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The Reason Why We Are Single · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: welcome to Is your Way, in your Way, and I'm your host.
0:30
Cassandra: My name is Cassandra Crawley-Mayo and I'd like to welcome those new listeners out there.
0:36
Cassandra: And just for the new listeners, just so you're aware, this is the the title is actually the name of my book, and so we're gonna this is gonna.
0:44
Cassandra: It's a podcast that we're gonna really get honest about what's holding us back, what's holding us back from our dreams a new job, getting a real estate license, finding a loved one, getting out of toxic relationships, a promotion.
1:06
Cassandra: So we're going to start, we're going to talk about that and these podcasts I'm hopeful and prayerful it's going to help us get free.
1:15
Cassandra: Today's episode is for every woman who has ever felt unseen, unchosen and unsure why love hasn't landed yet.
1:27
Cassandra: And my guest, sanaiya Gurnamal, is a love alchemist and a relationship reinvention coach here to share how real, how real love begins with real healing.
1:44
Cassandra: So, whether you're single, searching, divorced, wanting to remarry, healing from a heartbreak, or ready to become the woman your future partners partners been praying for not partners, but partner have been praying for this one's for you.
2:04
Cassandra: So I don't want you to miss this, so let's get into it.
2:08
Cassandra: So I don't want you to miss this, so let's get into it.
2:10
Cassandra: And to me, I know this is going to be a game changing conversation, so you need to share with your friends.
2:24
Cassandra: Call somebody and say hey, text somebody real quick and say I think you need to hear this.
2:26
Cassandra: Or, if you don't have time to do that, you are going to share this when the podcast is over and I'd like to welcome Sanaiya to the.
2:30
Cassandra: That you are going to share this when the podcast is over and I'd like to welcome Sanaya to the stage.
2:33
Cassandra: Hello Sanaiya, how are you today?
2:37
Sanaiya: I'm good, cassandra.
2:38
Sanaiya: Thank you so much for having me, and I am so excited about what we're going to talk about.
2:44
Cassandra: I am too, because the title of our message today and this was always something I would resonate with me for years the Real Reason why You're Still Single.
2:54
Cassandra: Now that's the name of our podcast today.
2:59
Cassandra: What's the real reason?
3:01
Cassandra: So now, ladies, you can see why I am super excited about this conversation coming up, because I know many of you would like to know.
3:09
Cassandra: But now, before we get into the conversation, I'd like to read Sanaiya's bio, because this is going to help you get an understanding of what I would say would qualifies her to talk about this.
3:23
Cassandra: What qualifies her to be a soulmate magnet?
3:26
Cassandra: Oh, anyway, she's.
3:28
Cassandra: As I indicated, she's known as the love alchemist.
3:31
Cassandra: She's a relationship powerhouse reinvention coach who helps high achieving women transform past heartbreak into lasting love.
3:44
Cassandra: As the creator of the soulmate magnet program creator of the Soulmate Magnet Program and she's also the host of the Spotify Top 50 Podcast Project Loving Myself.
3:57
Cassandra: She empowers women to stop chasing love and start attracting it by healing from within.
4:01
Cassandra: With credentials from the University of Pennsylvania, mindvalley and Theta Healing, sanaya blends science, spirit and strategy to help women call in their soulmates and live a life powered by self-love.
4:17
Cassandra: She's been featured on CNN, cosmopolitan and Tatler.
4:22
Cassandra: She's a global voice for turning self-worth into so deep love.
4:28
Cassandra: Man.
4:28
Cassandra: Now you can see why I'm super excited about this.
4:31
Cassandra: And before we, you know, before she came on, before we came on live, I was telling her that I used to always ask that question why am I still single?
4:41
Cassandra: What's going on, you know?
4:43
Cassandra: And I used to always say you attract who you are like, oh my gosh, you're kidding me.
4:46
Cassandra: Well, I'm not attracting anything really great.
4:49
Cassandra: So then I was like well, I definitely you're kidding me.
4:51
Cassandra: Well, I'm not attracting anything really great.
4:53
Cassandra: So then I was like well, I definitely have some issues.
4:55
Cassandra: So we're going to talk about this Now.
4:57
Cassandra: Sanaiya, what in your background or history prompted you to want to do this type of work?
5:04
Cassandra: Where did this come from?
5:06
Sanaiya: Yeah, great question.
5:07
Sanaiya: Honestly, cassandra, I was a woman, just like you, asking those questions.
5:12
Sanaiya: What's wrong with me?
5:14
Cassandra: Why is?
5:15
Sanaiya: my love life such a mess.
5:17
Sanaiya: I mean, I had my career covered, I had a great education.
5:21
Sanaiya: In my eyes, I was a great catch right, I was never going for me, never going for me.
5:27
Sanaiya: And yet I was constantly disappointed, betrayed, unsure, confused.
5:34
Sanaiya: I mean, you name it.
5:41
Sanaiya: I'm sure you resonate with this, as well as your listeners that I just didn't feel the same way in my love life as I did in every other aspect of my life.
5:45
Sanaiya: And of course you know, no matter what I was doing, I was always back where I started, at square one, not anywhere in my love life.
