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YOUR MIDLIFE REMINDER: NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE · Uncluttered and Unfiltered: The Podcast For Women Over 50

• 0:04
  Welcome to Uncluttered and Unfiltered, the podcast urging
• 0:08
  you to let it go and don't look back.
• 0:11
  We've nationally acclaimed professional organizer Christine
• 0:14
  Stone and self-proclaimed Hot Damn Mess radio and TV
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  personality Eden Kendall welcome.
• 0:21
  Everyone to uncluttered and Unfiltered with a podcast for
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  women over 50 and our subject today, No is a complete
• 0:29
  sentence. Which I love.
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  No, period. That's it.
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  That's it. It's about saying no.
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  It's about not feeling like you have to justify every decision
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  that you make to not attend to something, to not give someone
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  something, to not be something for someone, right?
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  So we're going to get to that and we ask you ladies that are a
• 0:50
  part of our Ladies Only, Uncluttered and Unfiltered
• 0:52
  Facebook group, which by the way, is open for anyone to join.
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  If you go to it on Facebook, we'll make sure there's a link
• 0:59
  in our show notes. We always do, but we asked you
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  to give us some examples of times where you were really
• 1:04
  proud of yourself because you did say no.
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  So we'll share those. But in the meantime, let's do
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  some catching up, shall we? Because since I last saw you, my
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  husband went for his 2nd colonoscopy.
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  Remember a year ago I shared the story that I had been bugging
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  him and bugging him and finally he conceded, got a colonoscopy
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  and they found a 5 centimeter polyp.
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  This was last year. And the doctor told him it is a
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  good thing your wife was such an ad, which gave me all kinds of
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  credibility. So.
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  So he said, I do want to see you back in a year.
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  And let me just spoiler alert, he's fine.
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  Everything's fine. We're we're in the waiting room
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  and in walk some old friends of ours.
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  Oh my God, some. They're parents of our
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  daughter's childhood best friend, and we hadn't seen them
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  in years. And because they always have,
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  you get there so early for a colonoscopy visit, we had plenty
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  of time to do all of our catching up.
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  And we were all just tickled by the idea that we're at that age
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  where you run into friends at the colonoscopy appointment.
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  Yeah, I ran into one of my neighbors in one.
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  Yeah, it's not fun. It's just, you know, you haven't
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  eaten in 24 to 48 hours. Whatever it is, all you could
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  think about is how you just want to get this over with and you
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  have to make small little chit chat.
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  Small chit chat Exactly. Oh, hey, yeah, saw your garbage
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  can out the other day. It's like, Oh my God, I just
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  want to go in there and just go. With exactly, so it was fine
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  seeing them, but when both when my husband was called back, I
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  said, oh, I have some errands to run and I left just because I
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  didn't want to then have to wait 40 minutes continuing the
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  conversation, making the husband feel like he had to continue the
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  conversation. So I just went and ran some
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  errands. But colonoscopies are very big
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  business. If you haven't had one, you
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  know, they have these big clinics around the one in our
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  communities called Borland Groover that we go to, but you
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  may go somewhere different if you live near us.
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  But anyway, it's big giant business.
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  It's like, you know, clockwork, you know, you're in, you're out
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  and it's so fast. And we've talked about this
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  before. It's like a spa day.
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  Clear eye pipes. You know what, the older you
• 3:21
  get, the more you don't dread it when you were younger.
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  You're like, I can't eat for 24 hours.
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  I can't do it. I can't drink that stuff.
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  I can't now. It's like, oh, God, I'm going to
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  get, like, a cleanse. Yeah.
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  And it's going to feel so good. Good nap.
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  You get to sleep all day. You get the propofol, which
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  makes everyone happy even though it's only a few minutes.
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  Yeah. Now you look forward to it.
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  What does that say about aging? And when you take a significant
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  other to theirs, you get to see them all loopy and it's kind of
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  fun. Yeah, it's very funny.
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  So that was one of my stories. The other one was my husband and
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  I went to a concert. Nico Moon is the artist.
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  Great country, tropical, Kenny Chesney style, Jimmy Buffett
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  style, country artist. But we got to the concert hall,
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  the tickets were given to us and we walk in and it is standing
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  room only. It is a stand up concert.
