Latest / ok storytime / My boyfriend REFUSED to let go of his late husband, and I FEARED that he never will! | Reddit Stories | EP3130

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My boyfriend REFUSED to let go of his late husband, and I FEARED that he never will! | Reddit Stories | EP3130 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Riley, your favorite OK Storytime host.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: And we got some great stories coming up.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: the sponsors that keep this show alive.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend refuses to let go of his late husband,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I fear that he never will. Ooh, that sticky situation.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: And we have a trigger warning for mentions of passing
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: and grief, but a hopeful ending. Okay. My 29 female boyfriend, Matthew,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: 38 male, is an incredibly sweet and hardworking man. We've
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: been together for two years and have been friends for
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: nearly 10 years. Five years ago, Matthew's husband... Hey passed
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: away after a brief but intense fight with terminal illness.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Our friend group was devastated by the loss. We all
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: loved Hey and we loved them together. And for the
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: first few years, Matthew didn't grieve in what most of us,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: myself included, considered to be a healthy way. He slept
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: with Hey's clothes, talked to him as if he were
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: still in the room and and oftentimes carried his ashes
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: with him to do everything. I hope that he wasn't
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: still doing that when you got together with him, because that,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: to me, would be an indication of we are not
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: over this passing. Yeah. Enough to... I did this when
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: my dog passed. I just... You slept in his clothes?
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: No, I would go to my house and I would
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: call for her like outside and I'd be like, oh, I.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Just missed her. She's just outside. You know, she's just
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: in the neighborhood. I don't think these are abnormal ways
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: to process grief and loss. More so just like if
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: it continued while you were together, I'd be like, okay. Well,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: not everything. Just the clothes, I would say. And maybe
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: carrying ashes everywhere. But like talking to them, I think
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: that is pretty normal. Yeah, carrying ashes. Now I understand
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: that everyone mourns in their own way and none of
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: us ever dared to say anything. But needless to say,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: we were relieved when Matthew finally had Hay's ashes interred
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: and started going to therapy. About three years after Hay
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: passed away, Matthew and I began casually dating. Okay. I'm
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: a graduate student working on my doctorate in education and
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of free time. But we
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: know each other very well and it was easy to
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: be together. Additionally, we both have very intimate knowledge of
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: the other's grief. And that removed a lot of the
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: delicacy surrounding Hay's presence in his life. By the way,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: this comes from How Do I Navigate This? And if
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: And I'm Dakota. And we're here to give good advice goofily,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: but we literally have not been in this situation. So
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: if you have been in this situation, put it down below.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I hope if Keon passes, he lets me carry around
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: his ashes.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: You could get a tattoo with his ashes in them.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I'll put it in the little one-inch man.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you could tattoo with someone's ashes. You just put
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: them in onto you? How has that even happened? Are
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: you sure?
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Not that this should matter at all, but more as
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: a matter of propriety. The fact that Matthew is bi
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: and was previously married to a man is a non-issue
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: for me. Fast forward two years and we've developed a
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: very strong, incredibly healthy relationship. We spend our time very wisely,
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: are very much in love, and are happy together. The
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: only sticking point, and it's becoming a bigger one as
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: the possibility of getting engaged one day looms, is that
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Matthew refuses to leave the apartment that Hay passed away in.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: He's had three opportunities now to end his lease and
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: will not do so. He's gone as far as to
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: state that, in no uncertain terms, he will pass away
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: there too because it's where Hay passed away. Oh, wow.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: That's kind of next level.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: It's really sad. But also, if you just had that
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: connection with someone, I mean, I get it. I do
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: get it. But when you start a new relationship with
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: someone to kind of unequivocally say, I will never move
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: to a new house. We will never be able to
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: have our own place because I have to stay here
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: until I pass. Yeah, that is that's a tough thing
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: for a partner to hear.
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you would have to kind of find a partner
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: who is okay with that.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, okay, well, I guess I like
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: this apartment. It's really tough, though. Yeah, that's so tough.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: My fear is that this last holdover will never go away,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: and I will either have to move into the apartment
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: with him, which seems like such a mar to Hay's memory,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: or we'll have to break up because we can't live together.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: If what he needs and wants is for me to
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: live there with him, I would do it In an instant.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: He means the world to me and he is happier
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: than he has been in nearly five years. I am
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: okay with not being the love of his life. I
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: would never want to pretend like that wasn't hay. What
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I am not okay with is the idea that he's
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: so attached to the apartment because of what it represents
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: that I'll never be able to heal that last little bit.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: In Reddit, I just want what's best for him. Is
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: it indelicate for me to voice these concerns to him?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Should I just accept that it's not going to change
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: and move in there with him? To be clear, I'm
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: not weirded out by it or anything. I just don't
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: want to tarnish my friend's memory is all. Many thanks
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: if you've gotten this far. And we do have an edit.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: What does OP do in this situation? Truthfully, it kind
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: of seems.
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: like hoarder like you go through like a very traumatic
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: experience and then you just want to keep everything yeah
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: completely understandable we get it but like you can't let
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: that now consume your life like now your way of
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: living is only to serve the one that has passed
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: yeah that's not that's where it becomes unhealthy like there
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: is a time where you can grieve You.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Know, and grieving never ends. Grieving comes and goes, whatever.
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: It's it's never linear, just like, you know, literally anything
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: in life. But the thing is, you can't live your
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: life just for that person who has passed. They wouldn't
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: want you to do that. Yeah.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Like even the line, I'm going to stay here until
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I pass away because he passed. Yeah, it really is
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: tying your whole life to this person who would not
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: want that.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: If I'm OP, I'm like, why don't you want to
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: pass away in the apartment that I croak in, you know?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, OP even said, like, oh, I know
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to be the love of his life. Yeah.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: That is kind of devastating because there isn't even like a, oh, well,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: he can have two loves. It's like, I'm not one
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: of them. Yeah. I think a conversation very delicately had
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: would be good.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: I think you should be like, buddy, you are stuck
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: in a Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau classic.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: The odd couple. The odd couple here. The odd couple.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, but there's, let's ship them. Let's ship. You
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: don't know about the odd couple? Oh, wait, hold on.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: Doesn't she give up the ghost at the end or something?
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: There's a ghost? You never, you don't know, you don't
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: know about the odd couple? I thought you were talking about,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I actually didn't, I thought you were talking about the
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: movie where.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: They're not actually a couple. They're just roommates.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't, I've never actually seen the odd couple.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Never even heard of it. All right.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Take that reference out, editors.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I've heard of it. I just haven't seen it.
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: Edit!
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Matthew used to have terrible anger problems. He was violent
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: to a fault when the least bit inconvenienced, very quick
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: to retaliate, and very hateful. Hay brought a calm and
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: guidance to his life, and I'm proud to say that
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: none of us have seen the least bit of regression
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: since Hay's passing. But I believe that Matthew associates his
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: own goodness with Hay. It is possible that he is
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: holding on to the apartment as a means to ensure
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: that he has that cornerstone to his serenity, and is
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: worried about regressing to being an angry person. I had
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: not considered that and I'm grateful for that insight. And
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: we've got relevant comments. Bad at relationship says this was
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: hard to read as it's such a tough situation to
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: be in. Is he in therapy currently? I feel like
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: this issue would be best unpacked with the help of
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: a professional. That's I was thinking that he is in therapy, though.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Like currently, I know they said that he did go. Oh,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: good point. I don't know if he's still in therapy.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Because he went to therapy like a year after the passing.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: They're still. I mean, I guess we'll find out. OP
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: responds to a widower who is in a similar situation.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I want to respond to this further once I'm out
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: of class because there are several points in here that
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: would be beneficial for me to expound upon. But I
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: just want to thank you for your words and to
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: offer my condolences for your loss. Well, okay. Okay, so
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: that meant nothing. update three days later let's see if
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: op took any of the advice and how that went
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: i took a day to come to terms with all
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: the realities you fantastic group of people helped me see
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: and sat down with matthew last night i told him
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: first and most importantly that i loved him and that
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: i wanted him to be happy and healthy and taken
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: care of we talked for a while about how his
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: therapy has been going and he agreed that he needed
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: more and that it would be beneficial for us to
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: go together We've got a little bit left. Any final thoughts?
