Latest / Cry It Out Loud: Navigating Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Loss & Pregnancy After Loss / Understanding Recurrent Pregnancy Loss, Infertility, and Hope: A Conversation with Dr. Melanie Ochalski of Shady Grove Fertility
Transcript
- 0:13Crying out loud a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your.
- 0:20Host. Bernice Quisenberry.
- 0:27Welcome back to Cried Out Loud, the podcast where no story is
- 0:30too heavy, no grief too small, and where every family
- 0:34navigating infertility, pregnancy, or infant loss has a
- 0:36voice. Today, we're honored to welcome
- 0:38a guest to Work literally changes lives, helping families
- 0:42who long for a child find answers, support, and hope.
- 0:45Doctor Melanie Ohowski is a board certified reproductive end
- 0:49chronologist at Shady Grove Fertility.
- 0:52She has decades of experience treating infertility,
- 0:55reoccurring pregnancy loss, and ovulatory disorders.
- 0:58Doctor O has published numerous peer reviewed scientific
- 1:02manuscripts, received multiple teaching awards, and is
- 1:05dedicated to combining medical expertise with compassionate
- 1:09care. In today's episode, we're going
- 1:11to explore infertility as a medical condition, debunk those
- 1:14myths that can unintentionally harm patients, and provide
- 1:18guidance on the questions everyone asks, from home
- 1:21ovulation kits to when to seek professional help.
- 1:25This episode is for anyone who has ever felt frustrated,
- 1:27confused, or alone on their own fertility journey.
- 1:31Doctor O, thank you so much for joining us today.
- 1:34It is an honor and thank you for reaching so many patients and
- 1:39being a beacon of hope and light when sometimes it feels like
- 1:44everything seems dark. So truly, thank you.
- 1:47Oh, thanks, Doctor O That means the world.
- 1:49And it's such an honor to have you here and to connect you, we
- 1:52know, with our listeners. And I would love for you, you
- 1:55know, to start from the beginning, you know, what got
- 1:58you into this field and what you do, you know, for your patients.
- 2:03Yeah, I initially was interested in the field because of the
- 2:09science behind it. Human reproduction is so cool.
- 2:14I mean, just female reproduction and the ovary, how this small
- 2:19little nugget has millions of eggs and effects our hormones
- 2:25that affect so many other aspects of female health.
- 2:29I mean, it's incredible. So I went into the field very
- 2:32interested in the science of it and the research.
- 2:37I performed some early research on preventing chemotherapy from
- 2:43affecting women's fertility in the future, but very quickly I
- 2:49realized what an amazing patient population the women who sought
- 2:55my care were. And so it started to feel like I
- 2:59was helping a friend rather than really like the medical part of
- 3:05it came second. And the impact of listening and
- 3:11being part of such an important journey really is the number one
- 3:15reason why I'm still doing this 20 years later.
- 3:18And I feel really blessed and honored that patients trust me
- 3:24with their care. And I think I'm so inspired by
- 3:29patients. So that was that's my journey.
- 3:32Yeah. Oh, that's so beautiful.
- 3:34And it's true. You know, when someone comes to
- 3:37you like their future and, you know, their family, planning is
- 3:40really in your hands with them as a partner and a true partner,
- 3:43you know, walking alongside them in this journey.
- 3:46So that just, you know, means the world to have that kind of
- 3:48compassionate level of care of someone who treats it so gently.
- 3:53It really is a relationship because when I'm first meeting a
- 3:57patient, I don't know if I'm going to know them for a month
- 4:00because they'll be very quickly successful, or if it's going to
- 4:05be a year or two because it's it's it's unpredictable.
- 4:10But I think knowing that they're not alone and that we're in it
- 4:14together till the end is is really an important part of the
- 4:19equation. Absolutely.
- 4:21It really is and you know, another part of that is really
- 4:24educating others on, you know, infertility and and not being as
- 4:29easy as go take a vacation or just relax and it'll happen, you
- 4:33know, and that this is a true medical condition.
