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The Dangerous Lie of “Functional Alcoholism” · Recovering Out Loud

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  High functioning Alcoholics and addicts.
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  You hear this all the time. Some people lose jobs,
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  relationships and housing because of addiction.
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  They lose it all. They come in broken.
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  Others maintain careers, families, reputations, and
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  outward success. Everything looks good on the
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  surface, but they're dying inside.
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  They don't understand what's wrong with them.
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  If someone appears successful and stable, can addiction still
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  be present? How do we define a functional
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  alcoholic, an addict and how do we get out of it functional?
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  Hello everybody, welcome back to Recovering out Loud podcast.
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  I'm your host Anthony. I'm an addict, an alcoholic.
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  Potential is the great curse word of every alcoholic is what
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  could you be doing instead? If you weren't drinking, what
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  could you be doing? Are you living up to your full
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  potential in addiction? I would argue most likely not.
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  The term high functioning addiction is commonly used in
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  public discussion, but it is not an official diagnostic category
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  in clinical manual such as the DSM 5 S.
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  Today I'm going to talk about why these situations are harder
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  to recognize, psychological denial mechanisms, social
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  masking, and internal consequences that remain hidden.
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  Like I said, it's like the duck paddling in the ocean.
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  Everything seems to be good on the outside, but below water,
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  the duck is freaking out and paddling like crazy.
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  So what do people mean by high functioning?
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  In public conversations, high functioning usually refers to
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  individuals who maintain employment.
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  As long as I have my job, everything's OK.
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  Don't leave me alone. Nothing's wrong with me.
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  I've still got my job. I don't have a problem.
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  Fulfill family responsibilities. I'm showing up for my kids.
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  I'm showing up for my life. I'm showing up to family
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  outings, avoid obvious external crisis.
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  So on the outside nothing is really crumbling.
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  I've got it together, barely, but I've got it together.
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  Their life appears stable from the outside, so because the most
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  visible signs of addiction are absent, people around them may
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  not suspect a problem. I got my home, I'm not homeless.
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  I've got it under control of social up to work.
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  Like I said, some of these examples include professionals,
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  parents, students, people with strong routines, people you
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  would never see or suspect to be an addiction or alcoholism.
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  There was a time in my addiction where I from the outside
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  appearance, you would think I was just partying hard.
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  I was a heavy drinker, a heavy user.
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  I didn't necessarily have an addiction.
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  That's what it would seem to be on the outside.
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  But for me it was the thought pattern around it.
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  When I wasn't using, I was thinking about how to get it and
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  how to use, and when I was using, I had little or no
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  control, little or no power or choice in the matter.
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  I didn't know what was going to happen.
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  I always say it was like playing Russian roulette.
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  Whenever I pick up a drink, I don't know if I'm going to stop
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  after two or I don't know if I'm going to go on for three weeks.
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  That was the nature of my situation.
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  It really was like playing Russian roulette.
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  Here are some of the denial mechanisms that you hear.
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  Denial is a strong, powerful force.
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  Honestly, denial can operate in several ways.
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  Comparison. So at least I'm not as bad as
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  Tim down the street. At least I'm not, you know,
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  using heroin. I'm only drinking.
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  I'm only drinking. I'm only smoking weed.
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  You hear that a lot, comparing oneself to extreme examples of
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  addiction. I'm not homeless.
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  I have a job. Next we have functional
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  justification. I still go to work, I pay my
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  bills, my family is taken care of.
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  Functional justification. Then we have normalization.
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  So heavy use can appear normal in some social professional
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  environments. I'm not really out of control.
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  I'm not blacking out delayed consequences.
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  If major consequences have not yet appeared, the behavior may
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  feel manageable. So I still have all these
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  things. There's no real consequences.
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  Denial may not always be deliberate deception.
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  It can operate as a psychological defense against
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  controlling confronting difficult realities.
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  So it can operate as a psychological defense.
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  I am my addiction is keeping me sick.
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  I don't want to face the harsh truth of the situation that I
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  may not have control or I may be different than my fellows.
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  So I'm going to keep denying it internally.
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  Sometimes this is a subconscious thing that we don't even realize
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  we're doing. Next we have social masking, so
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  social rules can make substance problem.
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  Some examples of this professional success I'm I'm
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  covering my addiction with success on the outside, so I'm
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  working harder at work to prove that I don't have a problem with
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  drugs and alcohol. High achievement, responsible
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  appearance. I'm keeping the stage character.
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  It talks about this in literature that a lot of us are
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  a part of. The alcoholic has a double life.
