Latest / The Becket Cook Show / Cancer brought him back to God: Bryan's Testimony

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Cancer brought him back to God: Bryan's Testimony · The Becket Cook Show

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Life Audio.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: You are listening to The Beckett Cook Show with your host,
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Beckett Cook. For more information about Beckett and his ministry,
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: visit his website at beckettcook.com. To help support the podcast,
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: visit patreon.com slash thebeckettcookshow. Please consider subscribing to the podcast
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: and leaving a five-star rating.
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: Hey guys, welcome to the show today. I have a
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: special guest, Brian, and he has an amazing story of
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: what God did in his life. He was raised in
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: a Christian home, but then ended up becoming a prodigal
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: and he actually married a man in the UK. But
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  Speaker 3: when he was 30, he was diagnosed with cancer and
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: he had this incredible moment in the hospital when he
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  Speaker 3: asked for a Bible. And we're going to hear about
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  Speaker 3: all that and all the details. So please watch to
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  Speaker 3: the end. But first, a word from our sponsor. Please
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: welcome Brian.
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  Speaker 1: Hi, Becca. I'm so excited to be here and be
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  Speaker 1: a part of your show. I've been wanting to do
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: this ever since I got saved. So you reaching out
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  Speaker 1: is kind of like a dream come true. And just
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  Speaker 1: thank you.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, I mean, I discovered you recently. I, again,
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  Speaker 3: like people send me, you know, video reels from Instagram
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  Speaker 3: or whatever. And, and someone said, I think someone sent
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: me your reel, a reel that you, and you were
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: talking about your story. And I was like, wait a minute,
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  Speaker 3: what is this? Who is this guy? And I reached
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  Speaker 3: out to you and now you're here. So praise God. Um,
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: so let's start off with, you were, you grew up
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  Speaker 3: in a, uh, a Christian family, right? You went to
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: church as a kid. You grew up, the whole thing, right?
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  Speaker 3: With both parents.
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  Speaker 1: Right. We always, I grew up believing the gospel and
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  Speaker 1: I grew up kind of going to church. It wasn't,
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  Speaker 1: to be honest, that much of a priority. So I
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  Speaker 1: stopped going probably around the age of eight or nine.
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  Speaker 1: But the truth of the gospel kind of always resonated
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  Speaker 1: within me and I was never able to like kind
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  Speaker 1: of stray away like fully from it Um, but not like,
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  Speaker 1: not like constant church, um, attendance throughout the years.
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  Speaker 3: But you say, I think you said in one of
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  Speaker 3: your videos that you kind of always believed in God, right?
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  Speaker 1: Yes. I feel like from a very young age, you
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  Speaker 1: reached out to me probably around that adolescence age, like
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  Speaker 1: 12 or 13. Um, like what you, what you describe
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  Speaker 1: in your videos as the the whoosh of the Holy
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  Speaker 1: Spirit coming upon you. I absolutely felt that at a
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  Speaker 1: very young age, kind of being overwhelmed by the presence
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  Speaker 1: of a holy God. I know you can relate.
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  Speaker 3: And so what happened? Tell us more about that experience.
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  Speaker 3: What happened after that experience? Were you all in for
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  Speaker 3: Jesus or did you kind of drift away? What happened?
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  Speaker 1: Well, I think that's where part of the non-being, not
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  Speaker 1: really going to church kind of came into play. I
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  Speaker 1: didn't really know where that should have led. It was
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  Speaker 1: more of a kind of emotional reaction and just kind
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: of affirming within me that God is real, Jesus is real,
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  Speaker 1: sin is real, forgiveness is real, that he died on
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  Speaker 1: the cross, that we can do nothing to atone for ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: So it was more of a kind of emotional reaction
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  Speaker 1: and attachment to this, to the gospel. But because I
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  Speaker 1: didn't go to church, I didn't know how it should
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  Speaker 1: be played out. And I was so young, again, like
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  Speaker 1: 12 or 13. So I didn't know, you know, about
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  Speaker 1: like biblical discipleship or, you know, I never really went
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  Speaker 1: to like Sunday school. So it was kind of just me, God,
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  Speaker 1: and the gay feelings that started coming. Okay.