5:56
Sanaiya: And it took me, you know, years and years of just really disappointing relationships to finally discover that the problem wasn't outside of me, it was me.
6:12
Sanaiya: And that is where my journey started.
6:15
Cassandra: Wow.
6:16
Cassandra: So it sounds like that issue really bothered you.
6:22
Cassandra: It bothered you enough for you to say you know what I'm going to make this my career.
6:26
Cassandra: So what trajectory did you take to be what I will call an expert in this?
6:35
Sanaiya: area, absolutely.
6:36
Sanaiya: So let me go back a little further.
6:39
Sanaiya: I got into this kind of work, cassandra, which is healing, coaching, supporting people.
6:46
Sanaiya: I started a wellbeing center in 2008 in Dubai.
6:58
Cassandra: We have a technical problem.
6:59
Cassandra: She was frozen, but we'll be back.
7:04
Cassandra: She's going to have to reconnect and I believe it's acting like this because it doesn't want you to hear what she has to say, because I think a lot of you are going to have a breakthrough as a result of this.
7:19
Cassandra: So, in the meantime, I'm going to talk until she gets back.
7:24
Cassandra: I see that she's on mute and she's trying hard to get back, that she's on mute and she's trying hard to get back.
7:33
Cassandra: Well, you know, I too had this challenge, as she indicated that she had it as well, and as a result of that, I know you do too, and she's back.
7:42
Cassandra: I was going to tell you all a story, but maybe I didn't supposed to, so go right ahead.
7:46
Sanaiya: Sanaiya, my apologies.
7:50
Sanaiya: I was just saying, cassandra, that I came from the corporate world and it was through my own spontaneous healing that I discovered oh my God, there's so much more out there.
7:59
Sanaiya: And I started working with people long before my love life was giving me problems.
8:04
Sanaiya: I was already working with people through coaching, healing.
8:07
Sanaiya: I was doing certifications after certifications because I realized that corporate wasn't making me happy anymore and I wanted something more.
8:16
Sanaiya: Now I started working on my relationship with my parents, my relationship with myself.
8:25
Sanaiya: So I was doing work around love not quite on love until it got to a point where I started to notice that I was repeating these really negative patterns in my love life.
8:37
Sanaiya: And so that was my, you could say, turning point, when I discovered that it was self-love that was missing in my relationships, that the issue wasn't everybody else but it was me, and I started to take control of my own love life and I did the inner work that I needed to do to heal myself Right, so that I could bring a much more empowered loving version of myself into my relationships, to my relationships.
9:14
Sanaiya: And literally a month after I did a soulmate manifestation.
9:16
Sanaiya: I met someone at a wedding and he proposed a month later and I said, yes, it was like the shortest relationship I'd ever had in my life, but it took me about two years of healing to get to a point where I was ready to really open my heart to a relationship.
9:30
Sanaiya: We got married five months later and we've been married for 15 years, three kids later.
9:36
Sanaiya: And so, really, my own journey, coupled with my um, my desire to help other women struggling with the same thing and, of course, my expertise expertise in coaching and healing and especially helping women attract their soulmates is how this became the focus of my work.
9:57
Cassandra: Yeah, now you said something interesting.
9:59
Cassandra: When you were doing your your soul work, work, this is when you met someone that was at a wedding.
10:30
Cassandra: You all immediately connected.
10:34
Cassandra: He did I'm not sure about you, did it take you a while?
10:37
Cassandra: Obviously, it really didn't take a long time for you to get married five months after that, but was he kind of struggling with the same thing?
10:44
Cassandra: Because you know, we say we attract who we are?
10:47
Cassandra: What was going on in his life during that time?
10:53
Sanaiya: Absolutely so.
10:53
Sanaiya: I totally believe that we attract who we are.
10:54
Sanaiya: What was going on in his life during that time?
10:56
Sanaiya: Absolutely so, I totally believe that we attract who we are.
10:57
Sanaiya: But I often notice is we don't attract the same kind of person.
10:59
Sanaiya: Their issue might be a little bit different.
11:02
Sanaiya: So while I was struggling with self love and it showed up in my relationships my partner had struggled with confidence and he had actually lost his father when he was four years old and had grown up feeling a lack of love.
11:19
Sanaiya: So we both came from a lack of love, but it manifested in different ways in our life.
11:24
Sanaiya: Now, when we met each other, we were both at this point in our life where we were looking for something a lot more real, and we found it in each other.
11:34
Cassandra: What a beautiful story, sanaiya, when you were growing up, because you know, I had I'm from corporate as well for years and I had the same struggles as you getting in unhealthy relationships or I would say emotionally unavailable relationships and it got so to the point where I knew that it had to be something with me.
12:00
Cassandra: And I also found out that much of it had to do with how I grew up.
12:05
Cassandra: You know what my parents behavior was and how they grew up.
12:09
Cassandra: Not that I'm blaming them.
12:11
Cassandra: I did in the beginning like how dare them to be like that?
12:13
Cassandra: Now, that's, you know, I'm like, so that's on me as well.