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  He presents his stage character to the world.
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  This is the perception that I want you to see.
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  Meanwhile, I'm a different person when I'm not around
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  people. Integrity.
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  Doing the right thing when no one was watching.
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  I lack integrity. I am.
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  I'm living a double life. I have a secret life.
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  I am presenting this character that I want you to see.
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  I'm acting. I'm putting on masks when I'm
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  out in the world. So social expectations can
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  influence perception. People may assume that someone
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  with a stable career cannot have a serious problem.
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  Cultural stereotypes. Stereotypes, often about
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  addiction, often focus on visible collapse.
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  So at least I'm not collapsing, I'm not that bad.
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  Masking behaviors may include hiding consumption patterns,
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  using substances privately. This double life, The Secret
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  Life I used to use in my car all the time so that people wouldn't
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  know how bad it was. I used to use a loan in hotel
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  rooms so people wouldn't know how bad it was because I was
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  ashamed by it. It all comes down to shame.
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  Carefully controlling when and where use occurs.
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  So I'm, I'm managing my life by putting out what I want you to
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  see. I'm only having I'm maybe, let's
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  say I, I pre drink 3 beers at home before going out.
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  You hear that a lot. I'm using and drinking before I
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  go out so that people don't know I've already had 6 beers that by
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  the time I have three more with you, I'm at 9:00.
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  But you don't know that. This attic brain is very
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  cunning, baffling and powerful. Manipulation is a key to keeping
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  the addiction alive. And then we have some
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  environments that normalize heavy drinking or substance use.
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  There's some professions that it's normal.
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  Construction is one of them. Everyone's drinking and using
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  what's wrong with me? I'm not that bad.
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  So more examples of the corporate culture, social
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  nightlife, that's a big one. Bartenders and and people that
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  work at clubs and stuff. Everyone's doing it so it it
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  must not be that bad. This normalization can make
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  problematic use harder to recognize we're wearing masks.
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  The internal consequences of all this, even when life, even when
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  external life appears stable, internal consequences may still
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  occur. Possible interaction impacts are
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  mental strain. So everything's good on the
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  outside, but inside I'm dying. I have anxiety through the roof.
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  Low level anxiety is just following me around like a like
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  a stalker. Irritability, mood swings, those
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  are some of the mental strains. Some of the cognitive effects
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  include difficulty concentrating.
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  I can't focus on my work. I can't focus on things that I
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  care about because I'm thinking I'm premeditating, I'm planning
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  to get high or drunk, Difficulty concentrating.
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  Decision fatigue is another one. Then we have emotional
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  isolation, so hiding behavior from others, feeling
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  disconnected, lonely, alone. Then we have escalation.
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  Risk tolerance increases over time.
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  So I'm using more to get the same high because my body is
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  adapting, my brain is adapting, needing more substance for the
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  same effect. This was particularly true in my
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  case. When I relapsed, I was taking
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  way more pills than I originally was at the start.
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  I first started taking it as prescribed.
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  I'm doing that in quotations because I never really took it
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  as prescribed, but over time I needed more to produce the same
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  effect, the same relief, and then more shame comes up and I
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  need to hide that. It's a vicious, vicious cycle.
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  So all this to say, because the consequences remain internal,
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  others may not see the struggle. It's a secret.
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  An example of this may be someone may maintain performance
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  outwardly while experiencing growing distress privately.
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  A good example of this is Tiger Woods.
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  I'm not saying he is or isn't an addict.
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  I don't take his inventory. I won't take his inventory, but
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  we can be stars on the outside. Our careers are flourishing.
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  We're a, you know, a, a pillar in the community.
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  We're a pillar in the public eye.
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  Everything is going so well. But internally we, there's this
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  growing distress that nobody can understand.
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  So I'm not going to share it with anybody because I've got
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  this. I'm figuring it out.
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  The ego comes in to rescue and I'm going to figure this out.
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  I'm going to solve this problem on my own.
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  I don't need help asking for help.
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  One of the hardest things to do, why it's hard for others to
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  recognize. Let's get into that.
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  So cultural images of addiction often emphasize visible crisis.
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  There has to be something wrong in the outside for him to be an
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  addict or her to be an addict. When those signs are absent,
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  abstinent, absent, people may overlook warning signals.
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  Some factors that obscure recognition, professional
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  success, financial stability, social reputation, lack of
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  immediate consequences. External stability can delay
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  conversations about substance use.
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  This is why we see so many people that go on functioning
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  for so long before anyone starts to notice.
