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The Benefits Of Aging · The Missing Secret Podcast

0:04
Unknown: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've got
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one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to
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maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our
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full potential. Are you living up to your potential? Are you
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frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't
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seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next
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level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
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If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission
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is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you
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how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're
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playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as
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most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned
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it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch
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what happens.
0:58
Welcome to think it be the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
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Hey. And I'm John Michell. So today, Kelly, our topic is
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aging, and the benefits of aging.
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So I'd like your observations, what are you in your late 20s?
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Early 30s?
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Ever Told you, you're my favorite person?
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Oh, you can't be over the what? 35?
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I actually have a big birthday coming up. I will be 50 in June.
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Are you serious? Yeah. So are you serious? I am stop.
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Man, I'll tell you well, you know, you know what, what 50
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meant to me. So I'm, I'm curious to see what 50 All mean to you,
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but that this is perfect. So in two months, you're going to be
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50. So just explain to our audience, your take on Aging,
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the process the benefits? Just your observations about it?
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Well, I love it. I am so excited. Well, first of all, I
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think you're aging. I mean, what's the alternative? Yeah,
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no, kid, okay. So I'm gonna always have that framework
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around this that I'm lucky to see another year, and I'm
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excited about what the next one is going to bring. And so I love
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the wisdom that comes along with it, I love the
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how you really get to know but like, by now with all of the
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experiences that you've had, and the the trials and the
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tribulations, and there's just things that you know, now that
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you didn't know, then, you know, what I mean, and a competence
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that comes with that, you know, I remember being in my 30s You
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know, even as I turned 40, and in my early 40s,
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you know, still, you know, kind of trying to figure out who you
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are
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caring too much about what other people think or about where
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should I be, as opposed to where I am, you know, the kinds of
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things so I just love the confidence, and the wisdom that
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comes along with aging. The other thing too, for me is that
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it really is just like, I feel better than I did in my 30s from
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my physical, you know, I really take care of myself, my health
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is a priority. And, and so it's just a, a number, I feel more
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alive, vibrant and have more energy than I did in my 30s. So,
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yeah, you, you know, I think you hit on a couple of things that
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are great, you know, the wisdom and the confidence. And, you
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know, I don't know what made me do this. But, you know, one
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night, a week or so ago, ginger and I were having a talk and
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I've been I just been reflecting back on, on my life. And
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you know, I could see where I took a jump it just in, in how I
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played the game of life as as an example, when I was when I met
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ginger when I was you know, 52 I think or so, maybe 53 She
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observed that every one small, it wouldn't happen all the time,
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obviously, but but it would happen sometimes. Where I get
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mad about something, and I would have a pretty foul mouth, you
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know, I'd throw F bombs around. And and she pointed that out to
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me. And I'm like, well, that's not how I was raised. You know,
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I was I was went to Jesuit High School that there's no, that's
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not a classy way to be. And, and so I immediately stopped it and
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and she is surprised or because you know, just from that
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recognition of it, I could stop it. And you know, I and you may
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not even know this about me. You know there were three things
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that happen
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And in my 40s, that were pretty devastating. The first one is my
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best friend died. And I found it. Oh, no, I didn't, which,
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which was, you know, he died in a hot tub. And it was. And he
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was, you know, a interestingly, two or three months before that
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we both told each other, we loved each other, which guys
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usually don't do that. No, but, but that shows you and so it was
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obviously devastating. Then the second thing that happened, like
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a year or two later, the US government accused me of
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something I didn't do, you know, I owned a bank and my
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authorities and they accused me of something that I flat didn't
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do. And they were trying to put me in jail. And it was an ugly
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situation and, and got really ugly. And but ultimately, I
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could prove I was innocent, and they dropped the charges.
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But very, very difficult. Period. And then the third thing
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was I was in a in a business I really hated. And so those three
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things as I'm rolling into my 50s, she, you know, probably
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were the foundation for a lot of F bombs, you know, just to
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inclination to F bombs. Well, yeah, there's a lot of anger.
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There's a lot of anger there and right with the situations. Yeah,
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right. Right. And, and, and, you know, but as once ginger pointed
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that out to me, I'm like, Well, that didn't serve me. There's
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no, that's not really who I am. That's embarrassing that I'm not
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more articulate. Sure, I understand getting mad. I, by my
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nature, probably have a strong temper. But you know, I'm going
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to stop and and so I did stop it immediately. And, and she was
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surprised that that just that, you know, being able to stop it
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was possible. And and then, you know, I noticed, what was the
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other one that I I noticed? Oh, I would every once awhile, get
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mad out loud, like, I don't know, I bet everybody's like
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this, especially around technology. You know, if there's
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something technology that goes wrong, sometimes I, I would want
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to take my computer and throw it in the lake. Not that didn't
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happen a lot. But I'd be very vocal without using F bombs
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about my anchor. And then I'm like, what, what good is that?
