Latest / The Bold Lounge / Chelsey Goodan: Empowering the Next Generation of Bold Women

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Chelsey Goodan: Empowering the Next Generation of Bold Women · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Whether they face challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Today I have an incredible author of Underestimated.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: She has been an academic tutor and a mentor for 16 years, with a particular emphasis on the empowerment of teenage girls.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: She speaks regularly to audience about gender justice and serves as a mentorship director of democracy, working to support girls from underserved communities into leadership positions.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: She's also a board member for A Call to Mend, a national gender-based violence prevention non-profit that educates men and boys about healthy masculinity.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Her book Underestimated the Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls has been recommended by Oprah Daly and Oprah's Book Club, both saying if you have a teenage girl in your life, you need to read this book.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Chelsea Gooden's passion to explore humanity's potential for authenticity, liberation and empowerment permeates all of her work.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Welcome, chelsea Gooden's Passion to Explore Humanity's Potential for Authenticity, liberation and Empowerment permeates all of her work.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Welcome, chelsea, to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you, so happy to be here.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So we're going to jump right into being bold, and I bet you have an incredible definition.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: What is your definition of bold?
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: My definition would be the courage to go against the status quo and not care what people think, and do something unexpected that is in alignment with your own authenticity.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, excellent.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: So some cool words in there.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: So going against the status quo or the convention that may be expected of you, or something that someone has said, oh well, this is your next step.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: And you're like, well, actually, no, this, I'm going to go left versus right and then doing something unexpected.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: So, when you think about your definition, what's a memorable, bold moment for you?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I was actually thinking of like my earliest bold moment where I felt that as that was kind of how I took the question it was when I was nine and I was at a professional baseball game with my dad and I.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Someone sang the national anthem and I was like I want to sing the national anthem.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: And I wasn't like a singer or anything, You're just like.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: I sang the national anthem.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I never even sung the national anthem.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: How cool is that.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was just like a really fearless kid who was always surprising people and doing whatever I wanted and not caring what people thought, and that was what definitely fed my boldness, yeah.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It sounds like you had support to be you, to be authentic, to just put it out there, go for it, you know, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: But we've learned for it and we've said we've tried, you know.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: So would you agree?
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: That kind of helped you boost your boldness throughout your life.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: A hundred percent, yes, I mean.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: But then my parents in different ways.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: My dad was definitely the one that was always like dream big.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: If you have a dream, let's just make it happen, let's do it.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: He, however, he could support that, and then my mom was very much supporting me just being quirky and weird and not like everybody else.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: So you know, I have a story in my book about how I wore an exercise sweat headband for like a solid year of elementary school and you know she remembers looking at all the you know quote, unquote judgy moms, as she would call them, and she can wear whatever she wants.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: You know my mom, really stood up for me, or like I'd wear two different colored socks, or something like that.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: My mom was always like supporting that part of me.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: So you've been a tutor and you've had a lot of experience with working with teenage girls and kind of being in the environments and seeing it over the years.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: You know, from the time that you were a teenage girl to what you're seeing now.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: What are some of the things that are impacting teenage girls today that didn't impact us?
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, I know I'm always like I'm so thankful social media wasn't a thing when I was in high school and middle school, so I know that for me would be.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: I would think would be a major contributor to some of the things that are happening.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: But there's others, sure.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Definitely.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: And I will say, and we can get into where there's actually a lot of similarities to like how we're continuing the same old patterns of how we socialize girls, and it carries into what hasn't changed that maybe should have changed, right, exactly.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: So there's a huge conversation there.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: And then the conversation you just asked is you know what is different?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: And, of course, social media is, hands down, one of the biggest things that's been incorporated into their life.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: That, for me, it's lots of topics, whether it's body image or beauty standards, or how they relate to their friends and connect with friends or find community or able to pursue interests in a different way that they have.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: They have a lot more access to information.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: So, and it's not all bad Like yes, there are incredible harmful effects of social media that many people highlight a lot, and I'm so in the trenches with the teenage girls, right, like they talk to me about everything, so I'm not a person to just throw it all away, because I know how much the girls also like it, right.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: And.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: I ask them, like what does work about?
