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Transcript

Turn On The News: Dream Weaver · Donald Drumpf Theatre radio show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin direct via
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: satellite from our on-the-spot task force.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: No sports, no rock, no information.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: For mindless chatter, we're your station.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Stand by for news.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: News on the mark.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: Newsroom in New York.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: You have tuned in Turn on the News,
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: the weekly newscast from the radio network,
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: with all the radio coverage of the radio.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Now with computerized news readers,
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: with fewer meddling humans,
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: and more aggregated reporting and automated music.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Tune in Turn on the News each week for the latest news,
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: radio art,
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: and more from our robot reporters,
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: making sure you hear both sides good and evil every time you turn on the news.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: No, we can't.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Why does everything have to be so weird?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: These are dangerous times.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Something terrible is going to happen.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: Things are about to get
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: It is Labor Day, which means we're in the fall, referring to either autumn or of democracy.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: Either way, the colors are spectacular.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: Traditionally, Labor Day is also when campaign season kicks into full gear.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: The last two years of watching Trump campaign have just been an appetizer.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_03: Or as they say in France, an amuse-douche.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: A little something from the chef.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: I see a simple time.
• 2:21
  I see the morning light.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: Joe Biden dropped out.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: Someone tried to shoot Donald Trump.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: We put together a quiz for those of you who weren't paying attention like I wasn't this summer.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: Which of the following things did Donald Trump do over the summer, and which did I make up?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: I want you to guess, all right?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_03: You ready?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, after the attempt on his life, did Donald Trump offer assassination edition sneakers for sale?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: Lock in your votes.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: And he, yeah, well, why, he sure did.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's right.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: Fight, fight, fight.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: Did Donald Trump release 50 all new stunning digital trading cards that show him
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: dancing and even holding some bitcoins?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: 50 all new stunning digital trading cards.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: It's really something.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: These cards show me dancing and even me holding some bitcoins.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: He has finally arrived at the exact intersection of QVC and QAnon.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: Did Donnie Dumb Dumb make any of the following crazy statements?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: Lion Kamala Harris, lion.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_03: Comrade Kamala Harris.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_03: She happened to turn black and now she wants to be known as black.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't know, is she Indian or is she black?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a better looking person.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: Then Kamala.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_03: My beautiful Christians, I love you Christians.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a Christian.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_03: Sir, Chris Christie is not a fat pig.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: Elvis had a guitar.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_03: He had a lot.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_03: We love Elvis, right?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: But he had a guitar.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: I don't have a guitar.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'd like to congratulate the young woman who transitioned.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: from a man into a boxer.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: You can't walk across the street to get a loaf of bread.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: You get shot, you get mugged, you get raped.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: You'll be saying, please, please, President, we don't want any more electricity.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: We can't stand it.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: They thought I was rambling.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not rambling.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: If you look at Martin Luther King and you look at the picture of his crowd, my crowd,
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: We actually had more people.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: White males way up.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: White males have gone through the roof.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: Millions and millions of people that happen to be taking black jobs.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: You want to see a bird cemetery?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Just go under a windmill.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: You see thousands of birds dead.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Eggs up 48%.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: I actually had a positive inflation.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_03: It was a perfect number.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: Cookies up 27%.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody was killed on January 6th.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: Look at what's going on.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: Butter up 31%.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_03: A tampon-selling machine.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_03: I don't speak badly about somebody's physical disability.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: But he's got the biggest stomach I have ever seen, I swear.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta get out and vote.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: In four years, you don't have to vote again.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: We'll have it fixed so good, you're not gonna have to vote.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: If I don't win, you will have a 1929-style depression.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Enjoy it.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I do the weave.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: You know what the weave is?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'll talk about, like, nine different things, and they all come back brilliantly together.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like... And friends of mine that are, like, English professors, they say...