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Do you know what and you know, this is part from learning from
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Trevor Moe had the mental coach at Alabama that what you say out
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loud is 10 times more powerful than, than what you think I'm
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like, all I'm doing is is giving 10 times the energy to whatever
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I'm upset about. I'm like, this makes no sense. And and, you
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know, I saw that I was able to
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immediately stop that. It just didn't make sense. And so the
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point of those two stories is i i As I look back on my life, I
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can actually see where I was one way and became more enlightened.
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And I changed
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it Can you can you think of things like in your life where
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you've you saw something and you you evolve to a higher level?
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Yeah, I mean, I think absolutely. One of the things
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for me that many people listening can relate to?
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Probably, probably a lot of women would be my guess is this
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tendency to people, please.
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You know, and so it was just part of my family dynamic.
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Growing up, I kept getting into my 20s, my 30s I stayed at a
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company that I shouldn't have stayed out as long as I did 14
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years out of a sense of a false sense of loyalty and wanting to
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please the owner, you know, and it all worked out the time.
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Exactly. It was supposed to, but you know, I think that tendency
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to,
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to,
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not at all costs, but to make everybody happy and to try to
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make it okay for everybody and just how exhausting that is. And
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in an effort to do that you, you put yourself nowhere on your
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list. You're right. You know, we've talked about this before,
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too when it comes to business or I'm saying yes to the wrong
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things. I'm saying yes to everything I'm you know, burning
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out running myself into the ground because of this, this
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tendency that I have to try to make people happy, you know, and
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it wasn't even to like me, it was more of just It's my nature
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to like fix things. You know, it was the family dynamic that I
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grew up in was just like if I can make this okay for
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everybody, then maybe we'll get through it, you know, right. And
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so that was a
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Hard pattern for me to break and so boundaries. Right? Um, you
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know, so going from not having any boundaries to setting
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boundaries is a huge thing for me in my 30s and, and especially
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the end of my 30s and, you know, 40 moving into my early 40s
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Understanding that, oh, you know what I mean, it's so important,
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I've got to start setting some boundaries around this, you
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know, both professionally and personally, or, I'm, I'm never
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going to be, you know, happy to the extent that I can be,
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you know, so that definitely was one of the things for me was
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that people pleasing nature and just understanding that.
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And I know, this sounds cynical to, you know, but like, here we
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go.
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Get ready.
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But I mean, it goes back to what your your, you know, that whole
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idea when I was talking about being a little about being
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judged, you're not talked about that before, people aren't
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thinking about you at all, you know, that center stage
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syndrome, you know,
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where you think, you know, people are, they don't? If
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you're not, if you say no, they're going to move on to the
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next person who will say yes, you know, what I mean, like, so
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just understanding the extent to which that, you know, saying no,
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doesn't mean.
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So, anyway, that was a big one for me where my behavior
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shifted, you know, definitely. And then the other thing that
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comes to with just confidence really quick, and that. So once
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you've gone through, like having started, you know, multiple
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businesses, having multiple businesses in operation now
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making it through the highs, the lows, this roller coaster of
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entrepreneurship and business ownership. One thing that as I
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knew, as I come into this next, were this confidence, like, I'll
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bet on me any day of the week. You know what I mean? Like, if
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I, so knowing that, so just that confidence that comes with
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having gone through all of that, and being able to reflect on it
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to say,
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I made it through that, or, man, here's how I would have
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navigated that a little bit differently if I had that to do
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over again, so that I'm carrying the lessons with me. So it's
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just a different way of looking at.
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There isn't that apprehension, like wondering if you can do
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something or like, I know I can, and I prove it over and over
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again, you know what I mean? Right, right. You know, I think
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you're right. And, you know, the, this idea of operating in
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life with confidence is, is so tied to what other people think,
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because if you're really focused on what other people think, or
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put too much weight on it, it detracts from your confidence,
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because you're always judging what are other people thinking
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about what I'm saying or doing. And, like you say, this is so
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true, they're not thinking about you, you think they're thinking
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about you, but they're not thinking about you. And, and I
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saw in my 50s, how much fun life was when, when I operated at a
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higher level of confidence. Of course, I was driven by our 12
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minute day technique I was, you know, just was that level of
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control I had over and have over my life was so immensely more.
