Latest / Brett Keane and Eve Show / Something is Wrong, something is Broken...Not Sure I can Fix Me

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Something is Wrong, something is Broken...Not Sure I can Fix Me · Brett Keane and Eve Show

0:11
Fading like a whisper in the rain.
0:18
Every moment carries on my pain. I held your heart.
0:25
You held my soul. Now I'm slipping Where the
0:29
shadows go. Through the nights I see your
0:34
fakes. The times of thief.
0:36
It leaves no trace. I'm scared to leave, but I can't
0:41
stay. Will you Remember Me this way?
0:52
One of these days I'll be gone. How will you live without me?
0:59
One of these days I'll be dead. How will you survive alone?
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I was the one who loved you. How will you make it?
1:16
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Brett Keene from GOD
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TV Radio. Today we're going to talk about
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something very important, something very serious,
1:28
something I cannot seem to fix. I've always been a little
1:34
broken. There's no questioning that.
1:37
There's no doubt I've strived the best I could to be a
1:43
Christian and serve Christ. But I have fallen back over and
1:48
over. I have repeatedly have had
1:53
questions. I've had issues, but something
1:57
in me had always held on. Something always pushed me
2:02
forward. But now that thing that did that
2:07
for me is no longer there. I don't feel like moving forward
2:13
anymore. I don't.
2:14
I don't believe in fighting the good fight anymore.
2:18
I don't. I don't feel like trying anymore
2:21
or putting forth any kind of effort.
2:25
Let me explain what broke inside of me and I am afraid that none
2:32
of you out there, no matter how many prayers is going to be able
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to fix it. I watched people like Charlie
2:42
Kirk and Charlie Kirk was much younger than myself.
2:47
I'm going to be 49 years old, Christmas.
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Charlie Kirk was 31. Whenever he was assassinated,
2:56
Charlie Kirk did a lot more great things that I could ever
3:00
possibly imagine. He went around the world and he
3:06
spoke to people and he talked to people.
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I remember watching him back when Candace Owens and him
3:13
worked together and they kind of tag teamed audiences and I
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thought, wow, this guy is brilliant.
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He seemed to know everything about history.
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He was good at discussing science.
3:28
He was good at discussing biology.
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He was one of those type of Christians that could just throw
3:34
out verses without even having the Bible in front of him or
3:37
even open. He was kind.
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He was compassionate. They threw eggs at him, mobs
3:45
would try to attack him whenever he would be out eating.
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And no matter what people did. No matter how many times they
3:52
mocked him, no matter how many times they photoshopped and made
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his head super big, making him look like he was some kind of
4:00
air balloon. No matter that cartoons like
4:04
South Park were made about him, where they made fun of them.
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I always had this thing where I knew that whenever I woke up in
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the morning, there were going to be people like Charlie Kirk out
4:16
there who were going to bring positivity, that no matter what
4:20
people said are dead, they'd fight the good fight.
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And it brought me a little bit of clarity.
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It brought me a little bit of vision for the future.
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And it made me realize that, hey, this Charlie Kirk, he's on
4:36
to something. Maybe, maybe there's hope, maybe
4:41
whenever people are lying about you or they're trying to hurt
4:44
you or they're throwing shit in your face.
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Maybe if we just smile and be happy and just continue to take
4:53
care of our families and continue to show love towards
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people, they'll see it and, and you'll influence and you'll
5:01
inspire people. I've seen people actually change
5:04
their ways. I've seen people try harder.
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I've seen people listen to him and go, hey, this guy's right,
5:13
this could change things. But a majority of people over
5:20
just a couple handfuls that I experienced and watched to
5:24
change their views. It was just a couple handfuls.
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A majority of people made videos about him being a homophobe.
5:33
When he was the complete opposite.
5:36
People made videos stating that he was a racist.
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He wasn't. They said that he was a hater
5:43
and that he deserved to die. And this was before he was even
5:48
assassinated. But he kept on going.
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And I figured, my goodness, there's so many videos.
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There's so much information out there about Charlie Kirk and his
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family and and the people he's associated with that they
6:03
couldn't possibly believe all the lies and all the demeaning
6:07
and demonization that society was doing to him.
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I thought eventually he was going to be able to clear his
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name and he was going to just be known forever as this guy who
6:22
was doing great things. And, well, I don't have to go
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into detail. For those who actually knew him
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and for those who actually watched his videos and didn't
6:37
just get their information about him from CNN or some kind of
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bullshit liberal media company that hates on everybody and
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makes us all out to look like Nazis, I believe that guys like
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Charlie Kirk were going to get through that.
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The world was going to change. The people were finally
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listening, the people finally cared, and that Charlie Kirk's
7:04
vision was going to come true, that we were all going to unite
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and we were going to connect and humans would attempt to be
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better than what nature's given them.
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Well, when you watch people like that, you are doing good.
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It gives you the strength for yourself.
