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Being in Right Relationship · The Horsehuman Connection Matrix

• 0:03
  This is the Horse Human Connection.
• 0:06
  A captivating podcast where we extend into the world of equine assisted learning.
• 0:11
  Horse Training.
• 0:12
  and gentleness in working with these magnificent creatures.
• 0:18
  Captivating stories from the leading professionals and ordinary people alike unravel novel ideas in being with horses.
• 0:26
  The horse human connection is an idea, a place, and a voice.
• 0:32
  The idea is to support the quiet revolution and recognize the intelligence and true nature of the horse.
• 0:40
  The place is a destination farm near the Umpqua Forest and River that slows down visitors and patrons enough to experience the shift.
• 0:49
  The Voice is this podcast.
• 0:52
  Welcome to today's episode.
• 1:04
  Hi, this is, is she able with the horse human connection matrix?
• 1:09
  My last podcast, didn't have a lot to do with horses.
• 1:12
  And this one may not either.
• 1:15
  I haven't done a podcast in a while.
• 1:17
  As some of you may have noticed.
• 1:20
  There are a couple of different reasons for that.
• 1:23
  It's been a super busy summer.
• 1:25
  And back in the spring, I had reached out to about six different people thinking that I might schedule interviews.
• 1:32
  And.
• 1:33
  Even after getting back to some of them, it just seems like everybody's had a really busy summer and it's just not been a high priority.
• 1:41
  I have never asked for donations or.
• 1:45
  I even thought about charging.
• 1:46
  I definitely would never want to commercialize.
• 1:49
  I hate commercials so much myself.
• 1:51
  I just don't think I could take part in that.
• 1:55
  But I'm contemplating.
• 1:57
  Setting up so that people could donate if they appreciate the podcast.
• 2:02
  It is interesting that even though I haven't released a new podcast in, I think four or five months, The numbers keep going up.
• 2:09
  Not, not significantly, not in the thousands, but enough to keep me hopeful enough to keep me talking.
• 2:16
  Oh, somebody is listening out there and I appreciate that.
• 2:19
  And I appreciate people telling other people about my podcast.
• 2:24
  I, I do this because I think I have something worthwhile to say, Because I hope people can learn something from listening.
• 2:35
  There's a couple of different things I want to talk about today.
• 2:38
  And while it's not about horses directly.
• 2:41
  And more and more of my podcasts may not be about horses directly.
• 2:46
  It is about right relationship.
• 2:51
  When I went to Ecuador the city and came back.
• 2:54
  I started to be in right relationship with the horses.
• 2:58
  But what I've noticed is that being around the horses.
• 3:01
  Means being heart-centered being in right relationship.
• 3:05
  And other animals too.
• 3:08
  And then there's a much, much more complicated thing about being in right relationship with people.
• 3:14
  And as a mildly autistic person, this has alluded me for many, many, many years, and I wanted to speak to this and I wanted to speak to right relationship with the earth.
• 3:24
  And how some things are congruent and how they're not.
• 3:29
  My mother.
• 3:31
  Was in 12 step programs.
• 3:33
  She seemed to think she was an alcoholic, although I never saw her drunk.
• 3:37
  The extent of her drinking was too.
• 3:40
  Go up to her room to sit in her easy chair, to pour a glass of rose a.
• 3:45
  And to write sad poetry.
• 3:49
  And the reason I mentioning all this is because.
• 3:53
  I grew up with the concept that people.
• 3:57
  When they realized they were wrong.
• 4:01
  Art to admit it.
• 4:02
  And try to make amends.
• 4:04
  And apologize and apologizing and making amends are not always the same thing.
• 4:09
  So I grew up with this concept and my father.
• 4:13
  Although they were divorced and he probably never went to a 12 step meeting in his life.
• 4:18
  Well, so subscribed to this idea.
• 4:21
  The idea of apologizing.
• 4:23
  When you've hurt someone or done something wrong.
• 4:28
  Is a way to acknowledge and show empathy.
• 4:31
  And I guess I've become a little particular about apologies because sometimes people make a general apology.
• 4:39
  Because I think it's the thing to do, but it doesn't seem sincere.
• 4:44
  To me.
