Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Double (Baby) Duty with Raven Gates

Transcript

Double (Baby) Duty with Raven Gates · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome to Almost Famous with Ben out still
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: in Italy. We decided to have some girl some mom time,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: so I have my friend Raven Gates on the.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: Phone right now on zoom. Hey, Raven, you.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Just started out by telling me it's been one of
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: those days, and I was like, let's just press record,
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: because that's what we're here to vent about, those days,
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: which you and I have experienced for the first time
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: in the past year and a half and now you
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: are just doubling it with the second baby. So please
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: tell me what was your day, Like.
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: Today's one of those days. And I'm like, what have
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: I done? Yes, takeet bay And for the most part,
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: I love it, but you know how hard it is.
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: And then just like I ran in here, I was
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: like five minutes late hopping on because I was like, Okay,
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: we can go to Chick fil a Gates to like
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: play and they have like a little play area there.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: Well I get there and then Max starts screaming, So
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: it's like, you know, now it's not just solely one,
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: it's like one in the other and balancing that and
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: I'm like dying.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I'm here for you, and I am just
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: terrified to like be in your position. So like you
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: were the same, like we wanted I want another child, yes,
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: you want perhaps more, but we'll get there later.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: You definitely want that second.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: You got pregnant with your second when you were nine
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: months postpartum with Gates, so like, I know that was
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: a surprise, and I was like, girl, I don't know
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: what I mean. You know, like i'd be happy and
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: be like, Okay, well, we're just gonna knock it out,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: and then for me.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: I'd be like and then we're gonna be done and
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: we're gonna do it all together.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: But I just like don't know, like how you're doing
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: two under two, So just like let us in well.
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: To be honest with you, Usually most of my days,
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: people get onto me on Instagram a lot because they
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: think I'm sugarcoating it. I really love and enjoy being
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: a mom. I love it even on hard days. I
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: really love it, and honestly, I think I'm pretty good
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: at it. Adam has a much tougher time than I do.
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: It doesn't come assual to him. Plus I think it's
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: just like the man thing they have a learning curve
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: for sure, is very very hard for him. He even
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: told me the other day, he was like, is postpartum
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: depression for men real? And I'm like, it totally, Yeah,
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: of course it is. I was like, and you are
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: totally fine to feel that way. Most days are really good,
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: but like today, you just have to know there are
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: gonna be days like yeah, and it's hard. But for
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: the most part, I love it, and I feel like
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: I've done really really well balancing it. But you know,
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: we just all have. We have good days and bad
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: days and we're getting through it.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: You know, you touched on something A couple of things
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: there that I do want to bring up.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: First, your Instagram.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: You do make mothering look easy, and I do look
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: to you as like an inspiration amuse at some times,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: and then half the time I'm like, how the does
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: she do it like this?
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: I'm like, she just made it like.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: She's got her hair and makeup done. You said before
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: we got on, You're like, you look pretty. I was like, literally,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: I put on mascara and t did moisture rides are
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: on for you, Raven, because you impressed me every day
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: with putting yourself together. And yeah, so like what I
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: do think it comes easier to you. But let's go
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: back to Instagram. Lots of people do comment and they're
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: like is this really Like how do you do this?
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: How do you do this?
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: And I have twenty eight hours of like nanny help
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: every week and I am still.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: Just getting by.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Thank God for the nanny because she makes me feel
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: relatively sane. But like before she came into my life,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: when he was at nine months, I was like losing
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: my ship.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, totally. I mean, I think we were supposed to
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: mother with a community and we just don't have that anymore.
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: Like our culture doesn't help us mother It's really put
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: on the mom. But yeah, I've been kind of in
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: this little dilemma with Instagram because you see a lot
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: of negativity about mothering. Oh it almost discourages and I'm
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: not saying not to be real, but sometimes it discourages
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: women from being mothers. But my hope on my Instagram
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: is to, like you said, being cur urging and kind
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: of like a muse to people and not make people
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: feel like less than or like she's doing it and
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: I'm not. And I've been trying to make sure people
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: know that but I also find motherhood to be very beautiful,
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: and to be honest, I recognize that it's much easier
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: for me than most. And I think it's because I
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: all my best friends back home have six to twelve
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: year olds. Okay, so I've been around forever, my nieces,
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: my nephew. I mean, I have been a baby person forever,
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: and I helped raise my nephew from the time he
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: was born, and my niece, and so I'm just I
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: kind of feel very confident in being a mom. And
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: I actually had many women in my life that were
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: music is to me and so showing that I have
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: makeup and my hair done.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: And all of that.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: It's not every day, but I think, you know what,
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: it may be like two o'clock in the afternoon when
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: I finally get one kid asleep and I'm just going
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: to bring the other baby in here with me, throw
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: some toys in the floor, and like do my hair makeup.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: Not for anybody else, but like I like to do it.
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: And that kind of helped me be me and not
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: get like lost in the chaos of being a mom.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: But for other girls, like make hair and makeup's a
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: hassle for some people. They don't enjoy it. It's not
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: like therapeutic.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: I do enjoy it. I like enjoy it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: I get like a half an hour to listen to
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: a podcast while I do my makeup and he's somewhere else.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: It's amazing.
