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Red Flags are Red Flags · What Tha Group Chat Say

• 0:00
  Vonnie: Welcome to what tha group chat say.
• 0:02
  With Vonnie Keya, and Drea.
• 0:04
  Vonnie: So it sounds like we're gonna put Keya on the hot seat.
• 0:08
  Drea alluded to, um, you know, someone, someone that, uh, she's talking to right now, someone who's been waiting in the wings a long time.
• 0:20
  Keya: A long
• 0:20
  Vonnie: But that's gonna skip all the way to the end a long time.
• 0:24
  Keya: Yo
• 0:25
  Vonnie: So,
• 0:27
  Drea: How long has it been
• 0:28
  Vonnie: all right.
• 0:28
  Drea: like three years?
• 0:29
  Keya: four.
• 0:31
  We, me and George counted, it's been four.
• 0:35
  George has been waiting since, since my divorce.
• 0:39
  Drea: You've been, you've been divorced that long already.
• 0:42
  Keya: Um, it's been three
• 0:44
  Drea: feel it.
• 0:45
  Keya: years.
• 0:46
  Four almost.
• 0:47
  Drea: it yesterday.
• 0:49
  Keya: It do feel like it was just, it does feel like it, but nah, it's been like three and a half, I think going on four.
• 0:56
  Matter of fact, four this month.
• 0:59
  Yeah, I do
• 1:00
  Vonnie: For this month, I thought you said you had your four year divorce anniversary.
• 1:04
  Drea: Yeah, let's, um, let's talk about divorce.
• 1:07
  Vonnie: Well, let's back up.
• 1:10
  Let's back up to who I call Voldemort.
• 1:14
  Drea: Oh,
• 1:14
  Vonnie: Let's talk.
• 1:15
  Keya: Oh
• 1:18
  Drea: wait, lemme look at group chat.
• 1:20
  Lemme the group chat and see who that is though.
• 1:22
  I know by the, I know by the situation because said.
• 1:26
  Vonnie: Divorce number one.
• 1:28
  Drea: I know.
• 1:29
  Vonnie: What's
• 1:30
  Drea: But it just, it threw me off 'cause I haven't heard it verbally, you know
• 1:35
  Vonnie: right?
• 1:35
  Drea: usually in a text.
• 1:36
  So it just kind of threw me off.
• 1:38
  It threw me off.
• 1:39
  Keya: Voldemort baby.
• 1:41
  Ah, what do we, what do we wanna know about Voldemort?
• 1:46
  Vonnie: So we talked about, you know, he married young,
• 1:53
  Keya: Yes,
• 1:54
  Vonnie: I think young, right?
• 1:55
  I think now that we're older, anything under
• 1:57
  Keya: girl.
• 1:57
  I
• 1:57
  Vonnie: anything under thirties Marrying young.
• 1:59
  Keya: 22 or 24.
• 2:01
  Yeah.
• 2:02
  That was young.
• 2:03
  Hell yeah.
• 2:04
  Vonnie: Any of us young.
• 2:05
  That's young.
• 2:05
  Drea: know I
• 2:05
  Vonnie: Anything,
• 2:06
  Drea: a kid already.
• 2:07
  Vonnie: right?
• 2:08
  It's still young.
• 2:09
  Um, so yeah.
• 2:12
  You married young.
• 2:13
  What, what wasn't working out as far as you knew?
• 2:19
  I need a divorce.
• 2:21
  Keya: So it was, I honestly, I would've kept going and going with it until started messing with my mental, like he was just
• 2:35
  Drea: Oh.
• 2:36
  Keya: dumb shit.
• 2:38
  Like to fuck with me personally, just with everything that I had been through growing up.
• 2:44
  Like he would do shit to fuck with my traumas, you know, and
• 2:49
  Drea: remember you saying that years ago.
• 2:52
  Keya: right.
• 2:53
  Drea: before you decided.
• 2:55
  I, I remember that.
• 2:56
  Keya: And so it was like, okay, what the hell?
• 3:01
  Like, grow up, stop doing this.
• 3:04
  So then from there
• 3:05
  Vonnie: Yeah.
• 3:06
  Keya: from, okay, you're not gonna stop.
• 3:10
  Then I, we both just started cheating.
• 3:14
  Like, it's like, okay, then fuck it.
• 3:17
  Like, cool.
• 3:18
  I
• 3:18
  Drea: wait a minute.
• 3:19
  You cheated.
• 3:20
  Hold on.
• 3:20
  You cheated.
• 3:21
  Keya: girl,
• 3:21
  Vonnie: that.
