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Marriage and Parenting as Discipleship (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 2 - 337 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:08
Daniel Moore: This week, we're diving into a conversation that honestly could not be more important in the world we're raising kids in right now.
0:14
Daniel Moore: Because whether we realize it or not, somebody is discipling our children every single day.
0:20
Daniel Moore: The culture has a voice.
0:22
Daniel Moore: Social media has a voice.
0:23
Daniel Moore: Algorithms have a voice.
0:25
Daniel Moore: Screens are preaching sermons nonstop to the next generation.
0:29
Daniel Moore: And if we're not intentional as parents, those voices can become louder than ours.
0:34
Daniel Moore: We live in a time where families are busy, exhausted, stretched thin, and constantly distracted.
0:41
Daniel Moore: And somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, meaningful discipleship at home can slowly begin to disappear without us even noticing.
0:49
Daniel Moore: But this episode is not about guilt, it's about calling.
0:52
Daniel Moore: Because God did not accidentally place your children in your home.
0:56
Daniel Moore: He entrusted them to you on purpose.
0:58
Daniel Moore: Parenting is not just behavior management, survival mode, or getting everybody through the week without another trip to the emergency room because somebody jumped off the couch pretending to be Moses parting the Red Sea.
1:09
Daniel Moore: Parenting is kingdom work, it is discipleship.
1:13
Daniel Moore: And this week, we're going to talk about what it looks like to intentionally raise children who know Christ while also protecting and strengthening the unity of your marriage in the process.
1:22
Daniel Moore: Because one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is not perfect parenting, but a Christ-entered home where mom and dad are pursuing Jesus together.
1:31
Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
1:39
Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies, and we interview people that have inspiring stories.
1:44
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
1:45
Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us.
1:46
Daniel Moore: Over here next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
1:49
Daniel Moore: Hey, hey.
1:50
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1:54
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1:55
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2:02
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2:07
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2:11
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2:14
Daniel Moore: And we'd be thankful to you for doing that.
2:17
Daniel Moore: Well, last week we started off another episode.
2:20
Daniel Moore: It was episode seven in our series on marriage as a mission, which follows the first book that we released here at Connecting the Gap.
2:29
Daniel Moore: And as usual, you can go pick that up anywhere that you can get books.
2:33
Daniel Moore: There's also a link for this in the show notes as well.
2:36
Daniel Moore: So you can actually click there and purchase it if you haven't done so yet.
2:40
Daniel Moore: And we're going to go ahead and get back into part two this week.
2:43
Daniel Moore: We went through part one last week, and I think we covered a lot of really good territory.
2:48
Daniel Moore: So this week we're going to go ahead and finish up episode seven, Marriage and Parenting as Discipleship.
3:22
Michelle Moore: And listen, I'm not here to make anyone feel guilty about that.
3:26
Michelle Moore: Life is expensive, and most families are doing what they have to do.
3:31
Michelle Moore: But we have to be honest about what the reality costs us relationally when we're not intentional about protecting family time.
3:39
Michelle Moore: Because here's what's filling the gap left by parental presence, the screens.
3:45
Michelle Moore: American teenagers are averaging seven hours of screen time a day.
3:51
Michelle Moore: Seven hours.
3:53
Michelle Moore: Not for school, just for entertainment and social media.
3:59
Michelle Moore: That's essentially a full-time job, except the employer is an algorithm that doesn't care about your child's soul.
4:07
Michelle Moore: And as screen time goes up, meaningful parent-child conversations go down.
4:14
Michelle Moore: The dinner table conversations, the car ride talks, the how is your day and I actually want to know moments, those are disappearing.
4:25
Michelle Moore: And with them goes something irreplaceable: the transmission of values, faith, and purpose from one generation to the next.
4:34
Michelle Moore: When we hand our kids a device to keep them quiet, we may be accidentally handing them their discipleship to someone else.
4:44
Michelle Moore: The American Psychological Association has flagged that children today are experiencing higher levels of anxiety and depression than previous generations.
4:56
Michelle Moore: And part of that is directly tied to the erosion of family communication and parental involvement.
5:04
Michelle Moore: Kids weren't designed to figure out who they are without us.
5:08
Michelle Moore: They need us in the room and they need us present.
5:12
Michelle Moore: Sociologist Christian Smith, in his research on the spiritual lives of American teenagers, coined a phrase that should haunt every Christian parent: moralistic, therapeutic, deasm.
5:27
Michelle Moore: Basically, it's a vague, watered-down spirituality that says, be a good person.
5:34
Michelle Moore: God exists somewhere out there, and he wants you to be happy with no deep conviction, no biblical foundation, and no costly discipleship.
5:45
Michelle Moore: And the scary part, it's not that our kids are rejecting faith, it's they were never really given one because no one has sat down and talked to them about it.
5:56
Michelle Moore: Jonathan Hayt's work echoes this, noting a generation that makes decisions based on feelings rather than principles.
6:05
Michelle Moore: And again, that's not an accident.
6:08
Michelle Moore: That's the fruit of the children growing up without consistent moral and spiritual formation at the home.
6:16
Michelle Moore: A generation that was never taught what to believe will believe whatever it feels.
6:24
Daniel Moore: And as we start off this week's episode, we kind of touched on this real lightly last week about the screens.
6:29
Daniel Moore: But I think whenever we actually start putting the statistics to it and we start seeing the actual numbers of how this is actually affecting children, I think it really heightens the awareness for us as adults and parents of how important it is that we shouldn't let our kids rely on that type of thing all the time for entertainment.
6:52
Daniel Moore: You know, your brother, he's an existent principal at a middle school.
6:57
Daniel Moore: And how many times has he has he talked to us and we've had conversations about the effect of kids having devices all the time?
7:06
Michelle Moore: Well, it's it's talked about quite a bit.
7:08
Daniel Moore: It's a huge issue.
7:09
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
7:09
Daniel Moore: And, you know, parents will fight the schools over making sure their kids have their phones in their hands.
7:15
Michelle Moore: And you know, we were kids, we didn't even have phones.
7:18
Daniel Moore: I know.
7:19
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's something that today has become a crutch, really.
7:25
Daniel Moore: And it's a very bad habit, to be quite honest.
