Latest / Very Fine Friends / Walker T-Ex-as Wrecker

Transcript

Walker T-Ex-as Wrecker · Very Fine Friends

0:00
um i saw something online yeah and it was talking about like little bits or replies that people had
0:20
like stock bits or stock replies that people use in everyday like conversation and i'm sure this is
0:26
known, but it was the first time I'd seen it.
0:28
They said, no matter what happens, if someone complained,
0:30
they responded, other than that, Mrs. Kennedy,
0:32
how was the drive?
0:35
Yeah.
0:38
That's the
0:38
updated version of, other than that,
0:40
Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
0:44
You never heard that before?
0:45
No. Didn't my laugh
0:46
sound genuine?
0:48
Yeah, it did.
0:50
What was one of the other stock replies?
0:52
I was trying to remember because I thought it'd be funny to go through
0:54
some of them but um oh one of them was um if you ask someone for something and no one says anything
1:02
you could say you left me unheard oh yeah that that was good or if they say nothing you could
1:10
say that's what i was thinking you got any stock replies yeah like little bits i mean yeah probably
1:20
I can't.
1:22
We go over this all the time.
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When you ask me if I have something,
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it all flies out of my head.
1:27
I'm useless.
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Maybe I shouldn't ask you.
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Maybe I should pose it as a statement.
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It's totally ruined.
1:33
Totally ruined it.
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You have little bits.
1:39
Thank you.
1:41
I got some big old bits.
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You got some daddy bits if I ever seen them.
1:48
Big, big.
1:50
Big natties.
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I do love the phrase big natties.
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I think that's really funny.
1:54
I don't know if I've ever heard that.
1:56
Really?
1:56
There's no way.
1:58
Big natties?
1:58
Jenna says it all the time.
2:00
I say it a lot, yeah.
2:01
I thought natty was shorthand for Cincinnati.
2:03
No, naturals.
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Yeah, my big natties.
2:07
Oh, naturals?
2:08
Big naturals.
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It means huge boobs.
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Oh, yeah, I'm there now.
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Big natties.
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Specifically natural ones.
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But I don't know.
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I like referring to things that aren't boobs as big natties.
2:20
Ignatys. I can't think of a good example of when I've done that, but I have.
2:24
You know what that reminds me of? I saw, I saw, I was right in front of me yesterday.
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I had dinner and, oh my God, where's the picture?
2:32
Oh my God, it's gone. What the hell? What?
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I'm upset. Oh, I deleted it because I was done with it.
2:39
Anyway, it was mashed potatoes, but it looked like a breast because the butter on top was perfectly
2:44
round. Wait, what?
2:45
Why were you done?
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What does that mean?
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You were done with it.
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Oh, it does look like a breast.
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Joe, look up.
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It looks like a big natty.
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Yeah, look.
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Big nip latty.
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It's a big old.
3:01
It's a big nip.
3:02
Yeah.
3:03
Big nipper.
3:04
So you just, you put the fork back in the drawer.
3:07
You're like, I'll eat this one.
3:08
Just my mouth.
3:10
Yeah.
3:11
Everyone, please look away.
3:12
What you're about to see is illegal in three states.
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Or keep looking.
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I know. Make eye contact.
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Put your hands behind your back and just dive in.
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I was just like holding the mashed potato boob while I was eating the other foods.
3:27
Francis, don't honk your food.
3:34
Welcome to Very Fine Friends podcast.
3:38
We're friends. Talk about stuff.
3:40
well boob mashed potato aside how are you francis i am well because of um i've been getting a lot of
3:51
stuff i bought that's been delivered and it's nice yeah got a couple books so that's great
3:57
the listeners should be informed francis is wearing a very nice colorful striped shirt today
4:03
it looks very nice
4:05
thank you, we got it on Poshmark
4:07
yeah, Francis
4:09
roped me into
4:11
buying something on Poshmark
4:13
so I got a $10 credit
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because he referred me and I think he gets a $15
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credit? Do I? I don't know, I haven't got a notification
4:19
yet. I think it's maybe when it's
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whatever is delivered, but I definitely
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got a $10 credit
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when I signed up using your link
4:27
which was AZ Francis
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feel free to use it
4:30
if anyone wants to sign up for Poshmark
4:33
and get $10.
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AZ Francis is the code.
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This is a really in-depth discussion
4:39
of the online commerce
4:41
of a business that doesn't sponsor us.
4:44
We're getting paid if people listen.
4:46
That's money too.
4:47
Yeah.
4:48
Well, in any event,
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I already have a feeling though
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that this purchase is not going to work out.
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I don't know why.
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Why do you feel this way?
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Because I just feel like it's not going to fit.
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You're just buying something random
5:00
and then you can't return it.
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I'll give you my $10.
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No, no, no.
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I want this to work.
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I need this to be a lesson.
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It's going to fit.
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Okay.
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Think positive.
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All right, I'll try.
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And then when you...
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Never mind.
5:15
What?
5:15
If something from Poshmark doesn't fit,
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maybe that's a problem with you.
5:19
Listeners, if you ever looked for something
5:22
that hugs your body perfectly
5:24
in this uncertain world,
5:27
Poshmark, made for you,
5:30
fit your body like a glove.
5:32
which they sell. You could find gloves on there.
5:35
AZ Francis.
5:36
Sign up.
5:37
Sign up. It's your referral code.
5:40
Quick interruption. Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives
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Francis and I each our own secret word. Throughout the course of the podcast,
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we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person
5:58
noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point. And
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right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize, whoever has the most
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points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
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Well, we might have invented free advertising,
6:37
but let's see what else we've invented.
6:40
It's time for the invention of the week.
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Inventions.
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I don't like the way I was treated last week.
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Okay, I'm sorry.
6:57
No, it's okay. I'm just teasing.
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With your little tram car over the...
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You're minimizing.
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What? No, no.
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No, it's okay. It's okay.
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But this week, I really sunk hard.
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Okay.
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And I'm ready for a big hit.
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I just had to go back into the world of businesses
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slash services slash apps.
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Such as Poshmark, CodeAZFrancis.
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Yeah.
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my idea is
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so you have extra clothes you don't need
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I'm kidding
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you know how
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sometimes relationships don't work out
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I do know that
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do you know how
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sometimes we want the other person
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to think we're doing better than we are
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I do know that
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well hold on to your socks
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and strap down your big natties
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because
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strapped yeah yeah um i've solved the problem great and you're gonna love it
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it's coming up right now um this is a service for you after you break up with someone or they
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break up with you or whatever happens um whatever was quote-unquote wrong with them or their
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insecurity or whatever yeah we can set you up with someone um who has the thing they didn't have
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you know and so you could be seen with them and we'll we have pictures at like we'll do pictures
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with you guys we'll make up a whole backstory like there'll be like a social media like backstory
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that's a lie like we'll make sure that wherever the other person is you end up being always with
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your person that was better than them and the way they couldn't be better like a gigolo
8:49
No, it's a forgetting Sarah Marshall situation,
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but on a paid basis.
8:55
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:56
I wish you hadn't said that.
8:57
No, I think this could be a very lucrative idea.
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Do you actually, I mean, it's not just like,
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this is my boyfriend, he lives in Canada.
9:07
No, it's a real person.
9:08
Yeah, it's a real person that we set you up with him.
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You meet up.
9:11
You don't have to do anything.
