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The Secret Code: How to Get Your Kid Out of a Dangerous Situation · Voices for Voices®

• 0:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hi everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices.
• 0:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for joining us.
• 0:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No matter where you're at, watching and listening here in the United States across the world.
• 0:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you very much for joining us.
• 0:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're grateful to have you.
• 0:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you.
• 0:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're gonna jump right into our topic of the episode, and that is children's safety.
• 0:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, we have talked a lot about children's safety, uh, but we really haven't covered, I guess, this topic.
• 0:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, and that is as children you'll grow up, you know, they they go way too fast.
• 0:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And children could and can sometimes find themselves in uncomfortable situations, and that could be with their best friends, uh, a party that they go to, or they might not know everybody, or they could know everybody.
• 1:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh, that really isn't what we're talking about.
• 1:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh we're just talking about cut and dry, children, young adults.
• 1:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh yeah, as they as they pass through grade school, then it's middle school, then it's high school, and then I mean, it it time just flies in general.
• 1:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you can check out uh we did a couple episodes on the passing of time.
• 1:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And and so as we come back to this particular topic of we drop our child, you know, our child or children off at a friend's house for maybe they're maybe they're gonna play video games.
• 2:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't, I don't know.
• 2:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What whatever it is, we're dropping them off, they're they're gonna be there with friends, and then they're gonna come home.
• 2:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Or maybe it's a sleepover, in which case, you know, then usually it's it's interesting because we call it a sleepover, but usually not a whole lot of sleeping goes on, uh, you know, up till all odd hours uh of the morning, and um so if our child or children are at a if they're at a event, a get-together, it could just be one friend that could be hanging out with, playing video games, watching a movie.
• 3:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I I I mean it it could be any number of things, so that's why I don't want to close it off to like it has to be this, and if it's not this specifically, then what we're talking about doesn't it doesn't matter.
• 3:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um it's it it matters for all times uh again no matter what what what's going on uh or what the plan is and sometimes sometimes children have a tendency maybe to bend the truth a little bit.
• 3:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um whether they know or they don't know, that that can be figured out at different time.
• 4:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So our children's there, they're at a they're at a event, a get together, a sleepover, whatever we want to call it.
• 4:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And let's say they're not old enough to drink alcohol, and their friends aren't either.
• 4:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So the hours go by, and there's a couple of other people that come over a little bit later, and they're drunk, they're stumbling, they're not very coherent, um, and they have alcohol with them.
• 5:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so what what number one would be where the parents at, right?
• 5:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So where are the parents at?
• 5:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The parents of that child, they should be parenting.
• 5:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not saying it's that easy, I'm just saying they should be parenting, especially if other friends are coming over.
• 5:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if people that they don't know or additional friends that weren't invited, or they were invited later, like, yeah, just come on over.
• 5:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I say it like that because it's so true, doesn't matter how old our children are, some children are at another child's house.
• 5:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some other people show up, and this one individual says, Yeah, come on in, come on in, play, let's play.
• 6:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's like, well, it's not your house, so you don't you don't get the you don't get to tell people and then invite people over.
• 6:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that's number one.
• 6:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've had to do that, I've had to step in, and I've been not the best at that, and and and it's not until like I guess you experience it as a parent, different things that really uh these things come to fruition.
• 6:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So fast forward, I don't know, six, seven, seven, eight, uh a number of years in this situation, as I mentioned.
• 7:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So children, our child over hanging out with a friend, later on, a couple other friends of that person come over and they're visibly drunk and sound drunk and sound under the influence of some substance.
• 7:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe it's alcohol, maybe it's something else.
• 7:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We don't know.
• 7:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: In any event, our child or children feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable.
• 7:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so what do they do?
• 7:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Do they just stay there and stay uncomfortable for the duration?
• 7:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we all know how peer pressure is.
• 7:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, come on, Justin, just this one time.
• 8:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, it's not it's not that bad.
• 8:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Just come on, everybody's doing it.
• 8:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But luckily, you and other parents have had conversations with your with your children say, hey, if you're ever somewhere and you are uncomfortable, let's have a code word where our child or children are able to call us as parents or text us as parents that code word.
• 9:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And there could be like two or three code words.
• 9:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: One code word could be like mom, dad, can you bring some water over?
• 9:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm really thirsty.
• 9:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And water could be the code word for I'm very uncomfortable.
• 9:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I am very uncomfortable, and so as a parent, don't ask questions, just go pick up your child or children, and so it takes conversations like that ahead of time with our child or children, so that they're able to feel comfortable enough to call or text their parents instead of worrying about, like, oh my gosh, my parents, they're gonna be so upset.
• 10:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, actually the opposite.
• 10:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If a child or children of ours uses that code word because they feel uncomfortable, and we go pick them up, our children and child doesn't they don't need to say anything in the car ride home.
• 10:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And as parents, we don't have to say a whole lot, just say, you know, thank you for doing what you did.
• 10:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because it's not easy.
• 10:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because I'm sure the I'm sure friends and other people there are like, oh, come on, just stay a little bit longer.
• 11:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I was a kid once, right?
• 11:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We all all were, and so we number one have to be a parent and talk about these things that even if it's our child or children's best friend in the world, it doesn't matter.
