Latest / Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk / The Bunkhouse Podcast, host John welcomes Marie Slider Henriksen

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The Bunkhouse Podcast, host John welcomes Marie Slider Henriksen · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

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There were times I was looking at myself in the mirror like,
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dude, why are you putting on khakis?
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Where Gunny Holly, who was blown up and killed, who had two
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children. I lived in a reality for about,
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I think 15 years that it should have been me.
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The source of strength has never been you.
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It has always been from somewhere else.
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It's just my belief that mine is from God and I, I choose to rely
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on God. I'm far from perfect.
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I screw up all the time, but my life is at peace.
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I've found at peace past the storm where I am at peace.
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When things got really bad, which they will, we all are
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going to have times in our life where we just can't handle some
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things. To know that reaching out for
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help is an option. It's the same as going to the
1:01
doctor. When you you can't get over the
1:03
common cold and it's turned into something crazy, sinus
1:07
infection, you got to go to a doctor and get medicine.
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It's the same with your mental health.
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Hey, everybody, and welcome back to the Bunkhouse here on
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Military Broadcast Radio where we give veterans a voice.
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We're here live every Monday night at 6:00 PM Eastern Time.
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And with me tonight, I have Marie.
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Marie, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me.
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It's good to be here. Thank you.
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Oh, absolutely. I appreciate you joining me.
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If you really real quick give everybody a quick intro, who you
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are, what you did in the military, and kind of a little
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quick overview of kind of the things that you're doing that
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we'll get into later in the show.
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OK, so Marie Slider Henrickson, I am a recovery and veteran
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advocate. I do podcasting, I host my own
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podcast, Coffee Talk with Brian and Marie where we interview
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veterans and 1st responders, family members and advocates
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kind of, you know, healing out loud PTSD to advocacy.
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I also just help other people to, to process through not
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really processed through, but I encourage people to process
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through their trauma using creativity and community.
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And I connect people to resources.
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I'm not a professional myself. I've just been through a lot of
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trauma and a lot of addictions. And so I just kind of support
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other people in, in finding ways to heal in their own journey.
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I, part of my way of healing is I write, I do poetry a lot and I
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was in the military. I, I'll just give like a real
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quick background of childhood into military.
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I was, I had a rough childhood including foster care, different
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types of abuses, you know, rape and alcohol, drugs, food
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addiction, sex addiction, kind of, you know, went through a lot
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of the different addictions, joined the military, married and
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divorced. I was a medic and deployed to
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Iraq for a year and then I was medically discharged out of the
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Army. I was in the Army from 2006
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until 2011 and deployed to Iraq and with the Third Brigade,
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Second ID out of there's a Stryker brigade out of JBLM or
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Fort Lewis, as it used to be, Joint Base Lewis Mcchord.
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And I as a medic, I was kind of part of the clean up crew.
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And I was also really lost in my addictions back then.
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And so like, I worked hard, but I played even harder, you know,
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and then my hips ended up giving out.
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And so I was medically discharged and then kind of hit
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a really low bottom for many years.
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And I, I went to school, but I was in a very codependent
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alcoholic relationship. I was, you know, very much lost
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in my addictions. And I got sober nine years ago
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and it huh. Say congratulations.
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Thank you. Yeah.
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And in my sobriety, there's been a lot of growth that I've had to
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do that I've. I've dealt with physical
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disabilities, you know, emotional struggles, mental
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disabilities and a big journey of spirituality, you know, to
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get to the point that I'm at today.
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So there's been a lot, a lot of different layers, but that's
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just like a real quick overview snapshot, the fastest I think
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I've ever done of just me. Yeah.
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Yeah. No, thank you for sharing all
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that. I think the first thing I'd like
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to talk about or or kind of get to understand is you said you
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use a lot of creativity and kind of the, the what we would
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consider the arts space, right and, and, and using that.
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So can you talk a little bit about that and how you kind of
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how you got into that and then and what you're kind of doing
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with the arts itself and kind of helping with your healing?
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Yeah, So I have always been creative since I was a child,
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like I was, I was always very creative getting out of my head.
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I kind of, I, I had become a chameleon.
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It's like with people, I didn't feel safe.
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And so I always kind of like put on a show of, of trying to get
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my needs met with other people. And I, I, I, I became very
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codependent and very obsessed with people, but there was stuff
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going on inside that I didn't really quite understand.
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And I used creativity to kind of help me in a lot of different
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ways. And it was like my way of
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creating a beautiful world around me, but also just trying
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to kind of process through the different things that I have
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going on because I didn't have a voice.
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And that creativity kind of grew into like, I was just really
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artsy, you know? And I loved music, but I was
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never really good at it, you know?
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And so when I was 12, my mom put me in choir, basically.
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She said, if you're going to be into music, we're going to make
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you good at it. And so I started doing choir
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1st. And so singing and music became
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one of my favorite ways of creativity for a very long time.
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And you know, I got to a point where I was in the audition
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acapella choirs. And so that was kind of, I was
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feeling very uneasy in life. I, I started with the addictions
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very early. You know, I was 12 and I was
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dealing with some sexual abuse and got into the drugs and the
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alcohol and self harm, food addiction.
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And while I was doing that, I just, I felt miserable.
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And so choir was a way that kind of I was able to feel beauty
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and, and find, find joy in the world and, and just music in and
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of itself. I was actually in a metal band
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for a while too. I played, I played keyboard and
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I did like the backup vocals, you know, But then, you know,
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when I was 17, I was raped and I kind of really lost a lot of
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hope then. And I didn't really know how to
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talk about it. I kind of felt like a split
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personality happened with me where I was living this very
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real adult life. Well, now I've been raped.
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Now I've had sex, you know, kind of got into the addiction part
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of it, you know, hanging out with adults, you know, I'm 18 in
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high school and hanging out with adults.
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But then I'm also trying to live this high school mentality where
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and there's just a lot, lot of confusion.
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You know, I was in choir, I was trying to go to church still
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and, and I was in, I would play Frisbee and stuff like that.
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And I ended up taking a creative writing class and I had this
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teacher who just was phenomenal. And he encouraged me to just
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write. And that kind of opened the door
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to me finding my voice, you know, And so I started writing.
