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02 - William Tell Told Again by P G Wodehouse · William Tell Told Again

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  Speaker 1: Chapter three, in a picturesque little chalet high up in
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  Speaker 1: the mountains, covered with snow and Edelweiss, which is a
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  Speaker 1: flower that grows in the Alps, and you are not
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  Speaker 1: allowed to pick it. Dwelt William Tell, his wife Hedwig,
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  Speaker 1: and his two sons, Walter and William. Such a remarkable
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  Speaker 1: man was Tell that I think I must devote a
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  Speaker 1: whole chapter to him and his exploits. There was really
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  Speaker 1: nothing he could not do. He was the best shot
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  Speaker 1: with the crossbow in the whole of Switzerland. He had
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  Speaker 1: the courage of a lion, the sure footedness of a
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  Speaker 1: wild goat, the agility of a squirrel, and a beautiful beard.
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  Speaker 1: If you wanted someone to hurry across desolate ice fields
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  Speaker 1: and leap from crag to crag after a chamois, Tell
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  Speaker 1: was the man for your money. If you wanted a
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  Speaker 1: man to say rude things to the governor, it was
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  Speaker 1: to tell that you applied first. Once, when he was
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  Speaker 1: hunting in the wild ravine of she chan Thal, where
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  Speaker 1: people were hardly ever to be seen, he met the
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  Speaker 1: governor face to face. There was no way of getting past.
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  Speaker 1: On one side, the rocky wall rose sheer up, while
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  Speaker 1: below the river roared directly Gesser caught sight of Tail
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  Speaker 1: striding along with his crossbow. His cheeks grew pale and
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  Speaker 1: his knees tottered, and he sat down on a rock,
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  Speaker 1: feeling very unwell. Indeed, Ah said Tell, Oh, ho, so
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  Speaker 1: it's you, is it? I know you? And a nice
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  Speaker 1: sort of person you are, with your taxes on bread
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  Speaker 1: and sheep, aren't you. You'll come to a bad end
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  Speaker 1: one of these days. That's what will happen to you. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: you old reprobate pooh. And he had passed on with
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  Speaker 1: a look of scorn, leaving Gessler to think over what
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  Speaker 1: he had done. Said, and Gessler ever since had had
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  Speaker 1: a grudge against him and was only waiting for a
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  Speaker 1: chance of paying him out. Mark my words, said Tell's
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  Speaker 1: wife Hedwig, when her husband told her about it after
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  Speaker 1: supper that night. Mark my words. He will never forgive you.
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  Speaker 1: I will avoid him, said Tell. He will not seek me. Well,
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  Speaker 1: mind you do, was Hedwig's reply. On another occasion, when
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  Speaker 1: the governor's soldiers were chasing a friend of his called Baumgarten,
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  Speaker 1: and when Bogarten's only chance of escape was to cross
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  Speaker 1: the lake during a fierce storm, and when the ferryman,
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  Speaker 1: sensibly remarking, what must I rush into the jaws of death?
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  Speaker 1: No man that hath his senses would do that. Refused
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  Speaker 1: to take out his boat even for twice his proper fare,
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  Speaker 1: And when the soldiers rode down to seize their prey
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  Speaker 1: with dreadful shouts, Tell jumped into the boat, and, rowing
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  Speaker 1: with all his might, brought his friend safe across after
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  Speaker 1: a choppy passage, which made Gessler, the governor, still more
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  Speaker 1: angry with him. But it was as a marksman that
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  Speaker 1: Tell was so extraordinary. There was nobody in the whole
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  Speaker 1: of the land who was half so skillful. He attended
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  Speaker 1: every meeting for miles around where there was a shooting competition,
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  Speaker 1: and every time he won first prize, even his rivals
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  Speaker 1: could not help praising his skills. Behold, they would say,
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  Speaker 1: Tell is quite the pot hunter, meaning, by the last word,
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  Speaker 1: a man who always went in for every prize and
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  Speaker 1: always won it. And Tell would say, yes, truly, am
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  Speaker 1: I a pot hunter? For I hunt to fill the
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  Speaker 1: family pot. And so he did. He never came home
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  Speaker 1: empty headed from the chase. Sometime it was a shammi
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  Speaker 1: that he brought back, and then the family had it
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  Speaker 1: roasted on the first day, cold on the next four,
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  Speaker 1: and minced on the sixth, with sippets of toast around
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  Speaker 1: the edge of the dish. Sometimes it was only a bird,
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  Speaker 1: as on the cover of this book, and then Hedwig
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  Speaker 1: would say, mark my words, this fowl will not go round.