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: this Well, you're on social media and I'm on social media and we're like powers for good.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely no, it's not all negative.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Well, and it's not.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: It's not going anywhere too.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: A lot of people kind of want to fight a futile war against it and I'm a little bit more like no, let's actually give the girls tools on how to navigate it in a healthy way that makes sense for them, and they're super capable of that.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: And that's again where we're underestimating them is.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of fear projected onto them, a lot of like they're a victim to the awful social media or the awful beauty standards of this world, and what I've seen is you can really empower a girl to have a smart perspective and take responsibility for her choices, and she wants to be a part of the conversation and her voice be respected in the conversation.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so what hasn't changed since you were a teenage girl to now?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: That should have changed by now or evolved.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: A lot of my experience has been these kind of wounds that we have as women started in our teenage years and we carried them into womanhood and it's stuff like people pleasing perfectionism, shame, so many different types of shame, self-doubt, you know, like the inner critic voice.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: A lot of those habits set up shop in our teenage years and I see the socialization of the girls being getting so much messaging that they need to be perfect and likable at all times From their mom, mom, society, everyone, media, like it's a pretty solid all around messaging Teachers.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: You know, I think a lot and lots of times it's not, it's well-intentioned, it's like, oh well, if you just get good grades and I put all this pressure on you to do that, then you'll succeed and you'll be okay in life.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: And you know people just parents want their kids to be okay, right, and.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: But what girls in particular don't have a lot of space for is messiness and mistakes and imperfection and that which I don't see with boys Boys, they can be pretty messy and make a mistake and they don't absorb it into their identity as like I am a failure, whereas I do see that happening with girls and that to me, then carries into womanhood in a real limiting way, where we're always like learning how to put on a show.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: You know the smile of like it's fine and all is good, and we're not actually really connected to our truth or authenticity.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: You know, and actually our boldness, right Like what makes us more fearless.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Instead, we're trying to make sure everyone around us is okay, everyone's needs are taken care of, everyone likes us, and there's a disconnect there.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you think girls absorb it more than boys?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: What sets us up for that absorption factor?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Because for me like okay, how do we solve for that?
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Right, I wrote the book right.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, read the dang book, yeah.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Talk about how do we limit or protect ourself for some of the absorption?
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: And then, as a mom, I'm thinking like so I have a 27 year old, but obviously you know she was a teenager at one point.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm thinking like what did I do?
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Like in my mind as a mom, like what could I have done differently?
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Or what you know, after reading your book, like oh man, I did that too, like you know.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: So trying to get back to like how do we prevent it?
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: And then second question would be like, once we know we did it, like what can we do as a parent now of a teenager, to, kind of after we read your book, how do we get at it?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah great.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: So I, you know I provide a lot of actual tools and communication techniques throughout the book.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: So it's hard to like say huge overall, but part of it is creating space for that middle gray zone and not thinking in binaries all the time Like you are a failure or you have done it perfectly.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: And I do a lot of messaging that perfection doesn't exist anyway.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I mean the amount I tell that to girls and how long it takes for them to really absorb that as true, and that there's this whole entire middle ground, which is where we learn, it's where we grow and then actually saying that out loud well, we make mistakes, we learn from them.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: That's the point.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: That's like part of life we all you know, and just making sure they understand that that is the part of life, that there is no jumping from zero to 10, because they think that the girls think that.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: Well, I think adults.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of the things you say, even as a, you know, a 50 year old woman like I think women believe that you know and well a lot of the book is about also healing our own inner teenage girl as an adult right Like we need, like us doing our own work to heal these types of wounds that, again, usually started in those years can be really helpful, and so I am trying to kind of bridge that gap, because also a parent who maybe did does currently have a hard time, like a contentious relationship with their daughter or something.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I find that those triggers that is making that kind of tension happen often has to do with our own, our own baggage around shadows, right yeah exactly so.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: The more you can do your own healing around your own triggers of your own inner teenage girl, the more you're going to be able to approach your own daughter with just that genuine curiosity, no judgment, just meeting her exactly where she's at no secret agenda, because that is where the real connection happens, where she feels heard, where she's at no secret agenda, cause that is where the real connection happens, where she feels heard, where she feels understood.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: You know, teenage girls feel judged in general by society, by their parents, by everyone, and it's that judgment of needing to be something else, like more perfect, like there's just so much telling them that they're not enough and so the more you can give, vocalize it.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: And so I, you know, I share an example in the book where a girl was just so scared of.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: You know, girls are really scared of getting a B in their classes, right or on a test, and I'll often say to them like what, if you get a C, I don't care, you have nothing to prove to me.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I already think you're amazing, I already think you're smart, I know how capable you are.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: Just get a C.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: And it's not like she's actually probably going to get a C, by the way.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: But when she, when a girl hears that she gets emotional.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: She thinks I said the most radical thing on the planet, like she can't believe that.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I would still value her if she got a C on something, because there is such a tie to their self-worth, to things like grades or their looks.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: You know, all these measures we put in place, yeah, which, again I think, continue through adulthood, right?