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: This is very.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: It's very sad because you don't want to push someone
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: to get over, you know, their grief or another person's
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: passing or anything, their sadness, whatever. You never want to
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: push someone to do that because that's not your place.
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: But when you see how badly it's affecting someone and
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: they can't see it because they are just in this
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: rut and in this headspace and they've been in it
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: for so long that this is just... This is their
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: life now. They've accepted it. It's so hard for you
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: as like a non-professional or, you know, as a friend
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: or as a lover to try to get them out
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: of that. Like that's on, it is on them to
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: take the initiative. And it's good that he, you know, said,
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: I do want to, I think I need.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: More therapy and, you know, maybe we should do couples therapy.
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: I think couples therapy actually would benefit a lot because
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: then he can open up his mind view to not
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: just what he's seen. I feel like he just has
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: blinders on right now.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: I think in your relationship, there are three people and
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: it's not that you should get rid of hay or
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: get rid of the memory of hay. No.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: It's just that you need to create a boundary between
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: what was their relationship and what is yours. Yes. It's
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: not forgetting or erasing that relationship, but it's saying, okay,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: this is our relationship and this is what we need
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: to do for us.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: Hey is always going to be memorialized absolutely he's always
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: going to be there like nobody's ever gonna forget that especially.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: If they're and this is opie's friend too.
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: You know they're both grieving in their own ways but
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: obviously matthew is grieving in it in a very in
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: a much bigger capacity just because he was his partner
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: yeah you know for him to hold on to these
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: things i get it you don't want to forget him
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: you want everything to grab to normal but like the
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: thing is this has happened and now change needs to
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: happen as well yes.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Doesn't mean you're going to forget him.
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: It doesn't mean that all of a sudden now I'm
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: a bad person because I'm not revolving my life around
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: him and not thinking about him as much. No, like
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: you still have your life. You can't just sit there
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: and live your life for someone else.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: You can't pass away without. person. Yeah, exactly. You can't
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: pass away with that person. You're still living. But we
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: got a little bit left. He also came to the
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: conclusion himself that he needed to move out of the
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: apartment and had been putting it off because he hadn't
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: been ready to let go of Hay yet. Exactly. But
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: that I helped him move forward and that he was
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: ready to build a life with me. We're going to
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: see a therapist together starting next week, and he's ready
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: to look at apartments when his lease is up in August.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: We talked vaguely about marriage once I'm finished with my degree,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: and he reiterated that he was in love with me
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: because of me, not because Hay is gone and he's lonely.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I just want to thank this community for the tremendous
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: amount of compassion I was shown with my original post.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I believe that we're on the right track to make
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: healthy choices for ourselves and our relationship. And this sounding
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: board is a large part of the reason why. Thank
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: you again. Love and light to all of you. How beautiful.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: That was a very hopeful ending.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: I just really appreciate how understanding OP is in all
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: of this. OP could have like thrashed out. I mean,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: we've seen so many stories.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: You know, like really making like a horrible deal out
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: of it when it's just like he just is having
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: such a hard time letting go.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: And that is normal. That is so normal. That is
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: such a normal thing to do, especially like in the
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: face of like such a tragedy. Yes. So makes sense.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: But I'm glad everyone was understanding and like everyone came
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: together in the end. Me too. But that is the
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: end of that story. And we've got another one coming
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: right up. My boyfriend is mad because I told him
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: how to cook his food. Don't tell me how to
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: cook my food.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: To me, this issue is absolutely ridiculous. But I'm here
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: to see if I'm the issue. My boyfriend and I
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: have been having issues and I'm cognizant that I am
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: part of the issue. But I can't always recognize when exactly,
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: so I genuinely want advice. But please don't be rude
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: about me or my boyfriend.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Don't tell me what to be rude about. You're out
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: of here telling everyone what to do, OP. We're people,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: not monsters.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: We went to the store earlier and he, 28 male,
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: got one of his favorite frozen meals. I, 28 female,
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: said on the way home, and this is a direct quote. Hey,
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: can you please use the oven for that when you
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: cook it? It makes everything else we microwave smell like
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: it for months afterwards if you use the microwave.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I hate this meal. I cannot stand it.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: I have autism and the smell and taste are absolutely disgusting.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: It is my, oh no, someone microwave rotten fish in
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: the break room food.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: He instantly went silent.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: When we got home, he put the meal in the
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: freezer and bathed without a word. I asked him if
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: he wanted me to make it for him. He whispered
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: the word without looking at me. Ew.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I know I don't. You want me to cook that
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: No.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Go bathe then.
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: He's in the bathtub. I asked what he wanted to eat.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: He didn't answer.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: I said his name twice because I thought he didn't
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: hear me. Third time, I knew he did. I asked
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: him what was wrong four times and he kept saying nothing.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: I said, this is your last chance to tell me
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: what's wrong. Otherwise, I'm moving on. He said he was
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: upset that I told him how to cook his food
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: and that it didn't taste right from the oven. By
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: the way, this comes from me, Sunflower, 1997. And if
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: r slash okay story time subreddit. As OP says, I
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: completely understand that. Skillet salmon is superior to baked salmon.
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: Air fryer chicken nuggets are better than oven baked or
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: microwave chicken nuggets. Okay, but like no one's ever said
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: a microwaved meal is better than an oven meal. I have.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, like what? Like pizza rolls. Microwave pizza rolls
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: you think are better than oven pizza rolls? I love
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: them kind of soggy. That is a weird take.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Nah, that's valid. Maybe it's just because we're Midwesterners.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you like them a bit bad.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: I don't like them when they're crispy. I, truthfully, hot take,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: hate air fryers. Will never use it. That I don't get. However,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I do want to posit, perhaps, you are not the
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: only one in the house that has autism. That's exactly
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: what I was thinking, too.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: It seems how he is acting and how he is, yeah,
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: how he's behaving, reacting to things. Seems like this is
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: an autistic couple.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: We've got autism versus autism right now.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: We're having an autism off. Y'all need to be on
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the same team. Not an autism off. It's true.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Autism versus autism. That's a crazy Mexican standoff.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I told him, okay, that's fine. You can use the
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: microwave if it tastes better that way.
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: Just wipe the microwave out with the Clorox wipe. He
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: said it didn't matter and his appetite was gone. He
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: walked past me without looking at me, shut the bedroom
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: door and went to bed hungry.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: I don't even, I wouldn't even know how to deal
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: with this. I'd be like, oh no.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Is this guy trying to Gandhi you? He's trying to
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: hunger strike.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: You right now. He's in his, he's in his room
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: being like, I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. I took
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: a stand, but now I'm really hungry. You're just kind
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: of hurting yourself. I'm not really. Yeah, I don't know
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: what that accomplishes.
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: I don't know who else can tell, but the this
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: is your last chance to tell me what's wrong is
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: from literal years of him doing this exact thing, refusing
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: to talk about it and then making it my problem
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: in arguments later on.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I'm so tired of the pouting and now I feel awful.
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: I feel like I can't ask for simple things, otherwise
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: I'm treated like I'm controlling, witchy, self-centered, and harmful.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: He has used all of those terms to.
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: Describe me except harmful, but we all know that the
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: other three in tandem often mean mistreatment. I don't want
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: to be a bad person, especially to him, and I
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: thought this was a reasonable ask and reasonable options for compromise.
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: Please give me some insight. Am I the a-hole for
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: telling my boyfriend how to cook his food?
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: There's an update. No, you didn't even really tell him.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: You just said, hey, do you mind doing that in
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: the oven? And then he went. I genuinely just think
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: you both have autism and I think you both have
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: take rejection. Well, actually, I don't even know how you
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: take rejection. I think he takes rejection pretty sensitively and seriously.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: So just have another conversation with him and say, hey,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I really wasn't making a judgment on you personally. It
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: just affects my food sensitivity.
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: Truthfully, I don't think he can have a conversation. I
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: don't like if he's been doing this for years.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like he's not going to sit down all of
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: a sudden and be like, OK, let's talk about if
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: he's been reacting this way for years. That's what she said.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: It's been happening for literal years. Oh, gosh.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Nah, I disagree.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: There's definitely a way to bring this up the right way. Also,
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: why am I so shiny and white?
