Latest / Come Back to Love: / Come Back To Love July 30, 2026 Body Love, Real Love — Finding Partnership in Midlife with Guest Sarah Haas

Transcript

Come Back To Love July 30, 2026 Body Love, Real Love — Finding Partnership in Midlife with Guest Sarah Haas · Come Back to Love:

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to come Back to Love with your host, Robin Vogel.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Each week at this same time, come Back to Love
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: covers an endless array of topics related to relationships, love
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and intimacy, along with all the reasons you may be
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: keeping love at a distance. Can a shattered heart be
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: your doorway to your greatest love story? Robin will give
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: you practical tools that can be used to heal the
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: past and help you to safely love again. And now
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Today's come back to Love.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: In a world that often feels disconnected, uncertain, and overwhelming,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: there has never been a better and more important time
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: to come back to love. I'm Robin Vogel, psychotherapist, relationship expert,
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: love and intimacy coach, and the author of come Back
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: to Love, a Path to Healing. For over twenty years,
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I've been sitting with people in their most tender, courageous moments,
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: the heartbreaks, the longing, the walls that have built around
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: their hearts, and the quiet hope that real love is
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: still possible. Today, I have a special episode for you,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: and this is a very a unique and awesome conversation
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: that I had with bodylove coach Sarah Haas. She and
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: I have a really fascinating conversation about love and intimacy
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: and love during midlife and why it's entirely possible, and
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: body love, which is so important, and so I'm including
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: it here in our episode today so that you can
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: listen in to this wonderful conversation and let me know
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: what you think I'll see after the show. I began
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: this work probably as a child. My mother died when
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: I was really young, when I was ten years old. Now, yeah,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: the relationships and the challenge of all the relationships was
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: right from the very beginning, and although I wasn't conscious
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: per se of what was going on, I quote unquote
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: learned because that's what we do. We come in and
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: we kind of know are sort of an empty slate,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: blank slate. I mean, not totally because we're divine beings,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: but you know, we take on early on what our
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: parents participate in their behaviors, the way they engage with
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: each other, the way they engage with us, parents, legal guardians,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: foster parents, et cetera. Whoever it is that is caretaking
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: you and I learned a lot of things. I learned
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: to lie, I learned to hide, I learned not to
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: share my feelings not to rock the boat, not to
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: say anything that would create any conflict, because the whole
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: system was so shut down around the fear of my
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: mother's illness. She was sick for four years. And also
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: it was the seventies, and as I work with my
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: own clients and do my own interviews with folks that
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: had some similar situation in the seventies, it really was
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: a time when the wisdom was don't talk about it,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: don't include the children, pretend everything's okay, smile, you know,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: And it was such a disservice, obviously to everybody involved.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: It was certainly a huge disservice to me. It took
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: me a little time to realize that it wasn't just
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: the illness and the death of my mother at a
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: young age. It was all the circumstances surrounding what happened
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: that had impacted me. And although I wasn't fully conscious
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: of it, I was very, very intent on having good
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: friendships and getting away from my home and into communities.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I was lucky I found a couple of communities, even
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: as a teenager, that were so nourishing and so the opposite.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: And although I hadn't done my healing work yet, so
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: I was still very like shy, shy and quiet and
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: sort of shut down.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Well, you can't really do healing work when you're in
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: your teens. No, you don't happen, I mean, brains, not
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: even I think it's so rare. We're really just trying
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: to survive at that point. But it's so lucky that
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: you were able to find a place that gave you
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: that space to feel calm when everything at home was chaotic.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, common enough for sure, Yeah, exactly, So I you know,
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: it was it was all through that that I got
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: to see like, oh, relationship can be something else other
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: than what I had experienced. So that led me eventually.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: It took a while to get there, of course, it's
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: a long and winding road, but eventually to a space
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: of relationship and healthy relationships with everybody, including yourself being
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: the focus of my work. And yeah, it took me
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: a while to see, like even going through the divorce
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: that I went through, and I have a really amazing
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: co parent and have had that relationship for twenty years,
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: you know, beyond our separation, right to really see that
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: it's a place that I have met astery because of
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: the experience and all of the experiences that I had
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: leading up, so it took me a while to get there,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: but I started to really hone in on relationship and
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: looking at the obstacles and looking at the things that
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: get in the way of us being open to love, us, trusting,
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: being courageous, being vulnerable, communicating well, all the things that
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: we are able to have in our lives but don't
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: always know how to get there.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I always look at my divorce as such
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: an incredible eye opening experience and I would never be
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: who I am today if I hadn't gone through that.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: I learned about my own patterns and how my relationships
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: through the years, starting you know, with my very first
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: ones as a teen, kind of paralleled what my parents
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: looked like and their relationship, and it's almost like you
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: have to live through that experience to then get the insight.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: So I was like, why do I keep doing this?