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: You know, I think I grew up with a mom was like, as long as you do your best to see, is is good, right.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: But I think what I did was I actually put the pressure on myself, like I took on responsibility or created my own pressure of like I've got to get an A, I've got to make sure everything's safe, I got to make sure this or that you know I did that too.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: I think so too.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I don't think my parents because it's not always the parents, by the way, like my parents didn't necessarily put that pressure.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: But I did what you did and put a ton of self pressure and what I found in kind of, you know, the research of this book and everything, it's a.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like a girl's attempt to stabilize her environment and like make sure everything's okay, like that.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Again, it's almost like an appearance to that.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: I'm okay, we're okay.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: If I'm getting good grades, I'm doing really well, I'll be okay.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think mine was connected to um.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I lost my brother when I was six and he was 11.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: So I think I went into this.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I got to make sure everything's okay and that I, you know, don't make anybody worry and that I keep everybody safe.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: And no one gave me that job, but I took it on and I think it, like you know, as you get older it just becomes probably more intense, and I actually took that into my professional career of trying to prevent anything bad or any problem from happening, which is all.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: It's impossible, impossible.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: I realize that your teenage girl self did that though, Like yeah, and I feel for you and I feel like many women have a similar story some kind of spark that was traumatic.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, my parents divorce.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: For me I became like a stabilizing force.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: They didn't ask me to be that, but I and I.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I do think that girls carry emotional burdens of families way more than I see with boys.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, and is that just our makeup, our ability to be empathetic, our ability to absorb, be aware?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's all those things.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I do think boys are capable of these things by the way.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: I think that I mean the boy conversations, another conversation about how, you know, we tell boys from the world tells them like don't cry, be tough, you know, don't be weak, and so they lose a connection to their emotions, like early sometimes, right, and we're all trying to do a cultural shift right now and hopefully inviting boys to have more emotional connectivity in their life and I think that there will see some really good changes with that.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: But girls and their feelings is a whole nother thing, right?
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: So they are feeling everyone in a way bigger way and they have much more connect, connection to their feelings.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: And there's actually a whole nother conversation too about how we squash girls.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: We judge and squash girls feelings as dramatic and emotional and hormonal and crazy and mean feelings as dramatic and emotional and hormonal and crazy and mean, and all these negative words, when really I find another pattern that happens is we we learn how to rest and contain and squash into adulthood and actually teenage girls have a lot to teach us about their more fluid connection to their emotions and feeling their feelings.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one of the things you talk about in the book is not always solving the problem, like helping them, you know, helping teenage girls come up with their own solutions and let it get a little messy, which maybe, as a parent, you want to step in or fix or make sure it doesn't happen, cause you sometimes think, as a parent, I don't want her to go through what I went through.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: So we're going to skip that chapter and I'm just going to like move the piece Right.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: But there's value in the messiness and there's value in the solution.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Can you talk a little?
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: bit about that, of course, and it's helping her develop her own sense of agency and choice and self-trust.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: If you give her that space to come up with her own solution, you are creating space for her to connect, to check in with herself and be like what do I think is best, like what would be right for me and actually to me, that's that authenticity I'm talking about.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Actually where she's, she's even listening to herself and then by having the opportunity to make a choice, she's more likely to want it to succeed, to own it.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: And let's say it doesn't go right, she'll learn from the mistake, whereas if you forced a choice on her, she's not going to really learn from it either direction it goes in.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: They kind of just do it on autopilot and aren't even registering that.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Well, but when and this is for all people right If you own your own choices, you are more likely to want them to succeed, to learn if there was a mistake.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: And then the more she does make smart choices, she develops a self-trust that will carry into adulthood, which is, you know, everyone always is like how do we make girls more confident?
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: And everyone loves dropping that word confident, but I like to break it down into pieces like self-trust and making choices for yourself, or like how to deal with self-doubt.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: You know, like there's there's more complexity to the discussion around confidence.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and as you see, like someone go from 13 to 14 to 15, as they kind of progress through their teenage years.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Are there things we do more or less of as parents or supporters or mentors or friends like to make sure that we're we're not judging, we're not, you know, we're letting them kind of find their way.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Are there things that we ratchet up and ratchet down as parents?