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  When does awareness start to change?
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  Recognition often begins when patterns become harder to
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  maintain. So it's harder for me to live up
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  to this double life. I start slipping and I start
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  leaving drugs around. I start showing up to things
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  high that I normally wouldn't show up to.
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  I'm because I'm I'm get become more careless and fuck it I'm
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  already high what's the big deal?
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  It's just it's exhausting to maintain this double life.
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  It really is. Take it from someone that did it
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  for a long time. Other things that may start to
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  appear that we have no control over is health issues.
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  My liver might start to take a beating.
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  I start to I'm more tired. My behavior increasing
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  tolerance, relationship tension. So I'm not as good of a husband
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  as I was when I before I started getting into addiction and then
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  emotional exhaustion. I'm just exhausted.
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  I'm freaking out on people. I'm I can't keep it together.
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  The key idea here is that problems may accumulate rather
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  gradually rather than appearing suddenly.
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  So it happens slowly over time. It's not an overnight matter.
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  The main take away here from all this is addiction does not
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  always look the way people expect.
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  Some questions to reflect on How much do we rely on visible
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  consequences to define addiction?
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  What are my assumptions about addiction?
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  Can someone be struggling even if their external life appears
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  successful? Understanding these patterns may
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  help people recognize struggles earlier, both in themselves and
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  in others. So it's important to start
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  asking more questions instead of being judgmental.
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  Stop assuming things, Walt Whitman says the famous poet.
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  Be curious, not judgmental. Ask more questions.
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  Ask more open-ended questions. Why?
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  Why are you feeling this way? What is this about?
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  What can I do to help? I think for for me, the
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  functional, the term functional addict or alcoholic is so
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  dangerous because it keeps us sick for so long.
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  And the sooner we recognize that we have a problem, the sooner we
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  ask to get help, the better our life can become.
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  Now there's a lot of people out there that may go on the rest of
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  their life just functioning, just coasting along, just being
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  OK with their nine to five job and their addiction, their
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  struggles. That has not been my experience.
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  Eventually things come to a a head and things blow up in my
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  face when I continue to present the stage character to the
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  world. This perception that I want you
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  to see. Eventually I'm going to break
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  down because I can't. It's just so hard to multitask
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  and manage 2 lives to keep up a lie and spin a story and keep
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  the lie going. It's it's extremely exhausting
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  for a lot of us and eventually, like I said, it's going to come
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  to a halt. There are no direct inclinations
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  as to what makes an addict and an alcoholic in terms of
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  quantity. It's about our relationship with
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  drugs and alcohol. It's not about how much or how
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  often we drink. It is my relationship to it.
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  Am I using despite consequences? Am I using when I should, when I
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  would normally be doing other things?
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  Am I, is it occupying a lot of my time?
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  When I start, can I stop? And when I when I'm stopped, can
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  I stay stopped? You know, a good indication of
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  this is if you think that you're not an alcoholic or an addict.
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  Try some more controlled drinking.
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  Go to the nearest bar room and try to take a drink and see if
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  you can stop and do that again and see if you can go sober for
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  a year, right? Try going a full year without a
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  recovery program and doing it on self will.
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  Most people can't do that. Most people they will relapse
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  and it will get worse. But that's not everybody, it's
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  been my experience. So only you can diagnose
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  yourself, an alcoholic, an addict, nobody else can.
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  At the end of the day, what is my relationship to alcohol and
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  drugs? Am I using it to cope?
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  Am I using it to escape? Am I using it more than I want
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  to? Am I using on days that I
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  planned? I wouldn't, I promised myself I
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  wouldn't. These are all indications that
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  maybe you may have a problem with drugs and alcohol, but only
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  you can decide. Please like subscribe, rate the
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  podcast, send it to a friend. I appreciate every single one of
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  you. The podcast is growing and I am
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  so happy to see that I love doing these episodes.
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  We're going to have some more guests on coming up in the
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  summer when I'm done school. There's a lot going on right now
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  with the way my my life is working out.
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  It's working out the way I need, not the way I want.
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  But at the end of the day, I find that what I need and I want
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  are the same thing. I just, my ego likes to tell me
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  that I deserve things and so life is good today.
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  It's not perfect by any means, but outside circumstances are
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  affecting me less and less because I have a relationship
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  with a recovery program with a power greater than myself.
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  What am I going to do today to help the next alcoholic to
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  progress? You either move towards relapse
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  or towards recovery. There's no middle ground.
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  Pick one. I love you.
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  Recovery is simple, not easy.