Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Crowd Work Pack_ Huntsville_ PT 2

Transcript

Crowd Work Pack_ Huntsville_ PT 2 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: That's a tragedy. What I got to pay to eat
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: a cow that can... Alabama, man. I swear to God. Trenton,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: you could have told me before I came out here.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I didn't have.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: To walk into a goddamn... slo-ler-coaster Yeah, I said a slow-ler-coaster.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I said that, but I said it,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: and this don't go backwards. It's just one linear direction.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I'm going to work from over here, and then we're
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: going to get over to here.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Cool?
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Christian, do you watch my videos? So you already know
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: how I be fucking with people?
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: No? Okay.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be sweet as I possibly can be.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Because my heart is too big for the setup that
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: you're doing.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: If this is your mom with you, Yeah, your mama
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: ain't shit. I want you to know that. Your mama, Christian,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: look at me. Your mama ain't shit. You hear me? Okay?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: She loves you a lot, but not enough because this
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: ain't no goddamn sense. This makes no sense. You bring
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: that goddamn baby in the front row in front of me.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Like I'm not a savage. This doesn't make no sense.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to work my way over here. What's
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: your name, mom? Rebecca, it is nice to meet you, Rebecca,
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: but yeah, you got to make better decisions in life.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Let's just start right here with this going. Yeah.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Okay. What's the story? Is this all one group or
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: is this everyone broke up? Okay. So who's the, are
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: you the table captain? You two? Just a couple right here? Okay.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: And then behind you looking away and scared? Yeah. You
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: don't want no, she's like, please, no. Okay. All right.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: You look like a Mexican Gina from Martin. Okay. And
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: then that's a couple right there. Okay.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: He's hiding behind your head as if he's saying like,
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: get her, but leave me out of this. And then
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: what about the pastor and the first lady right there?
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Is that, is that, is that a good read? You
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: look like you may actually be pressed down, shaking together
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: and running over with the anointed blood of Jesus. You've
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: been touched by the lamb, father God. Yes, you have
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: on this here good Sunday. We are all Christians today, Christian. Everyone,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: he was like, I'm sorry.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Fuck. I think I looked up slow. I'm not wrong.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: If you fall in the lion's pit and a lion
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: gets you, you don't be mad at the lion.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: You be mad at who fell. I'm the lion. Now,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: pass it. Are you a pastor? Well, you got to
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: change your look up. What do you do? Corporate finance.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Are you getting to this manan? What's that mean?
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: What's corporate finance? The people that do the work, you
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: help it be more profitable. You just be like, if
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: y'all go over there a little bit earlier, you'll make
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: a couple more dollars.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: So you get paid for nothing, really. You get the
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: people all riled up, and then they sound like a
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: pastor to me. Depend on your church. So you're not
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: a church lady?
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: You got the whole Burberry baby shower wrap, sweater top?
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: That's First Lady clothes. What do you do, ma'am? There
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: it is. Elementary school teacher? Outstanding. So what grade is your,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: or is it all of them? Fourth grade. Fourth grade.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: That's where you locked in. And what's your subject? Is
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: it all subjects or do you have a proficiency? Math
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: and science. Math and science. So you do the dissections
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: and stuff. Fourth grade is when they first let them
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: start fucking with the frogs.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: No?
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: What are your classes today? Who in your classes? What
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: kind of class is it? What kind of is it?
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: It's everybody.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: They don't split it up here. They just put everybody
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: in the same room here. That's Alabama for you. When
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: I grew up, they separate us. They separate us, you know.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: That's really my one complaint of adulthood is that they
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: don't label us no more.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Because when I was in school, you could tell who
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: was special, blessed. You could tell.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: They had a little name tag, a vest, a helmet, something.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Something.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: They had a different lunch. They got their food earlier
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: than you. If you didn't know, you was jealous. Like,
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: what the fuck they eating already?
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I'm a Christian.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Please, God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Christian. I don't like
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the face he made after that laugh, so that hurt
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: my goddamn feeling. I ain't making no more jokes about Christian.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Fuck that. I'm going to go sleep at the airport.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I'm leaving. Let's move on a little bit. Just a touch.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Let's talk to this white family right here. You guys
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: are family, right? Outstanding. That's a nice mustache. What are you,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: a policeman? Fireman? Neither one? With a mustache like that?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: What do you do? Alcohol and drug addiction rehabilitation.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Alcohol and drug addiction rehabilitation? Like, you teach that?
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Like... That's their program, ain't it?
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: You work at rehab with that mustache.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, man, the.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Teacher went that powder, man. Y'all can't see it, but
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: he got a goddamn Studio 81. And this is your
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: family here, then? Who's this young lady to you? Outstanding, boy,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: you did good, boy, because she looked good, and you struggling. No,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: because you really attractive, and he looked like a little
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: fist balled up. That's his face with a mustache on there. Alcohol,
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: drug addiction, I'm just out here doing my thing, baby.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: That was really funny if you looked at my hand
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: and not my face. I just want you to know that.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: So yeah, man, how did you, what the fuck? How
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: did you pull? We do a number. You did the
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: numbers joke. How do you pull an 8, 9, or
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: a 10 and you're a 2, 3, or 4?
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: You don't even know her. You're like, God is good.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I just keep showing up. Alright, well you look after him.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: He love you. And then who's this one with her?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Your who? His wife. Same thing. How does your ugly
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: a * * get this beautiful lady? He said, I
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: ain't I know that's right. You better eat that. You
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: better eat that.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: I don't know why I'm like that.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: He knew, though. He was like, shit.
