Latest / Many Things with Steph Libby / New Year, New Outlook on Old Resolutions

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New Year, New Outlook on Old Resolutions · Many Things with Steph Libby

0:01
Hello, hello, this is Solitary Creature.
0:03
I'm Steph, and I'm documenting my messy journey as I learn to live a more mindful, meaningful, and purposeful life.
0:13
The end of year, the cold, cozy time of year where the crisp air and blanket of white snow beckon's new beginnings.
0:20
As a new year approaches, the air is filled with balsam and cinnamon, a season of sweet and bitter.
0:28
The shortest night of the year approaches quickly, that long, dark night, quiet and bleak.
0:33
But on the other side of all that darkness, we slowly birch towards the light.
0:37
Again, I'm not a winter person at all, but I love the nostalgia and clean hope that winter brings, especially in New England.
0:47
The expanse white, the long pensive silences of winter nights.
0:51
I love the end of the year and the welcoming of a new one.
0:55
I like the promise of, well promise it can be a sad, lonely, humbling season, and of course.
1:03
It can also be a season of hope, reflection, and gratitude.
1:08
I know a lot of people think resolutions are stupid and putting any stock in them is ridiculous because most of the time, most people don't follow through on them.
1:17
Myself included, that resolutions.
1:19
It's just a perfunctory, futile ritual that we're creatures of habit who go through this hopeful process every year while fully expecting to give up.
1:29
I know I have.
1:31
However, there's also something sweet about resolution, something innocent, optimistic about them, and I just think the world could use a little bit more sweetness and optimism.
1:41
I love resolutions.
1:43
Maybe the idea that the start of a new year is a clean slate, you know, giving it that much weight is still cringey or corny or whatever.
1:53
But as a time when we're able to give ourselves some grace for the goals that we've set that we haven't really committed to some years are tougher than others, and I just need a sense of finality or closure to move on from what I didn't do and move forward with what I need to.
2:08
Nothing gives us permission to walk away from the false starts and broken promises to away from the guilt or maybe the shame we feel by not hitting those specific goals, especially if their goals repeatedly set for ourselves year after year with no forward momentum.
2:26
Nothing gives us permission to cast all of that aside like a clean slate in a timeline, especially when it's a time when most people are starting anew alongside us.
2:36
And that collective sense of purpose and renewal is powerful and makes us feel connected to total strangers.
2:42
And that's a really beautiful thing to me.
2:44
It's a time of year when we're all equally reflective and looking ahead.
2:48
Alleviate some of that shame sometimes because we have this thought of like, well, we're all in this together.
2:55
We've all probably failed that last year's resolutions.
2:57
We're all making new resolutions.
2:59
I will say that that clean slate cycle can be problematic over time.
3:04
It is not always good to have a mindset that you always need to start over again versus just continuing forward.
3:11
but I'm not in the mood to get into those particulars but obviously like I'm aware of that.
3:18
But overall, I think resolutions are a good thing and the easiest time to feel empowered to make them is.
3:24
The end of the calendar year and the start of a new one.
3:26
So much of this podcast has been about what I need to do, what I wanna do, where I'm going, but I think it's equally important from time to time to take stock of where I am now and how far I've already come.
3:38
So today in the spirit of the new year.
3:40
Let's take a look back at 2025.
3:42
This year started off really, really tough for me.
3:44
Obviously I didn't start this podcast until well into the summer and I was at a pretty low point in basically all areas, financially, mentally, my relationship, everything.
3:57
And through most of the year, I just felt like I was taking on more and more water.
4:04
that's why I had so many episodes lately about burnout and just feeling tired and ragged, and it just felt like everything really caught up with me and not just stuff that I was dealing with during this year specifically, but everything culminated this year.
4:22
In general, I feel like I'm ending the year in a really positive place, which is really surprising given how burnt out I've been feeling.
4:30
And I think that's a strong testament to the life audit exercise because I don't think I would be feeling this zen honestly about everything right now, otherwise.
4:42
And that's the best way I can describe it.
4:44
I don't feel stressed right now.
4:46
I don't feel agitated that pressure at the base of my skull is gone.
4:50
I don't have those like tension headaches that I was getting all summer, all fall, my body feels relatively calm, whereas most of the time it feels really.
5:00
Like a, like a pressure cooker that, my body is just, has all this kinetic energy in it.
5:05
I can explode at any moment, but right now I feel really calm.
