Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / Walking Through Fire: Kamonya's Journey of Faith, Cancer and Healing

Transcript

Walking Through Fire: Kamonya's Journey of Faith, Cancer and Healing · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

0:17
Good morning, good morning. Welcome to Rise and Thrive with
0:20
Doctor JJ Nicole, where we are rising in faith and thriving in
0:25
purpose. Today's episode is entitled
0:29
Walking Through Fire and Not Burning Faith, Friendship in
0:33
Healing after a cancer diagnosis.
0:35
In this powerful episode, I'm going to be joined by cancer
0:39
survivor Kamanya Omatete, and we're going to explore what it
0:42
means to rise and thrive when one of life's most difficult
0:47
diagnosis presents. Kamanya is going to speak from
0:51
the depths of her lived experiences where suffering
0:55
collided with spiritual surrender, and how she's emerged
0:59
not just surviving, but shining. This is a conversation about
1:04
joy, setting boundaries and reclaiming self worth, and
1:08
seeing God even when the road is dark.
1:12
And before we jump in. Let me introduce.
1:14
You all to Kamanya. She's a breast cancer survivor,
1:18
a thriver, A fellow social worker, my soror, and a powerful
1:23
sister in Christ. Diagnosed in 2021, Kamanya has
1:27
not only fought through the storm, she continues to live
1:32
with purpose, grace, and unwavering faith.
1:36
With more than 32 years of experience and social services,
1:40
including 25 in child welfare right here in the DC metro area,
1:46
Kamanya has been a beacon of hope, service, and resilience
1:50
for countless families. She's been married for 23 years
1:55
and is a proud mother of two, one in college and one in high
2:00
school. We gonna get her to college next
2:02
if that's what she. Chooses to do.
2:05
Her journey is a living testimony of how God never left
2:09
her side, and Kamanya is deeply grateful for every step and is
2:13
honored to share her story, one of healing, strength and divine
2:19
faithfulness. Welcome.
2:21
You so much love it. Thank you.
2:24
You're welcome. This is all you.
2:27
This is all you. So thank you for being you.
2:30
Thank you. Thank you for being you.
2:32
All right, come on, you. So I guess we can jump right in.
2:38
Take us back to the moment where you received the diagnosis and
2:44
just what went through your mind on that day.
2:47
Or even if there are events that led up to it, feel free to give
2:50
the background story as well so. I am going to give the
2:54
background story. So my grandmother, my maternal
2:56
grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer in her face but
3:00
lived to 90. So because I knew, I knew that I
3:06
started my mammograms at age 35 because I knew there was a
3:10
chance for family history of getting breast cancer.
3:14
So in 2021, in July, I got my annual mammogram.
3:19
I did not miss COVID in 2020. A lot of people missed.
3:22
I did not miss it. And it was interesting because I
3:27
was moving, helping my in laws move.
3:29
They were moving from Florida to be closer to the family.
3:33
And I said, oh, I didn't receive a letter from my mammogram.
3:38
Usually I because I have dense breast tissue and I usually
3:41
receive a letter saying you're good, you have just breast
3:44
tissue, blah, blah, blah. Got down there, move them up
3:47
here and got a phone call and they said you needed to come
3:52
back in. That didn't bother me because
3:54
I've had that before because I had dense breast.
3:57
Yeah. So I didn't make that
3:59
appointment until 3 weeks later. OK.
4:02
So I went in for that appointment.
4:05
And so at that time, I knew something was wrong because the
4:08
nurse came back in to say, hey, you need to see another nurse.
4:11
I said, OK, So right then I knew.
4:14
I knew him even though I didn't get the diagnosis.
4:17
Then I knew. Yeah.
4:19
And so then I saw another nurse and the radiologist, he said he
4:23
was concerned. And then I came back for a big
4:27
biopsy at the end of August. And I still knew then during the
4:30
biopsy because one of the nurses said I asked her something and
4:34
she said this is a slow growing cancer.
4:38
And I don't think she meant to say that even though I didn't
4:40
have the diagnosis. And then on September 1st, I
4:44
remember the day I was in a meeting and I got the call.
4:48
I didn't answer because I was in a meet.
4:49
I was running the meeting, yeah. And then I got the call from the
4:54
radiologist. I got a call from my OB and I
4:57
got a call from my primary care physician.
4:59
They all left messages, so I knew.
5:02
All three left calls. Back-to-back, right?
5:05
Because they immediately let them know.
5:08
So I knew before I even called back, OK, I was diagnosed with
5:12
cancer. And it's interesting, you know,
5:17
I was a little shook up, but I was not like 100% scared or
5:23
crying because I knew. This is why I go every year.
5:27
Yeah. To get my mammogram every year,
5:30
every July. Yeah, I went to get my
5:32
mammogram. So I called my husband after I
5:35
talked to the doctor and he knew all this along the way, of
5:37
course, talked to him. And when I talked to the doctor,
5:41
actually I was supposed to leave for a conference to go to
5:44
Nashville that day. And she said go.
5:49
She said go. We I had to have a breast MRI
5:53
and she said it's going to probably take a week before you
5:54
get in. And so I went.
5:57
I love that she encouraged you to not put your life on pause.
6:00
Absolutely, because I would have been sitting stressing, not
6:04
knowing. So I went to my conference.
6:07
I didn't tell anyone my team that I was with, that I was just
6:11
diagnosed. I went on the conference and
6:14
really had such a great time with the people I was with.
6:20
And it was people who, it was from juvenile court, I'm in
6:22
social, you know, and child welfare.
6:24
So it was a whole different team that I was not really familiar
6:27
with. Some judges, some probation
6:29
people and really had a good time in the conference and just
6:33
hanging with them. And I actually told them after I
6:37
went through treatment what happened and what a blessing
6:40
they were. They didn't know what was going
6:42
on. And this is something else I'll
6:44
talk about is about how you talk and treat people because you
6:48
don't know what's going on and you don't know what's going
6:50
through. And at that time, just their
6:55
regular compassion and time they spent with me for work was such
7:01
a blessing for that time during a difficult time that they did
7:04
not know I was going through. Yeah, yeah.
7:07
So in the time I'm, you know, and so we did not tell anyone
7:11
about my diagnosis for about 3 weeks because I needed to meet
7:14
with the breast surgeon so I could get all the information
7:17
because everybody was going to ask me what's the diagnosis,
7:21
what you're going to do, blah, blah, blah, you know,
7:22
everything. And so until I got all the
7:24
information, then we told the kids, we told our families 1st
7:29
and then we told other people and I, and to be honest, again,
7:34
I had to comfort other people through this situation because
7:40
when people hear cancer, the first thing they think of is
7:43
death. And I was like, I'm still here.
7:48
I'm still here and I am still living.
7:51
And that is definitely because of my walk with the Lord.
7:55
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
7:59
So, sis, what did you do from the time in July until that time
8:04
in, I guess September when it was confirmed?
8:08
Like what was your, your conversations with God, like
8:11
your prayer life, just like your home, Like, like all of that,
8:16
right? Like that.
8:16
It seems like that would have been a lot for you and your
8:18
husband to keep to yourselves. Yeah, so when I went back for
8:24
the second one was August, so a little bit shorter time, but it
8:27
was still about 3 weeks. You know, just continue to pray.
8:30
And what I had was my grandmother, I said, not even
8:34
knowing if it was a diagnosis or not.
8:40
But even I said even if I had breast cancer, my grandmother
8:43
lived another 40 years and was hardly not even sick.
8:47
She took cod liver oil every day and calcium she did not have.
8:51
My reminder to give my car level oil back up.
8:54
I can only see the capsules 'cause that oil take a.
8:57
Different I know, different. I know she didn't have diabetes,
9:00
she didn't have any other health ailments.
9:04
So I knew that if she could make it and if I had it, I know I
9:09
could. And again, it was with the Lord
9:11
and through the journey He prepared, I believe He prepared
9:15
me through this breast cancer journey.
9:19
OK, tell me more. I just feel like you just left.
9:21
You hit me with a like a good alley oop and I'm gonna just
9:24
roll with it. Like tell me more about this
9:26
preparation and what you believe you were being prepared for.
9:29
So I do want to tell you. So once I found out what the
9:33
treatment was, caught it early, it was a small mass.
9:38
I had the choice of a mastectomy or a lumpectomy and learning
9:43
about breast cancer is not all the same.