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But kind of, you know, when I joined the military, joining the
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military, I kind of like ran away and I kind of fell away
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from a lot of stuff. But I wrote some poetry or
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wrote, wrote some music, some songs and kind of stayed in
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that. But then when I got out of the
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military and I was just really lost with my PTSD, on top of
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everything else I dealt with as a child, I'm also dealing with
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all of these self worth issues being medically discharged out
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of the military, military. And I was good at it.
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I loved the military. I was in it for about 6 years.
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You know, I loved it, but dealing with a lot of these,
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these these issues and I didn't have a voice again.
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And the addictions became my, my everyday life.
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And so then I decided to start doing photography.
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And this is actually one of my photos.
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I can't really pull my thing, but this is one of my photos.
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And this is a picture I took in Arizona and I fell in love with
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photography. And so it was like, even if I
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don't have a voice and I didn't even recognize that I needed a
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voice or I didn't recognize what was going on, I knew that I
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wanted to find beauty in the world.
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I wanted to to to show people the beauty that I found even
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though I'm feeling miserable. And so photography became my
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thing. And then I got lost in the
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addictions even more and I kind of stopped doing any form of
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creativity for a while. When I finally got sober.
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So January 17th of 2017 is when I got sober.
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And as I started really delving into my mental health stuff and,
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and really delving into finding joy and, and passion in life
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again, because I didn't have it before.
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I was just surviving. I was just existing, you know,
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and, and I was allowing myself to be an object and, and
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everybody else, you know, like I couldn't trust any anyways.
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I just didn't have, I didn't have Lovejoy or connection.
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And so when I finally started opening my heart up to that joy
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and that connection, you know, I started writing again and it was
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like I, God opened up my voice in such a unique way where, you
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know, in high school when I wrote, there was a lot of pain
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and it's very short and, and it wasn't a whole lot going on, you
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know, but I, and I didn't really get into, into a lot of the
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details of what I had going on. But when I got sober, it was
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like, I can talk about the pain and then I can talk about the
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joy. And so it became this like
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chronicle, every poem that I've done, you know, starts out with
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this pain and the story of here is the struggle that I've gone
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through. And here is here is the joy and
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the love and the peace, you know, that I've been able to
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find. And so in doing that, I have
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found my voice. And last year, I, I had this
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feeling where I wanted to share my poetry.
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And so I decided to write a book or, or to compile a book.
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And I had decided to compile this book.
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And I, I had this feeling, you know, that I wanted to get the
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book out there for other people. And, you know, I'll do a
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shameless plug for a second. So my book is called More Me
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Than I Used to be, A Journey to Freedom.
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And it's got my poems, but it's also illustrated by my own
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photography. And the, the point of this book
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is, is to show people hope through creativity, healing
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through creativity and community as well.
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You know, cuz I encourage people to buy the book and pay it
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forward to, to give it to like you can buy a chunk of them and
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donate them into jails, institutions, mental health
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facilities, or to friends and family or whatnot.
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You know, this book is not for me.
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It's for other people to show people, you know, to how to find
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joy and stuff. And as I wrote that book, I got
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into a program that and that I know this is a whole lot and you
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could ask questions. But as I got this book and I was
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getting it together, I had the feeling that I needed to get it.
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I needed to get my story out there more publicly, right?
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Because I've been doing recovery work and sharing my story on an
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individual basis or in recovery rooms, but not out loud right as
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much. And so there's a program called
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the Armed Services Art Partnership.
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And that program is phenomenal. And they introduced me to a
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part. They, they, they host classes
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for different art things for veterans and they had a class
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with a podcaster and his name CQ.
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He is part of the WTF nation radio.
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Well, he's the, he runs it, but CQ, he is awesome.
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He also does pop culture warrior podcast.
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And anyways, just a really good guy and he kind of talked about,
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you know, podcasting and he's like, if you're not ready to
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podcast yourself, go be a guest. And so that led me into being a
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guest on the Everyday's a Saturday podcast, which led me
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to be a Co host with him on the section Coffee talk, which now
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we are our own entity coffee talk with Brian and Marie.
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And so I've been podcasting ever since then and and sharing my
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story on my own podcast and being a guest on other people's
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podcasts. And I'm still writing all the
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time and I've taken multiple classes with the ASAP program,
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you know, the spoken word class and a couple poetry classes and
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it's just been so amazing. And so my whole, my whole thing
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is healing out loud through creativity and community for
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myself, but also, you know, for other people as well and
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encouraging other people to, to find their own creativity as
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well. Yeah, I know.
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I don't remember exactly how we had met originally, but for
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everybody out there listening, I had Marie on and we did one of
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my prerecorded episodes that release each month.
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And actually in September or October, I have to re verify my
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schedule, but I think either September, October reads full
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story on everything, her background, everything you want
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to hear her full story, tune into to my show, my pre, my pre
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recorded releases every month. September, October.
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I'll make sure you get that out there for everybody.
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Get the schedule out there, make sure it's up to date and stuff.
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But yeah, I don't remember exactly how we met, but I know
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we have a lot of common people in our in our circle that are
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podcast hosts as well. And what I've come to realize,
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and especially after I've I've relaunched my show this year,
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really delve into it and strictly only look around mental
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health is I've learned that there's there's a lot of us out
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there that use creativity in some fashion as part of our
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healing. And a lot of us not aren't in
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it. And some people may think it's
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selfish. I used to think it was selfishly
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saying this, but I am I and it's really not because this is, in
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my opinion, the healthy selfishness you have to have for
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your own healing and your own well-being is like, this is this
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helps me with my mental health, just doing these things,
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allowing and talking to other veterans, allowing them to share
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their stories, Right. But yeah.
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It's it's one of those, it's one of those gifts that you can only
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keep if you give it away. Right, right.
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You know. Finding, finding joy and healing
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and sharing your story is the the only way that you get to
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hold on to that healing is to allow other people to do the
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same. And so it is important to do it.
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It's it's one of those things that that there's no way around
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it like it. It is selfish and selfless at
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the same time. Sharing your story and allowing
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other people to share theirs. Yeah, no.
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And, and I, and I say, I say selfish and, and not like the
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negative context that most people when you say people are
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selfish, right? It's, it's I, I do it not only
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because I know it, it helps other veterans to talk and to
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share their stories, but it also helps me talk to veterans cure
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their stories. And I may learn something on
16:42
something that maybe I can start doing different or something I
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can add to my toolbox, you know, or there may be something that I
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can share with one of them on my show and they can learn
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something or the audience can learn from both of us, right?
