Latest / Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily / Shield of Sparrows by Devney Perry - The Witcher from Temu?

Transcript

Shield of Sparrows by Devney Perry - The Witcher from Temu? · Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily

0:00
Hi friends, you're listening to Lose the Plot with Carla and
0:03
Emily. In this episode we're reading
0:05
Shield of Sparrows by Devney Perry.
0:08
We are talking about the entire book, so warning there will be
0:11
spoilers. I'm Carla, and forgive me
0:27
Highness for not giving a fuck. I'll.
0:32
I'm Emily and if Xavier was any more decorative, someone would
0:36
hang him on a wall. Trigger warnings from the
0:42
author's website Combat violence, blood, gore, death of
0:46
humans and animals, injury, dismemberment, illness,
0:49
hospitalization, arson, alcohol use, sexual activity and graphic
0:53
language. Mentions of poisoning and
0:56
trafficking in back story. That is the most efficient
1:02
trigger warnings I've ever done in my life, yeah.
1:04
Very quick. We're on to it today.
1:07
We're on it. Bro.
1:11
How do you feel? About this, About this, or just
1:16
generally? Not just the Witcher.
1:19
Bro. Is it not just the Witcher is?
1:22
Guardian, not just Girolt. It's just a romanticy Witcher
1:28
down to a lot. You know what though?
1:31
I was led astray because I thought this was a fucking
1:34
pirate book. Tell me why I had the impression
1:38
this is a pirate book. The second thing hopped on the
1:40
boat. I was like, I'm like, the
1:42
shenanigans are about to begin. To be fair when I looked it up
1:47
all the tik toks were hurt on a boat so.
1:50
She was on a boat for 5 minutes. It was like the equivalent of
1:53
being in an elevator. Yeah, but in saying that they
1:59
were like vomiting every 5 minutes, but that was it.
2:02
Like, OK, why was I expecting swashbuckling goodness?
2:06
Like a bit of black beard, a bit of blue beard.
2:11
Also hooked. Ripped me off that too.
2:13
So I was like I'm waiting bitch. I'm waiting for a pirate book.
2:17
Hello. Hello daughters of no world or
2:20
whatever. Isn't that about pirates?
2:22
I think I started reading that it's kind of magical too much
2:26
anyway, so it's a bit like this where it ends up magical
2:28
territory more so than pirate goodness.
2:31
Yeah, you just want only pirates.
2:33
Oh yeah, only pirates. No magic.
2:35
Yeah. OK.
2:37
Like a little bit of voodoo, maybe a.
2:39
Little art. But you know what they say,
2:41
you've just got to write it yourself then 'cause I, I've
2:43
just, I've just got to do it there.
2:46
So. Wells out of the way?
2:48
Exactly. I'll be like, you know what?
2:50
You know what the world means? Pirates, pirates.
2:54
So starting with our main female character, I'll just, I'll just
3:02
cross. She's a spare, She's a spare.
3:11
Not being the spare. Oh, that's a spare cross.
3:13
Not being the Prince Harry, she's pregnant too.
3:20
She comes out with an autobiography called Spare.
3:23
No, stop. Honestly though, she is the
3:27
Prince Harry. She is the Prince Harry.
3:29
She's older, yes. But she would be the one to be
3:33
the Prince Harry to leave the Kingdom and then bitch about it
3:36
after the. Fact.
3:38
Exactly, and then try and like suck up to the royalty
3:40
afterwards. I suppose she's also married to
3:43
like. Who's she even married to, first
3:45
of all? First of all.
3:47
First of all, that's not clear. First, like even like she's
3:51
married to a low key of black sheep.
3:53
So this is very This is just a Harry and Meghan Markle fanfic.
3:59
Fanfic gender gender swapped. I love that.
4:06
Her husband acts in his spare time on a crime TV show.
4:14
Can we just start with the fact that Odessa has the family who
4:18
has the most fuck off your literally useless spine like
4:23
they hate her. They hate her.
4:25
With a passion, though I don't even know why.
4:27
Her sister hates her. Why are you trying to murder
4:30
your sister, right? It doesn't make sense.
4:33
She's gets everything she wants, so she's not even jealous of
4:36
Odessa I. Hated every single other
4:39
character in this book that was not Odessa.
4:41
Facts. And then I'd like them just a
4:43
little bit. And then something would happen.
4:45
I'm like, oh what? I'm like, you would be an
4:50
asshole. So her younger sister is me.
4:53
Yeah, She's known to have complete bitch fits.
4:56
That's her whole life. Tantrums tanty she has toddler
4:59
tantrums. She doesn't get away.
5:01
She's cutting off people's hands, essentially.
5:04
And everyone loves her for it. They're like, yes.
5:07
I would hate her. You want that to be your queen?
5:12
Have toddler tantrums when she doesn't get her away.
5:14
And she's the daddy's favorite. Of course, I don't even know why
5:19
he doesn't even seem to like. I don't understand any of this.
5:22
Even the dad, anyway. Like on that man.
5:25
Who cares? Dead Mom.
5:27
Dead mom because of. Course there's a dead mom.
5:31
Crazy bitch stepmother. What was her name again?
5:34
Don't have a clue? Let's say like what gives the
5:38
vibe it's going to irk me now do.
5:41
You want me to look it up? Kind of I'll.
5:45
Just go to chapter. One irked I'm.
5:47
Fair, sure, she talks about her on chapter 1.
5:49
He's like, she will murder me if I'm not there on time.
5:52
Something about being a no touch Nelly like she's very much.
5:56
Margot, OH. That's not what I was expecting
5:59
for some reason. It's giving Margot though.
6:02
So anyway, she's the step mum so the whole collective family just
6:04
fucking hates her absolute guts. She's just, what is she even
6:08
doing really? She's just stay at home
6:11
daughtering. Yeah, because she has no role.
6:14
She's not like in the Kingdom. She's not allowed to leave.
6:16
She's being married off. She's an art girl.
6:19
She likes her art and craft. She's.
6:21
Like engaged to Barnaby or some shit.
6:25
Bennett, Garrett, something. Look, Baron.
6:29
Trump, if you will. Stop.
6:31
He's the King's guard, right? Yeah.
6:33
So she's essentially. Was that your toe?
6:34
No, my feet are on the chair. Oh OK, I thought we touched toes
6:39
just a little. Central No.
6:42
I sure puts the under the table. I'd say with Central.
6:48
Central, Central. And then I was like, I'm like,
6:55
she's. Getting ahead of ourselves.
6:57
OK, so Barnaby or some shit, right?
6:59
He's the King's main God. So essentially she's kind of
7:02
like a consolation runners up, long service leave type.
7:06
Prize for him. I don't even think he wants her.
7:10
He wants her in AI have the Princess kind of way but he does
7:14
not like her. He's a grump.
7:16
He's fucking disgusting. Grumpalicious.
7:19
Grumpalicious. What is up with him?
7:23
Like what? I think he.
7:25
What's wrong with Odessa? Let's be real.
7:26
Because nobody wants her. No one.
7:28
Wants Odessa. What is up with her?
7:31
Like what do you think she gives?
7:33
Does she give creepy girl? No, I think she just does.
7:37
I think she's nosy, but in a way that she should be.
7:41
Like, she's nosy at the end of the day because no one will tell
7:43
her shit. And then I'm like, maybe.
7:46
Wiley Minx. Yeah, so maybe they're just like
7:49
this girl's asking too many questions all the time.
7:53
Like she's too curious. I might just kill her off at
7:55
this point. You all hate her, right?
7:58
Honestly, just open the Kingdom walls.
8:00
She'll just wander. Around and die.
8:02
Send her to another Kingdom. She's got no survival skills.
8:05
No, she's not gonna bear girls. That if they let her out but
8:09
unlike they didn't even try with her.
8:10
Like her education, her like sword, pipe, whatever.
8:15
She's not worth investing in. No, and they're like, you know
8:18
what? You're trash.
8:19
Her stocks were down like just straight up, but they.
8:22
Didn't try, no. I love it.
8:26
They just put all their eggs in May's basket.
8:28
They're like, she's got it. She's got the star quality,
8:30
she's got The X Factor. She just may have a tantrum
8:33
every now and then. They're like.
8:35
She's the I. Don't know why they would.