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I do.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: My man. All right. So, couple, couple. Then another couple
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: right there. The two light-skins.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: Huh?
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: That's your husband. That's your real voice? Okay. Just checking.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Catch my head. It just sounds... Look, catch me outside.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Like you had that whole... So, it's all couples? These two?
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: That's new. Y'all... Just two big ashy... Like this. Okay.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Y'all kid, is that what you said? That's your brother. Okay.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: All right. Let me sit back down.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I was about to tell y'all.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Okay. Now y'all come on back, man. We waited on y'all.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Y'all a couple too? We just met a couple couples. Three,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: four really, but they.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: This Alabama, I heard about y'all. I don't want to
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: say nothing, but I had heard. And so y'all married?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Just a boyfriend, girlfriend?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: That's what's up.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: And so y'all love each other? Because y'all went to
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: the bathroom together, and that's different. Who actually had to
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: go to the bathroom?
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: You did? And he was like, you ain't going by yourself.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: All up in this. Hell no. These gay dudes ain't
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: here saying they're brothers. laugh don't try to.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Get serious he was like hold up man wait a
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: minute hold up man it's funny but y'all want me
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: to find you some women?
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I'm good at matchmaking. It's whatever. It's not going to
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: work if you're going to act too cool like that.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to just be you, baby. Okay. Now,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: who been single longer? Hello? Are y'all even single? Nine weeks. Months. Okay, okay.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: And then you? Six months. Okay. Are y'all even ready?
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Right, because we can just go to Boomer.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: We don't have to do this. I've been out here
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: a couple hours now.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: I started picking up. I like to get into the
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: city and do shit. I went to Miss Juju's last night.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: And left the parking lot. Like, that is a lot
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: of * * * standing outside.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I just wanted something to eat. That is too many people. What?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I knew if I went in and ordered and came out,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: they were going to be sitting on my car. Ain't
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: no * * * away. Excuse me, Mr. * * *, sir,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: could you please? Not me. I went back today, broad daylight.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: It was delicious. Some oxtails with some yellow rice. Whew, shit.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: That macaroni and cheese. It was a really wet plate, though.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Somebody need to call Juju and say, hey, man, that's
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: a lot of juice. It's juice juice. Anyways, I had
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: collard green gumbo. Gumbo collard greens. It had cabbage in it.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And dewy sausages. That kind of shit make me horny
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: a little bit.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: As a big dude, if you say a recipe slow
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: enough to me, I'll be hard by the time you get.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: To the end. Lightly brown the sausage. I'm like, do
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: what to it? Do what to it?
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: So we not going to find y'all women because y'all
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: too fresh. Y'all haven't been lonely long enough. You know
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: you're ready when your bed is cold. And, sir, you
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: can whisper. She right there.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Goddamn. Yeah, that shit, I like T.I.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: The old-fashioned is mine with the expeditious today. Yeah, you
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: got to be lonely for a man. You know, you
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: got to be real lonely. Cold bed, do the running man.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: And then you hold still and you feel the warmth
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: of the bed because there's nobody in your house. You
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: got to go grocery shopping by yourself and see all
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: the couples sharing grapes.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Man got to hit rock
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: bottom before we decide we're going to settle on down.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: So nine months and six months, we're going to have
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: to go ahead and wait a little longer.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Anybody else single, want some help? I can do my
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: shit for you. You right there with the Top Ramen
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Jerry Curl. Right there, the big light-skinned guy, you.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: That's your woman right there? Hell yeah. Y'all a big couple, huh?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Y'all beautiful, but y'all up there. Y'all ain't around. What
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: kind of truck you drive? GMC? I know you ain't
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: putting all that in no car. God damn. She pretty too, boy,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: you did good. Y'all just need to walk, that's all.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Just walk. About 40,000 steps a day, man. Y'all be...
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know how many that is. Maybe 10,000. I
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: see that on the internet. What's your name, sir? You're impressive. Gabriel.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Like the angel that fell from heaven? You weighed enough
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: to f * * * your wings up, huh? His
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: little wings are like, yeah, dang!
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: This nigga ate all the halos up here!
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: And the angel cake, don't forget that. I like my
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: angel hair noodles. I eat all the full heaven menu.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: So how did you meet your queen, man? Tender. Regular tender?
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Or chicken tender? I'm sorry. I apologize. Rule number three.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: I said you have to laugh like a pirate tonight.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I'm on one, man. I had a nap. I had
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: a nap today. I'm drinking this alcohol.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: So Christian, tender's a dating site, but if you put
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: chicken in front of it, it changes to chicken tender,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: like a long-ass chicken nugget. And since they overweight, I
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: thought it would be funny if I said chicken tender
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: instead of regular.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know either. I know. I know. He was like, baby.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I think you're beautiful. And I like that you
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: found love. How long you been together? Five years together.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Two years married.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Hell yeah. You got children? Yeah? No? Working on it?
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Want some? Thinking about it? Hell no. them kids. I
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: know that's right. Y'all fucked already. Like, y'all turn up.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah. What position, though, if you don't mind me?
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I do believe y'all can tear each other up, but
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: I'm just curious. Standing up, front and back. Hello? You
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: get on top of him? You bush. Y'all got a
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: lift in your bedroom or something? She said she's riding him.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: She's like... I'm sorry. That is crazy. But if that existed,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I'd get that even without.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: That just seemed like some fun. Having sex with one
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: of them claw machines. Alright, so you met on Tinder.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: How did you get her off the internet and into
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: your real life? What game did you spit? You from Memphis?
