Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Whackhead Prank: Hotel horror story

Transcript

Whackhead Prank: Hotel horror story · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Stop what you're doing. Here is another world famous crank car.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: From Darren Wackhead, something ex exclusive to KFM Mornings.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you check into a five star hotel, you
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: expect five star experience, right of course, of course, of course,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: So this mom and dad at a five star hotel,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: weak excursion. Right, I'm not going to say which hotel,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: but the adult children informed me of all the details.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: They came back and they weren't too happy. They weren't. Yeah,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: you know, the service wasn't five stars. So they had
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: a whole sort of laundry list of issues. So I thought,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: you know, what, how do you make a disgruntled customer?
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: How do you sort the situ suation? Now, but you're
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: going to say more discrip, Well, yes, I'll make them
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: even more distrust I'll show you the five star service
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: that we're accustomed to. Okay. So they both the husband
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: and wife, we're on. I'm on like a speaker with them.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: So they both end up having having a chat with me. So,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: so they've been home for seven days already, I'm going,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: you know, just wait for a week and and check
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: in with them. So here we go, let's escalate the situation. Hello,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: good day, thir I'm looking for Meta Thwart. Please. I'm
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: calling you from the book hotel you in. Yeah, I
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: wanted to find out what time will you be checking out?
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: When will I be checking out? Yes, you must be joking,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: my friend. I've checked out more.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Than a week ago. No, and I've paid my boat.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know how you system and say that I
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: haven't checked out.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: So the last correspondent that we had from you was
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: seven days ago that you went to the death to
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: inquire about checking out. However, said there's been a do
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: not disturb sign on your door ever since, so we
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: haven't gone in.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Now, I don't know you. You've got a system with computers. Uh, yes,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: and surely when somebody pays their ball and they and
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: somebody fetched their car and somebody loads their luggage, that
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: means they must be gone.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, So but the problem is we haven't rented the
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: room because the do not disturb sign. You waste my time.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Get the general managers for the ultiphone me because I've
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: got some photos and stuff that I also want to
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: send in about what the room look like, and then
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: we can solve the problems for once and all.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: All Right, so the customer is king if you put
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: a do not disturb sign on, we won't bug you. Yes, gooday,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: missus Swatt listen my friend it's David three yeah GM
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: from you know what, I.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Is absolutely bloody useless. I left that hotel today. I
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: get a phone call to say when am I checking out?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, how ridiculous is that there was a do
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: not disturb sign on your door? The sign on?
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Maybe you should start there. If you can't clean your rooms,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: you don't lock your you leave the rubbish in your
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: environment for a week. If you want to let me
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: make some good I can actually come and show you
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: how to do your job, because you are not in
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: charge of what's going on at that hotel.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, the problem is is that we can't clean
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: a room if there's a do not disturb sign on
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: it and you put it on. I didn't put it on.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Why would I put an non disturb sign on?
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Why if you for a week? What did my reservation say?
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: When it's a five star service, so we really obey
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: that do not disturb sign?
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Listen, if I make a reservation to check in on
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: one day and check in on another day and for
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: ten days. You guys, so you were happy for me
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: to stay in your hotel without a reservation.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Well you see a world class organization.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Well the thing is, and I will make a big issue.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Of the thing. Okay, hold on, eyes are useless.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I've checked out. I did not put the non disturb
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: sign on. Maybe your people put it on because they're
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: too lazy to clean, like we've had to phone every
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: single day to get our room clean. Well, maybe the
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: problem is on your side.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: There's a ten day shortfall that we haven't been able
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: to rent the room out, which you are in fact
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: liable for. It's not so, yeah, you can get your lawyers.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: My friend, because you make the assumption I put a
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: nonder steps sign on. I did not, So we handed
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: the key card in when we checked out. So where's
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: the problem. I'm actually Indian indignant. A hotel of your
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: steps leaves a room for ten days for text you
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: could have had a dead body and there.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Well we thought that you might just be having a
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: very long sleep for ten days.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: I was checked out of that until by eleven o'clock day,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: by ten o'clock the day actually nine o'clock I left
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: it off, was nine that morning.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: You could have been having a very dirty weekend with
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: your wife, A dirty week you know, Well, don't come with.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: A dirty weekend. Talk to me and let me tell
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: you the suggestion that my husband and I are having
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: a dreaming weekend.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I mean really, well, we never know and we wouldn't
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: want to walk in on that.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: So I might have had a very dirty weekend. Is
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: that what you said? Did you just reported?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Is that what you suggested?
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: I had a very dirty weekend, And that's a possibility,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: and that's why I was there. You are span pathetic,
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: out of control and implast that I had a dirty weekend,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: speak Steen days and didn't come out of my room.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, what happens to the turndown service.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Well, imagine that turndown service clock walking in and there
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: is you and your husband doing the double backed monkey sword.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: You know what, My husband and I don't do the
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: double back monkey sauce, and I don't appreciate your insinuations.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Well know what you do? Okay, I would just I've
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: actually got Shannon on the line with me now, Mom, I.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Just got it.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Frank you, Well, I'm going to kill you.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: I'm going to kill you both.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Nicholas, Yes, yeah, so annoying. I don't know why they're
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: so embarrassed by having a dirty weekend. Mom is very push.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you insinuated, call be professional indignant?
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: What is that move? They did the double back monkey sword.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: But that call actually because I knew that their kids,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: well they're adults, were listening. So it made me think
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: if hotel staff actually wanted say the things they really
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: wanted to say to us, can you imagine that would
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: probably be what it sounds like. Hey, can you imagine
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: because they see things the fall that they see the
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: stuff they see it. But you know what, thank you
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: for your professionals.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: It reminds me of your story there, which one bred
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: I have many, the one where you were drinking chocolate
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: milk and you salted on the debate.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, that was Look, that was accident. That was
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: week one in Cape Town. That was weak. But that
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: was that the color the color? Yeah, so so I
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I my drink is chocolate milkshakes. If you know me,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: every day I have I have a starry stumpy and
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: you know, I am so in the fridge there. I
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: bought a whole lot and I put it in the
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: hotel fridge and then and you know, you got to
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: shake it because you've got the chocolate at the bottoms.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Shook it and then I opened it, and you know
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: it always sprays, and it sprayed this brown chocolate milk
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: on the bed sheets. And those linens are white. Yeah,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: and then I thought she's gonna come in now pooped
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: the bed. So I didn't know what to do. I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: was in panic. And then so you can't wash those sheets? No,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I can't, and and so so I took the stiry stumpy,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: the opened one, and I put it on the section.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I took all the stery stumpies out the fridge and
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I put it on the bed. So I'm hoping that
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: her mass added up in two and two. She went, Okay,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: this guy didn't do that in the bed. It's a
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: stery stump. Sorry.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: Taking out the rest of the stairy stampy is a
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: bit extreme.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: From all the stories, Dumpy. But on a final note,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: can I just say something about hotels, come on man
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: eleven to check out. It's too early, I'm still dorsing
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: by then. It's holidays. But it makes sense though, no
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: it doesn't, because other people need to check in at
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: what's the time, three o'clock and someone he needs to clean.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I'm life, I'm not worried about the next customer. And
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: extend your breakfast. Men, you guys, get out of bed
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: and never make a hotel break never, always too early.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: You put those track pants on, you put those slides
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: slides on, and you go to breakfast with hogs breath,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: breakfast till twelve, check out at four. Stop it, stop it.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe it makes no sense to me. It does to
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: be like never check out, live here forever. Hotels. We
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: need to course correct, all right, you got it all wrong.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: It's