8:36
OK, May, Why would you send her to a Kingdom where you're trying
8:40
to find out information? She'd just crack a fucking
8:42
tanty. Yeah, she'd be on the boat.
8:45
Like, why are we even on a boat? Like she sounds like the
8:48
whiniest bitch ever. I feel like she would lock in.
8:51
Yeah, I. Feel like they're trying to say
8:53
that she, under pressure would lock in and be the best.
8:56
Spot, yeah, but her personality would be trash.
8:58
They won't tell her shit anyway, probably.
9:02
I was like, at least Odessa got, she's got a lot of empathy and.
9:06
But maybe they thought the Prince would just become whipped
9:09
and just tell her the info. Yeah, she must have a magic
9:13
coochie. Then how does everyone know that
9:15
already? Well, they how do they know?
9:19
Well in the 1st chapter they pretty much said that it's weird
9:22
they wouldn't let Odessa go sleep around.
9:25
She wasn't allowed to. If she tried to sneak out they
9:27
would catch her and bring her back.
9:29
But they essentially said May was allowed to go fuck around so
9:32
she could get experience. So I'm like, it makes no sense
9:35
they really. Let her do the field work.
9:37
Yeah. They're like, oh, it's just them
9:40
investing in her. They're like, oh, this virgin
9:43
one is never going to get laid anyway.
9:44
Don't even. Care, but I'm like, when you
9:47
think about like the time periods these are written in.
9:50
Men are frothy for virgins. He was never going to pick May
9:53
anyway. You know what, Fast forward,
9:57
Fast forward, they're out there weird arranged marriage
9:59
ceremony, yes. So everyone just like, cool,
10:01
can't wait for me to get picked and marriage on the spot and
10:05
then fucking what? They're all just standing there
10:07
ready to go. They just walk in with all these
10:10
fucking eels. And then they're like, no, it's
10:13
going to be that one. Sorry, I pick and he's like no
10:17
you can't pick and he's like well actually I killed 7 eels
10:22
that were right females. I get to pick well, like.
10:29
Well, in the una reverse it's. Like I actually well and then.
10:35
So someone's gotta sign some shit, You know, someone's gonna
10:38
get married today, OK? We've already done the food.
10:40
Like what are you gonna someone's getting married?
10:43
He's like you don't have a choice.
10:44
He's like, you've got to give me one and I get to pick now.
10:47
And I love how there was just no negotiation.
10:49
They're just like. Wait, right?
10:51
I love how Odessa's just there, like, are you just really going
10:54
to let them take me? And they're like, absolutely.
10:56
They're like, oh, good signature plan.
10:59
Yeah. So that was the weirdest
11:01
ceremony ever. It was just like, imagine not
11:04
even speaking to the groom and he's not even giving you eye
11:07
contact. And he's just like, doesn't want
11:09
to be there. Obviously a.
11:10
Clock on the wall. That's saviour.
11:11
Yeah, it's not a romantic wedding.
11:14
I don't know. It was bad.
11:15
Yeah, it was. Yuck.
11:16
It was icky. It was awkward.
11:19
I'm like, this all happens and they're like, you know what
11:21
you're going to do spy for me now.
11:23
And she's like, wow, we've got 6 hours to 10 minutes.
11:26
Much information. Like, you know how we've never
11:28
told you anything about any of what we're trying to do?
11:31
Well, we were training Mae for her entire life to be a spy, and
11:35
now you're it, apparently. Yeah, not only that, Mae tries
11:39
to kill her. She's like, what did you do?
11:42
She just, she went outside. That's all she did.
11:45
It's. Giving Dumbledore about to
11:46
strangle Harry about putting his name in the Goblet of Fire.
11:51
Do you remember? I won't go tomorrow.
11:52
I'm just, I was like, it wasn't me, bitch.
11:56
So like, I swear I didn't know I didn't do it.
12:00
Which Dumbledore do you prefer? Calm Dumbledore in the book or
12:03
it's been a Dumbledore in. The movie.
12:05
It's been a very long time since I've read Harry Potter.
12:08
It's not fresh in my mind. Not a clue.
12:11
Nice. It's on the list.
12:12
Maybe we'll revisit. Mario Barry.
12:15
Maybe. Mario Barry.
12:17
I feel like we have mad shit to talk about Harry Potter.
12:20
I would. I'd love.
12:20
To talk to mad. Mad.
12:22
T you know how we create stuff and we pretend it's Canon?
12:28
I think that'll be wild for Harry Potter.
12:30
So OK, I'm imagining the Guardian as just Girolt, right?
12:34
Like hello. Black haired Girolt.
12:36
Yeah, it may be the story, OK for me, yes.
12:40
Or. Not the Liam fucking Hemsworth
12:43
version. OK, We're going to roll that
12:45
back to Henry Cavill, OK? Hello.
12:47
I don't really like Henry Cavill, but if I was to choose a
12:51
Witcher it'd be Henry Cavill probably.
12:54
Uh huh, I don't. Even understand his purpose
12:57
because also. I don't know honestly, sometimes
13:01
fantasies are really hot, like even romanticies.
13:04
The fantasy is sometimes a little harder to get into
13:07
because you're like, what is happening?
13:09
There's so much law. We just started with the chain
13:12
of sevens. Yeah, I think it was called and
13:14
the magical treaty. And now we Shield of Sparrows
13:16
that was. All, all in one.
13:18
Yeah. And now we're going into.
13:20
The Guardian. The Guardian.
13:22
I'm like what? Monsters.
13:24
I was like, we just met the foster too.
13:26
So I was like, we're only in like the first couple of
13:29
chapters and there's a lot going on.
13:30
And then I'm like, what the fuck?
13:32
Is the Guardian actual? And I'm like, no one is saying
13:35
anything about him. And then you hear he's got
13:38
magical abilities and I'm like, cool, add it to the list.
13:41
And then is he just the Guardian because you're supposed to
13:44
protect the Queen? No, he's the Guardian.
13:47
So I don't know if you remember, but deep, deep down in the book,
13:51
he saved children. So he got called the Guardian
13:54
because actually this is where the hatred for Barnaby Bennett,
13:59
whatever he's called Garrett. Barnaby Bennett we're.
14:02
Just going to use some random names for this man.
14:05
He hates the Guardian because his brother was killed by the
14:08
Guardian. Yeah.
14:09
So essentially what had happened is his brother was sex
14:12
trafficking children and then. Guard do.
14:16
As you as you do, as you do you just you just steal some random.
14:20
The medieval Epstein, if you will.
14:23
It's like you just steal some teenagers.
14:25
It's fine. It's fine.
14:27
Anyway, the Guardian killed him, Yeah, but I don't know if his
14:31
brother is aware that he was trafficking them or if he wasn't
14:36
aware. But all he is aware of is the
14:38
Guardian cut his head off, essentially.
14:39
So he was a bit pissy. About that, a bit pissy.
14:41
So he's the Guardian because they started calling him the
14:45
Guardian after he saved these children.
14:48
In this context, because you don't know all that, yes, you're
14:51
just like, cool, he's the Queen's soldier.
14:54
The Queen. He's the Queen's soldier.
14:56
Also the brother that's pissy about him anyway.
14:59
He has the worst personality, so you don't exactly assume that
15:04
the Guardians in the wrong either because you're like, he's
15:07
such a whiny little baby and he doesn't even like Odessa.
15:11
He just likes. And then he's like, you were
15:12
trying to take she's getting married off and this man's more
15:16
worried about that. His prize has gone.
15:19
He doesn't even talk to her. He's just worried that he's lost
15:21
his prize. It's because that was his link
15:23
to the royal family to have a connection there.
15:26
Yes. For watch, made sense.
15:28
But otherwise he's just some random beefy man standing next
15:31
to the. And also explain that properly
15:33
because I'm so sick of books not physically describing people
15:37
enough. Yeah.
15:38
Who? What does Xavier you even really
15:40
look like? What does the Guardian look
15:41
like? I didn't even know there were
15:42
separate people. Yeah, well, apparently they look
15:45
exactly the same. Yeah, I was like, cool, so
15:47
they're long lost brothers or some shit.
15:49
Like straight away I was like. That's the twist.
15:52
Yeah, like you didn't even need. You knew it's.
15:55
Like, cool. Cool, cool, cool she.
