Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #106 Aims Connor: Sobriety, Raising A Child With Autism And Unapologetic Parenting

Transcript

#106 Aims Connor: Sobriety, Raising A Child With Autism And Unapologetic Parenting · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You're probably wondering why we're coming into your ears right now,
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: but we have.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: A bonus episode with none other than Amy Owens, who
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: you might know better as Aims. She is a TikTok
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: mum sensation, and she's probably one of those relatable mums
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: online on the line at the moment.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: I found her ash, I want to say two years
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: ago I was fed her videos on TikTok and she
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: is just hilarious. She's built a community of people who
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: love to escape the chaos by watching her chaos.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: She's raising four kids. We've got Marley seven. It's like
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: you're Maley, but a bit older, Indy five, Billy three,
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: and little boy body.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Like most kids, her little ones aren't all too keen
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: on foods, so she often finds herself baking things with
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: her kids leftovers. She sinner turn leftover toast into cereal.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Believer it or not?
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Oh wait, how I believe that she cut it up?
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: She put it in the air fryer with some cinnamon
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: and then she Adamson milk.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: You always get Vetter recipe videos.
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: I do, Matthew.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: She's all about not wasting anything in her house. So
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: I think I watched one once more than once, and
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: now I get fed all of her cooking videos.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Literally see when I get her videos, it's often about
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: how she cooks for her kids because one of them, Marley,
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: has recently been diagnosed with autism. And now I'm yet
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: to speak to another parent who has a child with autism,
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: so I'm keen to talk about how she navigates life
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: with Marley.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: We also talk about her past and how it led
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: to her sobriety, and Matthew, it has been ten years
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: now sober, which is a huge achievement.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: She was quite vulnerable in opening up about her journey
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: with alcohol, which led her to a moment where she
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: ended up in rehab.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: It's a really amazing story, Matthew.
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: Let's get into it.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I'm Maddie Jay.
• 2:08
  Speaker 6: And I'm Ams.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: This is a podcast. It happens to be all about parenting.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: It is the good, it is the bad, and the
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: relatable and aims.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: We have to say every episode for legal reasons that
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: we don't give any advice, but if you have advice,
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: you're more than welcome to share that with us and
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: the world.
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: That'd be great because we could use some help.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: You've got twice as four kids.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, four kids, We've got two, so you're twice the
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: parent we are.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: We always talk about the parenting hierarchy and when you
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: meet a parent and you go, how old are your
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: kids and if they say, oh, mina like twelve months
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: and you know I've got a newborn, like I know
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: more than you.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm in charge of it.
• 2:48
  Speaker 6: It's all relative, though, isn't it? Like my four cout
• 2:51
  Speaker 6: equal someone's one. Do you know what I mean? Like
• 2:53
  Speaker 6: it's all about mannerisms and like the temperament and everything.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: True, very still very modern, I know so much that
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: essentially you're still there's what for male? Yeah, yeah, there's
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: how many fingers and toes? It's just like trying to
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: keep an eye on two.
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: Is harder now.
• 3:09
  Speaker 6: But they follow like little ducks. Honestly, when the more
• 3:12
  Speaker 6: that you've got, the more behaved they are. Or in
• 3:15
  Speaker 6: my experience anyway, like if I'm walking in the shopping center,
• 3:19
  Speaker 6: one will follow the other and the other will follow
• 3:21
  Speaker 6: the other. Like my two year old's so well behaved
• 3:24
  Speaker 6: outside inside he's pretty like manic, But like in the
• 3:28
  Speaker 6: shopping center. He's like such a well behaved two year
• 3:31
  Speaker 6: old because he's just following his sisters.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Do you turn around and go, fuck, there's three.
• 3:37
  Speaker 6: Head count?
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: The way?
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Is it that it makes me think that we should
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: all have like ten kids.
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: Because.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I do obviously want to get into your kids in
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: more detail. But before we do that, I read and
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: I was very surprised by this that you're not born
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: in Australia.
• 3:55
  Speaker 6: No, I was born in Venezuela. That kind of it
• 4:00
  Speaker 6: used to be my line when I was in my twenties.
• 4:02
  Speaker 6: It doesn't come out much anymore.
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: So what do you mean by that line?
• 4:05
  Speaker 6: Like, you know, well the pickup line, like you know,
• 4:09
  Speaker 6: like you got to get it. Yeah, every time, it's
• 4:13
  Speaker 6: just you gotta be interesting, you know, like when you're
• 4:15
  Speaker 6: out in the class. Venezuela was always my thing.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: No disrespect to like accountants out there. But if you're like, oh,
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: I'm an accountant.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: From Zuela, yeah, I know.
• 4:29
  Speaker 6: My parents were diplomats, so they worked for the Australian
• 4:33
  Speaker 6: Embassy which is in Canberra. And then we're just on
• 4:37
  Speaker 6: a posting and I just popped out in Venezuela. My
• 4:40
  Speaker 6: sister and brother are born in Canberra.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: Oh right, yeah, camera get out?
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: Yeahs not just something really dumb here. But if you're
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: a diplomat in Venezuela, what are you doing?
• 4:58
  Speaker 6: My mum had my sister because she older, so she
• 5:00
  Speaker 6: just stayed at like the country club where the expats go,
• 5:04
  Speaker 6: which it sounds really nice, but I reckon it would
• 5:07
  Speaker 6: have been so isolating because like if you're not if
• 5:11
  Speaker 6: there's no other expats there, you're literally just surrounded by
• 5:14
  Speaker 6: people that don't speak English. There's not much TV back then.
• 5:18
  Speaker 6: I was eighty five, so like everything's in Spanish, like
• 5:22
  Speaker 6: she would have and she's got two under two or
• 5:24
  Speaker 6: it would have been horrible anyway, my dad, I don't
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: know what they did, to be honest, what does the
• 5:29
  Speaker 6: diplomat do?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: I have no idea? When you said, I was like,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: the fuck is that? Do you know what I'm picking
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: up on? He's a spy. I'm thinking that.
• 5:40
  Speaker 6: Actually so fact the puzzle pieces are coming.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: We had a lot of handguns in the living.
• 5:47
  Speaker 6: I don't actually know where he is now for a while.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Do you speak Spanish?
• 5:54
  Speaker 6: Not because I was born in Venezuela, but my sister
• 5:57
  Speaker 6: and I traveled to Spain in my when I was eighteen,
• 6:01
  Speaker 6: but no, like Espanol is like what I know. I
• 6:05
  Speaker 6: knew my La Camgo. I know, like my sister spoke
• 6:08
  Speaker 6: at more than me, and she actually taught me Spanish
• 6:11
  Speaker 6: lines that I didn't know she They were actually like
• 6:13
  Speaker 6: you look quite sexy and like things like that. So
• 6:15
  Speaker 6: I was just like talking to people thinking I'm saying, hey,
• 6:18
  Speaker 6: how are you going? But I was like, you really sexy, Like.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: I'm from Zuela, so my mum speaks French and I
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: was like, teach me something.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: And the only couple of things I can.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Say is like on par with that to a tober
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: Lem and it's like you're beautiful and I love you.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I got nothing.
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: I got my languages.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Honestly, that's it.
• 6:41
  Speaker 6: But that works too, you know it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: Does work around here.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: We have a face like that. Yeah, you don't need
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: any any like accents or the language.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: Just the opera estrange charming enough.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: So when did you come back to Australia.
