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COUPLES THERAPY: Rich & Stacey & the worst date ever. · Johnjay & Rich On Demand

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Broadcasting live across the world.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Right now, this is the John Jay and Rich radio program.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the John Jay and Rich Couples podcast today,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: featuring Rich Vera and his spouse Stacey Vera. Hello, Hi,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: how's it going.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: It's good.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Have you had a busy day?
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: I always have Busyess.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: You totally have no time for me right now?
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Well, no, I enjoy these podcasts though, because it's you know,
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: it's fun for us.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true, So I don't.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I do have time because this is enjoyable.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: So I before you came down, I jumped on the
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Instagram and said we were doing this podcast. I said,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: if you have any questions for Stacy specifically Stacy and
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: me too, but most of them are you about me.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Oh that's fun. I like that.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Somebody said, since you both live in the world of
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: production in Stacy, you are known for having a producer's
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: brain for putting on shows like Miss Arizona. Yeah, what
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: is the one thing about Rich's job or style that
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: drives your production brain a little crazy?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Okay, wait say the question again because
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I want my first gut reaction.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Since you both live in a world of production and content,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: What's one thing, Stacy about Rich's work style that drives
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: your producer brain a little crazy?
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: It is that you will present a concept without filling
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: in all the blanks, Like what like you're doing right now?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: That is a contrapt Yeah I'm doing it to you now. No,
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: But like you might have an idea for say a game,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: and you'll be like, and then we're gonna do A
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: and D, but you don't give me the B and
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: the C.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: No, that that's probably true because I'm like, I'm like,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: already three miles, already d down the roads.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Oh I know, well, but if I may, I'm the
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: same way. So it drives me nuts from a production standpoint,
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: But from a creative standpoint, I'm exactly the same. So
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: I give you some grace.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: All right. Here's another one I think is hilarious. Okay,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: this is from Reddit. Okay, Rich, Stacy, there's actually a
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: fan thread about how robust both of your vocabularies are.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Shut up using words like sauntered, satiates, enigmatic. I love those.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Words saunter especially.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, challenge Stacy if we were on a team for
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: scrabble or yachtzi words which one of us is actually
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: the brain, in which one of us.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Is just guessing, Oh, I'm the brain.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I think that's obvious, right. Give me one of your
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: favorite smart person words, Stacy, and one rich if somebody
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: listening can use in the conversation to make them sound smart. Magnanimous, magnanimous. Okay,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: use it in a sentence.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: His attitude towards the five oh one C three nonprofit
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: is magnanimous at.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Heart, which means giving.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Giving, generous. Just yes, basically all of the nice well.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Words, Stacey, I'm going to use a word that maybe
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe you don't know, And I don't mean
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: to be pejorative about your word. I just won that round.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: No, you did not pejorative? Is is we say it's
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: secondary to magneticy.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: If we pull the public, they're going to say, I
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: don't hear pejorative a lot. I've heard magnanimous.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: No, I think it's the opposite.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Like when you refer to somebody as a magnanimous bastard. No,
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I never know you'd be magnificent.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Mag movie the like inglorious bastards. That was a movie,
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: But nobody says magnanimous bastards.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Stacy. Yes, spokesperson voice, you've spent years as a university
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: market speaker. People know a lot about you.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: How do they know that I save that twenty years ago?
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: What life lesson do you preach at big schools that
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: you've realized is actually a lot harder to follow? Now,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: that's a really good one.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Oh what kind of person wrote that they are smart?
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: That's great? So for people who know Stacey wrote a
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: book a long time ago when you graduated, right, and
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: it's out there on Instagram?
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: No, you mean on Amazon?
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I mean on Amazon? Yeah, published book and then you
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: toured on that book across college campuses for seven years,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: six years something like that. About how many colleges would
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: you say that you went to?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: At least one hundred?
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Any IVY leagues?