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's the most brilliant thing I've ever seen.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: But the fake news, you know what they say?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: He rambled.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's not rambling.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: When you have,
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_03: what you do is you get off a subject to mention another little tidbit,
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: then you get back onto the subject,
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: and you go through this,
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: and you do it for two hours,
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: and you don't even mispronounce one word.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I do the weave.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Climbed aboard the dream weaver train
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Try to take away my worries of today and leave tomorrow behind.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I do the weave.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, dream weaver, I believe.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I do the weave.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_03: You take a look at bacon and some of these products and some people don't eat bacon anymore.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: And we are going to get the energy prices down when we get energy down.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know, this was caused by their horrible energy wind.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: They want wind all over the place.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: But when it doesn't blow, we have a little problem.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_03: Help me to forget today's pain.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: You know I do the weave.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: You know I do the weave.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: She destroyed the city of San Francisco.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I own a big building there.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's no, I shouldn't talk about this, but that's okay.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: I don't give a damn because this is what I'm doing.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: I should say it's the finest city in the world.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: Sell and get the hell out of there, right?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: But I can't do that.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: I lost billions of dollars.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: Somebody said, what do you think he lost?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: I said, probably two, three billion.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: That's okay.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know I do the weave You know I do the weave You know I do the weave
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I do the weed.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: They said, do you think you'd do it again?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: And that's the least of it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_03: They always say that, I don't know if you know, Lincoln was horribly treated.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: Jefferson was pretty horribly,
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_03: Andrew Jackson,
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_03: they say was the worst of all,
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: that he was treated worse than any other president.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I said, do that study again, because I think there's nobody close to Trump.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_03: I even got shot.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: And who the hell knows where that came from, right?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: It came from the assault rifle of a conservative Republican.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: Trump held a rally in Johnstown,
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_03: Pennsylvania this weekend,
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: where he took some time off to desecrate the English language.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_03: They are moving people into our country at numbers that nobody's ever seen.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: And those countries are becoming safe countries.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_03: And wait till you see what's going to happen.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_03: You know, they're just getting acclimated.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know what that means?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: No, I don't know what that means, because... because that's not a word.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: What do you think that means?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_03: They're getting used to a society that really goes too far.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, acclimated.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_03: I understand.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's when you get acclimated to Trump being demented.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's acclimated.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: They thought I was rambling.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not rambling.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_03: For a normal person, it would have taken a lifetime to say that many stupid things in public.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_03: Trump did it in two months.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: Congratulations to him.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: This is from an event over the weekend.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: There's a group called the Moms for Liberty.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: Our former president was there,
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: where he weighed in on the number one most important issue affecting America today.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: The transgender thing is incredible.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: Think of it.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: Your kid goes to school.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: and comes home a few days later with an operation.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_03: That's exactly how it works.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: I know a couple, very nice couple.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_03: They had three boys, Greg, Bobby, and Peter.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: One day they send them to school.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: A few nights later, they come home.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_03: Jan, Marcia, and Cindy, they're girls now.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: The school made the decision.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: Parents had no choice.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_03: The school decides what's going to happen with your child.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, many of these childs, 15 years later, say, what the hell happened?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: Who did this to me?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_03: They say, who did this to me?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: Good question.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I think we may need the chalkboard to figure this one out, Guillermo.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Bring it in if you would, because this is the quote from Donald Trump.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Now, the transgender thing is incredible.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Think of it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: Your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: The school decides what's going to happen with your child.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, many of these childs, 15 years later, say, what the hell happened?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: Who did this to me?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: They say, who did this to me?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know you're a great dad when you think children are called childs.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: And no one challenges any of this.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: The Moms for Liberty are like, the kids come home with operations?
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: This is outrageous.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: No one challenges anything he says.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: On Sunday,
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_03: Trump sat down for a lavish bootlicking from Mark Levin,
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: where I have to believe this one was hard for even Mark Levin to swallow.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: Now they have Kamala, who they say has many deficiencies, but she's a nasty person.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: The way she treated Mike Pence was horrible.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: Wait a minute.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: The way she treated Mike Pence was, you sent an army of toothless goons to hang him.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_03: And then sat back and watched it on TV.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_03: Mike Pence is probably voting for Kamala Harris, okay?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: One thing...
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: There are a lot of things Trump isn't good at.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_03: One of the things he's especially not good at is picking running mates.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: He made a huge mistake with this J.D.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: Vance,
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: who can't stop stepping in at every...
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: I tell you,
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: for a guy who wears more eyeliner than Liza Minnelli...