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: And he knew your family that already lived here? And
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: they were like, there's somebody out here that's perfect for you.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: And you were like, now. And then you met him
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: on Tinder anyway. So how did you, you just like
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: rizzed her up? You're like, maybe let's go She like
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: your hair? For real? So you like this hair? Nice.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: That's a sub. What y'all eat for lunch? Huh?
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: What's the best restaurant in Huntsville? The Korean barbecue with
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: the sushi revolving? That's where the sushi just be coming
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: by on a track in front of you?
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Endless.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: I always wondered what would happen if you just ate
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: everything before it went by.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Y'all gonna be together a long time. Now who is
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: that you with? You know them? That's your cousins or
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: your neighbors or something? Just a different couple. In the purple,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: brother with the vest. That's a couple right there, right?
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Are you looking away, sis? Is that what I'm looking at?
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: She's like, yes, I am not. F * * * that.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: All right, I won't get you. But you look nice.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: That's how I was going to give you a series
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: of compliments in a row. Maybe let's talk to the
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: older white man with the long hair and the guitar
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: that plays it in his garage that is in your drug.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: How you doing, man? I'm chilling.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: You got some serious ink, bro. Is that every knuckle?
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: What does it say right there across that? What's that say?
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Damn it?
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, I thought you said vampire. I was like, excuse me?
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: So it says family across your knuckles. So is this
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: your person? So that's who the tattoo is for?
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: You the family. I like that. It's different, though. You
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: don't usually see, like, rock and roll and R &
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: B together like this. You know what I mean? How
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: did y'all meet?
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: Like, y'all gotta have an interesting story. what was that
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: first sound you said through a friend.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: But there was a sound you made before you started
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: you were like did y'all hear that how did you
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: mean through a friend.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: You met through a friend but what was that sound
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: that's the part that I wanted to get at You
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: were like, no. It was so weird. Christian locked in
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: on you. Look, he was like, another one. So what
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: do you do? You look like you might work with
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: children or teach children as well. You got a nail tech. Oh,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: that's what that sound was. That was Vietnamese.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Ow. Oh, I met him a long time ago. So
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: you met him through other people?
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: They were like, man, you got to meet Trevor. He's
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: a sweetheart. He just skateboarded up.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Tell me what happened. Sir, I want to talk to you,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: because you're looking at her like, what you going to say?
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: You know that's not how we met. Don't it look
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: like he got the real story? He's like, you know
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: you was at Boomer's. I walked up, threw all my
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: money at you. What happened? She what?
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: She was afraid I was going to get her before
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: you got here? He knew I was going to get y'all.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: He knew.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: That motherfucker got on bright orange socks with Crocs on.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: He knew what he was doing.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: He set you up. They tried to set him in
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: the dark. He's like, no, no, we want to be
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: right under a light bulb.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Come on. You didn't even want to wear your hair
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: like that. He was like, open up your forehead. Come on.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: He knew you had that forehead on you. You got
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: a serious forehead, sis. I mean, God damn. Can you
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: cover it if you wanted to? If they was like,
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: hide your forehead. They robbing foreheads. Could you cover yours?
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: You probably wouldn't shit it hide and go seek, huh?
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: They be like, you in the bushes.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: You in the bushes.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: I can see your forehead sticking out the bushes.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: It looks strong, too. It's sharp, huh? Boom, boom.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: Little vibranium head. Keela got the same head. My assistant,
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: you knew I was coming. Look, you see, my assistant
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: got the same forehead you got.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: You see that? She can't cover it, neither.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: She just tore all the threads out the back of
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: that hoodie right now, trying to put that on.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Her forehead got it.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: She got a thick-ass forehead. Yeah, her forehead yammed out, so.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: As long as she don't headbutt me, we gonna be
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: all right. Y'all will read about that. Comedian Nate Jackson
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: blacks out. Okay, and so y'all in love now?
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: How long? Oh, this is some real shit. 14 years
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: married together? Are you married? Sir. She what? She tells
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: you to marry her? You ain't no.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: She said, that's what the f * * * I want.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: You want me to put some pressure on her? What's
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: your name, sir?
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Michael. Thank you. She's like, get in there. Michael, why
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: you f * * *? Man, that's your queen. You
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: got family tattooed on your knuckles, but don't want to
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: make yourself one? On three, everybody say, Michael, you One, two, three. Michael,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: you bullshitting. You bullshitting, Michael. Fuck. Fuck. Now, what's the holdup? Now,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: let's have a real conversation.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: Like, it's just me and you. You're scared of... So
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: you figure if you don't get married and you up now. Okay,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: so your parents was married and they didn't make it.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: Like they didn't stay married or like on some Batman?
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: The way you said it was like, maybe she head
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: butted both of.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Them. Just in a dark alley. Pow, pow.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: So your parents were married, and you think marriage is
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: scary now because they weren't able to do it successfully.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Why don't you break the cycle, get married, and show
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: your kids what's possible?
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: You're going to fuck up regardless. We're men.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: There's nothing we can do. We're going to fuck something up.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: Just don't fuck up a lot. If you're about to cheat,
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: look down at your knuckles. Like, right when you.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Grab that ass, when you grab that fat ass on
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: that other woman, you're like, I'm about to cheat like
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: a mother. Wait.