5:08
I, I do feel zen.
5:11
It sounds so corny to say that, but like, my breathing is normal.
5:13
I feel like I've shaken off the bad bits and committed to moving forward, releasing all the past regrets as best I can because those negative thoughts don't serve me.
5:26
I figure if we're gonna treat the new year like a clean slate, then we need to actually provide a clean slate holding onto the failures, the regrets, the disappointments does nothing.
5:36
It has done nothing and it will continue to do nothing for me.
5:40
For now.
5:41
I realize it's a superficial releasing of those wounds and those feelings.
5:46
They're not actually healed.
5:48
To create the room and energy and mental bandwidth needed to give myself a fighting chance this year.
5:53
Then I need to push them aside a bit.
5:55
I need to trust myself, trust that I can actually finally pick myself up and commit to my goals, to pursue them with vigor and focus.
6:04
Trust that I know what I need and I know what I want, and trust that I can find balance and trust that I can handle what comes at me and trust that.
6:15
If I am given more than I can handle that, I will reach out and get the help that I need where I need it.
6:25
It's not easy doing that.
6:26
It's not easy, um, letting go of those feelings.
6:30
It takes a lot of effort to remind myself every day to stay focused and open-minded and positive.
6:37
It doesn't come innately.
6:38
It takes work and effort, and I think that's been a big difference in my mindset in these last couple months and how I felt most of my life.
6:48
And of course, those wounds have to be healed at some point, but I'm not going to heal them in the immediate, and I can't let them keep holding me back in the meantime.
6:57
In fact, a lot of those wounds have been self-inflicted because of my lack of follow through.
7:03
I just can't keep beating myself up about it.
7:06
I've done it enough and the only person that can stop it is me.
7:10
I'm, I'm the person beating myself up.
7:12
I'm the one having that negative self-talk.
7:15
I'm the only person that can stop it and.
7:18
That self berating has gotten me nowhere.
7:20
It's done the opposite of what I had hoped.
7:23
I beat myself up, shame myself, thinking it'll perk me up, but what ends up happening is I feel defeated, guilty, shameful.
7:31
I spiral.
7:32
It feels everything feels pointless.
7:35
Everything feels meaningless.
7:36
I end up telling myself that I suck so much that I just started to believe for a long time, that I do just in fact suck.
7:44
so instead of making myself feel bad for the millionth time, how about I just let myself be? How about I stop the punishment and just live? And make decisions step by step moment to moment and ask myself, what am I doing right now? And how has that helped me get where I need to be? I think normally the narrative in my head would be, why are you doing that same stupid thing over and over again? Like, how stupid can you be? And that doesn't help anything.
8:12
It just stops me, my tracks, it doesn't.
8:14
Don't forgive myself.
8:15
I don't move forward.
8:16
I don't resolve anything.
8:17
I just feel bad, you know? How about.
8:22
I just stop.
8:23
How about I, I trust myself and trust that I'm forming a bit of a plan and trust that the small wins I've had in the last few months is me moving in the right direction for once.
8:34
I'm really trying to be proactive and action oriented instead of thinking myself to death.
8:41
And the more I do, the more grace and patience I seem to have with myself for the things that I genuinely can't get done for the things that there are just literally no time for or.
8:52
Something took longer than I thought, and so it's putting, you know, part B of a plan on hold and, and be honest with myself when I say I don't wanna do that certification, or I actually don't really wanna do this thing that I thought I wanted to do, instead of just like beating myself up over the fact that I didn't do it, maybe I just like didn't want to do it.
9:15
And that needs to be recognized.
9:18
I feel like I have.
9:20
Priorities, which I didn't have before, which lessens the guilt trip of everything on my to do list.
9:28
That like everything on my to do list is equally important.
9:31
And if I do some of it but not all of it, then I still feel like I wasted my time.
9:36
I was unproductive, I feel guilty, and a million other negative thoughts, which is just crazy because I don't give myself credit for the things that I have accomplished.
9:47
You know, I think in 2025 I've taken a lot more accountability and ownership for my own role in things, for my reactions to things, for how much I've made myself feel like I'm a victim and that everything just happens to me and I've copped to the decisions I've made that have contributed.
10:13
To where I'm at, and this is, and this is different from a guilt trip.
10:18
At first, it kind of feels the same.
10:20
It doesn't feel good to take accountability because in order to take accountability, the first step is to acknowledge what you're taking accountability for.