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But, you know,
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I, it's always amazing to me relative to aging, is why do we
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really have to get older to learn these things. I mean,
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that's the natural effect of aging. But, you know, I look at
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so many, so many of the things sort of the lessons that that I
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have learned in my life, that people could have sat me down
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and said at
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25 or 30, and said, Now, John, here's about 10 or 15 lessons,
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get these things. I mean, friggin get them,
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so that you don't have to go through all the things that I
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went through. And you know, maybe as I talked about this,
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this is what, enthuses me about the new course I'm creating at
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the University of Texas
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to go even deeper than then they could be it but you know, but I
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just see that oftentimes you tell people these lessons and it
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goes in one ear and out the other, you know, I mean, what do
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you think about that? I think I 100% get where you're coming
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from but like this goes back to what we've been talking about to
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like the people you surround yourself with are like I didn't
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grow up around people who could sit me down and tell me the top
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10 lessons in life to that wasn't my reality. I had a
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couple of really a great, great teachers. You know what
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I mean, in high school, right? There's some great coaches in
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soccer, but nobody, not a mentor, you know, until I was in
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my 30s, you know, that sat down and said, hey, you know, these
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are the things that you really want to focus on in life, the
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whole idea of focusing on the things that move the needle and
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having clarity and all of those things, that wasn't part they
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didn't teach that in school. Right. And then I wasn't around
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that, you know, in my career, my company didn't offer that, you
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know, so and so the importance of having a mentor, and if not
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personnel, and I think, to your point, having been introduced to
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it in a class, at that age, I mean, we I'd say this all the
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time, man, I wish I would have been introduced to your method,
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you know, 20 years earlier, I imagine where things would be
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now and, and, you know, so I think it's fantastic, that
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you're putting a curriculum together for, you know, for
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young adults, to carry with them into their life? Well, you know,
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it's, it's interesting. So as I develop this new course, here's,
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there's four components to it. Leadership of self, which, which
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means having that mindset, you can accomplish anything you set
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your mind to, it's also personal responsibility, which means
16:20
never letting yourself be a victim, and always owning your
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results. And if you don't like the results, you're getting
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changing your behaviors, then it's teaching them what I call
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six high performance, skills that like, like you just said,
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if I'd learned them at 50, I made it 20 instead of 50, what a
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difference that would have made. And then the fourth component is
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mentoring. And as you're talking, I'm like,
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I want you to mentor some of my students, you know, of course,
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this will be down the road, but you would be so good to do it.
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And I because I want to get successful people, once I get
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them through my class, I'm going to mentor them, and I want to
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stay in touch with them. But I need, you know, people have the
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right mindset and the right level of success to mentor them.
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It's just like, you know, this, just for our audience, we had a
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couple of years ago, you came to my class in Austin. And and you
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hired one of the students. Yeah, as a as an intern. Right. And
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she was so blown away by the experience of being around you
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that, you know, we need to replicate that. I guess it's the
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bottom line. Well, I, I love it. And it was so funny, I said, I
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say to everybody about that experience, and about doing
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think about with your, you know, the college program over the
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summer is, like, I have so much hope for the future when I meet
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with those young people, because they you know, these young
18:00
adults who are just starting and are fulfilled with, you know,
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there's this. I don't know what the
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narrative out there around our young, young adults and the
18:14
different generation, it's like, no, there are there are future
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and I'm very optimistic based on these wonderful young adults
18:23
that are coming out of University of Texas. And yeah, I
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just been blown away by them. So that's something I would love to
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be involved in, you know that? Well, you know, our, the the
18:36
motto at the University of Texas is What starts here changes the
18:40
world. This has been the motto for like, forever, and they used
18:46
to have when Walter Cronkite was alive, he went to the University
18:50
of Texas, you can hear Walter Cronkite saying that. And so
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it's pretty cool. But but you know, on this thing with aging
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to this past year, I don't know how it happened. But we had all
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freshmen in our class, as opposed to
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primarily juniors in in, in the prior years, that Bill and I
19:17
build the former Chancellor and I teach and what a difference,
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you know, those those freshmen, they're like deer in the
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headlights, you know, they're just glad to be away from mom
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and dad. And of course, my big push is around leadership itself
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and personal responsibility and, and for when you get out in the
19:38
real world, they're not worried about the real world. They're
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four years away from the real world. And, you know, that's why
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it's sort of evolved for me to go. I want to teach
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basically, just seniors, maybe some juniors but primarily
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seniors, and I only want to teach athletes
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It's because the athletes are the highest achievers as a group
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on on campus. And this is what our 12 minute day methodology is
20:08
clearly for high achievers. But you know, it's interesting that
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relative to age, you know where they are, when they're what 18
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versus when they are when they are 22. And as you'll see, when
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you turn 50 is going to be powerful. Because you're and you
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I, my prediction is, you won't think about it a lot until you
20:33
hit it. But then over the next three months, you're going to
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reimagine your life. Promise and so that the lesson to our
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audience I think, is
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reimagine your life right now. Whatever your age are, don't
20:50
wait for that decade. Birthday. Does you think that's lesson?