• 4:45
  Right.
• 4:45
  Apology.
• 4:48
  Includes exactly what they've done and exactly how you felt and shows empathy for the pain that they caused you.
• 4:57
  Or inconvenience or whatever it was that you experienced that they're apologizing for.
• 5:03
  Mans are different than an apology in a way that it's moving forward.
• 5:10
  So that the behavior.
• 5:13
  May not be stopped right away, but at least there's a realization of it.
• 5:17
  And.
• 5:18
  Way to either make up for it, to get a redo.
• 5:23
  Or.
• 5:24
  Create a situation.
• 5:27
  Where there's learning and growth.
• 5:30
  Like I myself have been in a position where I found myself apologizing for the same thing repeatedly.
• 5:38
  And that's, that's the apology that needs an immense.
• 5:41
  It needed me.
• 5:43
  To do something differently.
• 5:46
  So that I wouldn't have to keep apologizing because after a while people are going to be like, could you just change the behavior instead of apologize all the time.
• 5:53
  Like, they're just not getting it.
• 5:56
  Oh, I worked with a young woman for a while with horses and.
• 6:03
  I was going to have her put some training on one of my horses, who she had a good relationship with.
• 6:09
  But there were a lot of things that she didn't understand about, about training horses.
• 6:13
  And this was at a time where I was still finding my way between.
• 6:18
  The dominance, the benevolent leadership and the co-creation.
• 6:23
  And so being on the fence with all these things, it was difficult to make a decision, but two older.
• 6:30
  Horse trainers, more experienced horse trainers.
• 6:33
  Had.
• 6:35
  Advised me not to have this young woman.
• 6:38
  Put the 30 days on the horse and there were some good reasons why they saw that.
• 6:43
  And so I ended up pulling it back away from her.
• 6:47
  And it destroyed the relationship.
• 6:52
  A couple of years later, I, with a different horse.
• 6:56
  Asked her to come and do some very specific things with the horse that I knew she could do.
• 7:01
  In a sense, hoping that she would realize I did trust her in some ways.
• 7:07
  And it was my way of making amends to.
• 7:11
  To write the pain that I had caused her.
• 7:15
  And, and I did apologize, but this is an example.
• 7:17
  I'm mentioning all this because it is an example of.
• 7:22
  How I want to be in right relationship, how I want to be able to move forward and grow as a person and change behaviors that hurt people.
• 7:31
  And gosh, it'd be nice if.
• 7:33
  Other people do the same.
• 7:35
  It.
• 7:36
  It makes a difference.
• 7:37
  It makes a big difference.
• 7:40
  It's been my experience though throughout my life that a lot of people don't do that.
• 7:45
  Don't believe that.
• 7:47
  And it's extremely difficult for them to apologize.
• 7:51
  And this has been.
• 7:52
  Entirely baffling to me for decades until I finally got to a point of acceptance where.
• 8:00
  I realized people could be sorry.
• 8:04
  And not apologize.
• 8:06
  And it's hard to talk about that concept without talking about the concept of forgiveness.
• 8:12
  Talking about forgiveness is.
• 8:16
  You know, can you forgive someone if they don't apologize?
• 8:19
  Can you forgive them all on your own?
• 8:21
  Is it, is it a.
• 8:24
  A bilateral thing or can it be a unilateral thing and clearly can be both.
• 8:31
  I am.
• 8:33
  I'm struggling with one such thing.
• 8:35
  Now there's a.
• 8:37
  There's a person from my past.
• 8:40
  Who.
• 8:42
  Didn't said some things many, many years ago.
• 8:46
  That affected me so deeply and so profoundly that I'm still trying to recover from them.
• 8:54
  And this person, although we've tried to talk about it several times has listened and been validating and maybe even slightly empathetic, but never taken responsibility and apologized for.
• 9:09
  This thing that they did that really traumatized me, really sent me over the edge.
• 9:14
  Sent me so far over the edge.
• 9:16
  I've read about in books as there's this black abyss, this.
• 9:20
  This deep dark hole.
• 9:21
  That's.
• 9:24
  So black and so deep that it could swallow you whole and.
• 9:28
  If you do come out.