• 3:22
  I didn't know that.
• 3:23
  Drea: I think I do, but I think I probably didn't.
• 3:26
  I probably just,
• 3:27
  Keya: yeah.
• 3:28
  Drea: kept, I, you know, I used to go out all the time, so yeah, I minding my business.
• 3:35
  Vonnie: Still, I've always wondered that, and now that I know someone who I don't feel is a bad person, what makes you then be like, I'm okay to cross that line to cheat?
• 3:46
  Keya: So what made it okay to cheat?
• 3:50
  In my, in my then young ass mind was?
• 3:53
  Well, he's doing it so, why not??
• 3:56
  Like he started cheating with women at his job.
• 4:02
  Now you
• 4:04
  Drea: two places.
• 4:05
  Everybody, you do not creep at
• 4:07
  your job.
• 4:08
  Keya: Listen
• 4:09
  Drea: and your, and where you live.
• 4:11
  Keya: and where you live,
• 4:14
  Drea: Like we don't do that.
• 4:16
  Okay.
• 4:17
  Sorry.
• 4:17
  Go ahead.
• 4:18
  Vonnie: Guilty.
• 4:18
  Keya: and he ain't care.
• 4:20
  So it was somebody at his job then it was, he met somebody in New York or something like that.
• 4:30
  But like he met 'em online or some crazy shit.
• 4:32
  And they started, um, they started like.
• 4:39
  the height of social media.
• 4:41
  Like this girl
• 4:43
  Vonnie: Mm.
• 4:43
  Keya: a fake Facebook page pretended like she was some dude, like emailing me and all this like talk like it was some crazy shit.
• 4:53
  And then like, and like the dude the girl that he was fucking with was acting like, or asking like, send me pictures.
• 5:05
  This.
• 5:05
  I'm not sending you no fucking pictures.
• 5:07
  The fuck.
• 5:09
  Vonnie: Right?
• 5:10
  Keya: then when it came out, like it was this girl that he was
• 5:16
  Vonnie: Like she was trying to get you to, I don't know.
• 5:20
  Keya: have some pictures be like, oh look, your baby mama, yo, your wife, whatever, a ho this, that, and the third, um, is doing whatever because at this time, he.
• 5:36
  We were actually about to just separate into two separate homes.
• 5:41
  we were about to separate, I think when he met her.
• 5:44
  Then when he did meet, like I, when they started making plans to meet up, um, we weren't in two separate homes, but mind you, our two separate homes was right across the street, like right across the highway.
• 5:58
  And he made up, um, no, we were in the same neighborhood.
• 6:04
  He made up some lie why he couldn't come get the kids and y'all know me
• 6:11
  Vonnie: Right.
• 6:12
  Keya: baby, listen, who?
• 6:13
  You can't come get our kids right?
• 6:16
  So I drove around to the house and his car was parked.
• 6:24
  Outside Now that's unusual 'cause you always park in the garage.
• 6:29
  So who the fuck is in the house?
• 6:32
  And you talking about you got this, you got that.
• 6:35
  I went to put my key in the door 'cause I still had keys 'cause we were only separated.
• 6:41
  Vonnie: Uh huh.
• 6:41
  Keya: Um, then the top latch was locked.
• 6:46
  Like
• 6:47
  Vonnie: Ooh.
• 6:49
  Keya: who is you playing with?
• 6:51
  so I go to open the door and it's locked, but I can hear shuffling of feet.
• 6:55
  so now you think I'm stupid.
• 6:57
  So I told him, I'm gonna whoop you in that bitch ass.
• 7:00
  Know that I get in this door.
• 7:03
  You and that bitch finna So yeah, I was about that life
• 7:08
  Vonnie Russell: probably
• 7:08
  Keya: still am about that life.
• 7:10
  Um, but.
• 7:11
  Vonnie: Chicago came out,
• 7:13
  Drea: In our twenties.
• 7:14
  I feel in our twenties, I feel like the things that we've done, and I'm gonna just put out there that
• 7:22
  Vonnie: we'll get to you.
• 7:23
  Drea: No, no, but listen, I'm gonna say, but, but look, all I'm gonna say is thank goodness, back then there was no fucking ring cameras.
• 7:31
  No fucking ring cameras.
• 7:34
  And you know what I'm saying?
• 7:35
  No fucking phones that can, that videotape us and be like, look at this crazy shit right here.
• 7:41
  Keya: listen,
• 7:42
  Drea: I just have
• 7:42
  Vonnie: He didn't go on Facebook Live.
• 7:45
  It was no live.