10:28
And when you're taking accountability for self disappointment or something you're ashamed of, or something you did to somebody else, or a reaction you had.
10:36
You know, you have to stop justifying the actions and the emotions, and you have to own your part of it.
10:43
It doesn't mean that you're alleviating other people from taking accountability, but in a lot of cases, at least in the things that I deal with in a lot of the things I encounter, I do own some part of it.
10:57
Accountability ultimately isn't about making me feel bad, you know, it lets me identify patterns and forgive myself.
11:04
It's been freeing and allowed me to see my mistakes from a different perspective that I haven't seen them from maybe ever.
11:13
Letting go of that victim mentality, that victimhood this, everything that just happens to me, life is just happening to me and I just gotta like go with it.
11:21
And I have no control over everything and everything just sucks and it's always gonna suck because I don't have any control.
11:28
Now I know that I.
11:33
Take control of things that I wanna be doing, and I can control that victim narrative and turn it around.
11:40
Know that there are things that I can contribute to different situations to have a different, to maybe persuade a different outcome, even if I can't guarantee a different outcome.
11:50
Like, how could I handle this differently next time? How could I learn a lesson from this? Because sometimes just being a victim is just like you not learning lessons either.
12:00
You know, it's just like letting stuff happen again and again.
12:03
I'm not talking about the true definition of a victim.
12:06
I'm talking about the things that we do repeatedly and justify to ourselves as though we're the victim, but we actually have a big part of it, Part of that might just be taking accountability for like, trying to control people or trying to control their emotions or trying to control, um, having too high of expectations for my parents when I know they're gonna not meet those expectations every single time.
12:29
Like those are things that I had to take accountability and ownership for at some point, and work within the confines of, and boundaries of those instances.
12:40
I've worked a lot on my codependency this year and trying to tackle that a bit more head on instead of feeling like I'm a victim to it.
12:47
This is a great example.
12:49
I think owning how I contribute to codependency and the codependent behaviors that I.
12:56
Play out in all different parts of my life.
12:59
Not just romantic relationships, but friendships, family, um, even work relationships.
13:05
The codependency that I have in work relationships and my relationships and the roles I play in different scenarios, and really taking accountability for some of that has helped me be able to reduce the stress in my life.
13:15
It's, it's really that I can control and learn.
13:18
Navigate the rest that I can control and learn what pieces I'm giving permission to and which pieces I need to walk away from.
13:26
You know, like it, I never really sat down and really thought about, what I can control in a situation and what I can't, and accepting the things that I can't control, but trying to make the most of the things that I can control and making the best decisions for those things that I can control.
13:43
Because sometimes I would just think like, well, nothing's ever gonna change, so I'll just like blow everything up.
13:47
Or if I can.
13:49
Control this one piece even harder, even though it's not actually anything I can actually control, then it'll be better.
13:58
But I wasn't focusing on the right things.
13:59
I wasn't putting my energy into the right areas that could actually persuade change.
14:05
I was putting all my energy into areas that weren't going to do anything, that I was not gonna change anything that I can't actually control, and I was getting nothing from it.
14:14
And then.
14:16
Being irritated that I was getting nothing from it.
14:17
But when I've actually put energy and time into areas that I can control, I've seen a much different outcome and I don't feel like as much of a victim anymore.
14:28
'cause I, I do feel like I, I have some control over some pieces of most situations and that's empowering.
14:37
I certainly have a long way to go, and I'm not even really sure if codependency is something that is ever really resolved.
14:43
I think recovering codependence will always need to be vigilant about those behaviors.
14:49
I think it's an evolution of fine tuning and refining those behavior responses and the stories we tell ourselves.
14:57
But my heart feels a lot lighter.
14:58
My head feels a lot.
14:59
My head feels a lot lighter.
15:02
My conscience feels a lot lighter.
15:05
When I tried to control everything, it was just so much pressure and it was so much disappointment and it was so much aggravation and just like learning to let go of things felt like giving up.
15:20
It felt like that, felt like allowing me to be the victim, but I was looking at everything completely wrong.
15:27
But in this year, I have really reframed my thinking around a lot of behaviors and a lot of patterns that I have, and it's daunting for sure, but it has been freeing more than anything.
15:42
It has really letting go of that control is scary, but like knowing that I can own certain pieces of it and throw my energy behind things that actually matter, and things that might actually make a difference.