15:56
Points everything out so obviously they look, I don't
15:59
look cool. But doesn't say what's
16:01
identical. Yeah, the only thing I remember
16:04
about this book and his appearance is his eyes changing.
16:08
It drove me up the wall. It pissed me off so much.
16:11
You can't tell us his general physique, but you can tell me
16:15
every time his eye color changed.
16:17
Like once you work out while he's eye color changing, it's
16:20
all right, but you've got like chapters and chapters up to
16:23
that. So you're like, now I need to
16:25
work out how he was feeling. 10 chapters.
16:27
I didn't even know if he was like a human being, a spirit, an
16:31
essence, a liquid, a solid. I didn't know shit, I didn't
16:36
know. Ass.
16:36
I didn't know ASI, didn't know ASI.
16:37
Didn't know AI didn't I guess he just like.
16:41
Does he have an AS like? Does he just manifest?
16:43
Was he just floating around and his voice was just in the
16:46
wedding? I'm like, I don't know, we.
16:47
Went from like the vosters not being able to speak, which I I'm
16:52
like cool Shadowhunters but it's fine.
16:55
And then we went to the Guardian.
16:56
I'm like what? No, Like who's even?
16:58
I didn't I. Never even know who the
17:00
phosphorus. It's a classic problem where
17:04
they introduce multiple concepts and characters at the exact same
17:08
time and then you get big blocks of dialogue as the plot and law
17:13
and then you're just like what? Look, it's fine, you need all
17:17
the law on the back, but they don't tell.
17:20
I'm not exactly. Also, they added so many random
17:22
characters that we never see again.
17:24
That we don't need. We do not need them.
17:26
I do not care. So anyway, she signs the fucking
17:30
blood treaty bullshit Shield of sparrows.
17:32
She's she's. Ready.
17:33
She's ready to get down. To Xavier, right in the ceremony
17:38
is what she thinks. They come out of it.
17:40
It's almost like he's allergic to her.
17:43
So you. Oh my God.
17:46
It's as if I just didn't. Even get married anyway she's.
17:48
Like the clingiest bitch, rightfully so.
17:51
Rightfully so. She's clingy as fuck but she's
17:53
like I just want to fuck my husband to.
17:56
Be fair. Like she's been locked up in a
17:58
fucking yeah practically a tower.
17:59
She's horny as fuck. Horny as fuck.
18:01
And she's finally gotten permission to unleash the Kitty.
18:04
And then he's fucking nowhere. She.
18:05
Couldn't find him, but she's also like this.
18:09
Well, her whole duty is to get married and have kids.
18:11
So she's probably like, well, if I'm here I might as well.
18:15
But also it's all embarrassing because I one. 100% And not only
18:19
that, the next day she's got to, like, hop on the ship.
18:22
Yeah. And she's such a pick me that
18:24
she's looking for fucking Garrett.
18:26
Whatever. It's like Barnabas.
18:28
Barnabas on the edge of the Cliff and the horse.
18:30
And he's not even waving. He doesn't.
18:32
Work. He's waving.
18:33
It's just not to her. Exactly.
18:35
It's like. Girl, take a hint, babe, take a
18:39
hint. The movie he's just not that
18:40
into you. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it
18:42
up. Go watch that shit.
18:44
Highly. Recommend shit but like could
18:47
you believe we're out at the same time because she's got
18:48
nothing else. Like she's got no one that's
18:50
interested the one off I mean. Also keep in mind the night
18:55
before he was having a full meltdown about her getting
18:57
married off so she's a little delusional.
19:00
Probably going maybe he does like me.
19:03
Read between the lines. Girl.
19:04
It's not you, girl. You were the merchandise.
19:07
He's just sad that he got taken. This is when I was bitterly
19:11
disappointed about it not being a pirate.
19:14
A pirate. Story she'd.
19:15
Feel any better? Better at least.
19:17
She almost died on the ship. But then they stepped off the
19:20
ship and they're like, cool, That was just the truth.
19:22
I was like. Oh, I was like, yeah, seas are
19:26
away. Are you?
19:27
This is the only thing I don't like about things in that time
19:30
period is the travel is fucking so long all the time.
19:34
This is the first time she's seen a crazy fucking eel and she
19:37
falls off the boat because she doesn't know how to listen.
19:39
Yep, in that water. How does she not know about
19:42
anything though? She seems to not know about
19:45
monsters, not know about any politics, not know about the own
19:49
law of her own. Also she Kingdom they're.
19:52
Doing it all openly in front of her and she just packs it away.
19:55
Like the guardian jumped off the boat and just swam to the next
19:58
one in like 2 seconds and then she just let it go.
20:03
She's let it go and then they're watching him like she's watching
20:06
him try to spear it eel and she's like, what is happening?
20:09
And she's mainly caring about the fashion.
20:12
And I'm like, OK. And like, Oh my God, what do my
20:15
handmaidens think about mine? Oh.
20:19
Yuck, yuck. First of all, in saying that
20:21
though, they meet you. You know what?
20:24
I'm so mad. They hate her too.
20:27
Really. Yeah, she's.
20:28
Insufferable though, Loki. She isn't.
20:31
She isn't like at least she cares about them more like a
20:35
little bit like she she is insufferable but she also did so
20:38
much for the more than what a normal Princess would do Keep in
20:41
mind. In context In context could have
20:43
been may she? Could have been May.
20:47
I'm like she made sure they were sleeping.
20:50
May wouldn't look after him on the fucking boat.
20:52
Let's be for real if they were throwing up on that boat.
20:54
But do they appreciate it? No, no they do not.
20:57
Clearly because I would have been conflicted about the
21:01
ending. I don't know though, because
21:03
like, if you've got a Princess that's that's dumb and that
21:05
naive and you could milk it, maybe you may as well.
21:09
Yeah, like otherwise, who else is going to give you a leg up in
21:11
this weird world? Yeah, True, true, true.
21:14
My love how she just has 0 self esteem which makes a lot of
21:18
sense with her upbringing because if this was me at
21:22
whatever age she is I'd be like fuck you to my dad and sister I.
21:26
Would have disappeared. I would just do whatever the
21:28
fuck I want. Who cares?
21:29
I'm a queen now. Yeah, who the fuck cares?
21:32
I'm not going to fucking training school.
21:35
Like why are these people now trying to train me up?
21:37
No. She asked.
21:38
Like, but yeah, but I wouldn't do that.
21:40
I'd be like the. Fuck the fuck.
21:42
I'm not gonna to be it. She was almost eaten by a big
21:45
ass eel so. Yeah, but I feel like that's
21:47
someone elses problem. If I'm queen like, like I'm, I'm
21:51
ready to sit. Well, what else is she gonna do?
21:54
I don't know, She's been told she's useless.
21:56
I'd be like, cool time to be a wallflower.
21:59
You're like, I'm just gonna sit here and watch, guys.
22:01
I'm ready to be sat. This is so ready.
22:04
Like I just had to go on this horrible boat trip.
22:06
Sit on a horse for hours. Bring me my silk dresses also
22:11
she. Gets to go to like a little tree
22:13
house area. She doesn't have to do shit.
22:16
That's what I mean. Like, what is she doing?
22:18
She's doing too much. She's doing too much.
22:20
I'd be like, cool, this is my fate.
22:22
Like, Oh my God, destiny. Whoa.
22:25
Like what could that be again? Although I think she's just a
22:28
bit pent up because she's not rooting her man.
22:30
Yes. So the married life is not
22:32
living. She's not.
22:33
Rooting her man. This hot, very big bodyguard is
22:37
around her at all times. And she's just been given a
22:40
mission to kill him, by the way. Yeah, She's like, how am I gonna
22:42
do that in my spare time? She's.
22:45
Spiraling. She's going to become useful to
22:48
everyone around her. She's so dumb.
22:50
Like everyone can read her like a book.
22:52
She'll ask a question. Everyone's like her trying to
22:55
spy again, like it's just useless.
22:59
She hasn't got a spy bone in her body.
23:02
She's like, oh, I'm going to slay all the monsters, OK, OK,
23:06
Fucking walk. And imagine she gets a good job
23:09
'cause if this was Gerald from the witch arrival, would you be
23:12
asking him to train you? I'd be like girl.
23:15
Yes, yes. But how embarrassing.