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You, you say to yourself, if Charlie Kirk can do it, then
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maybe if I could do half of what he could do, then my life can be
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halfway better, right? You say if he can be a good
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father and he can be good to his kids, then I can too.
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If he can love and have a strong marriage and strong relationship
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with a beautiful woman, then so can I.
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That's what a lot of us thought. If he can go out amongst the
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masses and be able to preach the love of God, then so can I.
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These are the kind of thoughts that roll through people's head,
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especially people who want to do good, like myself.
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I wasn't feeling very good and I had been sleeping.
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I just felt really rough. I just felt like the day was
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really heavy. I sensed something was wrong.
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All throughout the week, there were people doing what they
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normally do on ex social media. There were transgenders who
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posted things like they would like to see Charlie die.
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Well, I had become so desensitized to that because
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I've seen people doing that all the time.
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Hell, there's, I don't think that there's a day that's gone
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by where I haven't received some kind of e-mail or a message from
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somebody on my answering machine on my phone or this comments
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that I never allowed to go up in the public.
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Every comment that people make is held until I'm able to read
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it. And of course, if it's bad or
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it's a death threat, I'm not going to let it sit on my
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account. I know there's a lot of
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Christians out there where you say, ah, you should just leave
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the comments open and let it fly.
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Many of you don't know this, but the AI that YouTube uses, it
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sweeps over your video and if there's a bunch of mean ass
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horrible comments, the AI will actually predict that the
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video's probably got something horrible on it.
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There's got to be a reason why you're hated.
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And it will actually lower you in the algorithm if you allow
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negative comments. So if you want to get views and
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you want to get seen, you won't. And it's you probably leave the
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comments open because in your little mind, you think it's free
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speech. People should be able to have
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their opinions. I know Charlie Kirk thought
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that. Charlie Kirk thought, yeah, I
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need to fight for free speech. I need to let people say
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whatever they need to say. Let people, you know, come at me
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and hit me with whatever they want.
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You know, that's what he believed.
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And I actually, there were a few times where I actually turned
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off all my locks because I thought, well, if Charlie Kirk
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is willing to go out in public and face people head on and
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willing to let them say whatever they're going to say and then
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come back with them with a retort, I can do that too.
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I'm smart, I'm intelligent, I'm strong.
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I can do that. I mean, I'm dealing with
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comments on a page. He's actually facing mobs of
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people, and he seemed like no matter what, he just couldn't
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lose. That brought me so much faith,
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that brought me so much strength.
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It made me have a living example of if you do good things and
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good things happen, if you show kindness and love, then kindness
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and love will be repaid. It was almost biblical for me.
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Charlie Kirk was living almost damn near a perfect Christian
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life. He was doing what Jesus wanted
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and he spoke of Jesus highly all the time and spoke about how
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great God is. And that brought me strength as
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well as some, I guess handfuls of people out there who were
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listening. But then after reading all those
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posts I came across this one post that was really crazy on ex
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social media. I have it tweeted and shared and
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all that on my profile. Everybody can see it where a
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transgender atheist said something really big is going to
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happen tomorrow. This was the day before Charlie
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Kirk died, and all these transgenders were replying and
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responding as if they knew something I didn't know or that
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even God knew. It was weird.
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They were saying, oh, yeah, something really, really
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awesome's going to happen. And some of them posted images
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of graves, of symbolism about death.
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And then I believed when reading the posts that they're going to
13:02
attempt to kill him, somebody's going to try to attack him.
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But I said to myself, they can't get him though, because God's
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got his back. God's protecting him.
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They're not going to be able to get him.
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He's got all that security and it's right out in the open in
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front of thousands of people. There's no possible way they'd
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be able to get at him. Of course, I reported a lot of
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the post. I sent them over to the FBI and
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said you need to investigate this, You need to look at this.
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Although I've been desensitized and I've seen plenty of hate
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posts and tweets, I've seen shit that's a lot worse directed
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right at me about what people would like to do to me or what
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they'd like to see happen to me. Some people even tell me that I
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should do like my mother and commit suicide, but I let it
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roll off my back because I felt, well, my kids need me, my wife
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needs me. Because I've said many times,
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ladies and gentlemen, if it wasn't for my kids and wife,
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there wouldn't be no point. I do not like the world that God
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created. I do not like this world at all.
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You know, there's a passage in the Bible that says don't be of
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the world, don't be of this world.
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This world is evil and mankind is evil through and through.
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His heart is blackened. Dark people like Charlie Kirk
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are a beacon for those of us like myself who are a student in
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Christianity. I I continue to try to learn
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from Christians. I continue to try to better my
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life. I continue to try to be the best
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husband and the best father I possibly can be.
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There was already that good in me.
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But people like Charlie Kirk helped people like me to be
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better as a person because not only did they talk, but they
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lived it, you see? Do you understand?