• 6:55
  Speaker 6: I was like probably, I want to say eighteen months,
• 6:58
  Speaker 6: Like it wasn't like a journey. And my passport photo
• 7:03
  Speaker 6: is actually really cute. I just I look like et
• 7:05
  Speaker 6: because I had no hair I had these ears that
• 7:07
  Speaker 6: sort of flicked out and my eyes were massive, so
• 7:10
  Speaker 6: it was, yeah, I don't that And that would have
• 7:13
  Speaker 6: been when we came home, so that probably eighteen months
• 7:17
  Speaker 6: back to Canberra.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: The spy returned. And then what kind of a child
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: were you like growing up? When you speak to your parents.
• 7:25
  Speaker 6: I was a good girl. I was like two, like
• 7:28
  Speaker 6: getting ready. I got myself up and ready at like
• 7:31
  Speaker 6: in KINDI had my hair braided, like I don't like
• 7:34
  Speaker 6: breaking rules.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: Like wow, yeah, I had the youngest of three and
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: the middle the middle of how many three three?
• 7:41
  Speaker 6: I got a younger brother, older sister. I didn't like
• 7:43
  Speaker 6: get high grades or anything like that. I didn't really try.
• 7:46
  Speaker 6: I was more like I wanted to be social and
• 7:49
  Speaker 6: like a sporty kid. That was sort of my thing,
• 7:51
  Speaker 6: so popular. But like just because I played sports?
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Did you get into trouble at all?
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: Do you?
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: If you were a really good girl and thought.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, if you look back now and you go, this
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: one time that sticks out that I did get in trouble.
• 8:04
  Speaker 6: I tripped up, guys, I'm sober in my twenties. Was
• 8:08
  Speaker 6: just trouble. The whole ten years was trouble.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: How long sober for ten years.
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, congratulations. Yeah.
• 8:15
  Speaker 6: So I was a good girl until I could.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Drink, okay, and then it took a t what what really,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: your parents would be like, oh my god.
• 8:25
  Speaker 6: Look, oh the party that I threw at their house?
• 8:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah no, that sticks out. Yeah, And actually was house
• 8:33
  Speaker 6: sitting for my cousins and I threw a party there
• 8:36
  Speaker 6: as well. That was really bad because they really bad. Yeah,
• 8:43
  Speaker 6: this is my twenties. So I was a gym beam girl,
• 8:45
  Speaker 6: So I hung out with all that crowd and.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Stuff gymnastics, like I used to do gym.
• 8:54
  Speaker 6: Definitely. Yeah, so like The's Eagles and stuff like that.
• 8:59
  Speaker 6: We used to hang out. But back when you could
• 9:00
  Speaker 6: sort of mingle with the forty players, so it was
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: it was fun. But yeah, we got a bit of trouble.
• 9:08
  Speaker 6: So the party that you threw, someone went through the window.
• 9:13
  Speaker 6: So we would have had it. We would have had
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: it all clear. We were in the clear, like, we
• 9:18
  Speaker 6: would have cleaned it up and it would have been perfect.
• 9:20
  Speaker 6: No one would have known because my parents were away.
• 9:23
  Speaker 6: But someone decided to go through a window. Floor.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Was it your thinking of I'm going to throw this
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: party or your friends being like hey, Amy, you're the
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: party girl, we should do it at your house.
• 9:40
  Speaker 6: I was never really the instigator. I was more of
• 9:42
  Speaker 6: a sheep to be honest when it comes to that
• 9:44
  Speaker 6: kind of stuff. But like we had the coolest house
• 9:47
  Speaker 6: my parents lived in that was in bag Alle Height,
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: so we looked over Klontaff and all that kind of stuff.
• 9:51
  Speaker 6: So we we had like the pool and everything. So yeah,
• 9:57
  Speaker 6: it was no brainer that it was going to happen
• 9:59
  Speaker 6: where my parents left.
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: But it's their fault.
• 10:01
  Speaker 6: It totally is.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: You probably didn't the pool and shit, and so it
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: says you.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Brought this upon yourself, know to that.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: So then when you got found out by your parents,
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: like what happens? Then did you get disciplined?
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well.
• 10:19
  Speaker 6: It's more that like that shame and that disappointment that
• 10:22
  Speaker 6: you've got to live with. Rather because I was in
• 10:25
  Speaker 6: my twenties, I was working and doing that, they can't
• 10:27
  Speaker 6: really ground me, like I still have to go and
• 10:30
  Speaker 6: show up to my job. But like coming home and
• 10:33
  Speaker 6: it was my stepdad as well, so it's not actually
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: like my mom was disappointed, But then it's like letting
• 10:38
  Speaker 6: down this man who's come into my home and made
• 10:41
  Speaker 6: my mom so happy, and like they built this beautiful
• 10:44
  Speaker 6: house and they were renovating, and it's like the problem
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: child ruins it for everyone. So it's like more like
• 10:50
  Speaker 6: living with that. And you definitely learned my lesson from
• 10:53
  Speaker 6: that point about having parties. But my drinking sort of
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: went spiraling after that.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Do you think because I look at my girls and
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: I always think, gosh, like they're so as a whole
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: well behaved right now, then I often get scared that
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: it'll follow that same trajectory where.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: They're really good.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Now I hit teenage years and older go off the
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: rails for you. Was it just the people you were
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: hanging out with or was it the fact that you've
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: been so well behaved that you were going to go
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: just against the grain?
• 11:24
  Speaker 6: No, it's literally Alcoholism is like it can take anyone,
• 11:28
  Speaker 6: you know, Like I was a private school girl, you know,
• 11:31
  Speaker 6: really well behaved. As you said, the crowd, yes and no.
• 11:36
  Speaker 6: But I put myself into that crowd because I wanted
• 11:39
  Speaker 6: to be surrounded by people that would hide how much
• 11:41
  Speaker 6: I could drink because they were drinking too. But when
• 11:44
  Speaker 6: it started to get a bit older and they started
• 11:46
  Speaker 6: to settle down and stuff, I really sort of went wow, Okay,
• 11:49
  Speaker 6: I don't want to stop. So I became like I
• 11:53
  Speaker 6: hit it a lot more. And that's when it's like, Okay,
• 11:56
  Speaker 6: this is a problem. But it wasn't really an experience
• 12:01
  Speaker 6: or an upbringing that was the problem. It's the alcoholism
• 12:06
  Speaker 6: is like a genetic disease. So I have that same
• 12:11
  Speaker 6: fear as well because I've got four, so I've got
• 12:13
  Speaker 6: like chances are one of them is going to have Yeah,
• 12:16
  Speaker 6: and I think.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: If you like got kids and you don't, you've got it.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: At some point. I expect that they'll do things like
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: that right where they'll go, They'll do dumb things, they
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: might pick up a bad habit. You can't expect them
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: to be completely perfect. So no, it's like when do
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: they pick it up?
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 12:33
  Speaker 6: It just sucks though, because it's like it was so
• 12:36
  Speaker 6: and it is so hard still, like seeing everyone drink
• 12:39
  Speaker 6: and knowing that I can't, but like I'm over it
• 12:41
  Speaker 6: now and I realized that if I drink it would
• 12:44
  Speaker 6: just ruin everything. So I don't for that reason, but
• 12:49
  Speaker 6: to think that one of them might have to go
• 12:52
  Speaker 6: through that. Because it was a long process for me
• 12:55
  Speaker 6: to come to that realization, and my parents had to
• 12:57
  Speaker 6: sort of watch but take a step back, because they're like,
• 13:02
  Speaker 6: the more we get involved, the less you're learning.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: The only benefit I think would be the fact that
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: you've been there so you understand, whereas if you're coming
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: from a place of complete naivity, you might not know
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: how to tackle it. Yeah, what was the trigger point
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: for you realizing that you needed to get help in this?