15:55
Feels better and like then when I look at a situation and go like, I'm still not getting what I want from it, at least I know I did what I could, you know, and it helps me really look and evaluate and go like, okay then what are we doing here? If I've done my part for the things I can do my part for, and still not getting what I need from it.
16:16
Whatever it is, work, friendships, relationships, creativity, working out, whatever, like whatever it is, it helps you really look at things clearly and go okay, well then now what? And, and really figure out what the next step is and what it all means.
16:33
But like when you're throwing your energy at the wrong pieces of a puzzle, make it really hard to evaluate that puzzle effectively.
16:42
You know, I'm really trying hard to let go of my anger and my resentments and just accept all the things that have happened.
16:49
Appreciate now where I am in life, even if it's not where I wanna be, but to be okay with that.
16:55
Be okay with not being even remotely close to it.
16:58
That's okay.
16:59
It doesn't mean I can't get there.
17:02
Which is something I haven't always believed, and that was something that I think the life audit really put into perspective for me was that it's not about achieving everything all at once.
17:13
Right now, it's about looking at right now, looking at the immediate future and then looking way, way, way down the road of like.
17:23
What is all this for? You know, like, what, what kind of life do I actually want? Because honestly, some of the things that I think I was going after and, and probably some of the things I'm still trying to make sense of in my mind, but some of the goals I was setting for myself just felt like the antithesis of what I was actually, what I'm actually trying to achieve at the end of my life.
17:45
Like how I actually wanna live, what, what I want retirement to look like, what I want, how I want.
17:50
My life to feel and what, when I'm sitting in my death bed, when I want my life to look like, it at the end of every year, I always make a vision board and, or new lists, especially on Pinterest, and this year I found myself looking back at all the different.
18:06
Ones that I've created over the year because I was like, Ugh, these, there's so many boards here.
18:10
I just gotta like declutter these boards.
18:12
So I was going back through some of the things that I put in like 20, 20, 20 18 years ago for instance, like one thing had to do with just like style.
18:20
Like I had like 5, 6, 7 different years worth of like, here's how I'm gonna change my style in the new year.
18:26
And I would look at these things from in the past and be like, what was I thinking? Like this is so not me.
18:32
This is like, so not who I am, but it was who I wanted to be, you know? But not like who I wanted to be in.
18:40
Like a, this is a logical jump and this makes a lot of sense and this would make me very happy.
18:44
It was more like, this is what I think people think I should want to be.
18:48
It was so wild to me, and I just looked at everything with a new lens of just like, man, like I feel like I've been operating for a number of years, not really knowing where I'm going, who I am, what the end goal is.
19:03
And something about looking through those boards just really hit that point home that like, I don't really know if I knew who I was.
19:13
And sometimes I still think like, do I know who I am? You know, so the larger point is that.
19:19
This life audit has helped really put things in perspective of like where I'm actually going and what are the things that matter in order to get there and have that life that I want, and what are the things that are just distractions and, and honestly, I feel like I've been in a lot of my life being distracted and working towards things that are not ultimately gonna give me the things that I want in life.
19:44
They're not gonna give me.
19:46
My dream home, they're not gonna give me financial freedom.
19:49
Like I've been chasing a corporate ladder for years.
19:50
I don't, turns out, I don't want to be part of the corporate cog.
19:56
I, I wanna work for myself.
19:58
I wanna answer to just myself.
20:00
I don't want this mind-numbing corporate job.
20:05
I want a creatively fulfilling.
20:08
Self-employment.
20:10
So the things that I've been working towards my whole life have not gotten there.
20:13
And I just always thought that you had to be a cog in the machine and work this corporate job and pay your dues, and then eventually you'd be able to get the money to buy that house that I want, that little, little a-frame in the woods or whatever.
20:28
I didn't believe that like.
20:30
I could still get the same outcome by going down a different path That just had never occurred to me that if I just really focused on what it is that I want, what makes me happy that that could eventually get me there too.
20:44
It might take longer.
20:45
It could very well take longer, but at least I'll be happier on that path.
20:52
That's longer.
20:54
Than being completely miserable on a shorter path that I didn't even want in the first place.
21:00
So I'm learning to believe that it's okay to be patient and it's okay to appreciate where I am now while still having my eye on the future and, and what's down the road.
21:10
Just because I'm not there now and just because I don't quite see the path to get there.
21:17
Right now doesn't mean that I can't get there, um, which is something I haven't always believed for a long time, I have been so convinced that this is as good as it gets for me.