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  Now let me tell you, first of all, I typically do stand for a
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  lot of a concert. I'm that person that I get
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  excited. I'm listening to music, everyone
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  stands and I have no problem with it.
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  No problem with it, but I need to have a seat in case or for
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  the slow songs, it was standing up.
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  So no seats. At.
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  All so I started getting a little crabby towards like the
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  middle to end and my husband said this was so funny.
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  He said stay with me, stay with me, honey, stay with me.
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  Yeah, because I'm in heels. I had no idea.
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  This is like. I thought, and I thought to
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  myself, if Christine were here. She was.
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  Saying this is a nightmare. Yeah, no, I mean, when we went
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  to both concerts that we went to, not only did we have seats,
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  we had great seats. So can you see me standing?
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  No. And this was in the same venue
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  that we saw Shawn Cassidy. No way cleared out all the
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  seats. We walked in.
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  I'm like where are the chairs? I wonder why they.
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  Cleared them. All because they can fit a whole
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  lot more people. And this was a crowd that can
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  stand. We were.
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  Oh yeah, this is a younger, younger.
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  Crowd. OK.
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  Yeah. Need you to say more.
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  I mean, there were definitely, there were definitely older
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  folks there and they were sitting in the seats.
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  But we were gifted these tickets and did not know there was an
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  option and they were sold out in the seats.
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  So we were in the. I'm glad you told me because.
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  You always check at that venue that's.
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  What I was going to say in the future, now I'm going to have to
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  wear really comfortable shoes in case I do have to stand.
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  Well, yeah, just to always check on that.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's right. OK, so no is a complete
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  sentence. That was our topic.
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  And so we wanted to find out if our ladies felt empowered at any
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  point in their life thus far to just say no and be done with it,
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  not feel like they had to over explain themselves.
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  So let's start with Anne and said I've served on the board of
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  directors for the Women's Business Owners Organization for
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  the last two years. One approach this year to see if
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  I'd serve a third year. I politely said no thank you.
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  And I was so proud of myself. And then Sherry chimed in and
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  said she did the same thing for her ladies golf league.
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  She was the president. And in no uncertain terms, she
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  said someone else is going to have to step up this year.
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  I'm not doing it anymore and there's a feeling of pride there
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  instead of guilt. Yep.
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  And that's a lot of work. When you're the president or
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  you're in charge of a whole group of people, everything lays
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  in your lap and it's it's a lot of work.
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  I think you're going to enjoy this one from Sherry.
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  Another Sherry 22 year old family member asked to move in
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  with me for six months to save money.
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  They've stayed with me in the past without any real problems,
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  but I just didn't want to say yes this time.
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  I finally said that I hope it didn't cause any hard feelings,
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  but for my own personal reason I needed to say no.
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  They said no problem and I felt immediately relieved.
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  IA 100% agree with her. I'm just going to say that now
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  my husband on the other hand would let anybody stay in our
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  house. There would be no requirements.
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  OK. I on the other hand am her.
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  I'd be like, I got to say no, I got to get out of this.
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  How can I get out of this? But once I said it, I'd feel
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  like her like so much relief. I'm so glad I said that and it's
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  behind me and over. I agree.
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  The older you get, you want a bunch of people like staying in
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  your house. I mean, it's one thing for a
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  weekend. What if they don't get on their
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  feet? What if it stays?
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  It's. Longer our son moved back from
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  another city and he was paying rent in the other city.
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  So we're like, of course, move in with us, save some money so
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  you're not paying double rent and then also stay a little
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  longer, bank some money so you can move out.
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  And I asked him the other day how the search was going and
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  he's like, it's good. I, I just, I'm holding off a
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  little longer because I don't want a roommate.
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  And I said we didn't want a roommate again either.
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  We didn't He said I don't want a roommate again.
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  I'm getting too old for that. And I said so.
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  So are. We Yeah, yeah.
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  And by the way, once you've had the empty nest and you have to
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  go backwards, it's you're not happy about it.
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  You know what I mean? Exactly, Amy says.
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  I may have mentioned this before, that won't work.
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  Is my best way to shut someone down or say no and I typically
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  it doesn't spark any questions or debate.