• 9:30
  You come out a changed person.
• 9:33
  And that's, that's where it sent me.
• 9:36
  And.
• 9:39
  Being in right relationship with myself.
• 9:43
  I am needing to find a way.
• 9:46
  To forgive this person without them taking responsibility, without them agreeing with me that what they did was.
• 9:53
  Was really horrible.
• 9:56
  And it's ironic that I'm talking about this in terms of 12 steps, because.
• 10:01
  It was kind of inside of a 12 step thing.
• 10:04
  I got blamed.
• 10:06
  For someone else's drinking, which is never anybody's responsibility or fault.
• 10:12
  But the person doing it.
• 10:15
  Anyway, being in right relationship with the horses have taught me.
• 10:18
  What the land has taught me.
• 10:20
  So in one of my episodes with Jenny Patel, Thompson, She begins to talk about the cockleburs the Not yellow dock, not curly dock.
• 10:32
  Oh, it's escaping me the other.
• 10:37
  The other doc that has a Burdoch the Burdoch numbers.
• 10:42
  Covering her horses.
• 10:44
  And she goes on to talk about how the land.
• 10:47
  I was compacted and devoid of minerals and how the Burdoch has a very deep taproot that can actually bring the minerals back to the surface and aerate the land and how her land was covered with these.
• 11:01
  So we all that have horses struggle with invasive species and pastures being taken over by.
• 11:08
  Different nasties from time to time.
• 11:12
  And what to do about that.
• 11:13
  I am contemplating spraying my pasture.
• 11:15
  I don't want to spray my pasture, but I have the most obnoxious.
• 11:21
  Tarweed that has taken over and it's chest high and I'm not short.
• 11:25
  I'm five, seven and a half ish.
• 11:28
  And it's everywhere.
• 11:30
  And there's no grass and the courses are covered with it.
• 11:33
  And I'm just not sure what to do.
• 11:37
  So do I let it take over and just watch and see what happens?
• 11:42
  And it came about, it took over because I went out there and mucked around.
• 11:45
  I got on my tractor and I love my tractor.
• 11:48
  And tore up the ground thinking I was gonna like The soil to favor the grass, not the buttercup and the knapweed that were a problem.
• 11:57
  And what did I do?
• 11:58
  But I spread tarweed everywhere.
• 12:01
  So now, do I sit back and watch and see what nature has in store?
• 12:04
  Why it's there?
• 12:05
  Is there a reason to be in right relationship?
• 12:07
  Or do I go to the two, four D and cross my fingers that I'm not contaminating everything.
• 12:12
  I don't want to use chemicals.
• 12:15
  But I also want my horses to have grass.
• 12:17
  And I also don't want my horses to have.
• 12:21
  You know, toxic weeds.
• 12:22
  There's so many weeds that are, if the horses eat them, they could die.
• 12:27
  And that's worse than the chemicals.
• 12:29
  So it's, it's a quandary for sure.
• 12:32
  I've had vetch on the edges.
• 12:35
  Of my driveway spreading into the edges of my pasture.
• 12:39
  And so I did spray some of that.
• 12:41
  I tried to weed it by hand the first two years and it just didn't do much good.
• 12:46
  So I sprayed a little bit last year.
• 12:49
  And I felt real conflicted about it.
• 12:53
  So, I don't know.
• 12:54
  Sometimes I wish this was a talk show and not just a podcast.
• 12:57
  Cause I would really like to hear.
• 13:00
  From other people on some of these topics, like the forgiveness thing and the chemical thing.
• 13:07
  But they're all related.
• 13:08
  They're related because I want to be in right relationship.
• 13:15
  During COVID I have a friend.
• 13:17
  And we started walking and you know, how everybody was keeping to just a few, a small circle of friends for their, for their community and for their social time without trying to infect everybody.
• 13:28
  So one of the things we did was we walked on this particular trail along the river.
• 13:34
  And to me as ourselves, we began to identify edible plants.
• 13:38
  And we would try to remember them.
• 13:41
  And come home and look them up.
• 13:43
  We didn't have reception.
• 13:44
  She had an app, so we would take pictures and then look them up later.
• 13:47
  And we would refer to our edible books when we got home.