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It's not professional though,
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so we request that after the contract is over,
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you can mingle.
9:21
Right, because this is not prostitution.
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No, no, no, this is a business.
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This is legit.
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But then, okay, so they're just actors that you hire.
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On an unrelated note, this business only operates in Nevada.
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Thank you very much.
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A small corner of Nevada that isn't on the strip.
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Just so audience members know,
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I was doing the cards, not anything else.
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I thought you were clapping for yourself.
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No,
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when you walk by the strip and they like,
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they hit the cards for the ladies in their hands.
9:56
Yeah.
9:56
Oh,
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I did not know that.
9:58
There were,
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there were no natties big nor small,
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no natties of any kind.
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It's just cards.
10:04
Yeah.
10:04
Yeah.
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I'm wholesome.
10:07
Yeah,
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sure.
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I am.
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I've turned a page.
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Anyway,
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starting immediately.
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Okay.
10:16
Um,
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cool i mean i like this i like the idea of revenge yeah uh and and really making somebody feel bad
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yeah yeah um how do you like what kinds of things are you targeting height weight
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okay but like uh which there's nothing wrong with being anything but like you know people
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have feelings about certain things so you really want to stick someone where it hurts you just got
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to go with, I don't condone this.
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I would never do this. I'm not going to participate in this app,
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but I know there's a lot of angry
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people out there who want to inflict pain.
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And I'm here to make money.
10:56
Yeah. Hey,
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they're going to inflict that pain one way
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or another. You might as well make some money off of it.
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People with 2020 vision.
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Are there
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a lot of people that are upset about their vision
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levels? Maybe if they got thick ones.
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I don't know. They got
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fake natties.
11:15
Yeah.
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Those big old thick ones.
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No natties.
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Those pointy eyeball people.
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Oh yeah.
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People who breathe like this.
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We have good breathers.
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Yeah.
11:31
Do you think dogs do that with pugs?
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They're like, I dumped this pug
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and now I'm going to...
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Pugs breathe like that.
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Now I'm going out with a bloodhound.
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Yeah.
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Oh yeah.
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Yeah, look at his long nose.
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Oh, that would be the ultimate dog revenge.
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Oh, yeah.
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To dump your pug and go out with a bloodhound.
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For sure.
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Although they are kind of ugly dogs, bloodhounds.
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Oh, they're fine.
11:54
Oh, I think they're cute.
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They're cute.
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Especially as puppies.
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They're not hot.
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They're not hot dogs.
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No, what would you say is the hottest dog?
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Let's talk about the hottest dogs.
12:02
Well, I kind of do want to talk about this now.
12:04
Yeah.
12:04
I got to say, you have a hot dog.
12:06
A Weimaraner's are a hot dog.
12:07
They are hot dogs, yeah.
12:08
I feel like Golden Retriever is like the...
12:10
It's a classic.
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That's the girl next door of...
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I was going to say it's like the frat boy of dogs.
12:15
Yeah.
12:17
It's the basic hot.
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Yeah.
12:20
Yeah.
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I have a German hot.
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I feel like Weimaraners are kind of like
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the not textbook attractive,
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but there's something about them.
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They're that great color.
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Yeah.
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They just look like sexy gray,
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bluish gray.
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Elegant, stately, noble.
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Svelte.
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Great word.
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So svelte.
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I'm going to tell my dog all this when I get home.
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Summer, if you're listening, and we know you are.
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Trying to hide my identity.
12:49
Oh, but people, if I say Summer, I've mentioned Summer on the, I've said her name.
12:54
You have?
12:55
Yeah.
12:55
You've said her name.
12:57
You've said her name, and then, and then we've said Megan's name, too.
13:04
Oh, my God.
13:05
You know, when I turned the page, I lost it all.
13:07
You talked about your dad calling her the dog,
13:13
and you're like, she has a name.
13:14
Say her name.
13:16
Wow.
13:20
Well, yep.
13:21
Yep, yep, yep.
13:23
Okay.
13:24
Anyway, back to the invention.
13:26
Yeah.
13:27
We like it, right?
13:29
Yeah, I would like it if it was like psychological stuff,
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like things that, I mean, like physical stuff isn't easy enough.
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thing.
13:38
Like, oh, Peter has a degree.
13:42
Yeah.
13:42
What if the person that you were,
13:44
the person that dumped you,
13:46
the dumper
13:48
was never able to have a child
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and then the person that you get set up with
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is at a party with that person.
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They're just like, I don't know why I'm saying this,
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but God, I am so fertile.
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As they're holding one kid in each arm.
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I didn't even have these when I got in here.
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That's how fertile I am.
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I produce in three months.
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It's amazing.
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No one can figure it out.
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Or, yeah, like...
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This is Gerald.
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Both of his parents are alive.
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He's never once said something awkward at a party.
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He's never put his foot in his mouth once.
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But he can, because he's very flexible.
14:25
How's your arthritis going?
14:31
How's your early-onset arthritis?
14:35
That happens, man.
14:36
Yeah.
14:37
It's a rough one.
14:39
People with arthritis, if you're listening,
14:42
we know who you are.
14:43
We feel for you.
14:44
Yeah, hang in there.
14:47
And now picture that meme where the sloth is hanging from a branch.
14:49
In the text below it says,
14:50
But don't try that at home because you have arthritis.
14:53
Oh, yeah.
14:54
Good call.
14:55
We almost got sued just now.
14:57
Yeah.
14:57
Also, don't drink bleach.
15:03
Okay.
15:05
What?
15:07
Well, what other, okay. So it's going to be like fake social media. The person will be around. So how many, like, what if you are worried? What if someone like, we're going to need a lot of people to be fake, to be decoys. Cause you don't want, I mean, if they're going to be meeting these people in real life, then within, they're going to be in the city, the same city that you're in.
15:33
I feel like they could have the same name
15:35
so that way if there ever is a continuity issue
15:39
they can be like, no, I'm that same person
15:40
I'm not going out with them anymore
15:42
now I'm going out with this person
15:43
You're saying if two people ever put it together
15:47
that this was the same actor?
15:48
Yeah, if some dude's like, that's my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend
15:53
and he's out with somebody else right now
15:56
It's okay, either he can assume it didn't work out
15:59
and now the guy's dating someone else
16:01
Wouldn't he get a lot of pleasure from that?
16:03
Like, ha ha ha, it's not working out.
16:05
Well, we can have a clause in the contract
16:07
so the actor would have to tell the person like,
16:09
oh, she found someone better even than me.
16:16
Okay.
16:19
All right.
16:22
But yeah what other Okay so aside from social media and we do fake weddings so okay at what point in time does this turn into your psycho who doing a fake wedding with a
16:39
fake boyfriend that's not for us to decide okay we can offer advice be like hey listen
16:47
there's a chance this will make you look bad we recommend doing the social media package
16:53
and then in six months plan an engagement at the earliest.
16:58
And that's only if you pick a super hot model
17:00
because people will understand.
17:04
He's in the military.
17:07
They love to get married.
17:09
Yeah, well, I think it's that threat of imminent death.
17:12
Kind of puts a fire under people.
17:14
Yeah.
17:15
Yeah.
17:15
Totes.
17:21
What would you like to call this?
17:23
Okay, I have a name.
17:24
Oh, good.
17:26
Height-ya!
17:27
Height-ya?
17:29
Yeah.