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like they're just not using the right sequence of
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: words to get the conversation started the right way.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: How would you do it then?
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: I don't have the exact words, but the vibe needs
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: to be like, you know, clearly this guy's very sensitive
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: to rejection or sensitive to, you know, so it needs
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: to be like, hey, this isn't an accusation.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: This isn't a demand.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: This is just, we're just going to talk so we
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: can get to understand each other more.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: That's it. I think that you could try and see
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: if there is another way you could have a conversation.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: But if this is an ongoing issue and he reacts
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: this way every time. Well, because they both got autism.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: So my bet is that this isn't being brought up
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: by either of them in a great way.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying like you either
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: you have two options. Try and figure out a new
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: way to communicate. And if you can't, then maybe this
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: isn't a relationship that can continue.
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Because then you're constantly just feeling bad over things,
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: just having.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: A simple conversation. Because I get if OP was like
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: saying like, hey, I don't like how you did that.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: That made me feel bad. You know, you're rude for
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: doing that. I think I would understand if OP was like, oh,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: I didn't like how you did that. You're mean for that.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: You're rude. If he took that to heart and was like,
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: oh my God, I don't even want to talk to anyone.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: That is different. But she literally just say, hey, could
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: you put in the oven? Yeah. And he's like, it
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: kind of makes the food taste bad. Yeah. Not even
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: a judgment on him.
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Just the food's stanky. Just doesn't, don't smell good. I
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: don't like it. And he's like, oh, I did another
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: thing wrong. Update. Long story short, we broke up. Oh,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: makes sense. We had several intense.
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: Arguments after I posted this, several of which were huge
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: issues in how we wanted to live in the future.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: I did tell him that what he did in the
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: previous post was stonewalling and was harmful. Like several of
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: you said, I told him he thought about money more
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: than love in a relationship.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: He agreed with me. When did that happen? Maybe in
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: the comments that we missed. Dang. He said, yes, I
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: do think about money more than you. I really think
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: that you both do have autism. Opie hasn't said that
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: he does, but that it does feel like a very like, yeah,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: of course I think about money more than you. It's
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: a very important part of life. It's a matter of fact. Yeah,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: it's just pragmatic.
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: I told him that I would rather be broke and
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: happy than rich and miserable. I told him he acted
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: like he hates me. I told him I didn't want
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: to joke back and forth or cuss at one another
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: with the state of our relationship, that I wanted him
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: to be better about communicating and asking for space if
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: that's what he needed. and that I was tired of
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: him acting like any varying opinion of mine was me
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: criticizing him or whatever was going on in his head.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Within an hour of.
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: Me telling him that he had harmful tendencies and having
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: that whole conversation, he was cussing at me, calling me names.
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: He claimed later that all the name calling and cussing
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: was a joke.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, when you would call me a B word and
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: a buh buh buh, beep beep beep, that was all,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: that was all jokes?
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: Name calling in like any relationship is just so.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I hate that.
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: It's so immature. Like we can have, we can have
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: a conversation. Don't be like, oh, you're such a, you're
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: so this and that.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: And it's like, that's great. Personally, I mean, I'm not
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: a huge swearer, but I hate any form of like swearing,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: name calling whenever you're having a disagreement.
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, why? When people get so heated. I
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: hate that.
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: I reminded him, I said no more jokes or cussing
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: until we were closer again and he got mad. He
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: ruined Valentine's Day by making more jokes. at my expense
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: i'm off the hook because i got you flowers right
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: you can only have this cake if you let me
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: film myself smashing it in your face so i can
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: send it to my friends except.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Oh what Wow. Well, congratulations on your breakup. Yeah, this
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: guy is kind of scary now. Big wins. Big wins.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Why do your friends want a video of you smashing
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: a cake into my face? What are you telling your friends?
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: That's really strange.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: I knew the second I held my ground that it
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: was over. I texted my parents and asked them to
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: help me get the F out. He's so volatile and
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: angry that sometimes I could literally just ask him what
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: he wants for dinner and he would yell at me
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: as a response. If I talk, he will yell and
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: say it's because he's stressed.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Unacceptable. No excuse. Truly the second that someone... Yells at me?
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Yells at me for asking, what do you want for dinner? Yeah. Yes,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: there are times when people are stressed and, you know,
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: lash out and they don't mean it. Yeah. But there
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: is a limit. There is a limit. You get that
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: maybe a couple times before I'm like, no, no, you
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: don't get to do this every time you're upset. See,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I will immediately clock that and have a bad taste
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: in my mouth. Personally, I... just immediately any times anyone
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: yells at me like i have a partner yell at
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: me and just no oh cool all right so you
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: don't respect me then i don't think i've like the
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: only people i've ever yelled at in argument like my
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: parents yeah like my family like sister parents brother also
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: maybe dakota but that was just because we're debating something Oh,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I said the only people I've ever yelled at an
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: argument are my parents. And then I was like, oh, well,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: probably in a debate with you. I think I yelled
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: at you over Yahtzee. What was that game? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Scattergories.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: We did.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: This girl and Scattergories.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Nothing gets me more. That was like the first time
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: I ever met Dakota.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: That was the first time you met me?
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: That's not true.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: And I'm now deeply offended by that. I don't remember
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: the first time I met you, but I know that
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: wasn't the first time.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: It could have been.
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: Pretty sure it was because you were like, we're playing.
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: And then he came in and you're like, oh my God.
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: And he just argue, argue, argue.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: No, this counts. This counts. This part of the game
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: is you argue your point. That was actually, yeah, that
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: was your argument was that you could argue, but that's fine.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe that was the first time.
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: I remember, but it was a good first impression, though.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, this guy's funny. This guy's spirited. This
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: guy's got edge. All right. Well, the point is that
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I do not yell at my partners, and I think
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: it's kind of ridiculous to do that. There's no need.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: And for anyone out there who has done that in
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: the past, it is not a judgment on you. It's
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: just saying, hey, we can do better going forward.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: To be Temple's advocate, I think there's a difference between
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: just yelling, like about something, versus like.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Being stern.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Like yelling directly at a person about something they have done.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: To be clear, I'm talking about yelling at a person.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: Well, no, I mean, like you like I mean, even
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: if you yell at your partner, but you're yelling about
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: like something going on in your life. But if you're
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: yelling at them because it's like, why did you do
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: this thing like that?
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Like belittling.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: Yelling is still not great, but I don't think you
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: need to break up with them if they get heated
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: about something. If it's not like a direct like denigration
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: of you.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: But in this story, he is yelling at her. I know.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just.
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: Calling her names like that's unacceptable that is for anyone
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: out there who has had that happen or maybe who
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: has done that really take a take stock take stock
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: be like why why am i letting that happen to
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: me and then for the why am i doing that
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: why do i feel the need to do that is
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: this what i feel like i deserve yes he's mad
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: i posted about this i don't care if he sees
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: this update i loved him so desperately and i tried
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: my best to make it work i need to focus
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: on finding my own closure Nice. Hopefully this is my
• 23:40
  Speaker 4: last and only update. Wish me luck in staying away.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: A habit of four and a half years is so
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: hard to break, girl.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: Do I know? Yeah, it does take a while.
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: And you gotta, yeah, it's a habit. I mean, when
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: you're dating someone like that, your thoughts change.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: That is interesting to view it as a habit of
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: four and a half years.
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: A habit of feeling like you're never good enough. Your
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: voice does not matter as much as your partner's. I've
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: never considered, I've never thought about it as a habit.