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: You know? Why do I keep ending up with these jerks?
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: Why do I keep You know, not that the husband's
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: always bad, it's just that it's not the right one
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: for you. And I learned a little from each relationship,
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: and then with the seventeen year marriage and that ending,
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: I learned so much about myself that it literally completely
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: changed me as a person, changed the way I feel
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: about myself, changed my new relationships going forward, not even
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: just romantic but all relationships. And is that did you
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: feel that way too? In going through your processes?
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: It sounds to me like you were really lucky and
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: also aware because I think that a lot of people
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: come out of relationship maybe that that one, you know,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: main relationship, often a marriage, not always thinking that they're
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: going to create something new because everything that that didn't
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: work well, you know, they usually usually people like, pick
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: the next person is kind of the opposite.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: Well, that's exactly what I did. That's exactly why I
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: ended up married to the person I was. Oh, it
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: looked really different, it checked completely different boxes, but then
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: it really was the same. It looks so different on
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: the outside. Yeah, I think that's so common.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Exactly, It's so common, and so yeah, that was my
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: experience too. I feel like what I did was I
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: did I picked the opposite after the divorce and then
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: still was like, oh wait a minute, I'm still in
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: the same cycle. I'm still choosing the same kind of person,
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: And it reflects what for me, what I experienced in
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: the past, same for all of us. You know, whatever
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: it is that we keep bringing into our experience and
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: to ourselves, I believe is the piece that needs to
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: be looked at from waiting.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, and then I always say, the universe will keep
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: giving you opportunities to practice whatever it is you need
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: to heal and address. Like you're not going to just go, oh, okay,
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: that relationship's over, which is what I thought I would do. Okay,
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: that's over. I don't have that problem anymore. I'll look
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: for something different next time. And then the next one
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: you're like, oh wait, this is more practice. It takes
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: a lot of practice to understand.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Yes, we need to do a lot of what I
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: call reps, you know, like if you think about it
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: at the gym, you know, we can start with like lightweights,
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: but we need to keep going and keep going and
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: keep practicing and building and strengthening. And the universe will
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: often provide lots of opportunity for that, which can be
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: really hard, really frustrating. You know. The people that come
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: into my metaphorical and literal office for my programs are
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: often really frustrated because they just keep seeing the pattern
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: over and over again. And it feels stuck, and oh yeah,
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: most of them, No, I don't want to keep doing
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: it like this, and most of them know I know
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: something else can be different. I just don't know how
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: to get there. And you know, you probably see that
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: in your own work. I imagine absolutely. I think that
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: can apply to everything. It can apply to your physical health,
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: it can apply to your jobs, your relationships, your friendships,
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: because you grow up with learning from only what you
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: see and the experiences that you have, and we're all
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: just trying to survive, right, And yeah, so many women
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: feel stuck with their weight because they keep doing the
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: same thing and thinking, well, there's something wrong with me.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I don't understand why this isn't working. I don't understand
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: why I'm stuck. And I didn't just come to my
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: realizations on my own. I had a coach, I had therapy,
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: just like what you do.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you can't see it well a lot of times,
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: almost always, I don't think you can really see it
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: and understand it until some kind of light bulb turns on.
