Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S3 E28 - I've Got Some Good News and Some Bad News

Transcript

S3 E28 - I've Got Some Good News and Some Bad News · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you, Johnny and Jeff.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: What a great night to be back in the studio, isn't it?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: What it's so exciting.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's wonderful.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: How's it going, Steve?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff is going great, I'll tell you.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we've I I was thinking about this.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: We've had a lot of shows where we talked about stuff that's not going so great.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: It'd be good if we could do a show where we just talk about things that are going well.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't that be fun?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of along that theme, it's been gorgeous here.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: The weather's been, you know, it's been so nice that I actually put away my uh Jewish space laser.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I haven't changed the weather, and and look, we still have great weather.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody's been using their space laser down in Texas because they got all those tornadoes.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just saying.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it wasn't me.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I haven't been down there.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you try to take those space lasers through customs and through security and stuff like that, and it's awkward.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: And oh, TSA won't let you do it, I tell you.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: They don't, and you have more than three ounces of liquid in there, you know.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: And you check it and they're gonna break it, you know.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: They throw those around to say, you know, you don't want to do that either, right?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I told you before that I we had gone to Europe and I brought my space laser with me, and I got caught caught in security, and you know, they held me, they wanted to know what it was, and you know, clearly they weren't Jewish or they wouldn't they would know, right?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: My point is I I was not in Texas, I did not use it, and it wasn't my fault.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I did hear a rumor that maybe Ted Cruz's father may have one as well.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't I didn't know if he was I didn't know that he was Jewish, but maybe he's he borrowed it from somebody and he he cosplays as Jewish, perhaps.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I don't know, you know.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I wasn't Jack Ruby Jewish.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: Jack Ruby was, yes, was in fact.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe from him, you know, at the time.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not I'm not completely sure, but there's always rumors about the Cruz family, and and I I don't like it.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I can't believe that they would have created these disasters in Texas, and uh you know, so I can't believe it.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: I I can't believe that somebody would be that cruel now being part of the assassination of President Kennedy.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there might be something to that, but oh, changing the weather, no, that's horrible.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, you're not like that.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: You really don't use your laser to create problems or trouble or bad weather.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, from what I know, I mean you just use it to create you know nice beach weather in the summer, and then you don't have to shovel snow in the winter, you keep it a little just warm enough to kind of melt.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: You use your superpower for good.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was raised that way, Steve.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, I come from a long line of parents and grandparents, and they all use their lasers for good.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I was gonna say long line of weathermen, yeah, right.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wish there was a way I could come up with something like this uh space laser to to change my attitude because late, you know, to be more positive.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you mentioned that it's a good time to be positive, but I just really struggle with that.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, you know, I look around and and just everything is going to hell.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: We've got enemies all around us, north and south, and DEI is is everywhere, you know, dead elephant intestines, and those are nasty.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, yeah.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, boy, you smell those?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I can smell them from here, you know.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's horrible.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and the stock market's bad, and you know, it's got the Yips, the uh, you know, yellow infected pus syndrome, which I hear is is really contagious.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's interesting because I had heard that Yips stood for your IRA is past saving.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: I think it means I too.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I might, you know, I don't know.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: It could could be both.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, maybe it's a regional thing.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe in Texas it means yellow infected pus syndrome.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's contagious too, right?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, the IRA thing.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, that's very contagious.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there's a lot of people coming down with that.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: And to make matters worse, and now we're we look at you know, some of the the great American universities have been infiltrated by Gaza loving foreigners and DEI, deranged Ecuadorian insurrectionists.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they're the worst, they're the worst.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I was just gonna say they are the worst, yes.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so I don't know if we hit rock bottom yet, or is there still room?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't understand why we have to import all these insurrectionists, why they can't be you know homegrown like like we had, you know, on January 6th.