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: And that is such a good point.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, it is a habit. It's not who you are. No,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: it's a habit. It's not like this is now your sense.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: It's such a good. Sorry, I'm just having like a realization.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, that is such. Sophia's never been in
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: a toxic relationship. I've been in two relationships. One did
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: not last long enough to be toxic. And one is
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: very good. Oh God, I went three and a half
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: years with a monster.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: If I may, I still can't believe what that guy
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: said to you when y'all broke up. I will never
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: respect that man.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Four months after we broke up. Oh yeah, and then that,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: I wasn't even thinking about that.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Oh my, no, I was thinking about what he said
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: that night, which I'm not trying to, you're not.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Going to get re-traumatized over that guy. No, I'm good now.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: What just like a, oh God, I wish you would
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: have laid into that guy. I told this girl she
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: needed to eviscerate this man because he sent her like
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: a meme four months later.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: It said, wake up, babe. Like, so something, something dropped.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: I was like, you need to be like, who on the,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: in God's green earth do you think you're messaging right now?
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: And I responded, I responded, hey, maybe don't send those
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: to your ex-girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: I was like, actually, don't text me anymore. Yeah. Yeah, Dakota.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I think Dakota hates him more than I do. I
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: don't hate him either.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: I just kind of nothing him. But I'll never be
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: friends with him because of that.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Tried to talk to me at the climbing gym with
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: my headphones in. And I was like, what are you? Yay!
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I am so proud of you, OP. I love that.
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: When I went through like my breakup, I went back
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: to all the things that I like to do.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: I like to paint.
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: I like to embroider. I, you know, I like to
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: be outside in nature. I like found myself again. And
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, I remember I would want him
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: to be a part of all this and ask him
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: and he'd be like, yeah, yeah, stupid.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: And then I would just be like, okay. I think
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: part of being in a relationship is, is, is learning
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: how to do things with your partner and also reminding
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: yourself that you can do things without them. I completely
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: agree with that statement. One thousand percent. I just like
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: everyone to be involved in what I do because I
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: think what I do is cool. I always invite everyone
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: I know. Exactly. I'm like, please, everyone I know, come
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: to this. Yes. And then they're like, I'm busy. Please
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: be proud of me. Please. I need someone to be
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: proud of me. Shut up. I'm proud of you. I'm
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: so proud of you. Oh my gosh, girl. I'm so proud.
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: I am proud of you for standing up for yourself,
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: going through this for four and a half years.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: And then having the realization that I deserve better. Yes.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: And then having, yes.
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: And then realizing I need to go and get help
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: to find who I am again. You are on the
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: right track. This gives me chills because it- I mean,
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: you have me getting realizations.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Like, you know who you are.
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: You just have to rewire your brain. You've been doing
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: it for so long. That's what you know. That's what
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: you think is right. And now you know you deserve
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: better and you're working towards that. You know where your
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: happiness is supposed to be. I mean, like therapy, but
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: also there are ways to break habits.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: People have been doing it forever. Yeah. Well, that's what
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: therapy helps you.
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: I have, I didn't realize I had all of these
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: weird like habits that I just like will go into
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: myself and I don't need to, you know, they just
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: help you realize that that's not who you are. That's
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: just a product of what has happened to you.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you need like an outside person to tell you, Hey,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: like the negative self-talk is not true. It's just in
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: my head. What you're doing is wrong. Great.
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: You should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: We're all extremely proud of you. I don't even know you.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of you.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: It's crazy when you learn that your mind is actually
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: not you and you are a separate entity from your
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: own mind. Your mind will trick you and lie to
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: you and tell you things, tell you you're this, tell
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: you you're that, tell you you deserve this.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: And your mind is very powerful. And none of that
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: is necessarily true. But your mind is so powerful that
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: you start to believe it. yeah you have to be
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: like whoa it's like when you get the intrusive thoughts
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: like have you ever got the intrusive thought when you're
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: driving you're like oh i'll just like not even like
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: oh in a bad way but you're like oh what
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: if this car like slammed into.
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: A tree or it's like yeah what if i how
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: many points would i get if i hit that guy whenever.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: I'm on my holland i'm like i could just freak
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: yeah and it's like you you have no desire to
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: do that it's just like but that's a possible.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: It's possible it's possible and your brain goes what.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: If you did that and you go shut up brain Exactly.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Driving here. That is the, you have to have that
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: kind of same mindset when your brain goes, you're going
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: to be alone forever and everyone hates you. You go,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: shut up brain. I'm driving here. Oh no. And you're
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: going to feel broken and that's okay. You are. You,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: you're allowed to be.
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: No, no, no.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I'm just, I'm not saying like, that's okay. You are.
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: No, I'm just saying. Not like in that way, but
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: it is. You do feel broken after you go through
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: all of this. You don't know who you are. And
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't know who I am anymore. And
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: you go through this whole process, but eventually you will
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: get there and you'll seal all the cracks with gold.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: You'll be OK. But that's the end of that story, folks.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: And we got another one coming right up.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite host who's always on track here.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: And we're going to get back to the stories in
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: three minutes after these ads from our sponsors.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend lets his dog's waste pile up for days
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: and refuses to clean it up. Oh God, poop house.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: My female 29 boyfriend, male 31, has two dogs that
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: live with him in his apartment. He lives in an
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: old building and his apartment doesn't have any kind of
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: garden or outside place where his dogs can stay safely
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: while he's at work. He usually works from early in
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: the morning till 7pm so he leaves the dogs alone
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: inside the house for at least 8-9 hours daily. Oh
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: my god. That is unacceptable.
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: No.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Alone in the house for 8-9 hours? Figuring this is
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: my ex. Genuinely that is unacceptable. A dog should not
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: be like max 6 hours? Max. Without being able to,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: like if your dog is well trained, max 6 hours
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: and that's cutting it. Yeah, no, I would even go lower,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: like four or five. Yeah, I mean, like a well-trained dog.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: A well-trained dog, yeah, will like... Since the dogs spend
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: their entire day inside the apartment, they have learned to
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: pee and sometimes poop in all different rooms. The kitchen,
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: the studio, the bathroom, the hallway, even his bedroom sometimes. However,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: that's not the problem. The problem is the fact that
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: he doesn't immediately clean the pee, and most times days
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: go by and pee just piles up in the corner
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: of the house.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: Ew.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Why are we saying that the previous thing wasn't the problem?
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Because that's also the problem. Yeah. He shouldn't have dogs.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: Very much the problem. He doesn't even use the pads
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: to absorb the pee and then throw them away. And
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: with time, the place smells really bad inside, and I
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: worry about bacteria in the environment. By the way, this
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: comes from Melod33. And if you want to submit your
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash ok story time
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: subreddit And Opie says, I tried to help him by
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: cleaning the pee, but after almost a year, I was
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: the one doing most of the cleaning, even in his
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: own house, because he would refuse to clean it or
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: he would postpone it. Maybe we can, one, train the
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: dogs to pee specific place in the house. Two, Take
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: the dogs out. Or get a sitter.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: Ask your neighbor.
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: Anyone.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Anyone.
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: I'm sure there's probably like teenagers, you know, like somewhere
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: who are looking for like a little side hustle, whatever.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: Ask them if they want to, you know, watch the dogs.
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Let the strange teens into your house.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Well, we're just saying dogs. He says he doesn't care
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: about that and that his health is OK and that
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I'm making a huge fuss about it. I cannot even
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: visit him at his place because it would be very
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: smelly and dirty and I can't stand it anymore. I'm
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: hurt by the fact that he doesn't realize that there
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: are better ways to deal with the pee and that
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: it's very important to me to solve it because we
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: want to move in together. Don't. at some point and
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: i just won't be able to live in a dirty
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: house or be the only one cleaning for background my
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: mom didn't let me go out and play before my
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: room was cleaned and organized and i really value cleanliness
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: but i never had a pet when growing up because
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: my mom didn't like how dirty animals can be so
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: i don't know if this is okay or not and
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: that is why op doesn't understand yep That is why
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: OP does not understand that this is unacceptable.
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, this is absolute disgusting behavior of the boyfriend
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: and him not being able to take care of him.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: Not only himself, I'm sure. He's probably dirty.
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: And then also coming home to a poop and pee
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: infested house now.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Again, there's pee sitting there in at least two spots
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: of the apartment at all times. And if I don't
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: clean it, he won't either. And it will just sit
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: there for days. That's... Disgusting. Am I the butt face
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: for getting tired of cleaning the pee every time and
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: getting angry at him for not being able to clean
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: it himself?