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: For serious?
• 13:19
  Speaker 6: When I was like drinking every night and hiding it
• 13:24
  Speaker 6: and I was living with a guy, it just like
• 13:29
  Speaker 6: he wouldn't even know that I had to have like
• 13:32
  Speaker 6: a whole bottle of wine before I went like scull
• 13:34
  Speaker 6: the bottle of wine. I've never told anyone this by
• 13:36
  Speaker 6: before because like, I don't want this to.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Be what defines you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's right. The second I open up about it,
• 13:43
  Speaker 6: people know that I'm sober and blah blah blah. I
• 13:45
  Speaker 6: don't really go into it because that will mean that
• 13:47
  Speaker 6: I'll be sober amy type thing, and I don't want
• 13:49
  Speaker 6: that to be my content. But I'm not ashamed and
• 13:52
  Speaker 6: it is a part of my story, so I do
• 13:54
  Speaker 6: like to share it when I can. But yeah, I
• 13:58
  Speaker 6: I was just coming home every single night blind and
• 14:01
  Speaker 6: I don't I would wake up I wouldn't remember being
• 14:04
  Speaker 6: with him, like being like watching movies or anything like
• 14:07
  Speaker 6: what cooking dinner? I didn't remember. I was doing everything
• 14:10
  Speaker 6: like just drunk. And then I started losing jobs and
• 14:15
  Speaker 6: then it was like, okay, I need to get help,
• 14:18
  Speaker 6: and then I would have I think it was about
• 14:20
  Speaker 6: five years of just in and out of rehabs, in
• 14:23
  Speaker 6: and out of back and forth with jobs. I moved
• 14:26
  Speaker 6: to Newcastle at one point and then like it was
• 14:29
  Speaker 6: just it was all over the place. But I think
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: I've been to like almost every rehab in Sydney.
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Wow, say like the anomaly quit straight away in the
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: first time. It's a journey to get where you are now,
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: like you go fall in and out, and everyone's journey
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: is going to be different, and everyone's addictions also is different.
• 14:47
  Speaker 6: So unfortunately for the people that I was seeing, because
• 14:51
  Speaker 6: whenever I had a boyfriend, I seemed to pick the
• 14:53
  Speaker 6: guys that would enable it as well. So the lovely guy.
• 14:57
  Speaker 6: I've never had a bad experience with ex boyfriends and
• 15:00
  Speaker 6: things like that. They've just been like ten out of
• 15:03
  Speaker 6: ten guys. But I just messed it up because I
• 15:08
  Speaker 6: was drinking. But I picked them because they were so
• 15:11
  Speaker 6: naive to it all.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, but they're happy now.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: I want to say congratulations, yeah, because I know you
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: talk about it's not the content that you put out.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: I had no idea, but I think it's incredible knowing
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: what you've gone through to be where you are now
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: sober for how long?
• 15:31
  Speaker 6: Ten years? So I got sober about six months before
• 15:34
  Speaker 6: I met Shae and I started nursing school then, so
• 15:39
  Speaker 6: Shae's never seen me drunk, and yeah, the life just started,
• 15:46
  Speaker 6: left started ten years.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: Do you think when you talk about going into to
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: rehab multiple times, was there anything different about the one
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: moment where you got on the road to recovery and
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: you stayed there and didn't go back.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Was it open?
• 16:01
  Speaker 6: The rehabs that I went to were all like private
• 16:05
  Speaker 6: rehabs and I had my own room and blah blah blah.
• 16:08
  Speaker 6: I don't think that really has much to do with
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: why that didn't work. It was all a process, but
• 16:15
  Speaker 6: the last one that I ended up in in was involuntary.
• 16:20
  Speaker 6: It was either go to this one or you go
• 16:21
  Speaker 6: to jail because I I don't or die like that.
• 16:25
  Speaker 6: They were my options, do this, do that or that,
• 16:28
  Speaker 6: And it was the like grubbiest rehab and I was like,
• 16:35
  Speaker 6: like shocked to my system. But they did AA meetings
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: and the others didn't. The other ones did, but it's
• 16:44
  Speaker 6: like you can go if you want, but you stay
• 16:46
  Speaker 6: at home if you want to and work on your mind.
• 16:48
  Speaker 6: You breathe your breath, work and stuff.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: And I was like, that was ultimately it's up to
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: you totally anyone else.
• 16:55
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And it was it was You've got a choice.
• 16:57
  Speaker 6: And I never had been like sat with that choice
• 17:02
  Speaker 6: in front of me. Do you want to die? Do
• 17:04
  Speaker 6: you want to go to jail? Or do you want
• 17:05
  Speaker 6: to get this and do it? And I think that
• 17:09
  Speaker 6: was also when my mum just goes I'm done. The
• 17:13
  Speaker 6: boyfriend that I thought I was in love with had
• 17:15
  Speaker 6: also gone done.
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 17:18
  Speaker 6: So and through that we were together for about two years.
• 17:22
  Speaker 6: For that time, he was like he was like helping me.
• 17:28
  Speaker 6: And when he just went done and my mom went
• 17:30
  Speaker 6: done and my dad went done, and I was like,
• 17:32
  Speaker 6: I'm going to I'm on my own. I've got to
• 17:33
  Speaker 6: do this.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: So that was that yeah, wow, so grave And like
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: I do feel sometimes I struggle with alcohol, it must
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: be such a big moment for you to go okay,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: well this is it.
• 17:45
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just that finding happiness elsewhere. And I think
• 17:49
  Speaker 6: the fact that now we live down in Kayama and
• 17:51
  Speaker 6: Shade doesn't like he has a beer when he cooks
• 17:53
  Speaker 6: a barbecue type thing. And he used to, like he
• 17:56
  Speaker 6: used to go out with the boys and stuff. He
• 17:58
  Speaker 6: played soccer and was pretty up in the soccer world,
• 18:01
  Speaker 6: and they'd all have beers and stuff. But he barely drinks.
• 18:06
  Speaker 6: And I don't really have friends that drink too much.
• 18:09
  Speaker 6: Like they'll have some wine and sometimes I miss having
• 18:11
  Speaker 6: the wine. But one wine, it's not a wine for me.
• 18:14
  Speaker 6: Having a wine is like having metholated spirits in the garter.
• 18:19
  Speaker 6: It's not just one cocktail for me. It's like it's
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: like it's yeah, and I've learned that now.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: So did you go to Australia from school?
• 18:26
  Speaker 6: So what I did my Diploma of remedial massage out
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: of college in North Sydney's.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Funny say that because my right shoulder actually.
• 18:38
  Speaker 6: The amount of times that's been it was that was actually, yeah,
• 18:43
  Speaker 6: that was pretty funny. When I was studying it, like
• 18:46
  Speaker 6: the only thing that people could say was like, can
• 18:48
  Speaker 6: you please give me so good to see you?
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: By the way, forcing shoulders.
• 18:57
  Speaker 6: And then because that was like hard work, I worked
• 19:00
  Speaker 6: for a chiropractor and I was just massaging bodies all day.
