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Transcript

S2 E24 - The End of Hostilities · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Previously on the Steve and Jeff show.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_04: I've had some problems with my nose.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: Wandering around chasing babes, drunk.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, the good news is your cholesterol's 130.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: It's even funnier.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, Steve and Jeff.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: You're a gynecologist.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: No, this could almost be no further from the truth.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's like that travelocity thing.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: It lacks enough cheese to be called actual cheese.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Dr.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Velveda?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: Great.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's more ecologically friendly to laser your meat.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: He was on the paleo diet or something.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: Someday, someday, someday.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: You claim uh to be from the future.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: I guess I broke the prime directive again.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: Right, people.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: And now here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thanks, Johnny.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: And breaking that prime directive.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: They don't like that when I do that.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I did it again.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, how you doing, Jeff, by the way?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm fine.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: How's it going, Steve?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I've been taking a lot of heat for breaking that prime directive.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: And we haven't really talked much about me being from the future, but I, Jeff, is as you know, I am from the future.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_04: I actually have a question for you about it.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_04: I have many questions, but the first one is what exactly is a prime directive?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: Well, prime directive is something that you absolutely cannot break.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: It would warp the fabric of time.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I've actually broken the prime directive now, well, including that one four times.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_03: I should probably just come clean and tell you the times that I broke the prime directive in the past.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_04: I'm sorry, I misunderstood.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_04: I thought it was prime media, prime video.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know it was prime directive, which I I don't get on my cable system.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_04: So this is unique, but I guess if you don't know the future, you probably don't get that service.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, it's funny, it's funny, Jeff.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: In the future, there is a an Amazon Prime Directive, but that's a whole different thing.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: You have to stay home and wait for the guy to show up.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: But but I digress.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me again.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so to explain that those four times.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, one we know about that was in the show that we played last week.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: But the other three times, the first one, actually, Jeff, the first one was in the future.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: So I can't reveal that one uh to Biggie, but I can't reveal it.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: Does it rhyme with Duck?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_03: It could.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: It depends on which language you're speaking.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: It could.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: Second one, nobody really bothered me too much about this.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: They just kind of wagged their finger because you know, it was a couple of years ago.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: You remember when uh Brendan Fraser won the Academy Award for Best Actor?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I do.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_04: Handsome man.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the day, the day before the awards, I was so excited.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'd just seen the movie The Whale.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: This performance blew me away.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I just I had to go tell him, I said, by the way, you're gonna win.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: And he goes, Yeah, thank you.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: I like your comments.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: I'm from the you are you are gonna win, so get your speech ready because you're you're gonna be up there.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and people said, Well, you shouldn't have done that, but it was the day before, and yeah, you know, not that bad.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_04: And he needed that after all those mummy movies, you know, he was he wasn't doing well, and I I think that you really helped him out there.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_04: And I think you, you know, you were uh it was just a whale of a good thing that you did.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: I noticed that his his energy went back almost a George of the Jungle level of energy once I told him that.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_03: So that was that was I love seeing that.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: Now the third one that I broke the prime directive on.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: This one, they've given me a lot of heat about this.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: Goes back a bunch of years, a little over a hundred years ago.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: I had some friends who were big deals in the Austrian Empire, you know.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: I just hang with some of those guys.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: We go to racetracks and drink wine and shit, you know.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I mean it was, you know, it was it was a lot of fun.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: It was the Austria, it was Austria.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, what else are you gonna do, right?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: Well, yeah, for sure.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: One day I'm at the racetrack, and there's Archduke Ferdinand is sitting at the table next to me, and he's looking at a train schedule.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: It says Sarajevo on top.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: I go, Oh, Archduke, you're going to Sarajevo.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, go.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: You'll love it.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's a beautiful city.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't know if I should go, it's dangerous.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, don't worry about it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: Just go.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, I've not heard the end of that one.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: Let me tell you, I don't think I ever will, but but I digress, Jeff.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: How's how you been?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: Everything's good with me.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_04: Although I heard that you actually were back at the dentist this time.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: Is that correct?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I had to go back to the dentist.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: It never ends, this work on the teeth, you know.