7:28
Daniel Moore: You know, the the parents around here where we live at have we've actually had a couple of instances where uh this exact subject's been brought up on social media, how the kids need their phones taken away while they're in classroom because it's taking away from their studying, it's taken away from their attention span.
7:46
Daniel Moore: Uh they're sitting there on their phones doing things that they shouldn't be uh instead of studying and that kind of thing.
7:52
Daniel Moore: And those parents, they go mad.
7:54
Daniel Moore: Well, I can't get a hold of my kid if something happens.
7:57
Daniel Moore: What if somebody breaks into the school and does this or that?
8:01
Daniel Moore: Well, school's been here for hundreds, you know, hundreds of years.
8:04
Daniel Moore: Why was that not a worry back in the day?
8:06
Daniel Moore: Right.
8:07
Michelle Moore: It's like, no, I get it.
8:08
Daniel Moore: What is so different now that you're so worried about being able to contact your kid instead of calling the school on their phone, just like back in the day when you and I were in school, that's how you had to do it.
8:19
Daniel Moore: And your kids can learn.
8:22
Michelle Moore: But you know, this I also think, and I mean you can tell me if I'm wrong or not.
8:26
Michelle Moore: It I also think that as parents, we don't do a very good job of being an example of that.
8:33
Michelle Moore: Because how many times have you got in a car and you've driven somewhere or driven somewhere like a couple of minutes and you're like, oh my gosh, I don't have my phone.
8:40
Michelle Moore: Yeah, I gotta turn around.
8:41
Michelle Moore: It's like you can't live without that phone yourself.
8:44
Michelle Moore: So you're setting that example that that phone is more important than anything.
8:48
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
8:49
Daniel Moore: And you pass people all the time that are driving with their eyeballs glued to the phone, not even paying attention to the road in front of them.
8:56
Michelle Moore: I have been guilty of that a time or two.
8:59
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it it's easy to do.
9:01
Daniel Moore: I'm not gonna lie.
9:02
Daniel Moore: There's a time or two that I've done it.
9:03
Daniel Moore: I try to avoid not doing that unless it's just something that I've deemed to be important.
9:08
Michelle Moore: It has to be extremely important and it's like a a talk to text.
9:12
Michelle Moore: It's not like, you know, looking.
9:14
Daniel Moore: But even then, should we be doing that?
9:16
Daniel Moore: Probably not, because the safety factor isn't really there that used to be there back in the day whenever there's still trying.
9:23
Daniel Moore: And so this is just probably a lesson and a wake-up call for all of us, honestly.
9:28
Daniel Moore: You know, as we go through this episode, there's just things that you just have to think about.
9:32
Daniel Moore: There's things that you have to approach when you're thinking about how your kids are growing up and that example that we're setting for them as parents.
9:40
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, you just got to be careful with all of that.
9:44
Daniel Moore: You know, the thing is, is this episode's not about despair.
9:49
Daniel Moore: We're not trying to, you know, hit all the bad stuff here right off the bat necessarily on purpose.
9:54
Daniel Moore: This is about calling.
9:55
Daniel Moore: And if you're a Christian parent, you don't just have a responsibility here, you actually have what's called a privilege, a holy, weighty, beautiful privilege.
10:05
Daniel Moore: You actually get to be the person who shapes an eternal soul.
10:08
Daniel Moore: So awesome.
10:09
Daniel Moore: I mean, think about that.
10:11
Daniel Moore: Let that sink in for a second.
10:13
Daniel Moore: God didn't hand your child to a school, he didn't hand them to a screen or a social media influencer.
10:19
Daniel Moore: God handed them to you, the parent.
10:23
Daniel Moore: And that's not accidental, that's intentional.
10:25
Daniel Moore: That's a sovereign choice that God made.
10:28
Michelle Moore: I so wish I had that when we had our children.
10:32
Daniel Moore: It sure makes your perspective be different.
10:33
Michelle Moore: And you know what?
10:34
Michelle Moore: It's in the Bible.
10:35
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
10:36
Michelle Moore: You I've read it, you know, and it's just I never applied it, and I wish I could go back and apply it because I think things would have turned out differently.
10:46
Michelle Moore: But so goes as it is, but this is so important.
10:50
Michelle Moore: And when you s when you read let that sink in for a second, I mean, if you really think about that, that biblical principle of raising your children, of how God entrusted us with that.
11:02
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
11:02
Daniel Moore: And just looking at it that it's a privilege that we get our kids, I would have disciplined differently.
11:07
Daniel Moore: I would have handled a lot of the situations and the conflictive things that happen between us and the children.
11:13
Daniel Moore: I would have handled that probably a lot differently.
11:15
Daniel Moore: Because sometimes your kids seem to be more of a burden than a privilege, especially when they're being hateful to you and they're upset and mad and throwing timber tantrums in the middle of Walmart on the floor.
11:28
Daniel Moore: Those are not moments you think about, oh, this is such a privilege to be a parent.
11:32
Michelle Moore: It's a very challenging time at that time.
11:34
Michelle Moore: Yes.
11:34
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, we that's where, you know, having that Christ-like mind comes into play.
11:40
Michelle Moore: That's so good.
11:41
Daniel Moore: Because when we have Christ in there and we try 24-7 just to keep ourselves biblical oriented and the biblical way, then when these situations do come up like that, our natural instinct at that moment is to approach it in a Christ-like manner.
11:58
Daniel Moore: And so we don't have the blow-ups, the big blow-ups necessarily, like we do when we don't keep Christ in the middle of those answers.
12:08
Daniel Moore: And so as we continue here, we got some with some biblical foundation that we want to share with you guys about your kids.
12:16
Daniel Moore: And why don't you go ahead and share the first one with us?
12:19
Michelle Moore: Yeah, the first one of the biblical foundation is your kids belong to God first.
12:24
Michelle Moore: That is found in Psalm 127.3, and it says, Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring, a reward from Him.
12:35
Michelle Moore: The word heritage there isn't just a nigh sentiment, it means inheritance, a trust, a legacy.
12:44
Michelle Moore: Your children don't ultimately belong to you, they are alone from God who loves them even more than you do, and that's saying something.