• 19:03
  Speaker 6: I was like, what else could I do with this?
• 19:05
  Speaker 6: And then at the time, I had a boyfriend who
• 19:07
  Speaker 6: was a personal trainer, and He's like, do this. So
• 19:09
  Speaker 6: I did my sirt three and four of personal training.
• 19:13
  Speaker 6: I worked at Willoughby Fitness First for a while as
• 19:15
  Speaker 6: a personal trainer, but very quickly realized I was not
• 19:20
  Speaker 6: like I'm not a business owner, head brain, like I
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: can't and if you're if you're doing personal training, you
• 19:27
  Speaker 6: need to own your own business. Like it wasn't me.
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: And I was like this nineteen year old, like tiny
• 19:33
  Speaker 6: little blonde girl in fitness first and like competing with
• 19:37
  Speaker 6: like big bodybuilders, Like who are they going to ask
• 19:40
  Speaker 6: to train them? You know what I mean? So I
• 19:43
  Speaker 6: was like, okay, I can't do this either.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: And then I've got great delts by the way.
• 19:49
  Speaker 6: I have been with my four children, a love of
• 19:52
  Speaker 6: them around. Who got you into nursing because I had
• 19:55
  Speaker 6: all those times in hospitals I watched the nurses and
• 19:59
  Speaker 6: I was like, I want to do that. I want
• 20:02
  Speaker 6: to be on the other side. And then when I
• 20:04
  Speaker 6: finally got clarity and I got sober and I had
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: about six months in me, I'm like, I'm just going
• 20:08
  Speaker 6: to do it. I've got nothing else. I was completely single,
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: just had absolutely like no care in the world, and
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: I just went, I'm just going to enroll in my degree,
• 20:21
  Speaker 6: just straight out go for our ns.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: It's always interesting talking to people in a world where
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: I have little to no experience other than the few
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: times that I've been in hospital I've been in with
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: my kids. I do want to ask, as a nurse,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: what would be the grossest thing you've had to deal with?
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: We wounds are so cool, Like I love a good Okay, okay,
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: maggot therapy. Excuse me, why maggot therapy? Maggot put maggots
• 20:53
  Speaker 6: on a wound to clean it?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Who does that? Which hospital you work? I'll just do that.
• 20:58
  Speaker 6: It's like this new thing. Yeah, obviously your wound has
• 21:02
  Speaker 6: to meet regulations and stuff like that, and it's maggots
• 21:05
  Speaker 6: that have been trained like and built in scientific labs. Yeah,
• 21:11
  Speaker 6: they get put on there to like clean the wound
• 21:14
  Speaker 6: and raffled. Yeah, it's so exciting. Is it's exciting?
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: How do they?
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: Okay, talk us just talk us through the process of that.
• 21:23
  Speaker 6: I don't I've only ever come and come onto a
• 21:27
  Speaker 6: shift and had a patient that's already had them applied,
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: so I just sort of had to manage it.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Did you get there and be like this maggots on
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: this person?
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they're on maggot therapy, Thank you.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: What's going to be next? Puppy therapy? Bring a bunch
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: of puppies to lick the wounds.
• 21:49
  Speaker 6: Oh, not to lick the wounds, but that is actually
• 21:51
  Speaker 6: a therapy.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: I'm going to invent it. This is a zoo.
• 21:59
  Speaker 6: It was quite shocked too, when I, like, you see
• 22:01
  Speaker 6: it on your handover, I'm like, was that Am I
• 22:03
  Speaker 6: reading that? Probably?
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 22:05
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And they just talked me through that actual Yeah,
• 22:07
  Speaker 6: it's actually are real.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: How do you get the nuggots out of the wound?
• 22:11
  Speaker 6: Well they don't, like kind of just kind of yet
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: getting rid of the like bits around the side and
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: all the sluffy bits.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: Surely there's something else that we can use, Like this
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: is the future.
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: It was like, we're going back in time now.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about Shay.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys met in a very modern type of way.
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: Yes, ye wipes. Was it left or right, I can't
• 22:39
  Speaker 6: remember it.
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: I am like pre tinder, have Tinder.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: I went pretty hard on Tinder because you lived in
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: as in London, how many years?
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Four years? Do you remember your first date?
• 22:55
  Speaker 5: Yes?
• 22:55
  Speaker 6: I So he's funny, like he is like a typical
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: non not tinder, doesn't like to meet new people, doesn't
• 23:04
  Speaker 6: like but where his situation at the moment at that
• 23:07
  Speaker 6: time was he was living with two guys who were
• 23:10
  Speaker 6: pretty heavy on Tinder. Well just like that's just how
• 23:16
  Speaker 6: they met and went on dates and stuff like that. That
• 23:18
  Speaker 6: was just a really so they put him on and
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: I think I was the only person that he was
• 23:23
  Speaker 6: actually had spoken to. I don't even know, like now
• 23:27
  Speaker 6: knowing him, I have no idea how he did this,
• 23:30
  Speaker 6: Like he's like not like he's just yeah, it's it's
• 23:35
  Speaker 6: it's crazy, yeah, like because he's in he was in
• 23:39
  Speaker 6: Bully as well, and I was in Northern Beaches. So
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: I don't even know how our rating I don't.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Even know.
• 23:49
  Speaker 6: Together and I hadn't even I hadn't gone on that
• 23:52
  Speaker 6: many dates because well I didn't really. I just kind
• 23:54
  Speaker 6: of liked looking, to be honest, and he was just
• 23:57
  Speaker 6: like this architect from Bully and I was like, I
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: don't even know where BLA is, but okay, whatever, And
• 24:04
  Speaker 6: I think it was just like I come home. I
• 24:07
  Speaker 6: was working in a nursing home and doing full time UNI,
• 24:10
  Speaker 6: and I was just started randomly messaging each other. He
• 24:13
  Speaker 6: was very like one word and sentences. He's not interested
• 24:20
  Speaker 6: in me.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, it's like he's playing hard to get actually thought.
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: I was like, he just doesn't think I'm.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Pretty much, and you're like, I got to crack this guy.
• 24:32
  Speaker 6: But yet he was hungover. No, he was out actually,
• 24:38
  Speaker 6: so he probably had a few beers and he's like,
• 24:40
  Speaker 6: i'll come to day tomorrow. And he came to d Y.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: That's a long drive by far. Is that he was
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: hungover two and a half hours. It like two hours me.
• 24:51
  Speaker 6: About one two hours to get here today, so another
• 24:54
  Speaker 6: half an hour on that hungover. He was rusty. I
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: haven't seen him like I actually, but yeah, we were
• 25:04
  Speaker 6: at the beach and he walked over and I was
• 25:06
  Speaker 6: walking to him. I was just like, that is the
• 25:08
  Speaker 6: surfy dude that I need in my life. He's just
• 25:10
  Speaker 6: like this cool, surfy dude. But then when you talk
• 25:13
  Speaker 6: to him, he's just the modest is like so humble
• 25:16
  Speaker 6: and just yeah, he's cool.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: You like love at first sight, Yeah.
• 25:21
  Speaker 6: Pretty much. But if we went to walk Bar, and
• 25:24
  Speaker 6: this is another thing.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: I used to live on there, so like right, and
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: that apartment.
• 25:33
  Speaker 6: Block opposite the petrol station there, and my mum's actually
• 25:37
  Speaker 6: in d Way Parade.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: Now, yeah, my parents got married on at surf on
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: the roof, pool on the roof.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: That's fine. You guys could have been like related. You
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: wouldn't get it.
