Latest / Afzal's Reset Entropy Podcast / Why You React the Way You Do in Business — The Three Formation Windows

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Why You React the Way You Do in Business — The Three Formation Windows · Afzal's Reset Entropy Podcast

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to go somewhere.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Most business conversation never go.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not because it is too personal or anything, but because most people do not realize it is relevant to their business.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Every reactive decisions you have made in your business, every pattern that keeps repeating, every loop that fires before your logic can catch up.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Every self-sabotaging move you made while watching yourself make it.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: None of it started in your business.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: None of it started in your career.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: All of it was formed in one of the three specific windows of your time.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Before you were 21, before you had a company, before you even knew what an entrepreneur was.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And until you see where it actually came from, you will keep repeating the symptom while the source runs untouched underneath.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let me walk through each one with specific example so you can understand it in much more deeper way.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's call it window one, which is age one to seven.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can call it the imprint phase.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is the most formative and the most invisible.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system in this phase is completely open.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: No filter, no adult resonating to contextualizing what is happening.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: You're just being present, going, drifting, understanding, realizing everything is new to you.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you are like a you can say liquid who is taking the shape of the vessel.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Everything lands directly as absolute truth to you.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: A parent who is emotionally inconsistent, even occasionally, creates a charge around unpredictability.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in all of this, a child who is praised, let's say specifically and exclusively for being helpful, creates a charge around usefulness.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Equally loving, fast forward that to now, the founder cannot say no to a client request even when it derys their entire week.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they are pushover, because their system learned in window that being useful is the only safe way to be valued.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And many times you know we have as a child would have this reward-based love, reward-based attribute given to us.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you do this, you'll get this, if you score this, you'll get this, and as and when when we grow up, that becomes a benchmark subconsciously in our head and starts governing so many things that we don't even realize that is affecting in our day-to-day decision-making lifestyle.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for example, a child who grew up in a household where financial stress was constant and unspoken, let's say it creates a charge around money being dangerous.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Fast forward that founder underprices, avoids talking about money with clients, feels physically uncomfortable during sales conversation.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was one of this person as well.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I hated sales.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I do I still hate sales.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I I the there is a big chunk part of me that tries to avoid sales subconsciously, and you know I was I try to overcome it, it takes time, but that is how it was reframed in back of my mind that with money comes issues, and with issues it's all the negative spirals, and I didn't know this.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know why I hated sales, I just hated it.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know why I don't like to sell it.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: But what I learned is sales is not about selling only, it's about offering a product to someone who's who you can actually help, who this product is actually for.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: It shouldn't it is not necessarily be a pushover.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: There are many aspects to it, but in my head sales was always selling and money and all that, and that is why I hated it for a long long time and this same founders who are talked about that the underprise avoid talking about money feel physically uncomfortable during the sales conversation, and it was nothing related to the confidence either, it's just that charge of money is killing them.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let me talk about window number two, that is age 7 to 14.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: The social formation phase.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is where comparison starts entering.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: School, friendships, peer groups.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: You start measuring yourself against others for the first time.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You do it when you are younger also, but not at the scale when it happened compared to this one, and the charge formed here are almost always about belonging and worth.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Who posts content and spends the next two hours watching for likes because their nervous system is still waiting to find out if they are accepted, if they have gotten the enough views, if they have gotten enough comments on the section, because without the number game or without some form of a feedback validation feedback, they can't agree to them and their own product to themselves, they start questioning everything if they don't see what they are looking for, and may it depends and varies from level to well level to level, but it goes at such high level that you know they try to start something, and like five days, ten days, they are already questioning it totally.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you an example of a child who discovers in this window that academic achievement makes adults notice them, develops an achievement loop.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Fast forward, the achiever entrepreneur who cannot stop chasing the next next milestone over there because the moment they stop producing, the feeling of being unseen from window comes rushing back.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't achievable good you know the chasing the next milestones getting what it needed?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But in the overall grand scheme it is not apparently when you're operating from such loops you don't know what exactly are you looking for, what exactly is that you want.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: There's always that emptiness inside you that can only be understood if you understand these loops, if you understand that why you're operating from this place and if you come out of it, then the true nature essence of yourself that is where the true identity, true goal, true you is present.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine this too window number three, let's say the fourteenth through twenty-one, the identity construction phase that is one of the main phases of this.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you consciously and unconsciously build persona you will present to everyone to the world out there, and the charge formed here are usually about the gap between who you are and who you decided to perform.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: The teenager who learned that vulnerability gets punished, mocked, dismissed, used against them, becomes a founder who cannot show doubt in front of their own team, not because they are arrogant, because window 3 taught them that being seen struggling is dangerous, and this is another form of an issue.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So if you don't let's say you don't show it, then how your team will understand that what needs to be done, this will be building inside you, only you would know it, but that genuineness is the key away at times.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: The missing element is that genuineness.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: If you're operating from this particular loop, you will be internally frustrated because you won't get an output which only you know about why you're not able to get it, and your team will be running around without having much knowledge on where they are going wrong, and you there will be a disparity between your goal, your vision, their goal, their vision, and the alignment is all over the place.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So now take another example of a younger person who found that a specific personality got them included.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: The funny one, the reliable one, the smart one, the tough one, build their entire identity around that role.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Fast forward, they are still playing the role in every business meeting, every client call, every piece of content, and it's exhausting because it was always a performance, not the person.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: If that person's genuine personality, genuineness is around that, it would make sense, but when it's a performance, it becomes a shit show to be honest, because it is so difficult, it is so difficult for that person, it is so difficult for everyone.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: People will come, people will go.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: But if such a big mask is present in front, who is there for you when that mask is not there?