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What Happens When You OUTGROW A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What happens when you outgrow a narcissist?
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  I know AI know a lot of people have.
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  I know a lot of people are on a pathway to doing it, but that's
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  what we're going to be talking about today, y'all.
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  What happens when you finally kind of open your eyes and you
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  see that you and your narcissistic partner or parent
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  or whoever it is or not on equal playing fields anymore, like
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  you've outgrown them. Y'all were planted in the same
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  soil, but you outgrew them. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  Here to give you the perspective of a narcissist and what was
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  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back folks. Welcome back, Welcome back.
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  Yes, today we're talking about outgrowing them.
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  Seriously. By outgrowing a toxic
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  narcissistic person. What do you think the results of
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  it? What do you think happens when
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  you outgrow them from your end and from the end of a
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  narcissistic person y'all? Also, before we hop too deep in
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  today's episode, y'all my new course, Finding your YWHY, How
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  to Leave a Toxic Narcissistic Relationship is now available.
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  It's up on my website, mentalillness.net.
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  Check it out. Check my courses out, my support
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  group, everything is at mentalillnessmyname.net.
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  Check it out y'all. But yes, what happens when you
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  cause y'all? This damn near is inevitable
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  once you wake up to narcissistic abuse, once you wake up to
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  toxicity, once you wake up to realize and understand what
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  you've been going through and what you've experienced, it's
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  very difficult to not outgrow the narcissistic person, right?
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  It's very difficult to stand in the and be in the same position
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  that you were when you kind of woke up, right?
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  That happens with so many people this for so many people to
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  understand and like it's going to happen.
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  And it yeah, let me be, let me be real.
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  The first thing is probably going to happen to you when you
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  realize you've outgrown it, but you can be sad as hell.
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  Let's be real, you can be sad. You going to feel sadness, Lee?
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  Why the hell I'll be sad for outgrown this abuser?
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  Because you, because you might have spent a long time with
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  them, right? You've given them every single
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  opportunity to grow with you and they refused.
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  They, like you know y'all were both planting in the same soil.
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  You sprouted. You didn't grew towards the sun
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  and whatnot. You've grown towards the sun.
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  You went all the way up and now boom, that's the end of it right
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  there, right? That's the finality.
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  Like there's no, there's nothing else that, that you're going to
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  get from this. Like they, they just, they chose
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  to, instead of growing towards the sun like you, they burrowed
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  deeply. They, they, they were like a
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  damn, they became a mole. A mole or a vole went underneath
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  the ground like a Groundhog. They they went underneath the
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  ground like a Groundhog. So you're going to feel bad,
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  y'all. You might feel sad because you
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  expected, you expected to build a life with this person or you
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  expected this person to be around you forever in some way,
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  shape or form, right? You expected that.
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  But now, now you've awakened and I understand like damn, this
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  might not be happen no more, right?
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  So do you have to be prepared, be prepared to be sad when you
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  outgrow them. That's absolutely going to
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  happen, y'all. I promise you it is.
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  You're going to outgrow them, you're going to feel bad, and
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  then you're going to be sad as hell.
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  And sometimes when you outgrow them, y'all, you're going to
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  feel sad. And that sadness is going to
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  make you feel guilty. Because when you outgrow them,
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  you're going to feel guilty. You're going to be sad, and then
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  you're going to feel guilty about outgrowing them and
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  probably wanting to leave them. Probably wanting to go try to
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  find true happiness somewhere else.
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  Because you know and understand that you cannot find it here in
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  this current relationship dynamic.
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  Again, it's always going to be different if it's a parent or a
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  sibling or someone else like that, right?
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  If it's a part, it's always going to be different.
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  If it's a parent or somebody that that raised you and
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  whatnot, and they just still haven't grown from since you
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  were a child, It's going to be different in those in this
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  situation. So that's something that you
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  have to to consider and that you have to think about as well
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  because it absolutely is going to happen.
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  And when it happens, what are you going to do about it?
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  You're going to feel guilty. You're going to be sad.
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  I actually covered it in my course.
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  I'm not trying to name it up the course again.