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  Speaker 3: So now tell me about like, when did you start
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  Speaker 3: feeling same sex attraction? Like when, when did that start
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  Speaker 3: right after this experience you had with the Lord?
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  Speaker 1: That actually started much before I remember probably as, as
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  Speaker 1: early as six years old. Um, you know, I will say, however,
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  Speaker 1: that was preceded by opposite sex attraction. It all kind
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  Speaker 1: of just started together at the same time. And I,
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  Speaker 1: I didn't remember. That's what happened with me.
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  Speaker 3: The same thing happened with me. I initially had opposite
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  Speaker 3: sex attraction when I was a young, young boy. And
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  Speaker 3: then it somehow, well, it's a long story, but, and I, it's,
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  Speaker 3: I talk about it in my new book, but it's a,
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  Speaker 3: The way it evolved, it turned into same-sex attraction. But
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  Speaker 3: go ahead.
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  Speaker 1: Sorry. Yeah, I think that opposite-sex attraction continued on until
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  Speaker 1: probably middle school. But by then, there was already same-sex attraction. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And where do you think that came from?
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  Speaker 1: I don't know. That is a tough one.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, if you don't know, it's fine. I mean,
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  Speaker 3: I don't really know either. It's a combination of a
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  Speaker 3: lot of different factors.
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  Speaker 1: I think so. I think no one thing triggered it
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  Speaker 1: or any kind of event. I think it was just
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  Speaker 1: kind of seeing... boys is attractive. That just started early on,
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  Speaker 1: you know, before I searched up anything online even. Sorry
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  Speaker 1: if that's not the greatest answer. No, that's fine.
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  Speaker 3: That's fine. So, and then how did you reconcile the
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  Speaker 3: same-sex attraction with being a Christian? How did that work out?
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  Speaker 1: That was... That was the biggest mountain that I was
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  Speaker 1: never able to actually fully climb over. From the get-go,
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  Speaker 1: I knew what I was feeling was unbiblical. And not
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  Speaker 1: only that, but it was also culturally taboo being Hispanic.
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  Speaker 1: It was just something that you knew was like, this
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  Speaker 1: is just wrong. Not only that, not only because of
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  Speaker 1: what God says, but because, because of people's reaction and
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  Speaker 1: opinions of it.
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  Speaker 3: We'll be right back after this short break.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And so what did you, did you, how did you
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  Speaker 3: deal with it? Did you leave the faith or, or
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  Speaker 3: did you just continue on trudging along? Like, how did
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: you deal with it?
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  Speaker 1: So after that conversion around, well, conversion experience, around 12
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  Speaker 1: or 13, I, you know, I didn't come out as gay.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't, you know, I didn't even know what that
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  Speaker 1: was at that time. The term for it, you know,
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  Speaker 1: I just, I knew that it was an attraction I had.