12:17
Cassandra: Now, how am I going to get through that?
12:18
Cassandra: Well, you did.
12:19
Cassandra: You think a lot of it came from how you grew up.
12:23
Sanaiya: Yeah, absolutely, Cassandra.
12:25
Sanaiya: I actually grew up watching my parents struggle in their relationship, struggle in their marriage.
12:31
Sanaiya: They were always looking for the other person to make them feel more whole, more complete, to meet their needs, to fulfill their expectations of each other.
12:41
Sanaiya: And, as you know, in a situation like that no one ends up happy.
12:45
Sanaiya: And you know, growing up in that environment, I witnessed love be difficult, be you know, something that caused more pain than happiness.
13:00
Sanaiya: And as much as I grew up into this young woman who wanted it all, I wanted that special someone.
13:08
Sanaiya: I wanted the partner and the children and the happily ever after.
13:12
Sanaiya: You know, I grew up on Disney movies.
13:14
Sanaiya: I grew up with the wrong moms.
13:17
Sanaiya: I thought I just had to grow up and that person would just walk into my life.
13:21
Sanaiya: And of course, that was the furthest from the truth.
13:25
Sanaiya: It turned out that I wanted love, I wanted a relationship, but deep down inside I was afraid of it.
13:34
Sanaiya: I was afraid of commitment because I had seen the struggles that my own parents had gone through, and to add to that I had friends who had struggled with relationships.
13:44
Sanaiya: I had relatives who had been through some very traumatic relationships.
13:49
Sanaiya: So all I was proving to myself on a subconscious level, is that love is hard.
13:54
Sanaiya: You know, love is painful.
13:56
Sanaiya: And so as much as I wanted it on the outside.
14:00
Sanaiya: I was actually protecting myself from love, I was pushing it away, I was sabotaging it and, more often than not, I was finding myself attracted to emotionally unavailable people, people with commitment issues, which is convenient, because if you're afraid of love, then you have to find someone who's emotionally unavailable and afraid of commitment.
14:24
Sanaiya: Because, then you're safe, it's never going to turn into, you know, a forever kind of love it's never going to turn into, you know, a forever kind of love, exactly.
14:34
Cassandra: Oh, okay, I just got an epiphany, huh, so I was afraid of love.
14:44
Sanaiya: Yeah, yeah, that that was my epiphany, cassandra.
14:45
Sanaiya: Like I remember, I went to a healing retreat and I was doing inner child work, so I was doing a lot of work on, you know, the traumatized child and my own fears and so on, and it just literally it was an epiphany.
14:54
Sanaiya: I had this moment where I said, wait a minute.
14:57
Sanaiya: In every single failed toxic relationship there's one common denominator it's not them, it's me.
15:06
Sanaiya: I'm the one who keeps finding myself in the same situation and I'm always disappointed, I'm always let down and I'm always just not happy.
15:16
Sanaiya: So I can't really blame them, it must be me.
15:22
Sanaiya: And that was the moment.
15:24
Sanaiya: It was like.
15:24
Sanaiya: That was the moment I took my power from the situation and I realized that, oh my God, if I've created all of this, then I must be able to do the work that will allow me to completely change the kind of people I'm attracting, the kind of relationships I find myself in.
15:44
Sanaiya: And that was the start of learning to love myself, accepting myself and really getting to a point, cassandra, where I didn't need a partner.
15:53
Sanaiya: I didn't need anyone to make me feel whole or complete or not lonely anymore.
16:00
Sanaiya: I got to a point where it was like I actually love myself, I'm in a relationship with me and because of that I'm completely fine.
16:11
Sanaiya: I don't need anyone else.
16:14
Sanaiya: And literally that's when I was at a wedding, met my husband over a four day you know Indian, bollywood style wedding.
16:23
Sanaiya: We danced all night had this connection and that was it.
16:27
Sanaiya: You know, that was how it all kind of turned out, wow.
16:33
Cassandra: That sounds so romantic, that that sounds so good and I don't think any woman on that's listening a lot of what you said they've heard before.
16:43
Cassandra: And the difficult part is and I'm going to ask you this before I ask you the other question Are you still working on loving yourself?
16:53
Cassandra: Is that a work in progress?
16:55
Cassandra: Is that still going on?
16:59
Sanaiya: I think it is a constant commitment to loving yourself.
17:04
Sanaiya: So I don't want to say it's a work in progress.
17:07
Sanaiya: I would like to say that I am constantly committing and recommitting to myself.
17:15
Sanaiya: Which I think is just as important when you're in a relationship with someone else is to constantly commit and recommit to the relationship.
17:23
Sanaiya: In the same way, I'm constantly committing and recommitting to myself.
17:26
Sanaiya: Every day, I look for moments to strengthen that connection with myself, to ask myself the questions that I need, to make better choices, to be with myself.
17:39
Sanaiya: So I'm learning every day more about myself, I'm discovering more of who I am and I am enjoying that journey of, you know, being in this relationship with myself of being in this relationship with myself.
18:01
Sanaiya: Okay, so the other question is how in the world do you do that?