• 25:58
  Speaker 6: He doesn't like walk Bar. He is a Snitzel, chips
• 26:03
  Speaker 6: and salad kind of guy.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Respect.
• 26:06
  Speaker 6: But I was like, let's go to walk I didn't
• 26:08
  Speaker 6: know any of this about him, and he just ordered
• 26:10
  Speaker 6: what I ordered, and I just got. I got a
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: luxA And when you like it, that's when you don't
• 26:15
  Speaker 6: know how to eat a luxayah sippy sippy dish.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I.
• 26:20
  Speaker 6: Think he it's like a soup, but like it's.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: A noodle soup soup.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: He's not a meal, so it's a drink.
• 26:25
  Speaker 6: No, but it's like chopsticks. You've got noodles and you go, oh,
• 26:28
  Speaker 6: okay okay ramen yes, basically, but it's like a coconuty,
• 26:33
  Speaker 6: like more milky kind of it's beautiful. Try me try
• 26:36
  Speaker 6: try it.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Write that down so we can have it's like hot
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: laughter as well. So it's very like when it comes in,
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: when it comes out.
• 26:45
  Speaker 6: Both but when yeah, so when I can only imagine
• 26:51
  Speaker 6: now again now knowing him, when that came what he was,
• 26:55
  Speaker 6: Oh my gosh. And I swear he's probably had like
• 26:57
  Speaker 6: two bites and that was it. And I didn't really
• 26:59
  Speaker 6: even notice because we were just like chatting and the
• 27:01
  Speaker 6: conversation was flowing. But then when we went to leave,
• 27:04
  Speaker 6: I'm like, are you still hungry? Are you do you
• 27:06
  Speaker 6: want to eat it? Do you want to take it away?
• 27:07
  Speaker 6: And he's like, I'm good, I'm so modestate. Yeah.
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: He probably like got back in the car.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: I was like, fuck, he's got a three and a
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: half hour drive.
• 27:21
  Speaker 6: There's plenty of McDonald's on the way.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: Do ourself on the way.
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: That was the thing. It was like it was lunch
• 27:27
  Speaker 6: and that was done, and he's like, so what next?
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: And I'd never really I thought like, I'd never really
• 27:33
  Speaker 6: had that sort of comfortability with someone, and he just
• 27:37
  Speaker 6: wanted to keep hanging out and I was like, well,
• 27:38
  Speaker 6: there's a bowling alley around the corner. Do I bowling,
• 27:42
  Speaker 6: and we went played bowling and all I can remember
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: is just checking out his calves because he's got like
• 27:46
  Speaker 6: those surfer.
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: I know the ones. I know the calves.
• 27:51
  Speaker 6: It was bowling. I was like, holy ship, did he
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: have a had all all ticked all the boxes of
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: the surf you d and the watchtown.
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:07
  Speaker 6: I watched him and then that was and we'd finished
• 28:09
  Speaker 6: that and then he's like, well, what next, and I was.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Like, he's like.
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: So we just sat by the lake and then we
• 28:18
  Speaker 6: had our first kiss and then.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Star beautiful first the first day, first day.
• 28:28
  Speaker 6: Get this though, this is the clincher. I went then
• 28:32
  Speaker 6: I was meeting a friend, so I just went straight
• 28:34
  Speaker 6: to like the restaurant, and he went home. I sent
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: him a text and I said, I think I'm going
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: to delete Tinder and Heroe. I've already deleted.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: Well done, lock that down.
• 28:49
  Speaker 6: Like we literally were camping the next weekend together. I
• 28:53
  Speaker 6: loved to Probably I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend, but it
• 28:58
  Speaker 6: was very sick like yeah it was safe.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: That's actually an amazing story.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: You guys had kids pretty quickly after you got married,
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: like within the first twelve months.
• 29:11
  Speaker 6: It was two, Like, not that's not quicker than anyone else.
• 29:14
  Speaker 6: I don't think like.
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: We had we had.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Off.
• 29:20
  Speaker 6: Well, what we did is like because I was still
• 29:23
  Speaker 6: doing my degree, I wanted to finish my degree, and
• 29:25
  Speaker 6: then I timed that by finishing the degree, getting married,
• 29:29
  Speaker 6: and then trying for Mali. It took us about probably
• 29:32
  Speaker 6: about eight nine months because I found out I had
• 29:34
  Speaker 6: a thyroid issue. So once I started taking medication for
• 29:37
  Speaker 6: that and sort of adjusting my hormones, we felt pretty quickly.
• 29:41
  Speaker 6: Then I had the next one and then the next one.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Did you always plan on having four?
• 29:48
  Speaker 6: I wanted three, Like I loved the dynamic of me
• 29:50
  Speaker 6: and my brother, my sister and my brother. But then
• 29:53
  Speaker 6: when Billy was a girl, it was like we weren't
• 29:56
  Speaker 6: shutting off to another one. Not that not that it
• 29:58
  Speaker 6: would have minded if the with a girl, but it
• 30:01
  Speaker 6: was a very nice surprise that it was just going
• 30:04
  Speaker 6: to have that gender dynamic. And I've always wanted a
• 30:07
  Speaker 6: little boy too, but we didn't go for a fourth
• 30:11
  Speaker 6: To have a boy. That he was a shock actually
• 30:15
  Speaker 6: because they're only like thirteen months apart.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a surprise.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: That's a good essay, because I know you've talked about
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: always wanting to be a parent. Did the reality of
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: parenting match up to the dream that you wanted it
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: to be?
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 30:30
  Speaker 6: I feel like I have never been more happy and myself.
• 30:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, this is always what I needed, wanted, wished for,
• 30:42
  Speaker 6: a dream for. This is me, like I most beautiful,
• 30:45
  Speaker 6: my element. Yeah, and I know it gets crazy and career,
• 30:48
  Speaker 6: but like.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 30:51
  Speaker 6: I'm that's my.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Job, Like ye reflects a new content.
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: But you can tell that your aura that you love.
• 30:57
  Speaker 6: It, love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just meant to
• 31:00
  Speaker 6: be there and and just everything. When I think back back,
• 31:04
  Speaker 6: going back to rehab, when I was in that bed,
• 31:06
  Speaker 6: I remember thinking to myself, I want, you know, house
• 31:11
  Speaker 6: by the beach, kid's husband and not so much like
• 31:15
  Speaker 6: I couldn't see it. But now I'm seeing and I'm like,
• 31:17
  Speaker 6: this is this is what I was dreaming of.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: This is it?
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: Wow?
• 31:20
  Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, So yeah, it's all just making sense and
• 31:24
  Speaker 6: all coming together and yeah it's good.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Fucking love that.
• 31:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just absolutely stoked for you.
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: And like to say, especially like having four kids and
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: we often complain we only have two, but like.
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: I said, it's all relative. Like my kids they all slept.
• 31:41
  Speaker 6: They all slept. Body was like slept one of those
• 31:45
  Speaker 6: ones that slept from like four weeks old through the night.
• 31:49
  Speaker 6: The fourth one too, Billy was pretty similar to that too.
