Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Spring Series: What You Need to Know About the Enneagram Nine! | Hazel Wong

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Spring Series: What You Need to Know About the Enneagram Nine! | Hazel Wong · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Have you found yourself saying, Why do they get so worked up?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'll just take care of it tomorrow.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: The more they urge me to agree, the more I want to do the opposite.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure if it's worth the effort.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_02: It probably won't make a difference anyway.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: If these are something you would say, or something a loved one might say, you might be a nine, or no, an Enneagram 9.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: I want to invite you to join me on a journey of self-discovery and compassion to learn insights about the personality type, often known as the peacemaker, the serenity seeker, the comfortable companion, and the conflict avoider.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: If you know a 9 or want others to know more about the Enneagram 9 personality type, go ahead and follow that prompting to share this podcast episode with them.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Just use the platform's share features so this episode can give others an opportunity to learn more about the invaluable contributions of the Enneagram 9.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: Hello and welcome to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted living coach.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm so glad that you stopped by to spend some time with me.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: Are you curious about the Enneagram?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to learn biblical truths?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: And have you wondered if there are life rhythms that will help you thrive?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Fred, you are in the right place.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: For six years, this podcast has focused on sharing conversations with my friends about life, business, motherhood, faith, and all things Enneagram from a Christian perspective.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: I truly understand what it's like to juggle everything as a wife, mom to three teenagers, a pup, and all while building a growing business.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: And friend, I haven't always done things with clarity, peace, or joy.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_02: But still, the Lord has taken my broken-hearted pieces and healed them so I can live with whole-hearted rhythms.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Provide women like you with a step-by-step process so you can get free of anxiety, shame, and frustrations that might be holding you back from thriving.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: I pray that the Lord speaks to you as you listen today and that you would invite your friends and family to join the fun conversations.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: Are you ready to laugh a little and learn a whole lot?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Alrighty, let's get to the conversation.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: What do you need to know about the Enneagram 9?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Well, friend, we need way more time than the time we want to give in this one sitting because the nuances of each Enneagram type are as plentiful as there are rooms in an IKEA store.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: But this episode is going to offer some highlights to help you understand more about the perspective of a 9.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: As we dive in today, I want you to know that if you want more Enneagram or specific Enneagram 9 resources, I have got you covered.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: You can head to the show notes as you listen for podcast recommendations and other resources that I've created over the years.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: In this specific episode, I'm going to share unique traits and insights about this easy-going personality.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then you're going to hear a firsthand account of an Enneagram 9 and her experience of the self-discovery and wholehearted process.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: Last, I want you to listen to the end because Deanna Sudum, a wholehearted collective coach, is going to finish this episode with a scripture and prayer specifically for you as an Enneagram 9 or a loved one that is an Enneagram 9.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Now, what does an Enneagram 9 typically look like as a child?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oftentimes they are well-behaved and conflict-avoidant children.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: They may have a habit of tuning out, especially when the home felt chaotic or loud.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: If a nine has siblings or grew up with siblings, they may identify with the feeling of being ignored, especially if their siblings needed special or extra attention.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Or maybe they were just more assertive than them.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: They also enjoyed being included in a small group of peers and preferred that usually over the larger groups of friends or crowds of similar age children.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: As the nine begins their way in the world, they have a natural capacity to be intuitive to others' viewpoints, but this often forms the habit of minimizing their own desires, opinions, and even self-compassion.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: Over time, they may have learned to express love and hold space for others at the expense of inner peace, which may have led to unconscious or repressed resentment and anger.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: Eventually, a nine's default is to resist expressing themselves, including irritations, because they fear it is not loving.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: Their desire to maintain peace internally and externally grows as a nine continues to move through the world.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: They prefer to preserve things as they are to avoid conflicts and tension.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: This may lead them to merge with others, ignore their true feelings or opinions, or even conflict that needs to be resolved.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: These behaviors are often at odds with their fear of being overlooked, shut out, or in a relationship full of strife.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: The nine's decision-making strength associates them with what is known as the gut triad.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: Those are types eight, nine, and one.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: They often have a gut reaction immediately, essentially a visceral response, and then they incorporate feelings or thinking afterward.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: They also strongly desire justice, fairness, and control over the outcome.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: Their reaction when things are deemed unjust, unfair, or under someone else's control may lead them to a struggle with anger.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: While the nine struggle with anger seems incongruent with the name Peacemaker, this is because a nine typically denies or numbs their anger.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: They'll typically choose to avoid conflicts or just pacify them or ignore them altogether.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: But eventually their anger may erupt like a volcano, especially when they've been imposed upon for too long or denied their frustrations again and again.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: The nine's communication preference falls within the withdrawing stance of the Enneagram, which means their strength is being mindful of the past.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: They tend to think, what should I have done differently?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: They are likely to dwell on what caused them unrest or disunity with others, and this can lead them to tune out or daydream instead of engaging in the present, which needs their focus of attention.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: When it comes to getting inertia or momentum going, it's essential to understand that the nine is doing repressed.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, that sounds so insulting, right?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Because here's the deal: a nine is doing things all the time.