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Yeah, I think absolutely. That's the lesson. It's never, you
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know, now is the right time to reimagine your life. You know
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what I mean? Not tomorrow, not 10 years from now, don't wait
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for those big, you know, birthdays, now is the time and
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I'm doing a lot of that right now, in a reflection. Okay, what
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do I want this next season to look like? You know, so I'm,
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I've been kind of knowing that this has been coming up working
21:21
on that a little bit and shaping that. And so yeah, you know, I
21:25
got a suggestion for you. I just started doing this. Two weeks.
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And so I will see how it evolves. But it feels pretty
21:33
good. Where, you know, every day I exercise, and I get on the
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treadmill at 530, and why it's the evening news. And after I
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get off of it, now, I go, and I sit down. And I've usually,
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maybe I've I've read the Wall Street Journal already. So I'm
21:52
thinking about what's going on in the world. And I've just
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watched the news. And I'm, I'm sitting back, intentionally
22:00
thinking, what am What am I observing in life? What am I
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observing in the world? What am I observing in my own life? What
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am I learning? How am I growing? And you know, it's really
22:13
fascinating when you intentionally look at not just
22:17
what is happening, but what am I learning? What's, what's the
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trends here? What do I think about my life? What What, what's
22:25
reality telling me is, am I going in the right direction or
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not? Yo, I found it fascinating. I've done a lot of writing over
22:32
the last two weeks around that because every, every Sunday, I
22:36
try and write what I'm how I'm growing and learning, but it's a
22:40
fascinating process. Yep, I am, I am all for it. I love that.
22:47
And I'll give it a I'll let you know, I'll report back and let
22:50
you know how it goes. Well, you know, we're gonna charge your,
22:52
your path of turning 50 This will be good.
22:57
You know, I see that, that doing our podcast is so interesting,
23:02
because it it lets us both pontificate about life. Not that
23:07
anybody cares. But nevertheless, you know, we have to, we have to
23:14
take what's in our head and, and turn it into words to
23:18
communicate with each other. And there's, there's power in that.
23:21
But
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I think I think the takeaway to all this is
23:28
aging is it the benefits are, are so great. And yes, some
23:34
things decline physically, but, but I'm sort of like you, you
23:39
know, I I feel sort of top of my game, both physically and
23:44
mentally. And you know, the power of aging is you just get
23:51
more confident you get you care less about what other people
23:54
think. You also see that 98% Of all the stuff that goes on
24:00
really doesn't matter. Right? You know, exactly. Yeah. And I
24:05
know when I had 175 employees and I bet you're the same way.
24:10
You know, I sort of learned that if you did the vast majority of
24:14
the things the average it really didn't matter. Although your own
24:19
pride wants to do them all. Well, the once you let go of
24:23
that and just focus on what moves the needle. You know,
24:26
that's that's what aging does for you is makes you forget all
24:31
this stuff that's immaterial and just focus on the stuff that
24:34
matters. It Real quick, John, I know we're wrapping it up but to
24:39
that point, the other thing that aging is the way you spend your
24:44
time, like the quality of my time the fact that it is more
24:49
and more precious, right means you're spending it. At least I
24:54
am have made a choice to spend it.
24:57
More plugged in more present
25:00
Even more, you know, so I'm squeezing, you know, as much as
25:04
much joy. And I mean, that's one of the things that I analyze my
25:08
day by when I'm reflecting on my day. It's like, did I laugh
25:11
enough today? Because I gotta change that. That's joy is one
25:15
of my, you know?
25:18
Oh, I know, I know, you know, you gotta laugh. Yeah, man, I'll
25:22
tell you. You know, I appreciate my relationship with my friend,
25:27
Bobby,
25:29
who I talked to every day, and I've known him for 40 years. And
25:35
the beauty of him is it every day, we, we belly laugh, and is
25:40
usually cutting each other down that creating the laughter. But
25:47
I don't know. And I see is as I get older,
25:52
how grateful I am for, you know, for my health for my friends,
25:58
including you. But you know, my really close friends. And
26:04
you know, and I was just watching this presentation on
26:08
frontline PBS Frontline about retirement and how people are
26:16
generally not prepared for retirement. And I'm so thankful
26:22
that, that that's not me. And
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I just, you know, like you said at the start, as you get older,
26:31
you just get more grateful and what a great way to live being
26:34
more grateful. Yeah, yeah. And you don't have to, you know,
26:38
think of it you don't have to get out you can start being
26:40
grateful today. Start being grateful today. Everything today
26:44
because this is the this is all we're promised. Right? Right.
26:48
Well, you know, especially with our methodology, which is all
26:52
about creating, creating immense intention and clarity about your
26:57
life. Yes. Will you today, embrace being grateful? Embrace
27:04
focusing on what moves the needle embrace, not worrying
27:07
what other people think you know, and train your
27:10
subconscious mind for all that. When you do, boy, watch what
27:14
happens. Okay. Well, until next time, we'll see you.
27:19
Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment
27:24
from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to
27:29
share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at
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Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or John@thinkitibeit.com. In the
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meantime, live the exceptional life