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: And so often it's.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: Through a coach or a guide who can see things
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: from the outside that you can't see yourself.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, one hundred percent. I mean same
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: for me. I have hired so many coaches in my
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: life for support of course, you know, and as aware
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: as I feel I've been in my life, there's so
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: much that's I can't see and so much easier to
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: see when someone's there to reflect it back always. So yeah,
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: I feel like the methodology that sort of came to
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: me or that I developed over twenty years of working
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: really helps people see that it's not just about doing
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: the emotional work, because that can be the belief system
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: in our culture, like do the emotional work and all
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: as well. And really I also thought that because you know,
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: that's I think, what's in our drinking water. And also
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: I was studying counseling and psychotherapy, so I really believed that.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: And I'm not saying at all that it's not helpful,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: because I don't even know where I would be without
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: that part of my own journey. But once I really
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: discovered that there's more to it than just doing the
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: emotional work, the next piece that is so important is
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: working on limiting beliefs and looking at them as as
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: really the piece that if the limiting beliefs stay like,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: we could do all the emotional work we want, but
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: those limiting beliefs will just show up and sabotage any
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: effort to fully heal. And so I got steeped in
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: the world of neuroplasticity and neuroscience and the research and
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: the different tools that are so effective to when you
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: use them to quiet those limiting beliefs down. Now much
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: more of the whole body, mind, spirit is on board
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: to actually take a step forward and move forward. And
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: it's easy to say the words, but in I would
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: say the words of my clients, it's like, oh, I
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: never thought I deserve love, and now I see that
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: I actually do deserve love. And I'm going to stop
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: choosing people that are just okay, not really kind to
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: me because I don't deserve that any at all. I
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: don't deserve it anymore. I felt like I did, But
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: now I know I deserve somebody who's kind and loving
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: and caring and can love all of me. That's one
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: example of how when you really do the work in
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: the wholeness of the work and not just sort of compartmentalized.
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: I think that's such a good boat.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: And the limiting belief your brain you don't even know
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: it's going on in the background, and every situation you
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: get in that is driving your actions and the way
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: that you show up and what you who you end
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: up with, not just really relationships, but jobs and you
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: know everything, anything.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, self sabotaging really anything. And that's a
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: place that people really get stuck and they call it
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: self sabotage, but they don't know exactly what's going on
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: and why they're self sabotaging, because, like you said, those
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: limiting beliefs are running in the background. And for me,
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: I actually wrote about it in my book that was
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: just published this year. There's a story sort of an
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: awakened moment in my early thirties where I was participating
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: in this sacred circle with women and we had just
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: done a whole day long healing ritual and I was
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: just sitting and relaxing and I was just gazing out
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: into the room and I saw the women on the
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: other side, this small group just like being so loving
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: and connected and sweet with each other and just hugging
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: and just beautiful energy. And I heard myself say, Oh,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: that's for them, not for me, And I was like shocked,
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Like I have chills just telling the story again. Because
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: I had no idea that that belief was running in
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: the background. When I heard myself say it, I knew
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: in that moment that it was running in the background,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: but I hadn't heard it loud enough. I was just
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: kind of aware of it, but not aware enough to
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: really notice it, if that makes sense. But as soon
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: as I heart myself say that, I was like, oh,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: my goodness, like, that's what I'm living with, Like, first
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: of all, not true. And what has that created in
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: my life? If I think that love and that juiciness
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: and that connection and intimacy was for other people but
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: not for me, Yeah, that really changed a lot. That
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: was in my early thirties.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: So you're saying, really the core of it is what
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: are those limiting beliefs?
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: Like that is the thing that you have to uncover.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: You have to uncover along with doing the emotional work
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: we do have to go. We do have to look
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: at the pattern that's happening right now in the moment
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: and say, Okay, where did that pattern come from? We
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: do what I call in my work a bridge back.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: So we do a bridge back, we find where it began,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: maybe this life, maybe another life, you know, who knows.
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: As far back as we can find the pattern, and
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: then using some methodology and some tools that are so powerful,
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: we actually are able to heal that. And when we
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: pull a weed up, as we know, if the roots
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: come with it, it doesn't repeat, it doesn't grow back.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: And so basically we're doing that, we're finding the roots,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: we're pulling the roots up, we're doing the healing work
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: that needs to be done, and now that's healed. Going
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: from that point forward in the emotional realm. However, again,
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: if those limiting beliefs are still there, they're just gonna
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: squash that. They're going to allow a step forward, but
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: not a leap forward. We can say it that way,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: and so we do yes to what you said. We
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: need to then do the work of what's happening in
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: the mind, what's running behind the scenes of everything, and
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: what's sabotaging.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: And I love that you mentioned the neuroplasticity, because there
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: is actual brain science. But behind this, this is not
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: just like, oh, you know, we're going to do the
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: emotional work and talk about things and feelings and blah
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: blah blah, like your brain has these neural pathways that.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: You've been using for years.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: Decades, and I think a lot of women look at
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: it as well, this is just the way I am,
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: this is just the way I'm wired, And you're pointing
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: out a really important fact is that no, you might
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: have been wired this way for a long time, but
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: no matter your age, it's not too late. You can
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: still change. You know, a lot of a lot of
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: my clients are stuck in a pattern of eating emotionally,
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: eating to feel better, eating to give themselves a boost.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: So many times it's late at night, the after dinner,
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: before bed, and when we start breaking that up, kind
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: of uncovering the layers, what's really going on. I know
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: you don't want to eat, you say you're not going
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: to eat, and then all of a sudden something takes over.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: Let's figure out what that is. And a lot of times,
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: so often it's loneliness, even if they're in a relationship
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: or not, because a lot of women in this stage
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: are divorced or have experienced a loss of a loved
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: one and they're lonely, but they're afraid of getting heartbroken
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: again and being vulnerable and putting themselves out there and
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: that can be a really scary thing. So how do
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: you help women kind of get over that fear. That's
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: a big roadblock. I would think, m h.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, fear of fear of putting themselves out there again.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: And if you're not trusting yourself, trust, stop repeating the pattern.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: You don't want to do it again. You've seen it,
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: like your brain pathway says, this is what you're worthy of.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: This is what you're going to keep getting because it
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: has the evidence right from your past experiences, and it
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: can be a big roadblock. You're just like forget it.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: You know, a lot of women in midlife are like, oh, well,
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: I'm just.