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Well, right.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Well, certainly, as they go into adolescence, like as they get into their teenage years, the more you can empower them to have independence and agency.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: That is the correct developmental stage they should be going through.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: They should not be depending on you for everything, right, but that progression of letting them have more say in their life, and so just one practical tool I bring up a lot in the book is phrasing things as a question, where, instead of just kind of telling them, so if you're scared of judgment, like if she's feeling judged, you can also just ask her and just be like whoa, hey, you feel judged by me right now, like if I did give off that tone I didn't mean to, you know, just actually really respect her voice in the conversation.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: And so by phrasing things as a question, she then knows you're seeking to understand.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: That's the intention behind it, rather than seeking to control her choice.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I've heard mothers or women talk about like the terrible teens, like oh, she's just in that phase of 16 and 17.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And we fight all the time and X, y or Z actually didn't have that with my daughter, so I don't know what that's about.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: But you know and I'm not saying I was perfect or anything like that, but I, we just didn't have that back and forth, or you do this and I do that, and I tell you we just didn't argue a lot, but I do think it is a norm that can happen, but it's also like a norm that I think we need to break.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Like that's one of the ones I think you know.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, the terrible twos, the terrible teens.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: It's just like okay, why does it need to have, why do we need to have that moment?
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: Well, certainly I'm on a.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: That's a huge part of my mission right now because we're underestimating the girls by writing them off or dismissing them and minimizing them.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: They're oh, they're terrible, and they're teenagers.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: The girls don't feel good about that.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: They feel like, okay, well, guess they feel silenced by it.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: They're like, okay, well, guess I'll just stay over here quiet and like be mad because you just don't get me.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: And like you don't even get me, you're just judging me over there, right.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: And I will say, if you have that contentious relationship already set up or actually your question from earlier if, like you know, your, your kid has grown up and you're kind of worried about, maybe, some dynamics that were put into place during those years, I you know the end of the book I talk about making amends and actually doing a real intentional ask of like, hey, you know, is there anything while you were growing up that like I could, you feel like I could make amends for that?
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Maybe I didn't, you know, maybe I didn't handle the divorce well, or maybe I this, you know there's, it could be a serious thing like that.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Or or if you have a current contentious relationship with your daughter and her teenage years, you could say, hey, I just read this book, I've learned some kind of new approaches and I would love to have a restart, like I would love to try approaching you in a new way, and you may be suspicious at first because it's going to feel weird.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: So that's why I'm setting it up as a restart and I want you to know I'm going to really seek to listen to you first and not jump in, and I want to hear you and a girl will respect that type of intention.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I had not planned to write about making amends in the end, but it was girls just kept bringing it up and bringing it up and saying how much they needed it.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: When many of the girls are like I'll never get an apology for my parents, you know like it was really interesting how much repair can really shift the dynamic with your child.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: So I became a big fan of it, ended up putting it in there, and it also models for your kid taking responsibility and shows healthy.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: You know, no, the parents aren't perfect either.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Everyone's a human being, right it's.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: It can be healthy for a kid to see that.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of times we're doing our best and then you know, I know now kind of my relationship with my daughter was like, oh man, that's, that's me like that.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: You know I'm sorry like that you're feeling that way Because that's something that I did as you were growing up or I I embedded that fear or that cautiousness or whatever, because I still carry that.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: You know I'm getting better but like I'm a work in progress.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: You know what one thing is.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: We have the environment of our home environment, which we, you know we've been talking a lot about our one-to-one or how we can, you know, work and partner and support and empower our teenage daughter in our own environment.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: And you know, work and partner and support and empower our teenage daughter in our own environment.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: What role does it play, you know, when it comes to empowering and underestimating potentially a teenage girl in, like their school environment?