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: But I went there and I've been flossing my whole life.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: They always say floss, you know, use the dental fly, all that stuff.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: So I've been flossing, I've been trying to be a good dental patient.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: Those dentists said, No, no, no, stop flossing.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_03: Here's a water pick.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_03: Use this water pick, and can you you won't have to floss?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I started using it.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_03: And Jeff, this thing is motorized, it is modernized, it is satirized, it is mesmerized, it is militarized.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: Jeff, I I will never go back to flossing.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I'm glad you brought that up because I refuse to let them.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_04: I you know, I thought it was waterboarding, that that was just another name for it, you know.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm not gonna have that.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: So he did that too.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we did that, and then he said, Oh, hey, you seem to like water.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: Uh try this thing.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, it shoots a jet of water and it does what that floss does.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: It does actually uh does better than the floss does.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: I always wonder how did people come up with that?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: How was something like that invented?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_04: Well, it's funny you you bring that up because last week I think you remember I was I went to a convention, it was the IIS convention, which is the independent inventor show.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: And wow, yeah, it was amazing.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_04: I did, I don't remember seeing the flossing.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: I did see they had these false teeth that were made out of that prego.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_04: You know the prego that you use for the spaghetti sauce?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_04: They probably make it out of spaghetti sauce, but I'm talking about the prego flooring, you know how they they're like the imitation of hardwood floors, and they they use prego instead, and you can get different colors, you know.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_03: Cause because I was a little confused because you know, of course, about a year or so ago, my mom, who has false teeth, was Prego.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I I thought, you know, but but but that's a whole different, but I digress.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: That's a big digression.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_04: That's the spaghetti sauce.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_04: That's the spaghetti sauce that you're talking about.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, she loves spaghetti sauce.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_04: So um, yeah, so that was really interesting and it was fascinating walking around there.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_04: It was very cool.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_04: It made me feel kind of stupid, you know, because we don't really invent anything, you know, except I guess we invented this show, which is amazing.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Which which is an incredible invention, Jeff.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: You know, if they had had this in the Austrian Empire, that Duke wouldn't have gone to Sarajevo.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: Let me just tell you.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: Wouldn't have happened.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: He would have stayed home and listened to this show, and we wouldn't have had World War One.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, please, come on, and the world would be a better place.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, you see anything else interesting at that inventor show, Jeff?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_04: Well, mostly I just felt intimidated.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I was walking around, and you have you not only are the people who are inventing stuff amazing, but you you just walked around and heard people having conversations, and you know, half the time I couldn't understand what they were saying.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_04: Half the time it sounded like they were, you know, on some sort of a trip because they were describing things that were amazing.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_04: And it's funny because I I was walking down this aisle and there was this booth, and there was this guy, I think he was a Greek guy, and he was talking to some Italian guy.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_04: They're having this like argument, and the Greek guy starts off and he's bragging, and he says, uh, well, you know, the Greeks invented the Parthenon.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_04: And uh I had two questions about that.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know if that was true, and I didn't know what the Parthenon was, but you know, but he says, But the Italians invented the panini.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_04: Well, they did, and then the and the Italian guy also said that he they invented the Colosseum, uh, yes, right, which is true.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_04: And then they just started going off, and then the Greek guy says, Yeah, but we invented mathematics.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know that.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_03: They had a little air of help, but yeah, let's we'll go with that.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, all right.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_04: The Italian guy says, Well, we invented sex, beat that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_04: Uh no, the Greek guy said that.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_04: No, the Italian guy said that.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_04: You know what, Steve?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_04: They all look so much alike.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_04: I it is hard to tell really hard to tell.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it is hard.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_04: The Greek guy is the one who invented this, invented sex, and the Italian guy said immediately, well, that's true, but the Italians introduced it to women.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_03: If the Italian guy was Sicilian, he could be the Italian and the Greek guy, he could be both.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_03: I mean that's right.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: So, yes, it was it was really fascinating.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: Do they have any famous inventors there that like invent the stuff you know, like big stuff?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_04: I'm sure, I'm sure, Steve, that there were famous people, but you know, for the most part, I couldn't tell.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_04: And then I did see that there was this big group of people hovering around this guy, and uh, I I looked in there, his name was uh Harold Thomas Johnson.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_04: I bet it was.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and he invented electricity, Steve.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and he was he wasn't he wasn't an old guy, so you know my point being he'd have to be like 200.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, you know, yeah, okay.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: He invented electricity, yeah.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_03: But but they seem to all believe him, you know, because he had like a tin cup with him, he was asking for change.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: Come on.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_04: It was amazing.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I thought, well, you know, I don't know.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe I'm off, maybe we're wrong, you know, maybe we haven't been, you know, using electricity that long after all.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_04: But so I asked him if he would come on to our show to answer some of those questions and to, you know, raise the stakes in terms of intelligence for our show because these guys are pretty smart.