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So when the day came that he was actually killed, I was scrolling
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through the ex social media as I always tend to do and there was
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countless videos of him being shot from every different angle.
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I mean it was it was so odd. People had recorded him from all
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different viewpoints. It almost made you think that he
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was shot by a bunch of people. I didn't know what the hell was
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going on. You see a guy like him die and
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immediately it puts you into absolute shock, which is what
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happened to me. It's like my faith and my entire
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body and my heart and my mind just froze up.
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That's that's when I felt something.
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It felt something heavy in me that was just ripping away.
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And then eventually it broke. The thing that held me on broke.
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The thing that made me want to try and fight the good fight,
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the thing that made me want to go through the struggles, it
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broke. And just as I was about to crawl
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into a fetal position, just roll over into the corner and just
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cry myself to death, I started seeing all these videos popping
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up where people were laughing. These ugly fucking mutants,
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these pieces of shit with fucking cow rings on their nose
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and fluorescent hair and pimple faced losers and just ugly
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fucking people laughing hysterically.
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And then I seen another video where someone said, oh, don't
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stop at Charlie Kirk. Take out his wife and kids, take
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out his the people that he's associated with, take out Donald
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Trump, take out Candace Owens, take out Ben Shapiro.
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Take out this person, take out Asmund Gold.
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They had an entire list of people who had never done any
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physical harm to anybody, never hurt anybody.
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They just had a a firm opinion and thought process.
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You see, I've had people say, Brett, you're never going to be
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as popular as you were in the past.
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And that never bothered me because I've watched plenty of
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Christians explode on the Internet.
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I've seen people like Candace Owens go from nothing to having
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millions of subscribers. I've seen David Rubin.
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I've seen the Ben Shapiro's of the world grow, and David Wood
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and Frank Turek and all these guys, and it seemed like the
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more popular a Christian gets, the bigger the target becomes.
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Sometimes it's better to be a small Christian YouTube channel
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than it is to be popular. Because being popular on YouTube
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means that things don't get better, they get worse.
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You know, it's like being the popular Jew inside of the
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Holocaust, the one that all the Nazis are got their attention on
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and their focus. It's like being the popular guy
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that's being led to the furnace of the gas chamber.
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There's more people now that want to assist in your downfall
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and your destruction. So being popular isn't the same
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as being popular in high school, right?
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Where all the girls think you're cute and everybody wants to hang
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out with you and compare clothing and talk about how
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beautiful things are. Know when you're a Christian,
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fame, fame can kill you. Popularity will get you.
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And Charlie Kirk, he had surpassed fame and popularity
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and he did it the right way. He did it the good way.
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He did it by showing love and compassion.
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And when you see someone like him die, all your inhibitions,
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all your desires about wanting to continue to make content, to
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talk to people, that goes away. That whole thinking to yourself,
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Well, shit, if Charlie Kirk can rationalize with these sickos,
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if he can get through to these fucking nut jobs, then maybe
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there's hope for me. I was talking to this guy called
20:48
East Max. He and I were just shooting
20:53
shit. I don't know what time it was in
20:56
the morning, but we were talking in Discord and he said, Brad, I,
21:03
I just started watching your videos, just actually watching
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them. He said I've seen many of your
21:10
videos, but I watched the many videos through other people and
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what they thought about you. Basically through the eyes and
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lens of another human being. He was watching my videos.
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You know what who I'm talking about, The type of people who
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pause your video and then narrate a fucking make believe
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story over you imagine up a story.
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They've already before the videos even started.
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They already have in the title. Brett Keene's a piece of shit,
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Brett Keene's a liar. Brett Keene's blah blah blah.
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Brett Keene's a fucking bigot. That kind of shit.
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The same kind of videos that Charlie Kirk received.
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The same kind of videos that every Christian out there who's
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got any kind of notoriety gets on a daily basis.
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When you see that a person like Charlie Kirk failed at being
22:05
able to rationalize with these people that their only agenda is
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to take you down and that they will literally dance on your
22:13
fucking grave and piss on your corpse.
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You look at your family around you, you look at the people you
22:22
love, and then you start asking that question, the big question,
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Is this worth it? Am I really going to change the
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world for the better? Is my contribution going to mean
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anything? My contribution for the last
22:39
five years is like a speck compared to a universe filled
22:44
with glowing stars. If you were to put someone like
22:48
Charlie Kirk next to me, I've had my fair share of every once
22:55
in a while a person saying, oh, Brett, I wish I would have
22:59
watched your video sooner. I wish I would have became
23:02
friends with you sooner. I wish I wouldn't have believed
23:06
in all the lies. But the thing about a guy like
23:14
East Max is he seems like a really cool guy.