• 13:50
  And it was so hard to remember.
• 13:53
  What the different things were like, I was shocked at how hard it was for me to remember.
• 13:58
  Because I generally have a pretty good catalog read memory for that.
• 14:01
  And it had been in my periphery for some years.
• 14:04
  So anyways, we did that for a couple of years, and then I moved to a different property further away.
• 14:10
  And once you start noticing edibles, you're going to notice them.
• 14:14
  You just, you can't turn it off.
• 14:16
  Right.
• 14:18
  So last spring.
• 14:20
  I had the idea that my food wasn't being very nutritious and I wanted to make some changes.
• 14:25
  So I began eating.
• 14:27
  Some of the superfoods that come out in the spring, the wild that is I started juicing some cleavers.
• 14:35
  I also found wild nettles.
• 14:39
  I had been looking for them for a long time and remembered a spot where they were.
• 14:45
  And I just craved them.
• 14:47
  Oh my gosh.
• 14:47
  I harvested some, I brought them home.
• 14:49
  I dried them.
• 14:51
  I made tea with them.
• 14:53
  And then I started cooking with them and made soup with them.
• 14:56
  I added them like you would oregano or basil to all kinds of dishes.
• 15:00
  And I just craved them.
• 15:01
  I couldn't get enough of these nettles.
• 15:05
  They are one of the most nutritious foods.
• 15:07
  And I remember a story about them.
• 15:10
  Sustaining people during world war II that had taken to hiding in the Hills and they are so high in protein and B vitamins more so than any other plant.
• 15:19
  That people were able to live off of nettles for weeks.
• 15:23
  Anyway, my body needed nettles.
• 15:25
  And eating the wild plants began to change my relationship with how I could remember them, how I would catalog, where they were.
• 15:33
  It put me in a different relationship with them.
• 15:36
  Which I found very, very interesting.
• 15:39
  And something shifted.
• 15:42
  I, I felt more energized and I've been depleted for a while.
• 15:46
  I've had a.
• 15:47
  I talk openly about it.
• 15:49
  I've had complex PTSD.
• 15:50
  I've had autistic burnout.
• 15:52
  I had a death in my family and.
• 15:56
  There are times when I just don't have much energy.
• 15:59
  And so these superfoods.
• 16:01
  We're really feeding me.
• 16:03
  So throughout the summer, I've noticed the more.
• 16:06
  And then I began to harvest herbs and save seeds.
• 16:09
  Between the springtime superfoods eating a lot of the weeds out of my garden, along with the plants that I grow.
• 16:16
  My intuition has increased.
• 16:17
  So when I went out to pick berries and I'm discovering things that in places that I walk regularly, that I never saw before I found black cap raspberries.
• 16:28
  There's a whole mountain of them and I have walked there, but I'd never saw them.
• 16:33
  Suddenly they're calling to me and I'm over and I'm picking them and I'm enjoying them and I'm saving their seeds.
• 16:39
  And next I learned about Sola berries, which some of my neighbors had talked about, but they're absolutely delicious.
• 16:47
  And.
• 16:48
  They are a super food.
• 16:50
  And then the Oregon grape along my driveway, that was so annoying and prickly.
• 16:55
  Oh, my gosh, they're my new favorite berries.
• 16:57
  They're too tart to eat alone.
• 17:00
  But when you put them in a syrup with the solo berries and with some elderberries and with some huckleberries, They are absolutely amazing.
• 17:11
  And.
• 17:12
  What I found is once I started eating them.
• 17:15
  I could find more berries, more easily.
• 17:19
  Now, I know that sounds a little, probably a little woo woo.
• 17:22
  To some of you, but again, I'm talking about.
• 17:24
  The connectivity.
• 17:26
  And it reminds me of when I first started with the horses.
• 17:31
  When I first started.
• 17:35
  Acknowledging that they had something to tell me.
• 17:39
  And listening.
• 17:41
  Rather than being in a position of dominance.
• 17:45
  There is a shift.
• 17:47
  A huge shift.
• 17:49
  And it's the same type of shift that I'm experienced eating.
• 17:54
  The wild DS.
• 17:56
  It puts me in a different relationship.