• 31:52
  Speaker 6: So like if I wasn't getting eight hours a night,
• 31:56
  Speaker 6: it would be a lot more difficult and I probably
• 31:58
  Speaker 6: wouldn't have had four. And like I said, they're temperaments,
• 32:01
  Speaker 6: they're pretty chilled out. They can give it to me,
• 32:05
  Speaker 6: trust me, they can like someone out there with one
• 32:09
  Speaker 6: child with disabilities and stuff like that, you know what
• 32:11
  Speaker 6: I mean. Like it's so like my fok equals there one.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I do you want to talk about Marley?
• 32:17
  Speaker 6: Yeah?
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: At what point did you think to yourself, you and
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: your husband, we might need to get some professional help here.
• 32:24
  Speaker 6: We didn't. We had no idea she actually had. She
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: wasn't talking to her level and she wasn't eating. But
• 32:33
  Speaker 6: I had no idea what autism was, had no idea
• 32:36
  Speaker 6: not even ever thought about it, never researched it, had
• 32:39
  Speaker 6: no idea that that could be a possibility or our reality.
• 32:44
  Speaker 6: She and then we went and got her ears checked
• 32:47
  Speaker 6: because we thought, okay, that could be why she's not talking.
• 32:49
  Speaker 6: Sure enough, she needed grummts.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: How old roughly as months.
• 32:53
  Speaker 6: Was her first. Grummitts and grommots they go in. It's
• 33:00
  Speaker 6: a full on general anesthetic process. It's like adnoids, grummots,
• 33:05
  Speaker 6: tapped tonsils and they put like a little hole where
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: because she had fluid in her ears, so the grummot's
• 33:13
  Speaker 6: like a little like plastic things that keep the hole
• 33:16
  Speaker 6: open to the drain out. Yeah, it's pretty common procedure actually,
• 33:25
  Speaker 6: especially with autistic kids. I didn't know that at the time.
• 33:28
  Speaker 6: So once we had her ears fixed, we thought, okay, well,
• 33:31
  Speaker 6: now she's probably going to start speaking and like hearing us,
• 33:34
  Speaker 6: because for eighteen us you couldn't hear us, and that
• 33:37
  Speaker 6: made sense to us. But she always looked us in
• 33:39
  Speaker 6: the eye. She didn't respond to her name like every
• 33:43
  Speaker 6: single time, but just wasn't hitting them like the typical
• 33:46
  Speaker 6: autistic things that people talk about.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Even now, it's.
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: I'm going to say, there's moments where I'm like Marley
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: and she's like, it's like I'm not in the rooms.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Other times where I say Marlin, she goes, yeah, what's up.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: So it's so hard to know when they're just ignoring
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: you because they're focused on something, and when it's something more.
• 34:06
  Speaker 6: It's more like that awareness of people around you. I
• 34:09
  Speaker 6: think that is. And if obviously, if she's focused on something,
• 34:13
  Speaker 6: and if my other kids are focused on something, like
• 34:16
  Speaker 6: you said, they're not really going to look. But it's
• 34:18
  Speaker 6: more like that, say my five year old, I'll walk
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: into the room, She's clocked me, she knows I'm there.
• 34:24
  Speaker 6: She's like, she's like kind of observing what I'm doing.
• 34:28
  Speaker 6: Molly doesn't. She doesn't have that, she doesn't want that,
• 34:31
  Speaker 6: she doesn't need that. She's sort of just like focused
• 34:33
  Speaker 6: on her body and just trying to Yeah, we started
• 34:36
  Speaker 6: seeing a speechy because that was our next step because
• 34:40
  Speaker 6: speechy asks pathologists.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: It's such a hard word.
• 34:48
  Speaker 6: Now that's what we say. That's hospital terms as well,
• 34:50
  Speaker 6: oh speechy. It was just a chick down around the
• 34:53
  Speaker 6: corner from us. So completely trust her and she was
• 34:57
  Speaker 6: highly professional and highly regarded her profession. She just said
• 35:01
  Speaker 6: to us, look, there's a few areas of concern and
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: we're like, okay, that's it's good to know that there's
• 35:10
  Speaker 6: like but but what does that mean for us? How
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: they play? So it's not it's deemed not not appropriate playing,
• 35:19
  Speaker 6: so instead of like like getting the baby feeding the
• 35:23
  Speaker 6: baby and rocking the baby, putting the baby down to bed.
• 35:26
  Speaker 6: She would just like kind of play with the baby,
• 35:28
  Speaker 6: like take the clothes off and then put like line
• 35:31
  Speaker 6: the clothes up and like do different things that aren't
• 35:34
  Speaker 6: like deemed appropriate. Or puzzles, Like she'd line the puzzle
• 35:37
  Speaker 6: pieces up and she'd have like the blues and the
• 35:40
  Speaker 6: yellows and the reds, and it was just like she
• 35:43
  Speaker 6: is actually now she's showing signs of yeah she And
• 35:49
  Speaker 6: that's it sometimes is the case with autistic brains, They
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: just become genius. Yeah, they change the world. She will
• 35:57
  Speaker 6: change the world. Wow, she's amazing. But yeah, you see
• 36:01
  Speaker 6: I saw we saw a pediatrician and she gave us
• 36:03
  Speaker 6: a diagnosis. And basically it was like just everything that
• 36:08
  Speaker 6: you thought you knew, like and you thought you and
• 36:12
  Speaker 6: the hopes and the dreams and the goals and aspirations.
• 36:14
  Speaker 6: You're like, is she gonna have friends? Is she going
• 36:16
  Speaker 6: to go to school? Is she going to like be
• 36:20
  Speaker 6: able to get married, have kids, like all those things,
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: just having an easy life.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: Anything that might interfere with that, you go down to
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: the worst case scenario.
• 36:31
  Speaker 6: So we sort of once I sort of came to terms,
• 36:33
  Speaker 6: with that, I did a little bit of my own
• 36:35
  Speaker 6: research with autism and stuff, and you know, once you
• 36:38
  Speaker 6: sort of open up to that community, it just like
• 36:41
  Speaker 6: and especially today in today's age with TikTok and stuff,
• 36:45
  Speaker 6: like everyone's talking about it now, so it's becoming so
• 36:47
  Speaker 6: much more Yeah, yeah and spoken about and like it
• 36:52
  Speaker 6: is the new normal. I guess, but what is normal really?
• 36:55
  Speaker 6: But anyway it was, I wasn't like, it wasn't a
• 36:59
  Speaker 6: dis appointment feeling. That's not the right way. It's like
• 37:02
  Speaker 6: more like a sadness and hopelessness because you just don't
• 37:05
  Speaker 6: know what you can do. Yeah, but we did early intervention.
• 37:09
  Speaker 6: From then we were just like, Okay, she's got autism,
• 37:13
  Speaker 6: can't go back now, let's just do what we can
• 37:15
  Speaker 6: to give her the best start in life.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: Like, so what is from that point with the speech yet?
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: And then how do they test at that age for autism?
• 37:27
  Speaker 6: So we went to a pediatrician that specializes in like
• 37:31
  Speaker 6: the mental mental side of kids. I guess we just
• 37:35
  Speaker 6: spent an hour in the office and again they were
• 37:37
  Speaker 6: just playing and she was trying to interact and she
• 37:40
  Speaker 6: was trying to talk, and I guess they've got like
• 37:41
  Speaker 6: a little checklist in.
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: Their haird yes, there's a lot of observations.
• 37:44
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's it, and she said, yeah, she's got autism.
• 37:48
  Speaker 6: The level of diagnosis can can vary because they're all
• 37:52
  Speaker 6: so different. But because back then she wasn't really talking
• 37:55
  Speaker 6: or anything, because I think that sort of elevated her level.