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: P.S.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: When I tell him that I don't like it when
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: he doesn't clean the pee or plan a solution to it,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: he tells me that I criticize him too hard, that
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I see him with disgust, and that I don't understand
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: how his work is getting the better of him and
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: he's too exhausted to clean after the dogs every day.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: You don't deserve dogs. There is an update. You don't
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: deserve dogs, period.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, imagine just him saying this, but it's about like
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: a baby.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Well, I have a tough job. Yeah. I don't have
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: time to take care of my baby every day. It's
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: just sitting in its poop and pee for eight to
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: ten hours.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: And newsflash, brother, if you live in a pee-pee poo-poo house, yeah,
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: I think of you with more disgust.
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I go, oh, he lives in pee-pee poo-poo house and
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: he can't clean it up because he's a terrible dog owner.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: And you like, does it? Does the smell not bother?
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: You.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Immediately if I walk in, when you get used to
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: a smell. You know what? I would bet. When you
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: live in a smell like that and you get used
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: to it.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: I would bet this guy grew up in a hoarder house.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: Probably.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Or just grew up in a house that doesn't know
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: how to clean.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: The waste being left around is for sure like, that's
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: a hoarder house type deal.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: I would call some sort of animal protective services. Oh,
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: for sure. This man could not have his dogs anymore.
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: There's so many people who want dogs who would love
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: to take care of them and this guy is just
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: living in squalor.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Update, we broke up.
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: Yes!
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: We tried to talk it out, but it didn't work.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know if he understood what I told him,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: but it's okay, I guess. I have to keep on
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: going with my life. The reason why I bet on
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: him that much is because I saw myself in him
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: in a way. We both experienced childhood mistreatment and shared
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: some mental health problems. We both dealt with depression and anxiety,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: PTSD and ADHD. And when I met him, he always
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: said how much he wanted to change, but didn't know how.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: We've got a little bit left. I think it was
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: very clear to me, at least, that this man had
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: some sort of depression going on. For sure. And felt overwhelmed. 1000%. Unfortunately,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: I feel a little bit less or a lot of
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: it less empathy when someone is also not taking care
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: of an animal in their church.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: It's one thing to not take care of yourself, which
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: is very concerning. I'm like, oh my God, go to therapy, please.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, you should. But then bringing another living being,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: not only one, but two? He has two. Two dogs.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Living things that depend on you. They don't, you have to.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: They don't know you have mental health problems. They are
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: just dogs and they need to go to the bathroom.
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: They are living things that need to be taken care of.
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: It is your responsibility. If you choose to take on
• 34:55
  Speaker 4: this role, you have to do this.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: But regardless of, you know, my thoughts on that, please
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: get therapy, sir. Because you clearly need it. You need help. Yeah.
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: And I hope you understand that. It's just the fact
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: of these people saying like, oh, I want to change.
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: I really want to change.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: But no, you don't. I think also often there are people...
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Sometimes this works, I will say. But sometimes there are
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: people who are very stuck in a rut and are
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: dealing with mental health issues. Oh, yeah. They get a
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: dog or they get an animal because they're like, well,
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: if I have to take care of something... I'll be
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: forced to leave the house every day. I'll be forced to,
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: you know, get up and make food. Sometimes that does work.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes now there's just you and another creature that are
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: being neglected. That was my ex. And it's tough.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: In my experience, I was able to heal a lot,
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: though not completely due to my family's support and unconditional love.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: But he didn't have any support whatsoever. His family sucks, honestly.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: So I thought that by being the forever loving and
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: caring type of person, he would feel more secure, and
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: he'd want to take the leap to change his life.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: And even though I saw some little changes, I guess
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: it was not enough for me. I do feel torn,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: but determined to keep on going with my life. And
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: even though he could not see eye to eye, I
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: don't think he's a bad human being. I guess that
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: my initial post, which I wrote in a moment of
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: anger and resentment, did paint him as the worst human
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: being on earth. So next time I'll try to be
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: more mindful about how I speak about the people I know.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: I think you painted him in a very honest light. Yeah,
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I think you painted him in a very factual light.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: And these are just things that he has done?
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: You don't have to deal with it anymore. He still
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: will not change. This is his problem. I feel so
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: bad for the dogs. Feel bad for him. Yeah. I agree.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's your responsibility to drag him out
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: of this. But you do when you are in that
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: problem and you see, when you are in that situation
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: and you see the problem. Of course, you being the loving,
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: caring person you are, want to help that.
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: But in the end, if he doesn't want it. There's
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do if
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: he does not want to help himself. Exactly. You cannot
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: change his mind. And it's exhausting. You've done everything you
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: could and sometimes it's not enough. And that's not your fault.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: But that's the end of that story. And we've got
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: another one coming right up.
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: I hadn't seen my boyfriend in over a month and
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: he's still canceled on our date. Where'd you go? I,
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: 30 female and boyfriend, 31 male have been dating since May.
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: And as the title says, our schedules are very conflicting.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: We live in the same city, 40 kilometers apart. I
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: have primary custody of my daughter, six, from Monday to Friday.
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: He has yet to meet her, so since we started dating,
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: we've only really seen each other at weekends when my
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: daughter is with her dad. At the moment, my daughter's
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: dad lives in another city about an hour away for
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: work reasons, but he is in the process of moving
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: back to our city in the next few weeks as
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: he wants to have more time with her and have
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: her stay over with him during the week as well
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: and take her to school and things, rather than just
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: having her at weekends. In fact, he is looking for
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: a house in our city at the moment, so once
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: this happens, I will have a bit more free time.
• 37:57
  Speaker 4: My partner is in a band and they do gigs,
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: some but not all, weekends. I was fully aware of
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: this when I met him and I am a fairly
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: independent person anyway who likes her own space, so not
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: having him around 24-7 and only seeing him once every
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: week or every couple of weeks suits me.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: Fine right now.
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from EdenBeam058, and if you
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: slash OKStoryTime subreddit, as Opie says. However, we've got to
• 38:23
  Speaker 4: a point where I haven't seen him since the first
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: week of August, and it's now mid-September. Ooh. I called
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: him on Friday night to see how he was and
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: whether he had any plans for the weekend. And he
• 38:33
  Speaker 4: suggested we do something together as he didn't have any
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: gigs booked and we hadn't seen each other in such
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: a long time. I was looking forward to it. However,
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: as I was putting my makeup on and getting dressed
• 38:43
  Speaker 4: and ready, I got a message from him saying that
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: he wasn't feeling well and didn't want to see me.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: We've seen each other sick before.
• 38:50
  Speaker 4: I know we are both very busy people and my
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: own situation doesn't help things. I'm the first person to
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: admit that. But it hurts that in six weeks, he
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: hasn't been able to find any time for me at all.
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: Even a quick drink on a Friday night or brunch
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: on a Sunday. I'd be happy with that until I
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: have more free time.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be so for real. I could not do this.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: I was thinking that. I was like, Sophia could never.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Could never do this.
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: Not that you need to see your partner 24-7.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: You are a weekly girl. I'm a week. I'm a
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: daily girl.
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Okay. More more like three three to five days.
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: Yes yes it doesn't have to be every day but
• 39:31
  Speaker 4: most days more than 50 percent yeah yeah six weeks
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: never see and we're not.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Long distance and we've talked about it before and set
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: things in place Okay. See, I could do like a week,
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: two weeks and I'd be like, oh, like, yeah, you know,
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: but that's always, again, this is not including like they
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: go on a vacation. We've talked about long distance, just date,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: like normal relationship, but not seeing each other. Yeah. For
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: almost two months. Ooh, we're not together anymore.
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: I have always made time for him by meeting up
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: after his gigs, talking until the early hours of the
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: morning when he's needed me, things like that. I had
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: bronchitis once and that didn't stop me from seeing him.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: Ooh, that should have. Probably should have stopped you from
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: seeing him.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: I invited him to stay over a couple of weeks
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: ago as he had a gig near my house to
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: save him from driving all the way home late at night,
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: and he turned me down because he had to go
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: and pick up something he bought off the internet the
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: next morning. Ironically, his car broke down that night, literally
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: five kilometers from here, and I never found out if
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: he ever picked up the thing he bought. I basically
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: feel like I am single, that he has completely lost interest,
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: and that I might as well go back to being
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: on my own because I feel so rejected.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, that is the worst. It is the worst. And
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: it is true.
