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What Foster Care Actually Looks Like with Kate Danielson · The Mami Collective

• Paulina: Welcome to the Mommy Collective. I'm Paulina Rowe, radio host, TV contributor, writer, and mom of one. This is where ambitious moms come to keep their identity intact while navigating motherhood. Here we talk about the real stuff, career, money, relationships, identity, and... everything that gets messy in between. You won't find sugar coating or cliches. What you will find are unfiltered conversations, real resources, and proof that you don't have to lose yourself to be a good mom. The Mommy Collective is here to remind you, you can be ambitious, you can take up space, and you can thrive in motherhood and in everything else that makes you, you. Before we get into the episode, make sure you're following The Mommy Collective on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, and share this podcast with a mommy in your life who needs a Also, forget to sign up for our newsletter and leave us a review so we can keep showing up and reach every ambitious mom out there doing big things. Let's get into it. All right, Mommy Collective, another episode and we're back. And today I have a very special guest. Kate Danielson is joining me. How are you, Kate? I'm so good. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. So you and I actually met. because you are, I mean, it'll pass when this airs, but you had a gala here in Chicago and we shared the info on that and the kind of everything just really behind what you do, which by the way, for those who are new or just learning about it as well, cause that's the first time I heard of it, but Foster Progress, we were celebrating, was it 10 years? Yeah, it's our 10th anniversary. 10th anniversary. So you came on our iHeartRadio show. We were able to talk about the organization, about you. all that you put into it and then of course the gala. But today I get to kind of get to know Kate more. So I'm really excited. First and foremost, I mean, I think the work that you do is incredible, but I think on a deeper like human level, I think you truly are one of God's angels. I don't know if you're religious or I am, I'm spiritual all of it, but I just truly think that you're one of God's angels just from the conversation we had prior and getting to know you a little bit through that. So Kate, if you don't mind, can you give us a little bit of a background about yourself? So I am the founder of Foster Progress and the mission of the organization is to help kids who have experienced foster care to become successful adults, especially by supporting their journey to and through college. So I'm like a big geek about higher education. I just think it's still in our society, the best way for anyone to achieve upward mobility, to have job security, to have you know, job satisfaction and options in life. And aside from that, and what I think we're going to talk mostly about today is the fact that I'm a mom. So I'm mom to two biological kids and then two kids through the foster care system. One is we're her legal guardians and she came to us when she was 10 years old and that's kind of a unique story. because we actually already knew her and her family. And then our other one is adopted through the foster care system. And we've had him since he was two and they are all teenagers now. So they're 14, 17, 17. And my oldest is about to be 19 next week. So all four are in their teenage years and it is a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah, no, I actually like I love teenagers and that's why I got into the work that I did. And I just adore them obviously, and love to see them blossoming and growing into the people that they're becoming. But it is hard. It is no joke. On your first night. ⁓ yeah, I have one and she's two. So I know once we hit those ages, it's ⁓ yeah, that's our off gloves are off. It's gonna be I know because I remember, you know, I think about that. Totally. So Kate, I'm curious when you started just, I mean, this was 10 years ago. So I'm going to assume you had three kids at that point. Yeah. Okay. So you had three kiddos. So what made you say, I'm already a mom of three, but I'm going to get up and create this organization and do all of these amazing things with it. As far as like, was it something you felt like there was a need or did you just feel like that creative bug inside of you of like, I got to do something with this? Like, how did that come to be? I think it was the magical combination of both of those things, you know, the need and then the desire to solve a problem and create something new. I started my career as a high school English teacher here in Chicago and I taught at a school which no longer exists. It was called Harper. And it was on 63rd and Ashland in the West Englewood neighborhood and just a really underserved community that needed a lot. And I remember going in with such a savior complex and thinking that I was going to like, you know, change these kids' lives and everything and just really being humbled right away that kids are kids everywhere and they already have a lot going for them. And kids all want the same things wherever you go. know, everybody wants dignity, respect, belonging, and a successful future. But anyway, that was kind of my introduction to just the disparities in our educational system in Chicago, but a sort of microcosm of the United States and the world. There's just so much inequity in our public school system. And on all of the merch for foster progress, you'll see the phrase education is the great equalizer. So that's a quote from Horace Mann, who was like the founder of the public education system in our country. And it's just, it's a belief that I have that education is supposed to give everyone equal opportunities to like climb that ladder. But it doesn't if our education system isn't providing equal access to everyone. And so that's really what I'm passionate about and what I set out