18:04
Sanaiya: Great question Now to answer that?
18:04
Sanaiya: To answer that, cassandra, I have to tell you a little bit about love blocks.
18:10
Sanaiya: Okay, so I've worked with over 5,000 women and it turns out there's some pretty similar journeys that most women who are struggling with love end up taking.
18:23
Sanaiya: You could call it five different, you know, scenarios, pathways.
18:28
Sanaiya: I call them love blocks, and what I found is that these five different blocks show up in our love lives over and over again, and if we don't deal with them, if we don't overcome them, if we don't heal them, it's very difficult to end up in a healthy, you know, loving relationship with someone.
18:53
Sanaiya: So this is something we have to get through Now.
18:55
Sanaiya: These five different blocks have very different characteristics and require a different type of approach.
19:02
Sanaiya: So we talked about the one that probably you and I share, which is the commitment phobia, right?
19:10
Sanaiya: So, you attract emotionally unavailable partners.
19:13
Sanaiya: You're actually afraid of commitment and so you put it on someone else.
19:17
Sanaiya: Right, it's their fault, they're the ones with the commitment issue, but deep down, it's you.
19:21
Sanaiya: That's the kind of people you pick Right.
19:24
Sanaiya: So there's the commitment phobe.
19:25
Sanaiya: Then there's the people pleaser.
19:27
Sanaiya: The people pleaser is a very different personality.
19:29
Sanaiya: The people pleaser thinks that they need to earn love, that they need to make the other person more important.
19:37
Sanaiya: Their entire life needs to revolve around the other person.
19:40
Sanaiya: They almost don't have their own identity because the other person has taken over Right and lose themselves in the relationship.
19:48
Sanaiya: Now, a people pleaser is likely a child that had to earn love.
19:54
Sanaiya: Even as a child, like, they had to get good grades, they had to be obedient, they had to do certain things and they learned that the only way they would get loved by their parents or their caregivers would be to do what was expected of them.
20:12
Sanaiya: Okay, and so they grew up doing that, right Right.
20:14
Sanaiya: Then the third one is the.
20:17
Sanaiya: This is the runaway bride.
20:21
Sanaiya: I named it after a Julia Roberts movie where she gets to the altar and then she runs, she bolts on a horse.
20:27
Sanaiya: So the runaway bride is someone that's been through a lot of relationship pain.
20:33
Sanaiya: So, they're afraid of love.
20:35
Sanaiya: So every time their relationship gets to the next step, they'll sabotage it.
20:39
Sanaiya: They'll find a way or an excuse for why they should kind of pull away, or or they should kind of slow down a little bit, like they're afraid to get to the next step, they're afraid to get closer.
20:52
Sanaiya: They're afraid of being vulnerable.
20:53
Sanaiya: Because they've been hurt so many times, they don't even trust love and they definitely don't trust their partner right.
21:02
Sanaiya: So that's the runaway pride.
21:04
Sanaiya: The fourth one is the caretaker.
21:07
Sanaiya: This is when you're always caring for everyone else that there's no time to focus on your love life.
21:14
Sanaiya: So, maybe as a child you had a mother who was unwell or had mental health challenges, so you became the caretaker of your mother.
21:23
Sanaiya: It could be that you were the caretaker of your siblings because your parents were working.
21:27
Sanaiya: It could be that you just took on that role because it was necessary in your family dynamic, and so you grew up being the kind of person who's always taking care of everyone else at the cost or expense of yourself, and you usually find partners who you have to take care of for some reason, and when they don't need you anymore, they leave you.
21:51
Cassandra: So you're just the caretaker, so say that when they say that again, if they don't need you anymore.
21:57
Sanaiya: So you take care of them.
21:59
Sanaiya: You might nurse them back to whatever health or whatever it is, and then they don't need you anymore.
22:05
Sanaiya: They're fine now, and they're probably going to leave you because they don't need the caretaker anymore.
22:10
Sanaiya: Right the other way that manifests is you might have, for example, aging parents or you have some financial debts to pay for the family.
22:20
Sanaiya: Basically, you have a responsibility that doesn't allow you to focus on your own love life.
22:26
Sanaiya: Because, you're the caretaker.
22:28
Sanaiya: That's your role.
22:29
Cassandra: Yes.
22:30
Sanaiya: And the final block is the memory chaser.
22:33
Sanaiya: This is someone who's stuck in the past, so you might have that one relationship that got away, or the you know in your head.
22:42
Sanaiya: The ship has sailed.
22:43
Sanaiya: I missed that one opportunity.
22:45
Sanaiya: That was the best I could have gotten.
22:47
Sanaiya: Or you're clinging on to this relationship that ended.
22:51
Sanaiya: You're constantly comparing new partners to the old one and you just can't move forward because you're constantly looking over your shoulder at the past.
23:01
Cassandra: Okay.
23:02
Sanaiya: So if you're stuck, then you just you're kind of replaying the X, the X relationship, the X partnership, Just don't give new love a chance.
23:12
Sanaiya: So these are the five blocks Now.
23:15
Sanaiya: Each block has been shaped by childhood experiences and events, your relationship, history, and there could be other influences as well.