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: You'd think he'd have a better understanding of women.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_03: He looks like someone asked AI to make the 2 1⁄2 men one person.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: This super-charming and likable running mate got booed at a convention of union firefighters.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: President Trump and I are proud to be the most pro-worker Republican ticket in history,
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: and I want to talk about why we're fighting for working people,
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: why we're gonna fight for unions and non-union alike.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_03: Those firefighters were booing him like he just said the best toy for kids was a pack of matches.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't think it was possible to get yelled at by the Army and booed by
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_03: firefighters in the same week,
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: but these guys did it.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_03: And as he gets more desperate, Trump is also, well, he's just getting weirder.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_03: You deserve a president who respects you,
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: talks to you,
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: and who levels with you,
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: puts it right on the level,
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_03: and who always has your best interests and has your back.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_03: I have your back, I have your heart, and I have every other part of your body.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Part of your body.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: He sounds like a plane crash survivor calling dibs.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: Steve is dead, and we're gonna miss Steve.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: He was a great guy, Steve.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: And also, shotgun on his thigh meat.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: Somehow, Trump keeps getting more off-putting and more bizarre, and I didn't think that was possible.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: We've been talking about him on this show for nearly 10 years.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_03: This old-ass dude's talking about every part of the body,
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: like a grandpa that can't decide what piece of the turkey he wants at Thanksgiving,
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: and it's all,
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: well,
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: a lot of people like him,
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: so...
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: Seriously,
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: this guy,
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: who moves like a character in Grand Theft Auto,
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_03: trying to give you your next mission,
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: thrashing around like he just fell in the pool at a Labor Day barbecue.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: Even worse,
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: he's dancing at a Moms for Liberty event,
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: a group of censorious right-wing scolds that pushes book bans and shows up to
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: school boards screaming about woke textbooks and CRT.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: At the same event,
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: where Trump was dancing to YMCA.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_03: They had panels titled,
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: Moms Know Best,
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_03: Protecting Kids from Secret Gender Transitions in Schools,
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: and What Does It Mean to Abolish the Department of Education?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, for one thing, it means your kids won't learn to dance like a normal human being.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: You show up to your first college party dancing like this,
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_03: and everyone's going to assume you were homeschooled until you were 18 or you
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: smoked too much weed,
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: and now you think you're in the Matrix.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway,
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_03: the point I was trying to make before is that we've covered Trump for a long time,
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_03: but I feel like he's currently as incoherent and unglued as I've ever seen him.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, don't get me wrong.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_03: He was never glued.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: He's always been this way.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: He once claimed protesters were throwing cans of tuna fish,
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: that Democrats were sending mail-in ballots to dogs,
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_03: and that wheels are older than walls,
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_03: and he looked in the parking lot and all the cars have wheels and wheels work,
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: therefore walls work.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: Those are all...
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: actual things he's had.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: But I do think somehow, against all odds, he's getting stranger.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like he's doing his usual schtick, but he's just leaving out the transitions.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, he's just doing bullet points now.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: He sounds like a teen in a movie reading a college acceptance letter out loud.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: People say, how do you have the energy to do those wonderful dance moves?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: And my secret is a belly full of bacon.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: Trump still lies and spreads deranged conspiracy theories,
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_03: but now he's devolved even further beyond that.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: He's not even making sense anymore.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: He's unintelligible, even when he's not talking about wind or bacon.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: They thought I was rambling.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not rambling.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: Trump is desperate to get attention,
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: which he did last week,
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: by flagrantly violating the law at Arlington National Cemetery.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: That, no, I got to say, that cannot be the way his campaign folks wanted to change the narrative.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_03: Sir, we need to get you back in the spotlight.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_03: What about a crime?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_03: Any other ideas?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_03: We could do a crime.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: No, sir.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: Fine, let's visit a cemetery full of our nation's war heroes.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's a great idea.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: And commit a crime.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: Crimeity, crime, crime, crime.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_03: I like... I love the crime.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_03: I love crime.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_03: Here's what happened.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_03: Last Monday,
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_03: Trump visited Arlington,
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: ostensibly to pay his respects,
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: but he went to an area called Section 60,
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: where recent honored war debt are buried and where,
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: specifically,
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: federal law prohibits political campaign or election-related activities,
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_03: including photography,
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_03: despite it being illegal.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_03: TRUMP BROUGHT HIS CAMPAIGN PHOTOGRAPHER AND TRUMP'S SURROGATES SHARED THOSE ILLEGAL
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: PHOTOGRAPHS ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: IN TRUMP'S DEFENSE,
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: HE WAS RESPECTFUL IN THE ARLINGTON CEMETERY PICTURES,
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_03: OFFERING HIS MOST SOLEMN BIG OLD THUMBS UP.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: if that photo looks bad to you,
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_03: it gets worse,
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: because before the picture was taken,
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: according to the US Army,
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: a cemetery official tried to stop Trump's group from filming and photographing,
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: so Trump's campaign team verbally abused and pushed her.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_03: Pushing an Arlington cemetery worker is one of the least presidential things you can do.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: Tied with giving a bald eagle a wedgie at Gettysburg.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: The official filed an incident report with military authorities,
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: so Trump's campaign goons then went on the attack,
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: accusing her of having a mental health episode.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: She wasn't having a mental health episode.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_03: She was probably just terrified because she was in a cemetery and saw a walking corpse.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: Now...