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: And to raise awareness that electricity was invented much later than most people think.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_04: I think that may be true.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm I'm really glad that he agreed to come on to the show.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he's here, and he's just right here, the other side of this class, right?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: Let me just tap.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, it just went dark in there.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: What happened?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: Did we lose electricity?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe wait, maybe we never had it.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know are are we are we talking?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, can you hear me?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: Can I hear you?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_04: I can hear you, but I I can't hear our guest, and I can't see no I can't see or hear him either.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_03: But wait, what's this on the window?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: There's like a little here.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: Let me know here.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: Is that on in blood?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's red.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_03: It's so dark that I can't tell if it's blood or not, but it's it's in red.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: It says, Jeff, you're not gonna believe what this says.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_03: Pay me my money, or you won't see your children alive, meaning the show.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, only one person knows I think we know the show is our children.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: That's gotta be Miss Claire.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_04: It is Miss Claire, I'm sure.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_04: And Steve, this has been brewing for a while.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we've talked about this on previous shows and this problem that we've had and we got locked out of the studio.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe we should do a quick quick recap how this all happened.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I think that's a good idea because you know, I think I saw some stat that said that we get 200,000 new listeners every show.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_04: They don't know what happened last week or two or three weeks ago.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: There's an entire city larger than Peoria, Illinois, that doesn't know.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody in Peoria knows about Miss Claire.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's sad.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_04: So, Steve, do you want to kind of set us up the first time we met Claire and how that happened?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we started this year way back at the beginning of this season.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_03: We started this season with a different producer that what's a nice way to put this, Jeff, didn't work out.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't that what they usually say?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it didn't work out.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: So we needed to hire a new producer.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: So we had we had a contest, we had a game show.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: Let's just play a minute of it and we'll introduce Miss Claire from this game show.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: A graduate of Yale Business School, her hobbies include donating time at a local women's shelter, enjoying her foster children, and woodworking.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: Her passion is reading and gaining knowledge that can help her make this world a better place to live.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: She is currently studying to pass the bar and become a civil rights attorney.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: She loves challenges, especially helping new startup companies, and thinks the Steve and Jeff show is hilarious.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: Please welcome to the show, Claire.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you guys for having me.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: I uh really hope that you know we get to work together in the future.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I had a great time.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: I really think that I could take this places if if chosen uh by the audience.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_04: I just want to say before we leave, Lizzie, it was such a pleasure meeting you.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_04: I learned something every minute, a Valentino.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_04: I'm still aroused.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_04: And thanks, Claire, for coming in.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: So she won the game show.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: Well, she won by default because one of them died and the other one was in jail.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: That's true of a lot of our audience, too.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, totally.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_04: And when I listened back to that, the first two people, you know, that we really chose first were very electric.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_04: I think electric is the term.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_04: Mr.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_04: Johnson would probably agree they were electric, but they had some flaws, and and Claire won fair and square.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_03: They were not only electric, Jeff, they were no static electricity either.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_03: Because that remember Valentino, Valentino had the moves.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: He was nice.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: Those thighs alone.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: Those thighs alone created absolutely some static electricity that was just amazing.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, we hired her and we celebrated her coming in, and she had some pretty tough demands.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_04: That was a tough, tough negotiation.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_04: I think we thought we had hired her and given her this chance, and it didn't sound like she was really that willing.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: Let's maybe play a little clip just to remind the listeners and to inform, to make aware the new listeners.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say something a little bit earlier, but I think my mic was locked out or something.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm really just wanted to come on and tell you guys that I'm only here because I'm contractually obligated to do the second show.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't want to work with you guys.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: You were completely rude, had tons of attitude towards me.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: I did not go to Yale Business School to be treated this way.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and of course, then, Jeff, a couple shows in, she decides it's not the Steve and Jeff show, it's the Claire show.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: I remember that.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_04: That was crazy.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, where we were locked out and she did the show without us.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: And really, we've been locked out ever since.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: We're in the little studio here at eccentric Lady Land Studios.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: We're still locked out.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: That's worth remembering.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: Let's let's play a little bit of that as well.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: Right, people, welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, starring Claire.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: I, producer Claire, am the host of this week's show.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of got annoyed with the two loons and told Steve and Jeff to just come on Wednesday, and it is in fact Tuesday.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: So this show, for once, isn't the Steve and Jeff show.