• 25:14
  Speaker 6: I-L-Y.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: I love you. F-A-M. Remember your woman. 14 years is
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: long enough that you, how long were your parents married?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: 20 years? So you figure you just stay with her
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: for another seven and then you'll get married?
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: She wants to be married. You never wanted to be married,
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: but she wants to be married? So you're going to
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: have to get married. You rich as fuck? Am I
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: an ordained minister?
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: No, which might.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Play in your favor because I will marry y'all and
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: it won't be real. She be so happy her little
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: forehead be regular size that day. Little forehead done came down,
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: little two head.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: We done got married. You gotta pull that shit out.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: You know, when you get married, they got that thing on.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: They be like, you mean now, kiss the bride? You like...
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: God damn! That's how big your forehead is. You got
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: to put that motherfucker. Mmm. Nope, I think you should
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: do it, man. 14 years, you know. I mean, what
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: the fuck? So next time I come back to Alabama
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: and I see y'all, he going to be what? One
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: day what? You got to threaten him.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: What'd you threaten him with? What, like violence? Did you
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: threaten violence? Have you shot a gun near him? 14 years,
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: you getting into the territory to shoot a.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: 45 off in between his feet. Like, not to hit him,
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: but to just be.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, around and find out. What if he wake
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: up in the middle of the night and you just
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: over him on all fours? Like, I dropped his head
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: on your dumb ass. Like a Wile E. Coyote anvil
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: in his.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I drop this forehead through this room, downstairs, and the
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: goddamn basement right now.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: You lucky I'm flexing my neck muscle. If I let
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: my neck muscle go, I'll kill everybody you love. Right now,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: first earthquake in Huntsville. The epicenter was Huntsville, Alabama, at
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: the corner of white and dark.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Make her your queen, man. For real, don't do that.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Don't do that. Do it. 14 years is too long
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: to be playing like that.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of sex and food and shit. He
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: just eating up her. Maybe hold him hostage a little bit,
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: you know? Next time he try to get the, give
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: it to him, but just like five strokes. I shouldn't
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: even have said that in the presence of other women.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: That's too diabolical. Women think not giving us is what
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: make us. No, no, we'll figure it out.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: We got hands. But if you give us just enough
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: to go crazy, like, ah, ah, that's it. I'm like,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: what the? Come back and let me not. Marry me. Here,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: god damn. We'll do anything. Shave off your mustache. God
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: damn it. All right, let me move around. I like
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: how certain people are lit real well. Let's talk to
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: this couple right here with the money.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the white lady in the Robin Hood boots. Yeah,
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: you got on no boots from Robin Hood. You're one
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: of Robin's merry men. And that's a couple, right, across
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: from each other? Absolutely.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: You got a little swagger. Is that a plaid vest?
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Is that Old Navy? Where you get that at? At where?
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: That's a place? Marisa's? Okay. And where did you dress
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: him at? Because he didn't pick that out himself. Stitch fix?
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, these sound like maybe there's one or two locations
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: of each brand.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: You got money. You weren't even at like a chain store. Like,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: let's just go through Stitch Fix and see what they got. Wow.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: So how long you been married? I see wedding rings. Really?
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: 21 years? What's the secret?
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Sir, talk to me like she not here. How you
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: make it 20 years? You were gone for half of it?
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Okay. Okay.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Black people, let me, let me look into this a
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: little bit, because usually when white people talk like that,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: they don't realize what it sound like. He's probably talking
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: about serving in the military.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Am I right? Okay, well, the way you said it,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: to our community, what it sound like? Sound like he
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: went where? Jail. Mm-hmm, she held him down through the window. Well,
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: thank you for your service. Yeah.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: So you was in and out from some of the mirrors.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Seven deployments?
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Did you tell them how many times you had already gone?
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: Isn't there a cap? Don't they be like, nobody should
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: go more than four times. Did you change your name
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: to go back again? Like, I left two months ago.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I wanted to get.
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: How the f * * * did you go seven times?
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Where? Where did you go seven times? Do we even
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: have enough beef for seven trips? Twice Iraq, three times Afghanistan.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: But wait, wait, wait, wait. So two times in Iraq,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: three times in Afghanistan, and then where was the other two?
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Kuwait and UAE. Oh, so you was chilling for that
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: seventh one. Okay, so we use an L-U-D? Was that Doha?
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Right, right, Qatar. He was in Abu Dhabi? That's where
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Keeler got a forehead surgery. They added some more head
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: on there. They have a 4.4 head. She's going to
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: be crying off that, for sure. But the tears, they
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: don't come straight out. When she cried, they build up.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: And then the gravity from her forehead created a circundicular gravity.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: And then the tears shoot out all over the place.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: So if y'all look back in five minutes, she'll be
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: tearing up. So you was in Afghanistan three times?
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: What did you do? I was logistics for.
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: A few years.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Then field artillery. Field artillery? It's awesome. What does that mean?
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: You're a weatherman?
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: You got me in here about to cry for you.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: And you're in Afghanistan like I'm pretty sure you guys
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: need to shoot a little bit to the right if
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: you want your bullets to land straight today because I
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: noticed some cumulonimbus clouds developing over there. the one mountain
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: line frontier that they had. Some soldiers, keep your heads down.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: There's wind flying.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: How did you give, were you literally the weatherman, like
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: on military TV?
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: You did the balloons. So you, like, Twister with the,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: you would.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: Watch it go up and be like, damn. All right, y'all,
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: the wind blowing today. Seven times, that's what your job was?
