Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / LDS Garments, Modesty & Temple Worthiness: Why I’m Rethinking Dress Standards, A Personal Reflection on My Faith Journey
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:28) Hey everybody, I am actually excited to talk to you about this topic today that I have not been so excited about. It's been heavy. It's been a journey for sure. And in fact, I had just done a recording and for some reason at minute seven, it stopped recording. And I was like, oh my gosh, you've got to be kidding me. I felt so good. And all the words I thought were so perfect. Which is funny because I didn't think talking about dress standards and modesty and garments was what I was going to feel good about doing today. But I feel a lot better after that first non-recording. And this is take two. Just a reminder, I don't have a script for any of this. This is all just ad lib. And I don't have any bullet points other than what I just mentioned. So. I'm feeling a lot lighter this second take than I was the first one. So let's do this. ⁓ The new Latter-day Saint garment, first of all, for those who are unfamiliar with it, ⁓ as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we wear ⁓ an underwear set. It's like a tight biker short above your knee. The length of it varies. And then a tighter top. that has like a little a cap sleeve on it. Again, the length will vary, sleeve length will vary depending on when you purchase your garments. The styles change, the fabrics change, the lengths change. And recently there was a big change in the sleeve length for women. I'm not so sure about men. I guess it wasn't even that big of a change, but it seems big. And that's something I'm going to talk about today. And, ⁓ Yeah, so it's evolved throughout history since the founding of the church. I don't know a ton of the history. I thought I was going to look that all up and do some research before having this chat with you all, but that was not going to happen. Today was the day to do this. So here we are. But I do know that it has evolved. It was ankle length to wrists, and now it is much shorter and probably a lot tighter. And let's be honest, comfortable too. fabric has evolved as well. So there you go, little synopsis of that. ⁓ How you start wearing them is you go through in Latter-day Saint Temple by doing the things that it takes to go through the temple, which a lot of it is being honest, serving others, ⁓ wearing this garment, paying your tithing. ⁓ I don't have them all, but you can find them online. And then you go in through the temple through a ritual process. I don't think it's anything crazy. Again, you can look at more information online. But it's very representational of like the creation of the earth and then the Adam and Eve story. and then death and passing through the veil and ending up living with God again and your loved ones. So it's very symbolic ⁓ and you make promises and I don't, which we call covenants and I don't remember what they are off the top of my head but essentially it's obeying the law of chastity, ⁓ living the gospel of Jesus Christ, abiding by the commandments and scripture. serving others. Again, I don't think anything crazy and the wording of this has changed over time, but the promises that we make are the same. And then you say that you'll wear the garment as a remember of Christ and as a representation of taking him on and for protection. Okay, I hope I did that justice. but you can find more of this information online, which is really awesome. The internet has changed so much of the information that we can share with the world. So why I want to talk about this today. I didn't realize that I had big feelings towards the garment until a little bit ago, particularly when Instagram went crazy in the Latter-day Saint community with. these shorter sleeves. It's like one or two inches. It's not even that much, but it seems like a big deal. And it is a big deal in a positive or negative way for some people. And I just wanna say that if you have an awesome, beautiful relationship with your garment, that is awesome. And that's amazing. And you created that. And you like having that. That's awesome. That is not my experience. I... I've always just worn my garments because I said I would. I don't think about Christ when I put them on. It's not like this thing where I go through my covenants and I remember them. Like it's just my underwear. Like I just put it on. I wear them, right? ⁓ I remember the covenants I make because I just do. I just think about them. I think about Christ. I pray to my heavenly parents and my heavenly help and I ask how I can serve and how I can help. I'm trying to better understand the gospel and the scriptures and how can I, what does it really mean to live the commandments and what might they be? So I'm asking questions and I'm I'm striving to better understand the gospel and live it. So I just live it. Like the garments have never been a big deal for me. ⁓ But when it became a big deal on social media, I actually had a lot of negative feelings come up and I wasn't expecting that. And I was really frustrated. And my sweet friend Karen can attest to this because she got the brunt of it. And I didn't realize I