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Like that's the way I look at it.
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And I think that's what's really good about like what we're doing
16:58
here at military broadcast radio.
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There's a tons of different types of podcasts on, on our
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network. It's not just around like mental
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health. There's all kinds, There's all
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kinds of, if you look at them, you'll see there's so many
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different, different ones. And, and kind of the, the same
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with when you got me introduced to Cavars specifically, like
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that's I, you got me into that, that network and that circle.
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And I actually just had a call with them today about some,
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some, some good at some good advancements and some stuff that
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I'm going to be working on with them directly with the, with the
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Cavars team themselves. And so I'm super excited about
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that. And again, yeah, that's awesome.
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For for those of you who don't know, Cav Arts is another
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program like ASAP and Cav Arts. They, they also encourage the,
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the arts within the veteran community and they have a
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podcasting class and the guys that that run the podcasting
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class are a part of the tip of the Spear, which is a, a podcast
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for veteran podcasters to get together.
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Like we have a really amazing group of veteran podcasters out
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here that are just supporting each other.
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And I love that you have gotten so involved.
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Like are you able to talk about the, the what you guys have
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going on? So no, not yet 'cause we're
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still in the very beginning of the planning phases, so I don't
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want to dive too much into it, but yes, like, like so like like
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Travis, who's OM radio, like he's also part of military
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broadcast radio, but he's also an active member and part of the
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Caviar team too. So I got to work closely with
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him on a couple different areas and and like, you know, also I
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got invited to be on tip of the Spears will be part of that
18:33
team, that round table. So like it, it's it's amazing
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the folks that you can meet that you never thought you would even
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come in contact with, right? There's so much out there, so
18:44
much so like the veteran community, I would say, at least
18:47
over the last year has really expanded in my opinion in like
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the podcasting space and, and, and that type, right.
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And like we've talked about this before is like, I started my
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podcast originally back in early 2022 and there wasn't a lot,
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there were people still doing podcasting better than
19:05
podcasting, but it was a lot more of a like The Who, what I
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would consider high profile type of stories right back then.
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What I love is like with what you do with coffee talk, what
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I'm trying to do with like what a lot of veterans these days,
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we're trying to get the everyday veteran out there sharing their
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story, you know? Because everybody's story
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matters. And like, your, your your story
19:31
can help even just one person. And that might be just you
19:35
tomorrow because you need to Share your story.
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But yeah, that's exactly why we do this, is because your story
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matters too. Yeah, I love that.
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I love that. Yeah.
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And so I think we got a pretty good little spot for a break,
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Maria. And I think when we come back, I
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want to get more into kind of this little bit more if you want
19:58
to go in more depth about the, the, the story behind more than
20:01
I used to be kind of some more detail behind the title of the
20:05
book and, and, and then talk about the book itself, where
20:07
we're going to find it and stuff like that.
20:08
OK, sound good. All right.
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And if everybody out there listening, we will be back in
20:14
about 4 to 5 minutes. Hey, everybody.
24:56
Welcome back to the Bunkhouse here on military broadcast radio
24:59
with me again. I have Marie and before the
25:02
break we talked a little bit about her kind of background,
25:05
what she did in the Army and then how she got into the
25:08
creative space to kind of help with her healing journey.
25:10
And a little bit we she mentioned was a little bit about
25:13
her book and I really want her to really dig in on this one
25:15
now. So her book is called more than
25:17
I Used to Be. Marie, if you could give us a
25:19
little bit of background on the title and a little bit more
25:22
about the book itself. Yeah, so it's actually more me
25:26
than I used to be. A journey to freedom.
25:29
And so I if you will indulge me, I would love to read the poem
25:34
that inspired the book. Yes, please do.
25:37
I just got to get to the page. So give me just one second.
25:40
So my book, as I said before, it is my poetry, but also my my own
25:48
photography. And so more me than I used to
25:51
be. And inside there's some
25:53
different, different photos in there.
25:55
And it's the poems that I have that I started writing in my
26:00
sobriety. And with that, it's the poems up
26:05
until I think it was May last year when it was when it was
26:07
published, something like that. And I'm working on another book
26:10
now because there's been a whole lot more writing in the last
26:14
year. But the whole idea of more me
26:18
than I used to be is for so many years I lost myself, you know,
26:25
like from a very early age, I never really knew who I was.
26:29
I never really felt connected, you know.
26:31
And then over the years I got into the drugs and the alcohol
26:33
and the addictions, food, sex, codependency, all that stuff.
26:37
And I lost me. And when I got sober, you know,
26:41
I, I had a, one of my bishops once told me, because I've been
26:46
through this full emotional, mental, physical and spiritual
26:51
change in my sobriety. And somebody, one of my bishops
26:56
made the comment and said, Marie, some people God molds out
27:01
of clay, but other people like you are made out of marble.
27:07
And when when somebody asked Michelangelo how he created the
27:12
statue of David, he said, I just chipped away what wasn't him.
27:17
And so that's kind of what God has done with me because I just
27:21
kind of like put more and more stone on me and protected
27:24
myself. But I was still there.
27:26
I was still there and I was trying to break out, but I
27:29
couldn't breathe and I was stuck.
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And so as I got sober and chipped away all of these
27:34
layers, I've become more meat. And it's just been in the last
27:37
year since I published this book that I really have gotten even
27:42
even more comfortable and confident in my own skin,
27:45
sharing my story and sharing who I am And, and this poem that I'm
27:53
going to read that, that that inspired the title of the book.
27:56
It's called more me than I used to be.
27:58
And I wrote this at a year sober.
28:00
So I was already feeling better just with that little bit of
28:04
clarity even before I went through all of these.
28:07
Like I've been to the psych unit and, and I, I talked about this
28:10
on, on my, on my episode where I go more into details, but I've
28:14
been in the psych unit multiple times.
28:16
I've been through multiple types of therapy and there's a lot of
28:19
recovery stuff and a lot of spiritual journey and a whole
28:22
lot that I've been through. But even after just a year, I
28:26
knew that I was getting back to myself.
28:30
And so that's what this poem is about.
28:32
And so more me than I used to be.
28:37
Excuse me, All of my life I've collected pieces of varying
28:44
sizes and shapes. I don't know why.