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: You know, I think high school and middle school, you know middle school is a kind of a tough place.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Freshman year gets tougher.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: You know, like what responsibility or how can schools use this?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Because I do think, you know there is a point in time each day that are we drop our kids off and pick our kids up, yeah, and coaching too.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely yeah, there's other adults speaking into your kids and I, you know, I'm hopeful the book is definitely.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Teachers, therapists are loving the book, right, like it is getting in the hands of other people who teenagers in a great way.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: And I, you know, I, my whole goal with this book is like being the girl's microphone for what they want to say to the world.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm not trying to be like a parenting expert or anything like that.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: I'm actually like the girls have all told me this.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: You know it's over a hundred girls.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, and the portal for their voices.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: They were heavily involved in the process.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: You know they edited, they give quotes.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I want to do right by them.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: And one thing I just made me think, as you were asking that question in school environments that they have brought up over and over and over just recently, and I feel like I didn't highlight it enough in the book is the just the gender bias, gender double standards that exist in classrooms, the amount of girls that tell me how.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: You know the boys get their hand.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: You know if they raise their hand they get called on more, and there's a lot of research to support just weird things that sound like wait, really, we're calling on the boys in classes.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Still, it's like 2024, right, or gosh.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: Girl just told me a week ago how her applying for honors classes like the boys are just givens into the STEM honors classes, specifically math and sciences, where she felt like she had to prove herself even though she'd been getting A's and she had to like do a whole, like advocate for herself to get into an honors math and honors science class.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: So with STEM in particular, the girls say it's just ridiculous how much they have to speak up for themselves and what is that?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: And that's where I want to shine just light in classroom environments so teachers can be more aware.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: There's also, you know, with coaches we have this old mentality of like no pain, no gain and like this whole, if I just shout at them, they'll learn.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Like I feel we are moving beyond this.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: You know, empowerment is not I'm going to shout at you until you do it better and differently, right.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: And there is an environment with coaching that is has historically been like that and that creates wounds.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: Again, the amount of adults who have told me that like some of their main wounding came from a coach, especially boys.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: Boys feel so wounded oftentimes.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I had my hair pulled by a coach once, like I was playing fast pitch softball and I was batting and, um, I didn't do well and it was practice, it wasn't a game, and I walked off.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: You know like, oh crap, you know I'm pretty hard on myself already, I really don't need anyone to load anything else.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: And he grabbed my ponytail and it was of course then.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: This was in the 90s.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I just remember it happening and I'll never forget it.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: I quit the team right after that, um, and yeah.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: So like that came up, but I don't know what that's connected to in my life no, but let's talk about it because it's common.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: You're, that's not abnormal.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I've heard tons of stories like this and think about it other girls saw it and like, oh my gosh, they knew that was wrong, right, and I don't, I don't even think anyone speak up about it, right.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I didn't even tell my parents.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Isn't that wild.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just didn't.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I didn't.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I just did it because there was so much going on already in our lives.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: I was like I'm not going to add one more thing.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: Well, no, because girls are taught this message that they need to be likable.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: And that would be you being making something difficult, being annoying, like making a fuss about something.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, getting someone in trouble, cause I would, he definitely would have gotten in trouble, right, and the.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: And so we get bombarded by this message.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: And what happened was you put someone else's needs before your own.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: You protected that coach and actually you needed to be protected in that moment.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: And let's talk about, let's incorporate boldness here, right.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Boldness is also just understanding your own needs and speaking up about them.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: Right, that is like a bold thing for a woman to do 100%.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: I'm way better at it now than when I was eight Right.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure you are, and then it's a journey, but like I actually love that you just shared that story because I think it's way more common and I see it still happening for girls today.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and you and you and you know, like I think, just all the things we've heard, you know recently about women's sports and the comparison of salaries and all that stuff but to me those are very important things to think about, like how much someone gets paid but like how much harder they have to work to even be seen is what I'm just amazed that we're not focusing on that.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: You know, ultimately that leads to some of these other things, but I think just being seen as I'm an athlete, just like he is I, you know I have an incredible record I just blasted and like it just now is like getting to the point of people getting how important it is and I would say I'll use the word frustrating that it is still taking time for us to get past some of these things that should have evolved right.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: And so when we're thinking about that and trying to kind of work in in our own world with the impatience, I guess, because I'm really not a patient person at times when it comes to this how can we do our part as adults to really make sure others are aware?
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Obviously, read the book, share the book, buy the book, for you know everyone you possibly can but like, what are the things that we can do daily that help us get the message out about underestimated the key things that are within it?
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: But I think for me, like it's the ripple effect of I know it, you know it, she knows it, more people understand the totality of like, what it can lead to.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, I am right there with you.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: I am so impatient.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: I've been like at this a long time, right, Like I wrote a book and so on, and and then you know, honestly, the first sentence is teenage girls want to scream Like we have understandable anger in us about this situation and you know, oh my gosh, don't be angry.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Don't be angry, the one emotion we're not allowed to be and we'll be judged Right, and that's why I love talking.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, if you're saying what can we do just on a day-to-day basis?
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: It is using our voice, like it is speaking up, pointing it out, saying it out loud, like it happens all the time in micro ways.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: I mean, heck, just like two little kids I'm not going to say who they are, because that's a public podcast, but they were.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: The little boy was like kind of hitting the little girl, right, and they were eight, he's eight and she's six and he was like hitting her and she was getting upset and, I kid you not, she like came over to the adults.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: We were all sitting there and and the adult said to her well, what'd you do to make him upset?
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: And I was like freaked out it was like you guys.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: we need to be focused on him.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: Why did he do that In the first place?