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: And they're even writing lists, lots of lists, even.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: But frequently they are working from the middle of the list or even the bottom of the list, which tends to create frustration.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: The nines must be cognizant of their tendency to label their current situation as chaotic or full of strife just because it's not totally calm or something's slightly disagreeable.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: The invitation is to actively create a solution by way of voicing their opinion and offering possibilities.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: When faced with loss and grief, the nine may naturally grieve what has happened in the past.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: So in the face of loss, in the midst of loss, they may experience delayed grief.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: But later on, when they have the space and time to reflect, they may find themselves being surprised by their grief, or it could even catch others off guard by the grief they're experiencing now that maybe others have dealt with long ago.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_02: And it feels like it's grief that's happening months later after the events.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like all Enneagram types, the nine's wings are on either side of its number on the symbol or Enneagram diagram.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: The Enneagram Nine Wing Eight are often more outgoing, assertive, and authoritarian, and may struggle between being confrontational and resisting conflict.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: The Enneagram Nine Wing One is more introverted, orderly, idealistic, possibly critical of themselves, emotionally controlled, focused and compliant.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: When a nine's triggers are activated, they may self-sabotage and engage the low side of the six, becoming testy, anxious, and worried.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: Mild-mannered nines hide in busy work to distract themselves and may even become forceful with their opinions and inadvertently push others away.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: When a nine practices rhythms of engaging in stillness, it teaches restraint, which may seem the opposite of what a nine needs.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: But pay close attention here.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because in restraint, this is when they can discern what the Lord is compelling them to do, no longer pursuing idealistic harmony, feeding the lies that they believe about not being valuable or not mattering to those around them.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: And when a nine deliberately consents to stillness, they discover their true intention and what emotions lie beneath the surface.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: It is in stillness that they can acknowledge their desire to make a difference, and they encounter Jesus, the true peacemaker.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: As they engage in the presence of God, they receive the truth that their presence matters to our Heavenly Father.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: Their broken-hearted moments are transformed into wholehearted healing as they declare and believe these truth statements.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: May I be present, may I own my value, may my inner peace be the difference maker.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: I love that A.J.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: Sherrill advises Enneagram Nines to observe the spiritual rhythm of fixed hours of prayer, also known traditionally as the Liturgy of the Hours.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: Whether this looks like a set hour at three significant time markers of the day or just whatever works for your schedule, this is the specific upstream practice to transform their tendency of slothfulness into action.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: In addition to spiritual rhythms, here are practical tips for an Enneagram 9 to remember.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: First, express your needs directly instead of waiting to be asked.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: And no passive-aggressive behavior.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Second, be intentional with your priorities by focusing on the top three essential tasks each day and building in accountability and rewards when you accomplish them.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: And third, practice declaring your opinion.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: Even if it seems silly or insignificant, this exercises the belief that your presence matters.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: Now, I'd love for you to meet an Enneagram 9 friend of mine.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to introduce you to one of my clients and an amazing woman that is part of this wholehearted community, Hazel Wong.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: I am so grateful that we met back in 2021.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, our meeting via email itself was such a marker of growth, specific to an Enneagram 9.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: If you didn't know, I have an Enneagram guide for moms.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's been out for several years, and it's one of my little product babies that I am very proud of.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, it's totally free, though I've been told I need to charge for it.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: But Hazel was one of the first, maybe one of the first hundred who downloaded this guide.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: And it may have even been before the whole hearted summit in 2021.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Regardless, she downloaded this guide and was excited to dive in.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: But as she was reading about the Enneagram 9, well, something didn't look right.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, she noticed that most of the information listed under the Enneagram 9 chapter looked very similar to the Enneagram 8 chapter.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, this was confusing.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe just like all the other women before her, she could have not said anything.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: And let me go on sharing a resource that wasn't fully completed.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: But in that moment, Hazel decided to be a difference maker.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: So she emailed me, of course, with such kindness and sandwiched the correction or the glaring error, if you will, and said, I love this resource.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's so beautiful.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: But help me understand the Enneagram 9 chapter looks a lot like the Enneagram 8.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, I was horrified at this oversight on my part because sure enough, when I looked at what had been attached to all those emails going out, it was the wrong version of my Enneagram guidebook for moms.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, I was so grateful for Hazel in that moment.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: If she hadn't told me about this error, I would have been so sad to have continued to send out something that wasn't correct and wasn't a fully finished product.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: So of course, I quickly was able to remedy the situation and send her the correct guidebook, not to mention save hundreds, if not thousands, of women from experiencing the same disappointment that Hazel had experienced.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: So that began our conversation and it has also begun a long relationship that we have gotten to intersect at different junctures in her life.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'll let her tell you more about her story, but essentially we became email friends.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: She began to enjoy the wholehearted Enneagram Summit in 2021.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: She is a faithful listener to this podcast.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty soon she decided to do a special option that I had in 2022 to do a self-paced DIY version of my wholehearted coaching process.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: Through that, we we became friends on Foxer as I offered Voxer coaching through that process.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: I got to hear more about her story, her life, and process all the different questions with her.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: It was a true privilege.