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  Speaker 1: I think kind of the gay term started coming around
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  Speaker 1: probably my junior year of high school, so when I
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  Speaker 1: was around 15 or 16. And obviously, it just felt
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  Speaker 1: like it was something that was a chasm between God
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  Speaker 1: and me. It was something that was separating my fellowship
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  Speaker 1: with him. It was a source of great, of a
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  Speaker 1: lot of depression, not being able to talk about it
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  Speaker 1: with anyone as well. And I would pray for years, God,
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  Speaker 1: you know, why am I like this? I want to be,
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to be like this. I want to
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  Speaker 1: be straight like all the other guys. And, um, unfortunately
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  Speaker 1: it was not something I was able to talk about
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  Speaker 1: with really anybody. Um, which is why I think this
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  Speaker 1: kind of ministry is so important because I think these
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  Speaker 1: things need to be talked about with their kids. Um,
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  Speaker 1: but anyway, um, uh, in my senior year of high school,
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  Speaker 1: I came out as gay, uh, but I still hadn't
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  Speaker 1: fully rejected the faith. I had like seasons of devotion
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  Speaker 1: kind of, and then just kind of straying away because again,
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  Speaker 1: the lack of church made it hard to know what
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  Speaker 1: being a good Christian should look like. And I actually
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  Speaker 1: ended up going to a seminary for undergrad for one semester, uh,
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  Speaker 1: at Midwestern seminary. Um, So I was trying to hang
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  Speaker 1: on to the faith as much as I could and
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  Speaker 1: try to, even though having accepted myself as gay, trying
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  Speaker 1: to reject that part of myself, it was all a
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  Speaker 1: very confusing time and very kind of full of guilty feelings. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's not the happiest story. Ultimately, you know, I felt
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  Speaker 1: that God didn't answer that prayer to make me straight
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  Speaker 1: So I left the faith around the age of 22,
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  Speaker 1: extremely bitter and angry and hateful, hateful of Christians who
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  Speaker 1: were telling me that I couldn't get in a relationship
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  Speaker 1: while they're getting in a relationship just with people. And
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  Speaker 1: I became a big enemy of the faith. Wow. Okay.
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  Speaker 3: And then you started looking for the one and you
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  Speaker 3: found him in Europe. Um, tell us about that. So you,
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  Speaker 3: you started dating a guy in the UK and I
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  Speaker 3: believe you got married to him, right?
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  Speaker 1: Right. That's, that's right. Yeah. So, um, the intention wasn't
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  Speaker 1: to meet him. Actually, I wasn't like dating or on
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  Speaker 1: a dating website. I was actually using a language learning
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  Speaker 1: kind of social media platform and I was learning Japanese
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  Speaker 1: and he happened to be, so the platform is like
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  Speaker 1: you meet people who's who speak the target language you're learning.
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  Speaker 1: And he was learning Japanese, too. And I saw this
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  Speaker 1: profile picture. It wasn't even his face. It was like
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  Speaker 1: an anime character. I was just like, oh, I want
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  Speaker 1: to talk to this guy with the British flag. And
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  Speaker 1: that's how we started talking. I reached out to him first.
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  Speaker 1: It was all online. Yeah, I had no idea what
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  Speaker 1: he looked like at first, but I'm the kind of
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  Speaker 1: person that, I was the kind of person that just
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  Speaker 1: starts liking, you know, starts liking them no matter what
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  Speaker 1: they might look like, just depending on how, like, we
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  Speaker 1: communicate or click. Right.
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  Speaker 3: And so how long did you date him? And then
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  Speaker 3: how long did you date before you got married to him?
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  Speaker 1: So I never actually dated anybody before that. Um, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I was, um, I was kind of not, I was
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  Speaker 1: kind of a very shy and introverted person. So that
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  Speaker 1: was just not something I did. I never went to
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  Speaker 1: the gay bars, pride parade, pride parade or stuff like that. Um,
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  Speaker 1: but so we, you know, we started talking on this
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  Speaker 1: app and texting and, uh, the more we texted, I
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  Speaker 1: was like, I need to meet this guy. And so before,
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  Speaker 1: you know, we even dated, um, I booked tickets to London, uh,
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  Speaker 1: Jane for January, 2019. And, uh, yeah, we met during,
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  Speaker 1: during that one week, um, in Southwest of England. And
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  Speaker 1: after that trip, um, I knew like I was going
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  Speaker 1: to get married to this guy, you know?