28:46
I held some close and others I hid behind drapes.
28:51
Some people offered me distorted pieces and as a hoarder, I
28:54
couldn't see that even though they were part of a puzzle, they
28:58
didn't belong to me. They were part of someone else's
29:02
picture. Usually those who are trying to
29:05
hand them over to me instead of by their own box abiding like
29:10
them. I2 offered pieces to others
29:12
along my path. And as I'm learning to step
29:15
back, sometimes I have to laugh. There are some holes inside that
29:19
make the picture hard to see and other places I forced the shape
29:24
of a distorted figure of me. I know the image I manipulated
29:29
as not the one God made, for He created everything beautiful,
29:33
just the way they were laid. At some point I looked in other
29:37
boxes wishing mine was different.
29:40
So I started mixing up our pieces, creating something
29:43
magnificent. I started forcing pieces
29:47
together, throwing others away, stealing some from other people.
29:50
And my picture changed every day.
29:53
Where I'm at now is trying to get back to the box that is
29:56
mine, alone and with the help of other people, God's will is
30:00
being shown. I'm learning how to pick up
30:03
pieces, the ones I tried to hide by giving them to other people
30:07
or thrown away in pride and giving them back to their
30:12
owners. So oh sorry, I'm letting go of
30:17
the distorted ones that don't fit anywhere and giving them
30:20
back to their owner so their box won't be so bare.
30:24
God painted the picture on my box to be the way he desired and
30:29
I'm done trying to change things.
30:30
It makes me just too tired. Slowly but surely as I get
30:35
things in order, I know one day I'll find the picture that God
30:39
had planned for me that got lost in my mind.
30:42
Pieces are finally fitting together in the way I know He
30:47
wants. He's telling me I'll be OK in my
30:50
heart and in my thoughts. The only thing I know for sure
30:54
is I'm more me than I used to be.
30:57
And I know the final piece of art is more perfect than eyes
31:01
can see. Well, that's awesome.
31:04
I love that. And I love how before you
31:09
started reading about the when Michelangelo was asked about how
31:12
he carved the the statue of David is he just took the pieces
31:16
the way that weren't him anymore, right?
31:17
Like, I think that's, I think that's a great way to look at
31:21
like our healing journeys, even for ourselves, is you take away
31:25
the pieces that aren't you. It's not necessarily that
31:30
they're bad or anything like that.
31:32
It's just who do you want to be and what things are there that
31:37
no longer kind of align with who you're wanting to be, right?
31:41
And and find ways to be able to strip that away.
31:44
That's that's awesome. That's why I wrote that poem as
31:48
like a puzzle, because, you know, I was, I was given this
31:51
puzzle when I was born. I had this picture that God had
31:54
planned for me when I was born. But just like in the four
31:57
agreements, right, You know, I took on other people's ideas and
32:01
their agreements. And then I had to try to
32:03
manipulate things to protect myself.
32:05
So I stole some things from other people.
32:08
And and I I tried to force myself to be what other people
32:11
wanted and stealing their pieces and getting rid of the ones that
32:14
I didn't think that I wanted and, and all of this stuff.
32:17
And then finally it's like, yeah, like I force this picture
32:20
of me that wasn't me. It wasn't me.
32:23
It wasn't who I wanted to be. And somewhere inside I knew it
32:27
even though I couldn't feel it, you know?
32:30
And so so now I'm getting back to that picture on the puzzle
32:33
that is me. And I'm feeling like, what's
32:36
really crazy? OK, I got to tell you this.
32:38
I had my 20 year high school reunion two weeks ago.
32:42
OK, I feel old. But anyway, so the craziest
32:47
thing is like I was talking to somebody who I haven't seen in
32:49
20 years and he's like, he's like, you know, you were one of
32:52
the least. Oh, how did he say it?
32:56
The least changes of appearance that I've seen.
32:59
And I was like, dude, if you only knew me nine years ago,
33:03
like you would be saying something completely different
33:05
because I have changed so much because I went through, you
33:09
know, military and, and like, very crude and lewd, you know,
33:14
and then after the military dyed my hair blue, purple, turquoise,
33:17
and then, you know, almost shaving my hair off.
33:21
Like I've literally had sides shaved and short on the top for
33:24
a while. And I got up to £250.
33:27
And, you know, like I've gone through all of these different
33:29
changes, but like where I'm at now, I look more like I did in
33:33
high school that I did 510 years ago, you know?
33:38
And so it's like the craziest thing because I really am
33:42
getting back to me, you know? And it's, oh, it's just a crazy,
33:46
crazy thing. Like I, I put a picture side by
33:49
side of me, me now and me in high school, and I look almost
33:53
identical, but you put a picture of me 10 years ago.
33:56
And it's like, who the heck is this person, you know, like I
33:59
was so swollen, I was so depressed.
34:02
I didn't have light in my eyes, you know, and, and that's The
34:07
thing is I actually feel light and I see light now.
34:10
And I'm able to share light with other people now.
34:14
And yeah, it's just interesting to to go through these different
34:19
layers. And, and I'm still going through
34:21
the layers, you know, still going through the layers, you
34:24
know, talking to my therapist today, finding out I actually
34:27
have OCD on top of everything else, you know, and like, I'm
34:30
still learning these different layers because, you know, as I
34:34
process through a lot of the trauma, there's a lot of
34:37
positive coping skills that I have now.
34:39
But yet my brain still obsesses over these negative things.
34:43
And so then I doubt my progress. And it's like, oh, no, I'm just
34:47
a little obsessive. Like, OK, now how can I
34:50
challenge this layer? It's a new layer, you know?
34:53
And so it's just, it's, it's interesting.
34:57
I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but that's the
34:59
best way. It's just interesting.
35:01
And, and I, I want to say this too, you know, I feel more me,
35:08
but that's not saying that my life is perfect.
35:11
And I have to say this, you know, as, as I've, I've talked
35:14
about on some of my other podcasts and I think I talked
35:17
about with, with the other episode with you, you know, I
35:21
still struggle with a lot again, of those obsessive thoughts.
35:25
Like my most recent psych unit was back in December.
35:28
I did a PTSD program in January. And on top of that, I have a lot
35:32
of physical, physical problems. I've, I've diagnosed hypermobile
35:36
Eller Stanlow syndrome. I've had to get my hips
35:38
replaced. I have to wear knee, ankle and
35:40
foot orthotics on a daily basis. I just had to get a
35:43
hysterectomy, which brought up a lot of childhood trauma.