23:18
I hate doing embarrassing things, but he'd have to be in
23:20
my space at all times. It'd be like the equivalent of
23:23
having a jacked personal trainer and you don't know squat.
23:26
Yeah, how embarrassing. I couldn't do it.
23:29
I'd die of embarrassment. Usually in fantasy books the
23:33
female characters pissing themselves all the time so it's
23:35
either embarrass yourself and learn how to throw a sword or
23:38
piss yourself in front of them. So I feel like I would go for
23:44
the sword. She kind of sucks though, yeah.
23:46
I mean realistic. She's got no stamina, she's
23:50
clumsy as fuck. No upper body strength.
23:52
Nothing. I'm surprised she can hold up a
23:54
sword. Yeah, they give her a little
23:56
one. Well, she did hold it up to.
23:59
Give her a bottom line. They're like, good.
24:02
Luck. Good luck girl.
24:03
We're shopping at the end. We're like, oh, no, thank you
24:07
for a big helmet, like just a park, like a hockey helmet with
24:11
the guard thing. They're.
24:12
Like you're not allowed to leave without the full padding.
24:15
They give a knee pads, they're like, oh God, you're more likely
24:19
to be using these. When she, like, decides she
24:28
wants to train and they're both standing in there.
24:32
They're both standing there and Xavier's like, why not?
24:34
And the Guardian's like, she can't do shit.
24:37
So she's trying to hold his big ass sword up.
24:41
And Xavier's like, what possibly could go wrong?
24:44
They were so worried about her killing him.
24:45
And I was like, she can't even walk.
24:49
She can't even stand up straight.
24:51
What are you worried for exactly?
24:52
Yeah. She's useless.
24:55
What I don't understand is, you know, when they go to Xavier's
24:59
land or whatever and all of his people don't know she's queen or
25:03
like. They didn't tell anyone, they
25:05
only told the small around him group.
25:08
And that's when all of the law behind the fricking Lysa and the
25:11
IT was so marbler. And I'm like, OK, so this is all
25:15
inner circle shit. Yeah, none of the general
25:18
population knows and you guys are low key trying to sort it
25:21
out, but not yeah and purposefully trying not to tell
25:25
her anything. Exactly.
25:27
But she's supposed to help. Yes, while also trying to keep
25:32
her safe. And she doesn't even know from
25:34
what. She's just like Royal, what am I
25:41
doing here? I.
25:43
Think is she's low key panicking in all the ways I would probably
25:46
panic. Right.
25:48
But why does she want to impress her dad and sister still?
25:50
She's like, Oh my God, they gave me this.
25:52
She. She's traumatized.
25:53
I'd be like, He's never gonna love you, babe.
25:55
She. I think she's just trying to be
25:57
important to her dad and that's a look traumatising for
26:01
everyone, right? Everyone.
26:02
Oh. I was like, when we really
26:04
dwindle it down, it makes a lot of sense, but.
26:06
Resist the biological urge to try and impress your parents.
26:10
Resist your baby. You you just went to a new
26:13
country where you're literally getting shithanded to you.
26:16
And The thing is, she doesn't even have to personally go home
26:19
and deliver the news. She can go get one of her
26:21
handmaidens to send Dadam's a letter saying oh, guess what?
26:25
Just as you expected, I. Fucked it up.
26:27
Also at the same time. Just don't.
26:29
You're in enough. How's he gonna get to you?
26:32
How's he gonna get to you? He's already written you off
26:34
babe. Like he does not expect a return
26:37
on this. No, he's already got Plan B
26:39
initiated. I'm just, I'm like he or I think
26:42
he already assumed she would die on the way there.
26:44
A. 100%. Riding a horse for a couple of
26:46
hours, she was nearly taken out of.
26:49
Exactly she. Was worried about all the wrong
26:51
things. They're like getting off,
26:53
they're fresh off the boat. She is on a horse.
26:57
She's like, fuck, I don't want to be on a horse.
26:59
She's worried about Tiller trying to get her bodyguard,
27:03
trying to get her man. But she's like, there's bears
27:05
trying to eat us and he's trying to fuck Tiller.
27:07
Not your husband, for one. Right.
27:10
Why does she think she owns every guy but then no one wants
27:13
her I'm. Wondering at the same time with
27:16
the magical contract if they like soul tie in a way that
27:20
they're drawn Twitter. Maybe.
27:22
Because that would make a lot of sense.
27:24
I think that's low key a bit part of it, but why?
27:26
But it's never mentioned. But she was so trying to make
27:30
things work with Xavier by doing absolutely.
27:32
Nothing. Nothing and everything.
27:34
Like why not? At least try and seduce the man.
27:36
I think she. Tried seducing the man but she
27:38
would try through the guardian. Oh, come on.
27:42
Yeah, like every time you're cock.
27:44
Fucking yourself. She every time she would bring
27:47
it up, she'd bring it up to the Guardian.
27:49
She was like I will fuck you. Yeah, OK.
27:52
And. He's like, he's not gonna fuck
27:55
you, girl. He's like.
27:56
It's more embarrassing when you know that she was saying all
27:58
this shit while the guardian was just like, look, I don't know
28:01
what to tell ya. As if he didn't know he's acting
28:05
like later on when all that's revealed, oh like only just
28:08
found out. Shut up bitch.
28:13
And that's one tea because if I was the Guardian I would do that
28:16
shit too. I'd be like.
28:17
What? What do you mean?
28:22
Honestly, everyone's gaslighting hurt everyone from the top of
28:26
the hierarchy to the bottom. Like your handmaids beneath you
28:30
or even gaslighting you. I'm.
28:31
Like that's embarrassing. He started liking her.
28:33
Because I don't see a point ever.
28:36
Me either. Me.
28:37
Either it was a gradual, it was kind of like a slow burn I.
28:40
It was definitely being forced into space it.
28:43
Wasn't even enemies to lovers because he was neutral.
28:46
Yes, I don't think he liked her. Yeah, but it wasn't really like
28:50
he disliked her. Oh.
28:52
You know what, I don't think it was that he didn't like her
28:54
because remember, he goes as soon as I seen you jump off the
28:56
Cliff, I knew you were mine. And maybe it was a I'm trying to
28:59
make you hate me so much so you don't want to be around me
29:03
things. So it's not even an enemies for
29:04
lovers anyway. Yeah, I know.
29:06
And like what was? Who cares about your hair colour
29:08
babe? No one cares about it as.
29:10
Much as you do, Mum. But no one cares about it as
29:12
much as you do, you know what I mean?
29:13
She's like, Oh my God, if they see my red poking through
29:16
they'll know I'm special. But like, fair, she was
29:21
traumatised her entire life about her red hair so yeah, just
29:25
go bold. Shave off them curls, girl.
29:29
It was her hair colour and his eye colour that was supposed to
29:32
be. They're like, Oh my God, we're
29:34
so unique. Her lack of starbursts and
29:37
alright. And then him just being
29:39
diseased, he was like, oh. I like he thinks she's just as
29:43
diseased. Right.
29:44
There's something not right with her.
29:46
Let's be real. Go on.
29:47
I don't even know. OK?
29:48
What is even happening? OK, She did her training.
29:50
Mm. Hmm.
29:51
I don't know what the next part of the pot was.
29:53
Like she was trying to train so she could defend herself, but
29:56
then Loki, in the back of her mind, she's still trying to
29:57
betray the Guardian. Like she still actually thinks
30:01
she's like, how am I going to kill you?
30:03
Like shut up. I went to sneak into his room at
30:06
night. You can't even get out of your
30:09
tree house. He's trapped you in there every
30:11
day. Actual.
30:12
She also doesn't think about a lot of things.
30:16
Like you've got Xavier that wants nothing to do with you,
30:18
and then you've got the Guardian whose little tree Hut is right
30:21
next to your biggest tree Hut. Make it make sense.
30:24
She's just babysitting her, that's all it is to keep up the
30:27
lie. Yeah.
30:28
Wouldn't that just with anybody? You'd be like, why hasn't my
30:32
husband tried it? Come on.
30:34
Come on. Like it just drags.
30:35
Because he's a freak. Freak of nature.
30:39
If I was even in the year old days I'd just assume he's gay
30:43
and I've now signed up to be a beard unknowingly.
30:46
Yeah. But no, it wasn't that it wasn't
30:48
that he was gay. It.
