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Sober Talk SA - Ken · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to sober talk. I'm Dennis and I've lived
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  experience of alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
• 0:10
  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
• 0:19
  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
• 0:21
  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women who share their experience,
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  strengthen hope with each other, they must solve there come
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  problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no dues or fees for
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  AIR membership. We are self supporting through
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  our own contributions. AIR is not allied with any SEC
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  denomination, politics, organization or institution,
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  does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
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  oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is stir so
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  and help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  Hi, I'm Ken. I'm an alcoholic.
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  My drinking career began when I was about 13, maybe 14.
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  Me and my mates, we started writing music and to to write
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  music and to write songs. We thought we had to get drunk.
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  We thought we had to get drunk to have a good time.
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  And yeah, little did I know that I was frying my brain at a
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  really early age. And and so were my friends.
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  And we partied in in our small town and we partied and we
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  hopped on stage for a few shows. And we were doing really well.
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  This was before we began to get paid for it.
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  And, you know, and even when we did start getting paid for it,
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  when we moved to the city, we'd drink all our money away, which
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  is sad. But yeah, before we left our
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  country town, I got to the age of 17 and my dad died and which
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  was hard for me because he always used to beat me.
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  And I never had any closure. I never had a chance to grow up
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  and to get to know him as an adult and say, hey, why did you
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  beat me so much? Later in life I realized that,
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  yeah, he was a very unwell man and working 12 hour shifts and
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  having to deal with kids and yeah, he he, he deep down was a
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  good man. And, and I've come to realise
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  that thanks to the program that, you know, you got to stop and
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  put yourself in their position, I guess.
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  Anyway, so me and the boys, we decided to move to the city and
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  try our luck in the city. And that's when we began to make
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  a bit of money. And yeah, the money all went to
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  alcohol and other things and the boys seemed to enjoy their
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  drinking. But for me it no longer was a
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  friend. Alcohol was no longer a friend.
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  It was something I needed. I had an empty void in my soul,
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  a hole in my soul that I just didn't know how to fill that
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  hole. I didn't know how to get out of
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  the darkness that I was in. And the only way that I could do
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  that was to drink. But if I picked up a drink, I
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  couldn't stop. And the more I drank, the more
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  that a dark cloud would cover me.
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  And we were in a shared house together, me and the boys.
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  And we came to the point where we had to pay for our pay our
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  rent and pay our bills and, you know, and running a house, we
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  began to argue. And yeah, the band split up.
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  And so I hit, I hit the road. By then I'd had a couple of
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  divorces and, and yeah, walked out on my kids, which I'm not
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  very proud of, but that, that's the way life turned out, I
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  guess. I hit, hit the road and did a,
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  did a geographical and I, I went to Victoria and Tasmania and NSW
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  and QLD and all along the way I was drunk.
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  I, I probably hardly remember what the places I've been.
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  I do know that I was in a country town in NSW and I ended
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  up in a psych ward and yeah, I stayed there three months and I
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  thought that I had all the answers, thought I was really
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  smart, you know, but I really wasn't.
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  And it wasn't until I hit the psych ward that I realised that,
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  you know, even I could end up in a psych ward, you know, it was a
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  soul destroying thing for me. And I got out of the psych ward
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  and carried on drinking. And, you know, I couldn't
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  comprehend that I was hurting myself.
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  I was hurting my mind, bearing in mind that I had been drinking
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  since I was 13. And when your mind is just
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  maturing, you know, I guess at 13, it's not even maturing and
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  you're frying your brain with alcohol, of course you're going
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  to end up in a psych ward eventually.
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  And that's exactly what I did. So I hit the road again and, you
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  know, another marriage and another broken marriage and
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  yeah, so I ended up in Tasmania for a while, for six months.
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  And yeah, it was then that I was starting to black out.
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  The person that I was travelling with, one morning, he had a go
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  at me because he said that I was saying stuff and abusing him
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  and, and threatening him, threatening him and all sorts of
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  stuff. And I had no idea that I was
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  doing that. And yeah, so the blackouts just
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  continued from there on in. And somewhere along the line, I
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  ended up back in SA and my kids did come back in my life, but
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  they saw me at my worst. Everybody saw me at my worst.
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  I was a I'd become a dirty, smelly drunk living on the
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  street and couch surfing. And you know those ex wives that
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  I used to blame, they used to let me couch surf at their
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  house. And my sister used to let me
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  couch surf and, you know, so luckily for them, sometimes I
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  had a dry bed, but most times I chose to live under a tree in
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  the Parklands so I wouldn't have to spend my money on food and
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  and rent because the more money I could spend on alcohol, the
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  better. And yeah, so I hung around the
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  soup kitchen and that's where I'd eat, you know, occasionally
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  my ex wives or my sister would feed me.