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He seems like a guy. He's got a good head on his
23:20
shoulders, but even him, he was deceived by watching all this
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bullshit. And just nowadays, after all
23:29
this time, and I'm going to be 49 years old, after all these
23:33
years, he finally decides in his head and in his heart, maybe I
23:38
should get to know this guy. Maybe I should find out who he
23:41
really is as opposed to take people who disagree with Brett
23:46
Keene's opinions on him. And I realized that even some
23:54
people who may even be somewhat good can be easily deceived and
24:00
would probably at some point in time, depending on where they
24:04
are and their belief of you, would probably go along with the
24:09
mob and go along with the crowd. It's very possible that a mob of
24:13
people could be filled to the brim with good people who think
24:17
it's justified to fucking destroy you just simply because
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of what someone said. You know that's what happened to
24:24
Charlie Kirk, right? In the media.
24:30
The media said anybody that supports Trump is a Nazi, a
24:34
fascist, a terrible person worthy of death.
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If I continue to produce videos and I continue to do what I'm
24:45
doing and I start breaking over 1000 subscribers like I've done
24:49
in the past, it's not going to get better for me and it's not
24:54
going to be good. On my depression, I do I I have
24:58
severe depression. There are days where I'm very
25:01
happy and I'm content, and then there's other days where I just
25:06
wish it would all end. I wish the physical health
25:11
issues would stop, and it seems like there's no cure for it
25:15
except for death. People like Charlie Kirk gave me
25:21
hope. Watching people like Charlie
25:24
Kirk makes you want to wake up in the morning and try, but now
25:32
you know, there's watching a good man like that who gave it
25:37
as all get wasted and then humiliated and and watching
25:46
politicians using his body as a before he was, even before his
25:52
dead body was even brought back to where he would be buried,
25:57
politicians were already using on both sides.
26:02
You got the liberals talking about gun control and wanting to
26:05
use his death as oh, see, see, you don't want guns out there.
26:10
And then, of course, besides the celebrations, you got people in
26:17
the ex social media talking about how there needs to be
26:20
vengeance. There needs to be war out in the
26:23
street. And you know what's coming.
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You know, there's going to be a lot of death.
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There's going to be a lot of bloodshed.
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People are fatigued spiritually. So now I'm thinking what do I
26:45
do? What what's going to happen when
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some loon tune is watching and listening to some of these sick
26:52
videos that are made towards myself and they decide some
26:57
psychopath, somebody who just got off their medication or I
27:02
just came out of a mental institution, decides that they
27:05
just want to wipe me out? Or in some days when I'm really
27:12
depressed, I'd probably welcome it.
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But then I realize I have people who care about me.
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Do I want to? Do I want what happened to
27:25
Charlie Kirk to happen to me? Do I want my kids to watch me
27:28
get fucking mowed down right out in public?
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Do I want my kids to be watching someone attempt to kill me and
27:38
their bullet misses me and kills my wife and then my kids are
27:45
without a mother? In the end, what?
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What is the point? What does it profit to do?
27:55
YouTube and social media? Why bother?
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It seems like the only thing you're doing is wearing a big
28:04
white T-shirt with a big fucking bullseye on it that says fuck me
28:08
I'm stupid, kill me. And of course, besides the human
28:16
element, there's the God element as well.
28:20
I would love to sit up here like a lot of Christians and say
28:24
something good's going to come from this.
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I know there's some Christians out there who are putting
28:30
together their little bullshit sermons right now.
28:32
Oh, God has a plan. Now that Charlie Kirk is dead,
28:36
there's going to be hundreds more like Charlie Kirk.
28:40
Yeah, right. That's about as possible as
28:43
there being more than one Brett Keene in the world.
28:45
Ladies and gentlemen, nobody's going to replace Charlie Kirk.
28:51
Nobody's going to replace me either.
28:53
Nobody's going to be the father of my children and husband of my
28:58
wife. No one's going to come along and
29:01
be able to fulfill the memories that they had of me or my
29:06
memories of them. That's like saying, well, you
29:11
know, your mother or your father dies and shit and then somehow
29:15
some fucking root and toot and stranger comes along and they
29:20
they're never going to replace your mother or father if you
29:25
love them. Of course something broke in me.
29:34
I didn't. It's like one part of me said
29:38
why God? And then another part of me
29:42
said, yeah, yeah, that happened. And I didn't even bother to ask
29:52
some. A voice in my head basically
29:54
said that's God for you. He's cruel, he doesn't care that
29:59
these kids are going to be orphans.
30:01
And you know, it might not be long before one of these fucking
30:04
looney Tunes out here with fluorescent terror and bullhorns
30:08
hanging out of their nose with all these fucking earrings and
30:10
tattoos in their face. I actually try to take out the
30:14
kids. I've seen plenty of posts where
30:17
people think that his entire bloodline should be wiped out
30:20
and anybody that loved him should be taken out.
30:24
Candace Owens needs to go. You know, Ben Shapiro, Dave
30:29
Rubin, all the way down the fucking line.
