Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / She Was Terrified To Speak — Now The World Listens Ft. Thapi Semenya

Transcript

She Was Terrified To Speak — Now The World Listens Ft. Thapi Semenya · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

• 0:00
  I don't like being perceived, you know, stand up, say something.
• 0:03
  I'm going to use my voice to empower other people who couldn't get those platforms to do so.
• 0:09
  Sometimes you feel like I can't do this anymore.
• 0:11
  I started off as a diabetes advocate.
• 0:12
  I got diagnosed with bipolar.
• 0:14
  Music has literally saved me.
• 0:16
  It saved my life.
• 0:17
  How does that feel?
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  Even when things happen to me, I'm like, God will guide me.
• 0:21
  We've been so robbed as black women of our own knowing.
• 0:25
  I don't believe in gay keeping.
• 0:27
  I always want to do me tapy and more.
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  I'm going to open that door.
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  Don't let anybody stop on YouTube.
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  It will come true.
• 0:31
  What makes you feel most alive?
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  You know, you can't just be passive.
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  Use your voice.
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  Like, people are willing to listen.
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  It may feel like I am in the best of moods right now,
• 0:40
  but I'm going through the modes.
• 0:42
  What does the soul mean to you?
• 0:44
  So the soul means...
• 0:45
  Music
• 0:56
  I am so privileged and honored to be sitting beside a trailblazer,
• 1:00
  a changemaker, a speaker, a voice, a visionary,
• 1:04
  who I'm so excited for you to learn more about.
• 1:07
  I want to welcome with the most open arms,
• 1:09
  Tubby to the soul salon.
• 1:11
  Ah, Tubby Seminia.
• 1:13
  What a gift.
• 1:13
  You have been such a gift to learn from study,
• 1:17
  research, your work, and your wisdom.
• 1:19
  So I'm just so grateful to be sitting here beside you.
• 1:21
  Thank you for having me, honey.
• 1:22
  Thank you so much.
• 1:23
  I'm so honored to be here.
• 1:24
  It's okay, yeah.
• 1:26
  Thank you, oh my word, that's so beautiful.
• 1:28
  So the first question I would love to ask you
• 1:30
  because this is the soul salon.
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  Is what does the soul mean to you?
• 1:34
  So the soul means feeling alive.
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  It's like having a purpose.
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  And I always say to people, you know,
• 1:40
  my journey as a whole is always about, you know,
• 1:44
  keeping that purpose in mind.
• 1:46
  And every time to know that it's a purpose,
• 1:48
  like every time I'm like, oh, I'm taking a break.
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  I'm not doing this anymore.
• 1:51
  Someone is going to fetch me and say,
• 1:53
  oh, can I get help on 123?
• 1:55
  And that's how I know that's my purpose.
• 1:57
  So yeah, the alignment,
• 2:00
  the having the purpose aspect as well.
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  Ooh, alignment is a word that I,
• 2:04
  like, resonate so deeply with my spirit.
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  And it takes a lot of reflection
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  to deeply align and not align to who you've been told.
• 2:12
  Yeah. You should be.
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  And so that's really inspiring and resonates with me.
• 2:16
  And I know we'll, with our audience.
• 2:18
  I love to sort of tap into that.
• 2:21
  When it comes to alignment, what makes you feel?
• 2:23
  You just mentioned purpose and coming back to this mission,
• 2:26
  you have like, what makes you feel most alive?
• 2:29
  Ooh, dancing, eh?
• 2:31
  I love to dance and music as a whole.
• 2:34
  Like, I feel like music has literally saved me.
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  It saved my life so many times.
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  And I thought, you know, I can't do this anymore.
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  Like, I need a moment.
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  You know, I'll just put on my earphones.
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  And I was like, okay, the song is doing the most.
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  And I'm actually resonating with it.
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  So I'm very grateful for the artists
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  who are putting out music.
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  It is healing me.
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  And I'm definitely to be able to listen.
• 2:57
  Life-changing really saves you.
• 3:00
  Yes, I love that.
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  When you said music,
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  saves, has saved your life so many times.
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  Oh, and what are, like,
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  tuning into that vibration,
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  the lyrics, the dancing,
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  the movement.
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  I love that.
• 3:09
  Oh, my goodness, wow.
• 3:11
  When you just said,
• 3:12
  you said sometimes you feel like
• 3:13
  I can't do this anymore.
• 3:15
  So what makes you feel that way?
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  What are those challenges that have stopped you?
• 3:19
  So for me, it's doubt,
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  some doubt, number one.
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  But I've had the privilege of having so many people
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  believe in me and my family,
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  you know, my godparents,
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  my parents' friends,
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  who I feel like are my aunts and uncles.
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  But also just the whole aspect of feeling like
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  it's not, like, it's not for me.
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  You know, there's some things you just,
• 3:41
  you just realize, actually,
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  this is not for me.
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  I don't want this anymore, you know.
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  And that's when I feel like,
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  yeah, no, this needs to go, actually.
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  So it goes back to alignment
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  because then it doesn't align with who I want to be.
• 3:53
  Yes.
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  And, you know,
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  I've recently learned
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  that trusting your intuition is so important.
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  Oh, my gosh.
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  I used to doubt this.
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  And this year,
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  everything I've said has actually happened.
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  And I was like,
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  oh, yeah, actually,
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  trust your intuition.
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  Yeah.
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  Let's, you know what you want for yourself.
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  And I think deep down in your heart
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  when you have those reflection moments,
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  you're like, yeah, actually,
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  like, this is just not the way I want my life to be.
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  Oh, this aligns with my life.
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  Even though it may seem difficult,
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  it will happen.
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  And I'm very big on, you know,
• 4:26
  five-year plans.
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  What I've written down five years
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  is exactly what I'm living today.
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  Really?
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  Yeah.
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  Oh, my word.
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  You asked my one friend,
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  we were literally at UJ.
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  In my room.
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  And I was like,
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  one day I'm going to move to Cape Town.
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  And it was,
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  I remember,
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  my mom used to be a gangster.
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  She used to be like,
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  actually, because I'm an only child.
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  She used to hate the idea
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  of me moving to Cape Town.
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  And then I got a job.
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  And I was like, yeah, moving to Cape Town.
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  And she was actually very happy for me.
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  And I was like, yeah,
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  this is something I had planned a long time ago.
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  And it had been for me.
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  So trust your intuition
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  and write down those goals, guys.
• 5:00
  Yeah.
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  Make those goals.
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  Wow.
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  Yeah, that is so the alignment there.
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  You knowing yourself,
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  and that being a theme,
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  and you being able to speak
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  the future you desire into existence,
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  and coming home to intuition,
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  we've been so robbed as Black women
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  of our own knowing,
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  and our ability to know our truth,
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  know our, what we want,
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  what we do not want,
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  what's for us,
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  what's not.
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  So it's really powerful to hear you speak about that.
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  And something else that comes to me as you say this is,
• 5:27
  when you say it like self-doubt,
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  and then community support,
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  like feeding into you
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  so that you can then feel belief again.
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  I think so often in a more individualistic framing,
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  it's like, I doubt myself,
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  what can I do by myself to believe in myself again?
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  And hopefully we have, like you said,
• 5:44
  your godparents, your parents, friends,
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  your aunts and uncles,
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  who are pouring love into you,
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  and you're so worthy of that.
• 5:49
  And we then feel it from the way you show up,
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  the way you amplify your message.
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  So I'd love to tap deeper into like,
• 5:56
  what is the work that you share?
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  What is the message that you share
• 6:01
  that requires that community belief and support?
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  And that you are, you have spoken
• 6:05
  into existence to be here today, sitting beside me.
• 6:08
  Yes, we fear. I mean, yeah, I started off as a diabetes advocate.
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  And I'm also now a mental health advocate,
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  because I also along my journey,
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  I got diagnosed with bipolar.
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  And that was not a shock to me to be fear.
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  I think, as you say, like as a black woman,
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  you carry so much pain, you carry heat from the world,
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  not supporting you, you know?
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  And so I think I quickly like felt that,
• 6:33
  especially during my university years, it was really tough.
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  But yeah, so I decided that I'm going to use my voice
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  to empower other people who couldn't get those platforms to do so.
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  And like, I just wanted to, you know, use my voice.
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  I think that once speech by Zozi Bini was so important to me,
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  I think that changed the trajectory of my life as well,
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  because I was like, you actually go out there and be your full self.
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  Like, you know, stand up.
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  You know, have a voice, say something.
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  You know, you can't just be passive.
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  And it became quickly important.
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  And I quickly noticed how, you know,
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  there's such a lack of diversity in these rooms.
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  And that's when I was like, actually,
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  I'm going to be that person.
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  You know, and I'm going to open that door.
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  You know, I don't believe in gatekeeping.
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  I believe that we need to, you know,
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  open the door, enter, and then allow other people to also come in as well.
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  And so that's what happened.
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  And I was like, okay, yeah, this is the community, this is the people.
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  And let's do this, you know,
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  even though I come from like a very small town.
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  And it's like, you know, it would, if I think back to it,
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  it couldn't have happened the way it did, but it did.
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  And I'm very proud of the journey that I've paved along the way as well,
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  because I think it was like, small town girl.
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  You know, even time, I don't, I don't represent Johannesburg or KTOT.
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  I always say, I'm very proud to be from Bolognese, you know, my hometown.
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  The small town that, you know, people often miss as well.
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  And, yeah, just being that child who just came out of a small town and making it big,
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  that was, yeah, what I aspired to be.
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  Wow. And you've done that. Oh my goodness.
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  Yeah.
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  How does that feel?
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  To be fair, like, I'm very hard on myself.
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  I'm very like tough and I'm like, I don't believe the things that I do.
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  But now this year has taught me to actually, you did that, you know?
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  And I'm very proud of you for doing that.
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  And I think even the people that are coming into my life,
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  remind me of that. It's like, okay, yeah, you are big.
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  And I'm like, actually, I am.
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  Wow.
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  Yes. Can we actually take a moment to go there?
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  Can you let us celebrate with you what you have accomplished and achieved?
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  Like, when you said, oh, I did that.
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  Like, when you sit with your own magic and greatness
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  and how you've showed up for your work.
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  Like, I think, I mean, a lot of us watching would love to just
• 8:51
  witness you, celebrate that.
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  So what are some of the things that you feel wow?
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  Like, I'm so proud of that.
• 8:56
  No, like, my first, sir, the first ad that we did for,
• 9:00
  like, so we were approaching, like, a discovery regarding the devices
• 9:04
  that we used to help us as people living with diabetes.
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  And I was like, one of the people who featured in that.
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  And I was like, okay, that was actually the beginning of something bigger.
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  You know, when I went to my first international conference,
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  I was like, okay, we are traveling because of this.
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  You know, I was like, oh, yes, okay.
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  You know, I don't think my mom would have believed it.
• 9:25
  I think when I told her, she was like, wait, what do you mean?
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  You know, and then, male and guardian, that's when I was like, okay,
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  yeah, being a top, you know, young South African, you know,
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  top, yeah, like, that was just a lot.
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  I think at that moment, I didn't take it in the way that I did.
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  Wow, wait, what was that?
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  Can you say the young South Africans?
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  Oh, my goodness.
• 9:47
  The top 200.
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  So, yeah, that was amazing as well.
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  That was like, okay, you did this, actually,
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  you really worked hard.
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  And it's good to see that that's what's happening.
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  And then also just working with various projects,
• 10:00
  on various projects with like WHO, you know, writing reports with them,
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  learning about communities, and the frames that I have all over the world now,
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  that feels amazing.
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  I don't think if I'd done something different, I would have been in the space, you know.
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  I think it is allowed for me to just travel,
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  learn people's cultures, be empathetic, you know,
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  learn that we're not the same, but, you know,
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  something that's connected at the end of the day.
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  And, yeah, it's good to be outspoken, you know.
• 10:30
  Use your voice, like, people are willing to listen.
• 10:32
  Ooh, literally.
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  I think that's where the South Dow Parts started to just like
• 10:36
  also leave my body.
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  I was like, actually, yeah, people are willing to listen to you,
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  you know, your opinions matter.
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  And I hope people who are listening take that into consideration.
• 10:46
  Your opinions matter, they will pay you to say your piece.
