tell you, every time I got out of the car, no bad, no matter how long I how bad I had to get to the bathroom, I went slow and methodical because the last thing I wanted to do was trip and fall.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: So there was a time I could drive from Chicago to anywhere without blinking.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: Now I need a clean restroom.
11:49
SPEAKER_01: And if it's if I know it's like a Bucky's, I will pull over out of respect and use the restrooms.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't test fate because here's the thing.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if this happens to you, but I don't have to go to the bathroom.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't have to go to the bathroom.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden my body goes, guess what?
12:03
SPEAKER_01: You needed to go an hour ago.
12:05
SPEAKER_01: Now get me to a bathroom.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: So I was really good at trying to manage that.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: And here's the deeper truth aging humbles you.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: You stop preventing pretending you're invincible.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: You stopped holding it in emotionally and physically.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: You just say, Yep, we're stopping.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: And I kind of love that.
12:25
SPEAKER_01: And driving alone, although Craig is very good about that, he never gives me a hard time.
12:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, but when you're driving alone, there's no drama, no ego, just practicality.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: Just pull over, Marcy.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Um patience changes.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Road trips will test your patience.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: Traffic, construction, that one car going 52 and a 70, totally, it's all out there.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you though, I did the old Route 66.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: Um, those highways are bustling and moving.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: And this time of year, when you're driving in the middle of the week, nobody's out there except for trucks and a few other road trippers.
13:02
SPEAKER_01: It was really a delight to drive.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: I and I will tell you, I didn't have one stitch, not one stitch of bad weather, coming or going.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: I missed every storm, every I had wind on the way home.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: That was it.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: But I'll take wind any day.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: No rain, no fog, no sleet, no snow.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: I had nothing.
13:21
SPEAKER_01: I had a few snowflakes when I left on January 11th, going out of Chicago.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: But by the time I went east into uh St.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: Louis, it was sunny the rest of the way.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: So here's what surprised me.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: I didn't react the way I used to.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: I didn't feel that same urgency because aging teaches you something very important.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: You get there when you get there.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: Rushing rarely improves anything.
13:50
SPEAKER_01: You start valuing peace over speed, and that's a major shift.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
13:57
SPEAKER_01: I listened to so many great things when I was driving that I wanted to, I, as I was getting close to the hotel, I'd find myself slowing down so I could finish a chapter of my book or a podcast.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: Listen to some good murder podcasts, listen to some radio shows that I listened to on Sirius that I could get back episodes on.
14:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, I listened to a book and I have got to finish it, and it's called The Lincoln Highway.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: It's a very good book.
14:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm almost done with it.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: So at this stage in my life, I'm not racing anyone.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm arriving.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: And you know what hit me?
14:34
SPEAKER_00: I packed way more than I needed to, and that is so not like me.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: It is so not like me.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: I overpacked, but that's because I had six weeks.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: I was going to Vegas and dressing up there, and then two weeks of roaming around California, and then a week-long cruise to Mexico, and I needed warm clothes.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: And in Chicago, right now, you know, if you look in your closet, there's nothing for Mexico.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: And I did some shopping along the way.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: I will tell you the honest truth.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: I stopped at so many TJ Maxx that um when I was in Torrance visiting Kyle, I actually had a hand emergency and I ended up getting a biopsy on my hand.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: I'll talk about that.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: And if you listen to Inside Marcy's mind.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: But on the way after um the day I went to urgent care, I uh stopped at a TJ Maxx, and there was a fraud alert on my um my Chase Visa because I had stopped at so many um TJ Maxx.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: They fraud alerted me.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: I told them, indeed, it's me.
15:33
SPEAKER_01: It's sadly it is me buying something else.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: I got some fabulous sparkly pants though for my cruise.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: They're so fabulous.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: And um, I got some other really cute things.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: So, but right now I packed for comfort and function.
15:48
SPEAKER_01: I packed for style when I needed it, and I kept myself organized, and that's aging.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you can stop overpacking in life, it's an excellent thing.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: You don't need to carry old arguments.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: Proving to yourself anything, trying to impress people who don't even like you.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: I may have traveled heavier on this vacation, but if you've listened to some of my podcasts recently, emotionally I'm traveling lighter.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: And lighter feels good.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you something.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: When you're on the road for hours by yourself, there's nowhere to hide.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: You think a lot, you reflect, you replay things, and if you're lucky, your son calls you and talks to you, and the other one texts you because that one doesn't call, but texts a lot.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: I replayed a lot of things.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: I had some not so great things happen on my road trip.
16:51
SPEAKER_01: But I had a lot of great things happen.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: So here's what aging does it make you more self-aware.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: I notice what stresses me, what calms me, what I'm still holding on to, and what I'm ready to release.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: In your younger years, you're busy building.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: Now you're refining, and that's powerful.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: There's one part that got me.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: There were moments I thought I am so lucky to be healthy enough to do this.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: I drove through some beautiful scenery.
17:30
SPEAKER_01: I went through the Ozarks, I went across the plains in Texas and Oklahoma.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: I came into New Mexico where there's plateaus and amazing rock structures.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: I drove through Arizona Mountains with Arizona with snow and pine trees.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: I drove into that famous Las Vegas with all of its lights.
17:55
SPEAKER_01: I drove through the hills of California that are so green right now, it looked like Ireland.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: I drove along the coast.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: I looked at the ocean.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: I drove through the desert, and all of a sudden, in the desert, if you're going to Arizona, all of a sudden it goes from desert and then the saguaros show up.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: Why do they show up there?
18:16
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
18:18
SPEAKER_01: And then they disappear just like they showed up.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm lucky to be healthy enough to do this.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: Not everyone gets this chapter.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Not everyone gets to take the trip.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Not everyone gets the time.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: So when you're sitting there watching the sunset over some random highway exit, you feel it deeper.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Gratitude hits differently now.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: It's not dramatic, it's quiet, it's steady, and it's real.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: I am grateful that I have the money, the time, and the ability to take six weeks out of my life and spend it with people I care about.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: Aging isn't about slowing down, it's about choosing better.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: Here's what my road trip really taught me.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Aging isn't a becoming it isn't about becoming fragile.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: It's about becoming intentional.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: We plan smarter, we rest better, we argue less, we appreciate more, we pack lighter and we move wiser.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: We do not stop living, we just stop doing it recklessly.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, that feels like a win.
19:30
SPEAKER_01: So if you're feeling your knees, if you're planning your bathroom stops and you're choosing protein over Skittles, you're not old, you're experienced.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: And around here, experience is sexy.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: This is Aging A for Sissies, and we stretch before we get out of the car, and we do not apologize for it.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: I love you all.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: Now go hydrate.