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: He did the wrong thing.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: We need to be telling her he did something wrong and it was just subtle things that you know.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: I think they all thought that was normal for them to say that to her and so I spoke up, I pointed it out.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: I didn't get like mad the way I just got mad.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: I was like, hey, everyone actually dah, dah, dah, dah dah.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: And I spoke up and then they all kind of sat there and they were like, oh yeah, and everyone felt really uncomfortable that they had done something that wasn't good.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: But they hadn't really seen it.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: They were just going with the thing that's normally done or how we talk to.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: You know, I bring up how we talk to little girls and we say what do you usually say to a little girl right away, like, oh my gosh, look how cute you are.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: Like, show me your pretty dress.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: And what do you say to little boys?
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: We're like oh my gosh, what's your favorite subject in school?
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: You know what sports are you playing?
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: We ask them about their interests and activities and and we're telling girls from such a young age that their value is tied to their looks and their clothes.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: And it's just all the subtle messaging, even though it's well intentioned.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're telling a little girl she's cute, like it's fine.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: But I mean the teenage girls in general, like, oh, they are so over any commentary on their looks, their body, their clothes.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I mean it just all feels bad to them.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: And then how we also comment on our own looks and weight and beauty in front of them.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: They tell me constantly, like how impactful all the women in their lives I mean like when a woman is their, their mom or whoever is dieting for two decades of their life, that's, it's normalized for them that, like that's what women do.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: We're just constantly need to be skinnier and and my worth is tied to that.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: That's what that comes out to be.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: And so we, we, and then how normal it is for us to crap on our own body in front of girls and be like, oh well, I don't look good right now, and and they hear that, they see that and they absorb it Right.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: So it's really I just threw a ton of like subtle messaging moments, but they happen all the time, and so the thing that truly is only in our control is ourselves.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: As much as I want to flip that table and fix all the broken systems, which I'm trying to do in my way, I have had to take my own personal responsibility and and find my voice in those moments in a way that's not charged, because people can't really hear it when I'm charged, and then like, how do I be the change?
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would call those subtle bold moments, right Of like saying, hey, I'm not sure that landed Like I wanted it to or did you realize like you said that, and really we should be maybe looking over here and thinking about this?
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, those are bold moments and they're quieter than something like a flipping of a table, which I don't know if that's bold, but definitely Usually you're like at your breaking point by then yeah.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Resentment has piled up.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: I'm more interested in the space right when it is, the more day-to-day bold moments where we're honoring our voice, we're honoring our truth, and it doesn't have to be so, you know.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be so heightened because we do it at the regular practice.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it can be subtle.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: You use that word and I like that.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be like, oh gosh, I got to do one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, like you know.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Just really, it can be subtle actions.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: It can be things you you think intentionally about.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: You know more so than maybe, oh, that's just what my mom said to me, or what you know I'm used to.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: I'm used to that Cause that's how I grew up it is bold to question things.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: You are right.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: You are just modeling right there, questioning, just subtle questioning of like the way it's been done and maybe I could do it differently, and I think that's wonderfully bold.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how do teenage girls help other teenage girls?
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Cause, we're talking like, maybe like from a parent perspective, but isn't there some underestimation that can come between teenagers as well?
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, so everyone loves to tell me, they're like well, aren't girls so mean?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: They're so awful and mean, and I can talk about what mean girls looks like today and it's different, and we are in a huge, beautiful shift.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: This is something that's wonderful about Gen Z that they really do get the idea of girls supporting girls, women supporting women way more than past generations.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: Is it perfect?
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: No, it's not, but there is notable progress.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: Like you know, our generation was.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: There was limited space at the table One.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: They're hiring one woman for that, you know, to sit at that boardroom table and we all have to compete for it, or we're taught to compete for male attention or all these different ways that you know.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Women were actually the person we're up against, rather than you know the system and, like the like, the actual systemic issues that are at play.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: And girls these days they amp each other up.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: They love to.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: You know you can see it in comments on social media.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: You know, like they have a million exclamation points amping each other up, like as much as there's a tension on bullying on social media.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: I love to also bring attention to how much the girls really encourage each other, and they tell me that too.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: You know Taylor Swift's about women supporting women, like they have enough big role models now that have vocally said it, and so they know that's the right thing.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, and now also when there is a mean girl moment, which happens because we're still messy humans.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: And the other cool shift is that this generation, gen Z, is super into mental health and psychology and they're, they have so much more compassion because of it.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: So if a girl tells me like how about this girl that's being so mean to her at school, I'll often ask, like what is her, what's her home life like?
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Do you know what her parents are like?
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: And they usually kind of know.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: They'll be like, oh yeah, her dad's never around or mom criticizes her all the time, and I'm like, oh, like that sounds hard, maybe she's in pain, maybe she's functioning out of a place of pain, and they'll usually the girl will get it and she'll be like, oh yeah, that sucks for her, you know, and like they'll have compassion and it it separates, it being about them, it's not personal, and they really understand the idea of hurt people.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Hurt people and how there's a cycle, and I would say this generation is so much better at understanding that.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one thing I've heard people say is that there's more anxiety with today's teenagers A hundred percent.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: So that's true.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: Do we notice it when we?