• 10:51
  Ooh, say your parts, you know.
• 10:54
  Say yes, those are the small wins.
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  Oh, huge, beautiful, magical, powerful wins.
• 11:00
  That's incredible.
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  We really celebrate with you.
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  That is truly life-changing and to receive recognition
• 11:07
  in the same cycle as you doing the work in your lifetime,
• 11:10
  in the moment, and at this beautiful moment
• 11:13
  that I'm sure has come with so much effort and work and resilience, like you say.
• 11:17
  I want to go deep into exactly what you said.
• 11:19
  You said you felt cold to use your voice
• 11:22
  and you are both a diabetes advocate and a mental health advocate
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  and you are speaking on these topics
• 11:27
  and I'm sure you've had to overcome so much
• 11:30
  to be able to speak.
• 11:31
  And so you mentioned one was a speech by Zorzy Binney.
• 11:35
  Can you tell us people who are not familiar with that speech?
• 11:38
  What did that unlock in you?
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  Because it's also the power of each of our voices
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  to unlock something in each other.
• 11:44
  Look, I mean, that speech at the time.
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  So now that I think about it, I don't remember the exact words.
• 11:49
  Okay, no.
• 11:50
  But then I, I think for me,
• 11:52
  it just said, go get up and grab.
• 11:55
  Yeah, that's what we take as one thing.
• 11:58
  Yeah, like, get up and grab, you know,
• 12:00
  and go be yourself and show yourself,
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  like, stand for something, you know,
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  and yes, I believe that I was meant to stand for something.
• 12:09
  It's just that at the time I didn't know it,
• 12:11
  but I needed to stand for something
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  and I needed to be very clear on that something.
• 12:15
  You know, I think oftentimes,
• 12:18
  yeah, you're like, oh, but what am I good at?
• 12:20
  You know, what, like, you start wearing prison clothes
• 12:23
  and you're like, what am I good at?
• 12:24
  Okay, maybe I'm not good at this,
• 12:26
  but I could be better at this, you know.
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  And that allowed me to then go inside and think,
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  you know, like, I am actually good at speaking,
• 12:34
  you know, I am good at one, two, three.
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  So why not use this opportunity to share my story,
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  you know, and not talk about anybody else,
• 12:42
  but myself, you know.
• 12:43
  And with the story,
• 12:45
  girl, are they in change the world?
• 12:47
  It doesn't have to be a drastic change.
• 12:49
  It can be small steps, you know, each and every single day.
• 12:52
  Yes.
• 12:52
  And that's exactly what I said.
• 12:54
  And that's why I live by saying,
• 12:55
  changing the world one day at a time.
• 12:57
  That is my favorite thing to say to people.
• 13:00
  Wow.
• 13:00
  That is so inspiring.
• 13:02
  And we, like, I'm just in awe of the way you have shown up.
• 13:06
  And I've obviously only seen a glimpse just in researching for this,
• 13:09
  which was such a gift to my spirit to learn more about you.
• 13:12
  So thank you.
• 13:13
  And your work and your, you write, you speak.
• 13:15
  You're just such an expressive voice.
• 13:17
  And I think the person watching this
• 13:19
  can really relate to this feeling of, like,
• 13:22
  I want to use my voice more, but I feel afraid.
• 13:24
  I feel afraid of different, you know,
• 13:27
  doubt you mentioned, fears, fear of all these different social dynamics
• 13:31
  and who could judge me and so forth.
• 13:32
  So I'm really curious for you, what are the fears,
• 13:36
  you know, you say, like, go out there and use your voice and speak.
• 13:38
  And at the same time, sometimes it's like,
• 13:40
  we're doing it very afraid,
• 13:41
  but we're doing it anyway.
• 13:42
  So what have been some of the fears you have needed to overcome
• 13:45
  and also just accept in your process?
• 13:49
  The fear of being perceived.
• 13:52
  Yeah.
• 13:53
  I think that was like, and I still am.
• 13:55
  I still have, like, Instagram for one.
• 13:58
  Like, I want to be an influencer, but then you're like,
• 14:00
  but what are people going to think?
• 14:01
  People are going to be like, this is cringe, you know?
• 14:04
  But yeah, I don't like being perceived.
• 14:07
  But then again, am I living for the next person
• 14:09
  or am I living for myself, you know?
• 14:13
  And then again, also people just find people relatable, you know?
• 14:17
  So that's another thing where you're like, okay, but like,
• 14:19
  yeah, maybe you might not relate, but somebody else might relate.
• 14:22
  And that's okay.
• 14:23
  Not everybody's meant to like you or relate or, you know,
• 14:27
  but yeah, the fear of perception, like, yeah, that was the biggest hurdle.
• 14:32
  But also, are people going to actually understand what I'm saying?
• 14:37
  Are they actually hearing what I'm saying?
• 14:39
  You know, I'm obviously not coming from a, you know,
• 14:42
  we're not, we're low middle income country, you know?
• 14:45
  So having to relate with somebody in like a first world country,
• 14:49
  you're like, yeah, I can't relate.
• 14:51
  I don't have all the technology.
• 14:53
  I don't have one to three, you know, this is my reality.
• 14:56
  And are they going to hear me and actually like, understand?
• 15:01
  And they did.
• 15:02
  So, yeah, that was, that was a big hurdle for me at the time.
• 15:06
  I was just afraid to just, but then again, it was COVID.
• 15:09
  And I was like, you know what?
• 15:10
  I'm going for this.
• 15:11
  COVID, yeah, it helped me.
• 15:13
  It really did.
• 15:14
  The time to go back home and realize what I wanted,
• 15:18
  that needed to happen.
• 15:20
  To realign.
• 15:21
  Yes.
• 15:22
  Oh, wow.
• 15:23
  Where you, where you took us on the fear of being perceived,
• 15:26
  I think every human on Earth, especially people watching this and myself,
• 15:30
  like we can all relate to that feeling of like what you want most,
• 15:34
  also being tied to what you fear most.
• 15:36
  I want to have a voice.
• 15:37
  I want to share my story.
• 15:38
  I want to be what I wish existed when I was first got my diagnosis or first, you know,
• 15:44
  but also I'm so scared that I'll be misunderstood or judged or what you said
• 15:49
  about the fear of being cringed.
• 15:50
  And what I also absolutely adore that you just said is that I'm still scared.
• 15:54
  It's not like I've not overcome, but I choose this mission.
• 15:57
  So how do you stay connected to that purpose that you mentioned in the beginning?
• 16:01
  So that even in the face of fear, you still keep showing up.
• 16:05
  And I mean, you've built, like you said, this international community and
• 16:08
  World Health Organization, like just like incredible opportunities you've,
• 16:12
  you've experienced.
• 16:13
  So I'm just curious how you, how you keep that alignment.
• 16:16
  So taking your break, stepping back and saying, okay, you know what?
• 16:20
  I need a break.
• 16:21
  Actually need to focus on other things.
• 16:24
  For me, I never wanted to be that person like the diabetes advocate.
• 16:29
  I always wanted to be tapy and more, you know, and I think that has,
• 16:34
  that is what I've realized in the past two years that actually I can still be a diabetes advocate.
• 16:40
  I can still be a person living with diabetes.
• 16:42
  I can still be a person living with a mental health condition,
• 16:44
  but I can still retain being myself, you know.
• 16:48
  But as I said, the purpose aspect was like people keep fixing me.
• 16:52
  People keep saying some stuff that makes me feel like, okay,
• 16:55
  I actually need to help you, you know, in this moment.
• 16:58
  And that's how I know that actually this is my mission, you know,
• 17:02
  I think we define purpose as like, you know, just something that you keep going back to.
• 17:08
  And yes, that's what keeps me going back to the diabetes mission.
• 17:12
  You know, just, you know, listening to people and relating to them and saying, actually,
• 17:17
  yeah, you could do this better, you know, and being that force for them
• 17:20
  and holding their hands as well in the age journey.
• 17:23
  Because yes, it's difficult, it's very lonely.
• 17:26
  And that's why I started my advocacy journey because I was learning to be fair.
• 17:31
  And it was like, okay, why are there other people who are like me in South Africa?
• 17:35
  You know, are there other people who are going through the same challenges?
• 17:39
  Maybe I'm not the only one.
• 17:41
  And so let's reach out and let's see.
• 17:42
  Let's start something and get together.
• 17:45
  And even if there it's not like a support group,
• 17:48
  but let's stand for something, you know, and that's what happened.
• 17:52
  Yeah.
• 17:52
  Wow.
• 17:53
  Oh, I really find that so inspiring that you became the change you sought to see.
• 17:59
  Like it's ancient or classic wisdom, but you've embodied that so beautifully.
• 18:05
  And the social aspect of purpose that you mentioned,
• 18:09
  that it's not you in an isolated place having a mission.
• 18:12
  You're interacting with people, get it receiving energy, receiving questions.
• 18:16
  And it's returning, it's like a ecosystem.
• 18:18
  You know, the tree needs nourishment.
• 18:20
  And the purpose is nourished by all these people who are coming to you
• 18:24
  and seeking you out, seeking your advice,
• 18:26
  or just sharing their story.
• 18:27
  And you're like, oh, there's more here.
• 18:28
  There's more.
• 18:29
  And so what I also want to tap into is like the vulnerability of what you share.
• 18:34
  You know, I think even at a time now,
• 18:37
  I was learning about the continuous glucose monitors.
• 18:40
  And that aspect you mentioned, you are multiple things,
• 18:43
  including like this is one aspect of your being.
• 18:46
  But how do you, as a speaker, like find the courage to be vulnerable?
• 18:51
  To be honest, my mom used to say the words,
• 18:54
  you have to do something with your all.
• 18:55
  Do we drive that first time?
• 18:58
  And I just thought, you know, I don't want to share a story and feel like,
• 19:03
  oh, make people feel like they want more from me.
• 19:06
  You know, I want to share it and leave it at that.
• 19:09
  And let it be that, you know.
• 19:12
  And that's what is important,
• 19:14
  also just sharing how I felt in the moment.
• 19:16
  You know, just to say, I'm actually not learning.
• 19:18
  You know, there is so much more.
• 19:20
  And I'm just going to put myself out there.
• 19:22
  And I'm just going to do it, you know.
• 19:25
  Although a vulnerability can be very difficult to like, you know,
• 19:28
  when you're talking about it with people, it's like,
• 19:31
  I hope I don't cry.
• 19:33
  But at the same time, it's like, yeah, no, maybe I should cry.
• 19:36
  Maybe we'll all cry in the room.
• 19:37
  And that will be a beautiful experience, you know.
• 19:41
  And I think for me, it's very important to be a great storyteller.
• 19:45
  You know, storytelling plays a role in, you know, everything that you do.
• 19:50
  There's a story behind everything to be fair.
• 19:52
  And yeah, so my vulnerability was all about like the storytelling aspect.
• 19:56
  It was all about me wanting to tell my story as
• 20:00
  raw as it is.
• 20:01
  And that's just it.
• 20:02
  Yeah, I wanted to do it perfect the first time.
• 20:04
  And I want to have to go back and be like, okay, but I didn't say this part about me.
• 20:07
  Oh, I didn't say this part.
• 20:09
  Oh, why, like, Christian, myself as to why did I do that?
• 20:11
  Yes.
• 20:12
  I want to leave people having experienced me fully so.
• 20:15
  Yes.
• 20:16
  Yeah.
• 20:16
  Ooh, that is such a generosity.
• 20:19
  Like, you know, it's like, I gave my all to this,
• 20:22
  to the work, to the message to the people.
• 20:24
  I think that's so generous of you to want to
• 20:28
  not feel like you left anything off the table.
• 20:30
  That's, and that that is ancestral wisdom coming from your mom,
• 20:33
  coming from this message that she said, but also I'm sure she embodied.
• 20:38
  Which is so powerful.
• 20:39
  And something that came to me as you're sharing the way,
• 20:42
  these community members and family members have helped you along the way.
• 20:46
  And are part of your story.
• 20:48
  And this sense that we are always carrying all of us with us, you know.
• 20:52
  Is also the ancestral gift of speaking.
• 20:54
  Yes.
• 20:54
  Do you feel like you observed in your lineage or in your family,
• 20:57
  like just powerful artists, storytellers, or people who spoke and you listened?