to do. And back to your question, like the reason that I started foster progress was because my husband and I became foster parents. We had two biological kids. We became foster parents to Michael. And I reconnected with a friend of mine who had grown up in the system and was adopted through the system. And she told me that only 3 % at the time has changed now, but only 3 % of kids who experience foster care end up getting a bachelor's degree. I was just really struck by that. I also, my career, like I had been a teacher, a high school teacher for four or five years. And then I was working in like college access programs. So some similar to what foster progress does, but for like a more general populations. So I was working in college access. was like, you know, I know the interventions that we do to help kids go from secondary to post-secondary school for the general population. Like, let me see what's available for foster youth. So I started doing the research and I found, you know, there is a lot of financial aid. There's a lot of money available for kids who want to go to college, but what they really need is that individual support. and that sense of community. And so that's what I set out to develop through the organization. So yeah, that's like the medium length version of the story of why I decided to found Foster Progress. What's something that you think that people might understand about foster care, right? But they're actually kind of wrong about it. I'm always so curious about, you know, sort of the misconceptions behind it. Yeah, I think the stories about kids in foster care, especially teenagers, really get sensationalized. And so you'll see movies and news stories and things about the worst case scenarios. And unfortunately, what I think people don't understand is that there's so much potential and that these kids like, yes, they have been through a lot, but they also have so much to offer and so much they could become if they just had the right supports. Yeah, no, I completely agree about them. That's why I'm happy that we're here to also discuss again, not just because you are in that space, right? When it comes to actually doing the work, but being a mom of a foster child, again, I think is not only just incredible, but I feel like you speak from both sides, you know, if that makes sense, kind of both realities of it. So yeah, a hundred percent. What about, as far as foster progress, when you started it, what gap were you kind of seeing that maybe like nobody was really addressing at that time? Like 10 years ago? it was really that piece of like the personal support. You know, I think I loved when Michelle Obama said several, it was like a couple of years into the existence of foster progress. said something that college is not meant to be accomplished alone. You know, it's like a team sport. You need a whole. Support system around you to get yourself to and through college. So I mean my oldest is in college now I've got two kids at home who are juniors in high school. So we're navigating We did navigate that with my oldest we are starting to navigate that with my second two and you know, it's a lot for a parent to take on and you are Playing a super active role in this process, you know funny story like my oldest was really brushing me off. Like I was getting on his case about, you know, application deadlines and the FAFSA and then later like enrollment processes and things like this. And he said, at one point he got annoyed with me and said, mom, you don't need to concern yourself with this process. was like, excuse me, do you want my help paying for it? Because I am going to concern myself. So, you know. Typical parents are very invested in that process for their children. And in the foster care world, there's a lot of variety in terms of the caseworkers and the foster parents, how involved they are, how much they decide to take on of something like the college process. And so, and there's also a lot of like transients. So there's a lot of turnover among in that role of the caseworker, because that's a hard job. ⁓ my gosh, I see those people doing that job. It is a tough job. And so is foster parenting, you know? And so these kids are a lot of times moving from home to home during their high school years. They have caseworker after caseworker during their high school years. And they just need somebody to be consistent. They need somebody whose whole job it is to think about, let's get you to graduation. And then let's get you enrolled. Let's get you moved in onto campus, you know? And so that's what our program does. our, have a couple different programs. The high school one is like preparing them for college. And so that's a mentoring program. And they're patched up with a one-on-one college educated adult mentor. And that person is, you know, it's just, they just have the one kit. That's not like a caseworker where you have 50 kids on your caseload. So they just have the one student that they're working with and they are working with them to, like I said, get them through to graduation from high school and get them enrolled in college, line up financial aid, moved in on that first day of move-in day. So yeah, that's the hole that we were trying to fill was that personal touch, know, the person to walk alongside of you and make sure you're meeting the deadlines and you're getting all the right things lined up. Absolutely. like, I feel like a lot of people, and correct me if I'm wrong, but when it comes to foster youth and students, like they might think, ⁓ if they get into college, then they're good. Like, you know, all good. But I feel like there's got to be hidden challenges. So I'm wondering what those might be right after that acceptance letter, right? Or after that part, what are some of the challenges that you've noticed that those students might face? Yeah. So I would say a big one is bureaucracy, like the foster care system in itself is a bureaucracy. The financial aid system is a bureaucracy and then the