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, Princeton and Yale.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: That's what this says. She taught at Princeton and Yale,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: or she spoke at Princeton and Yale. Yeah, and I
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: didn't know if that was true.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: No, of course, yes. And you know what was super
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: fun when I was at Princeton they were filming the
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: movie A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe at Princeton, because
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: it was like that was their set, and I was
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: like steps away from the cast, it was really really
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: cool to a lot like, yeah, that was a fun little.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: How did you like the actual movie? I loved the
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: movie because you were there or because it's a really
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: good movie.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Both.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, now let's answer the question. Okay, so the
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: question again, what's a life lesson that you used to
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: preach at ivy League schools like Yaler Princeton that you've
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: realized is actually a lot harder to follow? And you
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: know what it says in your marriage to rich.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: Oh well, I mean whoever wrote that is like they're
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: digging holes dig Yeah. I mean my initial answer and
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: I guess it could apply in the marriage too, is
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: I would speak very very specifically and clearly on two things,
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: perfectionism and people pleasing, and I would warn against both.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: But I will say it is very hard to not
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: be a people pleaser.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I think you're more of a perfectionist than a people pleaser.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Do you think you're more of a people pleaser than
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: a perfections I do, now I do.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I think in the past I was more of a perfectionist,
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: but the older I've gotten, the more And I'm not
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: trying to compliment myself. It just is what it is.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: I feel like I've gotten more compassionate, and it's so
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: hard for me in that I don't want to hurt
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: anyone's feelings ever, and so I try to be kind
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: of a people I don't try to be, but I
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: end up being a people pleaser because I don't want
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: to make anyone sad.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Well, I've definitely seen that.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: So yeah, like even the little dog, remember the little dog.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: What little dog it wasn't It wasn't a person. But
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: we were on a road trip and we stopped to
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: go to the bathroom and there was a little dog
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: outside and I could tell he needed water, and I
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: I literally went in and asked the person at at
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: like the gas station cork site water just because I
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: just like have a bleeding heart for little animals and people.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And that's what the owner of the dog was doing,
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: was going to get the dog water. So the dog
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: was fine.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I did it first. Bet that I beat
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: that owner.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I am going to rescue this dog from its owner
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: who is getting it water on a trip.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I didn't know.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: At the time the dog.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: I was worried about the dog.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: He's just letting it run around a little yard for dogs. Yeah,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: right outside the gas station. It was about seventy.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: No, it was ninety.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: But that's a really good question. So you think that's
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: the hardest in the marriage too, that's the that's the talk,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: that's the hardest. The walk is to not be a
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: people pleaser.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because for example, I'm going to give people an
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: example when you, let's say you're like, hey, I've got
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: to go to this show promotion event, and i'd really
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: like you to come with me. Like, the honest truth is,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: I have so many businesses. I don't have time to
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: go with you, but I don't want to make you sad,
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: so I tend to go with you.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: You don't want to go, Well, baby, I.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Love you and I want to be with you. Of
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: course I want to go, but I don't have time
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: to go, And so then I people please and I
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: end up going to my own detriment because then I
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: have to like do more work when I see.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: People please the people that you work with.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's a very vicious cycle.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: But I don't think you should have talked about this
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: accoulages at all. You were not an expert on this
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: at all.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: No, but back then I was. It was before I
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: was married to you.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: But you were people pleaser long before you married me.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: You're right, and a perfection and a perfection is.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Long before I ever came around. Act I know, so
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: that's just not all all on.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: But I think I went for a good decade not
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: being like that, and then I sort of slipped back
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: into it. But I'm trying. I try every day.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Who is the most likely to still sit in the
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: driveway or a parking lot answering an email or a
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: phone call rather than being inside a restaurant?
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Why inside a restaurant.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Let's say we have a date or a you know,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: an appointment at a restaurant. Oh, me for sure, Yeah,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: it's me. I will hang up on people in the
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: middle if I arrive and somebody's there.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And if I get there and I've got to
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: send an email, I'm going to sit there and send
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: the email.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Last night, you were even talking on the phone as
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: we were walking into somebody's house.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that felt rude. I didn't want but the people pleaser,
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: and I didn't want to offend the person on the
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: other line.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, this says when you guys are late, because apparently
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I talk about us being late to things a lot. Yeah,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: who is more likely to over explain or use a
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: cinematic excuse as to why we are late.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: oOoOO Okay, I would say if we're late, it's nine
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: times out of ten my fault. But who uses the
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: excu or makes the excuse. I'm gonna still say me.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Probably me, Yeah, because when you call a restaurant, you
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: do the you're gonna want to murder us before three
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: minutes late.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't let people in on my trick. But but
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I guess we just did.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I hope nobody else uses that. Yeah, whause I
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: don't think it's good anyway.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Well, no, I think it's very good because when you're
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: late and you make it sound like a worse problem
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: than it really is. If you're like, oh my gosh,
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I am so sorry, you're gonna want to murder me.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: I am running eleven minutes late, they're like, uh no,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: it's okay, don't. I don't want to murder you. It's
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: it's fine, Like, it's okay, you're late. And so if
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: you make it like a bigger deal than it is,
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: then people take compassion on you.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I know why that came up because we talked on
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: the show today about I said, I think spouses. Everybody
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: in a relationship has a little thing that they always
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: lie a little bit about. And I talked about you
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: and me and for me poor a hemplo'm I always
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: tell you how much gear costs.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: You know, you don't not really, I'm just learning.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, yeah, I might say that beautiful microphone that
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: you see in front of you, Yeah, I might have
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: said I found it on eBay so it was, you know,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: pre owned, But I didn't actually tell you what it costs.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be watching
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: you now.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Then what do I do that you're always five
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: minutes away?