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, there was a time where we could manufacture our own insurrections and we didn't need to import them.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, oh, I guess they'd have to pay our insurrections too much, they don't want to spend that much on the insurrection, right?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So they have to import it.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Get free out of jail cards, yeah.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: Get free room and board for a while, and then you get then you get a pardon and you can go on a speaking tour.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: I of course nobody'll nobody'll show up for your speeches, but you you can go on a speaking tour.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: I I was thinking that it'd be great to do a positive show, but I I was actually feeling pretty good until you started listing all those things that are are going wrong.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's a lot to really feel bad about.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, uh there's I it's a lot of stuff going on.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Looks like we have our show talking points right there.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: There are a lot of them.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not like I haven't tried to be positive, and I try to even have dreams that with with good thoughts.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we had that person on that talked about what you eat is what you dream.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so oh, yeah, we've done a lot on dreams.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've been trying to eat food that would make me have a positive dream, but instead, I just get these sort of good news, bad news dreams.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: They feel good at the beginning and then they end poorly.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't know.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: So wow, say good news, bad news, dream.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: What what what are those like?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I had one the other night.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is kind of interesting.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think you would find this interesting um because we're both big baseball fans.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think you're sure fan.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a I'm a Sox fan.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And in the dream, we had this agreement, and it seemed so real.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: It seemed like you and I had just talked about this.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And in the dream, it was that if one of us dies first, the other one would come back and let them know if there's baseball in heaven.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's kind of sweet.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's a sort of feel-good movie that we need these days, you know.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, that's assuming we both end up in heaven, which I well I'm confident that we will be.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: So that was how the dream kind of began.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Although maybe that is real.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they they're all run into each other.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: Baseball.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: Boy, yeah, I just love baseball.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: So you just can't beat fun at the old ballpark, you know.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm gonna write that down.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think somebody's gonna want to say that on a show someday.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, so you got baseball, and then you add heaven into the mix.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: All good stuff, right?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: So so tell me about the dream.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: What happened?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it it it's weird.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think you were headed to a baseball game.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think you were headed to Wrigley Field, yeah, and there was a car crash and you died.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so that now is that the good news or the bad news?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's actually the good news.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it gets worse from there.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, oh well, that oh, this sounds great.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, because uh a couple nights after you died, you visited me, and I was in my sleep, and you visited me, and you said that you had some good news and some bad news.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and the the good news was that sure enough, in heaven there's baseball, and yeah, you've been playing it non-stop from morning to night, and all your friends that have died are there, and family members that have died are there, and even your baseball heroes like Ernie Banks and Glenn Beckard, and they were all there and you played baseball all night.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: Gosh, I'm probably going out for beers with milk pappas and you know Jack Brickhouse.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, this would be wonderful.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, what what what could possibly be the bad news?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you said that I was pitching tomorrow night.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, I say, well, that's that's bad news, though, right?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: Especially for our team because you suck at pitching.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and the whole death thing, too.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's yeah, that's bad.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but you know, Jeff, uh what you're feeling, what you're experiencing is really not unique to you.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, a lot of people are going through that now, especially if you're a minority, a woman, trans, poor, an immigrant on social security, near being on social security, or you have relatives in Canada or Denmark, or you think penguins should be terror-free.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, uh there's just a lot going on, you know.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I yeah, I'm not alone.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, you're not alone at all.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe we just need to find some humor, joy, and a silver lining in everything you see.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of, you know, kind of what we do on our show.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: We're we're really silver lining kind of people, aren't we, Jeff?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, really, when it comes down to it.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: I never really thought of it that way.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, I I didn't even know that's what we do on our show, which is you know, kind of surprising since we've been on the air for three years.