21:30
This is as good as life gets for me, which is maybe part of the reason why I am so stressed and angry all the time.
21:37
It's why I put so much pressure on everything, often way, way more pressure than is needed.
21:42
I get frustrated and angry and then I get equally defeated.
21:46
To get where you wanna go, I think you have to admire some parts of where you're currently at.
21:50
This makes sense from a practical perspective, but also an emotional one.
21:54
I thought the overwhelming negativity would motivate me, would push me, but instead of just kept me stuck in the same place, the negativity was like quicksand pulling me under faster and faster.
22:04
Too thick to pull myself out of it.
22:06
And when you struggle against quick, it just pulls you in even more and, and that's what it felt like.
22:11
It felt like the negativity was just.
22:14
Getting more negativity and the more I try to pull myself outta negativity, the more the negativity pulled me back in.
22:20
So part of what I wanna focus on next year, this year actually, now that we're here, um, is preaching what I have, taking it all in because I look back on a lot of times in my life now, wishing that I had taken more time to enjoy those moments, to be present in them days on college campus.
22:38
You know, I was, I was working.
22:41
Locked away sulking in my off campus apartment or my empty single dorm room.
22:47
I didn't spend days breeding in the grass next to the library like I hoped I would, like I envisioned I would be doing.
22:53
When I signed up to go to liberal arts college and study creative writing, I wasn't deeply immersed in academia and studying.
23:01
I would give anything to go back to those days and.
23:05
Just spend an afternoon reading in the grass, you know? But instead, I was just getting by.
23:11
I wasn't engrossed in it.
23:12
I spent a lot of time smoking cigarettes, which probably made me feel very cool and heady and dark, even though it probably really didn't, probably looked very stupid doing it.
23:22
I don't think I ever looked cool once in my life, but.
23:25
I probably looked really late, like a try hard, you know, I didn't go to parties, I didn't go to the few campus events that were offered.
23:32
I just didn't make the most out of it.
23:34
And now I look back and I didn't realize when I was living it, how fleeting it would all be, and I didn't realize that I would ever look back on those times wishing I had done more with them.
23:46
I just, I took it all for granted.
23:48
I took the few and far opportunities I've had with my writing and didn't make the most of them because I was afraid and didn't wanna fall flat on my face.
23:58
But who knows where I'd be now if I had, there was a time when there written an erotic short story and it got picked up in public and I wrote it on a whim.
24:10
I just.
24:11
They had a, a call for submissions and they had a theme, and I thought about the theme, and a story came to mind, and I wrote the story in a couple of days and edited it and sent it off and submitted it, and I didn't think much about it.
24:26
I just thought, well, I'm just trying to get the story out to feel good about it and feel like I'm doing something.
24:31
And I, of course, I wanted it to get published, but I, it was more about like doing the thing than getting the thing.
24:37
But they accepted it and I got paid for it.
24:40
And there were a couple of phases, like a feedback and editing phase.
24:45
And then, one point they wanted us to write up a couple of social posts and like a bio for ourselves to put in the book.
24:51
It got picked up for a printed anthology of Best Women's Erotica of the year a couple years ago.
24:56
And.
24:57
I squandered that opportunity.
24:59
I handed in everything at the last possible moment.
25:02
I was always late.
25:03
I was just like, even though I was given this immediate opportunity and I was working with like a really well established editor in that space, and I had the opportunity to like meet the other people who were up and coming, some of which were also located in New England and New Hampshire to meet the other up and coming writers.
25:19
I even got asked to do an Instagram live at one point, and I was so nervous I didn't do it.
25:25
I didn't really do a lot in promoting the book.
25:27
I didn't connect with the other writers.
25:29
I didn't really felt like I kind of blew it with this editor, I just had not made the most of the opportunity because I was afraid and.
25:37
I might have failed, I might have fallen flat on my face in that Instagram live interview, or I could have been charming and funny and just like never know.
25:47
It's like I'm always so used to think about like, what's the worst that could happen? I don't take a minute and stop and think like, well, what's the best that could happen? You know? And why does it always have to feel like the worst thing's always gonna happen? Why can't I live in a, in a head space where.
26:02
I think the best thing is more likely to happen I think about those moments a lot and they hold me back, and I just feel really ready to forgive myself for the past and leave it in the past and look ahead and move forward day by day based on what.
26:19
Today has to offer me.