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  Speaker 3: And so you moved to England like permanently.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I met him two more times subsequently in March
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  Speaker 1: and May 2019. COVID happened. I didn't have a job.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know how I did it, but we ended
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  Speaker 1: up getting married in Europe in November 2020. So there
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  Speaker 1: was over a year that we didn't meet, and it
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  Speaker 1: was solely long-distance relationships. And yeah, that kind of attachment
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  Speaker 1: we both formed to each other and love was so
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  Speaker 1: strong that we, yeah, like there was no problem with
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  Speaker 1: that period of the LDR, long distance relationship. We got
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  Speaker 1: married November 2020 during COVID. I didn't care about the regulations.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going. Yeah, and I moved to
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  Speaker 1: be with him April 2021. And then how long were
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: you guys together? So we were together, including the online
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: time since 2019, so until 2023. So that's probably a
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  Speaker 1: little over four years. Yeah, four years. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And did you, I think you said in one of
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  Speaker 3: your videos, you said that you started going to the
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: bathroom and praying privately, I guess. And you're, you asked God, like,
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: is this the life you really want from me? When
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: did that start happening?
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  Speaker 1: Oh boy. Yeah. So again, this is where that I
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  Speaker 1: was never truly able to reject. Not a truth of scripture.
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  Speaker 1: There was kind of like, like truly the parable of
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: the prodigal son. Like I, I knew who my father was.
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  Speaker 1: I just wanted my inheritance. I ran away and I
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  Speaker 1: was somebody unfettered sin. So I guess all along that
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  Speaker 1: kind of was just always like in the, in the,
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  Speaker 1: in the back of my mind, certainly not during like
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  Speaker 1: the honeymoon phase. Right. But, but I think, I think
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  Speaker 1: after a year, that I'd moved to the UK when
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: it kind of all settled down, emotions, you know, cooled down.
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  Speaker 1: So probably around 2022, I started, yeah, I started just
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  Speaker 1: for some reason, just praying, like, is this life you
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: want me to live, God? I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: And so you were, so obviously at that point in
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  Speaker 3: your life, you were kind of really struggling with like,
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  Speaker 3: is this right or wrong? What am I doing? You know, and,
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  Speaker 3: and then it all comes to a head in Japan
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  Speaker 3: on your 30th birthday. So tell us about what happened
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  Speaker 3: in Japan.
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  Speaker 1: Right. So it was my 30th birthday. We were, we, we,
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  Speaker 1: we went out there and we were going to meet, well,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: we met my twin brother and his wife who had
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: already become Christian at that point. Um, they had been
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: praying for me. My mom was, you know, praying for me.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: And, uh, Why was your twin brother, was your twin
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  Speaker 3: brother living in Japan?
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  Speaker 1: No, uh, he was living in California. Oh, okay. Um, okay. Yeah. So,
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  Speaker 1: so it was the first time they, uh, you know,
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  Speaker 1: I had flown back to America to meet them, but
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: it was the first time they were meeting my partner
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  Speaker 1: and they were, they were nervous about it because obviously
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: they followed Christ and they don't want to see their
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  Speaker 1: family member living in sin. Um, but I mean, the
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: trip was great, but, During it, I got sick. The
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: last few days were just a mess in hotels, and
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: we flew back to England, and the sickness kind of
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: didn't get better. It got worse, actually. I started experiencing
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: signs of anemia, so I would go up the stairs
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: in my flat, and I would be out of breath.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I was really overweight back then, but I
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: wasn't like, you know, I could climb a flight of stairs.
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  Speaker 1: So this is odd, I thought. And it culminated one
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: day into me having soaked the bed entirely with sweat,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: which I don't even have. I'm like the type of
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: person who hates having the AC on, so I don't
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: really run that hot. Super weird experience. I go get
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: labs at a five minute walk. The clinic, that's a
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: five minute walk away from where we live. It was
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  Speaker 1: a Friday afternoon, I believe. Nothing, I don't expect anything. Midnight,
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  Speaker 1: I think we're watching Netflix, my partner and I. It
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: was like midnight and like I get a phone call.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just like freaking out, like who the heck is
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: calling me at midnight? I don't, I mean, have I
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: angered somebody in England? And it was like the ER
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: saying you need to come or let us send someone
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: to your house. You know, it's the NHS. I don't
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: really remember the exact routine. But yeah, they sent a
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: nurse over to my house to check my, what's it called?
