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How to stop wanting a narcissist back · The Mental Healness Podcast

0:00
What is going on beautiful people?
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Welcome to another episode of the narcissist Code.
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I'm your favorite self aware narcissist.
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Mr. Lee Hammock better known as mental illness across all social
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media platforms. This your first time seeing my
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face or hearing my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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narcissist and I use my platform on social media to raise
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awareness for NPD, get more people into therapy like myself,
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and also validate the victims, survivors and thrivers of state
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disorder, said Toxic people said toxic traits.
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Today's episode is going to be about how to not want a
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narcissist back, how to not want them back, how to stop wanting
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to go back into a toxic relationship with a toxic
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narcissistic person. How?
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This is one of the main questions that I get on a lot of
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my y'all. That's one of the main questions
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that I get on every single platform without fail is how do
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I stop going back? How do I keep?
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How do I leave this person alone for good?
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How do I stop making myself look this way or feel this way when
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I'm talking to or dealing with this person?
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How, how, how, How? So this is just my perspective.
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Y'all, you can watch a lot of other people's videos and
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they're going to use different perspectives.
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Maybe some people will give you a similar perspective, but this
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is mine right here. I said white here, this is my
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daughter just mixes up her L's and her WS, you know she's
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instead of says Pillow. She said pillow.
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I'll be imitating it and it just mixes my own language up.
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Y'all said White Here she's a little, she's a little, she's a
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little me. It's funny, but yeah, so how to
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stop wandering back? Y'all tell the truth.
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Tell yourself the truth. Tell yourself the truth.
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Not a version of it. Not something that makes you
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feel good. The truth.
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Tell yourself the truth about where you are right now.
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Tell your truth about how you got here right now.
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And tell y'all tell the truth about the dynamics of the
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relationship, not the story that they told you I don't care
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about. Yeah, if you, if you're watching
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this video, you think you're dealing with a toxic,
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narcissistic person, or you might actually be dealing with a
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narcissist, you're watching this video for a reason.
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So we're not. So we're going to take the story
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that they told you, ball it up and shoot it into the trash can
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where it belongs. And you can say Kobe.
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Who? Whoever your favorite NBA
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players. Look, when I shoot stuff in the
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trash, I say Kobe because 824 rest in peace.
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I say Kobe. We're going to say Kobe for the
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red. It's always be Kobe in the trash
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can, nobody else. My son, said Steph Curry.
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I'm just like, I gave him the side out.
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Kobe, you say Kobe, you know it just did that space right there.
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This is what it goes right here. Y'all just tell yourself the
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truth. Not their story.
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Look, we not, we're going to reframe our minds today.
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We're going to take away what they told you and we're going to
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build onto what you what is actually the truth.
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We don't care what they say, y'all we don't care what they
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say. We we are working at work.
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We are working. We are working on us.
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We just are. So you have to tell yourself the
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truth about what is going on right now, in this moment.
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Don't make excuses for them. Don't make excuses for you.
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Tell the truth and the truth is going to hurt.
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Y'all the truth. Y'all hear somebody say the
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truth hurts. Yeah, the truth is supposed to
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hurt sometimes. Y'all the truth should not
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always make you feel good and be giddy inside and just the truth
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should not always light you up. The truth sometimes make you
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hurt. Maybe you should feel some pain
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because you have to feel the pain to be able to leave and
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cross the threshold. You have to.
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You have to cross the threshold outside of this of this toxic
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relationship dynamic. You have to get out of it.
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You have to. But yeah, what is the benefit of
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staying in this toxicity? I need to know quickly now, what
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is the benefit of staying within this toxic relationship dynamic?
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What are you getting out of this truth?
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Truth. Tell yourself the truth.
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Answer this question right here. What am I getting from this
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person? And the answer this is right
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here. These are the rules right here.
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When you answer that question, the you cannot say I don't know
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and you cannot say nothing. Those cannot.
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You cannot write those down. So I need you to write down what
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am I getting from this person. What have I gotten from this
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person? You can't say, I don't know.
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You can't say, you can't say nothing because if you're
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getting nothing from this person, then you wouldn't be.