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: I constantly forget what we do too, so it's really excited.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: There's you know, but you know, if you think about it, there is good news all around us, and you just have to look for it and you have to decide, hey, I'm gonna focus on the good.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, let me give you an example here.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: You remember that fake story?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: We actually did a show about this.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: Remember the fake story about people eating their pets in Springfield, Ohio, the big lie that Vance and his his master and and the master's master were were putting out there.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: It was a complete lie.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: I just read a fake article that had a happy ending.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: See, I guess since all everybody in Springfield, they've been deported to various South American countries, some of them in El Salvador, some of them in in places that you know you can't even pronounce, didn't even know we're countries, right?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: So they've been deported all all over the place, most of them by mistake.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: But they're gonna stay there because you know, hey, once we make a mistake, oopsie, can't fix it, right?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, nothing we can do.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: So that's right, you know, they're all gone.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: The whole city's basically emptied out, nobody's eating any of those restaurants anymore.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: So because of that, the last fake doggy restaurant just closed.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: Uh in fact, well, in fact, all the restaurants have closed in Springfield because everybody got deported.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: So that's some really good fake news.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: That is really good news.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Before we move on, I just like to sort of defend the administration because you know when they were well, yeah, they were departing a lot of people that didn't deserve to departing.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Did I say departing?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think they're still dying.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're still having that dream.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's heavily the good news, bad news, and we'll let the audience decide if that which which side that's on.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and those people who are deported are going to be departing particularly.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, departing, yeah, right.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: They're on departing flights, and they may be taking more than departing flights, yes.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but the idea that you'd have to go and give each one of them some sort of a hearing, and you'd have to fill out paperwork before you actually deport them.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Who who has time to do that?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I I just I think it's unrealistic.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: If it doesn't go right for everybody, who cares, right?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the majority of the people who are deported, or at least half of them deserve to be deported.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the other half, you know.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think one thing that our king has really shown us clearly is that following the law is just it's too much work, it's a bother.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: Way too much.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: It gets in the way of what you want to do.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: Who needs following the law?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, just say, hey, I am the law.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you're right, that is good news that they're not eating the dogs anymore.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: And well, you know, they they weren't ever dogs, but yeah, they're not eating them now anymore because they never were.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So so see silver lining, right?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm starting to kind of get the point of this.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: I it and it it kind of reminds me of something else, a little bit of good news out of Ohio again.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, Ohio, just just loaded with good news.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and this isn't even fake, round on each end and high in the middle.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like me, high in the middle.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I had a girlfriend like that in high school, but but I digress.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, go ahead, go ahead.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: But it's out of Columbus, Ohio.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay, home of the Ohio State.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: The Ohio State University, yes.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't know if you remember this because this was a while back.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was in this uh from this somewhere in the mid-70s to the mid-90s, that there was this scandal, and the scandal was about a doctor who was the official doctor of the athletic department, specifically though, for the wrestling team.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and his name was yeah, his name was Richard Strauss.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: It turned out that you know he molested a bunch of wrestlers and other athletes at Ohio State over this 20-year period.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it turns out that he's dead now, he committed suicide, and that's really good news.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, not fake news.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, and uh you know, and that's really progress.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: I hope that all the kids are okay.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: That happened today with today's Congress.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you'd see Jim Jordan, Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: He'd want a full investigation into that tragedy.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: He'd he'd string that thing out for 30 years if he had to.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: And like he said a thousand times, you know, of course, when he was investigating you know, Hunter Biden, no one is stupid enough to believe for a second that people don't know what was happening, especially those at the top, what's happening right in front of them, right?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, he said that a bunch, right?