9:45
I did not know that prior. I thought depending on what
9:48
stage you had either, you could get a mastectomy.
9:51
Lumpectomy. Did you have to do chemo?
9:54
I still had to do chemo and radiation even though I chose a
9:57
lumpectomy and so I chose that after getting more information.
10:02
I had the bracha gene test to make sure I didn't have that
10:06
because if I did have it, I would have got a full
10:07
mastectomy. But I decided a lumpectomy and
10:10
along with the lumpectomy, I was able to get a breast.
10:12
I always laugh. I was like, that was the best
10:14
news I had. But wait, just in case, I know
10:19
that's where I got that free, that free lift.
10:22
Just in case anyone watching or listening doesn't know what a
10:25
mastectomy or a lumpectomy is. Could you break that down
10:28
simply? Sure, A mastectomy is where they
10:31
take out all of your breast tissue and your breasts and your
10:35
nipple. They really take your breasts
10:38
and if you have enough skin they may can use your skin to.
10:43
If you would want to have a reconstruction of breasts, they
10:47
can use it. There's some women who would
10:48
rather go flats and I'm not mad at them.
10:52
So they they're just going to take your breasts and that's it.
10:54
But you can have reconstruction so you can have breasts and they
10:58
would use, it's just like getting enlarged breasts.
11:02
If people want to get it, they'll use like.
11:04
Augmentation. Yeah, augmentation and they can
11:06
use your skin from your breasts if you have enough and if not,
11:09
they can take some of you get a tummy tucks from your stomach or
11:12
your legs. And so but a lumpectomy is where
11:15
they just go in and take the mass out and tissue around it.
11:20
And they took some lymph nodes from me also just to make sure
11:23
that it had not spread, which it had not.
11:26
And so so I chose the lumpectomy and I chose that also because I
11:31
was going to have to have chemo anyway.
11:33
And that's what I learned. There was different breast
11:35
cancers. And so I am triple positive.
11:38
I have invasive ductal. I did have invasive ductal
11:42
carcinoma and I'm triple positive.
11:45
So that's positive for estrogen, progesterone.
11:48
So the hormones feed my. OK.
11:52
It fed my breast cancer and then I was her 2 positive, which
11:56
makes it a little bit more invasive and more back in the
12:00
day because they have great treatment now where that if you
12:04
don't continue with chemo for a bit that it could come back more
12:10
aggressively. So it's more aggressive form or
12:12
breast cancer. But I did that.
12:14
So I was going to have to do chemo.
12:15
I did chemo for a year and then I did radiation in between that
12:21
time for 16 days daily, 16 days, Monday through Friday.
12:26
And so once I found out, I was like, I'm still gonna have to
12:28
have chemo even if I had a mastectomy.
12:31
I was like, I'm not doing all that.
12:33
That's a, that's a lot. And I didn't need to because it
12:35
was a small mass. Yeah.
12:37
And it's a smaller percentage that I will not get it back.
12:41
I had a 99% of not getting a living, if you want to say, and
12:47
it's a little higher percentage having a lumpectomy that it
12:50
could come back. If I if I had a mastectomy, it
12:53
would have been you still have a percentage that it could come
12:55
back, but it's a smaller percentage.
12:57
So, but I'm on medication for five years afterwards to make
13:01
sure that my estrogen is really a estrogen blocker because
13:06
hormones fed my breast cancer. But let me go back to the
13:10
original question. I'm sorry.
13:11
That was that was so good. Do not apologize like that.
13:14
That was such good. And I just feel like I learned
13:16
so much too because like you, I thought that is just breast
13:19
cancer, right? Like and I've heard her too
13:21
positive. Like I could hear like the a
13:24
commercial from TV, like one of the investigations.
13:28
And I was like, why is that in my head?
13:30
But I didn't. I didn't even know.
13:32
Right. So thank you.
13:33
So this has already been super informative just in general and
13:36
learning. Right, so, so when they told me
13:40
that I was going to have chemo for a year, I think I cried then
13:45
because I was like, I cannot not be around people for a year.
13:51
And this is my breast surgeon. But right after that
13:54
appointment, I had an appointment with the oncologist
13:56
literally right after I had to just walk down the hospital and
13:59
go. And she explained that I was
14:02
going to have chemo and it's Paxil, Taxol for 12 weeks, once
14:07
a week. And that's the chemo that I lost
14:11
my hair, that I was going to be more tired, that I really
14:15
couldn't be around a lot of people because my immune system
14:18
was going to drop. The second chemo I was on and I
14:21
did it concurrently, but it was once every three weeks was to
14:25
Herceptin for the her two positive.
14:28
That was for a year. But that chemo, and I use the
14:31
term when people say it, I was like, that's a lesser chemo.
14:35
I did that for 1/2 an hour. And once I finished the major
14:39
chemo, the paxiltaxil for 12 weeks, when I did the once every
14:42
three weeks, I went back to work.
14:44
I was it was fine. And to me I was like, that's
14:46
just a breeze. So the key, so the chemo that
14:49
was really where I needed to protect my immune system more
14:54
was for 12 weeks. And I did that from December
14:57
through the end of February, once a week.
14:59
OK, but how God prepared me. So, you know, everybody knows
15:04
Kelly. Yeah, put her out there.
15:09
So I started training with her 2018 because I needed to get in
15:14
shape. That's where the mom came from.
15:17
That's what it's. OK, from so I for a year,
15:22
probably about 15 months, I worked with her twice a week and
15:25
I lost 20 lbs. I gained muscles and so I worked
15:29
with her for 15 months and then I moved to my another trainer
15:33
because my husband went to Kelly.
15:34
So we had to kind of do different because of the kids
15:37
and different things like that. And so I went to another trainer
15:40
at my job and continue, I still continue having a personal
15:43
training for two days a week. So at the time when I was
15:46
working with Kelly, I said I am preparing myself to be a hot
15:49
Mama at 50. Yes.
15:50
Ma'am, about 50, right? But then during the year I was
15:57
turning 50 because I was 49 and turning 50 on 2-3 months.
16:04
It was three months later after I was diagnosed.
16:07
I was again, I was diagnosed. But the workouts helped prepare
16:12
me to go through chemo, right. Those workouts help me to, for
16:22
me, I believe not be as sick for chemo.
16:26
Those workouts help me to work out during chemo.
16:29
Those workouts help me to work during chemo.
16:33
I was still working. I just work from home.
16:36
Yeah. And to still live my life with
16:42
some protection. Don't get me wrong with some
16:44
protection to continue on because I was still living.
16:52
Yeah. I was I was still living so
16:55
treatment isn't is not easy. I would have treatment on
16:59
Wednesdays and they said the doc Everyone told me it would take a
17:04
couple days before it would take hold and then by Friday night I
17:08
was tired. By Saturday I was in the bed on
17:12
the couch. Sunday I was still on the couch
17:15
but I was getting better. Monday I was up.
17:16
Tuesday I was back working out. Wow.
17:20
Yeah. So and not working out to the
17:22
same extent, but working out and I was, yes.
17:26
And I was working out with someone closer to my home and
17:28
their home. So I wasn't working out with my
17:31
other trainer. I was working out with someone
17:32
closer to my home twice a week. That's so powerful and inspiring
17:36
because there's a lot of people just be emotional and like
17:42
mental impact would have taken them out and they would have
17:46
just been on the couch for however long.
17:49
So talk to me a little bit like about that, what your mental and
17:54
emotional like experience was like going through this.
17:59
So of course, anyone who goes through a life changing moment,
18:05
no matter what it is, sometimes I did say, why me, right?
18:12
Like, can I do this? What about my children and my
18:17
husband and my family, Right, right.
18:20
I want to be there for them, right?
18:24
And but God, right? Yes, my God.
18:27
And I'm just so thankful that I know who I am and who's I am.
18:33
Come on, you know, and so one of the verses, you know, I'm just
18:40
so thankful for the lessons that we're going through, you know,
18:43
at church right now, too. But you know, Exodus 14 again
18:48
and 13 and 14, you know, those verses just teaches us that
18:55
God's grace is enough, even through our problems.
19:00
Yeah, I had. That up so that the audience can
19:03
get that same that gym, because that's their fourteen.
19:07
I thought it was 14 and 14 for me, but it's 13 and 14.
19:10
And 14 right. And so that when we are weak and
19:17
vulnerable and struggling, he is there to help carry us through.