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  And, you know, I didn't realise how sick I was.
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  You know, I thought that, you know, I really had my head
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  screwed on right. But ultimately I, I had this
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  dark cloud around me that just followed me everywhere.
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  And yeah, so I ended up coming back to Adelaide or coming back
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  to my hometown, and I found out that I was on the waiting list
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  for a Housing Trust and that I'd come to the top of the list and
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  they gave me a house. I couldn't believe it.
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  And but like I say, I thought I knew everything and I was trying
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  to be a social worker and helping everybody.
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  And before, before long, someone put a brick through my window
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  and I got all paranoid and had to move instead of sticking
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  around and facing it. And then I ended up ended up in
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  my second house and the same sort of thing happened.
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  And, you know, I never learnt my lesson that you got to clean up
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  your own backyard before you try to help anyone.
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  And yeah, so now I'm in my third house and I've actually been
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  here seven years, which is quite a record for me.
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  My wife that I have now, who has stuck by me for 14 years, she's
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  my pride and joy. If it wasn't for her, I'd
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  probably still be a bum on the street.
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  But she helped me do the decor in my house.
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  And. Yeah.
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  And she encouraged me to go to a A and I did.
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  I went to a A and I went in and out of the A A rooms for quite a
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  while before I got sober. I have just gone back to being
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  on stage. The band did get back together
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  eventually. They all moved back here and I
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  now write new songs with these guys.
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  Plus we sing the old songs, but the new song sounds so much
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  better. The words are so much better
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  because I've got clarity. I'm sober and yeah, I went to a
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  camp not long ago. It was on the beach and I met a
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  lot of great A A members and we were sitting around the campfire
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  and having a meeting and just loving each other.
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  And ultimately, that's what a A is all about.
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  We love each other. We we know that we have the same
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  disease and it is a disease. It's an allergy, just like
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  peanuts are an allergy for some. The only difference is when you
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  have the allergy to alcohol, people don't understand it.
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  They they just judge you for it. And I'm proud to tell people I'm
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  an alcoholic. I'm proud to tell people where
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  I've been because when you hit rock bottom and you get up
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  again, you're actually in a position where you can help
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  someone. And I love it.
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  And that's, that's really what a A is all about.
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  It's about love. And you know, when you come into
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  a A and, and you hear the God word, ultimately remember that
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  it's not a, a judge mental guide.
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  It's a, it's a loving guide, a God or a power greater than you
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  that is waiting for you to hand over your, your, your, your
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  illness. And that's what our I've come to
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  realise that alcohol is an illness and I'm just a sick
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  individual. And the only way for me to get
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  any better is to concentrate on my, my program.
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  And it's a spiritual program. Don't let that put you off.
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  Alcoholism is a mental and physical and spiritual disease.
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  And it's, it's like once you pick up that first drink, it
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  create, it triggers off an obsession in your head that
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  makes you want to keep going and keep going and keep going until
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  you wipe yourself out and you wake up the next morning and you
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  don't even remember what you've done.
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  And I hate that I, the last time, the last time I drank, I,
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  I woke up and I went, what did I do last night?
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  And I looked at my finger and my wedding ring wasn't on, wasn't
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  on. And I thought, where's my
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  wedding ring? And I didn't realise until I'd
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  actually had a conversation with my wife that I'd blacked out.
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  And I, I went off my head at her and I threw my wedding ring at
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  her. And you know, that's the ironic
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  thing, you know, US Alcoholics don't realise how lucky we are
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  when something happens to us and we meet someone special and they
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  do do such a, a, a excellent thing in your life and you abuse
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  them when you're drunk. You know, I love my wife and I
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  really love what she's done for me.
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  I'm sitting in my house, She's done the decor.
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  She's helped me make a make this house a home.
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  Whereas if she wasn't in my life, it probably wouldn't be a
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  home. Yeah.
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  So yeah, in in the end, I did come back to a A and I'm really
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  grateful that I came back to a A I'm really grateful to be back
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  on stage and entertaining the audience with, with a good
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  voice, a voice that's not drunk. And yeah, this, this God thing
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  that people struggle with. It's quite a dilemma.
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  And it had me in and out of the rooms because I just really
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  couldn't accept the concept of a higher power.
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  And yeah, now I've come to realize that I've seen a lot of
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  miracles in the room. I, you know, of course we don't
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  mention what happens in the rooms, but man, if I could tell
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  you some of the things that have happened that I've seen people,
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  their lives just transformed the longer they stay sober and the
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  longer they focus on this program.