12:54
Michelle Moore: Which means the way you raise them has internal implications, not just earthly ones.
13:01
Michelle Moore: You're not just raising your children, you're stewarding souls.
13:06
Daniel Moore: And you know, it's funny this word comes back up because you and I was talking about this last night.
13:11
Daniel Moore: When we look at everything biblically and everything about us, who we are in Christ, who we are in our marriages, here it is again, who we are as parents and how we raise our families.
13:23
Daniel Moore: When you look throughout the New Testament, even in the Old Testament, it's a it's a major theme, but you see stewardship.
13:28
Daniel Moore: Everywhere that you look, anything that God has his hand in first and he passes it off to us as his creation, he gives that to us with an expectation that we're going to steward it wisely.
13:42
Daniel Moore: And you can see in Proverbs, for instance, there's lots of scriptures in Proverbs about good stewardship.
13:48
Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of times we want to just pinpoint this on money.
13:52
Daniel Moore: You know, we hear a lot of stewarding sermons on money, tithing and all that kind of thing.
13:57
Daniel Moore: But that just that's just the tip of the iceberg.
13:59
Daniel Moore: Everything that we do in our life, that God, you know, it's from God.
14:04
Daniel Moore: It's privileges that He gives us.
14:06
Daniel Moore: He's created it all, He passes it off to us to handle it.
14:10
Daniel Moore: So therefore, He expects us to steward it in a godly manner.
14:14
Daniel Moore: And He gives us those in the directions and the instructions on how to do that.
14:19
Daniel Moore: And so I think when we look at it this way, that you know, when we're disciplining our kids, if we're doing it too harshly, we're being too mean, we're actually doing that to something that belongs to God because they are God's first.
14:35
Michelle Moore: Yeah, that's good.
14:38
Daniel Moore: Yeah, to steward.
14:39
Daniel Moore: And we're not just like it says there, we're not just raising children, we're actually stewarding their souls.
14:44
Daniel Moore: So how are we going to steward then?
14:46
Daniel Moore: Are we really concerned about not only how our kids grow up, but are we concerned about God's thoughts about how we are raising our kids?
14:55
Daniel Moore: Because God's just as He's more invested in than we are, He's the one that created them.
15:00
Daniel Moore: And so I think that's something that we have to think about a lot whenever we model marriage in front of our kids.
15:07
Daniel Moore: And when we raise them, is we've always got to keep that in mind.
15:10
Daniel Moore: I think I'm glad that's number one.
15:11
Daniel Moore: That's a very good point to start out with, is it gets right down to the brunt of it.
15:16
Daniel Moore: Your kids belong to God before they belong to anybody else.
15:19
Daniel Moore: So the second one here is discipleship happens in the ordinary.
15:23
Daniel Moore: And in Deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7, that we mentioned last week, it's the cornerstone passage here.
15:29
Daniel Moore: God tells his people, these commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.
15:34
Daniel Moore: Impress them on your children, talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, when you get up.
15:40
Daniel Moore: Notice that God didn't say, Send them to the right program.
15:44
Daniel Moore: He didn't say, drop them at church and hope for the best.
15:49
Daniel Moore: He said, You in the car, at the table, at bedtime, in the morning, you're not passing the buck off to somebody else to raise your kids.
15:58
Daniel Moore: God gave this responsibility to you, the parent.
16:02
Daniel Moore: The discipleship of your children is woven into your daily rhythm.
16:06
Daniel Moore: It's not a special event, it's a lifestyle.
16:10
Daniel Moore: Now, if we stare and think about this for a minute, that means that some of our most powerful parenting moments might happen when we're tired, when we've had a long day, when we'd rather just watch TV.
16:22
Daniel Moore: And then at that moment, our kids ask that question, and you know the one, you know, we have the choice to deflect or engage.
16:30
Daniel Moore: Well, anytime our kids have those questions and it's an opportunity for us to pour into them, it's an opportunity for us to maybe give them some good advice, then we need to choose to engage every time.
16:46
Daniel Moore: We need to make sure that that's our priority because those are the learning moments that your kids, and and in some cases, those might be the moments the kids remember for a lifetime.
16:57
Daniel Moore: Uh, that time that I asked dad or I asked mom this question, and if you know, as an adult, I look back, that was probably a stupid question, but they treated it like it was the most important question that ever been asked.
17:09
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
17:09
Daniel Moore: I mean, imagine how your kids respond to that.
17:12
Daniel Moore: And so I think that, you know, with point number two here, we have to make sure that no matter what the case is, no matter what the situation with our life is at that moment, because you know, it's as adults with work and everything that goes on, we do get exhausted by the end of the day.
17:29
Michelle Moore: We do.
17:29
Daniel Moore: But just because we're exhausted doesn't mean our responsibilities as a parent shuts off for the night.
17:36
Daniel Moore: We still need to be able to engage with our kids in a good manner to help them grow and learn more about marriage in Christ.
17:43
Daniel Moore: So what's the next one there?
17:45
Michelle Moore: Yeah, the number three is plant early and plant deep.
17:50
Michelle Moore: Proverbs 22, 6 says, train up a child in the way he should go.
17:56
Michelle Moore: Even when he is old, he will not depart from it.
17:59
Michelle Moore: This is both a principle and a promise.
18:02
Michelle Moore: The seeds you plant early, the bedtime prayers, the scripture memory, the honest conversations about faith, doubt, and grace, those seeds won't disappear.
18:14
Michelle Moore: They go underground sometimes, but they grow.
18:19
Michelle Moore: Don't despise those small moments.
18:22
Michelle Moore: Those small moments are the ministry.
18:25
Michelle Moore: The faith you whisper over your child at night may be the anchor that holds them in the storm.
18:31
Michelle Moore: You'll never see.
18:33
Daniel Moore: And I like this one because sometimes we do do things that we don't see instant results.
18:39
Daniel Moore: And there's times as parents we might think, well, that was a worthless conversation.
18:44
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like maybe you're trying to pour into your kid about something and they just don't quite see it your way.
18:50
Daniel Moore: And maybe they walk away in a, you know, prideful spirit or whatever, and you think they never they didn't listen to a word you said.