17:30
So in your head, you were mainly picturing
17:32
that you're just going to get set up with someone taller.
17:35
That's just the first thing I thought of.
17:36
And then that made me think of ha-ya,
17:38
which is like, I'm going to attack you
17:40
and this is my revenge.
17:41
And then I thought, ha-ya.
17:45
You got something?
17:48
You got something better?
17:50
Better natties.
17:51
not even close
17:53
not even thinking about you anymore
17:58
that could be a good slogan
18:00
yeah
18:02
that'd be a great slogan
18:05
someone would just have to know
18:08
that we're thinking about the phrase big natties
18:09
and that's why it's being said
18:11
not even thinking about you anymore
18:14
upgrade
18:17
upgrade
18:19
Just, I mean, it's clean.
18:22
I know that we're not used to clean on this.
18:24
What about something with like X in it, you know?
18:29
Triple X.
18:32
Wreck the X.
18:33
What'd you say?
18:34
Wreck the X.
18:35
Wreck the X?
18:36
Yeah.
18:36
Like ruin them?
18:37
Yeah, like ruin them.
18:39
Make them completely ruined.
18:39
Totally ruined.
18:41
I like that.
18:42
Wreck the X.
18:43
X wrecker.
18:46
Wreck the X.
18:47
X wrecker.
18:48
son my name's x wrecker and i got a story to tell you i know i kind of like that as a name
18:59
x wrecker hey name's x x wrecker put her there welcome to our town
19:05
um okay i think this service
19:11
I worry about the
19:14
the actual like
19:17
interactions with
19:19
or like
19:19
the amount of time
19:24
that one actor will be committed
19:27
to a certain person. You're going to have to have
19:29
like photo shoots
19:30
so that you know
19:32
there could be like regular updates on
19:35
whoever it is, social media
19:37
that make sense?
19:40
Yeah, like any business, we'll have our challenges.
19:43
I do worry about that.
19:45
But it's not prostitution.
19:50
Finally.
19:52
I know, finally.
19:54
There was a while when everything you invented was prostitution.
19:58
I think it was off pod.
20:00
It was, it was.
20:01
A lot of interesting ideas.
20:02
It all accidentally became...
20:03
Yeah, that was never the goal.
20:05
We will have airtight contracts
20:08
that have a strict do not molest clause.
20:14
And we'll do background checks.
20:17
Yes, we'll do background checks.
20:20
We have a no molest guarantee is what I'm trying to say.
20:24
Yeah, and our staff will do pinky promises with us
20:27
on top of signing their employment contract.
20:30
Which is legally binding.
20:31
A pinky promise is legally binding.
20:34
Yeah, everyone knows that.
20:35
Yeah.
20:36
But you're a lawyer.
20:37
I wanted to reiterate that.
20:39
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
20:41
Remember that summer I only saw clients interested in the Pinky Promise?
20:45
I do remember.
20:45
That was a busy summer for you.
20:47
Interesting time.
20:48
Yeah.
20:50
I'll always remember 2007.
20:52
Me too.
20:53
Ooh, summer of the pinky.
20:57
Pinky punish.
20:59
Well, I think you'll get a lot of business.
21:04
I think you'll get a lot of business off this.
21:05
Perfect.
21:06
the
21:08
the heartbreak industry
21:11
oh yeah buku bucks
21:13
yeah and sadly there's more heartbreak
21:16
than there is love in this world
21:17
that's just the way it is
21:19
you know what I know this one's going to be a hit
21:22
yeah
21:23
and we make our first million
21:24
sugar crush
21:28
yeah
21:28
I couldn't have said it better myself
21:29
I was thinking we would do a toast
21:33
like of some really expensive champagne or
21:35
cognac. Sounds good to me.
21:39
You better have it
21:40
immediately because
21:42
that's how quickly we're going to make our first million
21:43
off of this.
21:45
Listeners, go to veryfinefriends.com
21:48
to sign up for this,
21:50
I'm sure, or already have it up and running.
21:52
Put yourself on the wait list.
21:53
Hey, but listeners,
21:56
our listeners actually might not need this
21:58
because they're
21:59
imminently lovable. Sizzlers.
22:02
Huge, big time sizzlers.
22:04
Giant, nattied sizzlers.
22:05
man i must have been a really easily entertained baby
22:15
yeah probably um well listeners you won't need this but you probably have friends that don't
22:27
listen to the pod who will need it everyone that listens to the pod finds happiness and love
22:34
but everybody else that doesn't
22:37
go to veryfinefriends.com
22:40
sign up
22:42
and we'll be thinking of you when we toast
22:45
after we make our first million
22:47
what are you going to toast with?
22:51
I mean I love a good champagne
22:52
but I like the idea of cognac
22:54
like a warm brandy kind of thing
22:57
served warm?
22:58
well I mean it doesn't have to be I don't think
23:01
but you can warm it up
23:02
and make it like a, put it in a snifter.
23:04
Oh, is that why? Because your hand warms it up?
23:06
Yeah. What are all the
23:07
alcohols that are like that?
23:10
That go in a snifter?
23:12
Yeah, that you want warmed.
23:15
Because it kind of seems
23:16
gross to me.
23:17
Well, it doesn't have to be, but it like
23:19
depends on... Doesn't it have to be gross?
23:22
It doesn't have to be warm.
23:23
You can learn to just enjoy it.
23:25
Just shut up and put it in your mouth.
23:27
Shut up and drink your hot liquid.
23:29
It's warm from being in my hand.
23:31
Now put it in your mouth.
23:32
Yeah.
23:34
So,
23:34
uh,
23:35
yeah,
23:35
I don't know.
23:37
Brandy.
23:38
Brandy.
23:43
Brandy's the one that I think of.
23:45
Sailor,
23:45
sip.
23:46
Brandy.
23:47
Brandy.
23:48
You're a warm liquid.
23:51
In my warm hand to my mouth.
23:55
Uh,
23:55
all right.
23:56
Well,
23:56
I think that wraps up the invention of the week.
24:00
Okay.
24:01
It's time now for our next segment.
24:08
Oh.
24:11
Sexy Detective.
24:14
All right.
24:19
Do you want to explain this?
24:20
Do you want me to explain it?
24:21
Yeah, I'll give it a go.
24:23
You can pick up the pieces if I drop any.
24:26
Sexy Detective is a revolutionary breakthrough segment.
24:31
where basically this detective,
24:33
and no matter where he is or what scene he's on
24:36
or who he's talking to, he always seems to fall in love.
24:39
How'd I do?
24:41
I think that was perfect.
24:42
Do you want to be the detective or shall I?
24:44
I think you should be the detective.
24:46
And what's your name?
24:48
Detective Ola Fenatry.
24:53
Ola Fenatry?
24:54
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:55
Okay.
24:59
Okay.
24:59
Okay.
25:01
Okay.
25:02
Here we go.
25:03
All the fenitry.
25:04
Don't forget it.
25:04
Okay.
25:09
Oh, wow.
25:10
The bloodbath.
25:12
Oh, this is a really nasty scene.
25:15
I better wait for the other co-workers, the other policemen to get here.
25:19
Oh, detective.
25:20
Oh, we have your first witnessed interview for this crime that's been committed that you are currently at.
25:28
Sorry, Dahlia, I didn't hear a word you said.