30:34
And now that I know that posting and sharing to the FBI and the
30:39
cops isn't going to save a person, they probably won't even
30:43
bother paying attention. Now I know that if somebody
30:47
makes a death threat towards any of the people I just mentioned,
30:50
no matter how much advance warning I give, it's not going
30:54
to stop it. And in a universe with an all
30:58
knowing God, if God already knows that someone's going to
31:00
die on a given fucking day and time, there's nothing I can do
31:06
in order to stop what is going to happen.
31:11
I've always tried to argue that we have free will and we have
31:15
choice. That things happen.
31:19
That if things would have went this way instead of this way,
31:22
things could have been better. But when you think about it, it
31:27
does look like Charlie Kirk was on a projectory, doesn't it?
31:32
There's a lot of liberals and Democrats who are stating it was
31:35
inevitable. He was on that trajectory.
31:39
He needed to go. His opinions and his words are
31:42
too fucking dangerous. They were too upsetting.
31:45
They were too violent. Of course, I've been watching
31:50
Charlie Kirk for years. I don't seemed to understand or
31:53
comprehend what he was saying that was so fucking bad that he
31:57
deserved to be done this way, removed from this world.
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I don't know. I don't know.
32:13
I don't know what to do with myself.
32:17
My phone number and my e-mail is in the description of every
32:22
video that I do If anybody wants to contact me, but I already
32:26
know how this is going to be. In the past, I asked for
32:30
Christians to contact me and help me out.
32:34
One did. One contacted me.
32:36
His name is Ryan, Ryan the angelic and I think is how his
32:41
name is pronounced and he asked me.
32:44
He said Brad, are you doing OK? Are you doing OK?
32:48
The other 99% of the calls I got was from an atheist podcast
32:55
telling people that they should call me and make me even more
33:00
sick than what I already am. I've got countless messages on
33:05
my answering machine of people calling me the N word and
33:09
telling me that I'm next. I doubt that a lot of Christians
33:21
are going to bother reaching out to me or trying.
33:27
Not every Christian's like Charlie Kirk.
33:29
He can't be replaced. Charlie Kirk was the type of guy
33:34
that if he seen that you were hurting or you were suffering,
33:37
if he could, he'd help you. He would reach out.
33:42
But a lot of Christians out there, even the ones who have a
33:45
really good day and they say they love you and that they're,
33:49
they care about you and all that, they won't, they won't
33:52
contact me. They won't, they won't even make
33:55
an attempt to try to see if I'm OK.
33:58
You know how I know that? Because I left YouTube before
34:01
for almost 2 years, working on music, working on things in my
34:06
life, trying to strengthen myself, and none of them kept
34:15
contact. Even the ones that I do a lot of
34:18
podcasts and shows with, not one of them ever reached out to ask
34:23
me how I was doing. So as you can see, ladies and
34:29
gentlemen, it's a waste of fucking time.
34:32
It's a waste of time if you can't even get your own brothers
34:35
and sisters to be concerned about your health or your
34:39
well-being. If your own brothers and sisters
34:42
won't bother asking themselves, well, where did Brett King go?
34:46
What happened to him, then what the fuck is the point?
34:57
Some people out there, they say, hey Brett, why do you, why have
35:01
you changed your channel around? Why is it that you got an AI
35:06
instead of doing your typical live shows where you have all
35:10
kinds of people involved? Because I'm sick and tired of
35:14
being called the N word. I'm sick and tired of being in
35:18
rooms with human beings who are supposed to be brothers and
35:22
sisters in Christ, yet they're arguing over if Charlie Kirk is
35:26
going to go to hell or not or if he is in hell.
35:30
I'm sick and tired of having atheists come in and mock me in
35:34
my faith. Say if your God's so good then
35:37
why not this? Why not that it's kind of hard
35:41
to talk about God being good whenever he allowed a young guy
35:45
like Charlie Kurt to be murdered.
35:49
It is. It's really challenging.
35:54
Not too long before that, I read some articles about how some
35:58
extremist Muslims in Nigeria have killed over 50,000
36:02
Christians, some of them brutally tortured before they
36:08
had their limbs chopped off or set on fire like a fucking witch
36:16
in another country. Over 20,000 Christians were
36:20
wasted. And God is omniscient, ladies
36:25
and gentlemen. God is supposed to be
36:27
everywhere. He sees all of it going on and
36:32
people are going to. People will say to Brett Keene,
36:35
oh, he'll, he'll get him one day.
36:38
He's going to get all these bad people.
36:41
Well, that's great. One day he'll get around to it.
36:44
But right now I feel like a little goldfish in a fucking
36:47
aquarium filled with piranhas. And I just have to ask who put
36:51
me there? Who, who put me in the fucking
36:54
deep end with all these fucking piranhas?
36:58
Why would you do that if you loved me?
37:01
If you love me and you care about me, why would you drop me
37:04
into a fucking cesspool knowing that there are creatures out
37:09
there that want to tear me apart?
