Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / You dont have to hate the narcissist in your life to move on from them

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You dont have to hate the narcissist in your life to move on from them · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time seeing my
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  face or hearing my voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
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  awareness for NPD, get more people into therapy and also
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  validate the victim, survivors and thrivers of said disorder,
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  said toxic people said toxic traits.
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  Today's episode is going to be about how you don't have to
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  hate. Them to move on.
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  You don't have to hate the narcissist or toxic person in
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  your life to be able to move on from them because a lot of
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  people, I get a lot of DM's. I get a lot of comments and
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  things like this just saying, hey Lee, I'm a good person.
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  I don't have a hateful bone in my body.
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  I can't bring myself to hate them.
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  So how do I move on from them if I can't hate them?
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  How do I move on? Even though they've treated me
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  horribly, Even though they've done me wrong, Even though I
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  felt like they've wasted my time in certain areas, Even though
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  they've hurt me in ways I can't ever forgive them for?
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  Like, how do I move on without hating them?
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  I tell. I tell this people all the time,
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  y'all, you don't have to hate them.
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  You can love. Somebody and not allow them
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  access to you. You can love.
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  People from a distance and not allow them access to your life
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  in any way shape or. Form you can.
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  That's possible. Y'all.
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  You don't have to. Like I said, me personally.
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  If forgiveness is in your heart or partner, your religion.
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  You can forgive. Them, but you don't have to
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  reconcile with them. You don't have to hate.
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  Them y'all you don't. You just don't like some people
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  think you have to hate them. Because, like, I I don't want to
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  stoop to their level. If I do hate them, I don't want,
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  I don't want those feelings in me.
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  Because if I feel like if I hate them, I feel like I'm a bad
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  person in that. In that scenario, right there,
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  yeah, you are not a bad person for dealing with a you are not a
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  bad person. For moving on from a
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  narcissistic person or cutting off access to you from that
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  narcissistic person, from the toxic person or whatnot, it
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  doesn't make you a bad person. You don't have to hate them to
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  be able to choose, and you don't have to hate them to choose to
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  choose yourself. Y'all you don't.
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  You're just choosing yourself. You don't like that.
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  OK? Soon or later it gets to that
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  point or the dynamic where you likes it.
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  You get tired of putting them over yourself, like then you get
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  tired of putting the needs of someone else over your own, the
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  needs of someone else over your children.
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  Because some people get into this, into these types of
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  relationships, and you put that narcissistic person's needs and
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  wants above even your kids, even when the kids are not even dares
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  biologically. You see what I'm saying?
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  I see that happen a lot of times too.
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  So I I. Feel like the one thing you have
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  to. Do in these situations is
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  forgive yourself for what you did not know that was going on.
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  You mean you have to forgive yourself.
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  For but like I said, you have to forgive yourself first, you
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  know. And if you do feel like you hate
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  that person, if you do feel like you have hate in your heart and
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  stuff like that, forgive yourself first.
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  So many people beat themselves. Down and whatnot.
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  Because they're in a toxic relationship, because they're in
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  a unique space in this, you know, in a toxic relationship
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  dynamic. You don't have to hate them.
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  Y'all. I promise you don't.
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  I promise you don't. Because I feel like some people
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  think when you hate them, you just like, I feel bad when I
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  hate them. You're not a bad person.
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  Y'all that narcissistic person might have had you confused.
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  Taking that you're a bad person have made you if you put you in
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  a situation where you felt like a bad person, But yeah, you can
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  heal. You can heal without hating
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  them. Forgive yourself first.
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  Love yourself more you. Don't have to hate them, but you
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  do. Have to love yourself more.
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  You just do. So many people.
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  Just like get it cope. In the.
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  Situation where you lack the narcissist, the people suck
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  yourself love away from you like because as a narcissist myself,
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  we lack that self love, that the ability to self validate, the
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  ability to self soothe a lot of times.
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  So we depend on people. I know people, the people use
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  the the the main word, but a lot of people using this situation
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  is supply. They're like the narcissists
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  need supply. So we need to have people around
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  to get that supply from you know what I'm saying, even if it's a
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  social media supply and whatnot. But we take it from other
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  people, so we're taking it from you.
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  That narcissistic person is draining you.
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  Who is refilling your self love? If they're taking your self love
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  away from you, who is refilling your cup?
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  You say if your cup run it dry, Who is refilling your cup?
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  Their day, I can guarantee you they not refilling your cup.
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  You walk them to because you get you've been giving them so much
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  love and the care and appreciation.
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  You want them to give it back, but.
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  A lot of times, narcissistic people don't give it back in
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  full. Y'all.
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  It's like this is what I say, this is what I say with the self
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  love. And stuff like that.
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  We deal with narcissistic people.
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  Y'all you know I wrote myself love journal that's available.
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  Amazon I don't have with me right now.
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  Y'all I'm sitting outside. But this is what this is, what
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  it's like to give this is what it's like giving a lot of self
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  love to a narcissistic person. It's like giving them $100 bill
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  right? At first they might give you
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  $100 bill back, they might give it 110 doing a love by me.
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  Face You give them a hundred, they might return you with 110.
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  Here's your extra, here's an extra 10 spot.