30:49
Was everything else. Because everything else, I don't
30:53
know what was the big deal about him revealing his name.
30:56
I'm like, OK, nobody cares. I know that was so far into it,
31:01
but he finally told her. You know, when they're building
31:03
their relationship, we're like, OK, if you.
31:05
Guys have a name reveal. Why is it ransom I mean?
31:09
It's just sound dangerous. I think no, because it's the
31:12
real prince's name. So.
31:14
Like it's all part of it, yeah. Isn't Xavier's name real name
31:17
like Dale or something? Something literally.
31:19
But like, why does he have to have a fake name too?
31:22
Why does he why does guardian get a name upgrade and then
31:25
Xavier has to have a name downgrade Dale.
31:30
So his name is Ransom Wolf and he finally tells her after so
31:33
much back and forth and blah blah blah, she's like, Oh my
31:37
God, he's are you he's. Like I trust you now.
31:42
And that was wasn't that after she snuck out without telling
31:45
him? Yeah, I was flirting openly with
31:48
another lass. Yes, listen, she it's not even
31:50
she snuck out. She literally crawled into some
31:55
random. Man so good and he didn't even
31:58
wanna take her. He didn't even order her was
32:01
like. He's like, I'm not taking you
32:03
back now. He's like.
32:05
I don't know what you're doing. This is a one way trip.
32:07
This. Is a one way trip, but.
32:09
Didn't you have to pay him? Yeah, yeah.
32:10
She was like, Oh my God, please stink me out.
32:13
I mean, don't. No, I'm I totally could be out
32:16
here. This is actually the Queen over
32:19
here, braided up and everything with brown hair in pants.
32:23
She even wore a dress to get on there to make it seem like she
32:26
was. I was like it's not working.
32:28
And then she went five metres down the road and then she gets
32:31
let off at the year old pumped happened and then.
32:35
He ransomed in the doorway. He's in the.
32:37
Streets. Let's be real.
32:39
He's getting. This is yourself.
32:43
She was for a girl married to another man, so she assumed.
32:46
Still, she was spiralling about him.
32:48
Valid fucking trying to fuck the innkeeper.
32:50
Valid. He was practically at the
32:52
brothel. I'm like, but then I'm like, was
32:55
he trying to fuck her? Because he already decided that
32:58
that was his wife and he wasn't fuck around.
33:00
And then he was making out with the innkeeper in the door.
33:03
So I was like, yeah, Peter Lane. Am I rooting for him or not?
33:07
It was supposed to make us doubt him.
33:09
I guess she doubted him. She was like, maybe I should
33:12
stick with Xavier, who's possibly gay.
33:15
Maybe he's the safer option. I'm like, and he's a father.
33:19
I don't know, actually finds that out but right it's around
33:21
now. Ohh.
33:23
The bit about him being a dad was just so that they could
33:25
throw a kid into the mix. To me, it's an emotional
33:29
support. Kid exactly and to make Ransom
33:32
look like he has dad qualities and I fucking hate that but.
33:35
Also I also think it's to make Odessa look better because
33:39
anytime she's meant to look good, it involves children, it
33:42
involves Evie, it involves the random tree kids and then when
33:47
she does try to put a life on the line some kid gets his head
33:51
ripped off. So I'm like, it's, I think they
33:53
she uses kids as a way to make it better.
33:56
Like we're supposed to be like, Oh my God, it's so maternal.
33:58
She she's. She's saving the world and.
34:00
She adopts a monster who by the way, they don't even know the
34:03
source of the infection, but you're going to adopt a month?
34:08
Like the origin of the fucking disease could be in that little
34:12
fucking dragon baby. It was a little tiger.
34:16
Oh. Maybe I.
34:17
Got confused with its name being.
34:19
Oh, it's like Tarkin or some shit.
34:20
Yeah, see, I just thought of 4th Wing and I immediately just.
34:23
No, no, no. Valid because they've got like
34:26
Grizzlies, which is a bear, obviously.
34:29
Very. Bad.
34:30
Yeah. At one point there were like 10
34:31
beer wolfs working just like who?
34:35
It's this Hugh Jackman or like, like where?
34:41
Like I need so much more description of the monsters.
34:45
I. Feel I struggle so hard with
34:46
that. Definitely gave plenty.
34:49
Oh, OK, she wasn't paying attention.
34:51
I think she wasn't paying attention because when she
34:54
adopts the two parents of the pups.
34:57
Oh. Try to kill everyone.
34:58
That's when she saves all the children and then they go to
35:00
kill the pups. It's all a Blair.
35:02
It's all a Blair. Anyway, back to our girl.
35:06
Our no, no. Back to Odessa on her.
35:10
A trouble. Life trouble.
35:14
She she was pissing, sliding down that in wall.
35:18
She was like, I don't even want the dinner that I ordered now.
35:21
She's like, I'm so stressed, depressed, and then she.
35:25
Opens the door and he's just standing in there.
35:27
That's The funny thing is she's like, I made it past him, no
35:30
problems. And then he's just in the room.
35:32
Yeah, creeping in the corner, right?
35:34
He's just standing there. Big ass fucking 67, big ass
35:39
body, 6-7 hours, built like a brick shit house.
35:43
And he's angry as. Well then you can tell because
35:45
his eyes are insert colour here. Silver.
35:50
You can tell he's mad because his eyes are silver.
35:53
Even that wouldn't work on me because I don't notice these
35:56
things. I'm like, wait.
35:59
Let me get out my glasses please does.
36:01
That mean you're a horny? Wait this red 1?
36:05
Is that common? She's like, I'm a horny too.
36:08
He's sober, like Dad asked about tomato.
36:11
To be fair, she opened the door and he's like, hello, my queen.
36:14
I would have been like, He's horny.
36:16
She'd. Be like, say, glass.
36:22
She like this little cat. She's like, let me strip down.
36:25
She's been a minute. She's like, stay there.
36:29
Stay there. It's good.
36:30
It's good, It's good. Well, I just close.
36:34
Out the old. Curtains.
36:36
I just love it. Let me just dust off the
36:40
mattress. Let me just wait for my room
36:42
service to get here. It's.
36:44
Been a long ride, I need a meal. But like, he's not even
36:50
technically that mad because he knew everything, which is even
36:56
more embarrassing, you know? But he didn't know.
36:58
She was there, he just. He caught up, he caught up, he
37:00
caught up very easily. But also, how did you find which
37:04
room she. Was in also.
37:05
It was his one job. I think it was what?
37:08
You're just gonna leave her there and just hope for the
37:10
best? He was at the year old brothel
37:13
he was about to get it in. And he was about to stack West,
37:16
yeah. He realised.
37:17
No wonder he was livid. He's like, I've been fucking raw
37:20
dogging my hand for days. He's.
37:22
Like he was horny, he was about to have a different room book
37:27
next door. Damn.
37:30
Honestly I feel bad for him. He was about to get that year
37:33
old sponge bath. Do you reckon he?
37:38
No. You know what I would give this
37:40
book though? You remember when, like, we
37:42
watched The Witcher and yeah, Gerald was always stinky, Always
37:46
stinky. Never heard a bar.
37:47
Every couple of chapters she'll be like, he's just fresh out of
37:50
the bath, fresh shaved. I'm like, we get a girl, he's a
37:52
clean man. But also pick a scent.
37:54
Why was there $0.10 in the scent profile?
37:57
I don't wanna hear about Pinewood.
37:59
The cedar, the cinnamon, the fucking.
38:01
Mint, hear me out, hear me out maybe.
38:03
He's a lush, girly and he's got like a rack of different soaps.
38:08
Right. He's like, this is actually just
38:10
the Christmas soap you're smelling.
38:11
But then she was saying that's like his natural scent.
38:14
I'm like yeah, fucked. Essential oils.
38:16
No man smells like melts. Sorry, sorry.
38:18
So he's diseased. So nasty so.
38:21
It's got a nasty. It could be in the disease Pong.
38:26
I don't even remember that conversation.
38:28
He was like, girl, the park, it's dangerous to be out here.
38:31
Ho, he was like, I'm taking you back.
38:33
I think I've got some. He was like, you're a fucking
38:36
what? Is it dramatically telling me he
38:39
was like God? Hello.
38:41
Hello, my Queen. And me is like this one.