18:57
Daniel Moore: But you know you never know.
18:59
Daniel Moore: Once you do speak it into them, it is there.
19:02
Daniel Moore: That seed has been planted.
19:04
Daniel Moore: And all you can do at that point is pray over that seed that God will water it and that it it will grow inside of them, and someday they'll be walking along, something will happen, it'll trigger them.
19:14
Daniel Moore: They'll think, that's what my parent was talking to me about that day.
19:18
Daniel Moore: And I'm so glad they did that because now that helped me in this situation.
19:21
Daniel Moore: That's good.
19:22
Daniel Moore: And I think that's just a good way to look at that.
19:24
Daniel Moore: So don't give up on any of those, like it says, small moments.
19:29
Daniel Moore: Take advantage of all of that to you know have the opportunity to plant that seed.
19:33
Daniel Moore: The next one is lead with love and not just law.
19:36
Daniel Moore: And this one is probably a really good one for me to be sharing.
19:39
Daniel Moore: Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4 gives parents and specifically fathers, this charge.
19:46
Daniel Moore: Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
19:51
Daniel Moore: Well, in this verse, there's a tension there.
19:53
Daniel Moore: It's discipline and love, structure and grace, authority and relationship.
20:01
Daniel Moore: And the honest truth about this scripture is that parenting without relationship produces religion.
20:06
Daniel Moore: Parenting with relationship produces faith.
20:10
Daniel Moore: Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.
20:13
Daniel Moore: And we've all seen it.
20:15
Daniel Moore: Maybe some of us have lived it.
20:16
Daniel Moore: The goal isn't to raise kids who behave correctly in front of us, it's to raise kids who love Jesus when we're not in the room.
20:24
Daniel Moore: And I can definitely, as a personal example, relate with this because I was a very hard disciplinarian when our kids grew up.
20:35
Daniel Moore: I was very hard on our kids, and there's a lot of times that I took things way too far.
20:41
Daniel Moore: I disciplined out of anger, and you know that gets you nowhere good.
20:45
Daniel Moore: And honestly, the kids probably didn't learn nothing from that except that I was a mean person during that time.
20:53
Daniel Moore: And as it says there, I didn't have the right relationship with the kids when all of that was going on.
21:01
Daniel Moore: And my parents were the same way.
21:03
Daniel Moore: They disciplined exactly the same way.
21:06
Daniel Moore: And I can tell you, when I got in my upper teenage years, I didn't have much of a relationship with my parents.
21:10
Daniel Moore: I rebelled.
21:11
Daniel Moore: And I've seen plenty of other friends of mine rebel because they got treated the same way.
21:17
Daniel Moore: Now the Bible does say spare the rod, spoil the child, and it talks a lot about how to discipline kids.
21:24
Daniel Moore: But the truth of this whole thing is that if we focus more on our kids' relationship with Christ and making sure that they are led in that direction, that they accept him into their heart and they become good Christian kids that try their best to follow Jesus, then typically you're not going to have as many or as you know, a lot of those issues that you have.
21:47
Daniel Moore: They're still gonna mess up because they're kids.
21:49
Daniel Moore: But I think that you probably do see a lot less of it if they're following Jesus.
21:53
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
21:54
Daniel Moore: And I think that should be our focus is to try to raise our kids up in that way, instructing them that we don't act like this.
21:59
Daniel Moore: Because of who Jesus is.
22:01
Daniel Moore: It's not, we don't act this way because you're gonna get the belt or you're gonna get disciplined in a very heart, you're gonna get yelled at, you know, grounded or whatever.
22:10
Daniel Moore: There's pl there's times and places for the different types of discipline and all of that.
22:14
Daniel Moore: I totally understand that.
22:16
Daniel Moore: But we need to go to the point where we try to teach them to be like Jesus first.
22:19
Daniel Moore: And I think that would probably resolve a lot of those issues.
22:23
Daniel Moore: What's number five?
22:36
Michelle Moore: Number five, you're raising kingdom builders.
22:40
Michelle Moore: 1 Peter 2.9 says, believers are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession.
22:52
Michelle Moore: That includes your kids.
22:54
Michelle Moore: They are not just the future of the church, they are active participants in the kingdom right now.
23:00
Michelle Moore: We're not raising children for comfort, for success, or for the American dream version of a good life.
23:07
Michelle Moore: We're raising them to proclaim the gospel, serve others with radical love, and live counter-culturally with bold, unashamed faith.
23:17
Michelle Moore: That's a high calling, and it starts in your living room.
23:23
Daniel Moore: This reminds me of church camp.
23:25
Michelle Moore: Yes.
23:26
Daniel Moore: When you go to church camp as a counselor and you watch all those kids transform over that week, they come in kind of rough, tough, and wanting to play all the time.
23:35
Daniel Moore: And you know, you sit there and watch them transform over the week as God touches them, and by the end of the week, they're just broken.
23:43
Daniel Moore: I mean, you see them up the altar every night, they're praying, they're crying out to God.
23:47
Daniel Moore: That's, I think, what I like to think of when I think about kingdom builders.
23:53
Daniel Moore: Those are the kids that someday is going to lead our nation.
23:56
Daniel Moore: Those are the ones that are going to have our grandkids.
23:59
Daniel Moore: Those are the ones someday that's going to make a difference in somebody else's life.
24:03
Daniel Moore: And so I think that we need to always keep it in mind that, and it this kind of actually goes hand in hand with the last point to an extent, uh, to the fact that we want to make sure that we're always pouring into them biblically, always trying to make them understand how important it is to want to be a Christian leader.
24:23
Daniel Moore: Because even in their own schools, you see kids all the time that are in middle school or in high school that are they're game changers.
24:30
Daniel Moore: I mean, they have their faith and they're strong in their faith, and they're not afraid to talk to their friends about it.
24:36
Daniel Moore: And what better uh feeling could you get as a parent to know that your children are going to school and standing their ground and winning other kids for Christ?
24:46
Michelle Moore: Yeah, that's good.
24:47
Daniel Moore: I mean, that's just awesome.
24:49
Daniel Moore: And you know that that's going to carry on into their adult life and continue.