• 17:58
  It wakes at my intuition.
• 18:00
  The way, the horses and woken up my awareness.
• 18:06
  So the other day, I'm driving with a friend.
• 18:09
  On the logging roads here in Oregon.
• 18:12
  And she's complaining about her knee.
• 18:15
  Being quite painful.
• 18:16
  So I said, well, let me see if I can just pick out some things that would help your knee just to see how I do.
• 18:22
  And w w you know, we'll check it with technology.
• 18:24
  When we, when we get back into reception.
• 18:27
  So my, I fell upon a flower that I wasn't familiar with.
• 18:32
  And turns out it's called pearly everlasting.
• 18:36
  She was somewhat familiar with it.
• 18:37
  So we picked some pearly.
• 18:40
  And the next thing my eye fell on were some for cones.
• 18:44
  And there were trees.
• 18:46
  We're in.
• 18:47
  Replanted part of the forest that had maybe.
• 18:51
  10 twelve-year-old trees.
• 18:54
  And some of the fur cons were golden.
• 18:58
  They were less ripe.
• 18:59
  And some of them were darker brown.
• 19:02
  And my, I fell to the golden ones.
• 19:04
  And so we, we gathered some of those.
• 19:06
  So we came home and we Googled to ensure enough, both pearly everlasting and the SAP.
• 19:12
  From the greener cones that the brown or cones wouldn't have had the, the same amount of SAP in them.
• 19:19
  We're two things that in a compress would really help the swelling and pain in her knee.
• 19:25
  How did I know that I had no idea?
• 19:29
  My theory is because I've been eating.
• 19:34
  The wild plants.
• 19:35
  My relationship changed.
• 19:36
  My intuition changed and I am a great one for trusting intuition.
• 19:40
  I love to teach people about their intuition.
• 19:43
  The next thing that happened is we were driving on a different day.
• 19:47
  And my first husband used to talk about huckleberries and that his mother taught him along the Sacramento river, how to pick huckleberries.
• 19:55
  He could never remember the name of them because they weren't any of the berries that we see in the store or that we normally eat.
• 20:02
  And suddenly I look at this plant.
• 20:05
  And we were driving in one of the burns here in Oregon, and it's a shock to be in the burn like the first few times it's just, oh my gosh, I just cried and cried and cried, but now I love it because there's so much new growth and there's so much change in the burns.
• 20:19
  When I say the burdens, I mean the forest where the fires ravaged through.
• 20:24
  So we're driving and I see this plant and I'm like, what is that?
• 20:27
  Like my curiosity against suddenly like ding, ding, ding, it just like registered.
• 20:32
  So we stopped and went over and looked and we had a, we had a minute of reception where we were sure enough.
• 20:40
  They were huckleberries.
• 20:42
  And huckleberries are absolutely delicious.
• 20:45
  Turns out.
• 20:46
  They have like a thousand times more antioxidants and blueberries and y'all know how good blueberries are supposed to be for you.
• 20:53
  So another super food.
• 20:56
  So now we're making elderberry syrup.
• 21:00
  Four.
• 21:01
  To strengthen our immune systems and as a preventative for coughs and colds and flu.
• 21:06
  I'm making.
• 21:08
  An elderberry syrup that also has pearly everlasting and Mullen.
• 21:14
  And yarrow in it.
• 21:16
  For coughs and for decongestant and a histamine and expectorant and antibacterial.
• 21:26
  And I'm hoping that this will be a much better winter as far as sickness goes.
• 21:31
  So I wanted to tell you this, but there's this woman called she of the woods and she has a website.
• 21:37
  And a Google, a Google channel.
• 21:39
  And we happened upon her looking up the pearly everlasting.
• 21:44
  And she said a really interesting thing to me and not to me, but on her, on her YouTube, she said, Oh, I see a lots of yarrow here.
• 21:54
  With the pearly everlasting and she was in an Alpine meadow.
• 21:59
  And she's like, that's a good indicator of.
• 22:02
  And I'm getting goosebumps as I say this.
• 22:04
  So I know it's absolutely true.
• 22:06
  This is a good indicator of.
• 22:09
  The flues and sicknesses that are going to go around this year.