• 7:46
  Keya: I'm,
• 7:47
  Drea: Look at my neighbors.
• 7:48
  Keya: Listen.
• 7:49
  I'm so glad.
• 7:51
  So all that to say it was not right to cheat, but in my mind it was like, oh, okay, this is what we on.
• 8:00
  So I started cheating with someone that I knew before that y'all know.
• 8:10
  Vonnie: So
• 8:13
  now we fast forward.
• 8:14
  So how is now dating post that?
• 8:16
  Because that just sounds like a very.
• 8:19
  Trauma, filled relationship, especially towards the end.
• 8:23
  And now you had young kids, so how are you navigating that?
• 8:28
  Because I'm sure just knowing you, you weren't like introducing them to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
• 8:35
  Keya: And that was the thing.
• 8:37
  That's why I didn't really date after that.
• 8:41
  Like I met some people, I had my little
• 8:45
  Vonnie: Mm-hmm.
• 8:45
  Keya: on POF, I met one motherfucker left that shit alone.
• 8:52
  Um, and then I met somebody out here in San Tan.
• 8:56
  But again, like you said, my kids never seen them, never met them.
• 9:01
  I went back into the people I already knew.
• 9:05
  So I ended up just back with.
• 9:10
  The person I was messing with.
• 9:13
  And that, that's how it was like I did it.
• 9:15
  'cause I did have young kids and I not introduce them new people.
• 9:22
  Like, it just, it just wasn't in me.
• 9:24
  You know?
• 9:24
  Our mamas like, you can't have all these men around your kids.
• 9:27
  So I, nah, I didn't, I ended up with the person that I married for my second marriage.
• 9:37
  Vonnie: And now, how long was that in between when you got divorced and then you met your former husband?
• 9:43
  Keya: Um, I knew my former husband the whole time, so
• 9:49
  Vonnie: Yeah.
• 9:52
  Keya: But the time,
• 9:54
  Vonnie: knew him in that way, but, or you guys just kind of like ran around the same circles or?
• 10:00
  Keya: we didn't run around in same circles at all.
• 10:02
  Like, I met him at the club.
• 10:07
  Like a couple of weeks before I was supposed to marry Voldemort
• 10:13
  Vonnie: Okay.
• 10:14
  Keya: and yeah.
• 10:16
  Mm, that kicked off.
• 10:18
  And then left each other alone for a long while.
• 10:23
  'cause he got married, um, I was getting married and then he got divorced.
• 10:33
  still married, so we still didn't really see each other.
• 10:36
  But then we started seeing each other at like, the time me and Voldemort was, eh.
• 10:43
  So yeah, we started cheating.
• 10:45
  I will say I started cheating because he was divorced.
• 10:50
  I wasn't yet, so, yeah.
• 10:52
  Vonnie: Right.
• 10:53
  So then what made this one different, right?
• 10:57
  Because with your sensitivity about having men around your kids where you were like, okay.
• 11:04
  I see this is something different or special.
• 11:08
  Was it when, um, you got into your new religion or how did that kind of play in with you?
• 11:15
  Keya: Um, so getting into it didn't even have to do stepping into the word because I wasn't even in the word just yet.
• 11:26
  What made him different?
• 11:27
  Um, So, um,
• 11:33
  all have long held that,
• 11:38
  the second husband was I fell in love with at like first sight.
• 11:45
  They, I don't know how it happened.
• 11:47
  Maybe it was the fact that we were both from Chicago that I, I don't know what it was, but I love that man since like first meeting him and it was crazy.
• 12:00
  So I've always said that he was my soulmate.
• 12:05
  um, then it was, I don't, we hung out at Kiwanas, like we had a. Part where we brought both our children to the park it was just kind of like, okay, let's see this.
• 12:23
  Like, and it, it just clicked.
• 12:27
  And so he was so amazing with the kids then, like, so amazing.
• 12:33
  So it was like, okay, this was good.
• 12:36
  And how I made that jump, um, to say that, okay, he can meet the kids.
• 12:44
  I don't even remember when, I think it was probably on one of these moons of like, okay, well I'm doing this for real with you.
• 12:56
  Um, it's about time you meet the kids.
• 12:59
  I mean, of course years have elapsed, but it into, okay, we can meet each other's children.
• 13:10
  Um.
• 13:11
  And we kinda went from there um, his, his issues were always there, I would have to admit.
• 13:20
  But I ignored it
• 13:24
  I loved him.
• 13:25
  And at this point we had already gotten married.
• 13:30
  And you know, the Bible says.
• 13:33
  No divorce unless cheating.