23:27
Sanaiya: So the first thing that I help people do is identify which block are they operating from.
23:34
Cassandra: Right.
23:35
Sanaiya: And it's not.
23:36
Sanaiya: It's not normally like I'm.
23:38
Sanaiya: I only have this one block.
23:39
Sanaiya: It's usually a combination with others, but there's one that tends to be more dominant and that's the one that basically can unlock your entire you know love life.
23:53
Sanaiya: So I help them identify that I have a quiz that tells you right away which you know love life.
23:55
Sanaiya: So I help them identify that.
23:56
Sanaiya: I have a quiz that tells you right away which blocks you have, which then you know gives you an understanding of why you're attracting certain kinds of relationship experiences.
24:05
Sanaiya: And then there's a process of just going back and healing and letting go and doing forgive what, whatever inner work is specific your love block Right Along the journey.
24:21
Sanaiya: I emphasize self-love as being one of the most important um ways to uh stop chasing after love and start attracting it, cause when you love yourself, you recognize your value.
24:33
Sanaiya: You recognize your value, you recognize your worth.
24:36
Sanaiya: You know someone would be lucky to have someone like you right, so you don't have to run after love.
24:43
Sanaiya: You just allow it to come to you.
24:45
Sanaiya: And finally, I think it's also very important to have a very clear vision for the kind of relationship you want right, a very clear vision for the kind of relationship you want right.
24:58
Sanaiya: So I help people really design the vision that feels true to who they are, what they want, what their values are.
25:03
Sanaiya: You know what they want their relationship to look like and so really getting extremely clear down to how do you handle money, how do you fight Like, what are the different ways a relationship could you know?
25:19
Sanaiya: How would you like it to look for you?
25:21
Sanaiya: And so I take people through this process of self discovery healing and self love and then helping them realize the vision for the relationship they want.
25:34
Sanaiya: I end with a very powerful soulmate manifestation which blends spiritual healing with manifestation techniques and and voila.
25:47
Sanaiya: Usually within a certain span of time, you know, usually within a certain span of time, you know, people start attracting partners and often end up with the vision that they actually created with me, like now.
26:06
Cassandra: Wow, that is good Interesting for us to be talking about this.
26:12
Cassandra: I was speaking with someone earlier today for us to be talking about this.
26:17
Cassandra: I was speaking with someone earlier today and one of the things she said to me is you know, when you were single, you attracted so many men.
26:26
Cassandra: I'm like no, I said when I got married, I attracted too many men.
26:35
Cassandra: Why is that?
26:36
Cassandra: Why is it that I'm unavailable Because I'm married, right?
26:41
Cassandra: So what is that about?
26:44
Cassandra: When it's vice versa, you know, when you're not available, you attract.
26:51
Cassandra: Is that because that man or that woman is the number one block?
26:57
Cassandra: And that's why?
26:59
Cassandra: Why is that?
27:01
Sanaiya: Are you?
27:01
Sanaiya: Would you say you're a loyal person, cassandra?
27:05
Sanaiya: Like a loyal and a faithful person?
27:07
Sanaiya: Yes, okay, you know that about yourself, right?
27:11
Sanaiya: So attracting plenty of men when you are unavailable is safer for you because you know you're loyal, right, and you don't need to block that anymore because even if they come to you, you're still going to be loyal to your partner.
27:28
Sanaiya: So you're almost allowing them in, whereas when you were single, you didn't allow them in because it wasn't safe.
27:36
Sanaiya: So you really had a commitment issue.
27:39
Sanaiya: It wasn't safe to let people out okay, interesting.
27:46
Cassandra: What about, um, what about?
27:52
Cassandra: Let's say you are married, you're happy and and you see this and hear this a lot you've been married for so many years and you hear people say I've fallen out of love, I'm not really into them anymore.
28:06
Cassandra: What, what is that about?
28:08
Cassandra: You know, you kind of, it's kind of like you attract and and I can see, I could actually see me in all these blocks at one time in my life, right, and when they get closer, I get further apart.
28:21
Cassandra: You know, then, when they get farther apart, I go closer.
28:24
Cassandra: Why is it that people fall out of love?
28:32
Cassandra: I don't know.
28:34
Cassandra: Maybe they weren't in love at the first, but I don't know what is that about.
28:38
Sanaiya: So there's a couple of different things going on with that.
28:40
Sanaiya: First of all, we either grow together in a relationship or we grow apart, and that has a lot to do with our energy, our vibration, our frequency.
28:51
Sanaiya: So I'm going to get a little scientific on you.
28:53
Sanaiya: But we do have different vibrations and when we share the same values, we share the same dreams and goals, we are energetically aligned.
29:05
Cassandra: Okay.
29:06
Sanaiya: But sometimes we make choices that pull us away from each other, and then it does, and then we don't kind of connect anymore.
29:16
Sanaiya: We don't feel like that connection or that bond, and so that could be a reason why you feel you have fallen out of love.
29:25
Sanaiya: What has actually happened is you have fallen out of energetic alignment with each other because growing in different directions.