was frustrated until I was seeing these videos of ⁓ women wearing tank tops with the garment. And it's not even that I was angry that I could see their shoulders. In fact, I was really thrilled that we have finally come. this far and I have lots of thoughts about modesty and dress standards, standards in general, but I am realizing that a lot of the way that we do things in religion is because that's how we're doing it in the world at that time, particularly North American ⁓ way. ⁓ So I don't blame the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. ⁓ for the way that we do things a lot of the time, especially when it is the same way that everybody is doing it, like just society in general. ⁓ So with shoulders showing, people of other cultures and religions, that is a big deal. ⁓ You are, in fact, as Latter-day Saints, we dress way more lax than other. people of other faiths and cultures dress. And it just makes me wonder like, why do we put so much emphasis in our clothing? It's just a covering for comfort, for expression. Like why do we have to make it mean so much about someone's value and worth? by their lovability. I can see how dress standards are helpful, like in a workplace. Like it's nice when you go to Target and you see someone in a red shirt and a tag, like, oh yeah, they can help me. But how often are dress standards actually helpful? I've heard people say that there's research that if you wear, like, your best. to an interview or whatever, you perform better or you show up better or you show up more confidently. Well guess what? It's not the clothes that did that, my friend. It's your thoughts. You gave power to the clothes that therefore gave you power. Like, it's backwards. The clothes didn't do anything for us. It's what we think about our clothes. So if you just think I am awesome and amazing and totally qualified for this, No matter what I'm wearing? Huh. That could be cool. I am completely 100 % lovable no matter what I wear. Huh. Interesting. And what's your intent? Like, all right, if you're wearing a shirt that says certain things with the intent to offend other people, okay, that's kind of not cool, but. You're expressing yourself, I guess, right? Trying to be authentic. And that's the thing. We just all want to be... We just want to be loved and accepted as who we are. And a lot of us don't even know who we are. We've never even taken the time to think, who do I want to be? Like what expresses me in my truest self at this moment? And if I need to go through my goth phase, sweet, I'm gonna go through it and it might last my whole life, but I can change my mind at any time. Right? You can change your hairstyle, you can change your clothes and styles are constantly changing. Heck, you might love a style and then all of a sudden it's not being made anymore, right? So you're forced to evolve and change and find something new that helps you be who you wanna be. I just find it so interesting that we have so much power to close to inanimate things that in my mind don't actually really need to matter as much as we think they do. ⁓ So that leading into garments, I just was super frustrated that this, my underwear basically was taking up so much time and growing up. ⁓ Not even the garment itself, but as youth you don't wear them as a teenager and as a kid. You don't wear them until you're older and you not that much older. I mean when you graduate high school, you can go through the temple and start wearing the garment and Again, before, I'm not trying to speak disrespectfully. I'm really not. I'm just trying to be honest and provide information and perspective. And if you don't agree with me, that's totally fine. And I know that there are people that also have views as I do, but I don't understand why we all have to have the same view and why it's a problem if we don't. ⁓ In fact, I think the bigger problem is, of circling back to clothes like why is it such isn't the bigger problem how much we judge each other judge each other for how we wear or don't wear the garments Like what is the actual purpose in wearing them? If anything is to remember our savior Jesus Christ and the promises that we make to serve and lift and love, and yet we spend so much time, do you spend worrying about how other people are wearing them? or are not even wearing them. And then what do you make that mean about that person? Huh. I wonder if that's, if the garments really are a thing that our Himalayan parents want us to do, then what was the actual purpose? And I'm open, I'm very open to seeing all of this evolve and change. It already is, like I said, the styles are already changing significantly, the fabrics, all of it. ⁓ And you have an awesome, beautiful relationship and you love your garments, fabulous. That is not my experience. And I'm okay with that. And I'm figuring out what that's going to look like for me. ⁓ I said I would wear them. And that is something that you say that you do in order to be able to go into the temple. I have lots of thoughts about temple worthiness and temple interview questions, but that will be for another day. For now though, I said I would do it and I'm doing it. I'm seeing, I'm figuring out what that looks like for me. ⁓ I guess I was just so tired of