19:24
And we have to have the mindset that, yes, we are going through
19:28
the storm. We are going through the valley
19:31
of the shadow of death. We are going through it.
19:34
But I am going to see this other.
19:36
I'm going to see be on the other side of this.
19:39
We are not promised that we're not going to go through certain
19:42
things. But for me, it's always about,
19:47
and this is what I talked to my staff about and other people was
19:50
the lessons we learned through it and knowing how we're going
19:53
to get through it right? And so, but it's really just
19:57
trusting in God's power that I was going to get through this.
20:03
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
20:06
And you know, God, he just does stuff like that.
20:09
So we think it's disconnected or we think it's a choice that we
20:13
made. And we're not even really we, we
20:18
have no idea. We just really and truly have no
20:21
idea. And in a previous episode 1 of
20:24
Soror, she was on, she's also my fans.
20:27
She talked about spiritual compost, right?
20:29
Like all these things are happening and it's all related.
20:34
Like you said, he ever started preparing your body.
20:37
He had already kind of like prepared your mind and giving
20:40
you an actual example of a living person.
20:43
That's hope because he knows how your brain works.
20:46
Knew you were going to need that to give you hope is what I think
20:50
right. And so you, like you said, she
20:53
lived 40 additional years, but then you know that I think a
21:00
normal, a healthy questioning took place like why me?
21:05
But then you were able to ground yourself and go back into the
21:09
scripture. Exodus 13 and 14 like you only
21:13
got to be still. God will fight for you.
21:15
And I heard Psalms 23 in there right like that.
21:19
He really does take care of us. And there's so many other
21:23
scriptures and even in like in Psalms too, right?
21:26
Like you have Psalms 34 about the Lord being close to the
21:30
broken hearted and then like he saves those who are crushed in
21:33
spirit. And this is a diagnosis that can
21:37
leave people feeling broken hearted that can crush their
21:40
spirit. And so you didn't stay there.
21:43
You were on the God about your feelings and He was there for
21:48
you. Yes, yeah.
21:50
And God put people around me. So one of my good friends and an
21:56
old coworker, and I have to shout her out.
21:58
Jen, who was diagnosed, who was diagnosed a year before me now,
22:04
she put it out on Facebook and everything.
22:07
Like she told her whole story on Facebook.
22:09
I was like, I'm not doing all that.
22:10
Yeah. It's a lot but but she did it
22:13
because that helped her. But when I called her because
22:18
she went through now different type of breast cancer, but she
22:22
went through it, she was able to give me some tips to get through
22:26
chemo like the ice packs on your hands and feet.
22:31
You know, she sent me this beautiful blanket and different
22:35
things just to get me through a book so you could remember
22:39
everything because people ask you so many questions.
22:41
Even if you have my chart, I was able to write everything down
22:44
the doctor because when they tell you, they give you so much
22:46
information. And so and then I met other
22:49
women. My neighbor had someone to for
22:52
people to check in on me. And so when you're surrounded by
22:55
yourself for women who have gone through it and and that's how
22:58
people then you want to be around people who have gone
23:00
through it who could give me different advice, even though it
23:03
may not be exactly the same, was so helpful during that time.
23:08
Also what our family, friends, church people did while I was
23:13
going through. We had people the dorches and
23:16
I'm shout them out to every week could as dinner for the family
23:20
every week drove 45 minutes to bring us dinner for the family
23:26
for the especially the 12 weeks where I was going through if you
23:29
want to say the hard chemo. Yeah, every week, Marlene and
23:32
Lou. Yep.
23:33
Yes. Yep another another friend got
23:37
together with some other people and they sent us dinner every
23:40
week for that had you know, and I don't I can't I'm not gonna
23:44
remember, but sister Gwen made me some beautiful soup that I
23:47
had for the entire time and I felt that soup really like I
23:51
could feel it working and she's. Been doing them suits.
23:54
When does have you had her squash soup?
23:57
No, I have not had the squash. Soup.
23:59
You brought it to book club one time.
24:00
I said, oh, this is a thing. Yes, it was so good.
24:04
Yeah, so and people visiting prior to, you know, prior to me
24:08
doing chemo, calling, texting, you know, my family, everyone,
24:14
my good friends, it was so many people who were there to support
24:20
in any kind of way. And, you know, and there was a
24:24
few people I thought might have done more or called me more.
24:28
And I asked one of my friends, I said, wait a minute.
24:30
I heard from you. And it was difficult for her
24:35
because she had other family members who were lost their, you
24:39
know, battle with cancer. So it's difficult.
24:41
And so, you know, I wasn't judging anyone who may not have
24:46
reached out because I don't know what their story is, you know,
24:51
and I get people are busy. So I wasn't upset or anything
24:57
when people didn't reach out because I know it's hard.
25:00
And it was hard for people to call me.
25:02
It's so funny when people call, they're like.
25:04
You can hear my chips going. Yeah.
25:05
And I was like, hey, what's going on?
25:07
What what you doing? Right.
25:09
They were like, OK, I was like. You said girl, I am still alive.
25:14
Talk to me as such. Am alive really.
25:17
And that's how people were calling me.
25:18
I was like, look, I am blessed to be here.
25:22
Blessed like my person I used to help who I was for power
25:26
attorney. She's like, blessed by the best
25:28
and nothing less. And we called her Granny.
25:30
And yeah, so I, you know, I was like, you don't have to do that.
25:34
You could talk to me like you regularly talk to me.
25:38
Love how the different communities that you were in
25:42
really just showed up for you and even sometimes people that
25:45
you didn't expect, right? And I could see how that could
25:50
not go dry, you know, put a little pause in you, like you
25:53
said when your friend that you thought for sure would be there.
25:55
And you're like, girl, hello. Right.
25:59
Where you at right? Like that's, that's difficult,
26:02
right? Like I didn't have breast
26:03
cancer, obviously I've not had any type of cancer, but I had a
26:06
major surgery that I was down 6 to 8 weeks and I had a similar
26:10
situation where I was like, hello, like how are you?
26:16
And had to have like a difficult conversation with her about it.
26:20
And and that's really, really tough and obviously friends,
26:24
you're not friends with people because they'll do what you
26:27
would do right? But you're friends with people
26:29
because they've shown you something about like their
26:32
character, their consistency. So like, when you don't get
26:36
that, that could just be difficult.
26:38
So how were y'all able to work through that?
26:43
To be honest, I didn't, it wasn't negative to me because
26:48
I'm glad that she shared what was going on, you know, and
26:52
again, people have their own lives, you know, and, and I
26:59
didn't have time to focus on that.
27:01
And that probably is what helped me.
27:04
I didn't have time. What I was focusing on was my
27:07
health, my family, and again, living, just living.
27:14
And I just go back to 2nd Corinthians 12/9 through 10.
27:19
But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you.
27:21
My power is made perfect in weakness, You know.
27:25
Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses
27:29
so that Christ's power may rest on me.
27:32
That's what I was focused on. I can't focus on what people are
27:37
doing or not doing for. And my husband can tell you that
27:41
my goal was to get healthy. Yeah.
27:45
And I love that because that's how the enemy could get in your
27:49
head, right. Have you stuck on the YB?
27:52
Where are they such a social care and then you lose sight of
27:55
who was the gratitude is another thing that I'm hearing like kept
28:00
you grounded and you're like, and I need to focus on higher
28:03
things. The things that are lovely right
28:06
like this. Also in the Bible.
28:07
There's so many good rich scriptures that I think really
28:11
support us going through those hard times if we are really
28:15
willing to turn to God, like he's really and truly comfort
28:20
us. So were there any other lessons
28:24
maybe that you learned about releasing relationships that
28:28
didn't reciprocate? And releasing doesn't have to
28:30
mean like ending as much as like maybe releasing whatever
28:34
negativity may have come up, just allowing that to move
28:36
through. Right.
28:38
So, you know, going through this, I realized that, right,
28:43
not just going through this and you can't really sweat the small
28:46
stuff. You hear that you've really, I
28:49
can't focus on negativity. I can't focus on what someone
28:55
said or not said or anything like that.
28:58
You know, at times we all do that, right?
29:00
I need to move forward with forgiveness.
29:03
And I can tell you, you know, not as much now, but my family
29:07
and and me too, you know, forgiveness, don't you know,
29:10
coming back to me 30 years later, I can't help you.
29:14
I can't help you just moving forward past that.
29:20
And, and I have a husband who always makes sure we are moving
29:25
forward regarding what's important in our lives.