- 4:36I think understanding that too. And the earlier that I know
- 4:39we're talking pre show, you know, it's that early detection
- 4:43or you know, doing deeper. I would love to hear your
- 4:45opinion about that. Yeah, I think that in the US
- 4:50there's so much emphasis on preventing pregnancy when it's
- 4:53unwanted and we don't do enough education about how our
- 4:59fertility is time sensitive, especially women's fertility,
- 5:04and that we're most fertile in our early 20s.
- 5:08And, and I think that's, I think that's really important.
- 5:12And I, it's a take home message. I try to emphasize anyone that
- 5:17will listen. So my poor nieces in college
- 5:20have heard me say this very often.
- 5:25But I, I do think it's, it's, it's important, especially for
- 5:30women who are embarking on careers that may delay their
- 5:35fertility, knowing their, knowing their options and having
- 5:40a, a strategy is, is important. But one of my talk talking about
- 5:47kind of myths or, or things that are, are, are said, one of my
- 5:52pet peeves is that, you know, like, you just have to relax.
- 5:57It's if you're just too stressed.
- 5:59And when I think about it, like when would you ever go to a
- 6:03doctor and you know, you're diagnosed with strep throat and
- 6:06the doctor says, oh, you're stressed, you just got to relax.
- 6:09That'll do it. I mean, factor ability is a
- 6:12medical condition and it's no one's fault.
- 6:16And I, I, I completely understand that we don't want to
- 6:22medicalize something that should be natural too early, but it's
- 6:26really not about medicalizing anything.
- 6:28It's about picking up cues that can help a, a patient or a
- 6:34couple be successful and kind of streamline their journey.
- 6:39So whenever I hear someone say like, you just need a glass of
- 6:42wine or you just need to go away it, it makes me sad because it
- 6:48does a disservice. And it also kind of points the
- 6:51finger and puts the blame on the person, like they're doing
- 6:55something wrong, yes. It's very dismissive and also,
- 7:00you know, telling someone that then they're trying for let's
- 7:03say 3 or 4 years and they're not, and then they finally get
- 7:05back. Well, that might put them in
- 7:06their 30s then, you know, or, or whatever timeline that is
- 7:09because they felt like, oh, like, I just need to do this.
- 7:12Because as you know, time flies by and like when you're tracking
- 7:15all of that and it's like, or not knowing what to do and it is
- 7:19dismissive like that, you're, you then get in your own head.
- 7:21Am I just coming up with this? But as women, we know our bodies
- 7:24so well from a young age and, you know, know that.
- 7:27So we, if we feel like something's off or something
- 7:30isn't happening, it probably is, you know, just better to get.
- 7:33Looked at, I think women's intuition is very powerful and
- 7:39one of the, one of the points I always try to emphasize when I'm
- 7:42talking with a couple is here's, I'll give them my
- 7:45recommendations and then I'll say whatever you decide to do,
- 7:49you'll take this at your pace. However, put time limits, time
- 7:54stamps on it because it is so common that a year, 2 years goes
- 8:00by and we're still at the same point.
- 8:03We haven't made any progress. So if you put time points like
- 8:06OK, if next by 4th of July or by this date, if we haven't seen a
- 8:12difference, then we're going to execute on part of this plan
- 8:16because time goes by so fast. And unfortunately it is a really
- 8:21important factor when it comes to how successful we we are.
- 8:27Yeah, absolutely. And I love the time stamping
- 8:30because it almost feels like that's what you need to keep.
- 8:33And also, it kind of gives you hope and goals, so it doesn't
- 8:36feel as daunting as it can be when you're in the midst of it.
- 8:39Yeah, I, I, I think the only way to survive this is to think
- 8:44about the end goal. Like if you're thinking about,
- 8:47oh, I got to take this pill or I got to do this test, who would
- 8:50ever want to do that? But if, if you think, OK, this
- 8:53time next year, I want to have been successful, like that's the
- 8:57goal. And then that gets you up every
- 8:59morning and, and moving on. It's that hope for that.