colleges themselves too. So it's a lot of like learning the lingo of financial aid. What's the difference between a scholarship and a grant and a loan and all of those things. Like for those of us that work in the field, they feel like second nature. They feel very obvious, but when you're going through it the first time, As an 18 year old kid, it's all new to you, you know, and it's very expensive. You know, it's very expensive in terms of financially, but then also your time and your energy and your effort too. So that's one of the big barriers. And then, I mean, just things like, it's, you know, some of our students do have good support. They have an involved foster parent or adoptive parent. But even so, that mentor in this community and the support system can be really helpful because it's a lot for even families to navigate. And we do have some students who are, for example, using SNAP benefits. And so like this year, when there was sort of a fiasco around food stamps, SNAP benefits, getting cut off for families, we had to step in and provide some financial assistance just so that our students can get some groceries to keep in their apartments and things like that. So things that normal, a typical family wouldn't even consider is their barriers to our kids from foster care being able to navigate that whole path. For sure. Are those students or kids, are they ever encouraged to go other routes if they, and I'm making this up, but if they've got like some kind of talent that might be known as hair, nails, right? Or. they have an interest in cars or something like that. Like I went to, I'm a CBS kid, so I went to Curie High School, which is an art studio. That's my school. And we, thought we're so, we were so blessed to have programs. I think unfortunately it's a little bit different now. This was like, what, 15 years ago? But like we had programs when it was like, you know, an automobile program, right? We had like, dance and we had literally everything that you can think of. think there was a journalism one and I was in that for a minute. They had like a daycare center for early childhood education. mean, it was so cool to see that, right? And especially looking back now, I think we were very lucky to have that. Do you find your students sort of showing signs of interest in other things as well? And how do you guys work with those students? Yeah, we do have a handful of students who have come to us wanting to pursue a certificate or a technical degree. And we'll support them in that journey too. Those are really great pathways for post-secondary education and for students who, yeah, it's the same process. So we'll match them up with a mentor. We'll help them navigate the application process. So definitely, I think those are great career paths as well. That's awesome. mean, yeah, but like you said, like, I mean, it's all money too. I'm going to go to any kind of program school. Like no matter where you go, like you have to... have that understanding around it. So I think it's awesome that there are mentors available, you know what I mean? And there's people able to guide that route. Because when I was 18, I don't even think I knew how to like swipe my debit card. didn't know. It's crazy. It's so crazy. I think about that a lot. So yeah, it's just in Illinois, luckily, we You have extended foster care that goes through age 21 so they can stay in the system until they're 21. They're not like completely on their own at age 18. But you know, you like even a 21 year old these days like is still figuring out how to adult and still needs that support system. You know, I still call my mom to this day for help. You know, she's a nurse, so especially like medical questions. Everybody needs that person that they can call, you know, and so that's part of what the mentorship program helps to provide. 100%. And as somebody who's in the foster youth space and also a foster mom, I'm curious if there was one policy that you could change tomorrow, right? That would actually move the needle for these kids or actually maybe even help them more, in your opinion. What would that be? Yeah, that's such a tough question. It's a good one. So a few years ago, Illinois did pass a law that we helped advocate for, which says that every kid who's experienced foster care can get tuition waived at public colleges in Illinois. So that was one that, you know, if you had asked me that question a few years ago, it would have been my number one priority. And it is in place now. Another great one. is now we have liaisons on every college campus that whose responsibility it is to be able to support foster youth and youth experiencing homelessness. So that would be another one I would have mentioned a few years ago. Now I would say I wish that we could streamline the financial aid process to make it simpler because there's like all these different programs that like have different eligibility, like depending on whether you are in school full-time or part-time, whether you exited foster care at age 13 or age 16, like it's different. So that can be really confusing. And then there's a lot of like misinformation about the financial aid that's available for foster youth. A lot of people will say, ⁓ it's free for kids in foster care to go to college. It's like, yeah, sort of, but you have to piece together the Pell Grant, the MAP Grant, the tuition waiver, and it has to be at a public college, not private, and it has to be in Illinois, not anywhere in the state. it's just, it's so complex and it's difficult for us to navigate and we're like the experts, let alone for us to be able to advise our students and walk them through that. It's very complicated. ⁓ I'm sure they're lucky to have you guys, but I'm sure that I'm going to say it. I'm sure it can be simpler, but unfortunately it's just not at the moment. But keep advocating and keep fighting like you've done it once. And I think that's incredible. So I get that. I kind of want to pivot to a little bit more on your personal side