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: Yes, And so for like, for you, that's therapeutic if
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: you can just set the baby aside, let him play
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: and you do your hair makeup for like twenty twenty
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: minute routine or less. You can like a five minute
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: routine or whatever. Yeah, I think some may see that
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: as like, well, it's just a half song, like do
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: my hair makeup and stuff. So you just have to
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: like do your thing, the one thing, your own thing.
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: Do like one thing I told someone on Instagram the
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: other day that have a cup of coffee when when
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: everyone's asleep.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, I was gonna say when it's hot.
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: Or take a bath, take a quick bath like something
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: me you can enjoy and that way you just kind
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: of feel like yourself, you know, just a little bit
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: something in the day for you. But like I said,
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: today has just been like there's no there's no time today.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Well, like I even feel guilty about like when the
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: nanny comes and it's like nine o'clock and I'm like.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, it's time to get to work.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Like I feel like if I waste any time where
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not working during those times, I'm wasting. Like in
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: the back of my head, I'm like, you're wasting. You're wasting,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: even though like sometimes I'm like, I'm gonna take this
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: hot cup of coffee, bring it back to bed and
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: watch the first half an hour of Kelly and Mark
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: without trying.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: To like think about anything else.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Why do I have this guilt that, like, when I
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: have free time, I still need to be productive.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: Is do you find that? Yes?
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: I do. I especially did with Gates when I just
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: had Gates. But with two, I'm just like, I need
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: the cup of coffee. I need I need it, I
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: have to have it. You loosen up a little bit,
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: at least I did. But no, I totally understand that
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: that mom guilt with I mean, I have it. I
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: have it really bad because Adam wants to travel, so
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: he wants to go and do in like them's in Italy.
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: We just went to Italy for our baby moon. No,
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: the whole way, the whole time we were there, I
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: told Adam, I want you to know I'm really struggling.
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: I feel guilty blah blah blah.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: And because you love Gates.
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and just like that time, you know you, I
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: think mom guilt is just inevitable, you know, Like.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I want to go like on little trips, like just
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: a couple of trips for like three nights. I think
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: that would be nice, But Jared won't do it. Jared's like,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: I want.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: To be with Dawson.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: You know, We're going to talk about him the entire time,
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: and we're just going to FaceTime and look at pictures
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: of him, and we're gonna be.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: Like, why do we do this?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, I think we would do that
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: like the first day, and then we'd be like, oh,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: this is kind of good for us, and we do
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: that with you know, when we go to weddings and stuff. Yeah,
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: but Jared is very much team like, we don't leave
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Dawson unless we have to.
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, and I I get that completely, But you
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: guys also need your time too. It's so hard though,
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: because he probably feels the guilt leaving.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Him well, probably because he doesn't have as much time
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: with him during the week, because like Adam, he's at work,
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: he's away from the house the majority of the Monday
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: through Friday and like even weekends and stuff. So I have,
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: like my Phil a lot of Dawson and he is
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: just always craving more quality time. Yeah, yeah, lots of
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: lots of things. So I want to go from here. Okay, Well, Adam, Adam,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: and you actually did inspire me through something on your
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Instagram and I told you this last week, But like.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: I was like, how did they go on date nights?
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Like they're always on date night, Like they like they're
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: always like a dinner and it's so nice, and like
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: their relationship just seems like we have a very healthy, open,
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: very communicative relationship. But like the thing is, like there's
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: something about you guys that just like there just seems
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: to be a lot of romance still there even though
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: you've been together for six years.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: And then you mentioned that.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: You had the date calendar and that you plan your
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: dates out, which I love, and I like didn't even
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: realize that that's like something you sort of have to
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: do because we would always just be like, oh, well,
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: we'll see later in the week if we have like
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: an opening at the end of the week, and then
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: we could see if we could get a sitter, right,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: but you guys like really make it a point and priority.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: So can you share what you guys do and how
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: you've been doing it?
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure, I think well, I think i've shared
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: with this this before with you that we have done
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: all sorts of couples counseling before.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: I was going to bring that up, yes, and I.
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: Think that really helped. But yeah, just having the kids,
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: I just I think one thing with counseling, and then
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: also just like your partner in general, knowing their weaknesses.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: And I know that if I don't have some time
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: with Adam, we're going to lose it, Like we're going
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: to lose the spark, we're going to get in the mundane.
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: And it's just like Adam traveling. I know he wants
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: to travel, so like there are things that we know
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: about each other's personality that we try to stay on
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: top of. But when it comes to planning dates, there's
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: so many good restaurants here in Dallas, Like that's one
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: of our reservations, is like getting out and trying new restaurants.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and since we're so jealous of everything you eat.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, it's so good. Well, you just have
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: to come to Dallas and we'll take you to all
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: the places. But scheduling it out and having a date
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: on the calendar for me helps me with the boys
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: because I have something to look forward to, Yes, because
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: you can get so lost, as you know, you get
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: so lost and up to your head with work, with
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: being a mom, that you just need I tell Adam
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: all the time, let's just like book a trip six
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: months out, a year out and just have something to
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: look forward to. And so we just kind of started
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: doing that with dates like this weekend we have a date,
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: and then we have some weddings coming up, so I
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: kind of consider like us going to a wedding as
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: a date of ours, you know, And that has helped
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: so so much, just for not even between me and Adam.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: It's helped me not to kind of like lose it
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: for myself, like yeah, okay, I can still you know,
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: go out and get dressed up, and then of course
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: we have a good time because we get to reconnect again.