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: What's the word called that they used? just to check
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: like my blood pressure and heart rate.
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: Like your vitals, your vitals.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Vitals. Yeah. Everything was fine. So
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I didn't know why they kept me up until 2 AM,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: but I left the following Saturday, called me, come get your,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: get more labs drawn. Okay. I went, you guys are
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: ruining my weekend. I was supposed to, you know, just chill. Uh,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: nothing happens until that following Monday.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: And so what happened?
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: So I get called Monday morning to report to the ER.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, great. I get to take a sick
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: day off work. I let everybody know on my team.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: And I get there and we wait like probably two
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: hours to be seen. And finally we get taken into
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: a room where a hematologist comes and talks to me
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: and says, Brian, you have a bone marrow malignancy. And
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I'm just thinking like, I'm not that good at biology.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. Like, just give me
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: the prescriptions and I'll go home and enjoy the rest
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: of my day off. And they said, no, you have
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: acute lymphoblastic leukemia, blood cancer. And I don't know how
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: to describe it. Sheer terror coming upon me. I'm like,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: my partner and I both just started like weeping and
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: just at an utter loss of words for what this
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: could mean. Cause when you, if you get diagnosed with cancer,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: you're kind of, it's kind of like you were receiving
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: a death sentence. Right.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: And so how did that, how did that affect your
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: relationship with your partner?
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  Speaker 1: Well, I immediately, personally, I knew what was going to
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: happen from the moment I heard that. I knew God
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: was calling me back to himself. I knew what that
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  Speaker 1: meant for the long term of our relationship, which I
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: didn't disclose immediately to my partner. Um, I, well, I
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: didn't convert until the day after I was diagnosed, but
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I will say this, um, while they were performing the
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: bone marrow biopsy on me that first day, which is
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: not fun to put it lightly. I just kept repeating
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: a song my mother had taught me in Spanish. whole
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: time and it's Psalm 4 verse 8 oh yeah I
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: love that yeah it's a great one and I don't
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: have it memorized.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: In English he said we'll both lie down and sleep
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: for something about yeah.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah so I'm like lying down they have
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: a needle in my femur and they're pulling out my
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: life force you know my bone marrow and I'm just
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: repeating in paz me cosere y así mismo dormiré porque
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: solo tú o Jehová meses vivir confiado, which is what
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I was repeating. And yeah, that day passed. They let
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: my partner stay that night there. It was hard to
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: digest that. And to be honest, Becca, I can't remember
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: specifically what happened. I do remember we would just walk
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: around the hospital courtyard throughout that week, just very despondent.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it wasn't until the second day of my
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: diagnosis that I converted. What happened?
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: You asked for a Bible and you read Romans 1.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: What happened?
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Right. So a nurse asked me what my religion was.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: And I just spent a decade giving the middle finger
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: to God, honestly, worse than that. And I said, I'm
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: a Christian. Like, that's all. That's all there I could
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: think of. And I asked for the Bible, and I
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: opened on purpose to Romans 1, not like some kind
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: of mysterious coincidence. I knew what Romans 1 meant, or
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: what Romans 1 said. You know, I think all the
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: gay people who know the Bible, you know, 1 Corinthians 6,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Romans 1, 1 Timothy, something in there. Yeah. I opened
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: it and I read that. Well, I don't have it memorized,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: but it's Paul's description on homosexuality being kind of God's
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: letting you go to your own evil. God abandoning you.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I read that and that message that I used to
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: hate became suddenly my gospel, like the most beautiful scripture ever.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: And immediately after reading that, I don't even recall being
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: emotional or anything. The whoosh happened a few weeks after, um,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: but I just, I read it and I said, God,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry for disobeying you. I know what you thought
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: about what I, about getting married to a man and
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I hated you for it. If you let me live
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: one more month or one whole lifetime, my life is yours.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: And instantly, like, I just, I, I, the gay identity
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: kind of just, you know, went away. And I couldn't use,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: I couldn't use terms of endearment anymore with my partner immediately.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: It just felt, and you know, they came out like
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: second nature. It just felt wrong and I couldn't do
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: it anymore. And luckily, because of the treatment that was
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: coming up, I didn't really have the feeling to be
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: romantic at all anyway.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: And so how did you... Okay, you said you had
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: a whoosh thing three weeks later. What was that?