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when you feel like showing your true side, you're so vulnerable and so scared to show it to anyone.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And especially at the time when you really need to show that, it becomes really difficult.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: And in that zone, you know, you need a helping hand, but you cannot find one.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel bad about that.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I genuinely feel so bad that the loop made you operate from that scenario.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: A little bit of hug, to be honest, at someone like that is what I feel like giving to them.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what is more important is for them for each and every one of us to understand if we are operating from a loop, a particular loop, a pattern, we have to decode it.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: But here is why it is so hard to decode.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: These changes do not feel like patterns from childhood, they feel like personality, which I agree to.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: You will feel like it's like a personality because that is how you have brought from.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not anyone's fault.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: The micromanager does not think I am reacting to a window one charge around unpredictability.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: They think I just have high standard, this is who I am.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: The approval seeking founder does not think.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Think I am replaying window two charge around belonging.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: They think I just care about what my audience thinks.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: It is normal.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: The founder who cannot show vulnerability does not think I am protecting a window three charge around being seen a we seen as weak.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: They think I just maintain professionalism that is appropriate.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: The charge has been there so long that it has been absorbed into the identity, and it does not feel like a pattern, it feels like a fact about who you are, and this is the most important distinction in all the work I do.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: There is a difference between your personality and your pattern.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: The personality is genuinely yours, and you know what is yours and what is not because when such thing happens, it becomes a task to put up a non-genuine one to genuine one, it becomes it, it is an energy consuming task.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: You feel drained after doing it, and you can feel it instinctly, even if you close your eyes for 10 seconds and just question few things which is there in your head, just listening to this, you would know it.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your pattern is a charge that formed under pressure and got mistakenly for personality because it has been running for so long.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: I had so many of my I was one of the person who would just keep quiet and just wouldn't say anything because I thought that I was the superior one and all that nonsense, plus internally I was just shy, so I made one belief system around it, I made another personality around it to cover it up.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: On top of that, I made something or the other around it to whole of that structure just to make sure I don't have to talk to anyone.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: The extent of our brain and ourselves goes to unlimited ends as long as it needs to protect you, and these are kind of a protecting zone that was always created layer on layer on layer on layer, but they are good for that particular time, they are not good anymore.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: They may be helping you right now to get away from the situations, but they are still not you your genuine soul, your consciousness is the ultimate you have to reach.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: When you see the distinction, when you can look at a reaction and say that is not me.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: That is a charge from a window one or window two or window three, everything changes, not because the charge disappears, because you are no longer identity identified with it, and this identification is the beginning of the freedom from it.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Completing an emotional charge is not the same as understanding it intellectually, you can know exactly where a pattern came from and still have it run you.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Knowledge is not completion.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: What knowledge does is the awareness factor, you know now.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is coming from here, this is not you, but let's say it keeps on repeating, it's even more negative now.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know it's coming from here, you are doing it still, you know the reason why you're doing it, but you're not changing it.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: How does the change take place then?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: The completion happens when three things occur.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: One, you locate the original charge, so you already have that in the awareness part of it.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: The specific event or patterns or events in specific windows where the belief was formed, not just knowing about it, actually feeling it, bringing it into your consciousness awareness, and with enough specificity that your nervous system recognizes it as the source, feel it, it's okay, it's the most difficult part.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know, but imagine you have two pathways ahead of you.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: One that you know is true, you that will change your life, that will connect you to the true self, your consciousness, the real you to your real goal, and second is the same pathway.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you're okay with continuing on the same pathway part, go ahead, you can do that.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: No one is going to stop you.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: But now you even know where it's coming from.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: But can you live with it?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, you feel it fully, not analyze it, feel it.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: That actual emotion that was stored in that moment, the child who was not seen, the teenager who was rejected, the young adult who learn that being themselves was not safe.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: That emotion has been stored in your body since the moment it formed.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: It needs to complete its cycle, and it can only do that by being fully felt, not intellectually processed.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness, you see it now.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: You feel that, you feel that negativity.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: What I talked about, and you want you f once you close your eyes, once you feel it in your body, you would want to get away from it.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want that anymore.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then number three, you choose a new meaning, not a positive affirmation, a conscious decision about the event actually means separate from the meaning your system assigned to it at that age, six or ten or seventeen, when you did not have the resources to see it clearly.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you are an observer, you are looking at it from outside of that system.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: That time you are inside that tunnel.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so many bad things must have happened.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: But right now you can observe it.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay, life is difficult.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the learning curvature.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: What it meant for you.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: And now you can see it actually.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And once you can see it from outside, you would know it.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: You'll assign a charge to it.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: You'll get a deeper understanding from it and why it is like that.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the work.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is simple, it is not easy, and it does not happen in one session.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: But every time you complete a charge, even partially, you take back a piece of your decision making from the pattern and you give it back to yourself.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just imagine how good that would feel.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're present in that time.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: How would you in that developed zone can process it that simply?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: If only it would have been that simple, you wouldn't be part of that loop of pattern.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: But you have those resources now, and the work of completing those charges of taking your decisions back from patterns that formed before you could question them.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: That is the most important work a founder can do, not for their mental health, for their business, for their results, for the people who depend on their leadership.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: I help founders do exactly this in loop decode session.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: 30 minutes.