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  An example is she said when she first moved to Florida from
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  Indiana, everyone and their brother wanted to visit.
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  It was fun at first, and then it became work and everyone was in
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  vacation mode but us. And it got expensive and tiring.
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  And so finally, when people would say, hey, you know, we're
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  going to be in town, we'd love to come visit, she would say,
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  well, that won't work. And it just kind of ends the
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  conversation right there. You know what I'm going to start
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  saying? Oh, that just won't work.
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  That, oh, I'm sorry, that won't work for me.
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  And then you don't have to say a reason why.
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  I think that's when people feel bad or guilty because they got
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  to come up with a good lie. You know what I mean?
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  On why that won't work. You just say that won't work for
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  me. Yeah, that won't work for me
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  because it'll put me in a bad mood.
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  Exactly. Rena says wow.
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  I have said no before, but always felt it necessary to add
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  why I said no. As I've gotten older, I realized
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  that no is a complete sentence and it's very liberating to not
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  feel like I have to say more. Good, good.
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  And I think that's what happens when you are over 50.
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  You start to say I don't need to say more.
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  I don't need to say more. When I turned 50, I said my
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  resolution for turning 50 is I will no longer do optional
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  things that I don't like, right? And now if someone asks me to do
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  something that I don't want to do, I, I don't necessarily say
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  no and leave it at that. I might say honestly, I, I
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  honestly just don't want to, you know, I just don't want to, but
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  there are times. I always say absolutely not.
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  Well, yeah. That ain't happening.
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  Yeah. And I made a list of things that
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  are non negotiable. OK, let's hear them.
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  OK, I have had when we were out of the country, whatever.
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  Bungee jumping? Absolutely not, will never
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  happen. No matter if everyone's doing
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  it, everyone's going. OK, If everyone jumped off a
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  bridge or a roof, I'm not doing that either.
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  OK, I'm with you on that. That is a hard no.
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  No bungee jumping, no. Skydiving, No.
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  I've skydived. Before.
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  No way. But I wouldn't do it again.
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  Never, ever, never. And I, I mean, my husband's like
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  you. He's very adventurous and likes
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  to do weird stuff like that. No offense.
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  Jumped out of a plane, but also going on small planes, like
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  really small planes. Like.
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  Like like puddle jumper planes, I call it Absolutely not.
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  Never. And I'm like, has nobody watched
• 11:39
  the La Bamba story, the Patsy Cline story that I mean, you
• 11:45
  could go. One story.
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  John Kennedy. Junior, Every single one of them
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  are on these. A John Denver, you know every
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  single one of them are on these little puddle jumpers.
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  No way. Also shoes that are
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  uncomfortable. I just bought.
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  The cutest pair of shoes. I wore them twice.
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  When I tell you I was, they had me hunched over like a little
• 12:08
  old lady. My feet were in such pain and so
• 12:11
  I can sign him. I said I know I've only worn him
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  twice. Twice.
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  I shouldn't have bought them now the old me would have kept him
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  anyway and probably suffered through it.
• 12:19
  If you want to know the truth, just because I paid money for
• 12:22
  him and blah blah blah. Non negotiable now Big fat no.
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  I saw an Instagram Reel or a TikTok the other day and it's a
• 12:30
  man and he's, he says your wife is wearing heels and he takes
• 12:34
  these flip flops and he's putting them inside his own
• 12:36
  socks to carry with him. It's so funny.
• 12:39
  It reminds me of that Modern Family episode where they go to
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  the amusement park and Gloria's wearing high heels and she's
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  crabby, and then she breaks the heel so they have to buy her
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  some slippers and she's wearing the slippers and she becomes
• 12:52
  very delightful. Isn't that funny?
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  How that? Yeah, so hard no on
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  uncomfortable shoes. Please continue.
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  No drama, if any there's any girl drama, any drama.
• 13:04
  If we're out somewhere where people start fighting, I just
• 13:07
  get up and let I cannot handle drama anymore of any kind.
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  I don't want to see it. I don't want to be around it.
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  I think that especially like everywhere you go now, it just
• 13:20
  causes you anxiety. It really does it just you the
• 13:26
  rest of the night you're like, OK, I wonder if that person was
• 13:29
  OK, Well, that person was mean and blah, blah, blah, blah.