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah. So, oh my gosh. So the conversion happened
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: a week later after the diagnosis. I start chemo in Oxford.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: And it was probably two weeks after chemo. I remember
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: they placed me in the hottest hospital room getting direct
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: sunlight and they don't have AC and it's just horrible.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: But I remember listening to Fernando Ortega's Trisagion or Trisagion,
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure how you pronounce it, which is basically
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: an old Christian chant that says, you know, something like,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure how it goes anymore, Beckett, but It's
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: about the holiness of God and having, you know, holy,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: have mercy on me, a sinner. And I just felt,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: it's funny because my partner was like somewhere in that
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: room and I was just having this uncontrollable reaction to
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: God's presence, just weeping and weeping. singing this song, God
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: forgive me, a sinner, have mercy on me, a sinner.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: And he probably, my partner probably thought it was all
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: about chemotherapy in my veins. Um, but it was just, yeah,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: it was so intense what I felt. Um, it was
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: like love and comfort, um, and complete surrender. Even though
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I had already surrendered, it was, it was just kind of, uh,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: an overwhelming feeling about, about it. Hmm.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: And so obviously the, the, the question is now, how
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: did you extricate yourself out of this marriage? How did
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: you tell your, your husband, like what, what, how did
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: that go down?
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Right. Well, um, but I, I still loved him. That,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: That didn't change. And I know he loved me. We
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: were going to grow old together. We had such an
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: amazing time. We never left each other's side. We traveled.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: We were working remotely, so we traveled all over Europe. together.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: It was genuinely the best time I had in my life.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: So over the weeks, I was breaking the news slowly, like, hey,
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I just had this experience with god i i believe
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: in eternity i believe that jesus is real and i
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: want to live my life for him now and that
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: means we probably won't be able to be together just
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: kind of slowly explaining this thing over the weeks so
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: just to put it in perspective my my conversion was
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: july 24th 2023 and and we officially separated September 15th. So,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: my twin brother and his wife flew over from California
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: to take care of me because they knew that I
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: would need them during this time. They knew they had
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: to take care of me rather than the guy I
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: was about to break up with. So, It was great
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: that God kind of was able to line that up
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: sovereignly and provide that support for me because, I mean,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I would have survived doing a
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: treatment without them. And certainly I didn't want, I didn't want,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: you know, my partner taking care of me when I'm
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: about to, like, break his heart. But I do remember
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: one day as he was commuting from where we lived
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: to the Oxford Hospital and sending me you know, all
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: the contexts out there, you know, where I'm going to
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: break up with him and stuff, you know, it hadn't
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: happened yet. But he sent me a bunch of pictures
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: from my relationship together, which, I mean, yeah, that was hard.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I view this as God's grace, Beckett, on my partner's
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: life because as painful as it was for him as well,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: probably more so, he understood that what I was doing,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: I was thinking of eternity and life after death. And
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: he was able to, he was able to somewhat accept
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: it where I think If it were somebody else, it
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: would have gone differently. I was dying of treatment. I
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: had no strength left. God was putting before me this
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: commandment to leave him. I felt like I was a
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: dead man. I had no idea how I did it.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: I told God, you're going to have to pick up
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: my corpse and get me out of this relationship because
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I can't do it. I have no strength. I still
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: love him and I'm going to break his heart. And
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: that was the part back at that that I didn't want.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to be a disturbance to him. I
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: remembered Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, sweating blood. He's
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: about to be delivered and betrayed by one of his
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: best friends, to be crucified for our sins in perfect
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: obedience to the Father. And as horrible as my anguish was,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: I knew that my suffering savior was with me. Sympathizing
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: with me the whole time. And I cannot tell you
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: how I left that relationship. I only know that he
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: was my strength when I was weak. And so, yeah,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: we broke up September 15, 2023. Wow.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: And so did you move back to California right away?