• 21:02
  Yes, started.
• 21:03
  I did.
• 21:04
  I found it a huge role as to who I am today.
• 21:08
  I think, y'all, like, I'm very inspired by my mom,
• 21:10
  even though I don't tell her enough.
• 21:12
  One of those things was like, I'm inspired by you, but like, not too much.
• 21:16
  She is a force to be reckoned with.
• 21:20
  And I think, you know, humble beginnings have helped her become so humane,
• 21:25
  like what she gives to the world.
• 21:28
  And it's like every day I learn something new from her.
• 21:31
  And I'm like, actually, actually a really strong person, you know.
• 21:35
  I wish I could be like you.
• 21:36
  Wow.
• 21:36
  And she's just amazing, you know, like, I think she's gone through a lot in her life.
• 21:41
  And I also feel like I've gone through a lot of my life as well.
• 21:45
  And maybe that's what brings us together as two individuals, you know.
• 21:48
  And that's what we can connect on.
• 21:50
  So yeah, that is basically it's like my mom is that person for me.
• 21:55
  And but genuinely, I think there's just been a lot of people who've just really supported
• 22:00
  me along my journey.
• 22:01
  And it's been amazing, you know, it's been amazing.
• 22:04
  And I think even my father, like, my father's very, he's my biggest supporter, you know.
• 22:08
  He will literally tell his friends, oh, did you see Tappy?
• 22:11
  Oh my goodness.
• 22:12
  She's great to this and this and that.
• 22:14
  He's my biggest supporter.
• 22:15
  I'm so grateful to have that, you know, it was tough.
• 22:19
  There were moments where it was very difficult, especially like when I wasn't
• 22:24
  doing the right things as well.
• 22:27
  But I look back and I'm like, actually, I want to make my parents proud.
• 22:30
  Each and every single day I want to have that one thing that I say, okay,
• 22:33
  I made my parents proud with one two three, you know.
• 22:36
  Not to say I'm living for them, but I want to make them proud, you know.
• 22:40
  And have something to be like, okay, yeah, this I did for my parents and, you know,
• 22:45
  this I did for myself.
• 22:46
  But, you know, it still makes them proud.
• 22:48
  Yeah.
• 22:49
  Oh, wow.
• 22:49
  They must be so proud of you.
• 22:51
  Wow.
• 22:52
  And that's the duality that both and of like, you are, you move to Cape Town.
• 22:56
  Your mom originally, you were like, oh, what are you going to say?
• 22:58
  But you move, you know, like, you're still honoring what is true for you.
• 23:02
  And also in honoring them, you are on yourself and on you and you, you know,
• 23:06
  it's like a beautiful cycle of life.
• 23:08
  And that's it really touches me because I think that there's so many people.
• 23:13
  I mean, at least I believe like all of this was sort of designed to support you in your mission.
• 23:18
  Like you got the exact parents and the exact, but I'm curious in terms of,
• 23:22
  you know, we started with the soul, what is your connection to we all have such different
• 23:26
  connections to spirituality or religion or faith or what is your connection to that
• 23:32
  or to how you make sense of reality?
• 23:35
  I think you're, so I'm a believer of God.
• 23:38
  And I think God has laid a very big role in my life.
• 23:41
  Like, these situations, I've said to us like one friend of mine actually recently.
• 23:46
  And I was like, actually, you know, I've been in like over 10
• 23:48
  comins in my life.
• 23:49
  Wow.
• 23:50
  You think a diabetes coma.
• 23:51
  Yeah, a diabetes coma.
• 23:53
  And I'm like, yeah, actually, I'm like a cat.
• 23:55
  I casually say, I'm a cat with nine lives, you know?
• 23:57
  Oh, you are.
• 23:59
  No, honestly.
• 24:01
  Oh my God.
• 24:02
  But you know, like, yeah, that aspect has just been like, it carried me.
• 24:07
  He's carried me out of the deepest of situations.
• 24:09
  Well, I was like, actually, this I should have died.
• 24:11
  Like, yeah, I should have been out, you know?
• 24:15
  But you know, like he just has guided me so, like, greatly.
• 24:19
  And I think this is why now I'm able to be like, even when things happen to me,
• 24:23
  I'm like, God will guide me.
• 24:24
  Like, I know that I will get out of this.
• 24:26
  You know, I don't have to doubt anything.
• 24:28
  And the more I grow up, he brings people in my life that make me realize that,
• 24:33
  even when I try to grow a stray, I meet people and I'm like, actually, yeah, you're right.
• 24:37
  It's like, God will never forsaken me.
• 24:39
  Like ever, ever, ever, ever.
• 24:41
  I am one of those kids who have done it all.
• 24:43
  My mom always says, I love experiments.
• 24:45
  And I do love experiments, even though it kills me at times.
• 24:49
  But here I am.
• 24:51
  Yeah.
• 24:51
  I'm still making the most of it.
• 24:53
  But yeah, we've, we've we've
• 24:55
  just experimenting lists for now and as well.
• 24:58
  But yeah, like, God, it's, it's, oh, God, to be fair.
• 25:03
  Wow, oh, I would.
• 25:04
  Wow, the nine lives, catwood nine lives, 10, what, wow, that experience must be so profound.
• 25:10
  And the idea of the connection that you have to God and that you feel guided and held and supported.
• 25:15
  I mean, how beautiful and divine that you, like, feel that connection and that it's guided you
• 25:22
  this whole, this whole path.
• 25:24
  What is, I mean, that experience of, like, coming out of those, those, those coma experiences
• 25:28
  is that when the connection feels the most profound, like, in terms of how God has supported you.
• 25:34
  I'm just so curious, like, that specific relationship when near death experiences, yeah.
• 25:40
  Yes, because you, you tend to reboot.
• 25:43
  It's a moment for you to reboot and say, actually, I, this is, this is it, like, I can't.
• 25:48
  And to be fair, the last coma that I had was very intense, right?
• 25:52
  I was in my first job university.
• 25:54
  And I remember the doctor who looked at me and she was screaming at me.
• 25:57
  I remember that was a wake-up call and she's part of the reason as to who I am today as well.
• 26:01
  Yes, she's amazing.
• 26:04
  Actually, she used to say to me, like, you can't do this and she's like Indian.
• 26:08
  She's just love shouting.
• 26:09
  Wow.
• 26:11
  But yeah, she was the person who made me realize that that was very intense.
• 26:15
  It cannot happen again and I need to take control of my life.
• 26:19
  And I love meeting.
• 26:20
  I always hit people.
• 26:21
  I have friends who are, so I'm 26.
• 26:24
  My friends are always 30 plus.
• 26:25
  And those people are living.
• 26:28
  They're living their best lives.
• 26:29
  Like, they show me a glimpse of what life could be and always is going to get better.
• 26:35
  And why I keep people like that in my life is because, like, they remind me that,
• 26:38
  yeah, I don't have to rush into anything.
• 26:40
  Life will come and it will happen for me at the right time.
• 26:44
  So, yeah, it's a thing of, like, reflection.
• 26:48
  It's a moment to say, okay, I did this.
• 26:50
  I experimented.
• 26:51
  Thank you very much.
• 26:52
  That was not so pleasant.
• 26:54
  Wow.
• 26:54
  I mean, to close that chapter and move to the next chapter.
• 26:57
  Yeah.
• 26:57
  And maybe one day I'll write a book and, you know, I have so many chapters.
• 27:02
  But yeah, like, it's an experience.
• 27:04
  But, like, yeah, in that moment of a coma, I always think people,
• 27:07
  it's like, you're off.
• 27:08
  You're offline.
• 27:09
  Like, you're not existing.
• 27:11
  Yeah.
• 27:11
  I can't tell you what happens in a coma.
• 27:13
  I can't explain it.
• 27:14
  But it's like, you wake up and you're like, yeah, no, I need to change.
• 27:19
  I need to change.
• 27:20
  And I need to do it now.
• 27:22
  Yeah.
• 27:23
  And is it, do those initial moments of awakening, like, feel powerful?
• 27:28
  Or is that more just, like, a myth of how it's told on, like,
• 27:31
  the initial moments of awakening from the coma?
• 27:33
  Yeah.
• 27:34
  Or do you kind of forget what it is?
• 27:35
  It's quite powerful.
• 27:37
  But you obviously struck my vulnerability.
• 27:39
  In that moment, you're like, I can't believe this happened, you know,
• 27:42
  or I'll get too far, or thus far.
• 27:47
  And that's when things like therapy came into place.
• 27:49
  And you're like, actually, I need to talk about this.
• 27:51
  And like, actually get out of my system and start a phrase, you know,
• 27:56
  I've had many new beginnings.
• 27:58
  And I'm very grateful for, you know, new beginnings as well.
• 28:02
  I think it's always good, like, how people, like, in the New Young rebranding
• 28:06
  have as many rebrands as you want.
• 28:08
  As you want.
• 28:08
  Yeah.
• 28:09
  I'm a testament to that.
• 28:10
  And I always say to people, I genuinely don't like when people put
• 28:15
  in a box.
• 28:16
  So I always say, I can be anything that I want.
• 28:18
  I can wake up tomorrow and just say, I'm going to be a pilot for all, you know,
• 28:21
  you know, completely.
• 28:22
  Yeah.
• 28:23
  And we see you flying.
• 28:24
  Exactly.
• 28:26
  Wow.
• 28:27
  And this doctor you had, it sounds like from what you described, it was also, like,
• 28:32
  divinely orchestrated for you to meet her.
• 28:34
  It sounds like she had a very pivotal impact on you.
• 28:38
  Yeah.
• 28:38
  No, she did.
• 28:39
  She did.
• 28:39
  She's amazing.
• 28:41
  And she always had my best interest at heart.
• 28:44
  Wow.
• 28:44
  I never, like, case, even though she shouted at me, um, sometimes we need it.
• 28:48
  Sometimes we need a chase that wake up call to say, okay, actually,
• 28:51
  I haven't been doing okay.
• 28:54
  But yeah, she's, she's amazing.
• 28:56
  She's lovely.
• 28:57
  Yeah.
• 28:58
  You mentioned, also actually, something I also want to ask is, I think we take
• 29:02
  for granted that we understand what someone means when they say God.
• 29:06
  Yeah.
• 29:06
  So to you, what, what are you describing when you say that if you don't mind sharing?
• 29:11
  Oh, that is an interesting question, actually.
• 29:13
  I've never been, like, I don't really have an idea of what God looks like to me.
• 29:19
  I know it's a higher force, someone, are they looking like, for me, it's like my dad,
• 29:24
  basically, and he's just somebody who just cares for me, you know, he's not
• 29:28
  physically here with me, but like, yeah, somebody who just has my best interest at heart,
• 29:33
  you know, like, who feels like a pillar that you can just sleep on.
• 29:36
  I love that pillar.
• 29:38
  It's beautiful.
• 29:38
  It's beautiful, it's beautiful.
• 29:39
  Yeah, yeah, so, um, yeah, it's me that's having an out there.
• 29:43
  I was just, like, I don't know, on the sky, looking down on me and saying, okay,
• 29:48
  that's what you're doing, okay, right now you are not doing the right thing,
• 29:50
  but I'll guide you back into that, I think slowly but truly.
• 29:54
  Yeah, yeah, and what are you activities or moments or where you feel that connection
• 29:58
  most strongly, or communities or spaces?
• 30:00
  Oh, no, on planes, really on planes, and I'm on the plane, I feel so much that
• 30:05
  always go for the window seats.
• 30:06
  Oh, my mood.
• 30:07
  And you feel that connection?
• 30:08
  Yeah, no, that connection, that's what I'm like, okay, I'm being hugged now.
• 30:11
  Like, this is my mood.
• 30:12
  The pillow is being holding me.
• 30:16
  Yeah, so when I'm on planes, I'm, it's always reflection moments and I'm like, okay,
• 30:21
  yeah, you take this, you take this, you know,
• 30:23
  and it's because you are offline, number one, you're there by yourself,
• 30:28
  especially if you're traveling by yourself at that moment, and you're like, actually,
• 30:31
  you got a life is for living.
• 30:33
  Oh, my goodness.
• 30:34
  Life is for living.
• 30:34
  That's what it is for.
• 30:35
  Yeah, it is.