24:53
Daniel Moore: The next one is more is caught than taught.
24:56
Daniel Moore: James 122 tells us to be doers of the word, not just hearers.
25:00
Daniel Moore: And nowhere is that more true than in parenting.
25:03
Daniel Moore: Your kids are watching you all the time.
25:06
Daniel Moore: How you handle conflict with your spouse, they're watching.
25:09
Daniel Moore: How you talk about money, they're watching.
25:12
Daniel Moore: Whether you serve at church or just show up, guess what?
25:15
Daniel Moore: They're watching.
25:16
Daniel Moore: And whether your faith is real on Tuesday morning or just performed on a Sunday, they are watching.
25:22
Daniel Moore: The most powerful sermon that your child will ever hear is the one that you live Monday through Saturday.
25:27
Daniel Moore: That's both convicting and freeing because it means you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be genuine.
25:34
Daniel Moore: Repent when you mess up in front of them.
25:37
Daniel Moore: Let them see that faith isn't about being flawless, it's about being faithful.
25:42
Daniel Moore: And the seventh and final point here, you can't do this alone, and you were never meant to.
25:46
Daniel Moore: In 1 Thessalonians 5 17, it says to pray without ceasing.
25:51
Daniel Moore: And for parents, that's not a lofty spiritual concept, that's a survival strategy.
25:56
Daniel Moore: You cannot form your child's soul in your own strength.
25:59
Daniel Moore: You cannot outdiscipline the culture on willpower alone.
26:03
Daniel Moore: We need the Holy Spirit doing what only He can to do in the heart of your child.
26:07
Daniel Moore: So pray over them, pray with them, let them hear you intercede for them by name.
26:12
Daniel Moore: There is something spiritually formative about a child who grows up hearing their parent cry out to God on their behalf.
26:19
Daniel Moore: When you don't know what to say to your child, say it to God first.
26:24
Michelle Moore: That's good.
26:24
Daniel Moore: And this one here, I have to say that I'm a little disappointed myself because, you know, as our kids grew up, there was times that, you know, we did pray, and there's times you and I prayed together, but I probably didn't pray a lot in front of my kids to where they could hear that I was praying for them.
26:41
Michelle Moore: Right.
26:42
Daniel Moore: You know, and that's something I do regret um at this point in my life because I wish that I would have been a little bit a little bit more proactive about that.
26:51
Daniel Moore: Because I think that that also carries into later when they have kids, hopefully they will start praying over their children.
26:58
Daniel Moore: They'll see the importance of having them in church, having them follow Christ.
27:03
Daniel Moore: Um, so that's a very important thing to make sure that that you do that, and we're not alone at that point.
27:11
Daniel Moore: We've got God holding the steering wheel.
27:14
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
27:15
Daniel Moore: That's so to speak, and whenever we approach it that way.
27:18
Michelle Moore: That's good.
27:19
Daniel Moore: So the bottom line of this here is the culture is disciplining your children.
27:22
Daniel Moore: The question is whether you are.
27:25
Daniel Moore: The algorithm has a plan for your kids.
27:27
Daniel Moore: Social media has a plan.
27:29
Daniel Moore: The entertainment industry has a plan.
27:31
Daniel Moore: And none of those plans include raising them to love Jesus, serve others, or live for something bigger than themselves.
27:38
Daniel Moore: But you can have a plan too, a better one, a biblical one.
27:41
Daniel Moore: You don't have to be a theologian, you don't have to have all the answers.
27:45
Daniel Moore: You just have to show up, present, intentional, prayerful, and dependent on God.
27:51
Daniel Moore: He will do in your children what you cannot do.
27:54
Daniel Moore: Support into them, pray over them, point them to Jesus, relentlessly, humbly, and with everything you've got.
28:02
Daniel Moore: Because the next generation of kingdom changers, they're sitting at your dinner table right now.
28:07
Daniel Moore: So I think that was an awesome little section to get us started off this week in this episode to let us know just how important it is to make sure that once again we've talked about all this time about keeping Christ first in our marriage.
28:21
Daniel Moore: And this episode here, we finally get to talk about keeping Christ first in our parenting.
28:26
Daniel Moore: It's so crazy how all that laces together and intertwines together.
28:32
Daniel Moore: So as we continue this week's episode, we're going to talk a little bit about parenting as an extension of marital unity.
28:38
Daniel Moore: Why don't you go ahead and start us off with that one?
28:40
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
28:41
Michelle Moore: When was the last time you and your spouse sat down?
28:44
Michelle Moore: Not to talk about schedules, not to debate whose turn it is to handle bedtime, not to negotiate screen time rules, but to actually align on who you're trying to raise your kids to be.
28:56
Michelle Moore: Because here's what we want to discuss now.
28:59
Michelle Moore: Parenting is not a solo mission.
29:02
Michelle Moore: It's not even just a team sport, it is kingdom work, and it flows directly out of the covenant you made with your spouse on your wedding day.
29:12
Michelle Moore: That might sound like a stretch, but stay with me because the Bible makes this connection crystal clear.
29:18
Michelle Moore: God didn't just throw children into the mix like a surprise plot twist.
29:23
Michelle Moore: He built the family on a foundation, and that foundation isn't parenting, it's marriage.
29:30
Michelle Moore: From the very beginning, God design was intentional and ordered.
29:35
Michelle Moore: In Genesis 2 of 24, when he brought Adam and Eve together, he said, Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
29:49
Michelle Moore: Now, we often quote that verse at weddings, usually right after someone cries during the vows, but we don't always think about what it actually means for the family that follows.
30:00
Michelle Moore: That one flesh union wasn't just physical, it was spiritual, emotional, and purposeful.
30:07
Michelle Moore: It was the fertile soil God designed for children to grow in.
30:12
Michelle Moore: It was the environment he handcrafted for the next generation to be nurtured in love, truth, and security.
30:20
Michelle Moore: Your marriage isn't just your relationship, it's the foundation your children are standing on.
30:26
Michelle Moore: And think about it this way the unity of marriage actually mirrors the unity of God himself, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
30:36
Michelle Moore: Three persons, one essence, perfect unity, perfect love, and a perfect purpose.