38:45
Are you horny? Are you here for me?
38:50
What can I do to make you forget this?
38:52
Titties out. Titties unfilled.
38:57
She's like, give me a minute. I just need to untie the my
39:00
feet. She turns around dramatically.
39:05
She's like what? It's only taken me a couple of
39:07
minutes, he's actually gone and come back.
39:10
At this point he was like, I leave you for four days and you
39:13
can't stay put. You're without a doubt the
39:16
biggest pain in my arse I've ever met and that's it.
39:20
Yeah, he's a cranky man. Meanwhile her dad says worse to
39:23
her all the time so like this isn't even pinging for her.
39:26
She's like, cool. My dad told me that last time.
39:30
Actual she's like get. Creative.
39:32
At least she's like. Didn't even touch the size bed.
39:38
You didn't know my she's like, you were there when my sister
39:41
tried to murder me last week, right?
39:43
But also please hold because my stinky onion soup.
39:45
That's right. Shame.
39:50
Do you eat in front of him? She was just sitting.
39:54
She's working in the corner. She was ready to chow down.
39:58
I feel like she's going to have onion bras.
40:00
I feel like she was like, did you kind of want some?
40:02
Like you're going to just go downstairs and get your own.
40:08
Like I I paid for mine, I'm not paying for yours.
40:12
What was her actual plan though, 'cause as if she was gonna
40:14
survive out the world. I can't remember.
40:16
What she was fucking doing? I think she was looking for a
40:18
library. Just like the books go, she
40:22
honestly doesn't have a plan that she would need to be
40:25
rescued anyway. Oh my God the way she just walks
40:29
around asking people to like they haven't signed the best NDA
40:32
of their life. Yep, they're giving Disney a run
40:35
for their money I feel like. Honestly, but I don't even know
40:39
what. He moves into our room.
40:41
He's like, where else am I going to sleep?
40:42
Did you have a shitter room or did you have no room?
40:46
Where were you staying originally, my guy?
40:48
I feel like he didn't get to that part yet surely?
40:50
Surely, surely you have more money than hers, so you could go
40:54
get a room for two. I'm saying, I'm saying.
40:57
She goes willingly though. She's like, sure.
40:59
What? I'll go.
41:00
Back. I've just watched you sleep on
41:02
my fault. Well, to be fair, this is when
41:04
they were attacked by all them barrel walls.
41:07
She's running with the librarian, can't remember her
41:10
name. Caitlin.
41:11
Caitlin, Kathlin. No idea.
41:14
Not a not a clue girl so jealous she gets the innkeeper killed,
41:18
she's running, she gets her head bitten off by a wolf, and then
41:22
he only decides to trust her after shooting the wolves.
41:26
What else was she? Supposed this is when I was
41:28
like, this is definitely the Witcher because I already was
41:30
like that. But I was like, he's just
41:32
sitting there fighting a whole heap of wolves.
41:34
It's on his own. It's what he do, baby.
41:36
It's what he do. He's just saving the little
41:38
village he's like happened to be in.
41:39
And then she's kind of like, are the monsters tracking me or him?
41:44
Oh yeah, she's confused. Yeah, she's kind of like who's
41:46
after who, but she doesn't know anything about the bigger
41:49
picture shit anyway. No.
41:51
Because no one's told her fuck and no one wants to.
41:54
This is when she's like, oh, they're actually crazy.
41:56
She's like, I didn't realize they were so smart right around
41:59
after all of this. He's drunk, right?
42:01
The Loki put in a like a like a spoiler, and I'd only seen it
42:05
when I was getting my notes ready.
42:07
But it's something like, where is it?
42:10
She's like, why do you keep calling me Sparrow?
42:12
And I'll just yield up the sparrows And he's like, it's
42:14
because you're a bird. Which in context for the ending.
42:17
No idea. No idea.
42:19
OK. When we get to the ending, I'll
42:20
let you know. OK, Thank.
42:21
You thank God it's all Blair. It's all a Blair for you.
42:25
It's all a Blair after this. Was it then?
42:28
No, it might have been before this when it was finally
42:31
revealed about Xavier and Jocelyn.
42:33
So I think they ride back to the fortress at some point.
42:36
I don't know if it's from this town to this one.
42:39
And this is where she has like a couple of special moments with
42:43
Ransom on the she doesn't know his name yet, I don't think.
42:46
But she frothing out the bit being on the horse with this man
42:49
and she feels a bit guilty. So she goes and sees Saviour and
42:52
this is where he is fucking Jocelyn.
42:56
Jocelyn straight up. And this is when I was like.
42:58
You. Piece of shit Jocelyn, because
43:01
even if you don't like a, don't fuck a Like why is everyone
43:05
fucking her husband's behind about?
43:07
And but also Jocelyn thought they were dead arse married.
43:10
Yes, so I did. So at the end of the day, she
43:13
didn't know that they weren't together.
43:16
Married. Yeah, that's what's weird about
43:18
it. I'm like, girl.
43:19
Like, do you hate her that much? And she didn't even really
43:22
apologize either. Well, that's.
43:23
The plot to us, I fucking hate it.
43:25
I was like, ill, that's gross. You've got Jocelyn trying to
43:28
fuck your husband has fucked your husband behind your back.
43:31
Well, they were having a full affair by then, yeah, so it's
43:35
not just a one off. And I like, like, I know we
43:37
think Odessa's a bit stupid, but by this time, she was making
43:42
sure Jocelyn and that had proper accommodation.
43:44
She was trying to get them home. She was constantly telling them,
43:47
like, I'm going to get you home. She was looking after them as
43:51
much as a Princess could, I suppose.
43:53
And she was trying to make less work for them.
43:55
And then you've got this bitch going behind your back and
43:57
fucking your husband. Yeah.
43:59
If you thought he was taking, what benefit would it be for you
44:01
to bang him? He's not going to make you
44:04
queen. No, like it's too late.
44:05
He's or. She was fucking some other guy
44:08
and then the other guy bringing him in, but also at the same
44:10
time with Xavier. You're trying to keep the secret
44:13
from her. Why fuck her handmaid?
44:14
Mm hmm. You could pick any other girl.
44:17
Actual. I think they were fucking from
44:19
like the trip. Like I think.
44:21
Yeah, like it started. What I don't understand is like,
44:23
why was Odessa then pissing, crying, sliding down a wall when
44:27
you knew that he wouldn't even give you eye contact?
44:30
Like, let's be for real. Well, when they were travelling
44:33
right, she I had a little mini, but I don't know if you remember
44:36
a little mini mental breakdown. She was in a loveless marriage
44:39
and she was like, all I want is to be in a loving marriage.
44:42
So when Tiller and her husband were making out, she's like,
44:45
that's all I wanted. And I think she was really trunk
44:48
on a tribe work hard towards having a proper marriage with
44:51
this man and also everyone's fucking lying to her.
44:53
She was probably like, this is the only real thing.
44:56
Is this man married to her and then you've got him literally
45:00
fucking her handmade? But if this was Love Island, you
45:03
know, because he's not even pulling you for chats.
45:06
No, he's not pulling you for chat.
45:07
Pulling you for a chat. And not even a cheese planter at
45:10
this point. He's not even keeping up with
45:12
the whisper of the idea that this is a real marriage.
45:16
So I'm like, you've got Zero and Loki.
45:18
She was internally frothing. Because then she could do stuff
45:20
with the Guardian and let's be. Right.
45:22
I think that's why she was like, I think she was really upset
45:25
because she was like, I'm married to this man, he's
45:27
cheating on me. I'm not.
45:29
I don't think she would be allowed to cheat.
45:31
I think she's. Like not allowed to do anything.
45:33
She's not allowed to do anything so she's like, great, I'm stuck
45:36
in this fucking other country in a loveless marriage with a man
45:39
cheating on me and living his life.
45:41
No one's digging me down. No one's digging me down.
45:44
No one's giving her the time of day.
45:46
The one man who is giving her the time of day is his best
45:49
friend. Who she has to kill?
45:51
Yes, I think she's rightfully spiraling.
45:54
Yeah, but this is when she finds out that Xavier is in fact not
45:58
her husband. And then she's only devastated
46:01
for about 5 minutes. And then she's like, wait, what?