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: What about them first two? So you didn't even get
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: to the front line? Iraq was great, huh? You were like,
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: they just put us right here.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: I guess this is where we start. It's windy today, guys. Wow.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of, and you from here? You from Alabama?
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I got a theory that they sent people from the
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: South for more trips to war than any other part
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: of America.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: I really do.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Because I did a shows in Japan and all the
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: Marines were Southern white boys.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: They were all this tall. Like, you friend in the summer, bitch,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: you mother fucker. I'm like, where you from? From Alabama?
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: What part? We don't got no city name where I'm from.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: I'm on the county line you.
• 34:45
  Speaker 7: Take exit 565 and drive 29 minutes and then just
• 34:50
  Speaker 7: take a ride that's where my people stay with my
• 34:53
  Speaker 7: meemaw well god damn why you in the marine cause
• 34:57
  Speaker 7: they got toilets.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: This is I'm like this is who's going I'm a
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: sniper I don't miss no fuck that I check that
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: weather report and I hit every shot So you served in. No,
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: you got the I serve face. What do you do? Huh?
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Shoot steer? What does that mean? Cows? You're a cow farmer.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: You're a cowboy. Cow man. You don't play with them?
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: What does that mean? Hold on, hold on, hold on.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: So he's trying to make a discernment here. I don't
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: play with the cows. You don't play with the cows?
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: What does that mean, you don't play with the cows?
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: You telling me cowboys is f * * * ed?
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: Look at me in the face. Hey!
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: Cowboys do all the s * * * I see
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: on TV, roping them and all that, and you don't
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: get to do none of that.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: What do you do?
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: I raise cattle.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: What's that mean, you breastfeed them? We raise herds, sir.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: We think you're coming by a boy. And so you
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: help with the bulls? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Do y'all do
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: anything special?
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: Make sure that they're real horny when you send them out?
• 36:19
  Speaker 6: Absolutely.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: What do you do? You're for real?
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Like, y'all do stuff to the bulls so that when
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: they touch down, they're ready to fuck?
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: We got to make sure that they're good when they
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: get together. How do you make sure they're good? How
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: do you test to see if a bull is ready
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: to fuck?
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: Hold on.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I got to get ready for this.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: I got to see if this is what I can
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: do in my own house. Okay, so you got a
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: regular bull, and you're not sure if he wanna f
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: * * *. What do you do?
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: A probe? How big?
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: So you got a, is it metal, plastic? A metal
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: probe this long, this round. And you put that where?
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: In his a * *? And that makes him wanna
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: f * * *? Hold on. Hey, when y'all f
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: * * *, is that what happens? Yes. He's like,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: who the f * * * is this? This is
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: my f * * * ing brother, bro. How many
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: times am I going to say that shit? I'm sorry.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: I apologize. But where was I supposed to go with that?
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: We just stuck a two-foot probe in a cow's ass
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: to see if his d * * * worked. I'm
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: pretty sure there's another way. Why don't you just flick
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: the d * * *? Just flick the head. He'd
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: be like....
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: You got to stick a two-foot thing in his ass?
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: This is normal for the bulls. You think they tell
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: each other, like, what, just wait? Like, old black men
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: tell young black men, uh-huh, how.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Old are you? He said, all right, about time. You
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: want to go down to that doctor's office, they're going
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: to reach all in your ass. He's like, you know,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: they do that with a blood test now. You. They
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: probe my. So y'all stick a big thing in their ass. So,
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: hold on.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: So you stick it in there. Is there something in
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: there you're looking for? Catch what in a cup?
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: Hold on, hold on, hold on.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: You telling me you sticking something in a boy cow's
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: ass and he's busting the nut?
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: This is some shit.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: And I mean every double entendre that that is.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: What is that, his prostate? Y'all trying to hit with
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: this big ass? I thought that was a rumor. This
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: is like American Pie. It's electric. I didn't know y'all
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: were doing that. You like that? A lot of the
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: white people miss that. It's electric. Wow. So that's how
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: you test them? You do it too? You look at
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: what under the microscope? The semen? For a sperm count?
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: Yep.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: And if it's crazy, he'd be like, woo, woo, we're
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: about to get paid. Then he gets to go to
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: somebody's heart and break out. If it's not good, he
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: gets to go to the hamburger. He comes back to
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: be hamburger? Yeah. Oh.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: You mean all the burgers I've eaten in my life
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: is cows that can't fuck?
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: That's a tragedy. What I gotta pay to eat a
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: cow that can fuck? If I'm going to eat it,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: I want to make it. You know what I'm saying?
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: We out here eating impotent cows. Moo. Moo. You're trying
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: to have a bad day. Now you're a whopper. That's crazy.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: Could you imagine, fellas? Because all can create an equal.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Some days you put in work. Other days you be tired.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: You have a bad day. You're a sandwich? That's crazy. Wow,
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: what a job. Do you actually do the thing or
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: you count the nut, the semen? You do all of it.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: What do you, how do you catch a flashlight? Is
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: it a special cup? It's just a cup. Is this enough?
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Like how much does a bull bust? To my fingers? No,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: where you go. That's it?