29:31
And so the lessons regarding toxicity and just letting go has
29:38
been such a healing. It's been so healing for me
29:41
because again, I got a whole lot of other things I want to focus
29:44
on and that is me living because we are not promised the next
29:47
minute. It's so funny because I'm like,
29:49
you know, any of us anytime may not wake up and just to be
29:55
thankful to open my eyes every morning I am and people say may
29:59
say that's a cliche. I am.
30:03
I am just very thankful and grateful even through it and
30:08
throughout the time time I was going through treatment and this
30:11
is what I told people. I am thankful and grateful even
30:14
going through this journey, this cancer journey because I had a
30:22
lot, a lot. I had insurance, right?
30:26
I got to choose where I had my treatment and I did it at Sibley
30:29
Hospital Johns Hopkins, which was Absolutely Fabulous.
30:32
I could definitely give them a shout out.
30:35
They treated me so well. I was still able to work out.
30:40
I was still able to work from home.
30:42
People didn't even know something.
30:44
My team knew that I was going through this and I I'm a
30:48
manager. I have 45 people under me and
30:51
other team. They all knew I was going
30:54
through this, but there were some people who didn't, that I
30:56
had a great wig because my hair was longer.
31:00
They didn't know. They didn't know until black.
31:03
Women, we'd be changing our hair all the time.
31:05
Right. Maybe one of them.
31:07
Right. And they did.
31:08
And they didn't know until I got back into the office until I
31:11
told people because I didn't want that to be a distraction on
31:14
our meetings. Yeah, I was just home for six
31:16
months. I just didn't go into the office
31:18
and I was still able to grocery shop.
31:20
I just did it 6 O clock in the morning when nobody was there.
31:23
Yeah, yeah, you. Know I was still able to get
31:25
out, I was still able to take walks, I was still able to do,
31:28
you know, things that I needed to do and so I say that is that
31:32
again, I'm thankful and grateful for the journey and not to focus
31:38
on negativity. The way that that would have
31:42
drained your energy and impacted your healing.
31:45
Like, you know, there's different studies and I don't
31:46
have anything in front of me to quote about just how important
31:49
mindset is when people are faced with like very serious
31:54
illnesses. And it sounds like you had, you
31:57
know, you had a mindset that was like, you know, then you use the
32:02
power of your words because like when we speak things, we're
32:05
giving the instructions to our brain.
32:07
Like, I don't think people really understand what they say
32:11
and then how that shapes their reality.
32:13
Like, of course, you know, there's all those people think
32:16
it's a cliche, but you are a living testimony.
32:21
The like it's that what you say 100% matters.
32:28
It is and it's so funny because one of the mottos we use at work
32:33
when we work with, we were, you know, in child welfare, working
32:36
families who are struggling and may have cause abuse and neglect
32:40
towards their children. But no matter why we are working
32:45
with their children, the the motto we use is every
32:50
interaction is an intervention. And so and so I use that not
32:59
only at work, but in my life because again, you don't know
33:04
what people are going through and you don't.
33:07
And it's how you say things, what you say, what you say, how
33:13
we we talk about, how do we talk about people?
33:18
We need to talk for our clients. We need to talk about them as
33:23
they're in the room. Yes, right.
33:26
And so that's something that we've all been, you know,
33:30
continually work on. And and so if we look at every
33:37
interaction as an intervention, what we say is powerful.
33:41
Now everybody's not going to take it, I get it.
33:43
But how do we come across to each other?
33:49
What are how are we uplifting each other, right.
33:53
And So what I've been doing lately, now, I always like this,
33:59
you know, to make sure I am saying positive things about my
34:03
friends, my brothers and sisters, my family, that that.
34:07
And don't get me wrong, there's sometimes you like that person,
34:09
you know, they little trifling, a little bit of whatever.
34:12
I ain't. I ain't gonna say I don't say
34:13
that. You know I'm.
34:15
Gonna say that sometimes it is what it is like going on.
34:18
That was like decision, right? But just to be negative or talk
34:23
about people, I'm not doing that and I have changed my mindset
34:27
about that. I need not to say nothing and.
34:30
That also takes away from your energy to put out this negative
34:34
thing because what we put out, it comes back to us, right?
34:39
Yeah, absolutely. And so I appreciate again, every
34:44
interaction is an intervention and there is one of my
34:50
colleagues said this and I've always taken this when she
34:52
retired. You know it, it doesn't hurt to
34:56
be kind to people. It doesn't.
34:58
It's difference between niceness and kindness because you people
35:01
use it interchangeably, but being kind is really about a
35:07
general concern and compassion for that person, right?
35:12
And you think that especially if you have a relationship with
35:16
that person, you would, you know, kindness will come out,
35:20
but it doesn't come out. People know when you're real and
35:23
not when you're real or whatever.
35:25
And so again, through not only through this journey and through
35:29
growing in Christ, kindness don't cost the thing.
35:35
And it benefits you because to say something nice means you
35:41
have to shift into a different energy.
35:43
And so think shifting your own energy if for some reason you're
35:47
not in a positive energy. So you're absolutely right.
35:51
And a lot of people, they don't, they're not, I think they take
35:56
for granted the impact that they can have.
35:58
They don't think that their words matter or they just aren't
36:01
tapped in into the intentionality that can come
36:05
from that and what it can do for them, what it can do for others.
36:09
Like you don't have to be rich to invest in a person, right?
36:15
Your words are an investment. Right.
36:18
So to say, all of that is that, right?
36:20
So being negative causes sickness.
36:26
Come on, you know, being negative and you know, we got
36:30
negative people all around. You got it at work, you got at
36:32
home, you got it to church, you got it at what you wherever, in
36:35
every environment. There are people, there is
36:37
negative. Right.
36:38
You have negativity, right? But you're right, I'm not trying
36:42
to take that negativity on me, right?
36:44
Because one, my immune system is lower than most people find I
36:48
mentally I can't. I don't want that.
36:51
I don't want that at all, right? And because you're negative,
36:55
don't bring that on me. Keep that to yourself.
36:58
But hopefully you would see something in the Lord that
37:02
you're here. We all have struggles, we all
37:06
have troubles, right? And that, but there is a way to
37:12
see the light. It may not come out the way we
37:15
wanted to or when we wanted to. I know that's for a fact, but
37:20
there's something greater God, Jesus the Lord that we can hold
37:25
on to. So, you know, another scripture
37:29
that I had was counting all joy, James 1/2 through three and
37:34
just, you know, counting all joy or consider, consider pure joy,
37:38
depending on what version you use.
37:40
My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many
37:43
kinds because you know that testing your faith produces
37:47
perseverance, and then verse 12, blessed is the one who
37:51
perseveres under trial. Having stood the test, that
37:54
person will receive the crown of life that the Lord had promised
37:57
to those who love them. We all are going to go through
38:01
tests and we're all going to go through trials, but it's how
38:03
you're going to get through those trials and those tests to
38:07
the other side. Bible study.
38:09
This feels so good. Yeah.
38:12
Yeah, so you know, so again, this breast cancer journey is 1
38:18
blip in my life, right? And we're going to have
38:22
continued blips in my life, you know, in our lives.
38:25
And so, but again, just being thankful and grateful through
38:29
the journey that I am still here.
38:32
Period. Yes, thank you.
38:34
Yes, I'm glad you're here. I am so glad you're here.
38:37
So were there any emotional wounds or anything that kind of
38:41
came up for you while you were going through this process that
38:44
it forced you to address? So not, that's not necessarily,
38:50
I mean, again, when I, I had to come to the, you know, when you
38:53
think about, OK, somebody didn't call you or whatever, some of
38:56
your friends or some of the people that you may not have
38:59
been there. Don't get me wrong, I did say I
39:01
had to, I definitely had to focus to make sure I was taking
39:04
care of myself. But you think about like, why
39:06
are they not reaching out and you think about, you know,
39:08
abandonment issues, right? And so, but again, I had to
39:13
continue to study and to because I since I was home and I had
39:17
more time instead of running around doing one, I'm always
39:20
running around. I had time to really reflect on
39:23
the Lord's word regarding again, that people are come to you at
39:30
certain times of your life, right?
39:31
And not that that they may not be gone, but there's different
39:35
phases. We are not the same person and
39:39
when we started, thank God about the same person when I got
39:41
baptized, You know, you are ever growing, right?
39:44
And so it's been a growth period for me through this, right?