46:04
And then she's backtracking and she goes, oh, the guardian was
46:07
the person who said words in the ceremony, yes, blah blah blah
46:10
blah blah blah. Which if they're keeping the
46:14
marriage to Xavier from the general public anyway, what was
46:17
the point of doing this whole decoy switcheroo bullshit?
46:20
There was no point, sorry. Yeah, well, true.
46:25
Who knows? It was for the.
46:26
Plot. It was for the.
46:27
Plot for the yearning. It was for the yearning soul
46:30
ties, if you will. And then she kicked Jocelyn
46:33
right out of there. She's like, get the fuck back on
46:36
the boat. She's like Howard.
46:38
The bit that pissed me off is that the next part was
46:42
essentially an entire backlog dumping.
46:46
All of it was. And it was just in conversation.
46:49
And this is sad because I would never beg for this, but I was
46:52
begging for a flashback. I was like, please display this
46:56
in a way that makes me give a fuck.
46:58
Yeah. It was like, oh, so and so.
46:59
It's actually related to so and so.
47:00
And then my dad did this, and then fucking Garrett's uncle did
47:04
this fucking. And I'm like, shut up.
47:07
I'm serious. I hate flashback.
47:10
But I hate flashbacks. But this was worse.
47:13
Yeah. He was just dialoguing the
47:15
entire back story from millennia ago.
47:17
What does she even do at this point?
47:18
Because she obviously he knew that she was trying to kill him
47:22
and get information, so that was pointless.
47:24
Well, he was. Asking her questions all the
47:26
time to see if her opinion changed.
47:28
And then it was revealed eventually through the hints
47:31
that the librarian chick or whatever was trying to give her.
47:34
Yeah, that the origin of the Lysa was like his mom.
47:38
Yeah. And I'm like a.
47:40
Killer was the librarians friendship to a lie as well
47:44
because she was just using her as a way to tell someone she was
47:48
under a blood oath. Yeah, I feel like Loki.
47:51
I would. I would have died.
47:54
Using. Her.
47:54
I would have drowned myself at this point.
47:57
But she didn't put any of it together.
47:59
No, but she was, so they didn't either.
48:02
When you really think about it. You had all these people around
48:05
her that had been working on it for years and they didn't work
48:08
it out, and she worked it out a lot quicker.
48:10
So at least fresh eyes, I suppose.
48:13
Turns out his mum decided to poison her son.
48:17
Yeah, and now he's going batshit crazy.
48:19
Obviously like mom suck, Mom would suck.
48:22
No way. Who needs a mum?
48:24
To have a positive. Women with children.
48:26
Horrible, terrible. Yeah.
48:28
Every time in these kind of books, it's always an evil
48:31
feminine, you know, origin of what's going wrong.
48:33
Well. You should have started off in A
48:36
and I want to save my children underway so.
48:38
And then she's got to like support Ransom through this.
48:42
Oh God, so fucking weird. It was like family therapy,
48:44
one-on-one. And I was like.
48:46
You've got to, you've got to support Ransom through this and
48:49
then you've got Evie disappearing at the same time.
48:52
And why do you have to mediate all this shit?
48:53
And now it's all a family affair because obviously Xavier's
48:55
cousins with fucking Ransom and you're just.
48:58
Like and then Evie's ransom sister, that's his mom cheat us.
49:04
It never ends. Evie's trying to escape every
49:06
fucking 2 seconds like she's not going to get killed.
49:09
This is when they start fucking and everything.
49:10
Anyway so they do eventually sleep together for hours but
49:14
they go through all of that and then after that they get
49:17
attacked by the barrel wolves that rampage the fortress.
49:22
And then not long after that the king shows up.
49:26
Turns out the king wants to kill his ex-wife.
49:29
Valid. She cheated.
49:30
She cheated cheater pumpkin eater.
49:32
So I feel like he's somewhat valid even though he's batshit
49:38
crazy. But also.
49:39
Why do we get this Side Story exactly?
49:41
You know what I mean Like why are we supposed to care?
49:42
There's. Already so much.
49:44
There's already like confusion about where how we're supposed
49:48
to feel about the main plot leveling these side plots.
49:51
I was like, the plot twists never fucking end in this book
49:53
either because we go from this, we find out that's his mum, and
49:58
then we've got Barnaby back with the king.
50:02
He's come to get his wife and you're like, she's married to
50:06
someone else. Turns out her other inmate was
50:10
also fucking her other husband, right?
50:12
So it's just like, Oh my God, the betrayal never ends.
50:15
Betrayal never ends. I'm like, I think her name was
50:18
Brielle. She ended up being the dumbest
50:20
bitch anyway. So after all of that, Barnaby
50:23
decides he needs to kill Podessa to get back at the Guardian
50:28
because she's now with the guardian.
50:30
I think she tried to kill the king or stop him from killing
50:33
the mum. And then they have the big ass
50:36
fucking crux migration. Is that not just a big ass
50:40
magpie? Are they just not worried about
50:42
this big ass 300K magpie? I'm already.
50:45
Scared of that shit, I mean, true.
50:47
But also why are they coming to kill everyone?
50:50
That's confusing to me. Yeah, what was the time?
50:55
Why now? They migrate, so the whole plot
50:58
of the book is then building to bury themselves underground
51:01
because of these big ass fucking birds.
51:03
So they've got this bird ripping everyone apart.
51:06
You've got Barnaby trying to kill Odessa, then Xavier tries
51:11
to save Odessa and get stabbed in the stomach, and then
51:14
Barnaby's killed, and then Brielle's just standing out
51:16
there like a whining little bitch.
51:19
He's dead. She pulls the knives out and
51:20
she's like, I'm just going to get killed by the Crocs.
51:22
Do you not have any other will to live?
51:24
No, she's double down for the man.
51:27
It's double down for the man, all right.
51:28
Des is trying to save Evie. They've just left this girl in
51:32
charge of Evie Guardian somewhere.
51:34
Tiller's pregnant, running around like a crazy mad woman.
51:38
Her husband's legs are ripped off.
51:40
I'm like, there's, we're in like the last couple of chapters.
51:42
There's like, there's so much going on at the same time.
51:46
Odessa just gets taken by the vosser.
51:48
He's like, you're coming with me.
51:50
And then the crux turns out to be a ginger woman.
51:54
So like. Oh no.
51:58
So this is where I'm like, clearly Odessa's mum is a crux,
52:03
right? So earlier when I was like, he
52:05
kind of spoiled it is because they're birds.
52:07
Did he know she was part crux or did he not know and he was just
52:11
going along with the Sparrow thing?
52:13
I feel like everyone in this book knows everything but her,
52:15
SO he knew. Chances are, but we're also
52:18
coming from her brain, so like she knows nothing, so we know
52:22
nothing. Terrible.
52:23
Who am I even rooting for if all these?
52:25
Characters suck. This fucking big ass bird is
52:27
just ripping people apart. The mum's dead, the King's
52:30
decided he actually doesn't want her to die so he's tried to kill
52:33
her like 5000 times while crying that she was just murdered.
52:36
I was like, it's very. It's like This is why you came
52:40
here. This is what you wanted to do
52:41
for whole purpose. Like we find out about
52:45
everyone's betrayal and then they all just die.
52:47
Yeah I'm mad about the husbands. Was this girl never meant to get
52:51
her own husband? Like she kept getting married
52:54
off to people right? And then her handmaids just kept
52:57
fucking them. Leave her be.
52:59
But I also don't understand the crux thing.
53:01
Why are these random ginger haired women trying to kill the
53:04
universe? They're probably pissed.
53:07
Pissed about war? Probably being like, I don't
53:10
know, like there's probably some kind of witch trials that
53:12
happened and then. They just go around.
53:14
But then if the crux is random people, are all the other
53:17
monsters random people too? Yeah, I don't know.
53:19
I don't know the. There's too many thoughts.
53:22
The parameters of this shit, I'm going to say yes.
53:25
I'm going to say there's people because why did that one eyed
53:30
wolfy thing want to kill him so bad?
53:31
You know what I mean? Like there's got to be
53:32
something. Yeah, like what?
53:33
Did you do to him? Yeah.
53:34
What did you do? Why is he so?
53:36
I feel like that's a people. Like that, he was like, they're
53:39
so dumb and I'm like, are they? Because they didn't seem that.