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, well.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: And you won't stop. I'm like, you're not five minutes away?
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Well I no. It's it's kind of a revolving
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: like scale in it. If I'm if I'm ten minutes away,
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I'll say I'm six. If I'm three minutes away, I'll
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: say I'm one. But I'm always more minutes away than
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: I really.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: You're always more minutes away.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Always. Because I was talking about everyone knows that.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: How our date. Like last Friday, I was sitting at
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: the mission, I'm sorry, chatting up other people on dates. Yeah,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: because I was jammed in the corner of the restaurant
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: and people are really close to us. Yeah, and I'm
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: talking about like watching on Netflix, like I was part
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: of their.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: Date, right, well, because I was so late.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: In fact, I even got you a drink and thinking
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: when she shows up here, it's going to be icy
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: cold and ready for her. And then you text me like,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: while you're waiting, you might as well order me a drink.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: And then it was all, you know, water down by
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: the time you got there.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: And it was still delicious.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: That's all right, Yeah, it's okay, You're worth waiting foray.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Oh now, wasn't that nice?
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: So, and you're mad at me about the microphone? Do
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: you want to know for real?
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: I really don't.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I'm okay, you're okay.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: I just didn't know you were tricking me.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't think I do it on purpose.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: I think I just to undersell the expense.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Well, and I undersell the time I have left, Like
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, ten seven.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: It's similar like Peyton was saying that she tells a
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: little lie, like she never really admits to having a
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: smoke with a drink when she's not with her her husband, Okay,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: like she might have a little smoke every now and
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: then and he doesn't need to know about it, but
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: he can always tell. Yeah, just like I always know
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: you're not five minutes away. You have never been five
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: minutes away. I know when you're like, i'll be home
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: in five minutes. That could be an hour and a half.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: Right, right, I'm terrible a time.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: You were right, But that's cool. Okay, let's see what
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: else do they ask here? I don't know if there's
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: anything else to ask. Oh no, I think we got
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: them all. Oh here's a good one though, Rich, you
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: were known for your date night posts. They look so fun,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: but be brutally on a stacy. What's one date that
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Rich planned and he was excited about that you thought
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: was just die?
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I've got it. But I don't want
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: to hurt your feelings.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: No, it's okay.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: You're going to hurt your feelings.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: I think it's better for the show that you bring
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: it to the show.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, you were really excited to get one Christmas
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: to go look at Christmas lights, and you like got
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: like hot beverages and like Starbucks, pumpkin bread and you
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: were so excited, and I'm like, yeah, I don't want
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: to drive around in a car and have snacks and drinks.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I want to like go do something. And but I
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I tried to not let on, but I think I
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: did let on that I was not overly excited about.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: How many neighborhoods did we hit? Just one?
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, I I it couldn't have been many, because like,
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: to me, that's not that exciting, Like I want to
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: go do things. I don't want to like look at
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: people's lights.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Like we could have got out and walked around and
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: talked to the people.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: It's still well, that would have been better. That would
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: have been better, You're right, But yeah, like what I
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: would have preferred would be like, say, go to Kierland
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: and walk around the shops and it's all lit up
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: for Christmas. But then there's shops I can be looking at,
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: and there's people, and there's you know, we can pop
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: into the restaurant and get a bout.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And I was all excited about the Christmas.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Music, like the Christmas music, and that we.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Drive around and we see the lights and we have
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Starbucks and that's what we we.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I think should do with our children. But not with
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: on a date like that's just not my idea of fun.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Date that doesn't hurt my feelings.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, yay, okay, that was the only bad date I
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: think we've ever been on. Every other one I really
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: liked that.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: You thought it was bad date.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, I'm that a less than stellar date. How's that?
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: What's the perfect date?
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: The perfect date is? Well, my favorite is when we're like,
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I know this sounds.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Simple, but when we're home by seven fifteen.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Well, indeed, but because I do like myself some sleep,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: But if we go to a restaurant that has really
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: good food, really good drinks, and we sit across from
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: each other and we can just have a really great
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: conversation while having delicious cuisine and beverages.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Cuisine that's a good stay word.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Yes, cuisine and beverages, and you know, and they might
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: even bring here's one at the very beginning in a
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: moos boosh, which I love.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: You know? What in a moos boosh is?