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's the Claire show, and I hope you enjoy it.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: As you know, if you listen to the Steve and Jeff show, I'm their new producer.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: I come from a quite impressive background, if I do say so myself, finishing first in my class at University of Iowa Council Bluffs with a degree in tourist hospitality and solicitation.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Clearly, I am overqualified for this job.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: Between the guard dogs and the parrots and the being locked out, and we had to break in.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, I had to break into the studio the first time.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_03: Then the engineer kind of felt sorry for us, let us in.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's been a tough time for broadcasting professionals.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and Steve, I know we did our best to meet her demands.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_04: I remember there were two or three of them.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_04: I think one was to build a woman's bathroom.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_04: I think we called a girl's bathroom.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_04: And I think we did that.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_04: We may have not done that, but I think we put a tampon machine in the boys' bathroom, which I think we we consider to be uh the equivalent.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: Which would make it a girl's bathroom.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: And it would make it a girl's bathroom.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: And in equity, Jeff, yes, we do call it the girls' bathroom, but we call it the boys' bathroom too.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: We do.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_04: So it's equally offensive.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_04: You know what?
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_04: She could complain and say, Well, that's not really a girl's bathroom, but do is there a condom machine in the in there?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_04: No, there's only a tampon machine.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_04: And so exactly like if you had to decide, I think you would say it was a girl's bathroom.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, absolutely.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_03: That was one of her demands.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then, of course, being called Miss Claire was another of her demands.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I haven't always met that as well as I should.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_04: I think I've called her Claire before, and for that, you know, maybe I'm responsible for all this happening because I I guess I was disrespectful.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_04: And if so, I'm so sorry, Miss Claire.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: Miss Claire, I think maybe the electricity going out on the guy who invented electricity, not maybe let's Dr.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_03: Irony call me.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, talk about that, talk about that one.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, maybe the power going off in that room is a stroke of luck, is a message, a message from above that we need to resolve this with Miss Claire and we need to settle, and we need to get back to doing the just to show the normal way.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean, Jeff?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, although you just brought up an interesting point because we have the guy who invented electricity.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_04: I guess if we really wanted to push this thing, we could kind of communicate with him to recreate electricity in that room, whatever that system would be.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_04: But I don't want to fight with her, you know.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_04: She's I think she's got great things to offer us, and I just want it to all work out.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_04: Do you remember what the third man?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_03: I can't well, she wanted to be paid some money.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: And oh and she she didn't specify, she said, pay what you owe me.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: And so I look back and I used our highest, our highest employee wage scale, which is we don't pay anybody.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we don't pay anybody, we don't pay anybody this much because in fact we don't pay, we don't pay them anything, but but I digress.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: I used our highest wage scale and looked at the dozens, hundreds of hours that she had worked, and it came out to$192.48.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_04: Now, Steve, uh to be uh fair to us, she probably doesn't deserve the full$190 some dollars.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_04: I think that most people would agree that she was probably worth around$140, maybe$135, but we we we were not cheap.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_04: Oh Jeff.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we Jeff Jeff, I took the number actually came up to like 375, but I took I took the discount already.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_03: So don't tell, don't tell 192 is a good number.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's a lot less than it really is.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_03: Just but don't tell her, don't tell her.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh she can't hear me in there, maybe, right?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_04: And that's coming straight off of our bottom line, Steve.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_04: That's not it's not coming from Mr.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_04: Johnson, that's for sure.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's no, it's not coming from rich man, not coming from rich man, uh whatever is.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and that and that marriage counseling company is still just starting out, you know, where it's not making a lot of money quite yet.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_04: I it's coming straight from me.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_04: That's how much I respect Miss Claire.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad it's coming from you because I I'm a little tapped out right now.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, so if you can cover this, I swear I'm good for it.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_03: Not like before.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: I swear I'm good for this one.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: But why don't we just pay her now?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I I don't have the cash, but we could pay her on uh that uh online thing, that uh paymo.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_04: What is Paymo?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_04: Pay her pay her on Paymo or Steve, I have back here about 20 uh cannabis suppositories that we got from one of one of our guests, if you remember.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_04: And we could those are worth I don't know what they're worth, hundreds and hundreds of dollars.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_04: But I'm not gonna fight with you, Steve.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_04: If you want to pay through uh, you know, use money, I guess that's a way to do it.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, see, Jeff, if we pay her on paymo, then we can keep the suppositories.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: You got a good point there.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_04: Kathy loves them.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, Steve, you just do not believe how excited she gets when she gets her hands around uh cannabis suppository.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: It must make for a very interesting experience.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I guess I'm not there, you know.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_04: I'm usually out of town when she's using it, but I hear she just it's wonderful.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we got to try those.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let's let's get rid of the cash and we'll keep those.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: Those sound much more valuable than$192.48.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_04: I'm on board if we want to pay her.