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  Who needs? This let you.
• 13:34
  Open that you don't and OK the other thing is now you're you
• 13:38
  haven't given this one up yet even though you think you have,
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  but I know you haven't an over packed schedule.
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  I gave that up and I do not regret it and I love that I do.
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  I say no to so much stuff because I just think I can't do
• 13:54
  the over packed schedule anymore.
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  You're correct. I thought I gave it up, but I
• 14:01
  slipped back in. Oh, I know, I know, I know you
• 14:05
  did. I didn't say anything, but I
• 14:07
  knew you did. Yeah, yeah, but guilty.
• 14:10
  And you're right. And I like to be reminded
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  because I have really booked myself for this next week or 2.
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  And so I need to get through these next couple of weeks and
• 14:22
  then try to go back, right. So I'm going to go back and
• 14:24
  they're fun things, but it does take a little bit of the shine
• 14:28
  off something that's really fun because you have so many things
• 14:32
  in the same week. And I always find myself saying
• 14:36
  when I'm over booked, OK, I just need to get through this one
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  thing. And then I'll have that thing in
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  like where I'm talking to myself and that thing will go quick
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  because it's only supposed to be this amount of time.
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  And then the last thing will come in, I'll just make it
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  through. I can do it.
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  Yeah, like you're right. No, I I've never once thought it
• 14:57
  was a good idea to do it. I just always do it.
• 15:00
  Yeah. So that's my list of the good
• 15:02
  list and I probably have more, but I won't bore everybody with
• 15:05
  all my Nos. But I do honestly believe no is
• 15:09
  a complete sentence. No period.
• 15:12
  No. Period.
• 15:13
  Yes, yeah. Yeah, and I have gotten better
• 15:18
  with my no period. But mostly I'm happy to tell
• 15:22
  people it's just not something I really want to do.
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  So I'm just going to I'm going to take a pass and we I want you
• 15:30
  to feel empowered to do that as well.
• 15:32
  And when it comes to, you know, we always try to slide a little
• 15:35
  organizational tip into each of these episodes.
• 15:38
  And Christine was on television this morning, so I know it's
• 15:41
  fresh on her mind. Did you talk spring cleaning?
• 15:43
  What was your? Topic How to organize and spring
• 15:47
  clean your closet on a budget. On a budget?
• 15:50
  Ideas. Inexpensive ways.
• 15:53
  To, and I'm sure what you shared was that you can find a lot of
• 15:57
  these different tools on Amazon. And on Walmart, I mean, you can.
• 16:03
  That's the thing. Everyone thinks it costs a lot
• 16:05
  of money to get organized. But really, if you stick to the
• 16:08
  rules of purging first sorting the like items and then buying
• 16:14
  what you need to organize what you have left and going to the
• 16:18
  inexpensive routes of getting things, it doesn't have to cost
• 16:22
  a lot of money to get organized. I think a lot of people still
• 16:25
  make the mistake of going to the store, buying a bunch of things,
• 16:29
  thinking having these things are what is going to inspire them to
• 16:32
  then do. The work and it's so wrong.
• 16:35
  It's backwards. It's backwards.
• 16:37
  Also coming saying this no is when people keep trying to give
• 16:42
  you things, just saying, oh, I'd love to, but I don't have the
• 16:45
  room, thank you so much. But no, I'm not gonna take
• 16:49
  anybody else's stuff because I see a lot of older people,
• 16:53
  parents or parents giving them to their kids and their kids.
• 16:57
  The younger generation is great with the word no.
• 17:00
  I do have to say where they'll, they don't beat around the Bush.
• 17:03
  No, I don't want it. No, get rid of it.
• 17:06
  No, they're great. So that's part of when you are
• 17:10
  getting rid of things. People having the ability to say
• 17:14
  no, I don't want that. OK, so there you go.
• 17:17
  That's how organization ties into no.
• 17:20
  Is a complete yes. Sentence.
• 17:22
  Yes. So whether it's that you've been
• 17:24
  invited out somewhere, that you just would rather be in bed with
• 17:28
  a good book, or you are being gifted your great Aunt Edna's
• 17:35
  China cat, you can let it go and.
• 17:39
  Don't look back.