25:31
who's this other person here oh why is the witness i'll leave you two to it yeah throw
25:37
some acid on your face i'm getting distracted i will olaf uh hello uh thank you for waiting
25:44
patiently i'm detective olafanitry nice to meet you detective oh smooth alto thank you
25:53
My mother was an alto.
25:56
Did you say your mother was an alto?
25:57
I did, I did, I did, I did.
26:00
I didn't know a man could be born from a sax.
26:06
Like a saxophone.
26:07
Yes, no, sorry, I was dealing with something south of the border.
26:14
This is terribly unprofessional.
26:15
Could you give me a quick spin?
26:17
I'd like to see if all of my witnesses are.
26:21
Oh, of course
26:23
I hope you don't mind
26:25
I'm wearing a real short, short dress
26:28
But I'll give you a spin
26:30
Oh
26:30
Oh
26:31
Oh my god
26:34
Okay, thank you
26:36
Anyway
26:38
Did you see anything?
26:41
And are you free for dinner?
26:43
No and no
26:45
Interesting
26:47
Interesting
26:48
Well, that's okay
26:50
So you saw nothing
26:51
Um, it's interesting is that there's blood on you, which is a nice color on you.
26:57
Do you have a dress that matches that blood?
26:58
Because I would love to pick you up in a dress that looks like blood.
27:02
Oh, detective.
27:04
Oh, you flatter me.
27:07
No, um, all of my dresses are the color of blood that's still inside your veins.
27:14
Sorry.
27:14
No, it's okay.
27:15
It's okay.
27:16
I really shouldn't be asking.
27:17
I keep getting written up for falling in love.
27:20
Oh, really?
27:21
It's not your fault. You're also beautiful.
27:23
Well, thank you, Detective.
27:25
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go.
27:26
I have to return to my job at the laundromat.
27:31
I understand. Goodbye, Clam.
27:34
Oh, thank you for calling me Clam as I exited.
27:38
All right, well.
27:40
Oh, Detective, we have your next witness for you.
27:44
It's a young man, about 20 years old.
27:48
He was delivering newspapers in the area when all this went down.
27:51
He's here to talk to you now.
27:53
You said young man?
27:54
Yes.
27:55
All right, bring him in.
27:58
Sorry about the wait.
28:01
The love of my life just walked out on me on the street.
28:04
That's okay.
28:06
No worries.
28:08
I was just delivering the papes.
28:12
Oh, my God, you sound just like my father.
28:15
Oh, that's weird.
28:18
Did his balls also not descend?
28:22
That's correct.
28:24
I was a C-section from him.
28:28
Anyway.
28:29
I think that's technically your mom and not your dad.
28:34
Oh my God, you're brave enough to correct me.
28:36
A senior detective.
28:37
What's this feeling I'm experiencing?
28:40
Well, I can maybe help you out with crime.
28:46
I'd love to be helped out.
28:48
Okay.
28:49
Why don't we talk about it over lunch?
28:52
Oh, no, that's okay.
28:53
I'm boycotting lunch.
28:56
Oh, that's okay.
28:59
By any chance, would it help you remember anything if we had sex?
29:02
What?
29:03
Before we talked.
29:06
No, no.
29:07
I'm just a simple newsie.
29:10
I just delivered the peeps.
29:13
Newsy, oh, my favorite word
29:18
I'm yearning for you
29:19
What'd you say your name was?
29:22
I didn't
29:23
But it's
29:25
Teeny Tiny Tim
29:27
I'd love to pick you up, Teeny Tiny Tim
29:31
And put you somewhere
29:32
And then come back for you later
29:34
Detective Olaf, I'm sorry
29:35
But the post office says that they need Teeny Tiny Tim back right away
29:39
Tim, here's my number
29:41
Call me
29:42
okay well this
29:44
this has been weird okay
29:47
I forgot to ask him anything
29:49
about this potty
29:50
oh that's okay detective Olaf you
29:53
always manage to pull out a W
29:54
in the end you're our department's
29:57
best
29:57
gumshoe
29:59
thanks that's an old word for detective
30:02
I know I know
30:04
I know yeah well anyways
30:06
your final your final witness
30:08
is here
30:09
well maybe not final I don't know but the last
30:12
the last one to show up to my request,
30:14
uh,
30:16
didn't,
30:17
didn't give me many details about themselves.
30:18
I'll just,
30:19
I'll let you two get to it.
30:20
The way you talk.
30:23
Oh,
30:25
sorry about that.
30:25
I was pining over my assistant.
30:29
That's fine.
30:31
Don't worry about it.
30:34
Um,
30:35
you sound like my dog.
30:36
This is amazing.
30:38
Did you see anything?
30:40
I need to do business.
30:41
I'm,
30:41
I'm really getting distracted today.
30:43
Did you see anything?
30:45
This man was brutally murdered.
30:47
Oh, I can't really see too much.
30:51
I have just skin tags instead of eyelids,
30:55
and they kind of get in the way of my vision.
30:58
God, I wasn't going to say anything, but they are spectacular.
31:01
Have you ever had anyone play with them?
31:05
Playing with them? No.
31:07
No, you know, generally.
31:09
Usually anyone that sees me is immediately turned off.
31:15
I'm so grotesque.
31:17
That's actually my name.
31:18
My parents named me Grotesque.
31:21
So you had those since birth?
31:24
Yeah.
31:25
Since birth.
31:27
I think you should let me take you to that motel over there
31:30
where the pimps and hoes are walking around.
31:33
That one right there.
31:34
I want to take you in one of those rooms
31:36
and I want to show you how much I disagree with your parents.
31:40
No, no, detective, detective.
31:44
Oh, that's hot, yeah.
31:45
Can you say my name too?
31:49
Olafenagry.
31:50
Detective Olafenagry.
31:54
What are you doing?
31:56
Are you wearing underwear?
31:57
No, what is that?
31:58
Is that a giant skin tag coming out from just below your stomach?
32:03
We have a lot in common, don't we?
32:05
Wait.
32:05
Oh, that's not a skin tag.
32:09
Hey, why don't we make out on this dead guy?
32:12
You, me, and our tags.
32:15
I can't make out.
32:17
I was born without a tongue.
32:21
Just like my uncle.
32:24
I'll do all the making out, and you just sit there.
32:27
One-sided making out?
32:29
You never heard of it?
32:30
It's all the rage in Lithuania.
32:33
No.
32:33
God, you just...
32:35
Take off one article of clothing.
32:36
Come on, I've taken a lot of misses today.
32:39
Getting real pissed about it.
32:40
Right, I'll take the extra jacket off that I keep on my hunchback.
32:46
That's it, just drop it on the floor.
32:48
Right.
32:48
Oh my God.
32:50
Oh no, my hunch is cold.
32:52
It okay I make it warm Before we go off and make children did you see anything or not I got to write something down besides horny
33:04
No, no, because of the skin tax.
33:06
Oh, you mentioned that.
33:07
I thought maybe you were holding something back.
33:10
No.
33:11
Well, except my own disgust at myself.
33:17
That's it.
33:18
It's the only thing I have to worry about.
33:19
Don't worry.
33:20
We'll get rid of that.
33:21
I know the Kama Sutra.
33:23
okay
33:25
well good luck with that
33:28
no problem once you go get in bed over there
33:30
I'll be there in five minutes
33:31
yeah okay
33:32
I'm holding the jacket make sure you do
33:35
wow I got one
33:37
this jacket smells so good
33:40
we're all very excited for you
33:42
but we actually have one other witness
33:44
who wanted to show up and say something
33:46
about all the stuff that's going on
33:48
okay well I'm feeling pretty good
33:50
this jacket
33:51
I'm feeling not great. I still feel a little harassed from earlier. I'm not going to lie.