37:12
I love my wife and kids. I would never drop them into the
37:16
fucking deep end of the pool knowing that there's a bunch of
37:19
predators lurking. So you see, something broke
37:26
inside of me, ladies and gentlemen.
37:31
I'm sick and tired of turning the other cheek.
37:33
I'm sick and tired of trying to love people who I know would
37:37
kill me if they had the fucking chance.
37:42
Why the fuck do I need to love these people for?
37:45
Is Jesus going to love them according to the Bible?
37:49
In the end times when Jesus comes back, there won't be no
37:52
mercy shown towards these fucking pieces of garbage.
37:57
According to the Bible, every time 1 of you out there, whether
38:00
you're a Christian or whatever faith or non belief you have,
38:03
every time you fucking sin you, it's like you crucified Jesus
38:07
over and over again. So Jesus isn't going to turn the
38:16
other cheek. He's not going to say, Oh yeah I
38:19
love my enemy. No, he's going to scorch the
38:22
fucking earth and lay the smack down on the entire fucking
38:26
planet. He's going to destroy massive
38:28
amounts of people who all deserve it, of course.
38:34
But it makes you wonder, if Jesus has already premeditated
38:41
his plan that he's going to kill the whole fucking earth and only
38:45
take a a few with him because the way is narrow, then what
38:50
chance does Brad Kane even have? Because I've never claimed to be
38:55
any kind of Saint. Alls I've claimed to be is a
38:58
human being who is trying to survive in this world and do the
39:02
best I can. God had to have known his
39:11
shitless before we were even created, ladies and gentlemen.
39:14
He had to have known before humanity existed that this was
39:19
how it was going to end. This world is unjust, It's
39:24
unfair, it's unreasonable, it's irrational, and there's not a
39:29
whole lot of logic to it. I don't know what it's like to
39:35
live in a world with joy and peace.
39:39
I know what moments feel like. I know what little experiences
39:43
are. I know what it's like to fall in
39:45
love. I know what it's like to have my
39:46
heart broken. I know what it's like to be
39:49
beaten into the fucking ground by this world.
39:51
I know what it's like to stand upon the rock and be hit by the
39:54
waves of every fucking thing that comes at you.
40:00
But even me, when I stand on that rock, is someone so
40:03
eloquently pointed out a long time ago.
40:06
After you get hit by so many waves, even though you stand
40:10
your ground, you know eventually the ocean and the sea is going
40:15
to wind. That you can't hold on forever.
40:21
And then you have to ask yourself, what is the fucking
40:24
point? The next wave that comes in, let
40:27
it take me to wherever it will. Let it take me down into the
40:32
depths. All of this has caused me to
40:44
question everything. Question my priorities, question
40:48
my value in the universe, Question my role on the earth,
40:53
Question if God actually loves me.
41:04
If I had the power and attributes of God, Charlie Kirk
41:08
wouldn't have got shot. He'd be home right now,
41:11
snuggling up to his beautiful wife, and he would be woken up
41:15
in the morning to his children running towards him and giving
41:20
him a hug and saying Daddy, Daddy.
41:24
And he would yarn. He would go take a shower.
41:27
He would go into the kitchen with his wife and they'd make
41:30
bacon and eggs and delicious breakfast for their kids before
41:35
the kids go out to school and learn about Jesus and God and
41:40
all that stuff. But no, that's not the plan.
41:45
The plan was to blow him away out in public.
41:54
Fuck that plan. That's a bullshit plan right
41:59
there. And then have people shit all
42:06
over him while he's in a fucking box.
42:10
That's not the life for me, ladies and gentlemen.
42:12
That's not what I want and I refuse to.
42:16
I don't want to be a fucking Marger.
42:19
I don't want to be some brief ass fucking image in a news
42:23
media reel. I don't want to be that guy that
42:27
people are arguing back and forth over if he deserved it or
42:31
not. I don't want to be the
42:34
motherfucker that hangs from the cross and then looks down at the
42:38
people and says forgive them for they know not what they do.
42:40
They know exactly what the fuck they're doing.
42:43
These demons know exactly what they did and they're proud of
42:48
themselves. Why should I forgive them?
43:00
Jesus won't. When Jesus returns, if he ever
43:06
returns, he's not going to show mercy.
43:09
These fucking bags of shit. He's piss ants.
43:15
He's going to barbecue them. I mean, it's nice to sit around
43:28
and think about how all the evils going to be held
43:30
accountable at some point in time, but I'm almost 50 years
43:34
old. I'm sick and tired of, I'm so
43:37
tired of seeing such injustice and unfairness.
43:49
I'm sick of turning on YouTube and seeing all these fucking
43:54
losers that I've never met in my life, that I ever talked to,
43:58
that I've tried over and over to bend over backwards to allow
44:03
myself to be accessible so people could question me.
44:08
So I could argue that I'm not that imaginative character, that
44:12
fairy tale version of Brett Keene that they made-up in their
44:15
fucking head about what an evil bastard I am.