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  But eventually that dynamic shifts and you're still giving
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  them 100. And they start to give.
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  You less. They give you like I say, they
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  start to give you 110, they give you 100, you give them 100,
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  instead of giving you 100, they give you 90 and so on and so
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  forth. So east to the point where did
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  you give them a hundred and they give you $2 back.
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  You see what I'm saying? They're not returning.
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  They're not reciprocating. That love.
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  If you missed the analogy, money in this situation, the $100
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  bill, the 100 is your own self love and your your worth, your
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  validation. You're giving it to them.
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  And they're not. Returning.
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  It they're not replenishing it. You're you're replenishing them,
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  you're filling them up, but you're not getting anything in
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  return or you're getting very little in return.
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  And so many people get caught up with at least they gave me $2.00
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  back. They didn't have to do they they
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  normally give you nothing. Sometimes they give you 0 back,
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  but sometimes you get caught up and he's like, well, at least
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  they gave me $2.00. Back.
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  At least they gave me something back.
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  They mean that must mean they care about me.
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  They gave me something back that must mean they love me.
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  They gave me a little bit back. That must mean they care about
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  me. A lot of people get caught up in
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  these situations Where it? That's where the breadcrumbing
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  and intermittent reinforcement comes from.
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  Y'all so many people get caught up.
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  In the breadcrumbing. That you just like okay when a
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  breadcrumb you. They give you a little bit and
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  they but they give you a little bit and they expect a lot.
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  Y'all they drain you. So you have to refill yourself.
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  You have to rebuild your own self love.
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  You don't have to hate them, but you do have to rebuild your self
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  love. You do have to rebuild your self
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  validation you do have. To rebuild your mental.
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  Health your. Physical health you do.
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  Have to rebuild yourself? You don't.
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  Have to hate them. But you do have to love
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  yourself. You don't have to hate them.
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  You don't have to look despise them.
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  You don't have to load them. You can love them from a
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  distance. You can love them and.
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  Cut off access. You don't.
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  Have to hate them, but you do need to cut off.
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  Access to you. You do need to heal yourself.
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  You do need to love yourself more.
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  So many people get caught up. I say it all the time.
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  Y'all I. Had to come outside sitting
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  inside, I I got like four or five comments.
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  Like I can't hate them. I don't.
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  I can't bring myself to hate them.
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  You don't have to. You don't have to bring yourself
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  to hate them because sometimes you had a stoop load to hate
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  them when you hate somebody. When it gets to the point, like
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  y'all and I know, I know how it feels to hate somebody.
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  When you hate people, you want to get them back.
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  And when you hate people that have done you wrong, you want to
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  get vengeance on them. You want to hurt them.
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  So sometimes when you hate people, you stoop to their
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  level. You might start being toxic to
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  yourself. You see what I'm saying?
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  You might pick up the narcissistic fleas or whatever
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  and start being toxic back to them.
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  You know? And you don't want to get, you
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  don't want to start being a toxicity.
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  You don't want to start being toxic back to them though,
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  because you hate people. You want to hurt them.
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  When you hate people, you want to get vengeance on them.
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  You hate people. You want to you want to inflict
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  some type of injury upon them. You want them to pay for what
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  they've done to you. When you hate them, that's what
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  you want them to do. You want.
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  You want that vengeance. You want that reassurance.
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  You want that validation for yourself.
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  But I said you don't have to hate them.
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  Y'all. But you do have to love you.
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  You do have to caress yourself. You do have to treat yourself
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  good. Ask yourself this question right
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  here. Y'all.
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  Because right now I'm working on what I call the selflove
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  challenge. It's the selflove course. 30
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  days of Selflove course is coming up here pretty soon.
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  You do have to understand like what have you asked yourself
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  this question y'all. What have you done for yourself
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  lately? Not for your kids, Not going out
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  with your? Friends and family.
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  What have you done for you lately?
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  To show you that you appreciate you?
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  To show you that you love you? To show you that you care about
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  you? To show you that you need you?
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  What have you done for yourself lately?
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  Y'all. You have to rebuild yourself,
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  love and self. After this you have to do
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  something for yourself. Go out and do something for
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  yourself. The wind blow my camera over
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  you. Go out and do something for
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  yourself. Today, not tomorrow.
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  Today be with you. How about this?
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  I do want to come out here real quick like and subscribe for
• 8:17
  more. As always until this is out
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  peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. Y'all I'm I am truly, eternally
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  grateful for every single one of y'all that support the channel
• 8:27
  in any way, shape or form. If you haven't already, make
• 8:30
  sure you that you subscribe to the channel so that we can reach
• 8:33
  more people. To help more people.
• 8:35
  The Selflove brand is available. I'm strong, I love me.
• 8:38
  It's a Selflove brand. The Selflove Journal is
• 8:41
  available on Amazon as well to help you rebuild their selflove
• 8:44
  and identity. You know, doing the touch
• 8:46
  relationship. Also look into joining the
• 8:48
  channel membership to get more. It's hot behind the scenes perks
• 8:51
  and things like that. Y'all, thank you so much for
• 8:53
  your support. Thank you thank you, thank you
• 8:55
  thank.