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  There is a part about how to deal with the guilt and how to
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  deal with the anger when you leave.
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  But when you feel guilty, understand, y'all?
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  It's not your guilt, it's false guilt.
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  It's guilt that the abusive, manipulative, narcissistic
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  person has literally instilled upon you, right?
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  It's guilt that they have put onto you.
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  It's guilt that they have that they have injected into you.
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  They make you feel bad for outgrowing them when they had
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  every single opportunity to grow with you and they chose not to.
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  That's not on you. I promise you it's not.
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  I know it's going to feel like it's on you, but it's not on
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  you. So don't feel.
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  Try not to feel guilty. Just also just acknowledge the
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  guilt, right? Acknowledge the guilt and allow
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  it to grow and allow it to just pass through you like a kidney
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  stone, like a little narcissistic kidney stone,
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  right? Allow it to pass through you.
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  It would not. But that's going to make a
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  difference, y'all? That's really going to make a
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  difference. It's going to make sense of
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  everything as you continue to grow and heal and thrive, I
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  promise you. Because on the other side of the
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  spectrum, the narcissist, when they realize that you've
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  outgrown them, they're going to try to make you feel guilty.
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  Let's be real. When you When a narcissist
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  realizes that you've outgrown them, they're going to try to
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  make you feel guilty. They're going to try to make you
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  feel bad. They're going to try every
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  single thing that they can do to bring you back down to to to
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  knock you off this set this pedestal to hurt you, to harm
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  you, to bring some type of chaos to your life, to bring some type
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  of disarray to your life. Because they because they are
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  perpetually unhappy, they want you to feel the same way.
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  Because I'm unhappy, I want you to be unhappy because I'm sad, I
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  want you to be sad because I'm hurting, I want you to hurt.
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  Because I haven't achieved the goals and dreams in my life.
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  I don't want you to achieve the goals and dreams in your life.
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  But if I can't stop you for achieving those goals and
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  dreams, I'm going to just try to pull you.
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  I'm going to try to invalidate them, and I'm going to try to
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  make you feel like you haven't accomplished anything, because I
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  haven't. I'm going to compete.
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  I'm going to compare and contrast, and I'm going to try
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  to bring you down a level. I promise you I will.
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  I promise you I am. But that's the mentality that
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  you will face, that you will come across when you're dealing
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  with abusive, manipulate manipulators.
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  I it can and it can get very dirty.
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  It can get very dirty. It can become very hurtful
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  towards you to see somebody that you love and care about trying
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  to intentionally bring you down because it's intentional.
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  It's absolutely intentionally, they say.
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  How do you know it's intentionally?
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  Because I could. I couldn't imagine doing
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  anything like that because you can't.
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  You don't have that same mentality.
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  Of course, you can't imagine doing anything like this because
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  that narcissistic person is like, say you don't have the
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  narcissistic mindset. Your brain is not wired the same
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  exact way as your abusive, manipulative, narcissistic
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  partners is. It's just doesn't work that way.
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  So it's something that you have to consider and something you
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  have to think about as well, right?
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  This is something that is not new, but it can be like, say it
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  can be used against you in the court of narcissism, right?
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  That's one of the things that continuously happens to people.
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  So they must say it's one of the things that you have to think
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  about as well. Like when you're dealing with a
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  toxic, manipulative, narcissistic bastard, you got to
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  understand, they're going to try to take you out, take you down,
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  not out, take you down. They're going to try to pull you
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  down a notch because they love, they love it when they pull you
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  down. They love it all.
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  They take it all down. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's that mentality. That's the space that so many
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  people fall into. I'll be root y'all.
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  I'll be rooting for y'all. I really do root for y'all.
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  But when you outgrow them, they know it.
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  They sense it like it's them. They're like narcissistic people
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  have a sixth sense, right? And they know when you're about
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  to move on. They they'll start calling you
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  uppity, they'll tell you that you acting different, they'll
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  tell you that your energy is off.
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  They'll start accusing you of things.
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  They'll start accusing you of cheating on them.
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  They'll start accusing you of not being loving and caring
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  anymore. They'll start projecting and
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  telling you that you're doing the same thing to them that
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  they're doing to you. This is literally what they be
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  doing and it does not stop. It does not get better.