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: So it must be true.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, he's such a tough guy, though, a straight shooter for sure.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: And he's all about right and wrong.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's very clear, there's no gray area, and you know, especially wrong.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: He he has this sixth sense where he can just detect when something is wrong.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: I heard that he was actually a wrestler in college and he even coached wrestling as well.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I bet he was great at it.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I think he may have played and coached somewhere in the mid-70s to the mid-90s.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think he went to Ohio State.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure, and and he wrestled for Ohio State and coached there too.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: And that kind of overlaps with the whole the Straussian philosophy here, you know, that yeah the whole molesting thing that was going on.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: But of course, we all know that because Jim Jordan is such a stand-up guy, he would have gotten right to the bottom of it right away during those 12 years he was with the wrestling team.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure he wouldn't have just stood by and done nothing, of course, right?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, he's proven time and again that when bad stuff happens, he will work relentlessly to find someone, usually hopefully a Democrat, to blame it on, right?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's no doubt.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, he's he's such a good guy.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, with Mr.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Jordan and the Republican Party as a whole, it's always about the kids.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Always about protecting the kids.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's about the kids.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Protecting, yeah well.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, just just look at how concerned all the Republicans were when Matt Gates was accused of supplying illegal drugs to underage girls and then having sex with them.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: They took that very seriously.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: They got right on that.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they almost started an investigation almost immediately, and you know, it lasted about three years.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And but at the end, it resulted in them nominating Matt Gates for the eternal attorney general position.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: So see, that that proves your point, though, because really being AG in this administration has got to be pure torture.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: I, you know, he'd probably rather go to prison than be AG for this administration.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think Richard Strauss was actually offered that.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: He probably was at one point, you know, and then I mean, I I know that sounds kind of bad, but you know, the women that he gave the drugs to and and had sex with, they were underage, but they were at least in their teens, so that's why Congress didn't get so interested.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: If they, you know, say they'd been, oh, I don't know, unborn, let's say, they would have taken immediate action.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and maybe, who knows, maybe then he would have only been nominated to well, I don't know, let's say ambassador to Ghana or something.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: And what about that tough guy, Jim Jordan?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: He was so mad at Matt Gates, he couldn't even express that anger publicly.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: He was that mad.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: He could just he shut his mouth.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't think I've ever seen him shut his mouth.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, no, and I think Matt Gates would have been great at that job, or maybe the head of the IRS, and he could run a task force to make sure that all children at Harvard and Columbia are protected from those foreign student protests, you know.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, come to think of it though, Jim Jordan would be great in that position as well to deal with those protests at Harvard.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because the one thing about Jim Jordan is he will never put up with any students protesting.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: You got that right.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: He certainly never did in the past, let me tell you that.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: And no, you know, I'll tell you, it really takes somebody with their clear-eyed vision to see that freedom of speech is anti-Semitic, or is it anti-semantics?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, but he but I digress.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_02: So so but see see what we're doing here, Jeff?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, even in the worst of times, you can find a little good in everything.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: So we're finding some of the good, some of the good that happened here.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, uh let's play a game.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: What do you say?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we got we got some time here in the show.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: Let's play a game.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: Give me an example of something that you're worried about, and let's see if we can find the good in it, find that silver lining.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about the stock market.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, there you go.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's in total free fall, yeah.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: Pretty much.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I'm just watching my life savings go up in smoke.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, let's take a crack at that one.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: Great example, perfect example, in fact.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: So, what do we know about the stock market?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: It has all my money in it, and it's in a total free fall, and all I can do is watch my life savings go up in smoke or go down the drain.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and I maybe this is where you're you're kind of reaching me here because I'm trying to think of the best scenario, and I think the best scenario might be if it went down the drain.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: Because you know, to drain it, drain is perfect because think about it.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: What do you need when the market's going down?
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: You need liquidity, and liquidity goes down the drain.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: That's it exactly.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you can fish out some of the money, yeah.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be able to do that.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it might smell bad, but you know, is that kind of the silver lining to look at for here?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's it exactly.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's it exactly.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you feel better?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_02: Just knowing that it's you know, it's going down the drain, this liquidity, it's uh you know, and and remember, stock market almost always, almost always, bounces back, uh, unless of course we have a recession or runaway inflation or something, but yeah, it's the likelihood of that.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's not gonna happen.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, you know, see, see, uh, you know, here's the thing about the stock market if it's anything, it is resilient.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: It goes up, it goes down, it usually finds its way back to the top at some point.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it might take you know 20, 30, 40 years to get back to these levels, but hey, you know, it'll happen, right?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: Just sit tight.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and I you know, I I I don't think people understand though the real threat to the stock market is runaway inflation or a recession, which is, you know, again, very unlikely to happen.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, as long as prices remain low, because I you know, our king has told us they've been prices are really, really low now.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: They've been going way down, and interest rates are steady, you know, we ought to be fine, you know.