39:49
And just about relationships, because I do give a lot in
39:53
relationships and for the people who are close.
39:56
So I'm a woo if you do the five shreds, I am a woo.
40:01
I'm a woo and I never meet a stranger.
40:05
Right. And so, but I'm also a relater
40:09
where I have people, I'm just close.
40:11
I have a close knit group close to me.
40:15
So it's so interesting that it was kind of opposite.
40:18
And I love to meet people and talk with people.
40:20
And what people say is I keep in touch with people.
40:23
Like if my colleagues move or whatever, it may not be every
40:26
month or whatever, but I'm always reaching out.
40:28
And sometimes you expect the same people, the people to do
40:31
the same thing you and they don't.
40:32
And so that's something that for me it's still so you know, a
40:36
continued growth that everybody going to do like you do come on
40:42
you. Yeah.
40:43
And that also speaks to it, that it's a strength of yours.
40:46
And sometimes what we do organically and naturally, what
40:48
we think is so simple. It's really a superpower.
40:51
And it would take everything for a person to even attempt to
40:54
manage that or even think in that way or it doesn't even
40:59
occur to them because that's not a gift that they have.
41:04
And we want to, we do like sometimes how we treat people is
41:09
how we want to be treated. And that is Bible, right?
41:12
Treat others how you want to be treated, the golden Rule.
41:14
So or love others as you love yourself, right?
41:17
So, yeah, that's it's, it could be tough though.
41:20
It could be tough. It is, but I'm still, I'm still
41:23
gonna do me. And that is, again, to be kind
41:27
to reach out to uplift other people.
41:32
And you know, I definitely be promoting people's businesses
41:36
that I'm close with. I'm gonna make sure you know,
41:37
And so I'm just gonna I'm gonna be me.
41:41
It is what it. Is yeah, it's hard not to be
41:44
you, right? Like it takes more energy, I
41:46
think, to shut down those parts of you that are the like the
41:51
things that others cherish, right?
41:54
It takes a lot of work to work against that.
41:57
And I've had to do that. I tried to shut it down in
42:00
certain circumstances and it just, it was not a good look.
42:04
My, my colleagues could see it, my family could see it.
42:09
And then I had to come to like, no, there's some things I'm
42:13
great at and I'm and I am going to show it and I'm not going to
42:16
make any excuses or try to hide it for someone else.
42:19
And I've done that before. And I think that this is a great
42:22
time to talk about boundaries, right?
42:25
Because boundaries are important to be able to like, maintain
42:30
those relationships. Were there any lessons that you
42:32
learned about boundaries, right? Because sometimes we think
42:35
shutting it down is a boundary one, really.
42:37
No shutting it down. Down shutting it down, right?
42:39
How do you still be authentic but also know that this person
42:46
doesn't have full access or they've done something that let
42:49
you know? There needs to be a little layer
42:54
of distance, a boundary of velvet rope in between the two
42:57
of you. But like you can always reach
42:58
over it. Yeah, so I'm going to tell you
43:01
this lesson for toxic toxicity has been has been fantastic for
43:07
me. And yes.
43:08
And so I knew I needed to put up boundaries in certain areas in
43:15
my life. And so it's been easier to do
43:19
not that again, that I'm not going to not be kind or but I
43:28
need to make sure that I'm protecting my spirit.
43:31
Yes, and and I need to do that if you want to say at all costs,
43:37
why would I let issues or people come into my spirit to change my
43:45
spirit and who I am for the negative, right.
43:49
So it's not good when things are put upon you and your outlook is
43:58
different and it's not who you are.
44:01
Not that everything is rosy or anything like that, but it's
44:04
not. And so I've done, I've, I'm
44:07
doing that in certain areas and in certain areas, learning to
44:11
say no certain areas, yes. And so, yeah, yeah.
44:16
So. No be no unless you're yes.
44:18
Be yes. Yeah, so I'm definitely do that.
44:21
But I also want to make sure that, you know, people say, and
44:25
my kids say to you, you do too much.
44:28
But my gift is my gift is helping others.
44:33
And some of that I enjoy doing. I don't know what I would, you
44:38
know, do No matter if I'm working or volunteering
44:41
somewhere, this is what I enjoy doing, helping others, and I am
44:47
going to continue to do that. So how do you do that without it
44:51
going too far, really being too much, and it becoming burnout?
44:56
So again, for some things, if I need to say no, if I'm not
44:59
enjoying it, then I need to say no, OK, I need to be like,
45:03
absolutely not. Because there's times you do
45:05
stuff and you may not fully enjoy it or that may not be
45:10
you're it and, and saying no. And I have done that and there's
45:14
some things I've had to put on the back.
45:17
Oh, I need to be a sorority meeting more, you know, that's
45:23
one thing. But right now I'm doing other
45:25
things, you know, And so if something if Girl Scouts, that's
45:30
important to me because I get to spend more time with my
45:32
daughter. So for me to be part of that and
45:34
volunteer, I love doing that because I'm spending more time
45:37
with Orde and so and when she graduates from that, then
45:41
that'll be on the back burner and I could pick something else
45:43
up, so. Yep, they're seasons for
45:46
everything. Yeah, there are seasons for
45:47
everything. Yeah.
45:49
So what were some of the faith practices?
45:51
Obviously prayer, but what were some other faith practices that
45:55
really helped to keep you anchored throughout your
45:58
journey? So, you know, thankful for COVID
46:01
staying connected with the church, even if it was virtual.
46:04
So that was good. I've had people, you know,
46:07
praying with me regularly during the time reading.
46:12
I had more time to and I did work and my job is really more
46:17
than a 40 hour a week job. But when I was working, it was
46:19
40 hours a week. I would get off, turn it off.
46:22
I had people covering for me. Yeah.
46:24
I wasn't doing all the extras, I just did my 8 hours and so I had
46:30
more time to read and study and again pray.
46:35
But I did have people coming to pray virtually and there was a
46:39
few people who came to the house and everybody wore masks and
46:41
everything and to pray for me. So yeah.
46:44
Yeah, and that's another layer. So you have this diagnosis, you
46:49
got diagnosed during go. What I'm trying to think, you
46:54
know, that COVID is like all a blur.
46:56
So I'm trying to think what was happening in July 2021.
47:00
So we're a year past George Floyd.
47:02
What else was going on at that time?
47:10
We had just during 2021. The new president was Biden man
47:18
during that time but for COVID, I've gotten COVID 4 times, four
47:24
times. What?
47:25
I had it first and I just got it in November.
47:28
Yeah, I had it four times. Yeah, I didn't get it until
47:31
after I was diagnosed. And then I went back to the
47:33
office and I wore my mask. I, I guess I came in contact
47:38
with someone who had COVID and I was able to take the medication
47:41
would help, but it definitely took a while for me to get my
47:45
energy back and then I got it again.
47:48
And then it didn't take as long. The 4th time I really was like a
47:52
quick cold, but I was on the packs a little bit each and
47:55
every time, which was very helpful because my immune system
47:58
is lower and I still wear masks like on planes or other areas of
48:03
different things like that. And so, yeah, so it was a
48:07
challenge. I was able because COVID was
48:09
over already over a year. Mogi was able to come into the
48:14
chemo room with me. We had our own room.
48:17
I know my friend Jen, you could, you know, other people couldn't
48:20
come in because she got it in 2020.
48:23
So it was great time so. Yeah.
48:26
Yeah. So anyway, but I'm here just
48:31
very, again, a very thankful, I'm just thankful that I can
48:34
share what I know with other women because I have talked to
48:38
other people, not just with breast cancer, but just with
48:41
cancer, depending on what medication they're on because
48:44
it's similar things. And give them encouragement,
48:47
send them things that could be hopeful men and women and just
48:52
be a bright light for someone else, as Jen and other women
48:57
were to me. Yes, I love that you're not just
49:00
keeping it for yourself and that you're passing it on and shining
49:03
your light. How did God show up for you in
49:06
some unexpected ways during this time?
49:13
Think it was through, to be honest, is my spirit.
49:16
Because I didn't expect again, when you hear a diagnosis of
49:21
cancer, it's like, what was me? Would I be smiling?
49:25
I mean, I generally don't. Honestly, with smiling, like the
49:30
picture you saw me with no hair. Yeah.
49:35
Yeah, I generally was smiling. Now, when I got my hair cut, I
49:40
cried. Some tears were coming, but I
49:43
generally was smiling. First of all, I was like, like a
49:45
rock, a ball head. It's affirming.
