Latest / Classic Adventure Books Library / 04 - Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse

Transcript

04 - Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse · Classic Adventure Books Library

• 0:00
  Chapter four Awakening. When sad Arthur left the grove where the Buddha, the
• 0:07
  perfected One, stayed behind, where Govinda stayed behind, then he felt that
• 0:12
  in this grove his past life also stayed behind and parted from him. He
• 0:20
  pondered about the sensation which feeled him completely. As he was slowly walking along,
• 0:27
  he pondered deeply, like diving into a deep water, he let himself
• 0:32
  sink down to the ground of the sensation, down to the place where the
• 0:37
  causes lie, because to identify the causes, so it seemed to him,
• 0:43
  is the very essence of thinking. And by this alone, sensations turn into
• 0:49
  realizations and are not lost, but become entities and start to emit like rays
• 0:56
  of light. What is inside of them? Slowly walking along, said Arthur
• 1:02
  pondered, he realized that he was no youth any more, but had turned
• 1:07
  into a man. He realized that one thing had left him, as a
• 1:12
  snake is left by its old skin, That one thing no longer existed in
• 1:19
  him, which had accompanied him throughout his youth and used to be a part
• 1:23
  of him, the wish to have teachers and to listen to teachings. He
• 1:30
  had also left the last teacher who had appeared on his path, even him,
• 1:36
  the highest and wisest teacher, the most holy one Buddha he had left
• 1:41
  him, had to part with him, was not able to accept his teachings
• 1:48
  Slower, He walked along in his thoughts and asked himself, what is all
• 1:53
  this? What you have sought to learn from teachings and from teachers, and
• 1:57
  what they who have taught you much was still unable to teach you? And
• 2:04
  he found it was the self, the purpose and essence of which I sought
• 2:09
  to learn. It was the self I wanted to free myself from which I
• 2:15
  sought to overcome. But I was not able to overcome it. Could only
• 2:20
  deceive it, could only flee from it, only hide from it. Truly,
• 2:27
  no thing in this world has kept my thoughts thus busy as this,
• 2:31
  my very own self, this mystery of me being alive, of me being
• 2:38
  one and being separated and isolated from all others, of me being Sadartha.
• 2:46
  And there is no thing in this world I know less about than me about
• 2:53
  Sir Dartha. Having been pondering while slowly walking along, he now stopped as
• 3:00
  these thoughts caught hold of him, and right away. Another thought sprang forth
• 3:06
  from these, a new thought, which was that I know nothing about myself.
• 3:12
  That Saddartha has remained thus alien and unknown to me. That I know
• 3:17
  nothing about myself, that Saddartha has remained thus alien and unknown to me,
• 3:24
  stems from one cause, a single cause. I was afraid of myself.
• 3:31
  I was fleeing from myself. I searched Atman, I searched Brahman. I
• 3:38
  was willing to dissect myself and peel off all its layers, to find the
• 3:45
  core of all peals, in its unknown interior, the Atman life, the
• 3:52
  divine part, the ultimate part. But I have lost myself in the process.
• 4:00
  Saddartha opened his eyes and looked around. A smile filled his face,
• 4:05
  and a feeling of awakening from long dreams flowed through him from his head down
• 4:12
  to his toes. And it was not long before he walked again, walked
• 4:16
  quickly, like a man who knows what he has got to do. Oh,
• 4:23
  he thought, taking a deep breath. Now I would not let Saddartha
• 4:28
  escape from me again. No longer. I want to begin my thoughts and
• 4:33
  my life with Atman and with the suffering of the world. I do not
• 4:38
  want to kill and dissect myself any longer to find a secret behind the ruins.
• 4:45
  Neither Yoga vada shall teach me any more, nor Athara vada, nor
• 4:49
  the ascetics, nor any kind of teachings. I want to learn from myself,
• 4:57
  want to be my student, to get to know myself, the secret
• 5:02
  of Siddartha. He looked around as if he were seeing the world for the
• 5:09
  first time. Be beautiful was the world. Colorful was the world. Strange
• 5:15
  and mysterious was the world. Here was blue, here was yellow, He
• 5:21
  was green. The sky and the river flowed, The forest and the mountains
• 5:27
  were rigid. All of it was beautiful, All of it was mysterious and
• 5:33
  magical. And in its midst was he Siddartha, the awakening one on the
• 5:41
  path to himself. All of this, all this yellow and blue, river
• 5:47