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I don't know, it's it's hard. It's very hard.
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: And like you said, we were doing the whole thing
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: like if we have free time, we'll go. Something always
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: comes up like you schedule it, you know.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, well, I appreciate you guys for giving us that idea.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: I think we also were just like, oh, like the weekend, right,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: like you obviously would go out on a cand but
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: like no, like for us, like, actually, like Wednesday's work better,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: So we're probably just gonna stick to a Wednesday like
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: every other Wednesday. And I want to make it different
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: dates because when we went to Paradise, going on like
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: the jet skis and stuff like that, was that was
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: way more sparky than just going to dinner over and
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: over again.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: Totally yeah, yeah, you gotta spice it up a little bit.
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: I was just telling Adam it's been six years since
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: Paradise and that seems like such a far well, like
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: another lifetime ago. But going on those tops of dates
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: is important because you need a little romance and in
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: the mix of everything, I need to still feel like
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: my husband thinks I'm sexy, exact, And I was totally
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: joking with Adam the other day, but he was kind
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: of like we could do that. I was like, let's
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: just because after the C section, you can't have sex
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: for until you're cleared. So I told him I was
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: like you have if you want to sleep with me,
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: you have to take me on a hot date.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like a different date, right, yes, like a different date.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: Like you have to wo me, like act like you're
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: dating me. And he was like, well, why don't we
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: just meet.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: At a bar and oh, I love it so much, act.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: Like we don't know each other and like I'm trying
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: to get you to sleep with me. And I was like,
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: oh my gosh, I'm down for that.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'd be so down for that.
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: Isn't that fun just to like go and you know,
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: I mean it's it's pretend it's play, but you're so
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: comfortable with each other at this point, it's like could
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: be really fun and spicy. You know.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: I so want to do that now. Thank you for
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: that idea.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: So with Adam, I know that you guys live in
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Dallas because of his work.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Now it's his all. This family still in southern California
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: or is there a parent that's in Dallas.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: Yes, one brother and his dad is in California and
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: then one another brother and his mom is.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: Here in Texas. Okay, so you have his mom, yeah,
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: but like you don't have your parents.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: So for me, the biggest struggle with having Dawson has
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: just been not having my parents there and my sister
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: there to help on a daily basis. I think, like
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: very much. It's like a I think the mom's parents
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: like need to be around, like extreme dependency.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah all the time. Our lives would be so different
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: if my mom lived close to us.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know all the time.
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: Yes, Mom, every day and even my dad. My dad
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: joke around like he can literally be a not nurse
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: because he will just stay up all night with the
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: babies and not going. And I was like, our lives
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: would be totally different if my mom was here. That
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: it makes you like really really miss your mom.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: It's like probably the only area in like our lives
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: where it's like we are in different pages. Don't like
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: know a solution on it at all. Like Jared kind
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: of wants to do like the winters in Virginia. I'm like, so,
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: you you're telling me that you want to live for
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: three months out of the year in my parents' basement,
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: like if you want to, like okay, But he like
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: is so just tied to Rhode Island.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: I don't know what we're gonna do for the second.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: It just feels like impossible not to have like that
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: full hands on family, like the feeling of practically having
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: your parents live with you, Like because I know that
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: my mom would never go a day without seeing Dawson
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: if we lived there and pretty much stay with my sister.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: And my dad is like so obsessed with him too,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: like every day, like when's my Dawson FaceTime?
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so totally Oh is that isn't it? Is it frustrating?
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Do you guys ever debate where you might end up
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: or because you're building a house.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, No, it's always been that we're living here. It's
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: always that has always been the agreement.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's kind of same with us, And everything changed
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: when we had Dawson, because, like, I was totally fine.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I living in Rhode Island. It's an hour flight for
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: my parents. I go home for almost a week every month.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: We're very lucky in that. Of course, when we had
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: to add the second child and then Dawson turns two,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: then the flights are going to get way more expensive,
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: and that's something to consider too. We will be able
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: to bounce back and forth so much exactly, you know, right, so,
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: like and my parents will never ever move here.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: My dad wants to die.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: In our house in Virginia. Now, when your parents move
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: to Texas.
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: I don't see them moving. They have toyed with that idea.
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: I truly never got my hopes up because I just
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: don't see that happening. Yeah, and my mom's retired now,
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: my dad can retire anytime, so that helps come here.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: But it's just like you, it's an hour flight and
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: it's like seven and a half hour drive if we
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: were to drive, yeah, seven hours, so it's exactly the same.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: But no, I mean, I just I think I have
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: already warned my mom not being here, Yeah, because I
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: just know there's four our me and Adam. There's no
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: way she'll never be here. Yeah. I totally understand that
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: my life would be so different if my mother was here.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: And it's not as if we don't love our mother
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: in laws like I totally do. It's just like I'm
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: not going to ask her constantly like can you watch him.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: If I get my nails done down the street?