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_02: And and he is either going to or not going to fire the Jerome Powell.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: So, hey, you know, we'll I guess we'll find out.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: But hey, that so far interest rates haven't been affected.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's a formula that we have successfully used since the Great Depression.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: And hey, when have we ever had a problem?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're really turning me around on this.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there you go.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: See, yeah, I feel better already.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And and if we do have a recession because of the tariffs, all I have to do is look at the word recession, you know, and the root word recess.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: Who doesn't love recess?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, recess was the best thing.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's the only reason I went to school, was to have recess.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's really good news in itself.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: You want to try another problem?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: What else keeps you up all night worrying?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, here's one that keeps me up all night worrying.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's exactly where we're what we're asking for.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: Would you like that?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: That is a precise.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually it.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Then I that is a precise.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's insomnia, but yeah, it could be all night world.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: Could be the neighbor playing the you know the dead Kennedys record.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, hey, you know, uh whatever it is.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not real specific, but it does keep me up all night, and it's been doing that since I don't know, since the beginning of the year.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I you know, and I look for the silver linings in my pillow and stuff.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: I really don't see any, but um you gotta get new gotta get new pillowcases, you know.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: So that maybe Trump pillows, aren't those gold linings?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, those are gold, yeah.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: So you wouldn't have a silver lining, those are gold, and you know, they got the gold lining is pretty nice, but they got they got his face on it, and uh, you know, I don't know, you know.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: I gotcha anyway.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I guess I'm just generically worried, and I have trouble sleeping.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: So can you help me with that?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: I can help you.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: This is actually this is an easy one for me, Jeff.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: Remember that dream you told me about the beginning of the show?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh had a happy ending, as I recall, a silver lining.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: You got to play baseball and pitch, maybe against hey, you know, you might have been pitching against Minnie Minoso or or Nellie Fox, one of the great White Sox players.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Carlton Fisk, you know, is a great white sex player too.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_02: And because now if there's some of the more modern white sex players there, you know, and you were pitching against them, boy, you'd have some tremendous success.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: You wouldn't even have to be that good.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: And you'd probably strike them all out.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, how great would that be?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: That would be great.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't think Carlton Fisk is dead yet, but in my dream, he might be dead.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_02: But uh you know, we're not dead and we were in your dream.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: I put put fisk in.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're exactly right.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: I guess the only problem I have with that is that I I would have to die first.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, gosh, Jeff, if you're just gonna look at the negative, I mean if you know anybody can look at what the problems, you know.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, since it was only a dream, uh I guess that doesn't really count, at least, you know, not yet, I suppose.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's kind of like January 6th, right?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was pretty much just a dream.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: It was a dream, yeah.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't real, and right.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: So um yeah, what we saw, what we saw didn't exist, you know.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: But I think there's something about you, Steve, that is unique and special, and maybe something that I don't have because you just seem so well adjusted, you know.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is there how how do you do that?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: How does how do you stay so positive?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I I find that gallons of pop-ov with my mom help, okay, you know, and and sometimes we add you know, soda or tonic or something, but you know, usually not, just you know, because it it kind of gets in the way, you know what I'm saying?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: It dilutes it.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_02: But even beyond that, I'm actually just a pretty happy guy, considering the state of the world.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't know, I might be unique.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: I might I'm probably lucky to be this happy.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: Let me tell you why.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm in a good situation because you know, I'm not an immigrant, I'm not gonna need an abortion, right?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm straight, I don't work for the federal government, never had much in my 401k, I'm not a minority.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: Eric Trump doesn't mow my grass, although you know, he should.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't spend time in national parks, so hey, close them.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, I'm not a bear, right?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I'm current on my vaccines, I'm not on Medicaid because bye-bye, you know.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not a woman, you know, not planning to sell my house soon.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, don't live in Springfield, Ohio.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I have never eaten a pet.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I've fed pets, but I've eaten with pets, but I've never here.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: And and probably best of all, our king doesn't owe me any money and hasn't hired me to do any work.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think I'm good.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like thank the Lord for you know the good stuff, the things that you know, like like you worry, oh, I lost my job, but then you think, well, but I have my health.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: In this case, well, right, exactly.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many reasons for you to be grateful.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: That is so true, Jeff.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: And and you know, when we really if you if you just look at the bad, I mean it can really stack up, kind of like cars on the Dan Ryan at you know, Friday Rush, you know, it's just it can really stack up and and you can get stuck, kind of like on the Dan Ryan.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, if you just if you just think that with each of those little like if each negative is a car, let's say, within that car, yes, okay, you've got some negative and you've got maybe a lot of negative, but within each car, you've got maybe a little silver lining, a little positive.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe there's some toll change in the in the coin slots.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: There's something in there, you know, there's something good.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe there's a little present for someone in the trunk.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: Who knows?