• 22:14
  So just like the hunters know when they kill a deer that has extra layers of fat for their area, that it's going to be a cold winter.
• 22:22
  This woman knows.
• 22:24
  When she sees the relationship of.
• 22:28
  How many plants in a particular area that she knows.
• 22:31
  Okay.
• 22:31
  There's more yarrow than there is pearly, which means we're probably going to have a year where we need more.
• 22:38
  Antiviral antibacterial treatments.
• 22:42
  Again, this is all being in right relationship.
• 22:45
  This is all just like the horses.
• 22:48
  Slowing down and dropping into observation.
• 22:53
  There's so much.
• 22:55
  Information available to us.
• 22:58
  If we do this.
• 22:59
  Not just from our intuition, but from our mother, the earth as well.
• 23:06
  These are just some things that I wanted to share that all seem connected.
• 23:11
  And There's another piece about the people.
• 23:14
  So I was visiting with another woman that I don't know very well yet.
• 23:20
  And she was expressing that sometimes there's trouble for her being in social situations.
• 23:28
  And that she's uncomfortable.
• 23:30
  And I think how many people do I know that are like that?
• 23:34
  How many people do I not know that I can see that in.
• 23:37
  Like, I may miss a lot of social cues, but I seem to have more information about their emotional state than sometimes they do themselves, which.
• 23:46
  Makes things even more.
• 23:47
  Awkward sometimes.
• 23:51
  A lot of us suffer from social anxiety.
• 23:54
  And w we should look at the way our culture is arranged.
• 23:59
  But when this woman said this, I, I offered that.
• 24:02
  I had recently discovered that I'm on the autism spectrum.
• 24:05
  And she had a big smile and said, yes, me too.
• 24:09
  So that's part of it, right.
• 24:12
  That's part of feeling out of place.
• 24:16
  But what I want to do.
• 24:19
  And what other people are trying to do is to create.
• 24:24
  More heart-centered.
• 24:28
  Social interaction.
• 24:30
  That is so much more satisfying and transparent.
• 24:34
  And doesn't have all of the games and.
• 24:38
  Just strange social customs that we have of pretending and lying and.
• 24:46
  Putting on masks that we are someone else altogether or being so focused on.
• 24:53
  As Eckhart totally talks about like the strings of identity, like.
• 24:58
  Who my family is what my work is, where I went on vacation.
• 25:02
  What I drive, where I live, how many square feet is my house?
• 25:06
  Where did I buy my clothes?
• 25:08
  All of these things are things that identify us.
• 25:12
  But they have nothing to do with our essence.
• 25:14
  Nothing.
• 25:17
  And.
• 25:18
  To me.
• 25:20
  Being able to be in right relationship with people.
• 25:24
  Would mean that we drop those identity things and be able to connect from the heart, but it is so, so hard.
• 25:33
  With a lot of people.
• 25:35
  And yet.
• 25:37
  I think that's one of the lessons that the horses have.
• 25:41
  When I welcome people into.
• 25:45
  The world of the horse.
• 25:47
  And slow everything down.
• 25:50
  All those identity pieces need to drop away.
• 25:54
  And maybe they don't all drop away magically all at once, but little by little.
• 26:00
  We get to a different place.
• 26:02
  And by paying attention to our intuition.
• 26:05
  And walking in the forest.
• 26:07
  Especially off trail.
• 26:09
  As hunters and gatherers did.
• 26:12
  We released a particular brain protein.
• 26:16
  For our brain health for our nervous system health, that's not available elsewhere.
• 26:22
  These are the things I'm interested in.
• 26:23
  These are the things I'm interested in cultivating.
• 26:28
  Because I know my nervous system.
• 26:30
  Needs as much right.
• 26:32
  Relationship.
• 26:34
  As I can get.
• 26:36
  How.
• 26:37
  I appreciate you listening, share the podcast with someone.
• 26:40
  If you can.
• 26:41
  Contact me if you'd like to be a guest.
• 26:45
  I'm opening up my podcast to.
• 26:48
  Other things that are not necessarily related to horses.
• 26:53
  I appreciate you listening.
• 26:56
  Ah,