• 40:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: I fear.
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: I am angry at myself for allowing myself to feel
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: this way. Am I wasting my time here? And there
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: are some relevant comments.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Let me think about that. Yeah.
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: If you believe you need more in a relationship, you
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: are deserving of more.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship where I did not spend
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: like any time with the person. And I was like,
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: this sucks.
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: I want more. And then I am now in a
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: relationship where I see them three to five days.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: And that's what I want. But I think that you
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: want a little bit more than not seeing them in
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: six weeks.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: This like not seeing them for like a month and
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: you live.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Like pretty close. Yeah. They live to be clear, like
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: 25 miles apart. That's like, you know, depending where you live.
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: 20 to an hour in Ohio that would be 30
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: minutes yeah you know you just go across the town
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: yeah but here it could you know with traffic it
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: could be an hour could be an hour with traffic
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: depending on what time you go yeah but still like
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: that's really not that bad to see someone that you
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: love and cherish and want to spend time with it's
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: not bad enough you know warrant not seeing them within
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: six weeks Relevant comments. Rose Petal Memory says his excuse
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: is pretty lame. You two are only 30 minutes apart
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: yet haven't seen each other in a month and a half.
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: He really doesn't seem interested. Yeah. Slivia HDZ says you
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: can talk to him and figure out what's going on.
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: And after talking to him, seeing if it's worth it
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: spending your time with him.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, and there's an update two weeks later. She's like,
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: I still haven't seen him. Yeah, been two weeks. I
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: don't know where he is. It's like you can have
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: the talk.
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: But it kind of already seems like he's done.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: Also, how sucky is it to the only time that
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: you see your partner within after six weeks is to
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: have a talk about how little, you know, it's like, oh,
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: I don't even get it. I don't even get to
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: enjoy the time I want to spend with you because
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: now I have to have a talk about.
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: How little time we're spending. And now it's like, am
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: I ever going to get to see you? You know,
• 42:39
  Speaker 4: because now you're six. So, you know, there goes another week. Yeah.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: And now you probably have gigs over the weekend. Your
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: schedules simply do not align.
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: That's okay.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: And that happens. It happens. Update two weeks later.
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: I finally saw him last weekend for the first time
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: in about seven weeks.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: He invited me over.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: He seemed happy to see me at first, but things
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: just seemed a little off. Like, we didn't know what
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: to say to each other. I stayed with him on
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: the Saturday night, had a shower Sunday morning, and the
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: first thing I saw was a bottle of camellia-scented body
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: scrub that was definitely not mine, and I can't remember
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: ever seeing it before.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: He lives alone. This was also my fear. And there
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: we go. Cheating on you. Couldn't dip even lower.
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: Instant red flag. Stupidly, I didn't confront him about it
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: straight away.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: I wish I had.
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: Over the next couple of days, I tried to make
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: conversation with him and he either left me on red
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: or sent really short replies.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: Nope, I'm done. Don't do that to me. I was
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: done three weeks ago. Yeah, I was. Truthfully, I was
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: done three weeks ago. Honestly, within a week, if someone doesn't,
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: if my boyfriend didn't at least message me, like if
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: I hadn't seen him for a week and he we
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: also hadn't talked, I'd be like, whoa, what's going on?
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Something serious is definitely definitely red flag. I don't know, man.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: He's just a high value male playing hard to get.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: You know, he's in a band, right?
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: He's in a band. He's got a lot of people
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: to take care of. He has groupies to tend to. Yeah,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: where have you been, OP? Why aren't you not at
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: every one of his band nights? And who knows? Maybe
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: that's not even a ladies, you know, shower product. Maybe
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: he just wants to smell nice.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: He just wants to smell real nice and flowery.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, OP, you're just not considering that he might just
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: want to smell nice.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: Have you considered this is an extremely high value mail?
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Finally, on Wednesday night, I'd had enough.
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: And I'm not proud of how I acted, but I
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: was so hurt by the anxiety and the pain of
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: feeling rejected. I blocked him on Facebook without any warning.
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: The following afternoon, I got a text message. Hey, um,
• 44:36
  Speaker 4: so did you block me?
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, I have your attention now. Hmm. Well, that wasn't
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: that hard, was it? There is a little bit left here.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get into it. Please do. I responded, I did.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: I give up.
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: Life's too short to be someone's afterthought. Whether you've just
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: lost interest or whether there's somebody else when you jump
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: in a shower on a Sunday morning and see girl
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: body scrub that isn't yours, you gotta wonder.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Or both. I really don't care.
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: I deserve better and it's not worth feeling like a
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: dirty little secret and feeling like crap when I could
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: be happy by myself. Or go find someone who lifts
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: me up and genuinely wants to be in my life
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: and vice versa. I'm angry at myself for letting this
• 45:12
  Speaker 4: drag out for so long. I should have let go
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: ages ago, but I guess I hope that things would
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: get better.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: More fool me. Haven't heard from him since, so I
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: guess the trash took itself out. He clearly didn't care
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: about me at all. I'm 31 tomorrow. Looks like I'll
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: be spending it free and single.
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: Woo!
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: A 30, flirty, and thriving.
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: And truthfully, girl, that's the best situation you could be
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: in right now.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: Best birthday present you could have got. Free from this man.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: Don't even have to worry about it. He's just going to,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: he's got another gig he has to get to anyway.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: He's got another gig. Yeah, he's got another gig. Can
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: we think about his gig? More body wash to put on.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: He's got to scrub himself down. He's got to scrub
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: dirty self down.
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: There's a very infamous like reverse bell curve of how
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: cool it is to be in a band. And it's
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: like when you're a teenager, when you're in your 20s,
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: when you're in your late 20s, when you're in your
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: mid 30s.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: And then it circles back around when you're like 60.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: 60. Super cool. Cool. It's true. Yeah, it's true. That's
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: what I tell my boyfriend. It's not cool.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: No, your boyfriend's in the perfect age range.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's true. Yeah, he's at the right age.
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: And there's also like the success to like time you've
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: been doing it ratio that being in a band at 31.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: I honestly think it's cool if you're, I mean, I
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: love a band. Yeah, and don't get me wrong.
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: Hold on.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: Let me, let me.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: It's because he's prioritizing the gigs over seeing his girlfriend
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: for seven weeks that makes him a loser, not just
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: because he's in a band.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: That's what I was going to reiterate. So we're on
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: the same page. But that is the end of that story. Hey,
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: it's Keon, your favorite Filipino here.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: My girlfriend mocked me for crying over an audiobook, so
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: I walked out. I would too. Like the title said, I,
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: 41 male, want to break up with my partner of
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: two years, 39 female, after she mocked me for crying
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: during an audiobook. I've never been a very outwardly emotional person.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: Blame it on my childhood or 22 years in the military.
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: Oof.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: Recently retired or whatever, but I've always leaned more towards
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: stoicism than anything else. However, there are times that external
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: media such as books, audiobooks, movies, music, etc. elicit emotional
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: responses from me. To get to the meat of this,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: I was in my garage fixing my bicycle and listening
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: to the audiobook of A Memory of Light. Wheel of- Time,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: book 14, by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson. Excellent books.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: I haven't read them, but I love Brandon Sanderson.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: It's my buddy's favorite book series.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: I just know that they're great, and I've read Brandon Sanderson,
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: so I was going to say excellent. Wait, what is
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: this called? Maybe I'll listen to it. Wheel of Time.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: I will say, again... It's high fantasy. 14 many books.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: It's a lot. Like 14 books.
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: And Brandon Sanderson's the guy, he's in charge if George R. R.
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: Martin croaks before he finishes Game of Thrones, Brandon Sanderson's
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: in charge of finishing it.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: If you want also good series from Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn. Mistborn. Oh, Mistborn.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Great series. And I came to a character passing that
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: kind of floored me, and I began to cry. She
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: had poked her head in to ask me something, and
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: I guess this was the first time my girlfriend had
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: seen this side of me. And rather than ask me
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: what was going on, she immediately started mocking me, saying,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: Look at this, the big bad marine blubbering like a
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: witch with a skinned knee. Exact quote.