• 11:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It doesn't matter if it's the best friend in the world, the BFF, or not.
• 11:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If we don't feel comfortable, we don't want our children or child to be in a position where again they could maybe be taken advantage of the peer pressure, all those things.
• 12:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So, one, as a parent, we have to have those conversations ahead of time and let our children or a child, and some of us have more than one child, and some of us have one child.
• 12:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that's why I'm saying child and children right next to each other when I'm saying it.
• 12:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we have to have those conversations, and those are uncomfortable situations.
• 12:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uncomfortable conversations because do we want to have our child or children continue to stay at a location and be uncomfortable?
• 12:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Heck no.
• 13:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, we don't.
• 13:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we could have another code word that it like that everything's okay, like I feel comfortable.
• 13:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we, as the parent of the child or children, they're going over for a get-together.
• 13:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe it's a baseball team, maybe it's a softball team, maybe it's a cheerleading squad, maybe I don't know.
• 13:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's so many kinds of get-togethers that can happen.
• 13:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But we gotta we we gotta have those conversations, and we have to provide safe space for the child and children to feel like the feel empowered that they can make that decision.
• 14:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because we know that the brain, right?
• 14:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The brain grows as the child grows, it grows from the back of the front.
• 14:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So reasoning and all that that doesn't come until uh in the 20s, ages twenty in twenty in the twenties.
• 14:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So you take a 15-year-old, they're not gonna have a fully developed brain.
• 14:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nothing against them, nothing against anybody.
• 14:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's just the way it is.
• 15:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Oh, you're micromanaging your kid, your helicopter parent.
• 15:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, I would rather the police not get called on my family.
• 15:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: My if their friends are bringing over alcohol or they're visibly intoxicated by some kind of substance, and so we get a hold of their parents and we have them come get picked up, or you know, the driving's a whole new ball game.
• 16:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Trust me, Ben, they're done that.
• 16:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we have to have safe spaces.
• 16:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have to be okay with conversations that are uncomfortable.
• 16:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We really do.
• 16:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so this dovetails into voices for voices.
• 16:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because we talk about tough topics, they're not easy to talk about.
• 16:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't get any of joy, I don't get any money, I don't get anything extra or anything at all for any of this that we're doing.
• 16:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I'm not even asking for money.
• 17:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not asking for donations.
• 17:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you want to donate, great, we'd love that.
• 17:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But I'm not I don't I don't get style points or or what whatever somebody may think when I talk and our guests talk about hard topics.
• 17:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We don't get enjoyment out of that.
• 17:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We wish we didn't have to do this.
• 17:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We wish we wouldn't have to talk about these hard topics and these hard situations, uncomfortable, uncomfortable conversations, uncomfortable, uncomfortable events, get-togethers, sleepovers, whatever, whatever it may be.
• 17:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Pizza party.
• 17:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hey, our team won a tournament, so we're gonna have a pizza party over at Justin's house.
• 18:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I I don't know, I'm you know, just going off the cuff here, and I've just realized and starting to realize the passage of time, and people say, Well, what age did you talk?
• 18:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What would you talk to your child or children?
• 18:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't know, but it's probably gonna come up sooner rather than later, I hope.
• 18:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because do we want our kid, our children, our child to get in a car with people that are visibly intoxicated, or even if they don't look like they're intoxicated, still could be?
• 18:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, we don't.
• 18:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's too many car crashes, car wrecks.
• 19:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's why insurance rates are through the roof for younger drivers.
• 19:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So this is interesting to talk about because it happens.
• 19:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We don't want it to happen.
• 19:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It just does.
• 19:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we can be a parent that again that it provides safe space code words, passwords, whatever may be, so that our child, our children come home safe at the end of the night or in the morning after a sleepover.
• 20:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And this is where judging starts, I think.
• 20:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some parents may think that's alright.
• 20:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Oh, I've taught my child and my children so that they know just to say no.
• 20:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well we we we can want that and we we can think that that's gonna help.
• 20:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But does it really at all the time?
• 20:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're never gonna be perfect.
• 21:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If we're an electrician and we show up without any tools or out without any repair equipment, parts, guess what?
• 21:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: People are probably gonna go, well, that wasn't a good electrician.
• 21:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: They didn't come prepared with all their tools.
• 21:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So you might call another electrician and they'll get the job.
• 21:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we want to equip our children, our child with as many facts and tools that we can.
• 22:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Again, this doesn't mean that everything's gonna wind up.
• 22:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Great in all situations.
• 22:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're human, we make errors, we're not perfect.
• 22:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's a lot of things as humans that they can be like, eh, maybe that wasn't the best choice.
• 22:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it just it happens, we have the information, we and sometimes we just don't make the best decision.
• 22:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: All we can do is again equip our child children with the tools, as many tools, and make them as easy as possible.
• 23:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that if they are in an uncomfortable situation, they feel empowered to let us, the parents, know so we can go remove them from that uncomfortable situation atmosphere.
• 23:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you for joining us on this episode.
• 23:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're grateful to have you with us.
• 23:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Let's celebrate all the voices of all the humans in the world.
• 24:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I think we're just over eight billion.
• 24:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, let's be a voice for not only us, but maybe somebody else in need as well.
• 24:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Take care.
• 24:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We'll see you on the next episode.
• 24:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Bye bye for now.