when it comes to family, right. And Obviously, like I said, you're living it, you work in this space, but not only that, like you, like I said, are a mom and you're a foster mom. So how did becoming a foster mom change the way that you see everything that you do professionally? Yeah, I mean, because my kids are the same age and going through some of the same things that my students in our programs are, I have taken a little bit of a step back from the programming side of what Foster Progress does. I have a... staff of four people who oversee the two different programs. So two program managers and two program coordinators that are running things. you know, they still, I still attend events and communicate with my program staff like many times per week, but I'm not as wrapped up in the day-to-day needs of the individual students anymore. And, know, there may come a day that I get more involved in that again, but it's like a boundary that I had to have because I feel like I'm running my own program here at home. So yeah, that's one way that it has, that things have changed with parenting, you know, in growing the organization, I've had to just surround myself with people who are smarter than me. You know, I was the one to start this and at the beginning of Those first months and years of foster progress, I was literally doing everything like run actually mentoring the students, you know, one on one and you know, doing the accounting and creating the website, like everything. And the hardest part was probably like the compliance issues, like making sure that everybody gets through the background check process, making sure that we're registered with the state and the IRS appropriately, like all of that stuff. So. You know, I was an English major and an education major. Like, don't know what I'm doing with the counting. So the first person I hired was someone to help run the programs. Shortly thereafter, I got help with operations and operations, meaning like she does all the bookkeeping, all the finances, the budgeting, you know, and we work really closely on that stuff. But yeah, you have to surround yourself with people who. are smarter than you and that's how you grow like a really stellar organization and you also give yourself a bit of a break so that you can have some boundaries between work and life. I completely agree with that and I'm curious too when it comes to like your own kids, right? And for those listening who may not know how to talk to their kids, right? About foster youth, how do do you bring that up to your kids? And I know I guess it could depend maybe on their age. talking to a six-year-old versus an 18-year-old is probably very different. But how do you bring up the topic in your own home? When you were bringing in your two kids, I know you said one came in at an older age and one came in at two. So again, very different. But how do you have that conversation? And how can other moms do the same, whether they're fostering or taking in? I know this happens a lot too, taking in like a niece, a nephew, a cousin, you know what I mean? I know a lot of that happens within families, but I'm just very curious, how can we navigate that conversation with our kids? ⁓ Well, I just had the opportunity, which was so fun, to talk to my youngest audience ever when I got invited to speak to an elementary school. And it was a private school, very small, so it was kids from, I think, the youngest kids that were there were. first or second grade and then up to eighth grade. And so the way that I described it to them, because you you also want to be careful that they don't end up thinking, ⁓ that might happen to me. I might be taken away from my parents, you know? So I was worried that they, would describe foster care and they'd be like, am I going to have to go? So the way that I talked about it to them was, you know, all families go through stressful times and that's okay, but if there is a situation where a child is in danger, you know, and their parents really put them in a situation that's dangerous, that they might have to go live with another family and it could be temporary or it could end up being permanent. And so that's how we talked about it with our biological kids. They were four and six at the time that we became foster parents. And it was just interesting to see, you know, the dynamic play out because your baby has a certain place in your family and then he was four years old, he got usurped by a new baby in the family who was two and he was very jealous. That dynamic can happen with a biological child too. Yeah, 100%. But this is a separate issue, not what you asked, but just reminding me of how I will often have people really talk about how they would have liked to become a foster parent or they're considering becoming a foster parent and they think about what it might do to their biological kids. And I do understand that I think it's a valid consideration. And I will say like, there have been times that it has been stressful or awkward for our biological kids. But now that my bio boys are older, I just think like it has been overall such a positive influence on them. Like they have become more compassionate, loving people because of having been through the experience of being foster siblings. And I think that's ultimately what it would do for most people. So back to your question, how I talked about it with the kids in our family who were in foster care. When our daughter moved in with us, was the same, she is the same age as our son. And so they, she joined him at school and my son had been going to that school since he was in kindergarten. And so all of a sudden for a new sister to show up was a little bit, you know, of news, you know, like, what do you mean you have a sister now? And so I asked her, she was 10. And so what would they have been like in fourth or fifth grade, something like that. And so I asked her, how do you want to talk about this? How do you want Anders to introduce you at school? And she didn't want