29:33
Cassandra: Okay.
29:34
Sanaiya: Okay, okay, go ahead.
29:37
Sanaiya: When that happens, right, you can realign and you can kind of come back together and walk the similar path again.
29:48
Sanaiya: It just requires some work, some community connection, communication, some effort.
29:54
Sanaiya: Now the other thing that can happen is we are feeling disconnected from ourselves.
30:01
Sanaiya: We've actually just fallen out of love with ourselves, but because we're not comfortable with that feeling, we put it on to the partner.
30:09
Sanaiya: I've fallen out of love with my partner, but really the real issue is something going on internally, somewhere we are lacking, disconnected, you know somewhere.
30:25
Sanaiya: There is something unresolved or unhealed within ourselves and so that could create this kind of disconnection or this feeling of falling out of love with someone.
30:36
Sanaiya: I think we as individuals put too much pressure on our partners to fulfill us, to meet our needs, to be the source of something for us.
30:50
Sanaiya: But when you come into a relationship, cassandra, with self-love, self-empowerment, you give more to the relationship than you take.
31:01
Sanaiya: And when two people give more to the relationship from both sides, you get something really beautiful.
31:08
Sanaiya: You get something really special.
31:11
Cassandra: You get something really special, Okay, All right.
31:16
Cassandra: Well, the high-achieving women.
31:25
Cassandra: That's one of the things that you coach helps high-achieving women transform.
31:28
Cassandra: What is it about high-achieving women that are challenged with relationships sometimes, Is it?
31:34
Cassandra: You know?
31:35
Cassandra: They always say I got a lot to do, I travel, I do this, I don't have the time.
31:38
Cassandra: Well, let's break that down a little bit.
31:41
Cassandra: What's going on with those high achievers?
31:44
Sanaiya: Yeah, one is time.
31:45
Sanaiya: I mean it takes a lot of commitment and dedication to become high achieving, to become successful, and often that comes at again the expense of your love life.
32:00
Cassandra: Okay, all right, so you have to prioritize.
32:03
Sanaiya: You have to prioritize.
32:04
Sanaiya: The other thing that I've seen a lot with my clients is I can't have love and career success at the same time.
32:11
Sanaiya: You know I have to choose.
32:15
Sanaiya: So it's kind of this belief system or this program that I can't have it all.
32:21
Sanaiya: I have to make a choice, Something's got to give and in the case of many high achieving women, I can be successful at work but not at my love life.
32:31
Cassandra: Okay, so that's something.
32:33
Sanaiya: I've seen come up.
32:34
Sanaiya: Another thing that I've seen come up is, um, sometimes women who are high achieving have to downplay their emotional needs.
32:44
Sanaiya: They have to down downplay their uh, feminine energy, their sexuality, feminine energy, their sexuality, and so that part of them that is the woman, sometimes gets hidden or gets lost in becoming this powerhouse of a woman that they are Right.
33:11
Sanaiya: And still, in other cases, there are other responsibilities that take priority, yeah, Okay so it might.
33:19
Sanaiya: It's a little bit different for the.
33:21
Sanaiya: You know for different women that I've coached, but many of them tell me, sanaiya, I've got it figured out in my career, I'm doing really well there, but my love life is the absolute opposite.
33:36
Cassandra: Mm-hmm, you know that makes me Think about.
33:42
Cassandra: During my single years, people used to always say you intimidate men and and I say, well, that's just that that's not.
33:55
Cassandra: My intention was.
33:58
Cassandra: And like you just indicated, then they said you have to downplay a bit of who you are.
34:05
Cassandra: You have to downplay a bit of who you are.
34:12
Cassandra: Do you think that's true in regards to high achieving, or is it that the high achieving woman has to know what they're looking for and still believe I can be who I am and still attract that kind of person that I'm looking for?
34:23
Sanaiya: Yeah, absolutely.
34:24
Sanaiya: I mean, look at the messages we've grown up with, right, you've got the damsel in distress, you know you've got.
34:30
Sanaiya: The woman has to rely on her man.
34:33
Sanaiya: You got to make your we've.
34:35
Sanaiya: We've grown up with so many influences that have taught us that women are not meant to be independent and powerful and successful, and so when you are all of those things right, you think you can't be accepted and love the way you are.
34:55
Sanaiya: Right, like I'm a working mother and I still get that mom guilt, even though I know that I don't, I shouldn't and I don't need to, because I am present for my children.
35:08
Sanaiya: But yes, I'm working you know, for a good part of the day.
35:13
Sanaiya: And so it's, it's the messaging, it's, it's what we have learned about what society expects out of women.
35:21
Sanaiya: And so whenever we achieve or we succeed, those feelings of you know I'm not enough or I am not acceptable by society standards, or I am neglecting whatever might be your children or your partner, all of these things come up.
35:42
Sanaiya: And even for me, cassandra, I am married to someone who really respects my energy, really respects the fact that I am high achieving, that I am very dedicated and committed to my path, my purpose, my career.
35:59
Sanaiya: I am exactly a high achieving woman and I get the respect and the space from my husband, but I've had to work on being afraid to shine brighter than him.