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: Well, yes, And it's not like like you're comfortable with
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: your mom and for you're that you can kind of
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: snap at them if.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: You need to.
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah, absolutely, I can't do that, like I'm not
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: as comfortable as like I can't ask if I can
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: go get my nails done, like it's just so much
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: better with my mom. And then I think, and you too,
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: for now, where are the where are the boy moms?
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, so we're we're.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: Gonna be We're never going to be the girl mom.
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: So well maybe we will. Yeah, but I just think
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: about that, like I'll be like my like Adam's okay,
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: sorry law, Yes, Adam's mom had three boys when I
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: had Gates, and you know the whole story I was about.
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: I was pushing I wanted her in the room because
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: she would never get to see the birth of her
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: grandchild and she's with a with a daughter in law.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: I just think about that. I'm like, if I only
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: have sons, I may not get to see. I may
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: not be as close. I may not get to see,
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: I may not get to experience. And so I just
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: think about that because I'm like, yeah, it's definitely different
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: girls mother's it's totally different. I'm okay with that, but
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: it's for my children, but it's different, Like it's not
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: going to be like how how a girl is with
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: her mom, Like the son.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Is with the mom. Yep, exactly like it.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: And Jared also has this thing and I'm sure Adam
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: sort of would have the same thing.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: He doesn't love.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Asking for help from his parents even when we need it,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: Like it's a pride thing.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, Adam will ask at the drop of a hat,
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: even if I.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: Don't jealous, jealous.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: Even if I don't need it. He'll be like, I
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: call my mom just coming over, and I appreciate it
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: so much. Yeah, he But I also remember you saying
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: that Jared was very hands on, very good with Dawson.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah he is sing and Adam Adam is, like I said,
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: Adam is struggles with that. So I think that's why
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: he's so much more willing to interesting.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, that could be it. So how has he
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: grown in all that?
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: I really think it has to do with Gates's age
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: and just being able to communicate a little bit, smile, laugh,
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: play like those were so important for Adam and he
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: definitely had a learning curve, like right now with Max.
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: Max is almost two months old and Adam does not
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: know what to do with Max. He has no idea
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: and this is not his first rodeo like he has
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: done this before.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: And he had Adam's my dad.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Adam was my dad with us, and is my dad
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: with Dawson when he was an infant. Like, my dad
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: didn't hold Dawson until he was like five days old,
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: even though we were like living at their house, because
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: he was like, I'm gonna break up. I have no
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: interest in infants, blah blah blah. But now he just
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: obsessed and like very hands on. It's so funny how
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: some men just can't handle infants.
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just so different. And I guess I don't
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: know about your dad, but I know Adam hasn't had
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: never been around babies before, so he has a huge
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: learning curve of like what that? And then he did
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: it again and then here we are, and now I
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: know my expectation. He's just not good at the infancy stage.
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: And that's fine because you know they usually want just
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: their mom anyway, and they're a big blob. You just
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: feed them, put them to bed, change the dpper. It's
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: like clockwork. But he's so much better with Gates. It's
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: just like I told him the other day, I was like,
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: I'm so proud of you for your relationship with Gates.
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: Not I didn't know. I knew he would be a
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: good dad, yeah, but I didn't know how it was
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: going to develop after seeing him with Gates.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: As a new born like that to freak you out.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: No, I just like, you better get it together, like
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: this is our life. So like he had to figure
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: it out, and I was very frustrated at times.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: I still am.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: I still get very frustrated at Adam because I hear
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: of all these girls, I'm like, low key jealous, Like
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: they're like, oh yeah, he gets up in the middle
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: of the night. I'm like, yeah, I'm so jealous. Like
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: Adam's brother, older brother was down here last weekend, the
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: one that lives in California, and his sister in law
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: was like telling me, oh yeah, Will gets up in
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: the middle of the night. We everything is fifty to fifties.
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: I give a bottle, it's his turn next. I changed
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: a job, or it's his turn next. I'm like, Adam,
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: are you hearing this? Like can you take some notes?
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: Can you like change it up for every once in
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: a while.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: But so we all have our things that were jealous of.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I'm jealous of you being like the perfect pregnant person
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: because you never have any symptoms and then you're jealous
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: of me because when it's in the infant stage, Jared
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: was very you're diaper, my diaper, your bottle, my bottle.
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: Yes, that's amazing to have that kind of partner.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: So you were prepared though.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I remember you telling me the last time we podcast
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: together that it was on my I Don't get it
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: podcast by the way, guys, and it was when we
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: were both pregnant. You may have had the baby, may
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: have been pregnant.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: It was something like that.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, we didn't do that. That wasn't the situation.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: Because we had the babies within ten days a part
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: of each other.
• 24:55
  Speaker 4: We must have been been pregnant.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: We are both pregnant.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: So I remember you talking about marriage therapy and how
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: you did it beforehand and how you're very prepared going
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: into motherhood and fatherhood because you were like going to
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: take that traditional maybe some may say old school mother route.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: So how did you guys discuss that? Like I just
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: want to kind of know and like, do you still
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: do therapy? Just like keep it on a healthy level.