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It'd be easy for you to leave if you were absolutely getting
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nothing from this person. It would be easy for you to turn
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around and walk away from this relationship or what, not
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necessarily walk away, walk towards something.
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Because people, when you're walking away, you tend to want
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to, you tend to want to look back.
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You tend to want to look back In this space.
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You tend to, you tend to want to look back.
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In these relationships. You tend to want to go back into
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it. When you look back.
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Sometimes you go back, you know, so you're walking towards
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something and you're running a race.
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When you run into the race, you don't look behind you to see
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where everybody's at you, You run it.
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The the, the quicker you want to finish the race, the more your
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eyes have to stay focused forward.
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So we're we're forward focused, not like not like a forward
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focus. We're forward focused in this
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space right now. You know you can be forward, you
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can be forward focused in a Ford Focus if you want to.
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You know you want to do that alliteration right there, that
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tongue, that tongue twister forward focused in a Ford Focus.
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You can do it like that if you want to, but that's the space
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right there. Y'all that's it.
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That's it. Be truthful to yourself and
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don't lie. Write down, write down the stuff
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that makes you hurt. The stuff that makes you feel
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pain. The stuff that makes you want to
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cry. And just yeah, yeah, you need to
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write it down. You need to read it to yourself.
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Because don't. I don't, I don't.
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Yeah, I don't care about you thinking it.
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Write it down. Put it down.
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When you write it down. Writing it down makes it real.
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Write it down, make it real. That's why people tell you to
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journal. That's why people tell you to
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journal things out and write stuff down.
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That's why I developed these self love journal on Amazon to
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help people right now how you feel about yourself.
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This is help rebuild yourself love after a toxic relationship
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and help you get out of it. You know because the self love
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is what a lot of people lack when you're in these spaces you
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know, but that's part of it. Y'all who are like tell yourself
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the truth about what are you getting from this person.
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You can't say nothing. You can't say I don't know, you
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can't do that. Y'all because I don't know.
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It's so easy. And that keeps.
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If you say, I don't know that's so easy and it's you want to
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stay in the toxicity, then you cannot say I don't know.
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You have to dig deeper. You have to look.
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You keep having to dig deeper. You keep having to dig.
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You have to like you got your shovel.
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All right. You you have a shovel right.
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You digging it. You you looking for a treasure
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chest. You're looking for a treasure
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chest that is very underneath the toxicity.
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So you have to figure out what are you getting from this
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person. So you got to dig deeper.
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I don't know. Dig keep digging.
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Nothing. Keep digging.
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You know what am I looking for? I don't.
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I I can't tell you what to look for.
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Y'all. You have to determine what
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you're looking for. You have to determine what
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you're getting from this person so you can cut it off.
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What do you feel like you're getting from this person?
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You understand what you're getting from this person.
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You keep digging, keep digging, and then you keep digging.
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You know, you watch the movies. When they keep digging and they
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hit the top of something, they're like, y'all hear that?
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We hit something. Yeah, we.
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I think we found it. Dig around it.
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So you dig around it and you dig up the chest.
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You have the key. I Lee, can you open this chest
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for me? I think I found Lee.
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Can you open this chest for me? I think I found what I'm getting
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from them. I don't have.
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I don't have the key. It's your chest.
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It's got your name on it. Your name is on the lock.
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Your name is on the lock. Why would Lee Hammock have the
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key? Why would Ben Taylor role
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motivations have the key? Why would sinful have the key?
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Why would strangle them before? Why would any of these people
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have the key? Why would Doctor Romney have the
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key? Why would, let's call it, have
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to get you? You mean, why would they have
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the key? It's your chest.
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You have to open the key. You have the key for it.
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And the key is figuring out that when you when you figure out
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what the key is, you open that chest and you understand what
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you're getting from this person, You're like, damn, this is what
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I'm getting. I'm getting validation, some
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weird validation. I'm getting what my parents
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didn't give me. I'm getting whatever it is
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you're getting and understand that you can get it, get it from
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a different source. You can get it from yourself.
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You can get it from you. You can get it from you.