33:56
Oh, would it make you feel better if I spanked you?
33:59
No.
33:59
All right.
34:00
We were in the harassment video together, detective. All right, here's the witness. I'll leave you two to it.
34:06
Hi. How are you?
34:10
I'm great. Thank you.
34:12
Hi.
34:12
I just came to...
34:16
What?
34:16
I'm just coming to tell you I saw some pretty interesting things earlier.
34:22
You did?
34:23
Yeah.
34:23
Can I just say you slur your speech just like my wife.
34:26
No, thank you.
34:27
I'm drunk.
34:28
Oh.
34:30
Okay, you're drunk.
34:31
Oh, that's so you're free.
34:32
Your spirit's free.
34:34
Anyway, I might have some valuable information for you.
34:38
I don't know.
34:40
Okay, well, let's put a pin in that because...
34:43
I kind of woke up from my drunken stupor, and I had a bloody paperweight in one hand,
34:50
and a note on my hand that said,
34:53
Don't forget you murdered somebody.
34:56
Anyway, I don't know if this is useful information or not.
35:01
Side note.
35:02
Yeah?
35:03
I think you and I have the exact same body type.
35:06
Oh.
35:07
I'm a try.
35:07
And I like that.
35:08
I like that.
35:09
Should we test it out and try on each other's clothes?
35:13
No, I was thinking we could have sex
35:15
Oh, that's one thing that we could do
35:19
No, why did I say that?
35:22
Love should come first
35:24
Let me take you on a dinner cruise
35:28
And after the cruise, we'll do it
35:31
Whoa, okay, whoa, okay
35:33
So, uh, I'll just put this note away
35:36
and just...
35:38
I'm sorry, my mind's far, far away.
35:40
I don't know what you're talking about.
35:41
Yeah, can you hold this?
35:43
Yeah, of course.
35:43
Yeah, hang on.
35:45
You hang on to that.
35:46
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:47
And don't mind the blood that's all over it.
35:51
Yeah, no problem.
35:52
Let's go on that dinner cruise.
35:54
No problem.
35:54
I just got to make a quick call to the motel across the street.
35:56
I'm going to be disappointing someone very dear to my heart.
35:59
Oh, grotesque?
36:01
I ran into him on his way over there.
36:04
Don't say that.
36:05
Yeah, no, it's okay.
36:06
We're friends.
36:07
Oh, that's odd.
36:09
Why?
36:11
Hey, wait a minute.
36:14
How would you like to come to the motel?
36:18
The threesome with you and Grotesque?
36:20
You're reading my mind.
36:22
Oh, okay.
36:23
And maybe this guy on the floor.
36:25
We could bring him with.
36:27
I ran into him earlier when he was still alive.
36:30
All right, grab a foot.
36:34
I'm hard.
36:36
Oh, okay.
36:43
Well, I don't think, I don't think the detective solved anything, but he sure was sexy.
36:53
Not a lot of crimes need to be solved.
36:55
No, that's true.
36:56
I've always said that about crime.
36:57
I think too many of them get solved.
37:00
I don't know.
37:03
Yeah.
37:03
It's like, where's the mystery?
37:06
Don't install a mystery.
37:08
Yeah.
37:09
Yeah.
37:10
I mean, I think the people should solve the crimes.
37:14
Yes.
37:15
We should source this to the community.
37:17
Yeah.
37:17
Like I should be able to call my boss and be like, I can't come in today because someone
37:21
was murdered on the block and I'm trying to figure it out.
37:24
If I can't figure it out by tomorrow, I'll be back.
37:26
It's like jury duty.
37:27
Not my block.
37:28
Just the block.
37:29
Yeah.
37:30
Somewhere.
37:31
Jenny's block.
37:31
Yeah.
37:31
Jenny's block.
37:33
Yeah, speaking of which, Jenny, did you solve any murders on that block?
37:38
No?
37:38
No, she was...
37:40
Too busy singing about being from the block.
37:41
Yeah, too busy reminding everyone.
37:43
Maybe use some of those rocks that you got.
37:46
Maybe she murdered someone with those rocks that she got.
37:50
Oh.
37:51
And then so her being like, don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.
37:55
That was like a subtle code to detectives.
37:58
Like, don't be fooled by it.
38:00
It was her being tongue-in-cheek.
38:01
My murder weapons.
38:03
I committed crimes, never got caught.
38:08
I feel like that.
38:09
No matter where I'm from, you know it's not jail.
38:13
Thanks for joining in.
38:14
I felt pretty loud now for a second.
38:16
You're works.
38:17
Well, I would have joined in, but I have no musical talent.
38:21
That's not true.
38:21
I think it is.
38:22
Okay.
38:24
All right.
38:25
You said that was really funny.
38:26
I think it is.
38:28
I think it's true, actually.
38:29
No, but good.
38:30
I've looked into it.
38:31
It's true.
38:32
interesting interesting
38:34
um
38:36
I think that wraps up
38:40
sexy
38:41
sexy
38:44
detective
38:45
um
38:46
I like in your version of
38:52
falling in love with everybody
38:54
it's just let's go bone
38:56
life is short like the guy on the floor
38:58
reminded me this is how we could end up
39:00
I know
39:01
Well, we better not waste any more time then.
39:05
Oh, by the way, the sex I was talking about was lovemaking.
39:07
It wasn't anything crude.
39:09
Oh, good.
39:11
Unless that's what the other person wanted
39:14
and it would be a beautiful thing.
39:17
Very beautiful.
39:18
Yeah.
39:20
Stunning.
39:22
Stunning.
39:24
Yeah.
39:26
Oh my God.
39:27
Stunning.
39:31
okay well because we have we don't know how much time we have left on this earth we better do
39:38
our final segment which is the big question the question is very big
39:48
well sizzlers know this is the point in time when i go francis you have a big question i didn't and
39:57
then as soon as the sound of the big question came out i thought of one whoa it's like a pavlovian
40:03
thing it makes you think of questions i guess that's cool yeah maybe it was all the detective
40:11
motel sex i've been having lately jarred my memory sometimes that'll do it something that'll knock
40:15
something loose yeah something yeah okay um here's the big big big question question is
40:24
if you have you seen the movie jawbreak i don't know why i said that heartbreakers
40:31
i have seen jawbreaker i have not seen heartbreakers jawbreaker the knockoff heathers movie
40:37
yeah it's 90s heathers um okay here's the deal okay if i tap if i tasked you
40:48
with
40:49
you know how people joke about
40:52
like finding some old
40:56
man who's like super rich
40:58
yeah if I tasked you
41:00
with having to like win one of them over
41:02
wait is this the movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt
41:04
yeah maybe who else is in it
41:06
it's like Sigourney Weaver I was gonna say
41:07
I was thinking Susan Sarandon but I knew that wasn't right
41:10
and
41:11
Ray Liotta
41:13
the late great
41:16
yeah okay sorry keep going no it's okay i was thinking of ray
41:21
so you have to like win over this old rich man who's like got super like mooku generational
41:30
wealth and people like around him know what you're up to but you have to like come up with a way to
41:35
get his money and i'm going to take notes okay so people around know what i'm trying to do
41:46
I wouldn't say they know, but I would say that they were suspicious
41:48
because you're this young, hot thing, obviously.