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: So Adam and I and I might have said this
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: in on your other podcast. We grew up totally different,
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: and I just that's what I wanted for my family,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: and I reserve my right to change my mind. I
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: reserve my right to the traditional stay at home.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: And I deserve my it's my right to say I
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: don't want to live in Rude Island anymore.
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: Yes, exactly, exactly, No.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I'm kidding, I'm really I'm actually like quite good here
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: right now during the summer and lots of family visits.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: But yes, go ahead continue, Yes, I totally agree.
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: But like therapy was really helpful for us, which we
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: we were mandatory how to do therapy before we got
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: married just because we had different religious backgrounds and so
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: to get married under a certain rabbi, we had to
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: do all this therapy. So it kind of forced us
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: to do it. It was like, not, we're not, like
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: we didn't seek it on our own, so we haven't
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: stayed on top of it. But it did just highlight
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: some of those differences we had, and like let's find
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: common ground, like or maybe open our eyes to the
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: perspective a little differently than what we would have before,
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: because we are so different. Adam and I are so different,
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: and I don't know, I think, like I said earlier,
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: I was just so prepared because I've been around babies.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: I wanted babies, and Adam not. So he wanted a family,
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: but he just grew up completely different.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Because his parents weren't together and it wasn't like the
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: kind of family unit you had.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: No, it was all of it, really, but he, like
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: his mom and dad were workaholics, so he wasn't around
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: them like I was around my mom, and so for
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: him it was very easy to delegate a ton of
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: time for a nanny or a housekeeper or this or that.
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: That was just like his normal. And for me, I
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: was like, I never had anyone ever clean my house before.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: That was just unheard of from like where I come from.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: That was just I don't think you could get a housekeeper.
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: I mean that was just like, I mean crazy to
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: think that someone could even afford one. So we were
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: just totally different socioeconomics, religion, everything. So to have someone
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: to kind of come through all the things that we
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: needed and wanted individually and then connect the dots for
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: us of what would work was really helpful.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds it, And I've given that advice that
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: you gave us about like it's just a healthy, good thing.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: To go through before getting married to other people, being like, if.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: You feel awkward addressing this issue.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Go to Premier Riddle Counseling and then they'll bring it
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: up for you and then you guys can hash it
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: out in in an environment in which like it's not
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: going to get like overly hostile because there's going to
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: be a mediator. Yes one, All right, let's talk a
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: little bit about Max and your past few months. So
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: you had the plan C section because well it was
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: It wasn't because of the way that Gates was born,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: which was in total traumatic fashion, and we don't have
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: to go into that, but you would think that after
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: that you would have had a plan sea section, just
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: because a lot of the times they don't do vbax,
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: which means if you have a first if you have
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: a C section, depending on your obi, they may not
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: be keen on the idea of you try a vaginal birth.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: So that wasn't the case. You actually had a placenta issue.
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so she told me, going, I had such a
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: horrible experience with Gates's.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: Birth, and yeah, I would have just wanted the sea section.
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: Well, the most terrifying part about Gates's birth was the
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: sea section for me, Oh my god, I forgot I
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: felt everything. Yeah and little So okay, let me just
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: tell you the story because I need to tell you
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: this on or off a podcast.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: But okay, if you're okay and comfortable being on.
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: I so I wanted to do a v back because
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: I was terrified at the sea section. That would a
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: movie for me. I mean, and I hear experiences like
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: you and some of my other girlfriends that have just
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: like amazing birthing experience sea section or vaginal delivery, Like
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: I've heard amazing things, and all my C section girlfriends
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: are like, oh, it's the best thing. You're in and
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: you're out as fifteen minutes. It's like, absolutely not. I
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: could never ever go through that again. That was a
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: horror movie. And so I told my ob and she's like,
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: I usually do not do vbas because there's risk involved
• 30:14
  Speaker 4: in all the stuff, she said, but if you want
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: to try, I won't say no. It's it's up to you.
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: So when we did my anatomy scam, my placenta was growing.
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: Like the umbilical cord is supposed to be in the middle,
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: it was on the side of my placenta. So I
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: wouldn't have been able to birth the placenta or like,
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: you know, push the placenta out. I could have pushed
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: the baby out fine, but not the placenta. So she's like, Okay,
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: we're gonna have a c section because you could have
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: the baby and then have a c section for the placenta.
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: We don't want to do.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Definitely not not another crazy experience either an unexpected experience
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: at least with the plan sees action you have hopefully yeah,
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: knowledge that like it's all going to go according to plan.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: And my Obi turned around in her chair and she said, listen,
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: it's not going to be like last time.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: I said, how do I know? And she said, the
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: person who was administrating your drugs had has gotten fired
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: from the hospital. Holy shit over me.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: So like, you're the aneesiologist. Yes, you know, my dad's
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: an anesthesiologist.
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: So it was Adam's mom.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: Oh no way, Wow, we have so much in common.
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: Oh it's crazy. So fast forward. It was the most
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: amazing thing I've ever experienced. It for you quick perfect.