49:48
Yeah. But I generally was smiling
49:52
because I was thankful for being there.
49:55
I got my hair cut four weeks after I started chemo, cut it
49:58
off. And and so the way he showed up
50:03
for me was I really believe through my spirit that it was
50:07
not. And it wasn't fake.
50:09
It wasn't me trying to be strong because people probably thought
50:12
that. It.
50:13
Wasn't it generally was of joy and peace?
50:18
My blood pressure throughout the whole time was not even high.
50:22
They were surprised because they take your blood pressure every
50:24
time you go. And then when I had other
50:27
appointments, was never high because I had that peace and I
50:31
had that joy. God, listen, and that that
50:36
peace, what peace beyond. Understanding.
50:39
Yeah, right. So really.
50:41
And when I went to get my chemo and I had my wig and it looked
50:45
better than but I had my wig good.
50:49
I was not going in looking like a chemo piece.
50:54
I was not going in and I got my wig like it was like I had to
50:57
cut my hair four weeks after I started.
50:59
And they told me, the doctor told me four weeks after started
51:02
your hair, most of your hair will be coming out.
51:04
And that's when it happened. And so really I did have a peace
51:08
and calmness throughout my treatment, which was surprising.
51:13
You know, I cried some throughout a little bit, but I
51:17
really didn't cry until I finished my treatment, which was
51:23
at the end of November, beginning December 2022.
51:26
So I started treatment in December 2021, chemo and I
51:30
finished in December 2022. And then I cried the whole month
51:35
of December. Literally I cried the whole
51:38
month of December. Kind of.
51:41
Like was really crying and I think it was just no one won
51:47
that it was done. But also just releasing all that
51:51
I probably was holding. Yeah.
51:55
I cried. I mean, it was that little cry.
51:57
It was like crying the whole month of December and I remember
52:02
that and I was just like, but I was just releasing everything
52:05
and I was thanking God. Yeah, crying is not all bad.
52:10
Like we give such a negative connotation to crying and it's
52:14
like it's built in release. When you can't say nothing, you
52:17
can't do nothing. Like that doesn't mean you have
52:20
to hold it and bottle up. You're giving God praise.
52:23
It's natural sometimes for that to come when you really are in
52:28
this space of gratitude and just thanking him for what he's done
52:31
and that like how huge it is and just like what you went through
52:35
and you know that you couldn't get through it like without him,
52:38
like and So what, what can you give him?
52:40
We can't give God anything. So our praise, right, like in
52:44
our teachers that come with that and giving him just like the
52:48
glory and just man, like it just takes over, right?
52:55
And I'm glad you allowed yourself to do that because
52:57
there's so many people who they just hold that thing and then it
53:00
stop. That was like the last part of
53:03
the process, right? So like, yes, you're genuinely
53:07
smiling like throughout all of this, but you were also afraid,
53:11
right? Like, because you you don't
53:13
know, but you kept your eyes focused on God.
53:17
And so there was part of you who probably had that had to be
53:21
brave to keep going. Yeah.
53:23
And I'm a crier, I and I'm not ashamed to cry.
53:25
I'm a crier, you know. But but really it, it, it was
53:30
really interesting. I was not trying not to cry.
53:33
And I did cry something I was not, not trying to not to cry.
53:37
I really wasn't. I really just knew that God was
53:41
going to see me through this. Whatever happened, He was going
53:46
to see me through this. Yeah.
53:49
So. That's so good because he didn't
53:52
he didn't just take you that far to leave you.
53:54
Yes. What?
53:56
OK, so how are you learning to live really like or, or how did
54:05
this experience teach you to like live for yourself and not
54:08
just for others, right? Like you're a social worker.
54:11
You're always helping other people.
54:13
What did this teach you about bringing some of that attention
54:16
and focus back in on Come on you?
54:18
Right. So yes, that I definitely needed
54:21
to bring some more attention back to me.
54:24
Actually, I started that before that and even before COVID.
54:27
Just like making sure one to spend time, I don't mind
54:30
spending time by myself, you know, so during my birthdays, my
54:35
husband, you know, he was like your birthday gift was like I
54:38
could go to a hotel by myself for one night, get my massage,
54:42
whatever treatments I want, which was so nice.
54:45
And and then I shared it with another sister one time, but we
54:48
just had a fabulous time and just, I just wanted to sleep.
54:53
I just want to sleep a bit early and wickedly, you know, with the
54:57
kids and everything. I mean, so you're not having the
54:59
kids making sure. That's why I started working
55:02
out. That's why I got the trainer.
55:03
And I, and again, I'm just happy that I still have a trainer.
55:06
I still work out the trainer two times a week.
55:10
And also to make sure I do things.
55:12
I love the sun, I love the beach and so Mogi and I had not had a
55:18
chance to really travel that much since my treatment.
55:22
We had COVID then the treatment and we really didn't have time.
55:26
Now. I did go to the beach with my
55:28
cousins. We had a cousin's trip in 20.
55:30
20. Three, we did.
55:32
We went to Saint Petersburg, which is beautiful, but Mogi and
55:35
I, you know, just recently went to Hawaii, so that was
55:38
beautiful. So beautiful.
55:41
Yeah, and so it was just nice time to relax and to be with him
55:45
too. I like being with myself, but I
55:48
like being with him. I do love being with my children
55:50
too. But you know, sometimes you.
55:52
Need some? It started with you and Moki
55:53
because y'all got together when y'all met in college, right?
55:57
Oh, no, we met at church. We met at church.
56:00
Oh, yeah, no, we were, we were, we were in our late 20s.
56:02
Yeah, we met at church. We, we, we dated.
56:06
We met back in the day. This is so back in the day.
56:09
It was we, we met at church, but we got together.
56:13
It was December 31st, 1999. And so that's what he asked me
56:18
out. He asked me out.
56:20
And then we started dating and then we became exclusive and we
56:25
did it for a year and then engaged and then we got married
56:28
like 8 months later. You know, it doesn't take that
56:30
long and so. Yeah, look, maybe I need y'all
56:33
to come back too and talk about that.
56:35
Like it? It don't take that long.
56:37
It don't take that long. Yeah.
56:38
And so we were to get together four years before we had Omar
56:42
Ray and that I had a couple of miscarriages before him.
56:45
But Moogie has always been my rock.
56:49
Yeah. And and he's always make sure I
56:52
was focused on the Lord too. Yes, come on, He gave that good
56:55
message on Wednesday too. He is always, you know, and so
57:00
I'm just very dis blessed to be his wife and just very thankful
57:05
for him because during this time of my cancer treatment, he took
57:09
care of everything and he was like, I got it.
57:14
Even when we had our kids, he was like, you know, I'm telling
57:17
him what to do and he's like, these are my kids.
57:19
I got it. He's like, these are my kids.
57:22
This love this. So yeah, so he had it and took
57:28
care so I can get healthy. That's so beautiful, like
57:34
obviously y'all are already in love that had a wonderful
57:37
Kingdom foundation, but like how did that experience like deepen
57:41
that connection and bond between y'all his husband and wife?
57:46
I mean, it did you know when he, you know when I told him?
57:50
Because I told him and I'm and I am like, if you want to say not
57:56
and independent or interdependent, I'm
57:59
interdependent with him, but I am if you want to say
58:01
independent. And so it was so funny because I
58:03
was going to the breast surgeon. He was like, are you going to
58:07
tell me what it is? Am I going?
58:09
I'm just going to go. I was like, Oh, yeah, yes, yes,
58:15
yeah. So you need to, of course he
58:17
needs to know what's going on. I was just like, I'm just gonna
58:20
go. I, you know.
58:21
And so with him learning along with me and just being there, he
58:26
went with me to every cancer treatment, I mean, chemo
58:29
treatment. He put the ice on my feet, in
58:32
my, you know, on my hands when I knew and I was trying to sleep.
58:36
And he was there every step of the way.
58:40
Every step of the way. Thing.
58:42
And so it just deepened our relationship and you know, my
58:45
love for him and, and I know that he loves me.
58:49
You know, he, I and, and he says it, he tells me, he shows me his
58:54
act of his love language is active service.
58:59
And so he was definitely showing, but he kept it.
59:02
He, he did what was needed. The kids at that time while
59:05
driving. So he was shuffling back and
59:08
forth, doing what needed to be done.