• 30:37
  Wow, and you've been given this gift of life, you know, and has that helped you to make sense of,
• 30:43
  you know, I'm sure when you said that, I think you're celebrating your, this is all celebrating,
• 30:47
  this is your 20th year of, since your diagnosis.
• 30:52
  And so I'm curious if having that connection to God has helped you find,
• 30:58
  because I think they can be in any of these things, by the way that you mentioned in,
• 31:02
  they can be like a why me, but then with God, it's like, oh no, like, this old by design, you know,
• 31:06
  so how is that helped you make, find meaning, find peace, find purpose in the unfolding divine,
• 31:13
  and exactly as it was all meant to be.
• 31:16
  I think with those wins that have happened, not your lack of care, it makes it, it makes it,
• 31:20
  it makes sense why it was me, yes, when I was young, I struggled, I think when I was like
• 31:25
  10, 11, I used to question it and just not do the right things, but now I'm like, either way,
• 31:30
  who else, you know, who else would have been handpicked for this moment, you know,
• 31:34
  who else would have been handpicked for this moment, this all right, that down, oh my god.
• 31:39
  Yeah, so I feel like I was handpicked and it taught me so much.
• 31:43
  Like, I say to people, empathy is so real and the willingness to learn, I think if I hadn't
• 31:50
  taught diabetes or any other condition, I would have been like ignorant to the world.
• 31:54
  I would have just been like, okay, it is what it is, whatever, just live a normal life
• 31:58
  and live my best life, you know, but now I'm like, actually, I can empathize you on one, two, three,
• 32:04
  and I know this ways of talking to people, you know, sometimes we say things bluntly,
• 32:09
  but now I know that, okay, that's not the way to go about things, like maybe we should take
• 32:13
  this direction, you know, and you become so self-aware and even like, regarding people's emotions.
• 32:20
  You just become a better person, I think personally.
• 32:24
  And yeah, it just, it just feels like, yeah, oh, day, oh, yeah, oh, day.
• 32:30
  So what would you say to anyone who is in the midst, the center of a challenge like that,
• 32:35
  and they still don't understand, why is this happening to me, or they haven't yet got to this
• 32:40
  place where they're like, I'm so grateful, you know, oh, I'm so, I can see why this, this happened
• 32:45
  the way that it has happened and it's given me all these moments and experiences and connections.
• 32:50
  So, yes, what would you say to someone who's more like in that experience?
• 32:56
  It gets better. It gets better, literally.
• 33:01
  You know, I saw a tech talk the other day about this lady who did a video at the beginning of
• 33:06
  the year and a video at the end of the year, like a reflection moment. And she was talking to
• 33:10
  like, I said, one, two, three, you know, and she had these goals in place and whatever.
• 33:13
  And she's talking about how, you know, well, it wasn't at the beginning, it was the end of the
• 33:18
  previous year and then she did one this year. And yeah, and it just works out, you know, she was
• 33:24
  looking at herself and I'm like, girl, I actually want that for myself, you know, I want to start
• 33:28
  a lot happened. And we don't take the time to think about, like, I mean, where I was five years
• 33:34
  ago, it's not the same place I am today. You know what I mean? It does get better, but it's a
• 33:39
  thing where you need to let things play out as well, you know, don't rush the process.
• 33:47
  That is one thing I go against as well. I'm just like, don't rush it. It won't work out
• 33:51
  and it won't work out when the time is right. And if you're someone who reads the Bible,
• 33:56
  it always says when the time is right, the Lord will make it happen. So things like that,
• 34:00
  really like, okay, yeah, just take it easy, you know, you don't have to have it figured out.
• 34:05
  I always say to people, I'm only 20, but I live a life like I'm 14. And yeah, no, I don't have to
• 34:11
  have it figured out actually. Like, little life happened for you. Yeah. Wow, yes, little life
• 34:17
  happened for you. I love this invitation to surrender and trust, you know, it can be so challenging
• 34:23
  to trust and what helps me come back to that energy of trust is think of things in my life
• 34:29
  that I could never have planned that are so wonderful, you know, that came into your life,
• 34:33
  maybe a friend you met that you didn't sit there like, when am I going to meet a friend like this,
• 34:37
  there are so many incredible things that come to us. And yet we think in the future, we are going
• 34:42
  to be the dictators of when something and how something and what exactly. So I love that. And
• 34:48
  then I love the invitation to the person around just trusting that it will get better. Things take
• 34:53
  time having patience, which in today's world is very challenging to have. Yeah. And hold.
• 34:59
  Wow. So I think in terms of your experience of just living and life, you said life is here for
• 35:05
  living. What are some of the things you wish more people understood about any of any aspect of your
• 35:10
  life, about the things we've been speaking about related to diabetes, about bipolar, about just
• 35:15
  life in your shoes. You mentioned that this has really helped you build compassion and empathy.
• 35:20
  So what do you wish people had a bit more compassion and empathy for towards you?
• 35:24
  The aspect of thinking I haven't figured out. I don't know, actually. I'm doing this every day
• 35:31
  and I wake up and I'm like, actually, I'm figuring my life out. As I go. I'm like, at this point,
• 35:36
  I'm not perfect. I wish people understood that because I feel like people have expectations from
• 35:42
  me, of me. And I can't reach expectations. I'm sorry. And also we need to understand that
• 35:49
  things are curated, right? Like what we put out at like most of the time is curated. Instagram is
• 35:55
  created. So don't think I wake up today. Maybe my sugars will like 20 something for, you know,
• 36:01
  not that I was 20, but I'm just saying, you know, it may feel like I am in the best of moods
• 36:07
  right now, but I'm going through the most. So yeah, like I wish people understood that I'm just
• 36:12
  also figuring life out. And I choose to live a specific life. You know, I choose to show the
• 36:19
  good parts. Maybe I don't choose to show the the sack parts, you know. And maybe that's just to
• 36:24
  protect myself as an individual. And that's okay. You know, and that should be okay. But yeah,
• 36:31
  it's I don't have to figure that out. It's just the girl. I don't know if I figured out I'm just
• 36:38
  a girl. And what makes you feel like people expect that of you? Is it all the questions you
• 36:42
  receive? Yes, yes, there's questions. I think the expectations, you walk into a room. I remember
• 36:48
  going to a conference and I'm I'm like one of those people people, I ruffle feathers and I'm walking
• 36:53
  through rooms. And so it's like, oh, she's gaslighting us and saying, oh, she got an endorsement
• 36:59
  for this. And it's like, no, actually, like I've never gate-kipped anything. I think anybody can
• 37:04
  do what they want to do. But sometimes you will always be the one that is chosen because you
• 37:11
  being yourself throughout the process. You know, and I believe that's my journey. I may not be like,
• 37:16
  but I will be chosen because I've always chosen to like appear as I am. You know, I don't come with
• 37:24
  any other facade or a story or no. I am just where I am and that's what I choose to let you
• 37:30
  guys know. And maybe the people like that, maybe people like find me relatable, you know,
• 37:35
  and that's okay. But I think you're I think, you know, gossip and maybe you can add that can
• 37:40
  also like be a huge factor as to why you feel demotivated. Do you continue on your journey?
• 37:45
  Well, yes. Yes, can you go deeper into that? I love what you said. That is so that really stuck
• 37:51
  with me when you said, I may not be liked, but I will be chosen. That's so, I mean profound
• 37:56
  and so many different angles you could take that sentence. How do you deal with that social aspect
• 38:01
  that either gossiping or fear of judgment people within your community, people online, people,
• 38:06
  it can feel in the social media space or when you are such a brave voice, you're also a human being
• 38:12
  and obviously. So yeah, how do you face that? I think in closing out the noise. Just close
• 38:18
  some trees. Yeah, boundaries. Close out the noise. Yeah. You know, sometimes you need to be
• 38:22
  in our mind. Like you need to just be like, you know, I'm tunnel vision to be shut out the
• 38:27
  doors, right? And that's what has worked for me to be honest. And I always say, as I say it,
• 38:33
  like I will always be chosen, you know, it's not some way where people have said, oh, you know,
• 38:38
  we're just going to put it to the side or something like that. No, I will always be chosen because
• 38:42
  I've always been authentically myself, you know, and something's just worked, been in the others,
• 38:48
  some formulas just work, you know, and each to their own then again. So it's one of those things
• 38:54
  where you just have to just close it out and focus on your purpose and tell yourself that I'm here
• 38:59
  for one thing and one thing only and it's not to let anybody dictate or try to impose on me.
• 39:07
  Yeah, it's allowing yourself that grace and stuff like that to say, I'm just a person and if it was
• 39:12
  me that was chosen then grace, you know, it could have also been you. But yeah, I'm no control over
• 39:18
  that. Yeah, letting go of that thing of control. Yes, I don't have that control. When you say that,
• 39:25
  are they like dynamics of like competitiveness or like what is the every social world has its own
• 39:31
  factors to navigate? I think diabetes is one of those things where sometimes it can come off as
• 39:36
  or, you know, want to be diabetes influencer, where as you tend to forget that it's a condition,
• 39:42
  remember, that we live with every day to do for save it. It's not a thing where I'm trying to
• 39:46
  sell you a product that's actually my life. Literally. Yeah. And so people want to like even with
• 39:52
  like these big pharmaceutical companies, obviously they choose like the like Serena Williams,
• 39:57
  you know, for example, and it's like, yeah, but she's not diabetic. She will never have that
• 40:02
  story to tell about diabetes as, you know, an ambassador of your product. But me, as somebody who's
• 40:08
  living with diabetes, I have a story to tell. And my lived experience means a lot to your business,
• 40:14
  to be fair. So yeah, but the influencing world is like there's a fine line between being an
• 40:20
  advocate and an influencer. And I think we need to, you know, differentiate the two. And influencer,
• 40:25
  yes, I'm telling you a product and you review it and you know, it's great, it's whatever,
• 40:30
  and you keep it moving. But when I'm sharing my story, remember, it has to fit into my books,
• 40:35
  it has to accommodate me. And then it has to like have a lifelong impact on it as well. So yeah.
• 40:45
  Yeah. And have that alignment and integrity that you've described. Wow. Think what you just said
• 40:50
  about like how dehumanizing social media can be, you know, because you turn someone into what
• 40:56
  they represent to you, what they are to you. And you remove that they're this whole person who
• 41:01
  on a minute to minute basis is living this life and managing this, um, managing their health and
• 41:07
  showing up for themselves. And, uh, yeah, I think that is such a, you just like categorize someone as,
• 41:12
  oh, this is this person. But you don't, it's like you said, some people haven't walked the path that
• 41:16
  allows them to hold that deep empathy for like yourself as a well-rounded, whole, holistic person
• 41:23
  for between beyond through like many different aspects of your spirit. But also to add on to that,
• 41:28
  I mean, we need to also recognize that some of us have privilege. I have privilege, right?
• 41:34
  Where somebody who is in a township doesn't have the same privilege that I zoom, you know,
• 41:39
  and access as well to technology, to devices, to healthcare that is privatized. Yeah. Like,
• 41:46
  they don't have access to that. So privilege does go a long way. It does have that thing with,
• 41:53
  it's like there's a fine line. You either have privilege or you don't. And yeah, unfortunately,
• 41:58
  some of us do have privilege or maybe fortunately, but it can tend to also, um, like how people view
• 42:06
  things. It kind of like, like, it makes it difficult because people didn't think, oh, because you have
• 42:12
  privilege, you can't speak on this. I see. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any examples that come to mind?
• 42:19
  That's such an important point around, because it's something it seems like was activated within you
• 42:25
  on this topic of privilege and access and how that then influences how people then I'm sure,
• 42:30
  like, reach out to your club. I mean, I'm not sure what's coming up for you that led to you
• 42:35
  emphasizing that point, because it's such an important point. I think being, as you mentioned,
• 42:39
  the CKM aspect, CKMs are not, they're not affordable, right? And then most,
• 42:44
  most medical agents don't cover for them. And being somebody who also comes from the public health
• 42:51
  sector, you know, where you grade to public hospital, you wait in those lines and, you know,
• 42:55
  those kind of things. Yeah, there's a fine line where you start realizing that actually, yeah,
• 43:00
  but when you have those two come together, you kind of realize, actually, yeah, I had humble
• 43:06
  beginnings. Like these were very humble beginnings. I went from pricking at least nine times a day
• 43:11
  to now just wearing a device and I don't have to prick myself. And that's amazing. But
• 43:16
  to speak on that, the good parts alert when we doing injustice to myself, because I do know how
• 43:23
  that feels. And I know somebody's still going through that today, right? And saying, oh, yeah,
• 43:28
  get a CKM. It's amazing. That would be me like, it's not affordable. Even for me, I have to still
• 43:35
  pay medical aid, but I still need to cover it out of my own pocket. Yeah. Well, it's out of pocket.