35:48
A lot of, you know, like just personal trauma cause I've never
35:51
had kids, always wanted to have kids and, and didn't know who I
35:56
was without the ability to have kids, even though I've chosen
35:59
not to have them. And you know, there's a lot of
36:02
layers that are still coming up that I'm processing through.
36:06
But the difference is as I'm facing them now and I'm able to
36:10
feel peace in the pain and I'm able to find joy and comfort
36:14
regardless of the shit that I go through.
36:16
And I have, I have solutions now because my solution to my
36:21
internal problem was always drugs, alcohol or other people
36:26
and food. And today those are my answers.
36:29
My answers today are diving into things and talking about it and
36:33
praying about it and writing about it.
36:35
And, and I have solutions today for my struggles.
36:38
And that is where I'm, I'm becoming more me because I, I'm
36:43
not a slave to these outside things that, that, you know,
36:47
they became, they were a solution that I chose, right?
36:51
But then they became a problem because I became obsessive over
36:54
them. Yeah.
36:55
And so I'm just grateful for where I'm at today.
36:59
I I, I love how you're, how you're talking about your growth
37:02
and there's still struggles that you go through on a daily basis.
37:06
There's still things that you have to fight through and to
37:09
push through, but you, you found ways to not fall back into those
37:14
those times like times past, right?
37:17
And I think that's one of the biggest things that I, I've
37:20
tried to do. And I know a lot of us that are
37:22
in in kind of the podcasting space specifically, like it
37:26
healing isn't a one time session or a one time program and you're
37:32
all of a sudden fixed, right? And if you come out the other
37:36
side and feel like you're not fixed because you went through
37:38
this inpatient treatment, you can never be fixed.
37:41
Like one of the things like, like, I think you put it really
37:43
good, like with how, how you go through Dave and still today
37:47
struggling is it's, it's a lifelong healing, right?
37:50
It's a lifelong process. The things that you do, like the
37:54
sessions that you've been through, the PTSD clinics and in
37:57
the site clinics and stuff like that, is those are just tools to
37:59
get you to a better place, right as you go along the journey.
38:04
And then and, and I think as veterans, once we can accept
38:09
that there's not going to be an actual fix to us, right?
38:14
In a sense to mean like there's going to, they're going to wave
38:16
a magic wand and all of our bad dreams go away.
38:19
All of the things that happened to us go away.
38:21
Like that's not, that's not realistic.
38:23
And once we can accept that, because a lot of us, that's what
38:26
we expect going into some of these treatments is everything's
38:29
just going to go away magically, right?
38:33
But if we can accept that, you know, and it it's that's the
38:38
first step to healing is accepting those types of things
38:42
and finding the the pieces that you've learned that help you
38:45
move past and not fall back into the past times.
38:48
Right, Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Sorry, I didn't mean.
38:50
No, you're good. I, I get excited about this kind
38:53
of topic because this is, this is just so poignant for me,
38:57
right? A lot of people think that when
39:00
you get sober or like, like what you were saying, you go through
39:04
these clinics, it's like, OK, I need to be healed right now.
39:07
And the reality is like, no, it's just you learn how to
39:10
handle things better, like, and, and, and somebody says, you
39:14
know, things, things don't get better, they get different.
39:18
Because that's The thing is, it's not that that anything is
39:21
really wrong or anything is really right.
39:24
You just learn how to handle them better.
39:26
You know, like something that I like to say, and especially as
39:30
I've gotten this book and as I'm doing the podcasting is my story
39:34
never changed. I became a different
39:37
storyteller. I learned how to handle things
39:40
better. I learned how to word things
39:41
better. I learned how to see different
39:43
perspectives. But I have to have, you know,
39:45
there's in recovery talk about that we have a daily reprieve
39:48
contingent on our spiritual condition, OK.
39:51
And spiritual, I don't care what you call God.
39:54
I don't care who you go to for a higher power.
39:56
You know, God can handle whatever name that you call him.
39:59
You know, and the reality is whatever higher power there
40:02
there is out there, getting out of yourself and realizing that
40:06
you are not in control of people, places and things, that
40:09
is the most important. And once you can do that, it
40:14
just helps you let go of so much.
40:19
Hope you let go of just so much and it, and it, it takes off
40:22
pressure off of your chest, you know, and it allows that space
40:26
where you learn how to handle things better, right?
40:30
And so, so the, the, the daily reprieve, daily reprieve with
40:35
the spiritual condition, right. And so with that, I have learned
40:40
that I have to utilize so much help.
40:43
You know, I've got my church, I'm very, very conservative
40:45
Christian. I'm Mormon, you know, Church of
40:47
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
40:49
I am very active in my church now.
40:51
I fell away for a long time and then got active in it again, you
40:54
know, had to let go of other people's journeys and realize
40:59
that this is between me and God. You know, I also have my
41:02
recovery groups that I go to. I try to go to at least one
41:06
meeting every week. And I also have my veteran
41:09
groups that I go to. And I also have my therapy.
41:13
And so it's like I am making sure that I am consistently
41:17
taking care of myself on many different layers.
41:20
I pray every single day and I try to write every single day.
41:24
You know, I have to continue to do these things to help me
41:30
today. Where I'm at and, and, and where
41:33
I get in danger is when I start isolating and I start trying to
41:36
do things on my own and then I just fall right back into old
41:41
patterns, which can lead me into relapses.
41:44
Now, thank God, I have not relapsed into the drugs or the
41:47
alcohol or the over sexualization, but I have
41:50
relapsed into bulimia And I, I have struggled with that and,
41:55
and I, I struggle with, you know, using other things like
41:58
like scrolling 50, 50 hours a day even though there's not 50
42:02
hours, but you know what I mean? You know.
42:05
But I have to continue continue working on myself all the time
42:10
and it is exhausting and I know it's exhausting and like it is.
42:14
It is fine if you have to take breaks.
42:16
You know, I talk about this on on most of my podcasts that I've
42:19
been on is it's OK if you need to take breaks.
42:22
You know, there will always be more weights that you can put on
42:27
to help you build spiritual muscles.