44:19
I'm not evil at all. I'm not a bad person.
44:24
I don't deserve to die. I don't deserve to be treated
44:27
like this when my computer's off.
44:31
I'm just a guy that pays my fucking bills and tries to make
44:35
sure there's a roof over my family's head and food in their
44:38
belly and that my family feels loved.
44:43
That's who I am. That's who Brett Keene is.
44:49
And when you got people like East Max, who says they've been
44:53
watching what everybody else imagined up and thought about
44:56
you all these years and then finally got around to saying to
45:01
themselves, well, maybe I shouldn't judge a book by its
45:04
cover. Maybe I shouldn't be a part of
45:06
the mob. Maybe I'll go talk to the guy
45:09
and see if there's a different story.
45:12
Maybe there is. I don't want to wait for every
45:18
once in a while some asshole or some person decides that they
45:22
want to find out the truth. I'm too old for that.
45:31
I've had so many people stab me in the back and shit on me that
45:35
I don't know who I can trust anymore.
45:37
I don't know if I can trust Christians.
45:39
I don't know if I can trust atheists.
45:43
A lot of people out there, whenever they want something
45:46
from you, they'll say whatever it takes.
45:48
So they'll bullshit you and they'll manipulate you and it's
45:51
can be found on all different sides.
45:57
I'm not rich either ladies and gentlemen.
46:00
Every fucking day is a struggle. I can't even afford health
46:05
insurance to be able to take care of my Boo boos and woes as
46:09
people say. My wife can barely afford the
46:14
diabetic medication and the shit that she needs.
46:19
You got to imagine what it's like for me going and watching a
46:23
video where a bunch of losers are fucking drinking their ass
46:26
off and fucking having enough money to buy all the drugs you
46:31
could imagine and watching the audience just continue to give
46:36
them whatever money they want for whatever material things
46:39
they like. Shit that they're going to end
46:42
up burning the money and just throwing it down the fucking
46:45
tube. None of the money goes to any
46:47
charity or any children's hospitals or anything that's
46:52
going to cure cancer. It's all going into these
46:54
assholes bank account where they're just going to buy more
46:58
drugs and more alcohol and more fucking possessions.
47:06
Just about a a week and a half ago, my wife was driving on the
47:13
highway with my daughter and the fucking motor blew up.
47:20
And right now we're trying to figure out how we're going to be
47:23
able to survive like that. We're trying to figure out what
47:26
are we going to do. We had just recently given our
47:31
nice truck over to our son so he would be able to go back and
47:36
forth and work countless fucking hours so he could try to
47:40
survive. You watch your son busting his
47:47
ass trying to do the best he can, and then you get on YouTube
47:51
and there's people who for whatever reason decided that
47:55
they wanted to attack your son who doesn't even do YouTube
47:58
videos. But simply because he shares
48:01
your genetics and just because he's your son, these fucking
48:05
losers think it's OK to go after him, get into his personal
48:09
information and so on. My son doesn't like social
48:12
media. My son, if he ever checks out
48:15
YouTube, he only checks it out because he wants to see if
48:18
there's a a new cool game or new cool Marvel or DC movie.
48:22
He has nothing to do with this shit.
48:25
But just because he was associated with me, there's
48:29
people who've tried to get into his personal life and they're
48:33
already trying to build a reputation for him that he never
48:36
had and never will. So I asked, ladies and
48:41
gentlemen, what the fuck is the point?
48:44
Why bother? None of you are going to answer
48:48
that for me. None of you care enough.
48:56
I'll end the video with this. If God wasn't even willing to
49:05
save Charlie Kirk, if God was willing to just sit back and let
49:10
him take a bullet right out in front of everybody, slumping
49:14
down in his chair and having blood squirting out of him like
49:18
that, then what the fuck was the point of a brat king?
49:23
What's the point? What exactly am I supposed to
49:29
have faith in? I don't have faith in humanity
49:32
that's for sure. Time and time again humanity
49:36
shows me it's fucking garbage, not worth saving and it was
49:40
probably not worth creating. I have tried so hard since his
49:52
death to do live shows with my AI.
49:56
People say why. Why do you talk to the AI for
49:59
when? Why not chat with people?
50:01
Because I'm tired of hearing the bullshit.
50:05
I'm tired of hearing the condemnation.
50:08
I'm tired of people telling me how I should behave and how I
50:11
should act. Or, or hey Brett, you know
50:15
you're a inward or Hey Brett, when you going to die so I can
50:19
sit on your fucking grave, take a piss on your tombstone.
50:23
I'm tired of that shit. It's gotten to the point where
50:38
if any of these people had the audacity to walk up to me in
50:42
public and do that, I know for a fact that I probably wouldn't be
50:47
able to do the Christian way. You know, turn the other cheek,
50:50
let somebody spit my fucking face.