to go into like the like legal guardianship and what does that mean? So she said, let's tell people that I'm adopted. That was one of the options that I offered to her. So she just, you know, she went to school and my son said, this is my sister, she's adopted. And that's just how we talked about it at the time. And when we're like our mentors within the foster progress program to like being in foster care is a protected private information. And so we'll have our mentors ask the student, you know, how would you like to us to talk about our relationship outs? Like if I were to introduce you, how would you like me to introduce you? And so that's how I recommend talking about it with. young people, like how would you like to describe our family, our relationship? And then like, it, it's not, it's, it's kind of nobody's business, you know? And so because of the work that I do talk about our family and say, you know, I'm a foster parent, adoptive parent, but I won't say like who's who, you know, which one, which ones are adopted and they all look like, I mean, my bio kids look a lot like me, but they all look like they could be. you know, we all kind of have the same coloring and that kind of thing. They do have different racial makeup. They're both biracial, but they both look white. And so you wouldn't necessarily know unless you asked or someone told you. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that first and foremost. I think that's such, again, an incredible story. And I think a lot of times people just don't know how to have certain conversations, right? Is it their fault? Not necessarily, right? They're just like, well, what do I say? you know, this and that, and I think, well, I know, I love the way that you navigated that conversation within your own family, right, and then took that right to school and so forth and so on. So again, you know, for those listening who may not understand or just may not even know how to have that conversation with their kids, especially older kids, I think that's a great way. So thank you, like, so much, Kate, for sharing that. I appreciate that very much. And as someone that's listening right now and maybe they feel... call to foster, but they might be a little hesitant or maybe they're just afraid. mean, we discussed, you know, misconceptions too when we were talking in the beginning of this podcast episode, but what would you tell them that's a very honest, non-sugar-coated, encouraging response? Like, what would you say? Because know you've got something to say. Yeah. I would say that it is definitely time consuming. And so you do have to make sure that you have the space in your life, both physically in terms of your home, but also in terms of your schedule and that you have the support system in place to like any parent, you need somebody that you can call in an emergency to say, I can't get to school in time to pick up my kid. Can you pick them up for me? Which it's hard for my husband and I, because our families both live in different States, but we just have a great community of people that are around us. Our neighbors and friends are have been so wonderful. were part of a church community when we first started this process. So lots of support and I would definitely recommend that for anyone that is considering becoming a foster parent. Just make sure that you have people in your life that can pick up the slack for you when it becomes overwhelming. I would say to that the initial concept and idea of opening your home to a child is it feels like wow, we're really doing something meaningful. But now that we're like six and seven years into this journey with our kids and for our younger son, even more years into it, it's like, it's just the day to day now. It's the everyday stuff. you know, it's very similar to parenting biological kids. You just have to have the time and the space and the energy to do those things every single day, to show up every single day for a young person in foster care. And I would say to be aware that you're not just bringing in a child to your home, but a whole slew of people that kind of comes along with them. especially first, you've got their caseworker, the licensing worker, their biological parent who may still have visitation with them, their therapist. Like there's a whole slew of adults that comes in. with them and even now with the two that we have adopted and we're legal guardians for the other. We're still in touch with their biological family and so it takes a lot of emotional maturity and patience and you know just getting through some like really awkward dynamics to have. ⁓ working relationship with biological family of this child that you have become the family for too. So yeah, sometimes it requires more emotional maturity than I can muster. And at that, those points in time, I tap my husband and say, you're up your turn. ⁓ yeah. You got to lean on each other. I'm sure. Absolutely. Well, Kate, this was fun and I'm so glad that you came on and that we were able to know more about your story and obviously about your family. So thank you for sharing that. Truly, I do appreciate it. Where can we follow you on social media if we also want to get more information about Foster Progress or even get involved? How can we do that? Yeah, Foster Progress is on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. And I keep my private life private on social media. But yeah, you can always follow up foster progress and there are lots of ways to get involved. We always need mentors. So becoming a mentor is you can find out more, you know, before you decide to jump in, but becoming a mentor is a really great way to make a significant impact in the life of a young person from foster care. And then our website is foster dash progress.org. So you can always find ways to donate and participate and volunteer and mentor on our website. Awesome. Kate, thank you so much for being here with us today. We appreciate you. Yeah, thanks for having me. It was really fun.