42:30
But we do need rest days. And so doing that is OK, but you
42:35
have to have some form of maintenance or you will lose
42:37
your muscles, your spiritual muscles, your emotional muscles
42:40
and your physical muscles. And so I try to do that as often
42:44
as I can. Yeah.
42:46
No, I think that's awesome. And again, it's being honest
42:50
with yourself up front. And like foremost is, is, is the
42:54
biggest piece in in being able to identify when you're starting
42:58
to have those times that you start getting or noticing that
43:02
you're getting into those bad habits again and being able to
43:06
stop them before they really get take before they really take
43:09
off, right. And it's, that's, that just in
43:12
itself is that shows healing, right?
43:15
And, and, and I think a lot of the stuff that you're doing and,
43:18
and taking the brakes and, and taking time for yourself, like
43:21
that's the healthy selfishness that we were talking about in
43:24
the first segment, right? As you have to prioritize
43:27
yourself before anything else, Like, because if you don't
43:31
prioritize yourself and you're healthy and taking care of
43:36
yourself, you can't take care of your family, you can't take care
43:38
of your kids. You can take care of the people
43:40
around you that depend on you, right?
43:42
Because again, like it's going to become so overbearing that
43:44
like something is going to fail, you know?
43:47
And so that's why I say there is a health healthy selfishness
43:51
that you have to take take an account for it and and make sure
43:55
you're doing the things that work and make you better, right?
44:00
All right, we're going to take another quick break about a cup,
44:02
about 3 minute break. And then when we come back, I
44:05
want to talk about more of the stuff that you're getting into
44:07
you with some of the local nonprofits and in connecting
44:09
other veterans with resources and other organizations on how,
44:12
how you can help them and them. So just different resources they
44:15
can get into. All right.
44:16
So again, we'll be back here in about 3 minutes.
47:18
Hey everybody, welcome back to the Bunkhouse here on Military
47:21
Broadcast Radio where we give veterans a voice.
47:23
And before the break, Marie was explaining a little bit more in
47:26
depth about her book and where what kind of led to the title.
47:30
And she even read one of her one of the poems from the book.
47:33
And we'll make sure that we have all the information on how to
47:36
get her book, where to get it from and stuff like that.
47:38
We'll make that. We'll put that in all the
47:39
comments sections everywhere we're posted here.
47:41
So make sure and get that out there to everybody.
47:44
But now what I I know you get you do a lot of involvement and
47:48
in getting veterans kind of aligned to other resources,
47:51
other groups and stuff like that.
47:53
I like definitely let you talk about some of those
47:55
organizations and some of those groups kind of what can they do
47:59
and how can you help them out. Yeah, so there's a couple
48:02
different layers with that. And part of it is just in
48:07
general, I am connected to a lot of my local organizations and so
48:12
I go and I table at events. Like on Saturday I was just with
48:16
the Marine writers. They they were having an event.
48:18
So I set up a table just talking about the different resources
48:21
that I'm connected to and talking about my book and
48:23
talking about recovery from trauma and addictions.
48:27
And they went on their ride and then I just hung out with them
48:31
and chatted with them for a while.
48:32
And I've been to multiple other organizations, you know, events
48:36
and doing that. And so I'll do that where I
48:40
actually go to events. And also what I do is I connect
48:44
people and organizations. So as I've been podcasting, I
48:49
have received a lot of information of different
48:51
programs, podcasts, you know, nonprofits for profits, you
48:56
know, a lot of different organizations.
48:59
And then just being connected to my local community.
49:02
And So what I do is like networking and advocacy calls.
49:07
And so people will call me and it'll either be an individual
49:11
saying, Hey, this is what I'm struggling with, or this is what
49:14
I want to get connected to. And I'll talk to them about my
49:17
own journey. And I, I put up the caveat all
49:20
the time. I am not a professional.
49:22
This is just my experiences. Here is what I have utilized and
49:26
it could work for you. And oh, by the way, here are
49:29
these organizations that I've heard about you do your own
49:32
research on them, you know, and decide what will work for you.
49:35
But based on our conversation, let me get you connected with
49:38
these resources. And so that is one layer of it.
49:42
The second layer is organizations will contact me
49:45
and say, hey, this is what I have available and I would like
49:49
to get connected with other resources.
49:52
I would like to partner with them or I would just like to be
49:55
available for you to, to let other people know, right.
50:00
And then there's also the, the layer of just me as a veteran
50:04
and as somebody in recovery, I attend some of these
50:08
organizations and, and they're different groups and stuff like
50:12
that. Just for myself.
50:13
I've been on different retreats, the PTSD program, you know, I go
50:17
to monthly dinners and bowling nights and movie nights and
50:22
stuff like that just for myself. And so there's all of these
50:25
different layers and as I was getting to know a lot of these
50:29
different organizations and, and my local community, I kind of
50:34
had it in my mind that I was like, you know, most often than
50:39
not when I am talking to a veteran about a resource,
50:42
they're like, oh, I didn't know that was available.
50:43
I didn't know that was available.
50:45
I didn't know that was available.
50:46
And I get that all the time. And so then I started realizing
50:50
like, why is this stuff not so readily available?
50:54
And especially for veterans that are getting out of the military,
50:58
there are so many that they don't know which way to turn.
51:01
I was one of the very few very blessed and lucky ones that got
51:05
medically discharged. So I was already within the VA
51:08
system, so I already had some contact.
51:12
But there's so many people that are getting out and they have no
51:14
knowledge of what resources are available through the VBA, which
51:18
a lot of people don't understand.
51:19
There's a difference too. There's the VBA, the Veteran
51:23
Benefits Administration, the VHA, the Veterans Health
51:26
Administration, and then you've got civilian organizations and
51:31
nonprofits or veteran run organizations.
51:35
And so there's these three big layers and some of them overlap,
51:38
but they're all separate. And there's just, there's,
51:41
there's not a lot, not a really good way to, to, I can't think
51:47
of the word coordinate them or to navigate them.
51:51
There's not a real good job at navigating them.
51:54
And I know that other programs in the past have worked on
51:56
trying to find a way to navigate that and to get information, you
52:00
know, into the hands of the service members transitioning.
52:03
But I had this idea. I, I have started what I call
52:07
the veteran database think tank. And I had this idea.
52:11
I don't have the energy to run shit.