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  Speaker 1: But it always did, and it never happened that there
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  Speaker 1: was not even a fowl to eat. In fact, Tell
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  Speaker 1: and his family lived a very happy, contented life in
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  Speaker 1: spite of the Governor Gessler and his taxes. Tell was
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  Speaker 1: very patriotic. He always believed that someday the Swiss would
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  Speaker 1: rise and rebel against the tyranny of the governor, and
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  Speaker 1: he used to drill his two children so as to
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  Speaker 1: keep them always in a state of preparation. They would
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  Speaker 1: march about, beating tin cans and shouting, and all together
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  Speaker 1: enjoying themselves. Why though Hedwig, who did not like noise
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  Speaker 1: and wanted Walter and William to help her with the housework,
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  Speaker 1: made frequent complaints, Mark my words, she would say, this
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  Speaker 1: growing spirit of militarism in the young and foolish will
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  Speaker 1: lead to no good, meaning that boys who played at
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  Speaker 1: soldiers instead of helping their mother to dust the chairs
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  Speaker 1: and scrub the kitchen floor would in all probability come
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  Speaker 1: to a bad end. But Tell would say, who hopes
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  Speaker 1: to fight his way through life must be prepared to
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  Speaker 1: wield arms. Carry on, my boys, and they carried on.
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  Speaker 1: It was to this man that the Swiss people had
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  Speaker 1: determined to come for help. Chapter four. Talking matters over
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  Speaker 1: in the inn of the town, the glass and Glacier,
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  Speaker 1: the citizens came to the conclusion that they ought to
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  Speaker 1: appoint three spokesmen to go and explain, to tell just
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  Speaker 1: what they wanted him to do. I don't wish to
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  Speaker 1: seem to boast at all, said Arnold of Sewa, but
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  Speaker 1: I think I had better be one of the three.
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  Speaker 1: I was thinking, said Werner Saffatcher, that it would be
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  Speaker 1: a pity always to be chopping and changing. Why not
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  Speaker 1: choose the same three as were sent to Gessler. I
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  Speaker 1: don't desire to be unpleasant at all, replied Arnold of Sewa,
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  Speaker 1: but I must be forgiven for reminding the honorable gentleman
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  Speaker 1: who has just spoken that he and his equally honorable
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  Speaker 1: friends did not meet with the best of success when
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  Speaker 1: they called upon the governor. Well, and you didn't either,
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  Speaker 1: snapped Arnold of Meltshal, whose fingers still hurt him and
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  Speaker 1: made him a little bad tempered. That said Arnold of Sewa,
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  Speaker 1: I put down entirely to the fact that you and
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  Speaker 1: your friends, by not exercise intact, irritated the governor and
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  Speaker 1: made him unwilling to listen to anybody else. Nothing is
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  Speaker 1: more important in these affairs than tact. That's what you
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  Speaker 1: want tacked, but have it your own way, don't mind me.
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  Speaker 1: And the citizens did not. They chose Werner Stauffacher, Arnold
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  Speaker 1: of Melchthal and Walter first, and having drained their glasses,
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  Speaker 1: the three trudged up the steep hill which led to
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  Speaker 1: Tell's house. It had been agreed that everyone should wait
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  Speaker 1: at the glass and glacier until the three spokesmen returned,
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  Speaker 1: in order that they might hear the result of their mission.