26:20
I've lived so long just in constant self bereavement, a, a constant nagging in my head about how much I've gotten wrong.
26:27
But where has that gotten me? Exactly.
26:29
How has that helped me? Instead, lately I've, I'm loosening my grip on myself, letting expectations out of a choke hold, and just trying to live minute by minute.
26:40
It's not a toxic positivity thing.
26:43
It's not about ignoring what's in front of me.
26:45
It's about not having an instant, angry, disappointed, mad, or some other negative emotion about everything all the time.
26:54
And I felt more creative and clearheaded because of it.
26:57
I'm making the time and energy for the things that matter the most because I just feel better about them and better about myself.
27:03
Last year I had all the typical resolutions, lose weight, make more money, write more, read more, eat better, finish my certification, be kinder, whatever.
27:12
But this year I'm using an overarching word to guide me for the year, and that word is consistency.
27:18
When it comes down to it, consistency underpins all of my goals, and I bet it underpins most of yours too.
27:25
In some ways, it doesn't really matter if I actually lose the weight I want to or read as many books as I want to.
27:31
What really matters is creating the deeply rooted habits and thinking.
27:35
That make me able to accomplish whatever goal I want in the future.
27:41
No goal.
27:42
However, big or small, will be accomplished without consistency.
27:46
I have suffered from chronic procrastination and disabling perfectionism my whole life.
27:52
I have lacked consistency my entire life, and ultimately that's the thing that I need to change the most to get the most.
28:01
I want from life.
28:02
I took a big leap this year in creating this podcast and it was a big leap, for a lot of reasons, but one of which was consistency.
28:12
You know, and I haven't been great at it, but I have been more consistent at showing up for this than I have a lot of things in my life, even if I haven't shown up every week.
28:20
I've always hesitated putting myself out there like this.
28:23
I've tried blogging and a substack, I try time and time again to post more on social, and it just always falls flat.
28:30
Am I getting the traction that I hoped I would for this podcast? I don't have a ton of listeners yet, but I am really surprised at the number of downloads and listens I've already received.
28:41
I thought no one would ever hear this.
28:43
I was fully convinced when I started this that it would be me talking to a microphone and it just sitting on the ether.
28:50
What I loved if I came out of the key and skyrocketed onto the best new podcast list.
28:55
Yeah, of course I didn't, of course.
28:58
And normally not having that immediate.
29:00
That immediate success, I'd create this narrative in my head that I should give up, that it's not worth my time.
29:06
It's a waste of breath and energy.
29:09
Do something else, you know, do something else with your time.
29:12
But this time I'm not giving up.
29:15
I'm excited to tackle the challenge head on.
29:17
A lot of times the challenge has always been the deterrent for me.
29:21
As much as I'd like to say, like I'm a go-getter and all that stuff, I like easy.
29:25
I like easy, accomplishable things that don't have a lot of risk involved.
29:30
As I've always said, I'm very risk averse and starting this podcast for a lot of reasons, had a lot of risk.
29:37
It's vulnerable, it's weird.
29:41
Um, it feels narcissistic.
29:43
It does at times feel like, okay, if no one's ever gonna hear this, is this a waste? But the difference is that I'm excited to tackle the challenge head on.
29:50
I didn't know how to edit a podcast Like now I know it's not a crazy challenge, but at the time when I started, I, it was a big barrier to entry.
30:00
I, I didn't know a lot about audio.
30:02
I didn't know how I would promote it.
30:03
I didn't know the first thing about launching it or uploading it or whatever.
30:09
But I tackle each one of those startup things.
30:12
One at a time, and I still remain excited to tackle the next set of challenges, which is getting this podcast out to more people, actually doing it every single week and building a real plan around it.
30:25
So, let me tell you how I'm reframing all of this.
30:28
Slow growth gives me a chance to find my voice, my pace.
30:31
It's an opportunity to tinker and fine tune and, and play without a ton of eyes on me.
30:37
It's not limiting it's freedom.
30:39
I get to make mistakes and find my footing.
30:42
I get to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and feeling exposed.
30:46
There's also a chance to build a real community around the podcast and the stories I'm telling about my life.
30:52
I'm hoping that means I get to really connect with people that brings something good to my life and vice versa.
30:59
And this reframing puts less focus on the final outcome, and instead creates an opportunity to focus on consistency, it gives me permission to fail as long as I continue to show up.