53:41
Dumb. Oh, it's like he's he's tracking
53:44
you down because he hates you, my guy.
53:45
Actual, I think there's reasons. He's going eye for eye.
53:50
I think the funny theme towards the end was the whole him trying
53:55
to prepare her for his death with the disease and everything,
53:58
and her being like Oh my God, no, I love him now.
54:02
I love him. You agreed to kill him.
54:04
Yeah, but. When he finally let her know
54:08
about the Xavier fake Prince thing, he immediately the next
54:13
day was like trying to be all lovey dovey with her.
54:16
Like there was a bit where he was holding her hand and
54:18
refusing to let her not hold it. And he was like, you've never
54:21
held my hand before, so you don't know.
54:23
If you don't like it, it's like. I trust you now, so you must
54:26
trust me immediately. But also I'm like, what was the
54:29
point of trying to get her to hate you?
54:31
It wasn't the random husband. You were doing that because you
54:34
were going to die. So.
54:36
Now he doesn't care. Now he doesn't Care now.
54:37
He's like fuck your feelings. Who cares about Odessa's
54:40
feelings? Everyone.
54:40
He's like, fuck your feelings, I want to get it in, yeah.
54:43
And then he's also sneaking out of her room because Evie sneaks
54:46
into her room. So I'm like, that's a lot of
54:48
work. It wasn't really like insta
54:51
feelings, but it was very surface.
54:54
I feel like insta feelings in the background.
54:56
Definitely from him. I hate it when they do that.
54:59
I don't mind it, but I when they're a bit mean to, they also
55:03
were probably on the road for about two months when you think
55:06
about it, so it's not. But at least make that
55:08
interesting. Yeah, make some of that more
55:10
interesting between them, not the back story of these stupid
55:13
characters I don't care about. Valid.
55:16
There was a lot going on, that's for sure.
55:18
Yeah, we definitely got bang for our buck for plot lines.
55:20
I. Actually didn't hate.
55:22
It eh, I feel like maybe if there was less plot lines at
55:24
once. Yeah, like maybe.
55:26
Face it, out into different books.
55:28
Maybe I'm also used to it. You're not really a fantasy
55:30
reader, so. Yeah, not, not as many at once.
55:32
Yeah, not as many twists that are the same twist I everyone
55:36
betrays her. Yeah, ohh, yeah.
55:38
I'm like damn. Like 10 betrayals at once.
55:42
Like I'm like. But The thing is, they're all
55:44
doing it separately, not together.
55:46
That's. What I mean, it's kind of like.
55:47
Damn, you must be a bad person. It would be good if there was
55:50
less betrayals and maybe one person surprising her in a good
55:53
way like. But the betrayals kind of pissed
55:56
me off too, you know, like for her kind of way, 'cause I was
55:59
like, just let her have a break. It's.
56:00
Exhausting. I've never read a book where
56:02
there were so many. So also at the same time they
56:05
were plot twists, 'cause I'm like, surely there wouldn't be
56:07
another one and then another one would come out and I'm like.
56:10
Damn, yeah, you're just like, oh.
56:12
I would have yeated myself off a wall if that was me actual.
56:17
I'm too lazy for that. But she's also got that element
56:21
of delulu where it's almost like she she's so used to it that she
56:24
doesn't even. Care she doesn't give a fuck,
56:26
she's like ohh another one. You reckon she's got like this
56:29
list in her head? I don't think she's very like
56:31
vengeful though. You know what though?
56:33
It doesn't matter because seemingly all them people got
56:35
taken out slowly over time. The universe really be
56:39
providing. I was like, they all betrayed
56:41
her. Jocelyn got taken out
56:42
immediately when that crux landed, the mum got taken out as
56:46
well. Barnaby and Brielle got taken
56:48
out. Xavier technically got taken
56:50
out. She doesn't know if Ransom's
56:53
alive, so in her mind, they've all just been cleaned out.
56:56
You know what did they even do? Like all you then have is your
56:59
stupid dad and your. I'll be like, take them.
57:02
I'll be like, EW, it's kind of like cliffhanger ending.
57:05
Yeah, right. Because.
57:06
She doesn't know. Well, she doesn't know.
57:08
She's off to nowhere, he doesn't know where she is, and then this
57:11
random ginger woman is lying on the ground dead.
57:13
So. Right.
57:15
And then it ends with his little chapter, can't remember what the
57:19
fuck it's. Just it's just him burning
57:21
bodies, I think. Summary.
57:23
He's like, I'm going to get my wife and that's it.
57:25
So yeah. If there's not swashbuckling,
57:28
I'm not watching. I'm not reading the Shakuman.
57:31
I'm reading the Shakuman I love. She has to change the whole
57:33
theme because I'm pirate. Deprived I do a pirate with gold
57:39
tooth I go. I know it's just like, wow.
57:42
There's so many, I will give her this.
57:44
She did put a lot in there. Yeah.
57:46
So you're getting your money's worth.
57:47
And there's a still, like, I still personally have a lot of
57:49
questions. Who was her mother?
57:51
Why is she dead? Why did Margot hate her mother?
57:54
Where did Margot come from? Yep.
57:56
And then you've got everything else.
57:58
I don't even know what I hope happens to her.
58:00
There's so much going on I don't.
58:01
Even know where she's going, just surfboard in the waves.
58:04
Like just. She's getting her answers
58:06
slowly. Yeah.
58:08
She's getting to that. The capital girl.
58:10
At least she's she's on a horse on the way there.
58:12
At least she decided she wanted the answers for herself.
58:16
That's a slight character development.
58:18
Instead of her just being like, I'll just keep trying to kill
58:21
him. I'm like, I'll just keep trying
58:23
to be. She was like, he's too hot to
58:25
kill. She at least accepted she's a
58:27
bad spy. She's like, oh, she got humbled.
58:30
She got humbled. He knew immediately.
58:33
Yeah. So what would you what should we
58:35
rate this out of I? Have no thoughts how?
58:39
Many onion soups out of how many stinky?
58:45
Stinky Galaxy onion. No beef Stew.
58:48
Yes, How many I? Liked it I reckon A33 to 4.
58:54
I would say 2 because only because I just didn't have the
58:58
attention span for it at the time I was ready and that's it.
59:00
That's on me. It's.
59:01
So funny because in my even though I said 3-4 I'm would
59:05
probably put it A5 like I'm all over the shop.
59:08
Because we bitch about it. I think sometimes when we talk
59:12
about it, I'm like, oh, it's actually a lot worse.
59:13
But when I was reading it, I really enjoyed it.
59:17
That's good. Someone.
59:18
Needs to recommend colour a book like a romantic see that is
59:22
Pirates Pirates Pirates with no dialogue and no phone.
59:27
Dialogue. I don't want anyone looking,
59:30
don't want anyone speaking to each other.
59:31
They're just eyeballing each other.
59:33
I. Love when they speak to each
59:34
other except when I. Love Dialogue?
59:36
I love that and I'm like shut the fuck up.
59:38
Except when it's cringy and I'm like, oh you should have kept
59:41
that thought on the inside. You need dialogue, otherwise
59:44
there's no connection to the characters.
59:46
Yes, yeah, we'll see. I'll give it a 2.
59:49
That's OK 2. Stinky onion soups.
59:51
Out of mines, open-ended, I'm not sure.
59:53
Yeah, 3:00 to. Five.
59:54
That's a pretty good school. Three or five business days.
59:57
3:00 to 5:00 is a good Let's just even get out as a full.
1:00:02
So it's your pick next? Yes.
1:00:04
Do you have anything in mind? Yes.
1:00:06
No. OK, good slay.
1:00:08
Before you get hauled off into an arranged marriage you
1:00:11
definitely did not sign up for, we have one tiny favour to ask.
1:00:14
Take a moment now to leave us a five star review on whatever
1:00:18
platform you're using. Your review and comments help us
1:00:20
creep up invisibility. Don't forget to send this
1:00:24
episode to any of your friends who totally deserve to be
1:00:26
dragged into this messy fantasy world with the rest of us.
1:00:31
Thanks for joining us on Lose the Plot with Carla and Emily.
1:00:34
Don't forget to rate US five stars and subscribe if you
1:00:36
enjoyed slide into our DMS on TikTok or Instagram Lose the
1:00:40
Plot podcast.