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, now I get it. I when they
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: pulled him out of me and I was like, they're
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: stitching you up and everything. I just cried and I
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: thinked by the nurses and the OBI. I was just
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: thank you. I knew this validated my experience with Gates
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: because I knew it was not supposed to be that way. Yeah,
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: so anyway, it was just amazing.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: It was.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: It was so much better. So I'm so happy and relieved.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I was praying for you that day and I was.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: I mean, what you went through was absolutely ridiculous.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: It's crazy that the antasy theologist has been fired because
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: I mean what you went through was absolutely you.
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: Know, it's bad if that's the case.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: So yeah, okay, so happy that went smoothly. But then
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: you started breastfeeding and it was going smoothly and then
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden you had awful metisis.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: Can you explain what that is and what you went through?
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: So this is a little TMI, but I've said it
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: on Instagram, I can say it on a podcast. I
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: have inverted nipples, so it's very hard for me to breastfeed,
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: and even the nervses were like, it's going to be
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: very very difficult for you. There's like levels of inverted
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: nipples and I have level three, which is the worst,
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: and most of the time. Level three nipples don't produce
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: milk at all because they never get stimulated enough to
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: so I with Gates, it was very hard for me.
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: I dried up within two months and started my period
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: the next day. It was just bizarre, and I had
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: like third degree burns on my nipple, like burns on
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: my nipples from something because it was that hard to
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: get my nipples out. So with Max, I was determined
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: just to do it as long as it did. With Gates,
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: I know I could do two months. I did it
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: before months, and it was so much easier. The first
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: month it was a breeze. I still had to pump
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: every time because I still have the issue of the
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: inverted nipples, but my milk flow was way better. I
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: was keeping up with his demand. And then all of
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: a sudden, again like with Gates, I got I got
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: mass isis well.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: Thank you for pronouncing it correctly, my bad.
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: I usually don't pronounce words correct And so it all
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: started the same thing happened it was, I got the infection.
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: I also started breaking out in hoves on my eye
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: and I still I woke up last night and had
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: it on my eyes and my milk dropped got the infection,
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: got on medicine, milk came back up, got some another infection,
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: milk went down, and now I'm like completely empty.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: Well I'm sorry about that.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: You didn't met You did almost be your goal though,
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: right you were like you were almost were almost there.
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: It's about two weeks two weeks away from being there.
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: So but breast treating is hard. I mean, you know.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: How I mean, I don't know, because you know I
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: didn't do it.
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: There you go. See, I didn't mind if I have
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: a third I'm just packing the formula in my hospital
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: bag and that's all I'm gonna do because it's just
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: mentally exhausting, physically exhausting, and I just my body's not
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: made for it.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have just I grew up. I wasn't breastfed.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: Jared wasn't breastfed from the very start. So it was
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: like I was kind of surrounded by women who who
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: didn't like prioriti like, I mean, doesn't it's whatever. I'm
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: just gonna say things the way i'm gonna say, not
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: try to be overly careful. They didn't like prioritize that,
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: and like they had a great journey with formula feeding
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: and then my sister in law, who gave birth three
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: months earlier, she's like, I tried in the hospital and
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: I said, no, thank.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: You, here's the formula.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: And then for me, when I was just so much
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: needing my body back after just being wrecked for like
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: seven months, that I was like, I'm like, yeah, yeah,
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to like attempt. I'm so sorry, but
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: I'm like not gonna attempt. I need it back, you know,
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: And I know turn yeah, like you we're good.
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: It's all good.
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: I saw this funny meme that was like, Okay, yes,
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: you're a breast fed, but like, also, your kid's going
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: to eat a fry off like their car seat in
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: a matter of months, so.
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: What's the matter. Like when I was going through all
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: this stuff trying to breastfeed, my mom's like I can't
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: help you. She's like I literally have no words of
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: encouragement to give you because I didn't do this. She's like,
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: just forget the formula. My mom was like, get the formula, girl,
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: you're just doing too much.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about your birth date, Like your birthday was
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: your birth date, and when you found out that your
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: ob scheduled it for your birthday this plan c section.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: Were you like, a can we do like the day
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: before or the day after, because like I don't want
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: to share birthdays? Or were you like this is beautiful.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: I would love to share a birthday. Dawson shares a
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: birthday with my my mom, so that's.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: Quite Oh my god, that's so cool. I bet she
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: loved that.
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: She loved it.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: We thought it like when I knew my do date
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: was February tenth, I was like, I bet you I
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: have him on the thirty first, and then there it
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: was really.
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: Weird how kids end up on dates of family members.
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: Like out of all the days out.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: There, there's a lot, we have a lot of rollover
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: my family. I think there's three dates that we have
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: multiple birthdays on. And then the thirty January thirty first,
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: my mom's birthday. Dawson's birthday was also the day that
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: my parents met. I think it was forty forty one,
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: Maybe like forty two years.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: To the day. I'd have to do the math, but
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: I think maybe forty two years today.