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, there's always something good that you can look at, Jeff, you know.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if you go back to like the beginning of January, half the things that you mentioned that do not affect you that are here now, they may not even be as important as the future things that will affect you, right?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: So absolutely we should be grateful that we live in a country.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even go through your list again, but uh, you know, all those things, yeah.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: All those things have gone bad, but yeah, it can be a lot worse.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, oh, it sure could.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: It'll be a lot worse.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: And and who knows?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because hey, six months ago, that wasn't a list.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: That wasn't none of those were a problem six months ago.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't even guess what those things will be.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, probably the next to go.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: Once you get immigrants, once you get the press, once you get people that disagree with you, politicians, everything, they're gonna go after people that keep coins in their in their car, keep coins in the change thing, because they really should do the toll pass.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's just so much easier.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: And yes, they can track you from the toll pass.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're concerned about that, maybe there's some other things we should look at too, right?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that the IRS is is gonna be an issue in the future too.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how many times I just gotta notice they just replaced the temporary head of the IRS again.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's the seventh or eighth.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh this week, you mean?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's week, yeah.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, I don't know what could go bad if they if they don't know how they don't have a good way to collect money, you know.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: I right.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: You say it'll be an issue in the future.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: I is it gonna have a future.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and when I say future, I mean this weekend.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: This week.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, because because hey, who knows beyond predicting what might happen today or tomorrow, who knows what, right?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, those guys are better.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, see?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: You've really turned me around.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: I just I I feel great.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm gonna be able to sleep really well tonight.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: That is so great, Jeff.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much, and you know, maybe you'll have a dream, maybe you'll have a dream, you'll pick up where you left off.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, sometimes that happens where you wake up from a dream and you go back to sleep and you pick right back up where you where you were.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you'll pick right back up and you'll be pitching, and it'll be mini monoso batting, though, doing the crouch.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: He's ready.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if he gets on, he's it gets on, he's gonna steal bases, you know that, right?
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: So you just you gotta be ready, you know.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta be ready.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, although I heard that uh in the future that all the dreams cannot have anybody from Mexico or the Caribbean.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: So uh Yeah, well, was he from the DR, wasn't he?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think he was, yeah.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think he was from here, and so I may have to substitute like Carlos May there.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think he's from, although he's black.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know Nelly Fox.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Nellie Fox.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: Nelly Fox, of course, perfect example.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, with a name like Nelly, I mean they might have some gender questions, you know, gender preference questions.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, you know.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: But there may be a few, a few out there that could be in my dream.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah, as long as nobody's paying too much attention.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, it's your dream, you can decide who pays attention.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I would like to think so.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, thank you again.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm ready, I'm ready to go to bed.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I, you know, we we are funny you should say that because we are just about to get kicked out of eccentric lady lane studios here.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: But I think I think Jeff, you know, usually we give gifts to the the guests.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think because you've had so many problems, Jeff.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think the show should give you some things tonight to help you feel better, to help you see that silver lining.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, Johnny, what do we have for Jeff?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'd be so happy to give Jeff gifts, but the sponsors had a problem with it.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: Something about looking like the fix was in.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: And both of you have told me not to spend more than five dollars of show money.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I got Jeff this beautiful laminated list of his medical conditions and prescriptions, straight from the federal records, and a steal at only$4.99.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks to Xmarks the Spot Company, formerly doing business in the United States, for making this bargain possible.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a Dr.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: Calligari production in association with some Nambulus Media.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Read all about Stephen Jeff at the website, stephenjeff.com.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny speaking.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: Steve's mom and I never have a problem getting to sleep.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: All that pop-up really helps.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the dreams we have.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Last night, after dinner in a movie, we had the same dream.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: By the time I jolted away, the credits were rolling.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'll have to watch that movie sometime.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: Good night.