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: Done with this. I'm just done with this.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I know that makes me so sad.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's heartbreaking, It is heartbreaking.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean the first step. I have a four
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: gate approach that I developed on the path to come
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: back to love. And we've talked about the first two
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: gates actually the emotional and then the mind working with
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: the mind, and the limiting beliefs, and so that's where
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I start. I do the inner work is really important,
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: but then also we need to do the outer piece.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: So let me just repeat. The inner piece would be like, okay,
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: where did these fears originate? The feelings that you're having
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: the mistrust of yourself, et cetera. You know that obviously
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: needs some healing, some attention. Those parts need to be heard,
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: they need to grieve, they need to rage, whatever they need.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: We hold space and create space for that to happen,
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: because that's a really important part of the healing journey.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: And then yeah, and then again we look at what
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: are the beliefs that are keeping you stuck, like I'm
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: better off alone, I'm not going to find any anyone anyway.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: But there's always, always might be an overstatement, I would say,
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: most often, there's also a part that feels that still
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: feels hopeful. And we know that when somebody is saying, well,
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter, it's over fine, I'm done, I'm fine.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: That that's a protection. It takes a lot to step
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: into love again. Love is risky, you know, it just
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: is by nature, it just is. And that you know,
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: it takes courage, it takes resilience. So we look at
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: that inside, you know, and I invite people to look
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: at that inside themselves. You know, do they what's happening
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: with resilience, what's happening with courage? And again, sort of
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: unraveling the experiences of the past that have locked some
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: misbeliefs in place, because those aren't really like a fear
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: of abandonment, for example, it's not really a feeling. It's
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: it's actually a misbelief about something that happened that it's
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: going to repeat itself.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah, because I don't think most of us think, oh,
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid of being abandoned necessarily, you know, that's not
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: really the cognizant part that is saying.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: That, right, right. It might not be what people say
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: out loud, but it's in there as the brain believes
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: it's going to happen again. So it's more belief than
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: a feeling. So then we need to look at that belief,
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: you know, and change the beliefs and the especially the
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: neuroplasticity work and those tools are so powerful. I just
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: recently had a client who had some pretty severe PTSD
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: around the last relationship they had and was keeping them home,
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: like literally home inside their house and not participating in
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: things that they really love. And they would say, like,
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: I love to go out to get out and go
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: to concerts and see live music, and I'm I can't.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like home in my house and I really don't
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: feel like it can leave. And honestly, like two months
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: into the work and they're going out, they're participating in life,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: they're meeting people, and they even came across I'm going
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: to say the perpetrator, the ex They even came into
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: contact physical in the same space with them, and it
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: was I was like weeping listening to the story because
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: they were like yeah, I just looked it over and
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: was like okay, and I just kept going to my seat,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: whereas literally two months prior, they were shaking, sweating, you know, raging, terrified,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: needing to leave. Like quite a story, and they did exactly.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: You know, they were participating in my program at the
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: time and had come on a retreat with me and
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: just really did the work, like really wanted things to
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: shift as much as there was also a part that
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: was like, well, I guess I'm damaged. I guess I'm broken.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: You know, this relationship broke me and that's the end
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: of that. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm always holding hope, Like
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: I know my own story, like, you know, my mother died,
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: my father died, I had a partner who died, I
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: got divorced, like whatever I can rattle off all of
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: these losses that I'm not discounting, they were all very
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: obviously intense and really difficult. But I always say or,
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: and I always say like, if I can get through
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: that and keep putting myself out there and have love
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: in my life that I hold so dearly. Right now,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: it's like, I feel like anybody can do it, And
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: so I'm really a stand for not giving up and
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: for having courage to look inside and do the work.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: You know, when you get to midlife, Yeah, I don't
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: know how many. You know, whether you believe there's another
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: lifetime or not, it's like.