30:45
Michelle Moore: When a husband and wife walk in genuine oneness, they are, whether they realize it or not, reflecting the very nature of God to their children.
30:55
Michelle Moore: And that's not a small thing, it's a profound thing.
31:00
Daniel Moore: So I like the point that's being made here.
31:02
Daniel Moore: Our marriage, only as strong as it is before we have kids, is how strong it's going to be later when the kids are here and we're trying to raise them.
31:14
Daniel Moore: And so when we think of it that way, I think a lot of times as married couples, that part never really crosses our mind.
31:22
Daniel Moore: You know, we look at, I know for myself, if I look back at how I looked at the day we got married versus everything we've been through since then, you know, to me, going up to the altar with you and giving you my vows, I never thought nothing necessarily about the kids at that moment.
31:41
Daniel Moore: At that moment, I was thinking about our relationship and where we were headed as a husband and wife.
31:48
Daniel Moore: So we did our thing, we moved forward, and then all the other stuff started happening.
31:56
Daniel Moore: And I never really worried too much about the foundation of our marriage, thinking that it was going to affect our kids.
32:02
Daniel Moore: That never really crossed my mind.
32:04
Daniel Moore: But that's something I think that probably doesn't cross a lot of people's mind, to be quite honest.
32:10
Daniel Moore: And we'll let the foundation of our marriage crack and we'll let things happen, we'll let conflicts take place, we'll have arguments, you know, we'll be distant, we'll quit talking and communicating.
32:22
Daniel Moore: All this stuff will happen, and the whole time we're thinking, oh, well, we can still be parents and keep our kids together, you know.
32:29
Daniel Moore: But what we don't realize, I don't think, under the surface, is that's not really staying very stable either.
32:36
Michelle Moore: Right.
32:36
Daniel Moore: And and it's funny because when you look backwards at all of that, that all started because we didn't take care of the foundation of our marriage to begin with.
32:43
Daniel Moore: And so whenever we look at this idea of raising our kids in a godly manner and hoping that they're going to be kingdom builders someday and that they're going to carry forth uh the sword and the cross that Christ has put upon them, a lot of that hinges on the foundation that we put in place for them as their parents.
33:03
Daniel Moore: And a lot of that comes from the bond that we have in our marriage relationship.
33:09
Daniel Moore: And so I think it's super important that we remember that, that anytime that we come into a situation where we allow Satan to come in and mess with our marriage, and we allow him to come in and pound on that foundation and try to crack it.
33:25
Daniel Moore: I think that we need to quit being so selfish sometimes, probably, and not think that this is just all about me and you.
33:31
Daniel Moore: This is also about our children.
33:33
Daniel Moore: This is about our family unit.
33:34
Daniel Moore: This is about the future of who we are as a family.
33:39
Daniel Moore: And so I think that that gives you a whole different perspective when you look at it that way.
33:44
Daniel Moore: As a continue here, we have something what we call the Malachi moment.
33:49
Daniel Moore: There's a verse that doesn't get nearly enough airtime in conversations about parenting, and that one's Malachi chapter 2, verse 15.
33:57
Daniel Moore: It says, Did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit in their union?
34:02
Daniel Moore: And what was the one God seeking?
34:04
Daniel Moore: Godly offspring.
34:07
Daniel Moore: If you read that slowly, there's two things packed into that single verse that hopefully is going to change how you think about your marriage and your parenting.
34:15
Daniel Moore: First, the unity of marriage is spirit-filled.
34:20
Daniel Moore: God put a portion of his spirit in the covenant union between a husband and a wife.
34:26
Daniel Moore: Your marriage is not just a legal contract or romantic arrangement, it's a spirit-inhabited covenant.
34:33
Daniel Moore: Secondly, the purpose God had in mind for that union from the beginning was godly offspring.
34:40
Daniel Moore: And it's not just talking about children, not just well-behaved kids who get good grades, it's talking about godly offspring, children who know God, who love God, and live for God.
34:53
Daniel Moore: And the part that stops us in our tracks every time, godly offspring aren't just the result of two people having children.
35:00
Daniel Moore: They are the fruit of two people being spiritually, emotionally, and purposefully unified in how they raise them.
35:07
Daniel Moore: God's kids aren't produced by perfect parents, they're cultivated in the soil of a unified marriage.
35:15
Daniel Moore: So, how important is our relationship?
35:19
Daniel Moore: I think that really kind of puts the the pressure on us as parents.
35:25
Daniel Moore: Because, first of all, if if the spirit's already infusing itself himself into our relationship, what are we doing when we buck against the system and start fighting and conflicting with each other?
35:40
Daniel Moore: Uh it comes to a point where if we totally get away from God in our relationships personally, which then gets into our marriage and we pull Christ out of marriage, well, the spirit can't stay within that covenant anymore.
35:54
Daniel Moore: Uh, we pretty much kind of effectively boot him out the door.
35:57
Daniel Moore: And so then that's going to affect how we raise our kids and what our kids see on a daily basis and how we, you know, communicate between each other.
36:05
Daniel Moore: And so there is a lot packed into that scripture that I think we need to pay attention to because the fact that our union from the very beginning, as soon as we walk up that aisle and say those vows, the fact that the Holy Spirit is already present at that moment and is infusing himself into the relationship that we're going to have from that day forward.
36:27
Daniel Moore: And then that's a huge responsibility that God puts on us that we continue that relationship so that our kids that we have later, that we raise them up in a godly manner and that our kids take on that attribute.
36:40
Daniel Moore: So go ahead and share the next one with us.
36:43
Michelle Moore: Now, before we go any further, can we just be honest for a second?
36:47
Michelle Moore: Because when we say unity and parenting, we don't mean some idolized picture where you and your spouse are always smiling, always agreeing, and your children are sitting quietly with the hands folded.
37:00
Michelle Moore: We mean real life, like quietly negotiating in the target toy aisle over who's going to say no this time while your toddler is already mid-meltdown on the floor, or disagreeing about screen time at 9 p.m.
37:16
Michelle Moore: and then walking out of the bedroom five minutes later as a united front, like two generals who just drew up battle plans over juice spills and iPad passwords.
37:26
Michelle Moore: That kind of unity, messy, real, grace requiring unity.