52:13
I don't I, and this is one of the things I will say this and
52:17
yell it. I am not officially a part of
52:19
any organization except for my own organization, Slider Babe
52:23
and my podcast Coffee Talk. OK.
52:25
I am not officially in charge of anybody.
52:29
I'm not officially affiliated with anybody.
52:31
I am just me because I'd like to be able to tell everybody every
52:36
all of the organizations that are available, but I also just
52:40
don't have the energy to run anything.
52:42
And So what I have done is I have gotten about 10 different
52:46
organizations with about 10 other ones that are kind of like
52:49
watching what's going on. And we meet up once a month and
52:52
we are working on a database that is going to bring together
52:56
all of the organizations. So it's going to be an
53:00
interactive map. And we already have the basic
53:04
kind of started. You know, Chris Conway is, is
53:07
the guy's name that is that is doing the actual, all the
53:11
technical stuff and he is amazing.
53:13
Shout out to him. But we are going to have an
53:16
interactive map that has access to the VBA, the benefits
53:21
administration, the VHA and a lot of these nonprofit
53:25
organizations and for profit organizations.
53:27
It's going to have the VS OS, it's going to have a section for
53:31
online resources and podcasts and stuff like that.
53:35
And it's going to be, it's going to have its internal, its own
53:38
internal ratings system where people who visit the
53:41
organizations will say this was helpful, this was not.
53:45
And so it'll be like that. We also, as we put the
53:48
organizations on there and we will send an e-mail to the
53:51
organization where they can contact us to make changes and
53:55
updates and, and stuff like that.
53:56
So we're going to get them involved with it as well.
53:59
And our whole hope and goal is to get this into the hands of
54:03
the transitional assistance program in the military.
54:07
And so that when people are getting out of the military,
54:10
they get this like when they're going through TAPS, they can be
54:13
like, hey, here is this resource that's available.
54:15
So people can't have that excuse of I didn't know anymore.
54:20
We wanted to be at their fingerprints at their
54:22
fingertips. So when they say, hey, this is
54:25
where I'm moving to, we can say, oh, here is this map.
54:29
Look at the here and here is what a lot of the organizations.
54:32
We know that it's not going to be perfect.
54:34
We know that it's not going to have everybody in it.
54:37
And we know that it's going to be a long process getting it
54:40
together and we're going to be utilizing AI scraping the
54:43
Internet and and a lot of stuff. There's going to be some
54:45
mistakes and it's going to take a few years for it to actually
54:48
get, you know, get very be well ran.
54:52
We understand that. But the idea is just to have
54:55
something there that is available for people so that we
54:59
don't have that excuse anymore, you know, and so that's kind of
55:02
what we're working on right now. So if you are interested in, in
55:05
making sure that your organization is on there, if
55:08
you're interested in helping us to, to get this collaborated, if
55:12
you are interested in helping us get it into the hands of the Dow
55:16
and all that stuff, you know, contact me, you can e-mail me
55:20
Maria, sliderbabe.com, you know, sliderbabe.com, if you, you can
55:25
schedule a, a networking call with me there and I can send you
55:30
all the information for the monthly meeting.
55:33
We're hoping to go live next June with it and we're, we're
55:38
working on it. But sliderbabe.com is also where
55:41
you can just schedule a networking call with me if you
55:44
have a resource you would like me to share to individuals or if
55:48
you are an individual looking for resources.
55:50
Now, I work a lot with veterans. I specialize with veterans
55:54
because I am a veteran, but I will talk with anybody who has
55:59
trauma and addictions, you know, and, and that is the thing that
56:02
I do is like, I am just a sick mofo out here helping other sick
56:07
mofos. That is, that is what I, I try
56:09
to do, not a professional. I am just a peer.
56:12
I don't even have a peer support specialist, you know,
56:14
certification. It is literally just me saying,
56:17
hey, here's how I have been able to stay alive and stay sober
56:22
through a lot of shit. And let me help you be
56:26
introduced to organizations that might help you.
56:30
You know that that's awesome. I, I loved it.
56:32
I love that you're doing it. And I think what you're working
56:35
on with that kind of consolidated resource kind of
56:38
platform, I think is like that's way overdue for somebody to
56:43
start putting that together, right?
56:45
Because we all know and, and I'm glad you brought this up to you,
56:49
is, is trying to get that once it goes live, getting it out to
56:51
you like the transition readiness seminars and stuff
56:54
across the department of War. And I, because again, we all
56:57
know like it's a very check in the box style of, of kind of
57:02
classes, if you even want to call them real classes for a
57:05
week at most, 5, five days at most.
57:07
And that's the longest that you go.
57:09
It's like for me, I went through the retirement seminar because
57:13
of my transition out with my medical board and stuff like
57:16
that. And I already also already had
57:19
like a, a job lined up. And so literally I went for a
57:22
day and I learned what the VA is, but that was about it.
57:25
I gave it got like the website to the VA, but that was really
57:28
about it. There wasn't a whole lot that
57:29
they really went into that for, nor do they really give you a
57:32
list of other resources once you get out.
57:35
And I think that is invaluable to to veterans.
57:40
And then like you said, transitioning service members
57:42
getting out is like, because again, we joke about this and,
57:46
and, and we kind of say it kind of tongue in cheek.
57:48
Sometimes it's like you don't know what you don't know, but
57:50
it's, but it's the honest truth. And, and if you don't know that
57:54
there's resources out there because there's resources out
57:58
there that are nationwide, You're right.
58:01
There's like the major, like a lot of the major, like
58:03
organizations that do stuff all across the United States, But
58:06
then there's also like small local resources that people
58:09
don't even know about. Those are favorites.
58:11
Those are favorites. I love it, Yeah.
58:15
Yeah. So no, I, I am, I love what
58:17
you're doing with that. And, and I can't wait to, to be
58:19
able to bring you back on when that starts getting more into
58:23
the, I want to bring you back on.
58:24
And we're going to talk specifically about that only in,
58:27
in the future. I, I really want to bring you
58:28
back on to get that more out there because I think that's a,
58:31
that's an amazing thing. Yeah, I'm, I'm excited about it.
58:34
It's it's going to be good. You know, and, and like I've had
58:37
conversations with people before, like we learn how to be
58:40
a soldier. We go to basic training, but we
58:42
don't learn how to be a civilian or a veteran.
58:45
And so, you know, there's some really awesome organizations.