- 9:03Absolutely, yeah. And I think it's so important to
- 9:06remember this isn't our fault and you know, anything, it's,
- 9:10you know, just evidence based medicine.
- 9:13It's so important, you know, running tests or doing more and
- 9:16would love to hear, you know, what you do with your patients
- 9:18doctor when they come to you, what that kind of looks like.
- 9:22Yeah, I, I'm so glad you said it's, it's not your fault
- 9:26because I think a lot of people, their brain knows that, but
- 9:30their heart feels like what, what, what am I doing or not
- 9:34doing? And when someone has been trying
- 9:41to get pregnant and hasn't been successful, and then they end up
- 9:46in my office, I think there's a little, they're grieving the
- 9:51fact that it hasn't been easy and everyone around them, you
- 9:55know, has an oopsie and, and you know, there's, that's a loss to,
- 10:00to know that that there, there's possibly some tests or some
- 10:05treatment needed. So I think just acknowledging
- 10:08that that that's normal and it's, it's not fair, but you
- 10:12know, we're going to get through it and, and we're going to get
- 10:15there. And so typically when a patient
- 10:21has been trying for 12 months or longer, we recommend an
- 10:26evaluation. And it's not as though at 12
- 10:29months something breaks and and it's all downhill after that.
- 10:34It's simply that at the 12 month mark, it is worth investigating
- 10:39some clues that can help identify what what might be
- 10:43helpful for the patient. And sometimes we would like to
- 10:49see a patient sooner. If there are some known issues
- 10:54that can affect fertility like PCOS or endometriosis or a known
- 10:59male issue, then no reason to delay, no reason to wait till
- 11:04that 12 month mark. Let's see you sooner.
- 11:07And then I think age of the female partner is really
- 11:10important. So 35 or older, we say give it
- 11:15six months and then let's just talk about maybe doing some
- 11:18tests. And then at 40, we say let's
- 11:22come in as soon as you're ready. No reason to delay just in case
- 11:25there's something a little off. Let's try to optimize it while
- 11:29time is still on our side. Absolutely.
- 11:32And I think you're, you know, that's so beautiful that you're
- 11:34recognizing to the innocence of the pregnancy kind of being
- 11:37taken from this couple. Not just like getting deprived
- 11:40of that, like, oh, I get to surprise my husband with a
- 11:43pregnancy announcement because I got to take a test and him not
- 11:45know about it, you know, or just unplanned and just like
- 11:50sporadically, like we're pregnant.
- 11:51Yeah. Like that, you know, isn't the
- 11:53case. And it, and it can, it's so
- 11:55heartbreaking in those moments because everything then does
- 11:59feel like it is planned out and it's not that, you know, and
- 12:02then we also are aware of complications and risks and HCG
- 12:07levels and all of these different things that the
- 12:09normal, you know, person who's getting pregnancy unexpectedly,
- 12:13you know, isn't experiencing like we are, you know, in this
- 12:16population. Yeah, I can, I, I will share
- 12:21with you that I, I having gone through a miscarriage, it is
- 12:25true that when you are mourning that loss, everyone around you
- 12:29has a big belly and is there's baby announcements everywhere.
- 12:33And it's like, seriously, is this, it's constant reminders
- 12:38and it can feel really isolating.
- 12:41So. Yeah.
- 12:43Especially around the holidays, I feel like, you know, I'm
- 12:46seeing again and again. But yeah, maybe it's just the
- 12:49season and reason we're in, but it's like, here is, you know,
- 12:52this person getting pregnant, Everybody wants to announce them
- 12:54around the holidays. It just feels almost like, like,
- 12:57when is it our turn, right? When's it gonna happen?
- 13:00Yeah, the the holidays can be particularly tough.