• 43:40
  Yeah. Can you explain to the listener what a CGM is? Sure. Yeah. So a CGM is a continuous
• 43:46
  glucose monitor. And basically what it does is it's so how, you know, when you go to a doctor,
• 43:51
  you used to like get pricked and they say, oh, your sugars once whatever. So now with a person
• 43:57
  living at diabetes, they realize that the pricking aspect is becoming very tedious. And it's actually
• 44:04
  taking away a lot of time of happiness and time and happiness for us. So what they do is that
• 44:11
  they basically, it's like data points. So you get your sugar readings, they scan it,
• 44:16
  these ones where you can scan. But the one I use specifically, it takes my sugar readings like
• 44:21
  every five minutes and it draws up a graph. And then it can warn me if my sugars are going to
• 44:25
  learn. There's an alarm. And then also there's an alarm for when the sugar's gone. And you can
• 44:30
  predict within like the next five minutes if like it's going low or up. And you can take action
• 44:36
  in that moment. So it is like a technological aspect that is very helpful. It's a tool that we
• 44:44
  every person needs. But the unaffordability aspect and because people are using it for like
• 44:49
  diets and calories and whatever trackers, it forfeits the purpose because it just becomes expensive
• 44:57
  for the person who needs it. Same thing as like ozimpic. You know, people are using it for weight
• 45:02
  loss. As there are people living with type 2 diabetes, we need it on a daily basis.
• 45:09
  But sure, that's just pharmaceuticals and obviously trying to make money out of the
• 45:14
  the population. Yeah. Completely. Oh wow. Okay. So I see. So as you are, it's changed your life to
• 45:21
  have access to that. So you want more people to know about it. But you also want to hold that
• 45:26
  for the 98% of the population. It's completely not affordable. It's so important to deny
• 45:30
  dream of a world where everyone has access to the healthcare they need because they're a human
• 45:36
  being and because we have the resources in the world. Yeah. What a what a it's it's unfortunate
• 45:43
  that how yeah, just like the access that we have, I just feel like it should be mediated by
• 45:48
  something far not about affordability, but that is how global health care is. Yeah. And I think
• 45:54
  that's why our voices play such a huge role. Yes. As talking about that in entering into rooms
• 45:59
  as like parliamentarians and saying, Hey guys, let's be regulators. Yeah. Like we need to do
• 46:04
  something. We can't let pharmaceuticals win. Wow. So yeah, that is important and we need more voices.
• 46:11
  Yes. We need people to come into these rooms and say they part as well. Wow. You really are doing
• 46:16
  the work. You said parliamentarians. It's incredible how, you know, I think a lot of us think,
• 46:20
  oh, wouldn't it be great if but you're like, no, I'm going to go tell the politicians this. Yeah.
• 46:25
  That's incredible. Oh, my goodness. I'm really inspired by the sort of like multiple stakeholders
• 46:30
  you hold and you work with. Did you imagine when you started like when you, you know, you mentioned
• 46:36
  your five year plan. Yeah. But how has this journey compared to what you maybe were expecting when
• 46:41
  you're your younger self started? It's definitely what I had imagined. Wow. Not at all. But yeah,
• 46:47
  I think just as I said, opportunities just align to put yourself out there, like put yourself out
• 46:51
  there and don't be afraid of putting yourself out there as well. But child, it wasn't this,
• 46:59
  it wasn't, it was never this. Yeah. But I'm grateful it's this now. Yeah. And just having that
• 47:05
  opportunity just to like, yeah, use my voice in those rooms as a black young female. Yeah.
• 47:12
  That that part is very important because we as women are not allowed into those rooms and even
• 47:18
  when you're speaking, you can tell that they're just like, what is she doing here? But I say when I
• 47:22
  say it and whether you take it a lot, I say what I say it. Yeah. When you're in those spaces and
• 47:28
  you're using your voice and you're taking up space, how do you feel in your body? Like is your
• 47:32
  heart racing or you calm? I mean, and also how does that affect, I don't know, like your health
• 47:36
  management, like how are those moments on your body? It can be tough because obviously like you
• 47:43
  try to get someone to understand the idea. But at the same time, you're trying to say maintain
• 47:48
  composure. Yes. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, I'm telling you this, but inside I'm like
• 47:53
  really scared. I know what you might say to me, you know, for all you know, you might be like,
• 47:57
  get out. So it's it's scary. But like, I'm glad I'm so grateful for being given those opportunities.
• 48:04
  Because I now I'm like able, I used to hate public speaking. Really?
• 48:08
  Hated it. Wow. It's so helpful for people to learn. Really? It wasn't just in always love.
• 48:14
  Tell us about that. No, I hate it. I hate it. So I started for debating this one time and I remember
• 48:20
  just it was such a mess. You're in high school and I just from that day on, I just never did it
• 48:26
  ever again because obviously I was embarrassed. So now when I have to do speeches, I'm like, oh my god.
• 48:32
  But yeah, it's getting better. Wow. It gets better. And like read, read vocabulary wise. It helps.
• 48:39
  It does. Whoa, I think that's going to be so helpful for people because I think the assumption
• 48:43
  from what you were saying is, oh no, this person has loved public speaking. Oh my word.
• 48:48
  Just to create. Yeah. How have you had the perseverance and the commitment to like be so afraid and
• 48:57
  sort of like have these, we've spoken about this, but I think with public speaking specifically,
• 49:01
  there is this duality again with the voice where like you're drawn to share it, but you're terrified
• 49:05
  of sharing it. So how have you danced with that? And in moments where you could have just said,
• 49:12
  ah, I'm not doing this stuck through it. I don't know. I think that goes back to my sharing,
• 49:19
  my personal story. I wasn't talking about anybody else's stories in mine. So that's what helped.
• 49:25
  It was my story. It was never anybody else's story. And yeah, like I was just being honest
• 49:32
  and what I would want in an ideal world, you know, sharing my opinion. And that's what makes me
• 49:37
  they sound stern, you know, and positive in what I'm saying. Like it makes me sound like I'm
• 49:41
  very confident in what I'm saying because it's what I want to see. Yeah, it's not what anybody else
• 49:46
  wants to see. It's basically me. And I'm speaking up for my ride. Someone living with a condition,
• 49:52
  or you know, someone with multiple conditions. Yeah, it becomes easier way to relate
• 49:58
  closely to you. Yeah. Because no one else can tell that story in that room who else is going to
• 50:03
  say it. Yeah. Something that's also coming through for me as you're saying this is I think
• 50:06
  there's a half narrative told about, especially I guess in my experience, like black women who
• 50:12
  are powerful speakers. Like yes, you know, you have an incredible voice and you share this story and
• 50:17
  there's a bravery in that. But I think it's so important for us to also be able to be held when
• 50:23
  we say like, I'm also afraid. I'm also scared of being judged. I'm also maybe I am afraid of,
• 50:28
  you know, the cringe aspect or what if I say the wrong thing? Like my heart is racing,
• 50:33
  even as I said this voice, so I think there's this, there's this singular narrative of like,
• 50:37
  ah, like you brave, you're this, you're, yeah, you're so confident. You know, you're so confident.
• 50:41
  How can you be so confident? And it's like, I'm, I mean, like there's an aspect of that that's
• 50:45
  like, yes, I'm, you know, that's true. But also it's dehumanizing in that why can't I also,
• 50:49
  I'm both. I'm confident and I'm fucking terrified, you know, honestly. No, I get that as well. And
• 50:55
  it's also like moments of vulnerability. I remember being at a conference at the school, a friend of mine.
• 51:01
  She was like, she's new to the library space and she's like, everybody's like coming to celebrate
• 51:06
  because you shared your vulnerable story about how I almost died at a public hospital. And I'm like,
• 51:12
  no, those are not things we should be celebrating. We should actually be shaming this. This is not
• 51:17
  what's supposed to happen. But now you're coming here saying, oh my gosh, she's over. I didn't have to
• 51:22
  be brave. I didn't have to be, I wouldn't be in the situation if this was not a, like a problem.
• 51:29
  You know, so it's like now we are celebrating the traumatic experiences that are happening to
• 51:36
  black women. And you're like, no, no, actually, this is not great. This is something you need to
• 51:41
  look into, you know, but I can celebrate the braids of her sharing her story. Yes, yes, wow.
• 51:50
  Yes, that's also so interesting about storytelling is like you cannot control. You can have what
• 51:55
  you hope the audience will take from it and what the messages for society. And this means we should
• 51:59
  make sure that no one ever has to be in this position because this technology exists and why
• 52:03
  don't want people, you know, but it's like they're going to, you know, like they're going to take
• 52:07
  what their projection leads it to be for them, you know, and so it's really interesting that
• 52:13
  there's the both. And if you could tell like stories, because you're such a powerful storyteller,
• 52:18
  so I'm wondering like, are there other media that you dream of being able to tell stories through,
• 52:23
  you know, like a documentary or film, like a book, you mentioned. Yeah, I was like, yeah, at
• 52:28
  some point I would love to get into like a documentary and that would be a great way, like in Africa,
• 52:33
  you know, different. I personally dislike it when people call, you know, like one to
• 52:39
  categorize Africa as one. Because remember, we don't have the same systems as Somalbei, you know,
• 52:44
  Senegal, Nigeria, any other place in Africa, and Africa is a continent. Whereas with Europe,
• 52:50
  it's like they never look at this Europe, you know, it's always, oh, you know, Paris versus Germany,
• 52:56
  you know, and we need to start speaking of Africa in different forms, because that way we can
• 53:02
  also differentiate the differences, like to say, okay, this is a different year, and this is also
• 53:06
  what I can take from, yeah, you know, and I learned this when I stayed in a conference last year in
• 53:12
  Ronda. Ronda's health system is so amazing. Wow, yes. It could never compare to South Africa.
• 53:18
  Eva, they, and even Kenya, and Kenyan politicians, or ministers, are always willing to listen to
• 53:26
  lived experience. We cannot get into the same rooms as our politicians. Wow. Eva, they make it so
• 53:33
  difficult. You know, and it's so sad, you know, but like, yeah, the systems, those are things
• 53:40
  maybe we should be like incorporating into like this documentary, you know, people being willing
• 53:44
  to share the story, and just sharing what, you know, their health system looks like in their
• 53:50
  respective country. Yes, and that we have so much to learn from each other, you know, like,
• 53:56
  like learning from, yes, the Rwandan health system is, there's something that we could all,
• 54:00
  we also often look outside of us, but I love this. It's so true that Europe is, yes,
• 54:05
  Africa has so many languages, countries, cultures, tribes, it's like wild. So I love that idea that,
• 54:11
  and I really do see a book emerging through you and all these stories you hold. One story you
• 54:16
  told when I was reading your work that I found so moving, if you, only if you feel cool to share it,
• 54:21
  but you were talking about your initial experience when you received your diabetes diagnosis as a
• 54:27
  child and you're rebellion against that. If you feel cool to share that story, it really moved me,
• 54:32
  but yeah, I found it, it really stuck with me. Yeah, no, it's quite a funny story actually, it's
• 54:39
  we say, you know, when I was diagnosed, my family's being very supportive. I won't always say
• 54:45
  to me, and she reminds me, and that's when I know this is like, this is me deterring from me,
• 54:50
  I was the first to grow up, because if she ever speaks of this story, I'm always like, yeah,
• 54:54
  actually you're right. When I first got diagnosed, my mom was had a medical age, you know,
• 54:59
  everything was okay. We were living in Venda and we had to go to transfer to Polo Guani Hospital
• 55:05
  because it was such a specialized case. And so, after that, my mom took care of me because I was
• 55:11
  diagnosed when I was six. I hit double digits and I decided that I'm just going to be the girl that I
• 55:16
  think I am. I started not doing what I did to do. Pupiti hit and I was just a mace. I remember
• 55:24
  growing on camp and my mom mentioned the recent history, she had the story with me and I was like,
• 55:28
  yeah, I remember that, don't worry about me. I went on a camp, a cricket camp because I still wanted
• 55:32
  to be the girl who did everything other people were doing. But I had a condition attached to that,
• 55:39
  which I wasn't looking after. And I was just like, no, I don't have this disease, I don't know
• 55:45
  what you guys, I don't have this condition, I know what you guys are trying to say to me. And I
• 55:49
  went into a delusional mindset, went on camp and literally ate both sweets at a petrol station
• 55:59
  basically. And I didn't take my injection. So obviously, what is that going to feel into a
• 56:04
  coma? And so my parents were in Bolognian, I was going in Pretoria and she, my mom said to me,
• 56:11
  the doctor said to her, look, if you think this is the end, it's going to get worse.