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: She didn't say witch, she said the B word, to
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: be clear. Aw, what?
• 48:41
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: No.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: Was she also in the military? Yeah, she was like,
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: shape up, sailor. Get out of there. Stop crying.
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: If that was the first time I had seen my...
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: And you don't know why. And I don't know why. Like,
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: I just popped in and they're just like, I'm like,
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: oh my God, what happened?
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: Are you okay?
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: Like, did you hurt something? Like something happened? Family? All right.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: Like what's going on? This is, this is how this
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: would play out for me really quick. I walk in.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. Are you okay? What happened? He goes,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: my favorite character died in the audio book. And I go,
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: oh my God, I thought something terrible happened. You're ridiculous.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: What happened? Tell me about this book. That's how that
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: would play out. See, I would be like, oh, what happened?
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: You'd be like, oh, my favorite character died. I'd be like, no, wait, what?
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: Who?
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'd be like, wait, what happened? Was
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: it like horrible? Tell me all about it. Yeah, I
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: would also ask, tell me what happened. Except in this case,
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't because you would be spoiling it for me.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know what came over me, but I yelled,
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: F off! Dropped my tools, grabbed my phone, jumped in
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: my pickup, and drove down to the river so I
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: could cool off. After about an hour, I drove back home.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from ToughCookie1984, and if you
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: slash okstorytime subreddit and op says, She was waiting for
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: me when I came in and said, What was that about?
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: You can't take a little teasing? I didn't say anything,
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: just stared at her. And to fill the silence, she said,
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I can ever look at you
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: the same way again. You're an ugly crier. Aww. I
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: feel like I.
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: I know I've, like, said in the past, a guy
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: was crying. I have to, like, turn away because I'll laugh.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: What? But.
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: in this bowl because it depends on the situation everyone
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: took that out of context i i'm like.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Yes and now i'm gonna repeat it because i'm gonna
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: defend my side okay.
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: Okay what context could we possibly be missing.
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: Because if he if he's like oh i just like
• 50:32
  Speaker 4: you know my uh like i died in my video
• 50:35
  Speaker 4: game or something i'd be like okay well if it's.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: A video game that's the context that was the.
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: Context that you were talking about yes i would say
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: that was the car i'd be like i would say
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: that was the I would say that was the context
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: I was talking about.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: Honestly, at the end of the day, if this feels
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: like your partner doesn't understand this side of you at
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: all because it's never been seen. So she's razzing you.
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: She's messing with you. And she's not taking this seriously.
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: I don't think she really thinks you're an ugly crier.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: I think she's just keeping up the same vibe of
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: just messing with you about it. And she has no
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: clue how you actually feel. Instead of just giving her
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: a silent stare, you should explain how you actually feel.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: I think that is super fair. I think OP does
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: need to communicate that. And it seems like that kind
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: of goes in with his stoicism. Like, I don't talk
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: about my feelings. However, what she word for word said,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: I think is like diabolical to me to be like,
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: you are a witch. And also you're an ugly crier.
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: I'll never look at you the same way.
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: See, I wouldn't... yeah see I I would never make
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: fun of someone to joke about even that is yes
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: to joke about that I I truly believe that is wrong.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: Also she still doesn't know why he was crying exactly.
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: She never even asked she never you know whatever she's
• 51:47
  Speaker 4: just like oh I wouldn't even want to tell her
• 51:49
  Speaker 4: she would make fun of him yeah exactly I'd be
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: like okay well now I don't trust you at all
• 51:52
  Speaker 4: with any of my my feelings instead of entertaining the
• 51:55
  Speaker 4: argument that was about to happen I walked past her
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: went to her bedroom and started packing some clothes and
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: toiletries into my gym bag oh wow Nah, dude, no.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: I'm currently staying at my sister's place and I texted
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: her saying that I need some time and we can
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: talk when I'm ready. I'm wondering if I overreacted by
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: going from zero to get the F out without giving
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: her a chance to talk this through. I just felt
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: so exposed and disrespected in that moment and I don't
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: know if what I did was right or if I
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: should try and salvage this. We've had a pretty good
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: relationship up until now. I mean, we've had arguments and disagreements,
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: but we've worked through that stuff. So am I overreacting?
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: We do have an update, but what do you guys think?
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, I would say no and yes.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: Yes. I think the answer is somewhere in the middle. Yeah.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: Like, you just don't have the skills at all to
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: properly explain to your partner what you're actually thinking because
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: you never are vulnerable and open.
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it goes back to the stoicism, as you're saying.
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: I think that when all of this happened, you just
• 52:56
  Speaker 4: weren't expecting to get made fun of.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: Gee, he was also alone. Yes, he was also alone.
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: He didn't realize like nobody knew that this was going
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: to like blow up or whatever. But then coming back
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: and just like not even talking about it and just like,
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: you know, just packing up your.
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: Things and leaving.
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: That was the way that you felt like you were like,
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: I'm not I can't talk about it. Like, I don't
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: even want to talk about it. about it right now,
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: you're allowed to give yourself distance. If you think that
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: you're still heated and it's going to turn into like
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: a bigger thing, give yourself room.
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: But communicate that. Well, he did.
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: He said he sent a text was like, hey, I just,
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: you know, need a couple of days to myself to
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: think about some stuff, whatever.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: I'll talk when I'm ready.
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: I think he handled it semi-okay. He still communicated while
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: he left, saying, I just need some time. It's not
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: like he completely ignored her and just left and said nothing.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle for me.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: I think OP definitely needs to work on, in general,
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: his ability to communicate his feelings and emotions, which he's
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: already said he's never really done before.
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I feel like the leaving itself was
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: probably like a trauma response, you know?
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: However... obviously what she said is unacceptable. Obviously what she
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: said was just way too far. I like, if I
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: were OP, I would not want to tell her my
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: feelings because I would feel that she would make fun
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: of them. Regardless of whether or not you improve yourself
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: in this relationship or the next, that is something you
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: could focus on. And she needs to focus on being nicer.
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: Last little piece of analysis out of me. I feel
• 54:21
  Speaker 3: like the relationship dynamic probably involves a lot of that
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: kind of talk. Like a lot of sort of, you know,
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: sort of like cheeky bullying and like it's probably always
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: accepted but she hit the one spot of his like
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: actual emotions of him like be crying or something that
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: he just is not okay with that actually being like
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: something to be made fun of for but he can't
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: explain that because he probably never has and doesn't it
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: doesn't have the words that's a very um very good
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: so just tell her like you can make fun of
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: me for whatever just don't make fun of me for
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: having emotions.
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: But we got an update, so let's see if they talked.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: We just sat down at Denny's and had breakfast together
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: to try and talk this out. While she did apologize
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: for laughing at me, we ultimately decided to split. I
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: spent a good portion of last night reading through everyone's responses,
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: writing down some questions I wanted to ask her, and
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: was able to make it through without a lot of
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: pushback or defensiveness on her part. Her reasoning for her
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: reaction to seeing me in such a vulnerable state was
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: initially shock, because as surmised in my original text, she
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: had never seen me that way before, and her doubling
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: down by calling me an ugly crier was her way
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: of trying to make light of it. I told her
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: that I need to be with someone who will allow
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: me to be vulnerable without making fun of me for it.
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: I expounded by telling her a little bit about my
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: childhood and the neighborhood I grew up in. and that
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: where I came from, any sign of weakness was meant
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: with derision, mockery, and scorn. I also told her about
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: my time as a Marine and how in the Corps,
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: there may be a pervasive culture of toxicity, but if
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: you actually do break down and start crying, most of
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: your brothers will comfort you. As far as the logistics
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: of the breakup, I'm giving her until the start of
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: September to get her affairs in order and find a
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: new place to live since the house is mine and
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: my sister has graciously told me I can stay with
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: her until then. She said she likes having me there.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: Because it helps her out with my nephews and nieces
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: by having me around with her husband currently deployed. He's
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: Air Force. No one's perfect, but he's a good man.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: Chair Force. Chair Force.