• 37:58
  Speaker 6: She was diagnosed as a three, but since I think
• 38:01
  Speaker 6: has been rediagnosed as like a two. But that could
• 38:04
  Speaker 6: be a lot of the early intervention stuff that we
• 38:06
  Speaker 6: did too as well.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: How did it feel as a mom hearing those words
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: or your child has autism?
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: It was.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like.
• 38:18
  Speaker 6: Again because I just I didn't know, and I didn't
• 38:21
  Speaker 6: have any friends that had it, had a child with autism,
• 38:25
  Speaker 6: And I didn't have anyone in my community or close
• 38:27
  Speaker 6: by to talk to about it. Well, I didn't think
• 38:29
  Speaker 6: I did until it happened, and then it like friends
• 38:33
  Speaker 6: just came like messaging me saying, yeah, like, you know,
• 38:36
  Speaker 6: Lucky's got like autism level too too, Like let's talk
• 38:41
  Speaker 6: about it together.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it must be so amazing.
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: I think there's some parents to go behind.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: It or is it your own stigma or do you
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: think yeah.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: Like you might think, okay, well, it's such a world
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: of unknown and every parent who it's going to be
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: their first time hearing that and feeling that, do you
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: think that there's something behind you that think, Okay, well
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: are we going to be as a family like maybe
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: looked as like our cast until you reach out to
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: people like yeah, actually us too.
• 39:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I think at first I definitely had that feeling.
• 39:11
  Speaker 6: My only my biggest fear was school because like school's
• 39:15
  Speaker 6: just tough for the kids, and then adding like a
• 39:18
  Speaker 6: disability onto that, it's just like rough. As I said,
• 39:21
  Speaker 6: it's so much more talked about. Even in primary school,
• 39:25
  Speaker 6: they all know Maley she's in a special class because
• 39:28
  Speaker 6: there is like a special little class in the school
• 39:31
  Speaker 6: that she's in that has just extra support because she
• 39:35
  Speaker 6: just needs that. Now. I feel like she's going to
• 39:37
  Speaker 6: grow to a point where she goes, I don't want
• 39:39
  Speaker 6: to be in that class anymore, and then we'll just
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: pop her into mainstream. But I think we're going to
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: let her make that decision because right now she needs
• 39:46
  Speaker 6: that extra support. But yeah, look, I it wasn't so
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: there was a little bit of how I was feeling,
• 39:53
  Speaker 6: but and how it looked. I guess sort of I
• 39:58
  Speaker 6: guess I'm not going to lie probably, but it was
• 40:02
  Speaker 6: very quickly shut down with like let's just get this
• 40:04
  Speaker 6: girl help and do the best that we can because
• 40:07
  Speaker 6: she's ow everything. She was the only yea, our only
• 40:10
  Speaker 6: child at that point.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: How do you help?
• 40:13
  Speaker 6: We did, so the speech pathologists speech she had connections
• 40:18
  Speaker 6: and that you can do like quite intense early intervention
• 40:21
  Speaker 6: therapies like OT behavioral theories, occupational therapy, yeah, to just lucky,
• 40:31
  Speaker 6: and they do stuff like sensory stuff because obviously with
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: autism they've got a lot of sensory issues and they
• 40:37
  Speaker 6: touch on that I don't actually know, and this speech
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: is like obviously working with but at that age, speech
• 40:46
  Speaker 6: pathology is also about playing and appropriate playing and taking turns.
• 40:51
  Speaker 6: That's Molly as taking turns. I think that's every time
• 40:53
  Speaker 6: child's one. Though, where we went had group interactions as well,
• 40:57
  Speaker 6: so they would we're at like this place called the
• 41:01
  Speaker 6: Kids UNI, So they had different therapists and they all
• 41:03
  Speaker 6: had their own different like one on one child and
• 41:06
  Speaker 6: then they'd come together and play as a group just
• 41:09
  Speaker 6: to teach them that sort of social interaction also.
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: To like probably observe them in a group.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because like you're saying, like, she's so focused
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: on her her body, what she's doing that you can
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: think like if if they just were alone the whole
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: time going through this, then they won't develop that.
• 41:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but she also would love to be alone all
• 41:30
  Speaker 6: the time. I say, yeah, yes. But it's funny though,
• 41:35
  Speaker 6: because Maley's very good at masking and she's very excited
• 41:40
  Speaker 6: to be around other kids. But it's very sort of
• 41:44
  Speaker 6: when you watch her, it's really awkward because she doesn't
• 41:46
  Speaker 6: really know how to interact, but she's so happy to
• 41:50
  Speaker 6: be there, and she's such a bright, beautiful kid that
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: the kids just want her out there. So she and
• 41:55
  Speaker 6: she's learning a lot from she watches people and then
• 41:58
  Speaker 6: does like so having siblings actually because her home is
• 42:03
  Speaker 6: her safe place, right and then I've got Indie and Billy,
• 42:07
  Speaker 6: who no, none of my other children are autistic, so
• 42:11
  Speaker 6: she actually watches their facial expressions and their mannerisms and stuff,
• 42:17
  Speaker 6: and she learns so much from them in her safe space,
• 42:20
  Speaker 6: makes any sense, So then she can go to school
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: and she has sort of a little bit of back
• 42:25
  Speaker 6: experience in how to deal in situations. So giving her
• 42:28
  Speaker 6: siblings was the best totally.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: You can imagine, like you can imagine like an only
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: child going through that and not being able to pick
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: up on other social cures.
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: Social cure cues.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: How often do you currently go to this speechee and
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: the OT.
• 42:43
  Speaker 6: We don't anymore. So we did intensive therapy from three
• 42:48
  Speaker 6: to five, and then she started school at six, and
• 42:52
  Speaker 6: because she's in that support class, they have support teachers
• 42:55
  Speaker 6: who are pretty trained in those areas and to help
• 42:59
  Speaker 6: her along. And then we have the speech pafologers come
• 43:01
  Speaker 6: to the school and do their session at the school.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Crazy, the public school.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: It is, Yeah, that night, I mean, that's crazy, how
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: far like we've come that God, our generation imagine that
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: like seven year old she's in a in a class
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: for extra support, and they've also got an OT and
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: a speech and they.
• 43:20
  Speaker 6: Do like they do mainstream interactions throughout the week where
• 43:24
  Speaker 6: she she'll actually play in the playground with the mainstream
• 43:26
  Speaker 6: kids and have sessions in there. Because our goal will
• 43:31
  Speaker 6: not like as soon like when she's ready, but the
• 43:34
  Speaker 6: goal is to get her, you know, to mainstream if
• 43:36
  Speaker 6: she wants that, Like that's it's all going to be
• 43:38
  Speaker 6: up to her.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: You mentioned before, she's sort of turning into a genius
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: any anything in particular.
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: And do numbers better than I can do.
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 43:48
  Speaker 6: I'm terrible at numbers, though, so anyone can do it.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: It's guilty.
• 43:53
  Speaker 6: Numbers are not my fortee plus seven.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's not like twelve alve I was going.
• 44:00
  Speaker 6: To say thirteen. No, she yeah, so she can multiply
• 44:05
  Speaker 6: subtract time stable in her head.
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just without writing it down.
• 44:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah. She'll sometimes come up to me and be like
• 44:14
  Speaker 6: for eight sixteen.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: And You're like a show off.