41:51
Right.
41:52
Yeah.
41:53
Buku.
41:57
Okay.
41:58
Okay.
42:05
I would...
42:08
What would I do?
42:13
Do I know any more information about him?
42:15
he's been married once before but she died oh okay he has 700 million dollars liquid
42:22
oh that's nice yeah and he lives on the west coast okay
42:29
his name's kyle that's a weird name for an old man i think i feel like kyle's a younger
42:37
generation name well they do get old kyle's age yeah you didn't know this yeah it was recently
42:44
on Snopes. I saw that.
42:52
Old reliable.
42:54
Okay.
42:59
I would
43:00
take up surfing.
43:05
But I would not be very good at it.
43:08
I wouldn't invest too much time.
43:11
Well, I'd invest enough to be actually competent,
43:13
but not so much that it's like I can't fake it.
43:19
I need to look bad at surfing is my point.
43:25
Okay.
43:26
So Kyle, he has a beachside mansion.
43:33
He walks along the beach every day.
43:37
And he thinks about his dead wife and how he misses her.
43:40
Yeah, because they used to do that.
43:41
Yeah, that used to be their thing.
43:43
so i would find out where he lives surf right in front of his beach but i would have some kind of
43:53
big accident comical accident not a tragic accident where i get into like a surfing
44:00
oh no i'm like kind of like struggling out in the waves help help kyle who's still
44:08
pretty fit for his age.
44:11
He kind of runs in
44:12
and he kind of like meets me halfway and
44:14
I'm like, oh, the
44:16
surfboard, it pulled me
44:17
back into the riptide and I
44:20
just, I didn't think I could be able to get out and think
44:22
God you were here. I went too far away.
44:24
I'm too far from land
44:26
and I didn't, I'm just not
44:28
I'm not good enough. I'm not used to this.
44:30
And he would be, he'd bring me in
44:32
and he'd bring me to the beach
44:33
and be like, oh no, it's okay. It's okay.
44:36
Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. How do you feel?
44:38
I'd be like, thank you. Thank you so much. I, I like, I can't even tell you, like, I thought I
44:44
was going to die and you saved me. And I really, really appreciate that. And he would feel like,
44:50
kind of like a hero. Right. Um, and, um, then he, we would get to talking and he would
45:03
have this kind of like affection for me. Like he'd now he feels he saved my life. Right.
45:10
So he's got this feeling of like, Hey, like I kind of want her life to work out well. So then
45:16
we'll be, he's like, Hey, Hey, you're feeling still shaking. You're, you're looking, you're
45:21
shaking. And I'd be like, Oh yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so he's a come up to my,
45:25
my mansion. It's right here. And I'd be like, Oh my God, you own this is amazing.
45:30
good well I'm glad you're blessed in life because you should be a hero like you right
45:35
come up butter him yeah come up have some tea get out of your wetsuit or whatever and I'd be like
45:44
no this is too much you've done too much for me he's like no no no come on come on come up
45:48
so then I go up um um he'd give me his robe to wear a monogrammed probably yes but like big and
45:58
fluffy so i'm not revealing much right because it's now i'm just wearing like more clothes it's
46:02
like so anyway so that's it's not like like a i'm not trying to make this sexual at all yeah
46:08
um and then he'd we'd be over tea and he'd be like so what are you trying to do
46:15
with your life oh there you go
46:19
and i tell him what are you up to
46:24
so what are you on about yeah so what's really going on here
46:28
no he would be inquiring about my life tell kyle and i'd tell him i'd i'd tell him that um
46:36
i you know i'm i'm working right now for somebody else but i have an idea for a business
46:43
um that i would want him to i i mean that it was like i am i it's like this idea that i've
46:51
been working on for years. Um, I'm just like working right now. I have like, I'm in the stage
46:57
of like working to get this idea off the ground. Um, and this, uh, this idea of, um, a network of,
47:07
of roads that are specifically designed for child drivers, children can get them to those places.
47:18
brilliant yeah thank you
47:21
because when I explained to him I would teach his independence
47:25
to children Montessori driving school
47:29
basically yes but not even driving school driving life
47:33
yeah it's a real world practical application thing
47:37
and I'd explain you know like I talk about it and I'd have a great command
47:41
of all of this I wouldn't even need to like pull out a business plan or anything I'd have like
47:44
facts and figures all like memorized and whatever to show that like this is really something this is
47:49
like this takes up most of my thoughts most of the time right and he'd be like that's that's
47:55
really interesting that's really interesting he's like you know i have grandkids then they are kind
48:01
of they're too used to being chauffeured around they're they've gotten used to the nice life i'm
48:06
i mean i'm rich and like you know i understand um and like that's it's the blessing and the curse
48:13
of having money, right?
48:14
It's like, that's why I'm grateful.
48:15
I've had to work for everything
48:18
because I wouldn't want anything handed to me, right?
48:20
And he'd be impressed with that.
48:23
And so then I'd thank him for the tea,
48:30
just, and he'd say, thank you.
48:33
You're like, oh, what a pleasant afternoon
48:35
this ended up being.
48:36
I'd be like, yeah, thank you so much.
48:37
It was so great meeting you.
48:38
I'm so sorry I was a bother.
48:39
you know, please, if you're ever in my coffee shop, you can come like free coffee on me.
48:48
Anytime you come by, he'd say, thank you. Thank you. Or tea. Cause we, we had tea together.
48:55
And then I'd wait a few days, a few days later, I would send him one of, I would send him a little
49:01
child car and I was a little note and it was like, thanks again for saving my life
49:07
here for the grandkids, a little demo version.
49:13
And he'd see it and it would be cute.
49:14
It's going to look cute.
49:15
It's like a little car.
49:16
It's adorable, right?
49:17
A great gift.
49:18
Yeah.
49:19
And it's like, and it's not weird because I know where he lives
49:21
because I was there He saved me So it like it all very cool Then he going to be like thinking about this for a little while It going to be sitting in his foyer You know his big marble foyer
49:33
Foyer, foyer.
49:34
He's going to be sitting in his foyer thinking about for you.
49:37
Yeah.
49:40
And then eventually he'll be, he's going to,
49:48
he's going to be thinking about it.
49:49
It's going to be funny.
49:49
his grandkids come over and they try it out
49:52
and actually surprisingly
49:53
they stop looking at a screen for a few hours
49:57
they're playing with this thing
49:59
they don't even ask him to get them things from the kitchen
50:03
they just drive to the kitchen and get it themselves
50:05
he's like wow this really is
50:08
making them more independent
50:10
and then so he comes to the coffee shop
50:14
probably about a week and a half later
50:18
10 days amount of time yeah yeah he comes about 10 days later and he's like hey and i was like oh
50:25
there he is there's my savior and then he laughs and then i laugh and i already have a tea ready
50:30
when i see him walk in i have a tea ready for him and he's he's like do you have a break coming up
50:35
i'm like yeah you know what i do hang on let me let me just put my apron down so then go we sit
50:41
at the table and he's like, you know, this is a really great idea. I, I think that like, I want
50:49
to help you with this. And I say, no, I appreciate, I appreciate that, but no, like this, the whole
50:54
point of this is independence. I don't want, so I don't want, I don't want just to be given
51:00
something. I want the kids need to be independent when they're driving. I need to be independent
51:05
to get them to drive, right?