31:09
It doesn't matter if I fail because I'm just gonna move on to the next week, and that's really freeing.
31:16
Failure doesn't have to feel like a death sentence.
31:20
It only feels like a death sentence, if you are of the mindset that like this, you only get one shot at it, that it's not something that you're gonna get to keep doing over and over again.
31:30
I used to look at every little hiccup as a roadblock, as a stop sign, and that's got me absolutely nowhere except stuck and miserable and disheartened and burnt out.
31:40
Things will only change if I take a different approach, and that includes how I perceive success.
31:44
Maybe success for me right now at least, isn't defined by the number of listeners or downloads or social followers.
31:51
Maybe success for me right now is just showing up and doing it and staying committed because that is way more different.
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And way more than I've done in the past with a lot of other projects.
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And that is likely not most people's goals, and that's okay because we're on different journeys.
32:08
We might be aiming for the same end goals.
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But again, it's okay if we get there on different timelines and on different paths and through different methods, and it might never get to the, and honestly, that's okay too because.
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Maybe being a number one podcast isn't where my journey takes me.
32:23
Maybe it offshoots to someplace better.
32:25
I'm always trying to pigeonhole myself into a very narrow, very logical path, and obviously that hasn't really worked for me.
32:32
I'm calling 2026, my year of curiosity, even at my day job, which was somewhat embarrassing to unveil that to my boss.
32:43
It's a year for me to be kind to myself, to ease up on the pressure of where I'm headed and try to enjoy the path forward a bit more, and be open to new experiences and taking side quests and seeing what comes of it.
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That's really exciting, and I'm excited for myself to be excited about something again.
33:02
And this doesn't feel like years past where I get so caught up in the excitement of the new year that I make crazy, bogus resolutions just to get the dopamine hit from dreaming without having any realistic plan to follow through and turn that dream into a reality.
33:17
Instead, this year, this excitement, I feel is doused.
33:23
Realism and a healthy dose of optimism.
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It feels achievable.
33:26
It all feels achievable.
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If I just show up and do something, however small most days, that's it.
33:33
There's no like recipe to success.
33:35
It's just showing up, doing something however small it might be most days.
33:42
That's consistency.
33:44
I'm already off to a great start.
33:45
Maybe that's why it feels so different this year because I didn't sit around for the last few months waiting for the end of the year to come and then go, okay, now I can get started.
33:53
I started earlier in small bits.
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I started slowly.
33:56
I've been writing, I've written most days of this vacation, which I'm only one week into.
34:02
I've been stretching more and getting more comfortable in my body.
34:05
I've been trying to relax more, control my stress, just little things that are starting to add up and create that momentum.
34:12
so I'm excited.
34:13
I'm just really excited about this new year.
34:15
I'm doing things differently and that also feels exciting because.
34:19
There have been so many times where I create a New Year's resolution at the beginning of the year.
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Like I said in the beginning, fully knowing that like I'm just going through the motions of creating this resolution, but I have like no different plan than I had last year.
34:30
I just expect it to be different this year for what I, there's no rhyme or reason.
34:35
I just expect it to be different.
34:36
If I come at something with enough enthusiasm, it'll be different If I.
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Say it like, I mean it, I'll really do it this year, but none of that actually matters.
34:44
None that actually helps me do it.
34:46
But in years past, I've created these resolutions fully knowing that I'm probably not going to do them.
34:52
And that feels depressing.
34:53
It actually starts the year off feeling depressing.
34:56
It always ends up feeling like, okay, when I more of a countdown as to when I'm going falter as opposed to like.
35:03
Count up of getting started.
35:05
Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
35:08
I'm just waiting for me to fail it's crazy.
35:11
It's so self-sabotaging and knowing that I'm just gonna show up and do it small.
35:16
And I actually put a plan together and sh and show myself already that I can just show up and do it small.
35:21
It doesn't have to be crazy and it builds up, is really exciting.
35:26
So I'm really excited for what this New Year's gonna bring.
35:29
I have gone through a lot this past year.
35:34
And really try to evaluate a lot of stuff in my life and sort through it and make sense of it and own what I can.
35:42
Let go of the rest, look at what I can control, look at what I can't.
35:46
Let go of that and just see where I end up.
35:50
And I don't know that I would be feeling as good about this new year if I didn't, if I wasn't going into it with that.
35:59
Different mindset than what I've had in the past.
36:02
And it's crazy.