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: No? I do not. I've never even heard that before.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's okay, you know, when we're at restaurants.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: What is a bos a moose boosh? It's when that's
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: not cussing right, No, it's.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: At the beginning of a of a fancy restaurant. Think
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: like when we're in Sedona at that one restaurant, Monarch, Well, okay, yes,
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: they would do it at Monarch or at like Crest,
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: at at the Creek. Like whenever we're at a fancy
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: restaurant and they bring you a bite from the chef
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: and you didn't order it, but they're like, chef would
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: like you to start with this puffed rice.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Like when they bring out chips and salsa.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: No, it's not like chips. I cannot it's at all. Like, no,
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: it's not, but I cannot. It is. You are so
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: wrong right now. No, Think of when they bring like
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: a little like crab puff pastry and on the spoon
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: and it's called an a moose boosh.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: You people know what that is.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: People who are into food totally right now or ask
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Chad GBT it will tell you.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: How do you spell?
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, am us e is the first word a moose,
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: like I cannot wait for this am us And then
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: second word is b o u c h e A moose.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Boosh okay, searching Okay, A tiny one bite appetizer served
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: at the beginning of a meal in fancy restaurants.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what I said.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: The purpose is to wake up your taste buds and
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: amuse your palette for the meal.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: The moose boosh. See you learned something every day.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Wow. Uh yeah, you're fancy.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I win the fancy competition.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you totally win the fancy Well, not that I
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: was ever competing with you there anyway, That is wild.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Never have I ever heard of such a thing.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Well you've had quite a few of them, though, But
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I guess you're like, oh, this is like tiny chips
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: and salsa.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, this isn't that what chips and salsa do?
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: They awaken your taste buds, set the table for the meal.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Although I like a couple of extra baskets and chips myself.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I took a couple more of those bouches. All right, Well,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: this is a good place to wrap up, although because
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: now I'm hungry. Yes, but I was thinking of a
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: back of one of the questions. I know what it was.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: So you did talk about something, and before we leave,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: let me get an actual piece of advice from you
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: that you would talk about on your tour that maybe
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: we should, maybe that women should here because you largely
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: talk to women on college campuses about, you know, loving
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: yourself through God's eyes right and seeing yourself that way.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: And when you warn against perfectionism, do you admit when
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: you talk to women that you have a perfectionist streak
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: in you? And do you say it's also gotten me
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: here where I can speak to you. But here's why
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: it's bad. What do you say to why you should watch?
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Why is perfectionism batter well perfection?
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: The pursuit of perfection is something no one can achieve
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: because perfection is literal flawlessness, and all humans have flaws.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: And so for a person to think that they're unable
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: or they shouldn't have anything wrong with them is setting
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: yourself up for disappointment and failure and sadness. And so
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: being determined and a hard worker is different than being
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: a perfectionist. So I can be a speaker on a
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: college campus and have a great message, but I don't
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: have to be a perfectionist to achieve that. I can
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: just be a hard worker and passionate about the cause
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: I'm speaking on. So, in summary, what I would say
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: to the women I spoke to was Your identity shouldn't
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: be wrapped up in how how flawless you are in
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: how you look and how you you accomplish things, in
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: how you look on paper or look in a photo.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Your worth is dependent upon just who you are as
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: a child of God. And I believe that every person
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: who was, who has ever walked the earth is created
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: by God and has inherent worth. And it's only when
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: we we embrace that fact.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: How do you embrace that.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: By honestly, by realizing it, like by by looking at
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: yourself as worthy separate and apart from performance. And that's
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: that's a discipline.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say, is that a mantra that you
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: almost have to write down every day so that you
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: until it starts sticking.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And honestly, a relationship with God through prayer and
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: reading the Bible and that type of thing helps with
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: that because it focuses you on things that are truly
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: significant and not on the things that the world says
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: are significant, like the way you look, in the way
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: you act and your achievements. That's worldly credentials. God's credentials
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: and his standard for us is so very different. It's
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: based on character, not performance.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I bet you she's somebody listening to this got hit
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: right between the eyes with that today.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: Well, I hope they did, because I miss doing that
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: and I'd like to do it again.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I think you should. You're one of the best speakers
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I've ever seen. I really hope you do that. That's
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: why I always ask you questions. We're on the show.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: People hear me all the time. They know I'm an idiot.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: Well yes, you and you're a mooz boosh.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: All right, let's wrap up this podcast. Thank you for listening.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Thank you Stacy for being part of Couple's Therapy.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: Love you, I love you.