  and forest, entered Siddartha for the first time through the eyes. Was no
• 5:54
  longer a spell of Marah, was no longer the veil of Maya. Was
• 6:00
  no longer a pointless and coincidental diversity of mere appearances, despicable to the deeply
• 6:08
  thinking Brahman who scorns diversity, who seeks unity. Blue was blue river,
• 6:16
  was river, and if also in the blue and the river in Siddartha,
• 6:21
  the singular and divine lived hidden. So it was still that very divinities way
• 6:30
  and purpose to be here yellow, here blue, their sky, their forest,
• 6:38
  And here Siddartha, the purpose and essential properties were not somewhere behind the
• 6:46
  things, They were in them, in everything. How deaf and stupid have
• 6:54
  I been, he thought, walking swiftly along. When someone reads a text
• 7:00
  once to discover its meaning, he will not scorn the symbols and letters and
• 7:04
  call them deceptions, coincidence and worthless hull. But he will read them,
• 7:12
  he will study and love them, letter by letter. But I, who
• 7:16
  wanted to read the book of the world and the book of my own being,
• 7:20
  I have, for the sake of a meaning I had anticipated before I
• 7:25
  read, scorned the symbols and letters. I called the visible world a deception,
• 7:30
  called my eyes and my tongue coincidental and worthless forms without substance. No,
• 7:39
  this is over. I have awakened. I have indeed awakened, and
• 7:44
  have not been born before this very day. In thinking these thoughts, Siddartha
• 7:50
  stopped once again, suddenly, as if there was a snake lying in front
• 7:56
  of him on the path, because suddenly he had also become aware of this,
• 8:03
  he who was indeed like someone who had just woken up, or like
• 8:07
  a newborn baby, He had to start his life anew and start again at
• 8:13
  the very beginning. When he had left in this very morning from the grove
• 8:18
  Jetavana, the grove of that exalted one, already awakening, already on the
• 8:26
  path towards himself, he had every intention regarded as natural and took for granted
• 8:33
  that he, after years as an ascetic, would return to his home and
• 8:37
  his father. But now only in this moment, when he stopped, as
• 8:43
  if a snake was lying on his path, he also awoke to this realization.
• 8:50
  But I am no longer the one I was. I am no ascetic
• 8:56
  anymore. I am not a priest anymore. I am no o brahman any
• 9:01
  more. What should I do at home and of my father's place? Study,
• 9:05
  make offerings, practice meditation? But all this is over all of this
• 9:13
  is no longer alongside my path, motionless, said d Arthur remained standing there,
• 9:20
  and for the time of one moment and breath, his heart felt cold.
• 9:24
  He felt a cold in his chest, as a small animal, a
• 9:28
  bird or a rabbit would when seeing how alone he was. For many years
• 9:35
  he had been without home and had felt nothing. Now he felt it still,
• 9:41
  even in the deepest meditation. He had been his father's son, had
• 9:46
  been a Brahman of a high caste, a cleric. Now he was nothing
• 9:52
  but sid Darthur, the awoken one. Nothing else was left. Deeply,
• 10:01
  he inhaled, and for a moment he felt cold and shivered. Nobody was
• 10:07
  thus alone as he was. There was no nobleman who did not belong to
• 10:11
  the nobleman, no worker that did not belong to the workers and found refuge
• 10:18
  with them, shared their life, spoke their language. No brahman who would
• 10:22
  not be regarded as Brahmans and lived with them, no ascetic who would not
• 10:28
  find his refuge in the caste of the Samanas. And even the most forlorn
• 10:33
  hermit in the forest was not just one and alone. He was also surrounded
• 10:39
  by a place he belonged to. He also belonged to a caste in which
• 10:45
  he was at home. Govinda had become a monk, and a thousand monks
• 10:50
  were his brothers. Wore the same robe as he believed in his faith,
• 10:54
  spoke his language, but he said, Arthur, where did he belong to?
• 11:00
  With whom would he share his life? Whose language would he speak?
• 11:05
  Out of this moment when the world melted away all around him, when he
• 11:11
  stood alone like a star in the sky. Out of this moment of cold
• 11:16
  and despair, Siddartha emerged, more a self than before, more firmly concentrated.
• 11:24
  He felt this had been the last tremor of the awakening, the last
• 11:30
  struggle of this birth. And it was not long until he walked again in
• 11:35
  long strides, started to proceed swiftly and impatiently, heading no longer for home,
• 11:41
  no longer to see his father, no longer back end of chapter four