36:03
'cause like if you were to tell me in August when I started this podcast that this is how I would be feeling, I would've said, you're crazy.
36:11
I would've been like, absolutely not.
36:13
And especially because a few weeks ago I was crying in my bed about how stressed and burnt out I've been feeling.
36:20
And now here I am feeling invigorated and like I have purpose and direction again.
36:25
So I guess like that's the coolest thing that I've learned from doing this podcast is being able to really pay attention to those shifts.
36:33
Because I think a lot of times, I'm sure that those shifts in my mindset happen all the time.
36:37
But I've never really paid attention to them, I guess because, I don't know, they just felt fleeting maybe 'cause I was so fixated on negativity that I couldn't see that there were these other positive things going on.
36:52
And I wasn't giving myself credit for them.
36:53
But either way, I'm very excited about the new year.
36:58
Before we end, I wanted to bring back a segment that I haven't done in a while.
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Recommendation Corner.
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I guess these aren't technically recommendations since I haven't read them yet, but this is a list of books that I'm gonna crack into this year and I wanted to share them with you.
37:13
I'm toying with the idea of doing special episodes on specific books, these are some of the ones that I have on my list that I'm excited to dive into.
37:20
I'm finishing up, a book of fiction right now, my favorite book ever.
37:24
I listen to it like once a year, but I'm finishing that up and then I'm gonna dive into one of these other books.
37:29
One of my goals for the year is to read more, but that includes self-help books, but I usually am like a much bigger fiction person.
37:36
These are some books that have been sitting on my TBR, my two B red list for a while, and I really wanna dive into them.
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I think I'm in the right head space for them.
37:44
The first one is the mountain is you transforming self-sabotage into self-mastery by Brianna West.
37:50
We west.
37:51
I keep saying west.
37:52
I don't think that's right.
37:53
I think it's we.
37:54
But anyways, if you're a millennial, you've probably heard of her this book, the Mountain is You Explores self-sabotaging behaviors, overcoming ourselves.
38:04
I've listened to it once before and it was really helpful, but I'd really like to listen to it again with this new mindset I have.
38:10
I feel like I did not pick up on a lot of it.
38:13
The next one is The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control, A Path to Peace and Power by Catherine Morgan.
38:22
I'm horrible at pronouncing names.
38:24
It seems to have the premise that you don't have to stop being a perfectionist to be healthy.
38:29
And it dismisses the idea of simply finding balance as being the answer, because I think that's like what a lot of perfectionists are told is like you have to find balance and all this stuff, but it says that there are five types of perfectionists.
38:40
And so I'm interested in exploring what type I am and what that means.
38:43
The next book on my list is The 5:00 AM Club Owning Your Morning, elevate Your Life By Robin.
38:49
By Robin Sharma.
38:51
I do my best work and feel my best when I get up early, and I think I'm more likely to do more in the morning than I.
38:58
To do anything after work.
38:59
I know that this has been a really popular book for the last, I don't think it's new.
39:02
I think it's been out for a couple years, unless I'm confusing it with another book, but I just think that might be interesting.
39:08
Um, and the last book on my list.
39:10
Well, there'll be others, I'm sure, and these will probably get switched out for others.
39:13
But, the next book on my list is How to Manifest by Lacey Phillips.
39:18
A friend recommended this to me, so I'm going to give it a try.
39:22
I can, I do really believe in the principles, like the ideas around manifestation and the law of attraction and power, positive thinking and all that.
39:30
So, um, it would be good to have something to help turn.
39:34
All of that into a practice versus however it is.
39:38
I'm randomly approaching it currently.
39:41
My friend recommended that, recommended this to me.
39:43
She listens to Lacey's podcast and I think she's even done some of the courses or whatever.
39:48
I'm looking forward to seeing how this turns out.
39:52
Definitely wanna bring back recommendation corner for things that are helping me kind of move through some of these ideas and topics.
39:58
And these will be some of the ones that I'm reading.
40:00
So that's it.
40:00
Here we are, the end of the year, the start of 2026.
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I am so looking forward to what this new year brings all of us.
40:08
I hope you'll join me for this adventure.
40:11
As always, find me on Instagram at solitary Creature Pod.
40:15
Let me know what you're looking forward to in the year.
40:18
What are you working on? What is your word of the year? What mantras are you bringing with you into the new year? Happy New Year everyone.
40:25
I will see you in the next episode.
40:28
Thanks.
40:29
Bye.