it taking up so much bandwidth when it comes to clothing decisions. ⁓ It felt like a lot. And I, my sweet husband, when I was in the thick of my frustrations asked me what was going on. I just broke down. I just said all the things and the words like modesty and standards and judgment all came out. And as a youth not being able to wear tank tops. Like I'll never forget when I was in eighth grade, volleyball, I was playing volleyball and we got these new jerseys that were like a wide three four inch sleeve, but they didn't have a sleeve sleeve. It was a wide tank top and I remember being like, is it okay if I wear this? And it was a big deal. And again, if you, it's not a problem. If tank tops aren't your thing, like you get to wear whatever you wanna wear and be comfortable in whatever you wanna be comfortable in. I just don't understand why we villainized bodies so much and made our body parts mean so much about your worthiness and lovability. and as means to judge each other so much. And I've thought about my options. I'm like, okay, well, if I'm so frustrated, I could just stop wearing them. Again, I said I would, and I do wanna honor that if I'm going to participate in going to the temple. But I looked at it from a different perspective. like, okay, let's say that I do. Let's say I get rid of the garments completely and I am not going to wear them anymore. Well, I still gotta wear some sort of underwear, because I don't have to, but I want to. man, there's so many styles and so many rises. And I kind of have a big tush. And I remember back in the day, like when I would wear underwear, like I had to make sure that they wouldn't come down with my jeans, my low rise jeans and show off my crack. So, ⁓ man, I'd have to go back and find that again in fabrics. And I don't like lines. I'd rather have one above my knee or mid thigh than up by my tush. So. Gosh, I'm gonna have to try fabrics again and styles and oh, that doesn't sound like fun either. And bras on my skin don't feel great. So I wear the garment first, I put that on and then I put on my bra and then I put on my shirt and I've done that for so long. That's just how I was taught. You can do it either way. You can wear it underneath your garments or on top. And I have done that for so long that when I went and tried the bra right on my skin, like like rubbed and chafed, was like, oh, this is so uncomfortable. So again, like I've considered just stepping away from that and going back to bra and undies. And that doesn't sound like a great option either. And again, zero judgment from me on if that's something you're doing, but it is something I have genuinely considered. And I guess I'm just bringing up like my thought process and my work processes. I'm... sorting this out and making sense of it and trying to figure out how I'm going to do this and if it actually matters. And I have concluded, I don't think that it does. ⁓ You might not like that. And I am obviously not a leader of the church in any way, but I have a hard time believing that clothing means so much to our heavenly parents. ⁓ But it's how we're doing things and I understand the intent behind garments. I do. But I think there are other ways of creating the outcome that we actually want ⁓ of remembering our savior Jesus Christ and the promises that we make in the temple, the covenants, which ultimately are how we choose to live lives of love and service and which is a beautiful thing to me. I really believe it's awesome. And people of cultures and all throughout time have worn things as symbols of devotion, right? From headdresses or caps or ⁓ aprons, painting, ⁓ markings on your body, tattoos, jewelry, crosses, right? ⁓ As humans throughout time, we have just tried to make meaning of what's important to us. of what matters to us. I actually wear a little cross necklace now that I never take off and I tend to reach for it. And I just did in this moment. and I chose this symbol and it means a lot to me. But even then, like, I don't need it. I don't need it to remember the kind of person that I want to be. I'm doing the work to figure that out and discover that through study and prayer and meditation and journaling. I'm intentionally deciding who I want to be and how I want to show up in the world and what matters to me. And it's through my thoughts and my actions. I do that. Not by... and obviously what I choose to wear is an action. But I do it with intent. And... I love it. I love who I'm becoming. And allowing myself to evolve. And I hope you can do the same. And see who you actually could become. When you... put in the effort and ask the questions. ⁓ Anyway, those are all my thoughts, I think. I could go into more about modesty and whatnot, but that doesn't seem relevant right now. ⁓ but it is interesting. the things that we put a lot of emphasis on or don't put a lot of emphasis on. And I think this is a good time to ask like what really does matter, what matters most. And let's put our energy into that. Okay. All right, my friends, I'm cheering you on. This human experience is an interesting one. And. The more love and support we can give to each other even when we don't agree, the more peace and joy and unity we will experience. So, all right, make it a great day.