• 56:16
  Like these kids are going to want to rebel. And she just said, that's my mom and she said, yeah,
• 56:21
  like just no, and I said, wow, I was in hospital, maybe a second man, no way literally.
• 56:27
  She said to her, no, this is normal. She's going to get over it though, one day, wow.
• 56:34
  And Rebellion was just me saying, I don't accept this condition now, you know, I am this person
• 56:41
  and I'm very, I'm just a person, you know, I'm existing like any other person. But what I didn't
• 56:46
  realize is that unfortunately, that isn't true and I'm selling myself a story. But yeah,
• 56:53
  I think then that ended, that phase ended in me and I was like, I'm going to be very serious,
• 56:57
  I'm going to be like free, you know, I'm going to do things, but I'm still going to allow balance
• 57:02
  into it. You know, I still want to be out there, I still want to be happy, I want to go to the beach
• 57:06
  and have like days of friends, you know, do wine and whatever. And yeah, like make it part of my life
• 57:13
  but my everyday life. Yes. And I don't want to be reminded that, oh, you're a person
• 57:18
  of your diabetes, you know, it's just a part of me. Yes. Just a specific small part of me.
• 57:23
  It's not who I am entirely. Yeah, so it was a bit of a mess, but it needed to happen as well,
• 57:31
  I feel. And I think it also then allowed my parents to understand the type of person I was.
• 57:37
  That's maybe where the resilience started coming in, you know, the okay, she started,
• 57:41
  yeah, this is what she wants to do. Yes. They started understanding me better. And I think
• 57:45
  after that, they understood me, you know, in the perfect way. Wow. Yeah. So it actually brought
• 57:52
  some sort of family healing and family resilience as well and deeper knowledge and understanding.
• 57:59
  Wow. I am so struck by like the desire as a child, you know, to refuse a reality by, you know,
• 58:11
  just insisting on sort of pretending like it's not there. It makes so much sense that you would
• 58:18
  do that. And now you become the voice to support you. And I'm also cognizant of the fact that you
• 58:23
  have been really beautifully expressing that you are far more than you are many different things
• 58:28
  in addition to all of these aspects of your soul, aspects of your spirit,
• 58:32
  in addition to your diagnosis, in addition to your experiences as a speaker. So what are some of
• 58:38
  those things out like that you love that you love to talk about or you love to express or do
• 58:44
  that have nothing to do with your diabetes? I think it will always have to do. Okay. Yeah. That's very
• 58:50
  fair, daily. But genuinely, I like global health, public health as well. Yeah, if given the
• 58:58
  opportunity, I'd love to dive deeper into that. It has allowed me to see that actually. Yeah,
• 59:04
  like I like that space more. Maybe that's where I need to become. I like policy, laws and stuff.
• 59:10
  So I did my become law degree and yeah, I love it. I love it. I love being able to stand up for
• 59:17
  what's right as well. You have that type in your spirit. Yeah. I'm just like, okay, this is unfair.
• 59:24
  So I think I would have not witnessed that early, but as I grew up, I was going to be like,
• 59:30
  you actually want to defend people and do this and this. So things like that, and I realized
• 59:35
  I love traveling, exploring, learning about different cultures, eating different foods,
• 59:41
  and things like that. So those are some of the things that I now know about myself that I don't
• 59:45
  think I would have had the opportunity or I would have realized later on alive. But then again,
• 59:51
  I mean, as I always say to people, like when I was first diagnosed, the doctor was quite amazing.
• 59:55
  He said to my mom, you have nothing to worry about. Like she's going to be amazing. She's going to
• 59:59
  do amazing things. And that's why I say to people, my diagnosis story is so completely different.
• 1:00:04
  I went on a tangent to technically because everybody was so supportive. But maybe I felt lonely
• 1:00:12
  and it was just just the me thing. You know, nobody else was not, people were being
• 1:00:17
  there for me. But I was not recognizing that at that time. And yeah, but as I grew up, I'm like,
• 1:00:23
  yeah, I had a community. Maybe not in friendships, but in like adults being around me and supporting
• 1:00:32
  me and my journey. Whereas I think counterparts, especially who aren't of color, they have a
• 1:00:41
  friend supporting them. You know, you don't need those, we have birthday parties. You're going to
• 1:00:44
  accommodate those child's diabetes. Whereas with us, it's like, how can we accommodate you?
• 1:00:49
  Just one person off like 10, you know. And that's maybe the main difference as to, you know,
• 1:00:54
  diabetes, like as a child of color, and who's not of color. Interesting. Yeah. Yes.
• 1:01:01
  Well, yeah, that makes so much sense. And that sense of isolation and loneliness. I like what you're
• 1:01:06
  sharing that there is a, it's a both and like, you had a lot of support. But there was a form of
• 1:01:11
  support you are clearly seeking. And then therefore seeking to become that you deserve like, there's
• 1:01:16
  the support that people who are sort of on the outside of an experience looking in with love and
• 1:01:21
  with compassion can give you. But then there's a different kind of support that people who are on
• 1:01:24
  your path, who know what it's like can give you. So I think it's beautiful that even as you are
• 1:01:30
  supported, I do believe like something in your spirit needed you to feel like, oh, no, there's more
• 1:01:35
  so that you could do your mission. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I mean, as you were describing this
• 1:01:41
  desire to travel and this interest in global public health, I was like, this is an international
• 1:01:46
  speaker. This is going to be someone who people who ever pays, like you said, you can get paid
• 1:01:51
  to say what's in your heart. Yeah. Pays to have you speaking at the events, motivational speaker,
• 1:01:55
  because I mean, wow, you have so much to share. Yeah. Life happened. Life happened in just
• 1:02:02
  26 years. I think life has happened for me. Yeah. And yeah, nobody can take away from my
• 1:02:07
  experiences, you know, just like, you know, a parent sings, you go to school, nobody can take away
• 1:02:13
  your degree for me. Yeah. That's the same thing. Yeah. And also what that doctor said to you,
• 1:02:19
  it's another form of storytelling, the stories that people with authority tell us about ourselves
• 1:02:24
  and the fact that he said to your parents, she's going to be absolutely fine. She's going to do
• 1:02:27
  amazing things like framing it for them in a way that, you know, that's very rare. That's
• 1:02:32
  really beautiful. And the ripple effects of these like mentors, doctors in your life. Yeah.
• 1:02:38
  Wow. I do also want to note you mentioned that you have been in the past two years also a
• 1:02:43
  mental health advocate. And I want to tap into that aspect. How has it been integrating that into
• 1:02:49
  your storytelling, into what you share? And similar to what we just spoke about with diabetes,
• 1:02:54
  what are some of the misconceptions or challenges that you faced in sharing your experience with
• 1:02:59
  bipolar experience, with mental health challenges, struggles. And yeah, I'm just curious to
• 1:03:05
  receive any wisdom or insights from you on that. To be fair, that has been more difficult
• 1:03:10
  that are diabetes because of the judgment. I mean, the stigma. I don't normally say, yeah,
• 1:03:16
  hopefully, like, start my conversations with, oh, yeah, I'm a person living with bipolar.
• 1:03:21
  And it's because it's also still very new. And I was still figuring it out as well.
• 1:03:27
  I've had a lot happen to me when I was first diagnosed as well. So it was like, actually, yeah,
• 1:03:33
  this is like building up, you know. But then I started realizing that, yeah, mental health
• 1:03:39
  could just you bound to have one then again with like a condition like diabetes. It's so,
• 1:03:44
  it just takes from you each and every single day. It takes that part of you. It takes away from you.
• 1:03:49
  And yeah, it takes so much of your time. And it's tiring. It's exhausting. You know,
• 1:03:54
  I was thinking to a friend that I make probably like a thousand more decisions in one day than you.
• 1:03:59
  Wow. And it's all around, oh, did I take my medication? Is my sugar levels fine? You know,
• 1:04:06
  are like, did I eat right today? You know, do I need to go to the gym? Am I feeling okay?
• 1:04:10
  Like, are my feelings and things like that? But I think that has also opened a space for us
• 1:04:18
  even within like the diabetes space to talk about it. So I realized that actually this is a thing.
• 1:04:24
  And we need to, for you to be able to manage your diabetes, you also need to manage the mental
• 1:04:30
  aspect of it, right? So, yeah, it hasn't been easy. It's not as easy as like what diabetes is.
• 1:04:36
  It's like, oh, it just came into this powerful being and whatever. No. It's like that vulnerability
• 1:04:42
  has hard because then again, remember, you still have people saying, oh, the way this stuff
• 1:04:46
  by Polar in Cape Town and you're like, that's not it. You're like, okay, I get it. I know what you
• 1:04:55
  mean, but yeah, that's not what it is. Yes. Yes. Wow. It's so true that there are so many
• 1:05:01
  misconceptions and stigmas around mental health and specifically around bipolar. And I know
• 1:05:06
  I have a couple of people in my family who have bipolar and the misdiagnosis also of like
• 1:05:12
  originally thinking you just have depression or not just, but that you have only depression
• 1:05:17
  and then realizing that, you know, that there's more there. So what do you wish more people
• 1:05:22
  understood about bipolar and that aspect of your experience? Oh, it's a bit of a tough one.
• 1:05:29
  Because I feel like, yeah, bipolar will always have that stigma. It will always be
• 1:05:34
  you're crazy or like that whole thing of like you're crazy to an extent. I think, you know,
• 1:05:40
  people will always frame it as like, yeah, they extreme kind of crazy. You're like, yeah, no, but
• 1:05:45
  you know, it's manageable. You just take some pills. You'll be fine, you know. But it also takes
• 1:05:51
  a lot of like getting to understand that part of you as well. I think I've got to figure it out
• 1:05:57
  quite well. But I've met like I had a colleague who has bipolar and she was recently diagnosed
• 1:06:02
  and you can tell like she hasn't figured it out. You know, she'll ask questions around like,
• 1:06:07
  how did you get, how did you figure it out? And like the medication and stuff like that. And I
• 1:06:11
  used to be on the same medication she was on, she's on currently and, you know, it's it drove me
• 1:06:17
  insane. Really? It was crazy. I was sleeping like maybe 12 hours of my day. I was not functional.
• 1:06:24
  Like, I don't know how she's doing it, but then again, each today earn. But I must also say that
• 1:06:30
  it's very important, like with conditions like bipolar, it's so important to find the right
• 1:06:34
  healthcare team for it. And I don't normally advocate for like the public sector because I feel
• 1:06:43
  like the medications that they give us normally generics, whereas with the private sector, it's
• 1:06:48
  much more specific to you and your needs, right? So yeah, it's it's quite interesting, but you need to
• 1:06:56
  like, I figured it out. I'm now I'm managing well. I haven't spiraled in a very long time actually.
• 1:07:02
  And yeah, looking at someone else who's just been diagnosed, I'm like, can't be there. I'm like,
• 1:07:07
  exactly how that feels like you don't know how you like even your mood, like I'm now I'm still
• 1:07:13
  able to be happy, the old happy that I know with even though I'm taking medication, honestly, like
• 1:07:18
  an everyday basis, you know, that's huge. So many people feel robbed of the sense of self. They
• 1:07:24
  feel like the pole is just, you know, stabilizing the breathe and you're like, yeah, I can imagine how
• 1:07:30
  you feel. Yeah. And that is also that compassion and empathy you now have. Yeah. Wow. It's beautiful
• 1:07:37
  that you have found a way because I know there's so much child, there can be so much child and
• 1:07:41
  air I've heard from with different forms of mental health, like finding the exact right fit for you.