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: were teenagers or it's it's truly more Okay.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: No, it's such a good question.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: I've actually been sitting with this myself.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: I have just, not even that long ago, thought that Ed, like, really was coming to that similar conclusion.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: You just said where was like?
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: I think we've always had this anxiety and the girls know how to communicate it today because of their awareness of mental health and psychology.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: They have a word to me I was thinking about when I was a teenager.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I really knew the word anxiety.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I don't think I did either, but I'm pretty sure I had it totally right, yeah, I.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: So I think you're onto something and I've been sitting with the same thing.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: Because you're right, by the way it is, I said yes right away because, yes, there is tons of anxiety.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because we've identified it right, because they've identified it and I and their vote, they actually feel like they can speak up about it more and, thankfully, you know, say their needs a bit more.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Right, we have parents paying more attention to mental health.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: You know like back in the day, a kid being in therapy was, more of a way, rare thing.
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: Now the T.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: I have no tons of teenagers in therapy and I.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: It's awesome Like they are dealing with issues that I know so many women didn't deal with until their forties.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: I have had girls talk to me about their mother wound like a term I didn't know until like five years ago.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: Oprah's talking about that with Brooke Shields Big way right now Exactly.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: I had teenage girls talk to me about it and I will say, you know, the psychology, mental health infographics on social media can be really awesome.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: Like I've had girls come and talk to me about trauma, different trauma responses, because they saw an infographic about it and we're curious like cool stuff like that where we're talking about way more complex stuff that is helpful to them.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: And girls love psychology.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: They love to understand how their brain works.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: So again, it's kind of leaning in.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: I think there's a sense of when you're talking like a curiosity to like that's the word, that kind of like let's explore it, let's discover it, let's understand it or at least learn more about it.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Maybe we never understand it Right, Because sometimes between a parent and child I was like I just don't get it.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: You know like, or I'm just never going to be like that, but that's what she wants to do, or that's how she's a different person, then go for it, right, you know, so kind of in a way loosening up, you know.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: So I think, just helping people understand it's okay to do that.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, totally yeah, and that's what actually helps her have the space with loosening up like a control aspect, honestly, and instead that curiosity is meeting the different human being in front of you.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: And when she has space for that, then she gets space to also connect to who she is, rather than trying to kind of perform it being what people, what she thinks people want her to be.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: And then we get into the boldness.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let's talk about people pleasing, cause I heard that come up and you know that's something that I think many adult women have.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: You also talked about perfectionism, but let's talk first about the people pleasing.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: As you see, those type of moments, like as you mentor and talk with all the teenage girls that you talk to, like what are some of the things that are coming up that we can prevent that from happening?
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Or I'm always about prevention here, I guess.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: I love it, I love how you're thinking yeah, so yeah, I mean, it is a huge issue for girls and women.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: So with girls, you know, you can see it in how often they say sorry and these are like the flurries of sorry.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: I'm not talking about the amounts I talked about before, these are like the oh sorry, Like you see it all the time, like someone bumps into a woman and the woman's like oh sorry, and it's like no, that person bumped into you.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: I was at a group thing the other day and it was quiet and one woman was sharing and this other woman knocked over her water bottle and it made oh, actually a water bottle knocked over and a woman like four feet away was like sorry, and I was like I want a bottle down.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like who cares?
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: Don't take that on the girls teenage girls I'd work with are like saying sorry when they have to go to the bathroom, right, and I'm like, girl, just go to the bathroom, it's okay.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: You know, why do we feel like we need to ask permission for everything and, and it's such a making yourself small and putting your other people's needs before your own, and it's that it's fine too.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: It's fine, it's fine.
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: And it's again creating like shoving down what that we're also just not teaching girls to even think like what pleases me, right, and actually, let's an example in adulthood, right?
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Like you're having a dinner party and you make like 10 different dishes because you just want to make sure everyone's going to be happy at the dinner party or something, and then you're exhausted and resentful and overspent.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: You don't even have fun at the dinner because you're just tired, right, instead of actually checking in with yourself and be like what would please me for food to cook, or like who should I invite?