• 13:35
  And I hadn't cheated.
• 13:37
  He hadn't cheated.
• 13:38
  So we had no choice but to work it out.
• 13:40
  Like I'm, I'm gonna work it out And yeah, we didn't work that shit out.
• 13:46
  Vonnie: So what do you think now?
• 13:49
  I mean there were two different reasons, kind of, I guess from his perspective, maybe the same reason,
• 13:56
  Keya: right.
• 13:56
  It's
• 13:56
  Vonnie: Why you got divorced according to him, although you were not unfaithful in your second marriage,
• 14:04
  Keya: No.
• 14:04
  Vonnie: although, you know, right.
• 14:07
  So what do you think ultimately you've learned about yourself?
• 14:12
  I mean, going through this twice and you know, dating and because you said here the issues that he had.
• 14:19
  That ultimately led to probably how he framed everything up that led to this divorce.
• 14:25
  Were always there and you ignored them.
• 14:27
  Keya: Yep.
• 14:27
  Vonnie: have you learned to not do that?
• 14:29
  Or what is your,
• 14:31
  Keya: So,
• 14:32
  Vonnie: you know, you,
• 14:34
  Keya: um, what I learned, what I learned, what I learned is see the red flag, leave that bitch on the field and walk away.
• 14:46
  That's what I've learned.
• 14:48
  Um, a red flag is a red flag is a red flag.
• 14:53
  Y'all don't think that you can change the red flag to green.
• 14:59
  It Ain't gonna happen.
• 15:01
  Vonnie: That's a bar.
• 15:05
  So really the lesson wasn't really about either of your marriages, but more about self-reflection.
• 15:14
  That's really interesting.
• 15:16
  So now let's go ahead and pivot a little bit.
• 15:24
  What you looking for
• 15:28
  like now?
• 15:28
  Like what are you looking for?
• 15:29
  Like a good person?
• 15:30
  Are you looking to get married again?
• 15:32
  Um.
• 15:33
  Keya: um.
• 15:34
  So here, here's where I am so pin to put a period in the second marriage.
• 15:42
  Um,
• 15:43
  Vonnie: Yeah.
• 15:44
  Keya: I want y'all, I ain't going to even hold y'all in suspense.
• 15:47
  No, I did not cheat.
• 15:49
  I did lie to the man.
• 15:53
  Yeah.
• 15:54
  But now I learned my lesson from the first one.
• 15:56
  So I did not cheat.
• 16:00
  and, the marriage ended as a result of his actions, um,
• 16:10
  the lie that I told him.
• 16:13
  So do I wanna get married again?
• 16:17
  Yes, Why?
• 16:20
  Because y'all know the Bible say sex is for married people and y'all know y'all girl been over here sex free for four years.
• 16:27
  So I do wanna get married,
• 16:30
  Vonnie: I feel though that you've always been like a relationship person though.
• 16:33
  Anyway.
• 16:35
  I feel like you liked Yeah.
• 16:36
  You like being in a, in a relationship, not anything ambiguous.
• 16:41
  Like you usually aren't afraid of commitment or anything like that
• 16:46
  Keya: not at all.
• 16:47
  So, yeah.
• 16:51
  Drea: Admire people like her who, um, have gotten divorced, but yet still open to love and not close it off.
• 16:59
  So I, I admire that.
• 17:01
  I admire anyone like that.
• 17:02
  I'm like that just so people know.
• 17:04
  I'm like that.
• 17:05
  Low key, hopeless, romantic, and cheer on all relationships.
• 17:09
  But I'm like, good with what I'm doing right now, if that makes sense.
• 17:13
  But I definitely am a cheerleader for it because I, I respect it.
• 17:19
  Vonnie: yeah.
• 17:19
  No, I know a lot of divorced people who are like never again, right?
• 17:22
  There's like one and done or two and done.
• 17:25
  But Keya has always been like an optimistically.
• 17:29
  I wanna be in a serious relationship type person to make, even when we were kids.
• 17:32
  You guys are funny.
• 17:34
  Yeah, so who knows?
• 17:35
  You know, maybe we'll talk about the single life or the married life, or not even relationships at all.
• 17:41
  We don't just talk about relationships, we
• 17:43
  Keya: We shol don't
• 17:43
  Vonnie: talk about all kinds of other stuff,
• 17:46
  Drea: Got a lot talking shit about work
• 17:49
  Keya: Aw man
• 17:49
  Drea: people
• 17:50
  Vonnie: So stay tuned and see what tha group chat say next time.
• 17:57
  Keya: Come back.
• 17:58
  Because our group chat say a lot.