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I was still undergoing treatment, which is a two-month-long induction
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: period for the leukemia treatment plan in the U.K., So
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I couldn't leave until, until after that induction period and
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: I sort of recovered a bit of white blood cells
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: for my own protection. So I finally moved back November, 2023.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I believe it was like November 5th and November 6th.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: I moved back to my parents' home and I was
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: able to start treatment again in December, 2023. That period
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: of moving caused the leukemia to come back altogether, rendering
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: basically a prior treatment kind of vein.
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: And so how are you doing now in terms of treatment,
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: in terms of your health? How are you now?
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: By God's grace, after many trials, I am over two
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: years cancer-free now. I did require a bone marrow transplant,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: and that has potentially lifelong complications. Right now, I'm okay.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: But in terms of the cancer, that's Lord willing, that
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: stays in remission.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: Praise God. And how has, like, in the last three years,
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: how has your relationship with the Lord been?
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: After the breakup, after I moved back, I was, honestly, Becca,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: I was angry. I was angry at God. I obeyed,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: but I didn't obey cheerfully. I remember just being parked
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: in a parking lot, being in my in my car
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: in a parking lot at night, just kind of screaming
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: my lungs out at God. Like, why did you make me,
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: why did you make me like this? Why do I
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: have to go through all this? And he was, God
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: was so patient with me, with my anger. And, and
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I am so glad treatment took the course it did.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: Getting the bone marrow transplant and the major complication that
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: happened with that a year later. It was a hugely
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: refining process. I had so much, you know, homosexuality was
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: just one of my sins. I had so much pride, anger,
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: hatred toward my fellow human beings. For I don't know
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: what reason. My heart was just filthy. And God worked
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: so much through those trials in me. And I'm still
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: a work in progress. But I believe my faith with
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: Christ right now is so good. As I said, I'm
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: not perfect. I fail so much. But I'm going through
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: the trials I went through. It brought me close to
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Christ in a way I just cannot describe. And I'm
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: so thankful for those trials. And I don't want more trials,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: but when they come, I need to remember it is
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: actually bringing me closer to Christ. And so I shouldn't
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: want to get out of trials so quickly.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah and so are you in a good church now
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: are you plugged into a church.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: Yes yes I'm at a great church.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: Good good good I'm glad that's very it's very important
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: I mean I I constantly tell people like you have
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: to like it I mean first of all in Hebrews
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: it says do not forsake the gathering together of the
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: saints but like it's like it's it's kind of like
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: one of the most basic things, uh, means of grace
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: by God that keeps us on the road, to the
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: celestial city. It's so important to be in a local church.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: It's vital. It's literally vital. I'm glad you found a church.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: I just became a member yesterday, so Oh, good. I'm
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: so happy about that. Oh, good, good, good.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: Congratulations. Well, Brian, we're going to leave it there. And
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: thank you for sharing your story. And it's amazing how
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: God just like comes in. I don't know how he
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: orchestrates these things. And then your whole life changes and your,
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: your whole life with God changes because of like some circumstance.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: And so I'm just, so thankful that you are in
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: Christ and that you have eternal life. Like, so that's amazing.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: And so thank you for sharing your story.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Becca. Thank you for everything you do,
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: praying for your ministry.
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: Wait, don't touch that dial. Please like and subscribe. And
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: also please consider becoming a patron on Patreon for as
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: little as $ 5 a month. You can really help us
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: out on the show. The link is below and we so,
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: so appreciate it.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Beckett
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: Cook Show. Your support makes this content possible. All episodes
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: of The Beckett Cook Show are also available on YouTube.
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: For more information about Beckett and his ministry, visit his
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: website at beckettcook.com.