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  I know people like Willie. How do we make it stop?
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  You can't make it stop because you're not a narcissist, right?
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  And they're going to keep doing it, especially if you have kids.
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  They're going to try to make your life harder, like you'll be
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  on the on the verge of some type of success.
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  And then they'll, they'll get pregnant by you or they'll get
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  you pregnant. You know what I'm saying?
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  They'll get pregnant by you or they'll get you pregnant.
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  They'll try to knock you up or try to get knocked up by you to
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  hold you back a little bit, to slow you down a little bit.
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  We got another kid, we got another kid on the way.
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  He can't be doing that now. Can't, can't take those chances,
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  can't. They'll be, they'll be deathly
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  afraid of you leaving them. So they will try to do in
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  whatever they can when they feel you all growing them.
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  Like you might not even say y'all, you might not have said
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  anything. They can just sense it.
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  Narcissistic people tend to get very paranoid and they
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  automatically think the better, the more growth that you have in
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  life, it means you're going to find somebody to replace them.
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  It's like they're always thinking you're going to replace
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  them in some way, shape or form. So they're always trying to find
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  a way to hold you back from whatever it is in this
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  situation. They're always trying to find
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  ways and methods to keep you down to, to make sure that you
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  can't move on and things like that.
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  It's very toxic. It's very narcissistic.
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  It's very, you know, it's damn near that damn near.
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  It is draining. It's draining as hell to be with
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  somebody who's always against you, who's who's constantly
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  against you, who is rooting against you and not for you.
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  It's very draining to be a part of that.
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  It really, really is. And so as you continue to heal,
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  as you continue to grow, that's part of what you have to
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  understand because narcissistic, abusive, manipulative people are
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  going to keep doing the same type of stuff over and over and
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  over and over again. You know, they don't want you to
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  outgrow them. And a lot of times, y'all, and
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  I'll say this too, and I'll close it out, you know, I don't
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  like to ramble on too much. A lot of times when they feel
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  like you're outgrowing them, they'll start to try to cheat on
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  you and start to try to replace you.
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  A lot of times when they sense that you're getting ready to
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  move on or you're, you're, you're, you're climbing the
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  corporate ladder or you're losing weight or you're doing
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  whatever, you own some type of growth and healing journey where
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  they feel like you are growing them, they'll start cheating on
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  you. They'll start looking for your
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  replacement, right? Because they, they get so
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  deathly afraid that you're going to leave them that they start
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  trying to replace you. And I know that sounds ass
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  backwards, but it really is the mentality and the mindset of a
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  lot of toxic narcissistic Lyme bastards.
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  Y'all, they be lying. They asses off.
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  They really, really do. So something to consider right
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  there, something to think about, something to consider.
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  And as you keep moving forward, as you trying to heal, as you
• 11:03
  trying to grow anyway job again, do not forget to check out my
• 11:08
  course finding your Y. And y'all notice if you make it
• 11:10
  to the end of the video, I always give you all the code for
• 11:14
  the discount on the on the course.
• 11:15
  Y'all is Y WHY 25 you get $25 off of y'all and it's 40 longer
• 11:21
  videos, 40 in depth videos, 40 impactful videos on that thing
• 11:26
  to help you understand what you've been through and help you
• 11:28
  heal after narcissistic abuse. It's called finding your Y.
• 11:31
  My new course. My my support group is in there
• 11:33
  as well. Y'all join the support group is
• 11:34
  too if you want to get around people to understand what you've
• 11:37
  been through. And we have a little private
• 11:38
  zoom meetings. I got I got some stuff in the
• 11:40
  workshop. Hit the subscribe button if you
• 11:41
  haven't. And as always, y'all always
• 11:44
  mental illness is out peace. Also you can find my coaching my
• 11:47
  courses, my one on ones. Everything is available at my
• 11:49
  website, mentalillness.net, kids book, self love journal.
• 11:53
  Also check out joining the channel memberships as well.
• 11:55
  Y'all, thank you so much for being here.
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  I'm super grateful I'm out. Peace.