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  So I couldn't get myself sober and I, as I said, I was in and
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  out of the rooms and I finally came back and I finally got over
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  all my resentments and resentment is something that
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  really kills an alcoholic. And I used to get resentment on
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  all the members and not realizing that we're all broken
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  people and we don't shouldn't judge each other.
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  We should support each other, which most, most of us in AI do.
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  And yeah, I came to a point where I realized that I needed a
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  needed a sponsor. And I'd heard it for years and
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  years, though. You need to get a sponsor.
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  You need to get a sponsor. And it's like, yeah, but who do
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  I trust with all my stuff, you know?
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  And it turns out that you, if you pick the right person,
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  they'll stand by you. And they'll stand by you because
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  helping you helps them to stay sober.
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  And that's what it's all about. It's about passing on the gift
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  of sobriety. And I don't know if you're
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  thinking about coming to Alcoholics Anonymous, but if you
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  are, then you you'll be walking into a room full of love, a room
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  full of laughter, and a room full of people that really care.
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  And I'm even starting to do Zoom meetings now and it's blown my
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  mind what I've learned about technology.
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  I never really realized that I could learn as much as I've
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  learned lately, and all of that is because my mind is starting
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  to heal. My, my spirit is starting to
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  heal and the God word no longer puts me off.
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  I I've come through except that, that I don't need to think about
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  anybody else's conception of a higher power as long as I have
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  my idea of what a higher power is that higher power is taking
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  my alcoholism away. And I can happily say that one
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  day at a time. I'm staying sober and when I'm
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  going through a hard time, I just, I just ring a member and
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  if they're going through a hard time, they might ring me.
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  And it's, that's what it's all about.
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  It's, it's about being there for each other.
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  And yeah, it's, it's such a, a mind blow.
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  I, I used to, I used to think suicidal thoughts.
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  I was really in a dark place. I no longer have to go and see a
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  psychiatrist every week. I probably see one once once
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  every six months. And their attitude is that I'm
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  doing really well. And I always stop and say, yeah,
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  well, that's because of my program.
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  And yeah, I've met a lot of good friends in a, A, The longer I
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  stick around, the more friends I meet.
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  And yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm just so happy.
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  I'm, I've never been this happy in all my life.
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  And especially watching the miracles, watching the miracles
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  happen in people's lives, watching them go from being in
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  tears and losing everything to having their lives restored and
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  their sobriety restored. And yeah, it's only now that I'm
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  really starting to realise that I've I've got an allergy.
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  And yeah, the program helps me to focus on that and focus on
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  the fact that one day at a time I can say no to a drink and one
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  day at a time I can be of use to my fellow travellers.
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  And yeah, so getting a sponsor was a great thing for me.
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  I'm not saying you need to get a sponsor straight away.
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  Wait until you find someone you really trust you know and that
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  might take a while. It took me a long time.
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  The last two people that tried to sponsor me helped me as well.
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  Some of their knowledge has stuck with me and you know, I
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  still one of them passed away, but one of them I still keep in
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  contact with. But this is probably the first
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  time I've actually listened to a sponsor and done what my sponsor
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  has suggests. Your sponsor won't tell you what
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  to do, they'll suggest what you should do here.
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  So I don't know what else to say except I'm really, really happy
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  with my life. I've gone from wanting to die to
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  getting up in the morning and, and thanking my creator for,
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  for, for the life I'm living. I may not see my kids.
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  That doesn't matter as long as I know in my heart that they're
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  OK. And you know, I, I, I have to go
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  forward in my life and, and that's exactly what I'm doing.
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  Yeah, the camp was great. And I can't wait till the next
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  camp and hopefully I might get a chance to meet you, whoever's
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  listening to this and exchange phone numbers with you and keep
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  in contact because that's what it's all about.
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  A, A is a big family. And I never realized that
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  before. I just thought, oh, these people
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  have been sober than me, sober longer than me.
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  They know more than me. And it's not the case.
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  We all have our issues and you know, that's why we need each
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  other. And yeah, I'm a happy camper and
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  I'll still keep coming back. Thank you for having me.
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  Bye. We have local meetings for the
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  full week in the local area. Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00,
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  Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
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  8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at
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  8:00. There's a meeting at Daveron
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  Park at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a maintenance Salisbury
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  at 7:00 and many of the meetings in the area.
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  For details of your local meetings, please phone 1300
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  double 22222. And once again, if anyone you
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  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
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  Anonymous on 1300 double 22222 The website isasa.org dot AU.