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: The inter-agency beef.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: Like they always say, like, the Air Force is the
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: Chair Force because they just sit there. That's funny. That's
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: why he's like, no one's perfect. That's funny. That is funny.
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: How did I know that?
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: I don't really have any family. Do you have family?
• 56:35
  Speaker 4: No.
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, wow.
• 56:36
  Speaker 4: My grandpa was like way back when. How did you
• 56:38
  Speaker 4: learn the chair force then? Um, Cindy dated a guy
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: who was in the Air Force.
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: Okay. And we would call him chair force. But we've
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: got a second update. Five weeks later, I spent three
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: weeks staying with my little sister. She's 40, so maybe
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: not so little. And she's two inches taller than me.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: But I'm still her big brother by 10 months. Irish twins,
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: even though we're black.
• 56:56
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: Irish twins is just... A term. Anyone can be Irish twins.
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: I think Opie's just joking. Oh, because Irish people usually
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: aren't black. Well, you know what? Irish twins are, right? Yeah,
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: when you're born. Me and Cindy were almost Irish twins.
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: To be clear, I don't think the joke is that
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: Irish people aren't black. I think the joke is that
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: it's irrelevant information to have an Irish birthday with someone.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: The color of their skin. No, I think the joke
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: is that we're not Irish. Irish twins are just born
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: on the same day.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: Not that you can't be black and Irish. Yeah, I
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: think the joke is that they're not Irish. Yeah, I
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: think that's the joke. Even though we're black. It really
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter what the joke is. We'll have to ask
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: this guy.
• 57:28
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: Hey, what was the joke? There, you can be both
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: black and Irish. This guy's making me question it. Well,
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: she finally got the last of her crap out of
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: my house, and I've moved back in. I don't know
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: if I should come out and say this, but I've
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: been trying to connect with my emotions. Good job. I've
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: cried more in the last six weeks than I've done
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: in the last 20 years. Woo! Honestly, what a release.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: Freaking hoo-ah, dude. But after 22 years as a Marine, 03, 11, 03,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: crying actually feels amazing. I've honestly just been dopamine mining
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: at this point. That's what men need to realize. Crying
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: feels so good.
• 58:01
  Speaker 4: It's not even the fact of like, you know, I
• 58:04
  Speaker 4: understand that like when I'm like.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: When people come at me, they're like, why aren't you
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: going to laugh or whatever? And it's like, Okay.
• 58:09
  Speaker 4: But if it's at like a video game or you
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: lost it, like a board game, you're going to like, yes.
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: And you're going to like have like a, like a
• 58:17
  Speaker 4: baby's reaction. Like a tantrum is what I'm talking about.
• 58:19
  Speaker 4: Tantrum reactions, guys. She was talking about tantrums.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: Tantrum reactions. Not like she appreciates when men cry.
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: I do like, I do appreciate a man in touch
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: with his feelings.
• 58:31
  Speaker 4: I do love that. Like absolutely would choose that over anything.
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: I'm definitely not looking to get into any relationships right now.
• 58:38
  Speaker 4: I'm just trying to accept that I have trauma and
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: that I'm finally at a moment in my life where
• 58:42
  Speaker 4: I can embrace my emotions without having to apologize for them.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: Yes. Snaps. Yes. I love that.
• 58:50
  Speaker 4: See, we love a man who can like be in
• 58:53
  Speaker 4: touch with his feelings, especially what he's 41 and he's
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: just realizing this.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: Just now discovering all of that buildup. That's crazy. That
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: is so amazing. Yeah, Opie's got 40 years of crying
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: to catch up on. For real. I'm not a complete
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: blubbering mess, but I've been meditating. Look at you.
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: Look at you!
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: Can we love a meditating man? Stop! Wait, you're kind
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: of my dream man. I've been considering and have been
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: focusing on intention. As far as the breakup goes, she
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: hasn't reached out at all. After the showdown at Denny's,
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: she completely disengaged and started looking for a new place
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: to live. Thank you all for your kind words and DMs.
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: This Marine is grateful. Oh, LP, props to you. Like,
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: just huge props to you for realizing, even though she was,
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: I think, the a-hole in that moment.
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: Realizing that you still had work to do. Yes. And
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: then even after the relationship ended, being like, well, I'm
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: not going to stop working on myself. Yes, absolutely.
• 59:47
  Speaker 4: And I feel like a lot of times, especially men,
• 59:50
  Speaker 4: will internalize their feelings and bring out more anger.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And just be like, yeah, screw them, hate them, blah, blah,
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: and still not work on themselves. I agree. Like, I
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: don't know, a couple of months ago I was talking to,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: I was hanging out with like seven guys that we spot, actually,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: with Sam. And we were having a conversation about how
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: often they had cried. And one of them was like, yeah, like, dude,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: I cried like, like six, like once this past six months.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: no joke all the guys were like dude great job
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: like wow you're so in touch with your mom I
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: was like what I cried six times in a month
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: in in a day no I cried 16 times this
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: month yeah um I feel like I'm But, you know,
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: props to all the men out there who are realizing
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: that it is okay to cry and working on that.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: I will end with this. End with it. I hated crying.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: I was not, I was very much like, I don't
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: like crying. I don't like when people see me cry.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not a crier. I very much like would drown
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: that part out of me.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: And now like going to therapy, realizing that like, actually
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: it's more like, cause then when I would cry, it
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: would just be burst of emotion. It's everything at once.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: You know, and I'd be like, whoa, what is happening?
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: I didn't even know what to feel. But when you
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 4: like actually get to feel what you want to feel
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: instead of shutting it down, shutting it down, you feel.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: So much release. You feel this is healthy. This is
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: not just like a burst of emotion that I don't
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: even know what to do. What's a bit like earthquakes? Because,
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: you know, L.A. has a bunch of little earthquakes and
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: you're like, OK, it's release of tension, release of tension
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: so that you don't have nothing. And then giant the
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: big one, you know, exactly. And then you don't freak
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: out on your partner. It's like it's good to release
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: those small amounts of emotions.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: When you feel it. And there's no manageable. There's no
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: right or wrong time to do it. No, you know,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: it's just what you feel. Cry. Do it. Cry. Show
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: us in the comments you crying. Show us a picture
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: of you crying in the comments. I want to see that.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: I'm sure one of you is crying right now. I'm sure.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 4: Cry!
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: Do it! Do it! I can't. But that's the end
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: of the story. And we've got comments.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 4: These comments are from my ex dumped me for an
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: arranged marriage. Now she wants me back, which was posted
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: August 20th, 2026. This is the TLDR for story one.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: OP was heartbroken four years ago when his girlfriend of
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: four years, Jayma, left him to go through with an
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: arranged marriage her family had set up. He'd only ever
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 4: been introduced as her friend, never her boyfriend. And after
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: a huge wedding in Pakistan, she vanished from his life completely.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 4: He moved to London, tried to move on, but never
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 4: fully healed. Then, out of nowhere, Jayma's brother started reaching
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 4: out to reconnect, followed by a contrite handwritten letter from
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: her father asking for a chance to apologize and make
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 4: things right.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: I remember that story. I also remember that. That was
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: a tough one.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 4: If you're curious to know the full story, you can
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: go and watch the video. Comment number one by Bob
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 4: Smash says, And this, kids, is why we do not
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: support arranged marriages that do not include willful knowledge and
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 4: participation from all involved. We do not support agency being
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: taken away from anyone. Yes. Comment number three, JohnX3B4C says, Wow,
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 4: never imagined a scenario where I would forgive someone for
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 4: leaving me for another man.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: But this scenario... Maybe it. Yeah, it's a very specific scenario.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 4: Comment number four by Graviton Smith says, I think the
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 4: worst part is that the parents are making amends not
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 4: for anything that has to do with the daughter. They
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 4: just want to have access to the grandkids from their
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 4: firstborn son. They care so little about her. Truly second
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 4: class in the family.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I could see that. It did feel like they
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: were very contrite, but I also see that point, so.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 4: But that is the end of the comments and the
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 4: end of this episode. So if you love us, make
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 4: sure to subscribe. We love you and see you tomorrow.