59:10
Yeah, yeah, that's, that is really and truly beautiful
59:16
because things like this take a toll on a lot of relationships
59:21
and marriages. So I love that it would deepen
59:24
that he just, I don't even want to say stepped up, right,
59:29
because he was already present, right?
59:32
He's already present. So it's just like he he
59:36
elevated. Yes, yes.
59:40
That's wonderful, I love that. So what does living on purpose
59:45
look like for you now? To enjoy each and every day.
59:50
To enjoy life. To not take life for granted.
59:57
Don't take anything for granted. Don't hold on to things because
1:00:02
it's only affecting you. Forgive.
1:00:08
Not that you ain't got to still be friends with that person or
1:00:10
whatever, but forgive because forgiveness is about you.
1:00:13
It's not about that other person and it's only going to affect
1:00:16
you. When you're.
1:00:17
Angry. Right.
1:00:19
We learned about forgiveness and reconciliation.
1:00:22
Right, when you're let's go together, yes, and when you're
1:00:26
angry at whatever situation that person, it affects you, it's not
1:00:31
even affecting that other person.
1:00:33
And so again, I'm not holding on to that, but I'm also going to
1:00:40
be surround myself with people who are who's going to uplift
1:00:43
me. So this quick story.
1:00:46
So I have another friend and it's so amazing.
1:00:48
You meet people at different times in your life, right?
1:00:50
So you got your childhood friends, you got your college
1:00:53
friends. I got friends.
1:00:55
I have a good friend who I met during birthing with her
1:01:00
daughter. Birthing class with her daughter
1:01:01
or my son 20 years ago. A friend.
1:01:05
That I just met now two years ago, maybe three years ago.
1:01:10
Her daughter's a good friend of my daughter's from school and we
1:01:13
became good friends. And so I'm surrounding myself
1:01:17
with people who care about me and who is going to not only
1:01:23
support me and they're going to uplift me.
1:01:26
Not saying that they're not going to tell me what's going
1:01:28
on. Tell me the real deal.
1:01:29
I got something going on. You're going to tell me, but
1:01:31
who's going to lift me? I have this one friend.
1:01:33
I told her because I've been reflecting my preparing for this
1:01:36
and just reflecting on the people who are important to me,
1:01:40
my family, my parents, my husband, other friends.
1:01:44
And I told her. I said every word out your
1:01:47
mouth, uplifting all the time. That's who she is.
1:01:53
Love the. Time and her name is Nicole,
1:01:56
call her Nikki every time. And I just thanked her.
1:02:00
I said everybody doesn't have that gift and I thanked her and
1:02:06
and those are the people I'm surrounding myself with.
1:02:09
And not that I'm not going to be kind to you if you're not, you
1:02:14
know, because you have friends, you got acquaintances you got or
1:02:17
whatever like that. But I'm not going to spend my
1:02:19
energy on people who is not going to be uplifting and
1:02:27
positive. And so that's what I've taken
1:02:31
from that because life is too short, right?
1:02:35
The people who care about me are going to tell me if I'm doing
1:02:38
something wrong or if there's an issue or whatever, they're going
1:02:41
to let me know. It's not that we're going to
1:02:43
agree for everything or whatever.
1:02:45
That's not life. That's not real.
1:02:47
If you're not, if you're agreeing 100%, that's not
1:02:49
they're going to, they're going to tell me, right?
1:02:52
And so I have some good friends and I know I forget everybody.
1:02:56
I probably shouldn't name names here because you forget people.
1:02:59
It's all right. If you want to send me a list of
1:03:01
people, we'll put it in the description.
1:03:04
So everybody. Yes, not out Stephanie, you
1:03:07
know, you know, and it's just you know, and and I got so many
1:03:12
people at church and everything too is that I'm going to be
1:03:15
positive. But if you're going to be
1:03:16
negative and talk negative all the time, I don't I don't have
1:03:20
time for that. No, thanks.
1:03:22
So that's that's that's where I am.
1:03:25
You know, sister Nicole is another one.
1:03:27
Oh my gosh, she's always she's this is a different Nicole.
1:03:31
This is two different. OK, OK, so this.
1:03:33
Is two different Nicole. So the person I was talking
1:03:35
about is a different friend named Nicole, but sister Nicole
1:03:38
always positive. So yes, yes, yes.
1:03:44
So then, what does joy look like for you today?
1:03:48
Joy is having peace. Joy, peace, having peace being,
1:03:56
you say being happy in terms of just in my soul, right, Being
1:04:02
happy in my soul. Just again, thankful and
1:04:07
grateful. There was, I think about a
1:04:09
couple songs and I have this in my notes.
1:04:11
All right, a couple songs and we sing this at church.
1:04:14
Of course, every praise, right? Every praise.
1:04:17
God, every word. And that God's my savior, he's
1:04:22
my healer and he's my deliverer, right?
1:04:25
Definitely. That is joy.
1:04:27
And also I love India Irie and the little things.
1:04:33
I don't know if you notice all it little things.
1:04:35
So and then she says it's the little things and the joy they
1:04:39
bring. I got everything I prayed for
1:04:42
and a little more. I thought you were going to say
1:04:44
strength, courage and wisdom, 'cause I can hear how that one
1:04:47
would apply to. Yes, yeah, that India.
1:04:50
That's the thing, girl. I went through my India hair bra
1:04:52
phase like a lot of people probably did too.
1:04:55
And yes, that the the every praise song, like, you know,
1:05:01
many of times that that one has gotten me choked up at church.
1:05:04
Yes, many a time like, and just that's what I was like
1:05:08
referencing earlier where it's just like there's nothing you
1:05:11
can do, but like just let it pour out because you don't have
1:05:13
the words for it. And so like it will literally
1:05:17
pour out. So I'm so happy that you can
1:05:22
experience like joy, living and purpose because obviously there
1:05:27
are some people who don't win this battle, right?
1:05:31
And also it's not uncommon for a survivor or a thriver like
1:05:35
yourself to experience like post survival guilt or confusion
1:05:41
around even identity once it's over.
1:05:44
But you've been like your narrative has been filled with
1:05:48
so much grace and like you and what you've shared today just
1:05:53
really modeled what it's like to weave that in and have that in.
1:05:58
And like, you didn't try to do it on your own and you did it
1:06:00
with God and how that just really aligned, you know, all of
1:06:07
the people, everyone who was there who needed to be there.
1:06:10
And even as you were speaking earlier, I thought about it, you
1:06:13
were saying like you and Moki met in your early tweets.
1:06:16
He said no late 20, late late 20, OK, late 20s in y'all 20s,
1:06:23
y'all men and y'all 20s, right? But he sent you who you needed.
1:06:28
Yeah. He had partnered y'all together
1:06:31
and that's the beauty waiting for God too.
1:06:33
Well, you're saying late. He's like perfectly fine.
1:06:37
And also, what do we really know about who we?
1:06:39
Are in our early 20s child. But and then we still be
1:06:43
learning in 30s and 40s and 50s like this is how life goes.
1:06:46
But like, I love how your story really is filled with God.
1:06:53
He's all through it. It's all about like giving Him
1:06:56
His glory. And so I guess we can close
1:07:01
here, unless there's something else you want to share before I
1:07:04
do this. That's your closing question.
1:07:06
Yeah, so I always have to just say that as women, as men, but
1:07:11
as black women, we need to take care of ourselves.
1:07:14
I cannot leave here without saying we need to make sure we
1:07:18
are going to the doctor for our our annual OBGYN, for our
1:07:25
physical or annual physical for our breast exams when is needed,
1:07:31
for your colonoscopy, when is needed.
1:07:33
And then that starts at 45. And to make sure we are taking
1:07:38
care of ourselves. I am here because I went every
1:07:43
year they looked at this, they looked at my screen the year
1:07:46
before and say it was not there. If I would have missed COVID,
1:07:52
they wouldn't have known if it was there or not or if I would
1:07:55
have missed this one. Because we get so busy.
1:07:57
We do, we things come late. It takes forever to get in for
1:08:01
an appointment when we're scheduling late.
1:08:03
And you know, so I just want to make sure that we have to take
1:08:06
care of ourselves, especially as black women because we're ones
1:08:10
that die more from breast cancer because it's diagnosed later.
1:08:15
We're stage 4 or or we don't have the means to get the
1:08:20
necessary treatment needed or we don't.
1:08:24
Some people had said don't do chemo.