- 13:06Yes, that's a one thing that you mentioned reminded me that when
- 13:15a couple is successful having gone through an infertility
- 13:20diagnosis and possibly treatment, there are ways of
- 13:24still holding on to some of the like spontaneity and excitement
- 13:29that that we see patients who may not have had that same
- 13:34struggle have. So, for example, calling with a
- 13:38positive pregnancy test when both partners can listen in or
- 13:43like doing, still doing gender reveals, even if it was an IVF
- 13:47genetically tested pregnancy, we still like can put the, the
- 13:52gender on a on in a sealed envelope.
- 13:55And, and, and I think those little things really can make a
- 14:00difference. And, and it really, I mean, it's
- 14:03even more meaningful when it's been a little more difficult to
- 14:07to get to. Absolutely.
- 14:09But it's our favorite thing is when we get the gender reveal
- 14:13videos or like we hear the stories and it's such a what a
- 14:18celebration. Oh, Doctor.
- 14:20Oh. And that's so great that, you
- 14:21know, still. Yeah.
- 14:22Like finding those celebratory moments, especially in the midst
- 14:26of all of it, is so important. Oh, that's so beautiful.
- 14:30Yeah, oh, so yeah, you know, going from doing like at home
- 14:37ovulation kits, how, you know, reliable?
- 14:39Are they like in any of the testing at home?
- 14:43I have to admit, I was guilty of buying different teas, lozenges.
- 14:49I mean, you know, we got to the point of like progesterone and
- 14:52corrective surgeries, but what's interesting is, you know, it,
- 14:56it's not as easy, you know, like just you read all these things
- 14:59and you just can't help it. Like I will try anything to try
- 15:02to get pregnant at that point, so.
- 15:04Oh, yeah. And I think nowadays more than
- 15:07ever, when there's so much information available to
- 15:11patients and there is a movement and I think it's a good movement
- 15:15to think about holistic remedies and making sure that we're we're
- 15:21as optimal, like we're as healthy as possible.
- 15:24And so it's very common when patients come to see me that
- 15:28they've already like tried out different supplements and how
- 15:31are using home devices. And I think that can be helpful,
- 15:38but I always caution to like continually evaluate whether
- 15:43those things are serving you and at any point that you're like
- 15:48starting to hate on the, the kit or the the wearable device, then
- 15:53that's just that the stress that that's causing isn't worth it.
- 15:58Like when I, when I see patients coming in having done some of
- 16:03their home initial evaluation, very often they're either using
- 16:07ovulation kits, which are the urine kits that can predict
- 16:11ovulation, basal body temping. And and then like more recently,
- 16:18the wearable devices that, that can tracks your cycles and then
- 16:22start to give predictions on your, your fertile window and
- 16:26when to expect your cycle. And so I think the merits of
- 16:31those things are that number one, they help you have insight
- 16:35into your body. And you know, up until these
- 16:39things existed, we were going off of symptoms like breast
- 16:43tenderness or cervical mucus and and now these these products can
- 16:48give you a little more objective data.
- 16:50So that's good. And I think it also helps a
- 16:55situation that feels so out of control, like, you know, if
- 17:01you're, if you're someone who you work hard, you set a goal
- 17:05and then you you get it. And now suddenly you're doing
- 17:08all the right things and this is not happening.
- 17:10Sometimes the devices and the products can help you feel like,
- 17:14I'll let like you're taking back the reins a little bit.
- 17:17The, the thing to caution listeners about are that any
- 17:22test, especially some of these at home tests are not always
- 17:26reliable. So you always want to take it
- 17:27with a grain of salt. And I they can be influenced by
- 17:35other things going on in your life.
- 17:37So like particularly the basal body temping and the, the
- 17:41wearables, those algorithms can be affected if you were sick or
- 17:47you were super stressed or didn't get a good night's sleep.
- 17:50And so you just want to like not let that be the end all be all.
- 17:56But I, I think it can be helpful.