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  Speaker 1: Everybody was very anxious. A revolution without Tell would be
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  Speaker 1: quite impossible, and it was not unlikely that Tell might
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  Speaker 1: refuse to be their leader. The worst of a revolution
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  Speaker 1: is that if it fails, the leader is always executed
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  Speaker 1: as an example to the rest, and many people object
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  Speaker 1: to being executed, however much it may set a good
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  Speaker 1: example to their friends. On the other hand Tell was
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  Speaker 1: a brave man and a patriot. It might be only
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  Speaker 1: too eager to try to throw off the tyrant's yoke,
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  Speaker 1: whatever the risk. They had waited about an hour when
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  Speaker 1: they saw the three spokesmen coming down the hill. Tell
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  Speaker 1: was not with them, a fact which made the citizens
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  Speaker 1: suspect that he had refused their offer. The first thing
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  Speaker 1: a man does when he has accepted the leadership of
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  Speaker 1: a revolution is to come in plot with his companions, well,
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  Speaker 1: said everybody eagerly. As the three arrived. Vernice Stouthacher shook
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  Speaker 1: his head. Ah, said ARNOLDU sewis I see what it is?
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  Speaker 1: He has refused. You didn't exercise tact, and he refused.
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  Speaker 1: We did exercise tact, said Stothacher indignantly. But he would
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  Speaker 1: not be persuaded. It was like this. We went to
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  Speaker 1: the house and knocked at the door. Tell opened it.
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  Speaker 1: Good morning, I said, Good morning, said he take a seat.
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  Speaker 1: I took a seat. My heart is full, I said,
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  Speaker 1: and longs to speak with you. I thought that a
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  Speaker 1: neat way of putting it. The company murmured approval. A
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  Speaker 1: heavy heart, said Tell will not grow light with words.
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  Speaker 1: Not bad that, murmured Jostviler, clever way of putting things.
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  Speaker 1: Tell has got yet words I said might lead us
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  Speaker 1: on to deeds. Neat, said yost Viler, very neat. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: to which Tell's extraordinary reply was the only thing to
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  Speaker 1: do is to sit still. What I said, bear in
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  Speaker 1: silence things unbearable, yes, said Tell. To peaceable men, peace
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  Speaker 1: is gladly granted. When the governor finds that his oppression
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  Speaker 1: does not make us revolt, he will grow tired of oppressing.
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  Speaker 1: And what did you say to that, asked Ulric the smith.
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  Speaker 1: I said he did not know the governor. If he
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  Speaker 1: thought he would ever grow tired of oppressing, we might
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  Speaker 1: do much, I said, if we held fast together. Union
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  Speaker 1: is strength, I said. The strong said Tell is strongest
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  Speaker 1: when he stands alone. Then our country must not count
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  Speaker 1: on thee I said, when in despair, she stands on
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  Speaker 1: self defense. Oh well, he said hardly that perhaps I
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  Speaker 1: don't want to desert you. What I mean to say
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  Speaker 1: is I'm no use as a plotter or a counselor,
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  Speaker 1: or that sort of thing where I come out strong
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  Speaker 1: as in deeds. So don't invite me to your meetings
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  Speaker 1: and make me speak and that sort of thing. But
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  Speaker 1: if you want a man to do anything. Why, that's
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  Speaker 1: where I shall come in. You see, just write it
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  Speaker 1: if you want me, A postcard will do, and you
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  Speaker 1: will not find William Tell hanging back. No, sir, And
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  Speaker 1: with those words he showed us out well, said Yostweiler,
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  Speaker 1: I call that encouraging. All we have to do now
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  Speaker 1: is to plot. Let us plot, Yes, let's shouted everybody.
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  Speaker 1: Ulric the smith rapped for silence on the table. Gentlemen,
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  Speaker 1: he said, our friend mister Klaus von der Fleux will
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  Speaker 1: now read a paper on governor's their drawbacks and how
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  Speaker 1: to get rid of them. Silence, gentlemen please now, then
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  Speaker 1: Klaus old fellow, speak up and get it over. And
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  Speaker 1: the citizens settled down without further delay to a little
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  Speaker 1: serious plotting. End of Chapter four