37:31
Michelle Moore: Because when a husband and wife are genuinely on the same page, even imperfectly, even after a hard conversation, something powerful happens in the home.
37:42
Michelle Moore: The father leads with love and strength, the way Ephesians 5.25 calls him to, sacrificiously, the way Christ loved the church.
37:51
Michelle Moore: And Ephesians 6.4 reminds him to bring his children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, without provoking them to anger.
38:01
Michelle Moore: In other words, lead firmly, but lead gently.
38:06
Michelle Moore: The mother nurtures with wisdom and grace the way Proverbs 31 describes.
38:11
Michelle Moore: Her children rise up and call her blessed, not because she had it all together, but because she showed up faithfully day after day.
38:20
Michelle Moore: Together, they model the gospel.
38:23
Michelle Moore: Humility, forgiveness, consistency, joy.
38:28
Michelle Moore: They become a living testimony of what it looks like to be surrendered to Christ, not just on Sunday, but on a random Wednesday when everything is going sideways.
38:38
Michelle Moore: Your kids don't need you to be the perfect parents.
38:42
Michelle Moore: They need to see what two imperfect people look like when they're clinging to a perfect God.
38:48
Daniel Moore: So that's what unity looks like.
38:49
Daniel Moore: Whenever we put God in the middle of it, we unify together, and we we try to stay on course.
38:55
Daniel Moore: So I'm gonna go ahead and have you continue here.
38:58
Daniel Moore: What does unity cost you?
39:00
Daniel Moore: If we are not unified, this is what that's going to look like.
39:04
Daniel Moore: So go ahead and share that with us.
39:05
Michelle Moore: Yeah, so here's the flip side, and we need to talk about it honestly.
39:09
Michelle Moore: When parents aren't aligned, children feel it.
39:12
Michelle Moore: Maybe not consciously, maybe not immediately, but they feel it.
39:18
Michelle Moore: Kids are remarkably perceptive, and when they sense a crack in the parental foundation, some of them, especially the clever ones, will find that crack and use it.
39:29
Michelle Moore: Not because they're devious, just because they're human.
39:33
Michelle Moore: They'll learn to ask mom when they already know dad said no.
39:37
Michelle Moore: They'll play the two of you like a chess match, and half the time, they'll win.
39:42
Michelle Moore: But beyond strategy, disunity and parenting create something deeper and more damaging.
39:48
Michelle Moore: Insecurity.
39:50
Michelle Moore: When mom and dad aren't aligned, children lose their sense of safety.
39:54
Michelle Moore: Their world feels unstable.
39:57
Michelle Moore: And an unstable home makes it harder for them to trust authority, internalize values, or ultimately trust God.
40:05
Michelle Moore: Because how a child learns to navigate their parents is often how they'll navigate their relationship with their heavenly father.
40:13
Michelle Moore: That's not meant to pile on the guilt, it's meant to raise the stakes.
40:18
Michelle Moore: The alignment of your marriage matters far beyond your household.
40:23
Daniel Moore: So I see here how it's just so important that we keep that alignment with Christ like we should, and we be honest in every situation that we come across.
40:35
Daniel Moore: Because we've seen wishy-washy parents.
40:39
Daniel Moore: I think, I think everybody's probably seen them.
40:41
Daniel Moore: And what's funny is as we were discussing here, as you were reading that, the kids noticed.
40:48
Daniel Moore: They know who exactly who to go to to get what they want.
40:52
Daniel Moore: And we talked about this a little bit maybe last week or earlier in this episode, I don't remember which.
40:56
Daniel Moore: But you know, when I grew up, I know which parent to ask which questions to.
41:01
Michelle Moore: Well, if you ask any of my brothers, I was the um spoiled child because if I would go to my dad, I would get anything I asked for.
41:10
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
41:10
Michelle Moore: And to be honest, I did.
41:12
Michelle Moore: I utilized that.
41:14
Daniel Moore: You were special.
41:16
Michelle Moore: I was the only girl girl out of three.
41:18
Michelle Moore: There was four of us.
41:20
Michelle Moore: I was the only girl out of four of us.
41:21
Michelle Moore: And so I did pick on my brothers, you know, and but I was daddy's little girl, you know.
41:28
Michelle Moore: And, you know, I recognized it um after he passed of like, man, I was not very nice to them, and I got them in trouble, you know.
41:36
Michelle Moore: And and I, you know, you just you do, you see that.
41:40
Michelle Moore: And I mean, now I think if the kids, depending on what it is, they'll either come to me or they'll come to you.
41:47
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
41:48
Michelle Moore: Most generally, it's me.
41:50
Michelle Moore: And so just because I got a soft heart and I'm like, I want to do this, and he's like, no, we're not doing that.
41:59
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
41:59
Daniel Moore: But I'm glad you brought that up because the difference now we communicate versus what it was back then is the kids would come to us and ask us the question.
42:10
Daniel Moore: We really didn't think a whole lot into it, so we'd just give them the answer.
42:14
Daniel Moore: And then they'd go do whatever.
42:16
Daniel Moore: Well, then we'd find out later, well, I already told them no.
42:19
Daniel Moore: Why did you tell them yes?
42:20
Daniel Moore: They already asked me that question, you know.
42:22
Daniel Moore: And then that started issues, you know, started flaring up between us at that point.
42:27
Daniel Moore: Now, at least if one of the kids asks or whatever, me and you both, like you said, we communicate about it now, and we both come to an agreement.
42:37
Michelle Moore: Yeah, because a lot of times he'll say no, and I'll be like, Really, honey, let's think about this, let's pray about it.
42:43
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
42:44
Daniel Moore: So it gets a little bit of different perspective in there.
42:47
Daniel Moore: It does.
42:48
Daniel Moore: And there's nothing wrong with that.
42:49
Daniel Moore: Because to me, that's a good healthy way to keep your foundation where it needs to be in your marriage relationship.
42:56
Daniel Moore: That's good.
42:57
Daniel Moore: And and honestly, hopefully the kids will see that because that's what they need to be doing as they're having children.
43:04
Daniel Moore: Yep.