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_04: I think that would be fine.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: I don't have any objection.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_04: I I hope that would resolve things.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_04: Is there is there anything else that she was looking for?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_04: Or or do you think that that would do it?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_04: I think Mr.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_04: Johnson's still there.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: I hope they have uh it's hard to tell.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't know.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_04: Does it do the air ducts work during this time?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_04: Because I'd hate for Mr.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_04: Johnson to pass out.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_03: You know, that is all powered by electricity, and apparently we still have electricity out here because I can still see you and I hear myself in the headphones, but they don't have it in there.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't know.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_04: We might want to make that payment pretty quickly here.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know what?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know how long he's gonna last.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: Here I'm gonna I'm gonna get on the computer.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'll I'll I'll pay it now.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'll go on paymo.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_03: Let's see, send.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_03: Do I wanna have a note?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: I should write something in the note.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: I shouldn't just send it.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: I know, I know.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: Hopefully, this settles everything, and we can go back to normal.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: Miss Claire.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Miss Claire.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: You have to put it back to normal now.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: Miss Claire.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, I'm gonna hit send now.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, the same bank.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, yes.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: No, I don't want to track it.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, okay.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: All right, here we go.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, it's sent, it's gone, it's out.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, look at that.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, and there's light.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_04: Now, do we know if we know if that is Claire, Miss Claire, or is that Mr.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_04: Johnson?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_04: Who got the electricity going?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: Uh it looks like Miss Claire over there.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_03: She's actually waving.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, hi, Miss Claire.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_04: Hi, although Mr.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_04: Johnson is is rubbing his thighs together, so I don't know.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe it's a combination of both, but it certainly is bright over there.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: And well, it it is, you know, as much as I would love to hear about a guy who invented electricity a couple of weeks ago.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: Not that I don't believe it, okay, but it just I'd like to hear his story.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: But I Jeff, we're we're just about out of time.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna get kicked out of our new eccentric Lady Land studio now that we and I hate to get kicked out right before we can get back to the real studio.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to do that.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_04: Let me give the thumbs up to Claire and see if we're in good standing with her now.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_04: It looks like we are.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_04: Um it's I see one finger.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_04: I don't I can't quite see which one it is, but you know, Jeff, it could be a thumb.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_04: Could be a thumb.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna assume it's a thumb, right?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna take we're wiping the slate clean.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna do this start from scratch.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: We need to assume good intentions.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: Let's just say that was thumbs up.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: She was saying your show is number one.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_03: She's the best.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_03: She is the best.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you, we'll be back to normal.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_03: We'll be we'll have more listeners than it'll be 400,000 new listeners every week.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my goodness.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: Even though we don't have time really to interview Mr.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: Johnson, uh, I would like to have him back maybe at some point.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_03: You think maybe we could maybe get him back?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, we'll we'll work with them, we'll figure something out.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, in the meantime, I'm feeling so good about this new era of peace, this new era of good feelings, this new era of detente, this new era of cooperation, collaboration, cohabitation, asservation.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: And and well, yeah, well, of course, you know, I just feel so good about it.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: I think we should give Miss Claire some gifts to show our goodwill.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: In addition to, of course, that$192.48.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: Some would call that a pretty nice gift, but I think I think we should give her some gifts.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: So, Johnny, what do we have for Miss Claire?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, Steve.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Johnny wanted to hang out at your mom's tonight.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: So Miss Claire subcontracted announcing duties to me.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can call me Johnny.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Miss Claire will receive an exciting weekend getaway for two at the historic and structurally dangerous Harney Hotel, where we hammer that modern repairs interfere with historical decay.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: If it ain't broke, it ain't the heart.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: And carrying a newfound salary, she will get an authentic baby seal line designer purse from the famous Volga Line, made by the secret idiot wife of the unknown house of Dimitri.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: A service of the new appropriation station.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: All your stuff we own.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: And as that other Johnny says, least but not last, she will get 14 software QR covers that we took off cans in the studio garbage, just 42 more, and she gets a free drink.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: This has been a Burying Hatchet Production in association with Glasshouse Media.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is Johnny speaking.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not that Johnny.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: He'll be back next week, we think.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: But in the meantime, he's having the time of his life with Steve's mom.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: I would never desert this podcast to hang with Steve's mom.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: But Jeff's dad.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Good night.