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: How much time to do it?
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: It's time to do it? Yeah, it's moments.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, and we we all deserve to be happy.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: You want to live out these decades happy and excited.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: And we all need love. We all need companionship. However
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: that looks, whether it's relationships or friends. It can be
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: scary when you've been burned a lot. So you're looking
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: at the original belief first, and then looking at how
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: is that creating this pattern?
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: What am I doing now?
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: And then you're saying, start unraveling the beliefs is the
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: third step.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we start unraveling the beliefs. We start unraveling, We
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: start unraveling the belief and also the feelings attached.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: And then did you say there's a fourth what's the
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: next step.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: Well, there's the four gates approach to come back to
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: love is actually an invitation to take a look at
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: the emotional components to what you're feeling leftover, grief, leftover rage, leftover, heartache,
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: card break, and we do some very specific healing work
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: around that piece. The second gate is working with the beliefs,
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: like you just said, dismantling, unraveling these beliefs, figuring out
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: where they came from, and really just using very specific
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: tools of neuroplasticity that shift those beliefs, and it happens
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: very quickly with repetition using the tools that I teach.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: The third gate is we look at the soul journey,
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: like why are we here? What are the lessons we're
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: supposed to gather then gain from this lifetime? And that's
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: a very specific guided experience that I developed that really
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: support participants in seeing what that's all about and understanding
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: more of their life purpose, which a lot of people
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: struggle with why am I here? Especially with all this heartbreak,
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: so that exercise brings a lot of light to places
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: that have been really hard and dark. And then the
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: last piece has to do with the body, So enter
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Sarah's work. But the last piece is about the body,
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: loving the body pleasure, coming back to a place of
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: really being embodied and loving yourself and your body. And
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: and the body piece weaves through, but I give it
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: its own gait because it's so important that shows up
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: in so many different ways. As we know, some people
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: don't choose a partner because they're so embarrassed about their bodies.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be touched, Yeah the time right,
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: So we want to come back to like look at
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: this physical body and this like vehicle from my soul
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: and how can I love and appreciate who I am
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: right now? And we have to include our bodies in
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: our journey, especially when we're looking at well all of it.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: But when I'm looking at relationship and into see in
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: sex and all of that, it's like we needed our
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: bodies on board. I hope you enjoyed this special episode
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: with myself, Robin Vogel and Body Loove coach Sarah has
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: This has come back to love and we are on
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: km E t R ABC News radio affiliate station on
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: fourteen ninety AM and ninety eight point one FM. We
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: are live here Thursdays at one thirty pm Pacific time,
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: and I look forward to seeing you every week. If
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: you have questions or comments or anything you want to suggest,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: please do go to my website come Back to Love
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: dot com, click on contact and be in touch. I
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: always love hearing from you, and I so appreciate your questions.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: I want to say that love is courageous, no doubt
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: about it. So I invite you to step into your courage.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: I'm Robin Vogel. I invite you to be gentle with yourself.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Love is possible, and it starts with coming back to you.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: I look forward to being with you again next week. Hi,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: this is Robin Vogel, host of Come Back to Love.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: If you are ready to heal the past and open
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: your heart to love again, I want to talk with you.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Book a free thirty minute private conversation with me at
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: comebacktolove dot com. I'll meet you where you are and.
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: Give you real tools you can use right now.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Because love isn't just possible for you, it's waiting for you.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Go to Comeback too Love dot com and book your
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: free thirty minutes Today.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: You've been listening to Come Back to Love with Robin Vogel,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: a transformative program that covers an endless array of topics
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: related to relationships, love and intimacy, along with all the
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: reasons you may be keeping love at a distance. Tune
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: in each week as Robin gives you practical tools that
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: can be used to heal the past and help you
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: to safely love again. Join Robin again next week at
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: the same time for come Back to Love