- 17:58But when someone's coming in and I can tell like it's stressing
- 18:01them out, I say just like, let's, let's put that aside
- 18:05because right now it's this daily reminder about you needing
- 18:10to do it and it hasn't happened yet.
- 18:12Why hasn't happened yet. And it, it's, it's not worth it.
- 18:18Ovulation kits can be helpful when like couples are apart and
- 18:23they need to time things a little bit better.
- 18:27I think of the ovulation kits as like your turn signal, it's
- 18:32going to tell you what you're about to do, whereas basal body
- 18:35temping is your rear view mirror to say, oh, Yep, I did ovulate.
- 18:40So can be helpful, but you know, keep it.
- 18:44I I think keeping the perspective that it's not, you
- 18:47know, you don't have to do it. No, no fertility Dr. will say
- 18:51what you're not doing this already that because it's.
- 18:58Yeah. Oh, I know, I know, I as you're
- 19:01talking, doctor, I was like I was guilty of that, you know,
- 19:03doing all of the charts, checking everything daily, you
- 19:06know, especially first thing in the morning and like tracking it
- 19:10all and it was almost obsessive. It takes away from even the joy
- 19:14of the journey or any part of it, right?
- 19:17And it just makes it almost like AI mean loving the control over
- 19:20a feeling like you know, I have a sense of control over it.
- 19:23But then it is, it can be and I know you know it.
- 19:27It almost felt like a job after a while.
- 19:30Yeah, and I think there's many reasons why intimacy can be
- 19:34affected during the fertility journey.
- 19:36But it when when you're looking at your your kit or your chart
- 19:42and then you're saying, come on, honey, we need, we need to be
- 19:44intimate today. That kind of takes some of the
- 19:47excitement out of it also. But you get to that point like,
- 19:52you know, like you try the easy way and that doesn't work.
- 19:55So you want to do something different.
- 19:57And I think that's that's fine, but not for a year's worth.
- 20:03And I would say the same thing about supplements.
- 20:05So there's so much out there. It's overwhelming for me as a a
- 20:10doctor to vet what products are needed or helpful.
- 20:15So I could only imagine how overwhelming it is when you're
- 20:19the patient trying to navigate these supplements and and
- 20:23devices. But when someone comes to see me
- 20:28and they ask my advice about supplements, as long as it's not
- 20:32harmful, I'll say that's fine if you want to give it a try.
- 20:37But if you've given it 3-6 months and it really hasn't made
- 20:40a difference then probably not necessary.
- 20:45And also seeing how it makes you feel.
- 20:48Some supplements can cause side effects and not worth toughing
- 20:52it out if if that's the case. No.
- 20:56And it and get expensive. I mean, all of these products
- 20:59will be really, really expensive.
- 21:03So, you know, I think it's great that people, patients are
- 21:08empowered to try, like to do their research and try these
- 21:11things. And I always welcome patients to
- 21:15share with me what they're doing so that I can give my $0.02 on a
- 21:20supplement or a product. But most of the time, if it's
- 21:23making you healthier, that's a good thing.
- 21:29I caution patients, my, my male and female patients to avoid the
- 21:35supplements or products that claim to like enhance your
- 21:40vitality or like that that's more of a, a, a men's supplement
- 21:45thing. But it what if they're claiming
- 21:48that it's increasing your libido or increasing your, your
- 21:52vitality? I, it makes me wonder, is there
- 21:55a plant based type of male hormone in there that actually
- 21:58can be working against us? And then for female patients,
- 22:03any supplement that claims to regulate your cycle, I would, I
- 22:10would caution because birth control regulates your cycle
- 22:13because it totally takes over. So you just, you know, sometimes
- 22:18in an effort to try to make everything perfect, we can, you
- 22:22know, do a little, you know, more harm than good.
- 22:25But that's why you're never meant to do it alone.
- 22:28Like there is, there are people out there who can, can help you.