36:12
Sanaiya: I've had to work on being afraid of being more successful than him even though I don't believe in any of those things, right, but deep down in the subconscious, because it has come from my ancestors, from my mother.
36:26
Sanaiya: My mother will say things like she'll come down, she'll visit me and she'll she can't help herself.
36:31
Sanaiya: She doesn't mean it in a negative way, but she'll say you work so hard, yeah.
36:35
Sanaiya: What about the children?
36:37
Sanaiya: Yeah.
36:37
Sanaiya: Or you know, my husband will come home and my mom's visiting from Dubai and my husband will come home and she'll be like, okay, okay, go give him time.
36:45
Sanaiya: She can't help it because that's how she was raised.
36:49
Sanaiya: And so I'm getting these messages even now as an adult, and it triggers these feelings and emotions that I grew up with, or these things that I believe to be true until I decided to, you know, make different choices or to think a different way.
37:07
Sanaiya: So we've grown up with all of these messages and influences that haven't quite allowed us, as women, to believe that we can have it all.
37:21
Sanaiya: We're still struggling with that.
37:22
Sanaiya: Many of us are still struggling with that, and so what I do is help women really step into that power to take, you know, to take what they deserve, to be able to receive that as women, we tend to give more than we receive.
37:39
Sanaiya: It's very hard for women to receive because they're always used to giving, to receive, because they're always used to giving, and so that's why self-love to me is so important for women, because we are generally givers more than we are receivers, based on your knowledge of being a love alchemist.
38:00
Cassandra: What did you?
38:01
Cassandra: All of this came from?
38:04
Cassandra: Like the Mindvalley?
38:06
Cassandra: Uh, like you say, you have a lot of certifications, is it?
38:11
Cassandra: And you went to school in pence?
38:13
Cassandra: Was it pennsylvania?
38:14
Sanaiya: yep, I went to upen.
38:16
Sanaiya: I also hold a master's in entrepreneurship.
38:19
Sanaiya: So where I, I would say, where I have something that I unique, that I bring to my work, is my theta healing certifications.
38:35
Sanaiya: I have a certificate of science, in a healing modality called theta healing, and I also have a master's of um science and theta healing.
38:46
Sanaiya: And this really, I would say Cassandra, is my secret ingredient.
38:50
Sanaiya: This is what you know, sets me apart because I really blend the healing with my coaching practices, with my coaching structure, because one thing that people struggle with is changing their patterns, changing their beliefs, right, it takes time, it takes effort, it takes commitment, but I have found that with Theta Healing I can help people release negative beliefs instantly.
39:20
Sanaiya: I can help people let go of pain and hurt instantly and replace it with forgiveness.
39:26
Sanaiya: So I almost want to say that's kind of my, my edge that allows me to help women and as as short as you know three months to actually go from single to in a relationship for life.
39:41
Sanaiya: I've had that happen consistently with my clients simply because I bring in a lot of the healing work into what I do.
39:50
Cassandra: OK, all right yeah.
39:51
Sanaiya: So it's really, it's mental, it's emotional, it's energetic.
39:55
Sanaiya: I really work with all three aspects and integrate that all my processes and all my programs with my clients and my students my programs with my clients and my students.
40:12
Cassandra: Okay, do you have one, just one example of you working with a client whereas emotionally you felt like, wow, this work that I'm doing is not being done in vain.
40:25
Cassandra: Just the outcome of what you've done gives you the peace and the joy and the knowing that I am doing what I have been ordained to do.
40:41
Cassandra: So, therefore, I have a fulfilling life.
40:44
Sanaiya: Completely.
40:44
Sanaiya: So I have a great story actually.
40:47
Sanaiya: So there is a client that I worked with who has been married for seven years and during the pandemic that relationship essentially fell apart because they had to spend all this time together and realized that they weren't as compatible as they thought they were Right, and so they went through a divorce.
41:12
Sanaiya: And, um, this client, this, uh, this person, went on to be my client and soulmate magnet.
41:20
Sanaiya: Okay, and I worked with her through the program to not only heal from her marriage, you know, to overcome the divorce, and also, you know, she comes from an Asian culture, so divorce is something very, very negatively seen.
41:41
Sanaiya: So, overcoming all of that, and on top of that, she lost her mother, who she was very close to.
41:49
Sanaiya: So it wasn't just about the soulmate, but it was all these other things that were also happening in her life.
41:57
Sanaiya: And I worked with her and she attracted a partner after my program.
42:04
Sanaiya: It didn't work out, but then a month later or a couple of months later, she attracted somebody else who proposed after dating for two months Kind of a story very similar to mine.
42:19
Sanaiya: He proposed after they dated for two months and I went to the wedding recently and honestly, they are a perfect match.
42:30
Sanaiya: I couldn't imagine two people more well suited to each other.
42:35
Cassandra: And the crazy thing is Cassandra.
42:38
Sanaiya: the guy she's marrying is someone I knew, maybe 15 years ago, was a friend of mine, and I don't even know how they found each other.
42:47
Sanaiya: It had nothing to do with me, but they're together and they are so incredibly happy and I can see that they are.