• 1:07:46
  So yeah, we're just so happy that you found that because that also allows you to pour into yourself
• 1:07:51
  and to pour into your work and your wellbeing and also just from that place, like feel like, okay,
• 1:07:57
  I can share what I'm here to share with the world with myself and my family. So that's wonderful.
• 1:08:02
  Yeah, wow. I do, I know you said they'll always be sigma. My hope is that we get to a place where
• 1:08:10
  in the world where we relate to these different aspects, like we were never meant to all come with
• 1:08:14
  the same brain or experience. So it's about how can the society become a welcoming, accessible
• 1:08:21
  place for everyone and not so neurotypical, like focused. Wow. That would also be an incredible
• 1:08:28
  documentary because there's also very specific stigmas within black communities. Yeah.
• 1:08:33
  Yeah, that's a big one as well. I think you're it's, but also the language framed. And that's
• 1:08:39
  why I mean, for diabetes, there's something called a language matters. So like not being with
• 1:08:44
  quarter diabetic, but rather being a quarter person living with diabetes because it separates the
• 1:08:48
  diabetes from you. Yes. But yeah, my prolette, I think people haven't figured that out. And it's just
• 1:08:55
  it's that stigma from like the older generation where it's like, okay, yeah, crazy or bipolar, like it's
• 1:09:02
  yeah. But I think sometimes also how some people do feel into it. And I think it's just that
• 1:09:10
  fairy art part. And it takes time. It takes time to figure like yourself out. But yeah, I mean,
• 1:09:18
  you'll spiral and nobody will know you're spiraling. You'll just think, oh, this person is not acting
• 1:09:23
  like themselves today. You know, I wish that was the language that was being used. Yeah, it's more
• 1:09:27
  loving compassion. But I think the language has just allowed it to be like, oh my gosh, this is
• 1:09:34
  crazy. You know, and it's like quarry using those kind of terms. Exactly. It's so like dehumanizing.
• 1:09:42
  And I feel like there's so so many more like community spaces needed for people to come together.
• 1:09:48
  Do you feel like there's anything you see in the diabetes space that you wish existed more
• 1:09:52
  in the mental health space? No, look, no, I don't agree with like having a community for that,
• 1:09:57
  because I feel like oftentimes, even with diabetes, I've separated myself in the community. Really?
• 1:10:03
  Yes, because it's judgment. Oh, you are sitting on an average of my average right now is 10. So
• 1:10:10
  we have something called an HPA 1C. Okay. And it's an average of over three months. Okay,
• 1:10:15
  and it's supposed to be between four and six, but I'm just not at the best. I'm not doing
• 1:10:22
  what I can right now, and I'm not able to. Right. So I'm sitting on a teen, which allows me to
• 1:10:28
  which leads to complications later in life and whatever. So it needs to come down to between four
• 1:10:32
  and six. And you'll have people sitting in the same, oh, you had a teen. Oh, my gosh. Yeah,
• 1:10:37
  it's because you eat like a high carb diet. Oh my gosh. You know, things like that that are like
• 1:10:41
  slightly saying you're like, no, that's not because that's not the reason. You know,
• 1:10:46
  there's other factors to it. So community support groups do allow for people to share, but I think
• 1:10:52
  they still that missing element of like empathy to come as you are. I think you need to come
• 1:10:58
  as somebody who is living this perfect, idealistic world, like, you know, where it's like, yeah,
• 1:11:04
  we're doing this, I do this, I do hiking and I do that. And it's like, no, sometimes you want to stay
• 1:11:09
  at home. Yeah. And that should be okay. Wow. I love how you were like, no, you were like, I felt
• 1:11:18
  this. I've tried and know that's not what I think we need. Something that came to me as you
• 1:11:23
  were saying that was like, there's also such a misconception with people like support members
• 1:11:29
  and how they can better be family and friends to people with all kinds of experiences. And so
• 1:11:35
  it's almost like you want to bring everyone and the community like two or three people who are
• 1:11:39
  close to them and be like, oh, what do we all wish? You all knew better about this. You know,
• 1:11:43
  how you can support us. What you say that really triggers us or just makes us feel like, come on,
• 1:11:47
  again, you know, yeah, because I think the most the most heartbreaking misunderstanding is like
• 1:11:54
  your own, your own people, your own people. Yeah, but I mean, there's also one song by Blood Orange
• 1:12:00
  about fat. It's called Family. And I love Blood Orange. Yes. Yes. That song, particularly, I'm like,
• 1:12:06
  yeah, your community, you form a community of different individuals. Family is not necessarily
• 1:12:12
  blood. Yeah. It can be anybody, literally. And you choose to be around those people who make
• 1:12:20
  your life easier and people who make like just being around them just like, it just feels good.
• 1:12:25
  Yes. Have you found that? Yes. Yes. No. Those people who are just always like, you know,
• 1:12:30
  sometimes they become more of a toxic positivity than I love it. I love it. I love it.
• 1:12:35
  You heard their feelings, no, but the thing is that you like, you're such an empathetic person
• 1:12:42
  that you just had to like, yeah, you're supported best friend. No, I don't want to walk to
• 1:12:49
  that. I don't want to do this. Like, why are you walking in? No, no. Yeah. Oh, my word,
• 1:12:54
  incredible. I mean, the beauty that you found and created spaces where you get to feel really
• 1:13:00
  supported and held, that is such a gift. You know, so many people in this whole world that that
• 1:13:05
  loneliness that you have crafted your story through and now emerged, you know, different communities
• 1:13:10
  that support you. That's the reality of so many people. So I just celebrate that there are ways
• 1:13:15
  to optimize loneliness into connection. What is your favorite thing or way to connect with your
• 1:13:22
  community? So I like, you know, doing activities, basically, like I like, so I always say to people,
• 1:13:31
  so once about a time I wasn't an influencer. And I always say to people like, don't go to
• 1:13:39
  influencer events for somebody, go by yourself. And that's literally where you meet different people.
• 1:13:45
  And that's where you learn more about people as well. Like, I love people watching and like,
• 1:13:50
  just kind of seeing how people move and stuff like that. So I always bought the one who is just
• 1:13:54
  sitting by themselves, whatever. And it's always just the thing of like, okay, like, yeah, this might
• 1:13:59
  be my new friend. And I've also found that like, naturally, you draw people in, right? And like,
• 1:14:07
  I actually saw like, I had a similar experience with another friend this weekend. We were together,
• 1:14:12
  but we always talk about how we meet people based of like Instagram. Like, you know, you'll have
• 1:14:16
  Instagram friends. And then you finally see them and you meet them and you're like, oh,
• 1:14:21
  this is why we be friends. Yeah. So things like that way, it's not like, it's not like I'd
• 1:14:27
  ideally just see you in the streets and like, just pick your art, but like, it just happens.
• 1:14:31
  Yeah. In that moment. Yeah. You mean like people you follow, you have some connection to one.
• 1:14:36
  Yes. That is such because you already know like what they're, their energy vibe is. And you,
• 1:14:42
  that's some of my closest friends. It's like that. Like you follow each other. And it's like,
• 1:14:46
  we already have that connection. Exactly. Yeah. I love the online to offline connection.
• 1:14:51
  It's very, it can be very powerful. Yeah. I'm just, I feel like we all need and deserve like so
• 1:14:56
  many incredible community experiences, activities that you mentioned. Wow. And then I guess bringing it
• 1:15:03
  to the, what we were speaking about with respect to God. Do you find that your connection to God
• 1:15:08
  is quite, it's like you and the connection or do you also like attend church? Do you attend,
• 1:15:14
  do you have a community connection as well? Oh, mostly you. So don't engage on. Okay.
• 1:15:18
  To be a thing back home. But now that I'm here in Cape Town, I feel like it becomes difficult.
• 1:15:24
  Like I don't like even my attachment to God is separating for some reason. Interesting. Yeah.
• 1:15:30
  And I don't know if it's because like I'm losing that. Yes, I used to go to church thing back home
• 1:15:35
  with like you meet community people who understand you within the church. But I've just struggled
• 1:15:42
  with the idea of church in Cape Town for some reason. And I think it's because it doesn't
• 1:15:46
  remind me of her. Interesting. Yeah. Like it's not the community that I grew up to love.
• 1:15:52
  Just people. Yeah. Yeah. And and that's okay. It's just me though. It's just the me thing. Yeah.
• 1:15:59
  It's very powerful also though that a lot of the original way we connected to whatever spirit,
• 1:16:04
  the universe, God was really, it has always been about the people we connect with. And so when
• 1:16:10
  you take away those people, it does change the nature of the connection. It doesn't mean it can't
• 1:16:15
  deepen, grow, expand, change. Yeah. It is beautiful to note that it is like there is something
• 1:16:21
  to grieve. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when you go back, do you reintegrate, do you feel that connection?
• 1:16:27
  Again. No. It's a little struggle now because I feel like I'm a different person.
• 1:16:32
  Wow. That's very good. Yeah. Like the independence has taken place. But that's not just
• 1:16:37
  I'll never go back to being a follower of God. You know, maybe it might take time. And maybe I'm
• 1:16:43
  just in a phase right now where I feel like I'm struggling. But yeah, like I do want to go back,
• 1:16:50
  but it's like, yeah, I don't feel the same way anymore. Like even with the people back home,
• 1:16:55
  I'm just like, yeah, we've got a church, but like, are we really like linked like that?
• 1:17:00
  Like are we together like that? And yeah, maybe it's because I'm great. I'm seeing things
• 1:17:05
  differently. Totally. Yeah. It's so natural, especially like you mentioned, you're mid-twenties,
• 1:17:10
  you're, it's like a, you're continuing to figure out what do I believe, what do I feel connected to?
• 1:17:18
  Is there something you are like questioning or doubting or it's more that you moved and the
• 1:17:21
  connection has changed? I think the way it's something I'm doubting and it's not within myself,
• 1:17:27
  it's maybe how people are presenting church like now, you know, maybe we've lost the real idea
• 1:17:34
  of church. And maybe that's my idea of church, right? Like I feel like it's changed. Like now,
• 1:17:40
  churches become such an online thing. Interesting. And I don't know how I feel about it to be honest.
• 1:17:47
  Like I do love church, but I don't know how I feel about now going into church and being filmed.
• 1:17:52
  Yeah. Yeah. That kind of takes that vulnerability, my moment with God away from me.
• 1:18:00
  And while we're creating so much content out of it, you know, it's some of those things I'm
• 1:18:05
  sad, it's sad to watch. I'm like I don't enjoy that kind of content, but like each, or maybe someone
• 1:18:10
  else enjoys it. That's okay. But I think that has really changed how I feel about church as well,
• 1:18:19
  because I feel like, are we, is it becoming performant of? Is it that we need to be a specific
• 1:18:25
  person to now go to church or, you know, do I need to change my whole other state? I love when
• 1:18:31
  people say work life balance. I'm a like life balance kind of person in general. So I don't like
• 1:18:37
  doing something too much. And I feel like now churches have like become the thing of like,
• 1:18:43
  oh, it comes out church. I can't come on a Saturday Sunday, Monday, three of the week we have
• 1:18:46
  church, whatever. I was like, when do I have time for myself to hang with a friend just good to
• 1:18:52
  the beat? You know, it's a lot. That is a lot. Yeah. Wow. I feel like what you're naming around
• 1:18:59
  the performative, how any sort of capturing something changes the experience of it. And it changes
• 1:19:05
  how grounded you can feel in the experience. And so I do believe, you know, they should, well,
• 1:19:12
  I think I dream of like, take free zones of like, this is too sacred to, or like, maybe there's,
• 1:19:18
  I don't know, there's some way of boundaries, you know, this is, there's something here that
• 1:19:23
  deserves being protected. Or you go into a beautiful, you know, sacred space. And it's just like
• 1:19:28
  cameras every way. And I understand why and to each day, oh, and as you said, and maybe I'm
• 1:19:32
  missing something. But it does like make me feel oh, like it's hard for me to access presence,
• 1:19:37
  even when this energy of like, I'm capturing this to show it to people. Yeah. Without judging,
• 1:19:43
  it's more so like, yeah, I do think there's something worth protecting. I actually dream of
• 1:19:48
  creating like a, I call it like the analog collective or like spaces where we can just not be on
• 1:19:53
  our phones. Yes. Because oh, my word. Wow. And those are the most amazing spaces. Hey. So
• 1:19:58
  wonderful. Yeah. Like and presence, we deserve that. And we want that. I just think we, I like,
• 1:20:03
  Trevor Noah had his show last year here. And he, he banned phones. And I was like, yeah.