- 22:31So always I think remembering that is important.
- 22:35Yes, and I think too like understanding when is it
- 22:38important to make the change over from a clinician, you know,
- 22:43AGP or OBGYNII know we get this a lot, you know, in support
- 22:48groups or different support services.
- 22:49We have infertility loss parents coming to us and you know, they
- 22:54go to their doctor. It's kind of, you know,
- 22:56dismissed, like we said about, you know, go home, relax kind of
- 22:59thing or not doing further testing or they had ADNC or a
- 23:03procedure from, you know, a pregnancy loss or, you know,
- 23:08have experienced endometriosis and PCOS.
- 23:10And maybe, you know, it's something that a surgery can go
- 23:13in. And I mean, I needed that.
- 23:17And you know when you would seek an RE doc to talk through all of
- 23:21these different things compared to staying with an OBGYN or
- 23:26feeling like your answers aren't being heard by a clinician?
- 23:29That's a great question. I think it's never wrong to
- 23:33start with your GYN or your PCP and share your your your current
- 23:39situation and get their advice. But if you feel as though
- 23:44there's kind of this like stall out and not much is happening,
- 23:50anyone can self refer to an RE I I would say at least at Shady
- 23:54Grove. I would, you know, at my
- 23:56practice, anyone can self refer and I it's not unusual.
- 24:00I have someone who hasn't been trying, you know, probably
- 24:04doesn't need to be here, but she needs to be here.
- 24:06If she needs to hear from me that everything sounds OK and we
- 24:10can do these tests to reassure you.
- 24:12But like that, that's OK. That's I, I think there's,
- 24:19that's why we're here to, to, you know, hopefully reassure
- 24:22patients. But if something is up, the
- 24:26sooner we know the better, right?
- 24:29We're just trying to come up with putting clues together and
- 24:32coming up with a road map. So I would say if, if, if ever
- 24:36someone is feeling like they need just a little bit more
- 24:41evaluation or listening to then then that either ask for a
- 24:46referral or just self refer. And I will also say that your
- 24:53intuition, whether you are a male or female, your intuition
- 24:59is important. And so if you, if your primary
- 25:03or your gynecology says now you're fine, you know, you're
- 25:06young, you're healthy, relax and that doesn't sit well with you,
- 25:10then, then, then. Seek.
- 25:13The expert care because no one knows you as well as you know
- 25:18you and and so. Absolutely, Doctor.
- 25:22Oh, no, that's fantastic. You know, if someone is
- 25:26listening today, you know takeaways, you know from our
- 25:30conversation, what would be the main ones that you would like
- 25:34them to take away? You're not alone.
- 25:39It feels like you may be the only one going through this, but
- 25:45that's not true. There are resources and people
- 25:50around to help you. And I really do believe there's
- 25:56a light at the end of every tunnel.
- 25:58And sometimes the tunnel's longer than we think or there's
- 26:03a little more, you know, scary parts of that journey.
- 26:07But I think that that getting to that that end of that tunnel is
- 26:13so amazing. And so like keeping your sights
- 26:15on that is, I think, the only way we all get through it.
- 26:21Yes. Oh, doctor, that was so
- 26:23beautiful. Thank you.
- 26:26It it just means so much. Thank you for sharing your
- 26:28expertise with such heart and clarity today.
- 26:31It means the world to have you here.
- 26:33It's I thank you for having me and for everything you do.
- 26:37Thanks Doctor. Oh yeah, For anyone listening,
- 26:40remember that infertility is not your fault, your questions are
- 26:43valid and seeking help is a sign of strength.
- 26:46If you need support, guidance, or simply a community that
- 26:48understands, Chasing the Rainbows offers a bunch of
- 26:51different daily support services and we're here for you to walk
- 26:54alongside navigate this journey with you.
- 26:56Until next time, be gentle with yourself and remember that hope
- 26:59is always possible. Thank you again, Doctor O.
- 27:02Thank you.