51:07
And he would be impressed by that.
51:09
And he'd be like, are you sure?
51:12
I'd be like, no, no, no, no, please.
51:14
No, no, I really appreciate just the encouragement
51:16
of someone who's like so successful like you
51:18
is really helpful to me.
51:19
It like validates my idea,
51:21
gives me an extra like fire under my ass.
51:25
I wouldn't say ass because that's uncouth.
51:27
And he's a couth gentleman.
51:28
and
51:30
so he
51:33
so then he would be like alright
51:36
and then he leaves and then he kind of becomes
51:38
a regular at the coffee shop
51:39
and so then you know we get to talk and then
51:42
we're like friendly
51:44
and stuff and so then like he
51:45
one day he's like hey you want to come to dinner
51:48
I have reservations at this place
51:49
it's like new it's nice
51:51
I want to try it out I'm like yeah sure let's do it
51:54
go to dinner again
51:56
he tries to get me to take money
51:57
for this business idea,
52:02
then he's like,
52:05
this just feels like it goes,
52:08
he's like, no, no, no, don't think of it as a gift.
52:10
It's not a gift.
52:12
It would be helpful for me to invest in something.
52:16
I'm liquid.
52:17
$700 million and it's all liquid.
52:19
Oh, he just tells you his fortune.
52:21
Yeah, I know.
52:23
And he's like, and that's not good.
52:24
I need to have it invested in things.
52:27
It's not good to just have 700 million cash
52:29
sitting around not doing anything.
52:30
Well, he doesn't use an exact figure
52:31
because like Jenna said, he's couth.
52:33
He's couth.
52:33
But he intimates the approximate size.
52:37
Yeah.
52:39
But no, he doesn't just pull it out right like that.
52:42
Yeah, he probably uses a funny term
52:44
like I'm almost in the Billy Goat Club.
52:48
Is that a thing?
52:50
I just invented it.
52:51
What does it mean?
52:52
Billy for billion.
52:54
Oh.
52:54
Okay.
52:59
Anyway.
53:02
Then he'd be like, no, this is an investment.
53:06
You'll pay me back.
53:07
When this thing makes you your first million, you pay me back.
53:13
And I'm like, okay.
53:14
When this gets you in the Millie Club.
53:17
The Millie Goat Club.
53:20
And so I was like, all right, okay.
53:23
that works for me.
53:25
And then we sign paperwork
53:26
and it's all like an official business loan.
53:29
Meanwhile, his kids are eyeing me
53:32
because they're like,
53:34
he's never invested in any of my ideas.
53:36
And then they get to,
53:37
so one time he's in my coffee shop,
53:41
the kids come in,
53:42
they get into a big fight with him
53:43
and they're like,
53:44
you're giving money to her,
53:46
giving money to her and not to us.
53:48
And he's like, you have terrible ideas.
53:50
I can't invest in your disposable beret company.
53:58
That's not a practical invention.
54:02
Berets are meant to be worn and worn again.
54:08
So it's like, okay, these kids have bad ideas.
54:11
They're looking for handouts, basically.
54:12
And so he'd be so impressed that I'm not like his kids.
54:16
And so I have this money,
54:19
And then I actually do get this child driving thing off the ground because it is a good idea.
54:24
I have to go in with a good idea to begin with for this plan.
54:28
It is so fresh.
54:29
It is so fresh.
54:31
Yeah.
54:32
No one's done anything like this before.
54:34
No.
54:35
Exactly.
54:36
Which is what appealed to him in the first place.
54:38
Yeah.
54:39
And then you are attractive.
54:41
Yeah.
54:41
No, that's all still in play.
54:43
Yeah.
54:43
But I'm playing.
54:46
I'm playing the long game here.
54:47
because I need, I need him to willingly give me everything. Right. So, yeah. So, uh, my driving,
54:57
uh, driving area for kids gets off the ground. Uh, I do make a lot of money and I pay him back
55:06
with, with interest, with interest. Yes. And a little bonus. I give him, uh, I give him a bonus
55:15
regular size car and then I was like
55:17
I made one your size
55:19
like as a joke but obviously I just bought it from a dealership
55:22
and he thinks that's hilarious
55:23
and then
55:25
to celebrate
55:26
we
55:27
go out to dinner
55:30
we have our brandy and our snifters
55:33
we
55:35
cheers
55:37
each other
55:38
and
55:40
then I've drugged his brandy
55:43
and I have my way with him and then
55:47
he falls in love and gives me his money
55:49
wow
55:51
you were doing so well
55:52
there was no crime up until that
55:57
I know
55:58
up until the rape part at the end
56:01
no it wasn't rape
56:02
he didn't want it
56:04
and how was he dressed
56:06
no
56:07
he didn't pass him out
56:10
it was just
56:10
he had previously mentioned he wanted
56:13
a random drug
56:15
in his brandy
56:16
and you were making his fantasy come true
56:20
yeah
56:21
the part that Jenna forgot to mention is
56:23
she walked in on him five minutes earlier
56:25
where he was just saying aloud to him
56:27
he thought himself
56:28
oh god I love sex but why do you have to be
56:31
conscious for it
56:32
hey I didn't say it knocked him unconscious
56:33
I could have just slipped him some Viagra
56:36
and then made him
56:37
and then it's like wow
56:39
your real desires
56:41
have come true.
56:43
Yeah.
56:44
Whoa.
56:45
Kyle.
56:49
And yeah.
56:50
Like a certain detective we know.
56:52
Yes, exactly.
56:54
Kyle made wood.
56:58
And yeah.
56:59
And then he,
57:00
and then of course it would be so amazing
57:01
that he'd just be like,
57:02
take my money, please.
57:05
Yeah.
57:05
Yeah.
57:06
Your invention days are over
57:07
because your full-time job is...
57:10
Kyle.
57:12
Boning Kyle.
57:13
That sounds like a documentary or something.
57:15
Boning Kyle.
57:17
Yeah, kegling on a pole.
57:21
Okay.
57:21
That's how I do it.
57:23
Your plan to me strikes me as like,
57:26
you're putting in all this effort and work
57:27
and a great idea,
57:28
and then at the end you're just like, fuck it.
57:29
Yep.
57:31
That's kind of what I was going for.
57:32
Beautiful.
57:33
Because no one would see it coming.
57:35
Right.
57:36
It'd be like, there's no way anyone would put in this level of work.
57:39
And you paid him back.
57:40
Yeah, exactly.
57:41
You have to pay him back to show that you're not trying to steal his money.
57:45
Yeah, 100% agree.
57:47
Yeah.
57:47
Thank you for that.
57:48
You're welcome.
57:49
I'm going husband hunting later.
57:51
What are you going to do?
57:52
Well, I know.
57:58
Let's just go straight into bribery.
58:01
Not bribery, blackmail.
58:02
Yes, there it is.
58:04
I'm going to plant some heinous material on their computer.
58:10
And I'm going to call and change my voice.
58:14
And I'm going to be like, I want all your money.
58:18
And if you don't give me your money, go ahead and go to your computer right now.
58:23
Look at the file that's on the main home computer.
58:26
See what it says?
58:27
It says surprise file.
58:29
Hashtag dirty, dirty born.
58:31
Go ahead and open it.