• 1:20:08
  Thank you. Thank you. That's literally it. Oh, my leader. I'll follow you. Thank you. And as
• 1:20:14
  people were like trying to record, it was called off the record. Yeah. And people came around like,
• 1:20:19
  I don't know, the people who worked there were like, no, you cannot record this. Yeah. We will,
• 1:20:23
  we will. And I was like, yes, we have to present all of us together in a shake moment. Exactly.
• 1:20:29
  So yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. Tappy, it's been so wonderful, like learning from you and receiving
• 1:20:36
  your wisdom and your insight. I'm so curious before we go to the closing section. We'll ask you a
• 1:20:41
  few quick response questions. If there's anything that you wanted to explore that I have been
• 1:20:46
  asked or something you shared that you wish we went deeper into. Oh, no, I think we've covered
• 1:20:52
  everything. Yeah, it was such a lovely conversation. And I loved, you know, sitting here with you
• 1:20:57
  in this moment, you know, I haven't done this in a long time. And I do appreciate the fact that
• 1:21:03
  I'm able to even like reflect back. I don't, I don't do this anymore like that much. And I'm so
• 1:21:09
  grateful to have done it with you in this moment. So thank you. Thank you. That was beautiful. I
• 1:21:14
  love that. I received that and it's such a co-creation. And I feel really grateful to listen to you
• 1:21:20
  reflect on your life and on this journey you've been on. And I'm curious also to learn what you
• 1:21:26
  hope will be next since you are such a visionary in terms of how your life unfolds. I don't think
• 1:21:32
  my life like now fits into South Africa anymore. I think I do want to be much more global.
• 1:21:38
  Going on to global platforms. I see that things. Thank you. Yeah. And, you know, explore what's
• 1:21:45
  out there for me. I think, yeah, I'm not sitting firm boundaries. I'm like, I want to do all goals
• 1:21:51
  rather. Like I want to do one, two, three. But now I'm like, actually, maybe like I'll explore and
• 1:21:56
  like I'll pivot in a moment, you know, I don't need to have anything figured out. I'll see it
• 1:22:02
  as it comes. And yeah, like life is forward living. Then again, it's just stunning sentence.
• 1:22:08
  It's so true. Life is for living. It's so like luxurious somehow. I feel exactly way.
• 1:22:15
  Wow. Thank you for sharing that with us. I'm going to be thinking about that as I move through
• 1:22:19
  my life this week, like in this month. Life is for living. Yes. And it's where you started,
• 1:22:25
  where you love dancing and going to the beach and like living. Wow. What a gift. Okay, wonderful.
• 1:22:31
  So we are now at our closing. I'm still figuring out what it's called. But let's call it the
• 1:22:36
  Solsolon farewell for now. The Solsolon for farewell for now. And it's going to be five questions.
• 1:22:43
  And the invitation is to answer in one or two sentences. And just completing the sentence.
• 1:22:48
  Okay, perfect. So the first question is, if my inner child walked through that door, I would say to her.
• 1:22:57
  Oh, love your jeans. Love your jeans. Don't let anybody stop on your jeans. Yeah. It will come true.
• 1:23:06
  It will come true. Oh, that's beautiful. That could be like a ringtone, what you just said.
• 1:23:10
  Love your dreams. And I like that idea of don't let anyone stop on your dreams.
• 1:23:14
  Yeah. Stunning. We all need that. The next question is, if yourself in 10 years from now,
• 1:23:19
  walked in that door, what would you ask her or say to her?
• 1:23:23
  Oh, like did I need to have it figured out?
• 1:23:28
  Did I? Oh, well, life just worked out. Yeah.
• 1:23:34
  Hmm. What do you think she'll say? No, actually, I think she should just be like, no, you
• 1:23:40
  don't. I think life will just work out totally. Yeah, it will be okay. Totally. Look at like,
• 1:23:45
  yes, it will be. It will be. It will be. It is more than okay. I feel like you would destined to
• 1:23:50
  live a magic. You are already just like, yeah, going to live an incredible, expansive life.
• 1:23:58
  Okay. The third question is, something I am trying to give myself more permission to do right
• 1:24:04
  now is live in the moment. Yeah. I think I love creating a story. I love it so much.
• 1:24:10
  Like, if you watch my Instagram stories, you'll see that I love creating a story.
• 1:24:16
  So, but I want to live in the moment more. As you said, like, you don't know for like, I just
• 1:24:24
  maybe I do want to film and not post it. You know, just have it for my memory. Yeah. I want to live in the
• 1:24:30
  moments. I enjoy it. Yes. Oh, live in the moment be present. And I love what you're thinking about,
• 1:24:37
  like, what can help facilitate that presence. Yes. Okay. The fourth question is, if there's one thing
• 1:24:44
  you take away from this conversation, I hope it will be. Oh, don't give up on yourself. Yeah.
• 1:24:53
  I could have given up, but I didn't. But that was the support of my family and friends and
• 1:24:59
  everybody who has worked this journey with me, but during the time of yourself, like, it does get better.
• 1:25:05
  Yeah. Oh, oh, wow. Wow. And if there's something that my message, your message,
• 1:25:12
  helps you to have more permission for what would that be? I feel I'm of expression. Yeah.
• 1:25:19
  Express yourself. Yes. And it doesn't need to be through speaking.
• 1:25:23
  It could be art. It could be painting. It could be anything that you love doing. I think,
• 1:25:27
  yeah, have the freedom to express yourself. And yeah, stand your ground. Like, literally,
• 1:25:34
  do you watch what you want to do? Oh, love that. Wow. Yes. That has been such a beautiful theme and
• 1:25:40
  something that I'm receiving from you is have the courage to express yourself, even when you're
• 1:25:44
  afraid, even when you're afraid of judgment or being misunderstood. Like, you mentioned that
• 1:25:50
  you have something that no one else in the room can say. Yeah. And who's going to say it, if not you?
• 1:25:54
  Exactly. So that and again, it could be paint or write poetry or music, but express, express,
• 1:26:00
  express, which is so wonderful. And I also, I think of it as like the idea of seeds and how we are.
• 1:26:09
  I think there's that saying, I don't know who said that. I think it was a rapper.
• 1:26:12
  I like to buckle something, but they tried to bury us. They didn't know we were seeds. And I think
• 1:26:17
  about like apartheid and colonialism and all these ways that like look at you like you have a
• 1:26:22
  voice. The one thing they didn't want exactly. Exactly. Yeah. That's wonderful.
• 1:26:28
  Wow. I'm okay. That's wonderful. I'm so grateful to have shared space and time with you. It's
• 1:26:34
  such a gift to learn about your story, about resilience, about your message and what you hope for
• 1:26:39
  the future and how you are leaning into alignment and trust. And I think that there's just so much
• 1:26:45
  from this conversation that I'm so excited to go back to and listen to. And I always know in a
• 1:26:50
  conversation, there's so many threads that you've offered that I wasn't able to pick up on, but I
• 1:26:55
  am so grateful for the ones that we were able to go into. And it's been such a gift to be with you.
• 1:27:00
  I'm so inspired by your work and your story. And we're also lucky that you are so committed to
• 1:27:06
  sharing your voice and story. And that you have a perspective that you insist on sharing. I think
• 1:27:12
  that is so powerful. And it's it's such a generosity. And I think it's important to be grateful and
• 1:27:18
  express appreciation for people who do show up that way. Yeah. Because it takes a lot of work. It
• 1:27:22
  takes a lot of devotion. So we thank you. Thank you so much. Where can people find you? Follow you.
• 1:27:28
  Stay in touch. Yeah. Instagram. Okay. Yeah. Some handles at Tappy Seams. I mean. Yeah. That's
• 1:27:35
  you can look at me up on like LinkedIn as well. If you're like professionally connecting.
• 1:27:40
  And then that's just my name and surname. Okay. But yeah, I'm looking to do like more creative projects
• 1:27:46
  this year. So hopefully many more platforms off that. Yeah. Oh my word. Incredible. But also if you go
• 1:27:52
  on Tappy, when you go on her Instagram, her link tree, you will be you'll get lost in just you
• 1:27:58
  can learn so much. If this conversation brought up anything for you around wanting to learn more
• 1:28:03
  about any of Tappy's work and messages about diabetes, about advocacy, about health and global
• 1:28:09
  health topics, I found it so inspiring to just sit with your work and your words. So I think
• 1:28:15
  the listener will as well. And we're sending so much love to you. Thank you for listening.
• 1:28:20
  Thank you for watching. Is there anything in particular you want to say to anyone watching
• 1:28:23
  this who is any of the things topics we mentioned is has diabetes or anything that we mentioned
• 1:28:30
  that you just want to say is there any shout out you want to give? Oh, okay. I'd say find
• 1:28:36
  you're a perfect health care team that works for you. That's that's also one of the things maybe
• 1:28:42
  that we might have missed out on as well. Sometimes health care providers are not meant to be like your
• 1:28:48
  health care team. But you'll find the team that works for you and also ask questions be like
• 1:28:55
  inquisitive, like just ask, ask all the questions that you want to be answered, have answered,
• 1:29:00
  and walk into those rooms like confidence, like it's very important. But you're just be like
• 1:29:08
  be willing to learn. Being having a condition like diabetes or like bipolar is all about learning
• 1:29:14
  each and every day, Google and then go ask your doctor about it literally. It's very important.
• 1:29:20
  Don't just be passive. It's very important that you're actively involved within your health
• 1:29:27
  like your journey as well. An active participant, that wordiness of even asking things that you
• 1:29:33
  think are whatever questions is nothing that you deserve to know. You deserve to know. You deserve
• 1:29:38
  to like get the best treatment. So God then ask those questions. And have your perfect team. We are
• 1:29:44
  hoping that for each of you to receive the health we need and dreaming of a world where that is
• 1:29:49
  the bar for all of for all of the world. But sending so much love to you and thank you so much Tappy.
• 1:29:54
  I'm so moved. I'm so grateful. And I hope this is not our last conversation. Definitely do not.
• 1:30:00
  Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you everyone for listening, for watching, sending so much
• 1:30:04
  love to you. And let us know in the comments what resonated with you, what you learned from this
• 1:30:09
  conversation and make sure to go follow Tappy on her Instagram. We will link to that in the show
• 1:30:14
  notes. And what a gift. We hope you have a wonderful weekend and go do something that brings you
• 1:30:19
  the alignment that started off this conversation and sending deep, deep, deep gratitude to each of
• 1:30:23
  you. Thank you so much for listening and watching. I'll have you by my darling, my love, my soul,
• 1:30:30
  sibling. Thank you for stepping into the soul salon. If you are still hearing or watching this,
• 1:30:35
  we are soul siblings. We are resonating on the same frequency. And so something you may struggle
• 1:30:40
  with that I struggle with is the fear of being seen. You know that visibility is involved in you
• 1:30:46
  living your creative purpose and being in your power, serving the collective through your gifts,
• 1:30:52
  through your magic, through your medicine. In order to do that, you know you need to be
• 1:30:57
  more seen than you are allowing yourself to be right now. I have a gift just for you,
• 1:31:03
  heart made for us on this frequency. And it is a free ebook called the soulful visibility guide
• 1:31:10
  that is soulful visibility like we don't just want to be seen. We want to be felt. We want to be heard.
• 1:31:16
  We want to move and be moved. So I do have a free gift for you. And all you need to do is go to my
• 1:31:21
  website, I understood dot com. And there you will be able to input your email address and receive
• 1:31:28
  this directly to your inbox. This is such a juicy and delicious guide. And I change the free
• 1:31:34
  offering every few months. So you know, get it while you can. All the links are in the show notes.
• 1:31:39
  So thank you so much. I love you. And I will see you on the next sole session. Okay. I love you. Bye.