58:48
I'm going to name drop one for for a second as stick vet.
58:51
OK, if you get a chance, look up stick vet and stick vet.
58:55
He was a mental at a combat mental health specialist that
58:59
creates a comic of the demons that we when we get out.
59:04
And then he has what's called Stick Nation on discord.
59:07
And with that, he hosts what he calls not a counseling groups.
59:11
And in those not a counseling groups, it's basically peer
59:14
support, teaching us how to be veterans and teaching us how to
59:18
support each other and teaching us how to speak what we have
59:22
going on and not be consumed by our trauma and and teaching us
59:26
how to actually embrace the warrior spirit.
59:29
Not just I was in the military, now I'm not, but actually, what
59:32
is that that warrior spirit? So, so Travis land child stick
59:36
vet, he's amazing. He just traveled the whole
59:38
country and came and visited me personally and a couple other
59:41
people all over the country. Really good guy.
59:44
But there are resources like that out there where people are
59:47
teaching you how to be a veteran.
59:50
And I think that it would benefit, you know, the military
59:53
at some point to have a class of here is how you become a
59:56
civilian. Here is how you become military.
59:59
Not just here's the basic check boxes, but actually like
1:00:02
teaching us how to do it. And I I wanted to say with the.
1:00:07
The database, right, I know that there are other programs that
1:00:11
have created similar things. I've actually, I had one person,
1:00:14
you know, contact me and said, hey, we have basically the same
1:00:17
thing for veterans of first responders.
1:00:19
So I have him contacted. He's, he has, he's talking with
1:00:23
Chris to try and see how we can either copy some of the things
1:00:26
or we can collaborate, connect to it.
1:00:29
So if you have a database like this, we know that that other
1:00:33
people are having these ideas, but it hasn't become super well
1:00:37
known yet. So come join forces with us.
1:00:41
Let's connect our databases together.
1:00:43
Tell us what you have done that has failed.
1:00:45
Tell us what you have done that succeeded.
1:00:47
And you know, we're not in competition.
1:00:50
We are all out here trying to help the next person.
1:00:52
So, so contact me, you know, let's let's collaborate.
1:00:57
No, absolutely. Again, I, I love that.
1:01:00
That's one thing I've learned about the veteran community
1:01:01
teachers real quick before we, before we kind of start wrapping
1:01:04
things up. One thing I've really learned
1:01:05
about the veteran community, especially the online presence
1:01:08
of the veteran community, like nobody is out there trying to
1:01:12
outdo one another. Everybody is trying.
1:01:15
You can't say nobody because they're OK everywhere and I've
1:01:17
had. People trying to I.
1:01:19
Will say most people. I will say I, I guess I've been
1:01:23
very fortunate with the, the network that I've started to
1:01:26
build around me and getting incorporated into that has not
1:01:31
been the attitude, right? They've been very like nobody's
1:01:34
trying to outdo anybody. At least again, that's my
1:01:37
experiences. The ones that I've been, I've
1:01:38
been around with so far. The majority, I should say then
1:01:43
maybe not everyone, but I would say the majority, they're not
1:01:45
out there trying to outdo one another.
1:01:47
They're out there to collaborate, support each other,
1:01:49
get the messages out there right there.
1:01:51
It's, it's, it's a big family, an online family really.
1:01:55
It's been, it's been wonderful. There has been some amazing,
1:01:58
amazing support, but I just have to say that there are the
1:02:01
assholes out there. And, and as you are healing and
1:02:04
especially I want to say this for like people who are trying
1:02:07
to heal out loud, right as you're trying to heal out loud,
1:02:11
whether it be podcasting or singing or writing or whatever
1:02:15
it is, as you're healing out loud, there are assholes
1:02:17
everywhere, but I promise you that is not the majority.
1:02:21
So, so try to push that to the side and keep going and keep
1:02:25
following. And that's, that's the, that's
1:02:27
the biggest piece of advice that I can do is follow your heart,
1:02:30
follow your higher power and keep healing regardless of what
1:02:34
your brain says and regardless of what other people may do.
1:02:38
Because there really is so many people out there that want to
1:02:41
heal and want to support you. And you know, like, like John
1:02:44
was saying, you know, there's the majority is just super,
1:02:48
super supportive. We're not out there fighting.
1:02:51
We're out there trying to help each other.
1:02:52
And so keep fighting through the bullshit, keep fighting through
1:02:56
your own mind's bullshit, and just keep healing.
1:03:01
Absolutely. Again, Marie, thank you so much
1:03:04
for sharing everything about your background kind of what got
1:03:07
you to where you are a little bit and then your book.
1:03:11
I can't wait to hear about your new book.
1:03:13
Once you get to a point where we can really start talking about
1:03:15
it. I'm going to have you on again.
1:03:16
We're going to talk about that one too.
1:03:17
Like just that, that's that's and again, that's what we do
1:03:20
here. We, we support each other,
1:03:21
promote each other, help each other through, through the
1:03:24
growth and the journey, you know, and then and then for
1:03:26
everybody out there, if you want to get in contact or just look
1:03:29
Maria up again, you can go to sliderbabe.com, get all of her
1:03:33
information, all the platforms, social platforms, she's a part
1:03:35
of podcasts. She's a part of all those
1:03:37
resources and everything as well.
1:03:39
And then for again, everybody out there listening, go out
1:03:41
there, follow us on YouTube, on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook,
1:03:45
LinkedIn, wherever you can find us.
1:03:47
Try to go out there and follow us, share us, make some
1:03:49
comments, give me some feedback. Let me know what you think.
1:03:51
Let me know if there's anything that you want me to talk about
1:03:53
or any other guests that you want me to bring on.
1:03:56
And then one thing I always like to close out with, if there's
1:03:58
anybody out there listening and again, not just veteran
1:04:01
specific, but just anybody out there that's struggling feels
1:04:05
alone. Please know that you're not
1:04:07
reach out. You dial 988 to the the crisis
1:04:10
hotline, dial 1, dial 1 after to get to the veteran specific
1:04:14
crisis hotline. There's also out there a 1800
1:04:16
number to get out there for anybody that's hard of hearing
1:04:19
as well. So again, again, you're not
1:04:22
alone out there. And as always, be to lighten
1:04:24
someone's dark hi. I'm beaker with military
1:04:29
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1:04:34
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1:04:41
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