58:32
and then they open it but i've already hacked his um webcam so it's like i keep the one hand you can
58:38
see the screen and then on the other screen you can see his face i'm like i got you and he's looking
58:43
at everything and he's like i didn't do this and like you know what's ever gonna believe that
58:47
so and then he would just give me the money because he'd be so scared if you call anyone
58:54
i've got your phone stamped everywhere you go and following you for months i once dressed as
58:59
the seat in your car. I sat right next
59:01
to you and you had no idea.
59:03
I know everything you know.
59:07
Anyway,
59:07
fear is a powerful motivator.
59:11
So,
59:12
basically it. I think that would work too.
59:16
Yeah. And it's definitely
59:17
a shorter plan than mine.
59:20
It's more, it's riskier.
59:22
If you can have a security team waiting to
59:23
like find me and kill me, but like. Yeah, mine,
59:25
he's still happy to give me the money.
59:27
Yeah. There's no bad blood.
59:29
I don't care about that.
59:31
I have places to be in money to spend.
59:33
His money.
59:35
Did you say he was in his car
59:38
and you were in the seat next to him
59:39
and he didn't even know?
59:40
Because I was dressed as a seat.
59:47
I didn't even hear that.
59:48
I didn't either.
59:50
Good.
59:51
Maybe I didn't say it.
59:52
Maybe I just thought it.
59:56
Cool.
59:56
I'm glad we're both going to be 700 millionaires.
59:59
Oh, yeah.
59:59
we're gonna we're on our way to oh we can combine and we can be in the billy goat club
1:00:04
i like that yeah okay well thanks good times um i think that wraps up the big question
1:00:14
the big question yeah did you like the big question it was a good big question me too
1:00:19
thanks sigourney
1:00:20
i wish i just said the whole plot of that movie that would have been funny
1:00:26
yeah I told you I hadn't seen it
1:00:28
so though yeah
1:00:29
when I'd have my younger daughter
1:00:32
they were supposed to be like mother and daughter
1:00:34
right yeah well they were they weren't supposed to be they were
1:00:36
oh yes sorry
1:00:38
yeah that's okay I just wanted you to know
1:00:39
thank you
1:00:40
well time for one final bit of business
1:00:44
secret words
1:00:46
oh yeah secret words
1:00:48
yeah
1:00:48
we'll get to that motel later hold on grotesque
1:00:52
we'll be there soon
1:00:53
god I hope that's not your word
1:00:57
you said it
1:00:58
oh yeah that's right
1:01:00
I guess it's not your word I'll cross it off my list
1:01:04
or should I
1:01:05
are you playing the long game here
1:01:07
sick bitch
1:01:09
I don't think
1:01:12
I have your word
1:01:13
during that middle segment there were
1:01:15
two words you said like back to back
1:01:18
and I was like I'm going to write both of them down
1:01:20
and then I didn't write them down and I forgot what they were
1:01:22
Well, I'm going to be confident.
1:01:23
I'm going to be cocky and confident right now, which usually I never am.
1:01:26
Yeah, you're not.
1:01:27
And I'm going to say that I don't think you're going to get my word.
1:01:30
Okay.
1:01:30
I agree with you on that.
1:01:32
So.
1:01:33
All right.
1:01:34
Should I just guess?
1:01:35
Start the G in.
1:01:38
Is your word minimizing?
1:01:40
No, I think you guessed that before, like another episode.
1:01:43
Really?
1:01:43
Yeah, I think.
1:01:45
Is your word alto?
1:01:48
No.
1:01:49
Is your word heartbreakers?
1:01:52
No.
1:01:53
That would have been a nice...
1:01:55
Yeah, it would have been great.
1:01:56
Is your word tasked?
1:01:58
No, I saw you write that one down.
1:02:01
Is your word buku?
1:02:02
I saw you write that down too.
1:02:04
No.
1:02:05
Is your word billy goat?
1:02:07
No.
1:02:10
And I only have one more guess.
1:02:11
Okay.
1:02:12
Heinous?
1:02:13
No.
1:02:14
Dam.
1:02:15
Dam, dam.
1:02:16
Dam.
1:02:17
My word was yearning.
1:02:21
Yearning?
1:02:21
Yeah.
1:02:21
when did you say it?
1:02:22
I said it was yearning for you during the detective
1:02:24
sexy detective
1:02:25
wow
1:02:27
that played right into that segment
1:02:30
I thought you weren't going to get it
1:02:31
too perfect
1:02:33
my decoy word was cognac
1:02:36
oh
1:02:38
nice
1:02:40
I wish we got points for you saying it
1:02:42
I said it yeah
1:02:44
cheers with some
1:02:48
well you got me because I thought that was a great thing
1:02:50
to cheers with
1:02:51
yeah thanks
1:02:52
well cognac
1:02:53
well nicely done
1:02:56
so I guess grotesque wasn't your word
1:02:58
no I don't think you're gonna get Jonah's either
1:03:00
he might
1:03:01
skin tag
1:03:07
no
1:03:08
skin tags
1:03:10
nope
1:03:11
hate that little technicality
1:03:12
yep
1:03:13
oh I wrote down skin tag twice that's interesting
1:03:16
robe
1:03:18
nope
1:03:19
revenge nope
1:03:24
thanes no why'd you take so long i was trying to remember when i said oh the
1:03:31
all the blood yeah okay hooray no i knew you were gonna guess that fluffy no uncouth nope
1:03:42
koof no okay i'm out of guesses no my secret word was paperweight damn oh your murder weapon
1:03:53
yep shit yeah i thought you might have like thought that that was weird but i was a perfect
1:04:02
murder weapon yeah okay good that's what i thought too i was like this is actually a pretty great
1:04:06
place to put this we both slipped our words into the murder yeah although yours fit way more with
1:04:11
the segment. Don't sell yourself short. Thanks.
1:04:16
And then my decoy word, I was annoyed.
1:04:19
I said it a couple times because I wanted you to pay attention to it and you clearly did not.
1:04:23
You went with the flow. My decoy word was molest.
1:04:30
I said multiple times
1:04:32
we have a no molest guarantee. And you were just on board with that.
1:04:36
Definitely. We're not going to molest.
1:04:38
nothing gained or lost
1:04:42
but I need to make up ground
1:04:44
because I think you made up ground
1:04:45
the last couple weeks
1:04:46
I looked on the website today
1:04:48
and maybe it's not up to date
1:04:50
listeners it will be up to date
1:04:55
for when episodes air
1:04:57
I should never say anything against the pod
1:04:59
I'm so sorry
1:05:00
how dare you
1:05:02
listeners
1:05:03
Francis will be leaving the pod
1:05:06
we'll be taking him out back and blowing his brains out.
1:05:09
Yeah.
1:05:10
No,
1:05:11
if you go to very fine friends.com,
1:05:13
there should be an up to date total with when,
1:05:16
when this episode airs,
1:05:18
the total will be up to date.
1:05:21
Yeah.
1:05:21
I was lying by the way.
1:05:22
Um,
1:05:23
and if you are a rich man named Kyle,
1:05:26
hit us up on social media at very fine friends.
1:05:29
Yeah.
1:05:30
You won't be killed.
1:05:31
No,
1:05:31
we promise you won't.
1:05:32
We're blackmailed.
1:05:33
We're raped.
1:05:35
We have a no less.
1:05:36
We have a no molest guarantee.
1:05:40
All right.
1:05:41
Well, that's it.
1:05:43
Bye.