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: I'm a really incapable parent right now. But she watches
• 44:23
  Speaker 6: like number blocks and stuff like that, and they're really
• 44:25
  Speaker 6: good shows for her.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: Good luck when she starts high school.
• 44:28
  Speaker 6: She's, yeah, insane, but her dad's like, Shad's like that too.
• 44:33
  Speaker 6: She's pretty brilliant.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: Actually, I need to ask your advice, yes, understartthing, because
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: Ash and I are currently on the cusp of transitioning
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: our kids into kindy away from daycare. As someone who's
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: already experienced that world, what are the hardest parts of
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: starting school?
• 44:51
  Speaker 6: The thing is, my start with Marley was very different
• 44:55
  Speaker 6: to your traditional kickoff to kindy. So I'm doing it
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: to this yeah.
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: To old hands.
• 45:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah, because with the support class. They they got your
• 45:07
  Speaker 6: number and you have like a special like you can
• 45:09
  Speaker 6: contact the teacher.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: So you're like asking your teacher, like, so like.
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: You to go around the rest is good to find
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: out what other kids are up to.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: Can we do that?
• 45:20
  Speaker 6: Topy headed? Yeah, So I feel like I've got a
• 45:25
  Speaker 6: bit of a warped idea how it is. But like honestly,
• 45:29
  Speaker 6: and and in saying that, India is very different to Marley.
• 45:33
  Speaker 6: She's very sensitive. So I feel like I'm going to
• 45:35
  Speaker 6: go through a few rollercoasters with her. She's so ready.
• 45:39
  Speaker 6: She's wearing she wears the uniform to daycare like she's got.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Mally's ord bed.
• 45:43
  Speaker 6: She she actually will the script to bed the other
• 45:45
  Speaker 6: day waiting.
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: For our uniform to turn up for Oscar to never
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: take it off.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be perfect in the morning.
• 45:53
  Speaker 6: But just prepare for them not wanting to go, like
• 45:56
  Speaker 6: because it's it's like you've got to go here now forever.
• 46:00
  Speaker 6: So and they're like, Okay, mine only went two days
• 46:04
  Speaker 6: to kindy, so it's like you've got to see this
• 46:07
  Speaker 6: transition every single day you've got to go here. I
• 46:11
  Speaker 6: would just say walk them in for as long as
• 46:13
  Speaker 6: they need to like you see other parents doing the
• 46:15
  Speaker 6: kiss and drop and all that kind of stuff, but
• 46:17
  Speaker 6: some of them aren't ready for that. Yeah, and you
• 46:19
  Speaker 6: just just go with it, don't have to keep up
• 46:21
  Speaker 6: with the joneses, like if your kid needs you to
• 46:23
  Speaker 6: walk to the door with the lunchbox out for them.
• 46:30
  Speaker 6: Molly's just now doing the kiss and drop and that's
• 46:33
  Speaker 6: amazing for her.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: Like the front game, don't even get out.
• 46:37
  Speaker 6: Of the car.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: Oh what Yeah, yes, that's going to be and they.
• 46:40
  Speaker 6: Go in and like what they do I don't know,
• 46:43
  Speaker 6: And it's that's the that's the scary part, the unknown
• 46:46
  Speaker 6: of Like they're going in there and it's like, you
• 46:48
  Speaker 6: know exactly what these kids do every single day that
• 46:51
  Speaker 6: you know when they're peeing, you know where they're pooing.
• 46:53
  Speaker 6: They're going to this big like red brick building, and
• 46:58
  Speaker 6: you have no idea and you don't find out. You
• 47:00
  Speaker 6: don't get updates the app of daycare. A cute little
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: shot of them they're triangle.
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: Why not?
• 47:09
  Speaker 6: Seriously, Like it's that's the hardest thing is probably you're
• 47:14
  Speaker 6: letting go.
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: You know what I think some people might want to
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: know is the school that you're at. It sounds amazing
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: for Maley. Was that by chance? Was it luck that
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: you found that school and the support networks that they
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: have to deal with a child with autism?
• 47:28
  Speaker 6: Or so there's two schools in our area. We actually
• 47:31
  Speaker 6: moved house to become a casual yeah to this school.
• 47:35
  Speaker 6: I think she would have been considered anyway, because we
• 47:38
  Speaker 6: were going for that specific class and we had to
• 47:42
  Speaker 6: apply for it and everything. But we wanted the other
• 47:43
  Speaker 6: kids to go with them. We want them to go together.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: Oh for sure.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: I do have one last question before we go, and
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: we do ask this to a lot of our guests.
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: I have forgotten a few times, not on this occasion,
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: when your kids are all grown up and they're no
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: longer living at home, what's the one thing you want
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: them to remember about the house they grew up in.
• 48:05
  Speaker 6: Just the fact that they could put stickers on the
• 48:08
  Speaker 6: walls if they wanted to, or they could just decorate
• 48:12
  Speaker 6: their bunk beds with like they can just you know,
• 48:17
  Speaker 6: within reason, it's a home, do you know what I mean?
• 48:20
  Speaker 6: Like there's a thousand toothbrushes, There's like they've got backpacks everywhere,
• 48:25
  Speaker 6: toys everywhere, Like it's clean. It's clean. I'm not a
• 48:33
  Speaker 6: hold on, but like it's just it's so homey, and
• 48:37
  Speaker 6: we've got this big buffhead dog out the back, and
• 48:40
  Speaker 6: like we just go out the back and they just
• 48:42
  Speaker 6: look like.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: It's just home of fun.
• 48:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah it is. It's nice. And we're seconds away from
• 48:45
  Speaker 6: the beach and we all walk down to the beach
• 48:47
  Speaker 6: and just that just that together, nurse, I think, And
• 48:51
  Speaker 6: they do they they love each other. They do. They
• 48:54
  Speaker 6: fight like cats and dogs, but like they don't know
• 48:57
  Speaker 6: any different, Like what they know is like that. And
• 49:00
  Speaker 6: children in the living room, everyone's you know, screened on everywhere,
• 49:04
  Speaker 6: but like there's discipline, but they can still just have fun.
• 49:07
  Speaker 6: They're just like it's just fun.
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: You know, your kids are so lucky to have such
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: an amazing man.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: And we really appreciate you sharing your story the hard times,
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: of course all the good times.
• 49:21
  Speaker 4: So thank you so much for joining us, Thanks.
• 49:22
  Speaker 6: For having me. It's been a boa I love it.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, so much.
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: Sure, this podcasting has actually made me quite hungry, ravishing.
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: And because we have Ames here, who is an absolute
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: specialist in making food with leftovers, I thought we would
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: just quickly do a little video about making I don't
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: know let's say muffins.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: There's nothing I love more than my kids leftovers.
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: Trust me, trust you actually, So, if you'd like to
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: watch a video on us doing our best to make
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: some muffins with aims, head to our social media and
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: you will see some chaos unfolding.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review,
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: leave a five star review, leave a little note that
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: would be great, or join us on socials our Facebook
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: group which is two Doting Dads on Facebook, or our
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Instagram which is also believe it or not, two Doting Dads.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: What should we get our chef's hat on?
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: Yes and get to it.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: Also, if you have any other guests it would like
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: us to speak to, please send them away.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: And lastly, before we go, if any of the.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: Topics from today's episode have struck a chord with you,
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: Matthew and you need some sort of help, we got
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: some links in the show notes that could be really helpful.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: Ash Let's get cooking.
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland.
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: The people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land.