• 40:52
  Speaker 8: A big a * * bull only bust this much
• 40:54
  Speaker 8: a night? Even she was like, huh, I could. This
• 41:00
  Speaker 8: black lady was like, dude, that's it? The f *
• 41:03
  Speaker 8: * k, Terrell. We could do that, huh? That ain't,
• 41:08
  Speaker 8: that's it, Terrell, look.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: That's how much a bull bust. I heard you, you went, huh.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I thought it was a lot. I thought you got like, oh, oh, oh.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: It got on my face like that. I thought, it's
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: a bull.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: The fact that it's like a petite amount of nut
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: out of this big animal, it's crazy.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: That's what?
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: That's because he's not in the real thing.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: So if he was in a cow, he probably turns up. Yeah,
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: I bet. Because when you... Huh, fellas?
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: Because you can jack off all day, but when you
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: pull out and put it on that butt cheek, you're like,
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: God damn.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: My body must have knew this wasn't a drill. That's amazing.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: That's good money, right? Is it gambling? It's kind of gambling, right?
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: Because you got to guess the bull that's going to
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: have the most sperm in it. What is it?
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: The black one's got the most? Which cow's got more,
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: which one's got the best sperm? The light-skinned cows? What
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: about the ones with all them bangs and shit?
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: They ain't me, they ain't me, they ain't me, them's
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: over you. Yeah, the Irish ones.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: The gothic looking cow from Scotland.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: It's the cow that look like he skateboard.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: Do you guys know what I'm talking about? The orange
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: one with all the bangs? Google it. Google white people cow.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm talking about? Which cow got
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: all the nuts? You only breed white cows. That's crazy.
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Is that what you call them?
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: Wow?
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: White cow. Wow. It's called a what? A charlite. That's
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: what they call the white cow. French for white is charlite.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: You know what French is for black? A nigga. I'm sorry.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: That's not true, Christian. Don't you say that shit. He
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: will too tomorrow. I learned something yesterday.
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: So why only white cows? So the white, it's the
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: big white bulls, that's your specialty. And then when they
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: do well, you let them go to any farm, or
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: only the whites only?
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: They like the white bull. They want the white bull
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: to be with the black, to get a little mixed baby.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: If they're anything like humans, you might want to switch
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: that up. You get you a big, strong NFL cow. Okay,
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: and you let that lose at like the University of Iowa.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: All the little baby cows look like him.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, yeah. Little Drake. Just saying. The mixed
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: cup was like, this is inappropriate. All right. That was
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: fun learning about that. Wow. So what do you do more?
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: The prod or the cup?
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: So it's not like if I wanted to start tomorrow,
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: they wouldn't be like, oh, you're brand new?
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: Get the cup.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so catching a cow nut is probably the bottom
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: of the barrel for the tasks.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: You hold the tails. What that mean?
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, they can push it out? So who's, wait a minute.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: So you put it in and you got to hold
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: it in there? And the cow's like, get that out
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: of my head. Get it out of there, get it,
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: get it, oh, wait a minute.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo!
• 46:17
  Speaker 6: Moo!
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: Moo! Do they go to sleep right away? You got
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: to pick them up. They get weak in the knees.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: I want to watch that. I don't want to touch nothing.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: I don't want nothing to touch me. But if I
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: could be behind a fence and watch what you do
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: for work, I'd be like, this is so crazy.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: But that's big money, though. Because people pay good money
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: to have that bull because they need the cows. Do
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: you lease him? No. You sell him outright.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: I feel like you're shorting yourself. You got to lease him. No,
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: I don't want to lease him. If you get one
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: where you can see the sperm, they're like wiggling.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: There's another way you do it. You can sell it.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: You can sell the sperm? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: Right there. When you get it, can you... Can you
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: cut it? Hey, hey. Hey.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: Fuck these jokes, man. I don't give a fuck what
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: y'all talking about. I'll be in the bitch with some
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: baking soda. I got baking soda. If you mix that right, nigga,
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: that nut turned into knack. The nut turning the knack
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: is way more powerful. Keep them coming back.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: This is what you've been trying to get everybody to
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: stop doing, and I came up here and turned the
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: cow nut into.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: What'd you say, sweetheart? He has a tractor or a
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: lift if anybody needs to borrow one? I like her.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: She's trying to get some money in the family. Because
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: I had nothing to do with the moment at all.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: So he probably got a tractor or a lift if
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: anybody wants to borrow one. The only people that thought
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: about that was the fat couple. They were like, what
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: kind of tractor? You think it can lift me up
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: and back me up onto this?
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: I want some of that.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: If you ever do decide you really want to have
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: a baby, I know somebody that can make sure that
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: you can have one. It's going to take a procedure
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: you ain't going to be able to tell nobody about.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: But you're going to have a cup of nut to
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: figure out what you want to do with.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: Whew. You learn something every day. So you sell the spot.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: How much is this much if it's an A-grade bull nut?
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: How much would you say that much go for? $ 100
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: a straw, maybe? $ 100 a straw? What do you mean
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: a straw? How many ounces is a straw? How many
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: straws is this? This is 12 of them. Full straws
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: are just like you put your finger on the end
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: and let go and then it fill up like.
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: When a bartender tastes your drink. So you could get
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: some A grade cow nut. You put 10 straws in
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: there and then it's all gone. And it's $ 100 for
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: that straw. So that's $ 1, 000 for a cup of nut.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: And how long did it take to get this much
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: nut again once this is gone? Yeah, yeah. How much
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: do they bust? One bull. How much is a bull?