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: I just there, to me, there are no coincidences. It's
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: just really really cool to see that. That's so bizarre
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: and who would have thought, it's just so crazy. It
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: has to have some sort of meaning, like meant to
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: be the destiny all of that. Yeah, Adam definitely did
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: not want us to share a birthday. He down to
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: the day. We were walking in the hospital. He's like,
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: you can't do this tomorrow. I'm like, Adam, we are here,
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: we're this is happening in thirty minutes, Like what are
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: you talking about. He's like, I just just don't watch
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: you all to share a birthday for me. I didn't
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: care because, like, for I'm not a huge birthday person.
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: Like I told Adam, I want a pink cake for
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: my birthday.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: That's all.
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: I want something pink and girlly and just not for
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: boys and just very girly. And so he did, he
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: got me a pink heartcake.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: But I was excited.
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: I thought it was really cool. I love that his
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: birthday is seven twenty thirty twenty three. It's on my birthday.
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: What a what a? Oh it was my thirty second birthday,
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: so we have like thirty two twenty three. I was
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: just like, it's supposed to happen. And then what's crazy
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: is I was born at ten eighteen. He was born
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: at eight ten, so we have those numbers in common too,
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: So I just thought it was really cool. But Adam
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: absolutely did not want us to share birthday. He's still
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: mad about that thing.
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: Oh that's so funny, all right.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: You've mentioned it recently on Instagram that like Gates at
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: first was so cool with Max, so so sweet. Off
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: those videos melted my heart of him running in and
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: visiting you guys in the hospital.
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: Oh my, that's video.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Ever, Like I feel like, yeah, I need to like
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: I should have screen recorded. But recently he's had some
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: jealousy issues with Max.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: Can you elaborate?
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, he like wakes up every morning he's
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: like baby and he goes and gets he comes with
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: me to get Max and he'll like kiss him and
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: all of that, and he'll be like baby baby. He's
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: just like obsessed with him. But then throughout the day
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: he will he loves to bop him as hard as
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: he can on the head, and any chance he gets
• 40:29
  Speaker 4: he takes.
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: I can see Dawson doing this so clearly.
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: Anytime he's bopping him on the head. And I mean
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: he is rough. If you have if anyone has seen
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: my son Gates, he's huge. He's wide. Yeah, very wide
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: and very strong.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: He looks like a two and a half year old,
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: not a one and a half year old.
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: It's crazy. He's just we call him hoss Baby instead
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: of boss Baby. We call him hoss Baby because he's
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: literally just so massive and strong. And so the first
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: time he bopped him on the head, I was like,
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: oh my gosh, like it, does he have a concussion?
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: I swear, I'm freath so scary.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: I'm so sorry he is.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: And now it's like I just know if I hear.
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: If I have Max playing on his mat or doing
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: tummy tom on the floor and Gates all of a
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: sudden gets really quiet, I know I better run to
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: Max because he's just like got his hand up ready
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: to bop him in the head and then he'll like
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: give him a kiss. I'm like, I know what you
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: were doing, Gates. He's just getting to that point. And
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: I'm sure it's d awsin too, like they can't verbalize how
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: they feel and so they just kind of act out.
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: And so it's just kind of been difficult in that
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: because when you're feeding the baby, I can't go to
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: Gates's ever he needs them once like I have been
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: the past year and a half, and so it's just
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: been challenging in that regard. But it's a hate thing
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: for Gates right now.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: I also he's like at an age where he doesn't
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: get it, like hopefully with like like we're gonna start
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: try next month, which holy shit, now I know I'm
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: getting off my spornal lactone today, which is like the
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: worst thing ever because you're.
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: Supposed to be off of it for a month. It's
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: my like acting drug.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: And yeah, like I think it's like an additional nine
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: months plus whatever.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: Who knows how much.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Will help him to like understand that, like you can't
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: hurt things, because he's definitely in like the handsy phase.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: And as much fun as this age is a year
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: and a half, it's also it's when the temper tantrums
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: start because they just don't know how to communicate when
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: they're frustrated.
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, that was just insplay. Just like ten minutes before
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: I hopped on this phone call, Max is screaming. Then
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: Gates is mad that I couldn't pick him up. I'm like,
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: your brother's screaming, But he doesn't understand. It's just like
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: a tough time with emotions at this age. But it'll
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: be nice for Dawson too, because a lot of people
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: told me to let Gates give the baby a gift
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: for his arrival or whatever make him feel included, and like,
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: the baby can give Gates a gift. Well, Gates was
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: still too young for even that, Like he had no
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: idea what a gift was, and so I couldn't include
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: him in the pregnancy or the birth because he just
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: didn't have He doesn't have. He just wasn't old enough yet.
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: But Dawson will be old enough. I mean even if
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: he got pregnant next month and nine months from then,
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: I mean, Dawson's gonna understand like, oh baby, okay, give
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: the baby a gift at the hospital or baby's coming
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: home with us, and he'll kind of kind of understand
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: it a little bit better.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: For sure, should be acknowledged that I'm like, ugh, next month, wait,
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: and you totally understand, right, because it's like you want
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: more kids, but you also just don't know how to
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: hand through your life. So your good friend Tia just
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: posted something very relatable on Instagram because she her baby
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: is what like nine months Yeah, I he'll be here
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: in December, Okay, So she said, like, I'm just going
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: through a hard time right now because well, I don't
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: have that much time for myself. It feels like everything
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: is either taking care of the baby, taking care of
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: the house, or doing work. And I just kind of like,
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: don't know that we have advice on this butt like
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: we're there with you for anybody.