1:08:26
I was like, I'm trying to live. That's why I said I said I am
1:08:30
trying. To live and they're giving you
1:08:32
opinions based on someone else's.
1:08:36
Yeah, hearing saying they don't know your numbers, what's in
1:08:39
your chart versus what was other person's chart?
1:08:41
Right, right, absolutely. So I definitely want to leave
1:08:45
with that. And then I also want to say too
1:08:50
is that be joyful, be thankful and share it.
1:08:56
Think that, not that. I think I know that when people
1:09:02
heard cancer, like I said, people think of a death centers,
1:09:04
but they did not expect me to come out like I came out.
1:09:07
I know that for a fact. Shining, shining, absolutely.
1:09:12
People did not expect that and still shining.
1:09:17
And it's hard for people. And then when people are not
1:09:23
happy with themselves, they take it out on others.
1:09:27
Yeah. When you're not happy with
1:09:29
yourself, you put all that stuff trying to put it on other
1:09:34
people. Keep.
1:09:34
I'm just saying keep that to yourself.
1:09:36
Yeah, because keep that to yourself.
1:09:38
And so I have experienced that in different areas and, and I've
1:09:47
had to work through because I told you where I did at a time
1:09:52
kind of stifle myself for others.
1:09:56
And I was like, I had to get some class.
1:09:57
I'm not doing that no more. I am not doing that anymore.
1:10:02
That's, that's other people's issues.
1:10:04
That's not my issue, period. And if God wants to shine
1:10:08
through me, I'm going to show it.
1:10:10
And again, not that I don't go through troubles, not that I
1:10:13
ain't sad, not that I'm gonna cry.
1:10:14
If he wants to shine, why wouldn't I let him shine through
1:10:19
me and my words and my actions and glorifying him and thanking
1:10:24
him every day? And it's enough shining to go
1:10:27
around if you would just let him come on.
1:10:30
You don't got the recipe on how to shine.
1:10:32
She can't gate keep. The shining point is for as many
1:10:36
people as possible to shine. That's the whole point.
1:10:40
So instead of dumping negative or trying to dim a person shine,
1:10:47
you need to find out like how can I get like you right and can
1:10:51
look to the Jesus right and I'll say I'll add to what you're
1:10:54
saying. I'm a firm believer in RTS
1:10:57
return to sender and no thank yous.
1:11:01
I don't like I used to listen this.
1:11:03
This means she real different in the best way.
1:11:06
She shines. She's still nice, but she's not
1:11:09
being nice just so that people can say she's nice.
1:11:11
More authentic, right? No thank you.
1:11:15
Right, right. And yes, you are.
1:11:17
Thank you like. I'm no thank you.
1:11:20
I have no desire to do that. No.
1:11:23
Right. Thank you.
1:11:24
Right. So this has been so good.
1:11:27
Come on, you. This has been really good.
1:11:29
So with that, I guess we'll close out.
1:11:32
If you could leave the audience with one powerful truth to help
1:11:37
them to rise and thrive, what would it be?
1:11:41
Again, and I said this at the beginning, every interaction is
1:11:46
an intervention and how you treat people, how you speak to
1:11:52
people, how you interact with people is very important.
1:11:56
And we don't know what each other is going through.
1:11:59
And not that you have to know what people are going through,
1:12:04
but be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.
1:12:08
It's not with yourself because if if you're kind to yourself,
1:12:11
you're going to be kind to others and so and just be joyful
1:12:17
and have peace. Count it all joy.
1:12:19
You are here today, you are here right now.
1:12:24
Count it all, joy. Right now, right now.
1:12:28
All right well, thank you so much again.
1:12:31
It's it just makes me more excited that really saying it
1:12:35
out loud, how much how connected we are.
1:12:37
We're connected professionally, we're connected through a
1:12:40
sorority, we're connected through Christ.
1:12:42
So I'm glad to be able to have you here and share this space
1:12:45
with you for you to be able to share, be vulnerable and give
1:12:49
God his glory. And I know this will touch who
1:12:53
it needs to touch. And so just thank you.
1:12:55
I appreciate you accepting the invitation.
1:12:58
And thank you for inviting me and thank you for allowing me to
1:13:02
share my story. It really has helped me and
1:13:05
especially just reflect and talk to people about, you know, just
1:13:11
how they had supported me through this time.
1:13:13
I really can how I could be a better have been a better friend
1:13:17
in some areas. So it wasn't just reflecting me
1:13:20
telling them, it's them giving me some information also.
1:13:25
And because one thing to add to the every interaction as an
1:13:29
intervention is that we all are ever changing, right?
1:13:34
And so in our and in my field, I tell professionals that if you
1:13:39
don't believe in change, you should not be in this
1:13:41
profession. Come on sis.
1:13:43
Right, and that I'm not the same person I was 5-10 years ago or
1:13:47
even 2 weeks ago. I should be ever changing and
1:13:51
growing and learning and the families that we work with, they
1:13:55
made that change in the time frame, but they're but we want
1:13:59
them to still continue, even if it's not in time frame when they
1:14:02
get their children back. So I'm in foster care because
1:14:04
their children I'm looking for them.
1:14:06
So I say that in terms of just life is that we all should be
1:14:12
growing and changing and don't stay stagnant where you are.
1:14:17
We should be growing in the Lord, we should be growing in
1:14:20
our family, we should be growing in our profession and we should
1:14:22
be growing with friendships. And so I had to, when I was
1:14:25
reflecting, apologize for some things to, and that's what I
1:14:29
did. And so that I could have been
1:14:33
better in certain areas and it was individual to that
1:14:37
individual person. And so I thank you because that
1:14:40
gave me the opportunity to really reflect and to reach out
1:14:46
to people who I love so much. And I haven't reached out to
1:14:51
everyone. So by the time this is show, if
1:14:54
I ever reach out to you that that I'm just thankful and I
1:15:02
have changed for the better and I'm continuing to change.
1:15:06
No one's perfect and I will never be perfect, but I am going
1:15:09
to be. Look at how I could be better.
1:15:14
Well, this has been so good. And clearly we could keep
1:15:17
talking because there were other things I wanted to say.
1:15:19
But I'm like, you know what, we can talk, I'll see you someday.
1:15:23
And we need to plan a little one-on-one time anyway, whether
1:15:26
we go out or come out of the house or whatever.
1:15:28
But yeah, it's more time to get to sit, OK?
1:15:31
That's great. Yes, so now this is the point of
1:15:34
the show where we shift to the audience for their call to
1:15:37
action. So your reflection for today is
1:15:40
who am I still trying to carry that God has already released?
1:15:44
And where in my life am I choosing fear instead of faith?
1:15:49
And for your action for this week, I want you to write down 1
1:15:53
boundary and or one act of self-care that you'll commit to
1:15:58
this week that centers you. And finally, I'm going to leave
1:16:02
you affirmed. I choose faith, I choose
1:16:05
healing, I choose me. Kamaya, thank you again for
1:16:10
joining me all rise and thrive with Doctor J Nicole, it's been
1:16:14
an absolute pleasure having you here.
1:16:16
And to the audience, thank you so much for tuning in this week.
1:16:21
Any of this resonated with you. Please leave the comments down
1:16:24
in the comments to come on you. If anybody wants to like get in
1:16:30
touch with you because they you like really touch them.
1:16:34
How can they find you? Where can they find you so?
1:16:38
I am on Instagram and it's easy. Come on, you on my and my
1:16:45
LinkedIn is not quite up, but that's coming up so yes, so by.
1:16:49
The time this airs, we'll have it, but we'll put links down
1:16:52
below for yes, find you to connect with you because you may
1:16:55
have inspired someone and they or somebody might say we need
1:16:59
you to come speak and Share your story.
1:17:02
So we want to make sure that they have access to do so, but
1:17:07
obviously with respect for your boundaries.
1:17:10
Yes, definitely. I'm open, definitely.
1:17:13
Awesome. So always remember episodes drop
1:17:16
every Tuesday morning at 7:00 AM.
1:17:18
We are on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Music.
1:17:22
Feel free to go check out the merch.
1:17:24
So if you go to evolvewithdoctorjnicole.com and
1:17:27
you click on the podcast page and click shop the merch so you
1:17:30
can wear your faith and show your support to this platform
1:17:35
and continues to give God the glory.
1:17:37
So we're going to keep rising in faith and thriving purpose and I
1:17:41
will see y'all next week.