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: Y'all bulls. Y'all bulls. I have an apartment out here.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: Everybody get the fuck back. Papa need a new house
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: out this mother fucker. Come on, give me some songs, please.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: Won't nobody know that's how I'm getting my money. There'll
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: be signs, though. I'll be pulling out. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: Fire. In the airplane. On land. It's that bull money, boy.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: I ain't booing. Oh, man. So ten straws and up
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: from one cup of jizz.
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: How many times before the bull, you're like, y'all ease
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: up off of me.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: Before the... for a month, how many cups a day?
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: Six cups a nut a day? $ 6, 000 a day? Six thou,
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: hold on, nigga, we gotta see.
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: How many booze you got? You sold out, yeah, you
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: finna sell out. We about to figure this out. Six
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: nuts a day times the 10, you got 6,000 times.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. How many bulls you got? Yeah, but
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: how many bulls you got? You sold out, but what
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: do you mean? Okay. If this is how much the
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: nut costs, how much is the bull outright?
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: $ 5, 000.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: $ 5, 000?
• 52:05
  Speaker 7: $ 5, 000.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: That don't make no sense.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: You just told me I can make $ 2. 1 million a
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: year off of one bull. Off a special bull. Yeah,
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: but I don't need a special bull. I need a
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: bull that just, he like, that's all I got. Like
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: I can still, you can still be rich. You can
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: still be rich. I don't need a bull with the
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: best nut. Just have some all right nut.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Huh, married women. Just get
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: an all right nut. You don't need 2.1.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: And that's one of them. And you sold bulls? You
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: had a lot of bulls? You're not living your life
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: to its full capacity. You need to think more like
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: a black person because if you can.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: Make $ 2. 1 million off of one bull that's horned, do
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: you know how I would be prodding them niggas? I
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: wouldn't even give up. I'd be like, shut the fuck up.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: I would have a double-headed prod. Get the fuck outta here.
• 53:24
  Speaker 5: Are four bulls, you can buy the north side. Black people,
• 53:30
  Speaker 5: are you listening? They selling the bulls for 5,000. That's
• 53:39
  Speaker 5: a good bull for 5,000?
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, can we, do I gotta house it?
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: Could I buy a bull and y'all keep it and
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: make it nut? But I sell the straws. Okay, we're
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: going to talk after this. I'm about to buy.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: What, did you put them in a stable? Where does
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: the bull live? They live in a pasture? We're going
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: to get us a little pasture out here. I can't
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: imagine it costs more than $ 100, 000 to make sure a
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: bull happy per year, right?
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: Have y'all ever thought about just like having some bad,
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: what you call a heifer? So what you call a
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: girl cow? Just cows. You don't got to say girl.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: Do you think bulls can tell whether a cow is attractive?
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: They don't care?
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: But what about from the back? You ain't never seen
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: your bull around like a flat booty cow? You ain't
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: got no big booty cows? Yeah, I get some big
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: booty cows. Making chocolate milk.
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I wouldn't let him fuck all the way. I'd
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: give him five pumps. If I ever finish, you don't
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: even wear ammo cups in there. Yeah, we got to talk, man.
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: This sound like some real money, y'all.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: 1.2 off of just some cow nut?
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: What is human nut worth? Does anybody know? Does anybody
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: work in that field? No? I know you don't, sir. No, no. No,
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: this is a whole thing. Haven't you heard, like, if
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: you run out of money, you can go down there
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: and jack off, and they give you, like, $ 60, $ 1, 000?
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: You can give plasma. You can give semen. You don't
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: know this? Yeah, you've heard of it.
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that means we got value too. How much do
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: you think Shaq nut worth? This nigga's a giant. That's
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: probably in Fort Knox.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Albert Einstein has come. Probably got some
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: real value to it.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: Because women, they've been cryogenically freezing eggs, and the women
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: that got all the money, they've been working, they put
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: their careers first, they freeze the eggs, and then they
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: take the eggs, and they do the IVF, and they
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: pick the man. They're like, I want him to be
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: taller than six feet, brown eyes, long fingers, athletic. And
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: then they go down the hallway and come back with
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: Rick Foxnut. And they're like, I can't afford that.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: You have some Coutinho Mobley back there.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: This is so interesting to me. This should be a special,
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: or like a document.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: Is there a documentary I can maybe catch up on this?
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: Ain't no books. Nobody's slowed down enough to write it down.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: Y'all making that kind of money, huh? Ain't got no
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: time to write down what's happening. Black people, we got
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: to figure this out.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: Does anybody else do something interesting? Because that's take the
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: cake for me, at least for the last six months.
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: What do you do? Stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home mom. Okay.
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: That's nowhere near as exciting as what we just went through.
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: But you're still a hero.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? You got to do your thing.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: What did you say? I heard your little voice. Come on.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: You get excited. Catch me outside. I said it's exciting.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: We stay-at-home.
• 57:48
  Speaker 5: Mom.
• 57:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: You stay-at-home mom? I understand. So what are you doing, brother,
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: that she don't got to do this? Okay. The big ones.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: Long haul, short haul? Local. Okay. You own the truck?
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: I do have the truck. But?
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: So you drive for the company every now and then
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: you'll pick up some loads on your own on the side?
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: No, you just leave your truck parked. It's been at
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: the house for years. How old is it? Since Colby.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: I need you to clear your throat. I don't know
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: what the that was. Since Colby. She said like she
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: want you to drive that truck.
• 58:37
  Speaker 6: She like, since Colby, he ain't used that motherfucker this
• 58:40
  Speaker 6: whole time. We saved up as a couple to get this.