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Whatever that person is giving you, you can get it from you, or
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somebody else can give it to you.
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Out. And why?
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Why this one person? Ask again, ask yourself another
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question. Why this one person?
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I need you to I'm not going to do this for you.
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You got this is your homework. You have to get on Siri right
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now. Ask Siri or Alexa or whoever to
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whoever you talk to Google. Get on Google or LinkedIn or
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Binks. What a bink.
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What is it? I forgot the name of the other
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site. The search engine?
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Ask Ask Jeeves if y'all haven't updated your computer in years.
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You know, ask jeeves.com or I think it's called ask.com now,
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but get on there and type. In my mind, I lost my train of
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thought. Get in there and type in the
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population of the world, the population, and you can get more
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specific with it, the population of your state, the population of
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your city. You can get more specific if you
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need to, but you're going to probably come up with a big, a
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very large answer, even if you live in a small town, because
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the population of your city, if it's not 2, then there's more
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options out there. You see what I'm saying?
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If it's not, oh, the town we live in is 2 people.
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It's like, OK, and then then you got me.
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You know what I mean? Then you got me.
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But this population is not two people, it's more people.
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I'm just telling you this is not me.
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This is not me saying that there's more fish in the sea.
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This is just me telling you that there's a sea and you're in the
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sea. You don't have to.
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You don't need love, affection, care from somebody else.
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If you get into yourself, if you're supplying yourself with
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this, you don't need to get it from elsewhere.
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You know what I mean? If you're if you're getting the
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source from yourself, you don't need to get it from elsewhere.
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So if you got that yourself, Love is super high.
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There's nobody that can take that from you yourself.
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Love is skyrocketing through the roof.
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There's nobody that can do anything about that.
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This is on you. This is why you have to empower
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you. You have to.
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You know what I mean. Lee, can you open the chest for
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me? No, I can't do it, Doctor.
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Ramen, they come open this chest for me.
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They can't do it. You know what I mean?
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Who can open the chest for you? You have to open this chest.
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You dug deep. You have to figure out what You
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get it from this person and cut it off.
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Cut off the source. Damn up.
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Damn it. Up.
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Well, leaves are sick. I don't.
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Yeah. When we sleep together, nobody
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else can put it on me like this. Oh, my goodness.
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Yeah. I don't know.
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We get graphic, but there's there's a lot of other people
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out here who can do it. Whatever this person is doing
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for you, there's a lot of other people who can do it for you.
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I probably should in in the bedroom, bedroom, talk, bedroom,
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bedroom, boom. You know me.
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But that's the space that you're in right now.
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Y'all you have to want you. You have to want it for
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yourself. You have to stop making excuses.
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Stop making excuses for them. Stop making excuses for
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yourself. Stop making excuses.
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Please and please if you have kids, do not use the kids as an
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as an excuse. Because when you use your kids
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as an excuse to stay in toxicity, there's some some kind
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of weird transference that goes on there where you can actually
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start resenting your kids because you feel like they're
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holding you inside of toxicity. I stayed for the kids.
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Huh. I stayed for the kids.
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So think about that right there. Y'all I know everybody's
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situation is different. Y'all I if you say I stayed for
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the kids, there's some you. Do you see what I'm saying?
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Do you see what I'm saying? I stayed because the sun was
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blinding. The sun is too blinding outside.
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You blaming the sun, so I stayed for the kids.
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See, when you're blaming the kids, you see what I'm saying?
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You see how that language effects that.
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And could that affect your parenting?
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Think about it's not me saying you're a bad parent.
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This makes it. Could that affect your
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parenting? Could they have a negative
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effect on your parenting? If you looking at these kids,
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it's like, damn, I got to stay in this unhappy, toxic
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relationship because because y'all, if you're looking at your
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kids like that, you don't, The kids don't deserve that burden.
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Y'all your kids don't deserve that burden of being in a toxic
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relationship because of them. Take take an abuse to because of
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them. Don't.
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Don't put that on the kids. Y'all don't use.
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Like I said, be honest. Be open and honest with
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yourself. Be open and honest with
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everything that's going on. Be open and honest to help
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yourself. Don't make excuses.