42:59
Sanaiya: They're just so right for each other in such a specific way.
43:04
Sanaiya: That's good, and not only did I see her grow, but I attended the wedding of her and my friend, who I haven't seen in 15, you know, for a decade.
43:17
Sanaiya: So it just showed me that you know when you do the work, yeah, the most unexpected of ways, yeah, happen, they fall into place and I've seen that cassandra happen over and over again where I'm working with my clients and it's it's to me, it's it's like, of course, if you're going to clear all your past baggage, you're going to clear all your fears, all your trauma around love.
43:44
Sanaiya: Right, you're going to learn to love yourself and you're so clear on what you want, then you're going to get there.
43:51
Sanaiya: But the key is to be able to really do the healing work, really let go of everything that is holding you back, because if you don't do that, then you're going to just recreate the pattern.
44:03
Sanaiya: You might even get married, you might even find your partner, but then somewhere in the relationship those same patterns sooner or later are going to show up again.
44:12
Sanaiya: So it really is about doing a good job of clearing whatever is you?
44:18
Sanaiya: know unhealed, unresolved, from your past.
44:21
Cassandra: Yeah, that's a beautiful, beautiful story and I'm certain a part of this is that your client has to want it.
44:30
Cassandra: You know you can't come in there.
44:32
Cassandra: Yeah Right, Let me see what she's going to do.
44:35
Cassandra: I'm not sure this is yeah Right, right, and it's all about, like, those self limiting, those limiting beliefs.
44:42
Cassandra: Wow, so now, as we talked about before we came on, I'm like, well, it could take 40 minutes or it could take three hours.
44:50
Cassandra: Well, we know, we can't talk that long.
44:54
Sanaiya: Yeah, there's so much to say, there's so much to talk about, but I think we've done.
44:59
Sanaiya: We've done well, we've done a good job of you know absolutely.
45:04
Cassandra: How can my listeners get in touch with you, particularly because everything you do is virtual, is that?
45:10
Sanaiya: right.
45:10
Sanaiya: Yes, everything I do is virtual.
45:12
Sanaiya: I have clients all over the world the world we know.
45:16
Sanaiya: Thank you so much, and you can find me on my website it's SanayaGurnamalcom.
45:22
Sanaiya: On all social media channels Instagram, youtube, tiktok.
45:23
Sanaiya: It's SanayaGurnamalcom on all social media channels Instagram, youtube, tiktok.
45:28
Sanaiya: It's Sanaya Gurnamal.
45:29
Sanaiya: And I would also love to invite your listeners to take my quiz, the love blocks quiz.
45:36
Sanaiya: It's SanayaGurnamalcom.
45:38
Sanaiya: Forward slash love dash blocks dash quiz.
45:43
Sanaiya: And, of course, you can.
45:45
Sanaiya: You know you'll, I know you'll put this in the show notes so they can basically go straight to it.
45:51
Sanaiya: And yeah, you know, drop me a DM If you have any questions.
45:55
Sanaiya: Take the quiz, learn more about yourself and and go for love.
46:01
Sanaiya: You know love is the most important thing in our lives.
46:07
Cassandra: Right, right.
46:07
Cassandra: So let's stop that quiz again.
46:09
Cassandra: Is it Sanaya?
46:11
Sanaiya: Sanaya.
46:11
Sanaiya: It's Sanaya.
46:13
Sanaiya: I'm going to put it in the chat for you.
46:15
Sanaiya: It's SanayaGurnamalcom, my full name Forward slash.
46:22
Sanaiya: Okay, love dash blocks, blocks.
46:23
Sanaiya: With an X Quiz forward slash love dash blocks, blocks with an x quiz.
46:31
Cassandra: Love dash blocks, dash quiz okay well, great, this has been a phenomenal conversation, as I told my listeners before we even got started.
46:43
Cassandra: Is there anything next for Sanaya?
46:47
Cassandra: Because I know this is your mission, which you said is simple, it's, yet it's revolutionary, and make love your power, move in love, life and business.
46:57
Cassandra: Anything else for you, my dear, as we close up close up.
47:08
Sanaiya: Well, I am looking forward to sharing my message of self-love to as many people as I can reach.
47:11
Sanaiya: So I do have a book in motion.
47:17
Sanaiya: I do have many exciting things, but I do want to leave your listeners with the message that the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself, right, and that's the one that sets the tone for every other relationship.
47:35
Sanaiya: So love yourself first.
47:39
Cassandra: Wow, well said, well said.
47:41
Cassandra: Thank you so much, sanaya again, and to all my listeners, well said.
47:47
Cassandra: Thank you so much, sanaya again, and to all my listeners.
47:49
Cassandra: I know you know many individuals that would love to hear the message that was just presented today, so I encourage you to share, to click, subscribe and like, and again, Sanaya, thank you so much, and my listeners I always say bye for now and God bless you all.
48:08
Cassandra: Thanks again, sanaya, thank you so much, and my listeners I always say bye for now and God bless you all.
48:11
Cassandra: Thanks again, sanaya, thank you.