43:04
Daniel Moore: Because all of our grandchildren right now are little bitty and they're not really to that point yet where they play between mom and dad necessarily.
43:11
Daniel Moore: A couple of them are kind of getting to that point.
43:14
Michelle Moore: They know that they can they're wrapped around daddy's little finger.
43:17
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
43:18
Daniel Moore: But I think later on, as they get just a little older than what they are now, they're gonna truly understand exactly what they're doing.
43:24
Daniel Moore: So and then it's gonna become interesting to watch all of that play out and with our kids and their kids.
43:31
Daniel Moore: So yeah, it's very important for us.
43:34
Daniel Moore: Um we're we're coming close here to wrapping up this episode on parenting.
43:38
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I just I hope that in all of this, you know, this is a lot of stuff that, you know, Michelle, you know, you and I, we wish we'd have had a lot of this stuff in our tool chest back in the day.
43:50
Michelle Moore: Oh, absolutely.
43:51
Daniel Moore: Because I know for a fact that both of us would have approached things a lot differently in a lot of different areas and we probably would have had some better results.
43:59
Daniel Moore: Probably.
44:00
Daniel Moore: Because we can look back now and we can actually, you know, see some of the issues that was caused because of some of the incorrect ways that we handled things.
44:10
Daniel Moore: And and it's put us in a spot too, like we mentioned earlier, where we've had to ask for forgiveness, we've had to apologize.
44:17
Daniel Moore: And all of that, when you combine it together, it it's a lot.
44:23
Daniel Moore: It's it's real easy to get into that spot, but it's really hard to work your way back out of it.
44:27
Daniel Moore: It makes it so hard and difficult when you're trying to help your kids understand that, hey, I truly made mistakes back then.
44:35
Daniel Moore: Please don't repeat them.
44:37
Daniel Moore: Don't do what we did.
44:39
Daniel Moore: You know, try to try to do this the right way.
44:42
Daniel Moore: And it makes it so much easier when you can just model that and your kids pick that up from the time they're young.
44:48
Daniel Moore: Now you're you're so much further ahead.
44:50
Daniel Moore: So as we wrap up this week's episode, we wrap it up here with the living picture.
44:57
Daniel Moore: You know, here's what gets us most about all of this.
45:00
Daniel Moore: When your children watch you and your spouse love each other well, they are seeing something they cannot get anywhere else.
45:07
Daniel Moore: They're seeing a living, breathing illustration of the gospel.
45:11
Daniel Moore: When they watch you forgive each other and you know, really forgive, not just fine, whatever, they see grace in action.
45:19
Daniel Moore: When they hear you pray together, they learn that faith isn't just private, it's shared.
45:24
Daniel Moore: When they watch you face a hard season side by side instead of turning on each other, they see what covenant really means.
45:31
Daniel Moore: The home becomes a training ground, and the curriculum isn't what you say, it's what you do.
45:37
Daniel Moore: As we've mentioned several times throughout this episode, Deuteronomy 6 7 tells us to impress God's commands on our children when we sit, when we walk, when we lie down, and when we rise up.
45:48
Daniel Moore: And that's not a scheduled Bible lesson, that's a lifestyle.
45:53
Daniel Moore: And that lifestyle is most powerful when it's lived out together as one.
45:58
Daniel Moore: The most powerful thing that you can do for your child's faith is to let them watch you live yours, together with your spouse, in the ordinary moments.
46:08
Daniel Moore: So as we close this week's episode, uh, do you have anything that you wanted to add to this week?
46:24
Michelle Moore: No, it's so good.
46:25
Michelle Moore: I think it's so good for parents.
46:27
Daniel Moore: Yeah, hopefully opened a lot of eyes to maybe some things that are going on in some of your relationships out there, uh, maybe some ways that you're handling some things right now.
46:36
Daniel Moore: Uh, I think one of the the biggest thing that we have to take away from our marriages is this institution that we have on this earth as a marriage, it's huge.
46:47
Daniel Moore: It covers so much territory, so many things hinge off of how you have your marriage and how you apply it in your life every day.
46:56
Daniel Moore: As a foundation, everything flows from that when it comes to family and relationships.
47:02
Daniel Moore: And a lot of it comes down, as we talked about earlier, to that foundation of your marriage and where it's at and what's going to happen later in life in the future.
47:12
Daniel Moore: And so it's so important, I think, that a subject like this is brought up every once in a while just as a good reminder of what we need to be as parents.
47:21
Daniel Moore: So as we close this week, we just want to remind every parent listening of this truth.
47:26
Daniel Moore: You do not have to parent perfectly to parent powerfully.
47:29
Daniel Moore: Your children do not need flawless parents, they need faithful ones.
47:33
Daniel Moore: They need parents who are present, intentional, prayerful, humble, and willing to keep pointing them back to Jesus, even in the middle of the messiness of real life.
47:43
Daniel Moore: Discipleship rarely happens in giant dramatic moments.
47:46
Daniel Moore: Most of the time it happens in the ordinary, around dinner tables, during bedtime prayers, in car rides, after arguments, during hard conversations, and in those moments where your kids quietly watch how you and your spouse love each other under pressure.
48:01
Daniel Moore: And maybe that's the biggest takeaway from this episode.
48:04
Daniel Moore: Your marriage and your parenting are deeply connected.
48:07
Daniel Moore: Your children are learning about God not just from what you teach, but from what you model together every single day.
48:14
Daniel Moore: They're watching how you forgive, how you communicate, how you handle stress, and whether your faith is real outside of Sunday mornings.
48:22
Daniel Moore: So keep showing up.
48:24
Daniel Moore: Keep praying over your home.
48:26
Daniel Moore: Keep choosing unity.
48:28
Daniel Moore: Keep pointing your family toward Christ, even when you feel inadequate.
48:32
Daniel Moore: Because God specializes in working through imperfect people who are surrendered to Him.
48:37
Daniel Moore: The culture may have a plan for your children, but so does God.
48:41
Daniel Moore: And by His grace, your home can become the very place where the next generation learns what authentic faith, covenant love, and kingdom living truly look like.
48:52
Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
48:59
Daniel Moore: This episode is recorded in the upper room at our Connecting the Gap Studios.
49:03
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.