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: And then to make it even better and to sweeten the deal, Hazel has also decided to get her certification in Enneagram coaching.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so I have thoroughly enjoyed being a guide by the side in all of her process.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: I can't wait for you to meet Hazel in her own words and her own voice, all about the Enneagram 9.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, my name is Hazel Wong.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: I live in Hong Kong with my husband and two kids, currently 10 and 70 years old.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: And here is my wholehearted journey.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: I probably first heard about the Enneagram when I was in college, but didn't think much of it back then.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: If Maya's Briggs has 16 personality types and still can't quite capture all the nuances in different personalities, how could 9 types be enough?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Of course it didn't help that the strange-looking symbol looked so new agey.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Fast forward since 2019, I came across your Enneagram Coach in a Christian publisher's newsletter.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: I was interested in learning more about myself and how the Enneagram could be interpreted from a Christian perspective, so I took the test on YUC's website.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: The test results revealed that I'm a type 9, and after reading more materials and descriptions of the type, I was pretty confident that I landed on my type.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: The description of my type gave me vocabularies and new understanding of my motivation and the lies I believed in.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: It was a mixed feeling of finding comfort in being understood, and ashamed in being exposed.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the behaviors that I've adopted throughout the years, which I can even explain to my husband, suddenly made sense in light of the new knowledge I've gained through the Anneagram.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like avoiding saying no to invitations and requests, procrastinating, and not giving due credit to myself.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I started taking online courses from YEC to learn more about my type and the Anneogram generally, following Christian Anneogram teachers' Instagram accounts, and reading books like Marilyn Fansel's Self to Lose Self-Define.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've never thought of working with an Anneogram purge as I didn't know what to expect, and I told myself that I'm too far away and the time difference would make scheduling difficult.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Then I met Amy virtually, through the wholehearted AnneGram Summit in 2021, and found out that she offered online DIY coaching through video recordings and virtual access to her by email and Foxer.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Amy has such an endearing personality that it's hard not to like, and since I didn't have to schedule appointments with her, it seemed perfect for my situation.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I took the plunge and started working with her.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: As I said, I wasn't sure what to expect from coaching, but I was at a time fixing some issues with my work and relationship with a colleague.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: While working through the materials in the program, Amy guided me and posed specific questions relating to the issues I was facing.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: I gained clarity that I wouldn't have otherwise gained without somebody working alongside me.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: I guess it's true when they say you can't read the label from inside a bottle.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Coaching gave me new perspectives and helped me process what really was bothering me.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: It also forced me to vocalize my thoughts when oftentimes as a nine, I have difficulty speaking for myself.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Having a coach like Amy was like having a guide plus a cheerleader along the way.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: While I still sometimes struggle with work and career issues, and I'll have a healthier perspective on my relationship with my colleague and an awareness of the internal boundaries that I must put in place.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: Growth is a process, sometimes a painful one for comfort-loving nines.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm learning to be patient with myself and lean on God instead of my strength.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: He is the one who transforms.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because of all the growth I've gained from coaching, I took the plunge and became certified as an Energram coach myself last year, with a hope to pass the same encouragement on to others.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: While I'm not currently pursuing career in coaching, I'm applying the knowledge and tools I have learned in leading youth fellowship in church.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Type 9 friend.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: We thank you for your presence.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: It matters.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: You've been given space in this world.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: God does not make mistakes.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: You are needed.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Your voice is powerful in the kingdom of God.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for reflecting the peace of God.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: It says in Romans 12, 16 to live in harmony with one another.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do not be conceited.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: These are the things your heart desires.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your ability to see things from many perspectives helps you to be a safe space for many.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: But I sense that he wants to speak peace into your spirit, to remind you that suffering, disruption, or pain does not remove his ultimate peace.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so remember this from Romans 8:18.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Father, thank you for these peacemakers, these creators of harmony and holders of space.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, I ask that in the many places you call them to be supportive, they will be surrounded with the people needed to hold up their arms when they are weary.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just as Aaron and Her did for Moses to win the battle when he was tired.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let them bring the rock for our friend to sit on and to be held up ultimately by you, Lord.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: God, thank you for the way that they enjoy the simple pleasures in life, the way they show us how to find joy in small things.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Help their independent shine, Lord, to be a beacon in what you've given them to share with the world, and not to shrink back and hide in the shadows.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, help them to be confident and bold in conflict, knowing that you are their voice, and that they can trust you in this space that may be uncomfortable.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Create a space in their world that can be free from drama, friends that will walk with them and be an outlet that is safe.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Make known to them your ways, O Lord.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Teach them your paths, Father.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: We ask you to cover them.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Jehovah Shalom, Prince of Peace.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: If you're an Enneagram Nine, I truly hope that you feel loved, seen, and blessed by this episode.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm guessing if you know a nine, they would appreciate that you've taken time to learn more about how they view the world, and that they are so much more than a number.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: Be sure to share this episode with them and a message about how you value their serene and generous spirit.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: Next week will be what you need to know about the Enneagram one.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.