• 58:44
  Speaker 6: Now he's getting dusted in the motherfucker. While you pushing,
• 58:47
  Speaker 6: I'm about to start jacking off some goddamn cars.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: I know exactly what I said. Jacking all cows. I
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: know what I said. Huh? You drive trucks and do
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: real estate? That's how you see what properties are available?
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: While you're out there driving? How old is the children
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: that she's staying at home? with? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: Ain't nobody staying at home to raise no goddamn 18-year-old.
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: That's a distant cousin.
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: Put that out. You got all that real estate. Give
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: them somewhere to stay.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: Shit, 18 and 16, is there a baby? Somebody that
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: needs to be raised?
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: Wait, whoa, wait, what? You started out going down. How
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: old are you? You're 36 with a 26-year-old? Wait, wait.
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: What in the R. Kelly.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: That's not even possible. You can't get nobody pregnant at 10.
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: You're not even busting white yet. That's still clear. I'm sorry.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: Was that too much? I know all the men were like, damn,
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: that's true. That's true. It felt good, but you were
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: still shooting clears at 10. You were shooting clears. Blanks,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: if you will.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: So explain, she came with a baby? I had an
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: older daughter. Okay, and so are you older than him then?
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: Okay. You look young though. 43. You look fantastic. Y'all
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: clap it up for her. She's 43.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: Them some fake ass claps.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: Everybody like. That's fucked up. Not a genuine clap in
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: the room. Okay. So tell me all the kids that
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: she got you driving trucks for. 26. 18. 16. And nine.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: So the nine-year-old is the one that need all the attention.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: So all them kids still need some help?
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: 16 need help? 18 need help? All of them need help.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: Our son's about to graduate. Congratulations. In December. Yes. It's
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: December now. When is he graduating? December 12th. So in
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: three days, he out of there. And where's he going
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: to go live? No, no, no. When he walk across
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: the stage, it should be into a lease.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: He's supposed to take his diploma and his lease, and
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: that'd be the two documents on his first little apartment counter.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: He's supposed to come to your house to eat. He's
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: not supposed to live there. Okay, okay, so he's going
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: to go to ASU.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: Wait, wait. He's going to go to both schools?
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: He going to Alabama Nick Saban them or he going
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: to Alabama State? Alabama Nick Saban them. Okay, and so
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: who paying for that?
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 5: The Army.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: He in the Army too? No. You were? He going
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: to use the GI Bill? He going to go get
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: his education?
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 6: No, he's retired.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: He's in the 4-H. Okay, good.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: I don't understand the idiosyncrasies of that, but it sounds
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: like you know.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 6: I'm retired, so he going to do what the Yeah.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: I got that part. I knew what a full rhyme meant, baby.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: I just didn't understand. I didn't understand what your benefits covered.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: That's the part I didn't understand. And so there's a
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: 16-year-old and a 9-year-old that'll still be at the house. Okay,
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: and so is the 16-year-old responsible enough to watch the 9-year-old?
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: So why isn't she driving the truck that's sitting there
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: on the side.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: Of your house? Yeah. You can get your little ass out.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: There's women doing that. You don't even need to use
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: a horn. You can be like, yeah, yeah. A bitch
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: is coming through this motherfucker. Everybody move. Get out the way.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: Echo 999, I'm on the CB. It's your girl, Chilanda.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: You already know what it is. Am I clear? Do
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: you see some smokies on the horizon? You don't even know.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: They'd be like... She'd be like... Honk the horn. Honk
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: the horn. That was a fun moment.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 5: Huh?
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: No. We good.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: I don't mean no disrespect, but this was a lot
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: when I had started. It was up to here, and
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: I drank it down to a bull amount of semen,
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: and now I'm.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: Down to just a... Just let me just set my
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: own little pace. I'm good. You see, I'm... Huh?
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: You know what would really help me rest better is...
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: If I could bust about....
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: This much semen....
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: What'd you say? Give me one on this side only?
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: What if it's on this side I was looking at?
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: Get you one. We in this bitch. That's all good.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: You knocked your little chair over. I need some what? Oh,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: you know on the breast? You the reds? What are you?
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: You a goddamn individual. Okay. Okay. You know we were
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: talking about me busting a nut tonight, right? And you
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: spoke up. You need some oil. Yeah, I'll get you
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: some oil. We ain't.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: Going to be using no prods or nothing. Leave my
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: goddamn prostate alone.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: So I like y'all. There's two friends. What y'all? And
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: you sound different. Happy Father's Day. God damn. No, that's
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: my daughter. 5544 basketball. Why you sound like that? I
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: want to see y'all argue. Hold up. That's not even
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: how we get down. It is how the fuck we
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: get down over here. You ain't gonna do that. I'm
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: about to do everything.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 6: My son go to Alabama, Whitney saving them, and he
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 6: go to ASU.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: They got three classes over there, two classes over there.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 6: And my husband be driving and looking at riddles.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck what your husband do. I'm
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: my husband, bitch. Listen to my voice. Happy Mother's Day,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: Father's Day. It's me. Father's Day, Mother's Day. I'm both fathers.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 6: I don't give a what the fuck you think you is.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: Deep voice ass bitch. Who the fuck you call the
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: deep voice ass bitch? Bitch, I'll find your motherfucking ass.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: You ain't gonna do shit. I got a pistol. I
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: got a pistol with a big ass forehead. Knock the
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: shit out your dumb ass. And she comes through. Everybody
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: over here can get it. I'm Nate Jackson, man. Peace.