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: Give me your brains.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: I love your delicious brains.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: In response to the incident,
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: the Army took the extremely rare step of officially rebuking the Trump campaign.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: An official rebuke?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: Some say that's better than the Medal of Honor.
• 19:42
  Wow.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: One of the highest rebukes you can get, apparently.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: Most people... Most people are only given a single buke.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: But I got rebuked.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: Says a lot.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: It says a lot.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Trump's campaign wouldn't leave bad enough alone.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: One of his top advisors retweeted the illegal cemetery footage with the caption,
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: reposting this,
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: hoping to trigger the hacks at Secretary of the Army.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, not sure you want to pick that fight.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: You and what army?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: So the fake news media,
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_03: no,
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: no,
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: excuse me,
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: the fake news media has never been faker ever,
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: and that's saying something.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: They can't stop running with this Applebee's National Cemetery story,
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: saying our dishonored families and soldiers.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody likes our soldiers better than me.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody does more for veterans than me.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: But when I went to the cemetery, okay, I was with this family, and they begged me.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_03: This family begged me, you know, and they seemed upset.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know why.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_03: Somebody said it was because they lost a family member, and I guess that's why we were in the cemetery.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: Who knows?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: Who knows?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: But I went.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_03: I went to be nice, okay, because I respect our veterans and their families, by the way.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: The families didn't go anywhere, but I still respect them.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: Okay?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody gives.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_03: It'd be nice to get credit for that once.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: Look, he's nice to the dead veterans and to their families, and he doesn't have to do that.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: But we're there, and they say, Sir, would you take a picture?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: And so I took a picture, and people say, Put your thumbs up.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: Because I just made a joke.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_03: Because they say laughter is the best medicine.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: Okay?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: This is not something Fauci would say.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_03: Obviously, he doesn't know real medicine.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: But they said that, so I made a joke.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: and I give a thumbs up.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: and smiled because, you know, they say cheese, even in Applebee's Cemetery.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: And everybody was happy.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody was happy.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_03: And then all of a sudden they say they're not.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: They say they're not.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: And this is why I need to know.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: We've decided to designate a new class of military family.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: Gold star families are very nice, but some of them are nasty as hell.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: And don't respect me.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: So we've elevated.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: Now there's a platinum
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: star family which is for families of lost troops who love me so you can be a gold
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: star family and maybe nasty or you can become a platinum star family for only 99 at
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: trump.com we will designate your family if you're nice as a platinum star family
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: which is a lot better than some of these nasty gold star families so
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: That's all I have to say on that.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_03: That's the truth, social.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't want to talk, no, no, excuse me, shut up.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're not talking about it anymore.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's a fake story that you have been doing.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's one thing for a sitting president or even a candidate to go on an official visit.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: to sit to go, not to take pictures, to honor the fallen who have died for this country.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: It is like the last vestige of nonpartisanship that we have to hold in this country,
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_03: and we have to hold it in a very kind of religious way almost.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: People that gave everything.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: to go there to have one of his staff members push a worker who probably was pretty
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_03: angry because she saw what was happening,
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: which is these people that she's been committed probably her life to honoring.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: He's going to go there and make a mockery of it.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: And he went in and turned it into a campaign of it.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: Got his picture.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_03: He smiled with his thumbs up, for God's sakes.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so what you can do is now if you politicize Arlington National Cemetery,
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: everybody running for Congress,
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: everybody running for the Senate is gonna have to go there and get their picture
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_03: taken at Arlington to show that they're a good,
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: solid American.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: You cannot politicize
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_03: fallen American soldiers come hell or high water.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_03: That is a red line you can't cross.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: He crossed it happily,
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: and he's defending himself,
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: and not just defending himself,
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_03: going after the worker that one of his people shoved.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_03: And that is just so beneath the presidency.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like...