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: Out there in our in our and we're all in
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: this together.
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: Adams calls it, we're in the trenches, that's what he says.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when people ask like.
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: How are you, He's like, we're in the trenches, like
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: we're in war right now. So we get it.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like it's just the best of times and
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: the worst of times.
• 44:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it is. And and I had this conversation the
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: other day because it has been really hard on him,
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: and of course it's been hard on me too, but
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: way way more on Adam. And he said, you know,
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't mind another child. He's like, but it's just
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: so hard. And I told him, the time's going to
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: pass either way. None if you got pregnant next month,
• 45:25
  Speaker 4: nine months are going to pass regardless, So they're either
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: going to pass with you being pregnant or not. And
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: it's it's it's it's such fleeting to think that time
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: time is going to stay with us forever, because it doesn't.
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: So if you can just make it past nine months
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: that are already going to pass anyway, you can like
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: change your perspective on things. Because I was Adam was like, well,
• 45:53
  Speaker 4: if I had five more years before we had kids,
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: I could get this where, this, this place in my
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: career and all these things. I said, yeah, but you
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: would have wasted five years. I just feel like the
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: time was going to like we would have either started
• 46:11
  Speaker 4: family now and been in the trenches now, or we
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: would have started a family in five years and been
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: in the trenches in five years, if you know what
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: I mean. Oh, like there's no avoiding it. I guess. So,
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: but you're gonna get out. We're gonna see the light.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: And I think the light is gonna come around like
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: four where you're just like straight up and enjoying, right.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, when they get Adam says, he asks everybody advice
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: all the time, and he's they tell him that when
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: they can buckle themselves up in the seat in the car,
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: that like even in the car seat, that is like freedom, Yeah,
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: because you don't have to buckle them up. He's just like,
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: get in the car and they buckle themselves up. He's like, then,
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: then you know what freedom tastes like, because it's that
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: little baby step that it's just the baby noss is
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: almost over.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: Sure, m h all right, I know I have to
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: let you go. In a second.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: I do have one more question, but I also just
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: wanted to put out a little advice that I got
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: from people on Instagram when I brought up the whole, like, Okay,
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: I was ready for one. I knew I was ready
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: when I wanted to start, but now, like, how do
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: you know when you're ready for a second? And the
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: best advice I got was for multiple people saying similar things,
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: is said, you won't regret having another, but chances are
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: if you don't have another, you're.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Going to regret not having the other. Yeah, yeah, okay.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Final question is Adam does say that in the house
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: you're building that you're going to put like this third bedroom,
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: a third kid bedroom in there. So for somebody who's
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: really like stressed out about all of this, he's open
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: to the idea of another one, would he want it
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: sooner rather than later so you don't have to do
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: those five years and then be like, oh gosh, we're
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: gonna start fresh again.
• 47:50
  Speaker 4: Yes, he said that. When we it was really funny.
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: It was like leaning over the table looking at his
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: plans and he's like, oh, we could cut down square
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: if we got rid of and he like stared at
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: the fourth room for a really long time, and then
• 48:07
  Speaker 4: he was like, but if we have another one, and
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, so there's a chance, there's a
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: chance mine and he's like, oh right, and he's cussing
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: at me and stuff. He's like, I don't know if
• 48:18
  Speaker 4: I'm ready for that, you know, all that stuff. He's
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: like five minutes later, he's like, I like the name
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: Brock for you know, Brock Godshock.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: That sounds like that's actually pretty cool. He also sounds
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: like a wrestler, Yeah.
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: Really athletic jock something. And I was like, okay, so
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: we it's in the back of his mind, so we'll see.
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: But for right now, it's so hard to say you'll
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: have another one that's a newborn.
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my goodness, no way.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: All right, Well, I'm so excited that we're going to
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: put this out there and that like we got you
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: on the podcast to talk about all this stuff. It's
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: just hearing the stuff makes me feel better as a mom.
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: So I know that.
• 49:02
  Speaker 4: We're I'm excited for you. Wow, Oh my.
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: Gosh, are you really me?
• 49:07
  Speaker 4: Me?
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: I am.
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: I'm excited for you. And you know what if you,
• 49:12
  Speaker 4: if you do, you know, get pregnant, close in age
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: and all of that. One day they'll play together.
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, I know.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited about that because they're gonna I know
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: that he's gonna Dawson's gonna love playing with somebody. And
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: you know, some people say that the transitions easier to
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: a certain point, you know, after what you know, you know,
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: not the newborn new birthdays, but like once he starts
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: to interact and sit up straight, you know.
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: Yes, excited for you. Thank you for having me on this.
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: It's so fun me too, all right, I admire you
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: a ton. All right, we'll see you next time. Until then,
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: I've been Ashley.
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: Follow my lead.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Oh I've been raven. Yeah you say, I've been raven.
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: It's like our weird sign off thing.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: I make everybody feel awkward at the end. Okay, bye bye.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.