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#HURDLEMOMENT: The Most Powerful Word You're Not Saying Enough · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I hate to give this away in the first fifteen
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: seconds of the pod, but today's hurdle moment is all
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: about the word no. No, no, don't nope, don't nope no. Okay,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I amuse myself there. I said it. I've had a
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: really hard time coming into my power and saying no
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: over the past two years. And I'll wrap about that
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: in just a minute before I do my hurdle moment.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Partner Way of Life athletic company Wollaco is dropping their
• 0:33
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• 0:40
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• 0:44
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• 0:49
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• 0:52
  Speaker 1: and T Rebecca today to pick up mine, and uh,
• 0:55
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• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Go give them a look see at Wollaco dot com.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: That's Wolaco dot com. I remember back in episode fifty
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: when I recorded with Nike Master trainer and wellness consultant
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Joe Holder, he said to me, the two most powerful
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: words we have in our vocabulary are yes and no,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: and the guy's right. Still, so often we cave into
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: the ease and familiarity of the word yes, even when
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: it's not in our best interest, even when it actually
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: makes things harder for us, because we're so overly concerned
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: about how no can make other people feel. Reality check, guys,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: we all have the opportunity to own no, and we
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: need to period. In today's Hurdle Moment, I'm going to
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: talk about how to get comfortable with no and even
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: how to make using it feel a little bit easier.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: As always at Hurdle podcast at Emily a Body and
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I'm always around via email Emily at hurdle dot us.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: With that, let's get to hurdling. The ability to say
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: no more means that you accept that you're in the
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: driver's seat of your own life. It's powerful, right. There's
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: a big difference between the words I can't and I won't.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: When you say I can't, it's like using the word maybe,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: as if your decisions up for debate. You're allowing yourself
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: to make a conscious choice. But when you say I won't,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: that's definitive. That's something you're sure of. That's you not
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: only owning what you want, but sometimes what you need,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: of course, getting assertive and sometimes standing up for yourself.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: It takes practice, so you could try a little intro exercise.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: For example, start by saying no in situations that don't
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: feel like you have so much to lose. This could
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: be super easy, like at a restaurant when a waitress
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: asks you if you want dessert, or maybe it's when
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: a telemarketer calls and tries to sell you something. In
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: these less than life or death situations, to completely over exaggerate,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: you're getting a sense for what it feels like to
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: own your decisions. Then, to make saying no easier and
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: more difficult situations, you need to first and foremost remember
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: your priorities and values. You have to be willing to
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: open up with yourself about what those are. For instance,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: hurdle is one of my top priorities. If you're listening
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: right now, well, I can only hope that you appreciate
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: that this means. And on the weekends I'm constantly setting
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: aside time to work on it so that the episode's
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: already for Mondays. If someone wants to do dinner on
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: a Sunday night, if hurdle's not done, I'm not going
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: to dinner. At least well not outside of my apartment.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And that's because I've made it clear to myself that
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: this is a big priority for me. When it comes
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: to things that take away from this big priority, the
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: answer is I won't. Okay, So you've identified that you
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: want to say no. That's a big first step. The
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: next step is doing so in a way that makes
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: you feel comfortable. Now, firstly, I will never suggest the
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: ghost technique as a no. In fact, I just cannot
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: stand ghosting in general and dating and work relationships and friendships.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: It's just see what's on your mind and own that closure.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: If something's just not right for you anyway. Like I said,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: own your no. Be firm and confident in your decision.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Find comfort in the idea that sometimes it's just okay
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: to say no and move on. It's okay to say
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: no and not explain yourself. With that said, you also
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: have the opportunity to be generous when you use offering
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: up maybe an alternative suggestion. Say if your friend asks
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: you to go to happy hour after work, but you're
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: really trying to cut back on the drinking and you
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: told yourself this wasn't going to be one of those weeks.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: So instead of saying no with nothing else, you could
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: say no, but hey, maybe you want to go to
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: yoga instead. This way, you're sticking to your moral compass
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  Speaker 1: A and B. You're showing someone that you care about
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: that you care about making time for them. This will
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: help you avoid resentment and frustration, which is definitely key. Now. Granted,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not just saying that all of a sudden you
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: have to start saying no to everything. There are definitely
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: going to be times that you have to say yes
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: when you don't want to. Perhaps you have an ultimate
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: goal in mind that's going to require a little bit
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: more yesing. If you know that you're trying to build
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: your business and you're trying to network, that's going to
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: mean that maybe you're out at some of those drinks
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: meetups that you don't necessarily want to be at. But
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: what I'm trying to get out here ultimately is that
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: you need to say no more often when it comes
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: to protecting your space, when it comes to protecting your energy,
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: when it comes to understanding that you are worthy of
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: that investment, and that's okay. I found that in the
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: past a lot of the reason I wasn't saying no
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: was because I was scared to miss out. But I
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  Speaker 1: want you to ask yourself this, Are you thinking about
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: what the opportunity that's saying no brings you? Or are
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: you so worried about seeing an Instagram story of someone
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: doing something without you that you instantly forget your values
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  Speaker 1: and your priorities. Listen to me carefully, everyone, Each time
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  Speaker 1: you say no to something that you would have said
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  Speaker 1: yes to in the past, you are strengthening your muscles
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: to create boundaries, and then you're making it easier to
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: say no in the future. That's pretty awesome. So I
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: want you to try it, and I want you to
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: report back to me again. This is a two way conversation.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I know you, guys, you're listening to this angelic voice
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: right now, but it is so important for me to
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: know what's resonating with you, what you like to hear about,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: what you want to know more about. So, whether it's
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: over Instagram or in an email, tell me a story
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: about how saying no has empowered you. I think you
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: might be surprised to see that it makes you feel
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: strong in all of the areas of your life. At
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Emily a body at hurdle podcast, Another hurdle conquered. Catch
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: you guys next time.