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Donald Trump claims to be pro-military.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: He's so supportive of the military, all this nonsense.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_03: People forget that this is a draft dodger.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_03: This is a guy who got a medical exemption through his father's connections,
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: saying that his feet were too bad to serve while he was playing on the basketball
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_03: team at his school.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_03: And that just seems to mean nothing to any of his supporters.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: No, and not to mention what he said about McCain, not to mention the suckers and losers comments.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's literally every week he says something.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: And if you get into his head for one moment,
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: you just have to say,
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: this is a guy that literally cannot fathom
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_03: cannot fathom what it means to do something bigger than yourself or to do something
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: for anybody but yourself.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: So he does think they're suckers and losers,
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_03: because to him,
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: why give your life if it's not going to benefit you?
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: Watch your saps.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_03: Why are they saps?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: They're saps because they risk their lives for strangers.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: They risk their lives for their country?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: Your country ain't your blood.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: You remember that.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: We're exactly nine weeks from Election Day, and things are looking up for Kamala Harris.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_03: In the latest USA Today,
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: Suffolk University Nerds Gummy Clusters poll,
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_03: nationally,
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_03: Harris leads Trump 48% to 43%.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: That's good.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: That's good.
• 25:28
  40... 48%.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: That really restores my faith in almost half of humanity.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: Harris is particularly popular with women,
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_03: while Trump is ahead among men,
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_03: leading some to call this the boys versus girls election.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_03: And remember, many Trump voters are not vaccinated against cooties.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_03: Circle.cootieshop.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_03: Now,
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: just because she leads nationally doesn't mean Harris has got this one in the bag,
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_03: thanks to the electoral college.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's a flawed system.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_03: The founding fathers in slavery.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_03: And because of the electoral college, the election could come down to just seven states.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yes,
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_03: it's going to come down to Michigan,
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: Wisconsin,
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_03: denial,
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_03: anger,
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_03: bargaining,
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: depression,
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: and acceptance.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_03: Now, polls out there in the battleground states are even closer than they are nationally.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_03: One reporter describes the seven-state race as the equivalent of a knife fight in a phone booth.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_03: A knife fight in a phone booth is notoriously difficult because it involves close quarters.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_03: Donald Trump says he had every right to interfere in the 2020 election.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: The 2024 GOP presidential nominee made the stunning statement during an interview
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_03: that aired Sunday night on Fox News,
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_03: while claiming that the dozens of criminal charges he faces connected to the
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: indictments actually helped boost his poll numbers.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: Whoever heard you get indicted for interfering with...
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_03: a presidential election where you have every right to do it,
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: you get indicted and your poll numbers go up.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: When people get indicted, your poll numbers go down.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_03: But it was such, it's such nonsense.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_03: The Harris-Walls campaign issued a statement on Trump's claim.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_03: Everything Donald Trump has promised on the campaign trail,
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: from terminating the Constitution to imprisoning his political opponents and
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_03: promising to rule as a dictator on day one,
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_03: makes it clear that he believes he is above the law.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_03: Now, Trump is claiming he had every right to interfere in the 2020 election.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_03: He did not.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_03: I became president.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_03: Then the second time, I got millions more votes than I got the first time.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_03: I was told if I got 63 million, which is what I got the first time, you would win.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: You can't not win.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I got millions more votes than that, and...
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_03: Lost by a whisker.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_03: He admitted it.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_03: He admitted it on camera for everyone to see.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_03: Once again, what did you do?
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_03: Lost by a whisker.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, okay.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_03: So, in other words, you did... Not win.