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: That would delight me.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: Like that I want to talk to tonight, rather than like, well, I have to invite them because they're going to hear about the party and I don't want to hurt their feelings.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Like it's exhausting right, it's exhausting, but we start doing that in our teens and we don't even realize we're doing it.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: Exactly, it's so unconscious yeah.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think you know just being able to again, I think it's a noticing and intentional noticing, a curiosity and and, and you know, asking their questions when they come up and just working on it.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: You know, because I think, like any relationship, it takes work, it's not just going to be automatic or an I told you so or those types of things.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: And I think the thing too, and I don't know what your thoughts on this are, you know, being at my age and just knowing that I now see my parents who are in the late seventies, like, wow, like your parents were not cool to you.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Sometimes your parents, really, they never should have said that to you.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: You know, I can't believe that.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: You know, like, and then I'm just like oh, so that's kind of where that came from, I don't know.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: For me it's still like this education of like relationships too, that maybe you see it and can understand it, but sometimes you might not.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: So just being aware of like it, it might not be you, you know.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and the first step is awareness.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: Like you're right, that's intentional.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: First step is always awareness and then breaking the cycle.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: You are absolutely right.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: There's so many generational cycles that are passed down and and we have been on autopilot passing them down and I actually think this this moment in time, gen Z in particular, are cycle breakers in a huge way, and it is potentially like more access to information too, like you and I, like we're really using the word anxiety because we didn't know it and you and I were probably super smart girls like in our teenage years, we would have been the girls talking about our anxiety had we had access to that.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: And so, like you know, I gosh, I share, like a hard one in the beauty chapter that my mom told me to suck in my gut and she it was like once or twice she said it, she I she doesn't even remember saying it.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: It was by no means ill-intentioned, it was really casual and it stuck with me forever, right, like I had such insecurity about my stomach for so long and I believe it was really just a generational thing.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: Like her mom, she's a victim of the same system, right?
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: Like her mom said it to her and her mom said it to her and we all just hand down these just real subtle patterns, thinking we're being helpful or thinking we're teaching a girl something, and it creates these wounds that we can be like whoa, that wasn't okay, actually, and I'm not going to absorb that and I'm going to make a different choice.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Be careful with your words.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was just.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: I was sitting next to a teenage girl on the plane just like a week or two ago and I told her I would share this on a podcast or a news interview because she it was.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: It's so sweet when the girls realize like I'm going to tell the world what they're thinking.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: So I was asking her all these questions and she said how often people comment on what she's eating.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: It really bothers her.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: They'll be like oh, you're eating that.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow, that's a lot.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: And she was saying how subtle it was, like just those kind of two sentences I said where an adult could just think it's not that big a deal.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: And here is this girl telling a stranger on a plane how much it's hurting her right.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: This is what I want to shout to the world and to advocate for them.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: Like what she feels when she hears that is that she's bad, that how much she's eating is bad, that her body's bad, that she looks bad, like it's just there.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: They feel judged.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, let's flip the script on that and like, really think thoughtfully about the words we use with everyone, but particularly with with children and teenagers and and you know, people who are really just kind of forming their identity and understanding who they are and how they're going to impact the world and how they move about in it.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: And I think sometimes we're careless with that and no one's perfect, but I think, own it when you you make the mistake or you feel like, oh man, I shouldn't have said that, I'm so sorry, you know, like I think that's important too, because we're not perfect, but owning it is really important as well.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, my brother did such a good job of that Just the other day.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: Like my niece asked him a cute question of like why do people get married?
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Like my niece asked him a cute question of like why do people get married?
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: And my like my, his wife was making dinner right at that moment and he just thought he was going to be funny.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: And he was like, oh, so she'd make me dinner.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: And I literally was like what did you just say to her?
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: Like you just told her that a wife's value is making dinner.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: And my brother immediately became aware of it and was like, oh my gosh, why did I just say that?
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: And he like took his daughter, who's eight years old, and was like hey, that was not funny, I don't know why.
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: I just said that Like, of course, your mom is this, this and this and this and there's all these things.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: And he immediately, you know, corrected it and made amends and stuff.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: But you know, my brother is pretty mindful person and still just came out of his mouth and was teaching his daughter in that stupid joke that like a wife's role is cooking dinner.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: I mean, oh my gosh, in 2024.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like stop that.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: So again, I don't think it's always intentional or from a bad place, but sometimes we're just not thinking and so just be thoughtful and intentional.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: I think this book is incredible and anyone with a teenage girl should have one.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: But I actually think you know, even if you don't have a teenage girl, buy the book, because it might help you understand yourself better than how you're moving about in the world, or maybe some of the things that oh yeah, that was me or that I can relate to, those quotes, or even some of the things we've shared here I've never shared with anybody else, like just intimately, you know, with that.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: So thank you for everything that you're doing to make this change happen sooner and all the information about the book as an episode notes, and please do check it out.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.