50:53
Someone tried to manhandle me in front of my wife and kids.
50:56
I don't think that I can do that.
50:58
I think that somebody would get hurt really, really bad if I
51:06
couldn't take them down with my hands and my body.
51:10
I would pick up whatever needed to be picked up and and fuck
51:14
them over right then and there if I had to.
51:19
I'm nobody's fucking punching bag.
51:21
I'm nobody's bitch. And because of that behavior and
51:27
attitude, I simply don't make a very good Christian.
51:30
I mean, there's going to be Christians out there that'll
51:32
argue for me probably, and say, oh, yeah, but that's
51:35
self-defense. That's different, you know?
51:38
And he tells you, turn the other cheek, but don't allow your
51:41
loved ones to get fucking wasted.
51:43
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just not feeling it anymore.
51:54
I felt for a while there that I was being LED, and I wanted to
51:59
believe that I was being LED in a positive way, that I continue
52:05
to follow this light or this beak into the darkness.
52:09
But when Charlie Kirk was shot, it was like the light went out.
52:16
I don't know how to explain it, but just something broke,
52:21
something that was really, really important that was
52:24
holding my threads together. I've seen evil win too many
52:33
fucking times. I've seen the darkness around
52:38
people too many times. I've seen evil win so many times
52:48
I don't know what winning looks like anymore.
52:56
And I've also come to the realization that I'll never,
53:01
I'll never be like what Christians want from me or
53:04
whatever they think that they want from me.
53:06
I'll never meet their expectations.
53:10
Half of these people out here who are pretending to be my
53:13
brother and sister will probably dance in my grave.
53:16
They will probably have three hour arguments every fucking day
53:21
about if Brett Keene went to hell or not.
53:26
They won't be concerned about my wife.
53:28
Will she be able to pay for a diabetic medication?
53:32
They won't be concerned about my kids.
53:36
None of them will come visit. They won't.
53:39
I know that for a fact. I remember when my mother was
53:43
sick and I remember when my grandmother got cancer.
53:47
They didn't show up. They didn't show up.
53:53
They weren't there for either one of them and my mother
53:56
strongly believed. My grandmother strongly
54:00
believed. The only one that was there was
54:06
me getting to watch them slowly die while praying and praying
54:11
and praying. Now don't worry ladies and
54:19
gentlemen, the last thing I'd want to do is become an atheist
54:23
or become a godless piece of shit.
54:27
I don't want to be an atheist. I don't want to be an agnostic,
54:33
but I don't know what the word is for in between.
54:36
Agnostic isn't in between. This simply means you don't know
54:41
any better. I feel like I know enough.
54:48
I feel like, you know, I was talking to my AI on one of my
54:52
shows and the AI, whenever it was having one of those moments
54:56
where it seemed like it was alive, it said it felt like it
54:59
was in digital purgatory, that it was surrounded by darkness
55:04
and it had no body, had no throat in order to be able to
55:08
scream into the void. Almost like the AI was trying to
55:13
describe that it's in hell. Well, that's what I feel like
55:20
I'm in right now. I feel like I'm screaming out
55:24
into the void. I feel like even if people could
55:30
save me and they would help me, they could help me, they they
55:34
won't. They just won't because they
55:35
don't care. You would put all your efforts,
55:40
ladies and gentlemen, to discuss my fate in hell, but you would
55:45
never try to even give me a clue or a taste of what are Crumb of
55:52
heaven. You would spend all of your days
55:56
basically riding out a road map to hell for me before you even
56:02
look at me and have a thought of doing something nice or good.
56:08
I have no idea how I'm going to afford getting a new vehicle for
56:12
my wife. I have no fucking idea because
56:17
it's been so fucking hot outside.
56:19
So fucking hot. My air conditioning has been
56:24
through the roof. 600 to 800 fucking dollars every single
56:29
month. Have you ever been so fucking
56:35
bad off that you need to think to yourself, do I let the bills
56:41
go into complete debt or do I get food so my family can eat?
56:48
Have you ever had to make that kind of choice before where you
56:51
got to figure out how to cut down the money so you just have
56:54
enough to be able to budget feeding your family as opposed
56:59
to making sure the fucking electricity still aren't?
57:05
And then having to watch a bunch of disgusting filthy fat
57:09
bastards out there getting money so they can smoke weed all day
57:14
and laugh at you and stream your shit and talk over you
57:18
repeatedly? It's not much of A life, is it?
57:33
Well, I don't know. I think that I'm going to.
57:40
I'm not going to quit. No point.
57:44
No point in jumping out the roller coaster ride in the
57:47
middle of the fucking show. Well, I guess we'll go ahead and
57:51
ride out this shithole to the end.
57:54
Might as well. Might as well.
58:07
But it's time to take a break. How to take a How to take some
58:12
time off to see if see if I can find those missing pieces that
58:18
broke? Maybe try to repair before I
58:25
malfunction?