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No more excuses. Excuse season is over.
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You see what I'm saying? It's it's healing season.
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Just like just like it's changing from fall to winter to
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winter to summer. Whatever.
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It's healing season. The season's changing.
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Y'all. The season's changing.
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It's not Miss Healing Season. We're now entering Healing
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Season. Excuse season has blew it away.
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Blew the holes. The circus game blew it away.
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Blew the whole circles away. Like Pennywise.
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You see what I'm saying? Seasons are changing.
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It's healing season. You can feel it.
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The the leaves are changing colors and falling off your
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life. OK, OK, new life, new growth.
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You see what I'm saying? But you have to empower
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yourself. Stop making excuses for the
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person. Figure out what you're getting
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from them. Cut it off.
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Understand that You can get it. You can get it from you.
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You can get it from you. You know what I mean?
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It is so it is so possible for you to be able to get this from
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yourself. Stop making excuses for them.
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Go to therapy. Y'all.
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Find a community that people that can help you, that you can
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talk to about this. Get it out.
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Join my channel membership. There's a behind the scenes
12:37
community where people are becoming friends and Discourse
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service Facebook groups where people you can leave anonymous
12:42
posts and get get information, meet friends and new family
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members like y'all. Meet friends and have friends
12:46
and get they're going through similar things as you like.
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It is y'all I'm so unbelievably thankful for y'all and the way I
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try to thank the show. Thanks and be grateful for y'all
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just help y'all get out of this situation.
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Y'all can feel better about yourself and live a healthier
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life. Everybody can't leave.
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Everybody doesn't want to leave. I understand that everybody's
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situation is different. I get that, you know, I just
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want you to live whatever you live in your life to the fullest
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extent. Looks like that's what I want
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you to do, but you can't. You got to stop making excuses.
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You have to be open and honest to yourself.
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You have to tell yourself the truth.
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Because when you tell yourself the truth and you keep rereading
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it, there's nothing else that that person can say to you to
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change the truth. They cannot change the truth if
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you keep, if you have the truth in front of you, they cannot
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change the truth. If you're reading the truth out
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loud, they cannot change the truth.
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You're like, OK, this is the truth right here.
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This is the truth. This is not my version of it.
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This is not what I This is the truth.
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And they can lie to you, they can try and manipulate you all
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you want, but as long as you have the truth in front of you,
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you win. You absolutely win.
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It's healing season, but healing season transitioned into winning
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season. You know what I'm saying?
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You go it is season. Making excuses to healing
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season. To winning season to
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championship to thriving. Now you're a thriver you you who
13:55
might begin by getting my videos.
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I say from victim to survivor and thrivers.
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Thriving season. Y'all we got to make it to
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thriving season. Yeah, no more excuses.
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Y'all time to heal. It's healing season.
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Time to figure out what you're getting for this person.
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Cut it off. And when you cut that off, you
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understand you can get it from yourself.
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You understand that you don't need this person.
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You don't need this person for anything unless there's some
14:16
financial stuff. Unless I have kids and have some
14:17
financial stuff tied up, I get that.
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I get that situation. Y'all you don't need them for
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love. You don't need them for
14:21
affection. You don't need, you don't need
14:22
them for validation. You can get that from you and
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we're happy with you. For your happiness is not
14:29
dependent upon anybody else. You win and they cannot take
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that from you. So welcome to healing season.
14:34
Y'all. I think I was tuning into this
14:35
video. Y'all Speaking of kids, I have a
14:37
kids book that just came out. Check it out on Amazon.
14:40
Remember it's not your fault. There might be a short video
14:42
after this that plays with this same video.
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Anyways, y'all Self love journal on Amazon.
14:46
Lee Hammock I love make Self Love Journal.
14:48
Thank y'all so much. Self love Brand Mental illness
14:52
is out. Please thanks so much for making
14:55
this end of my video. Y'all If you haven't already,
14:57
make sure you check out myself. Love Journal on Amazon Lee
15:00
Hammock I love me a self love journal.
15:02
Help you rebuild their self love and authenticity after a touch
15:05
relationship. Thank you.