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63. When Family Constellations Find You with Yulia Ilchyk · Constellations and all that...

• 0:00
  Tracy: Kiona and welcome to Constellations and all that.
• 0:03
  Tracy: I'm your host, Tracy Cartwright, and together we will be exploring the world of family constellations with facilitators for and clients from around the world, looking at different perspectives and experiences in the work, having a cup of tea, and just chatting with some friends around their experiences in constellations.
• 0:23
  Tracy: We'd love for you to join us.
• 0:25
  Tracy: I hope that you enjoy
• 0:26
  Yulia: this series as much as I have loved making it.
• 0:33
  Tracy: Kiata, everyone.
• 0:34
  Tracy: Welcome to Constellations and all that.
• 0:38
  Tracy: Today I have the pleasure of chatting with Yulia iCheck.
• 0:41
  Tracy: Welcome, Yulia.
• 0:42
  Tracy: It's so good to have you here on the podcast.
• 0:45
  Yulia: Thank you for inviting me and Tracy.
• 0:47
  Yulia: Hello And hello everyone who is listening.
• 0:50
  Tracy: Yulia, I don't do a formal introduction, but I'd love for you to introduce yourself.
• 0:56
  Tracy: Uh, we, we, you are based in the world, um, and anything that you feel that you want to share in this
• 1:03
  Yulia: moment.
• 1:03
  Yulia: So I'm a family Constellations facilitator and a so practitioner and holistic counselor.
• 1:12
  Yulia: I live in the United States, uh, just outside Washington, DC Uh, though originally I'm Ukrainian.
• 1:20
  Yulia: Uh, so I moved here just 12 years ago, but, uh, it allowed me to pursue the facilitation family installations because back in Ukraine I was, uh, in business environment.
• 1:34
  Yulia: Uh, I used to work for hotels, uh, in marketing and sales and builders.
• 1:39
  Yulia: Good career.
• 1:39
  Yulia: Career.
• 1:40
  Yulia: I felt very confident about that.
• 1:44
  Yulia: And then since I moved here to the United States, I was like, well, I had had family constellations for quite a while in my life, and I was like, I know.
• 1:55
  Yulia: Pretty much everything about hotels, probably I would like to try something different.
• 2:01
  Yulia: Uh, so this is how I started family installations, uh, as a facilitator, not only as attending.
• 2:10
  Yulia: The groups or circles as a client.
• 2:12
  Yulia: So first I learned about them in Ukraine in 2011, I believe.
• 2:18
  Yulia: And uh, then one thing led to another, right?
• 2:22
  Yulia: Because at certain point you realize that, well, probably family constellations is not enough and probably it's not always the best approach in certain situations.
• 2:32
  Yulia: However, amazing it's.
• 2:35
  Yulia: I found other approaches.
• 2:37
  Yulia: I'm happy to be able to combine those depending on what it's, that people would like to address and what it's, that is trying to emerge in our contact.
• 2:47
  Tracy: That's the beauty of this work, isn't it?
• 2:49
  Tracy: That, that it.
• 2:50
  Tracy: It melds.
• 2:51
  Tracy: So deliciously, oh, they're gonna use that word.
• 2:54
  Tracy: It melds deliciously with other modalities.
• 2:57
  Yulia: Uhhuh.
• 2:57
  Yulia: That's true.
• 2:58
  Yulia: Uh, i, I love this word that you use deliciously.
• 3:02
  Yulia: Uh, so true.
• 3:02
  Yulia: Yes.
• 3:03
  Yulia: That's how I found this, um, amazing, uh, of, uh, somatic approach.
• 3:10
  Yulia: Also, which is rooted in somatic experiencing by Peter Levi, Andal theory by por.
• 3:18
  Yulia: Uh, but she developed a total different, uh, method rooted in, in, in those approaches.
• 3:24
  Yulia: And when I saw that, I'm like.
• 3:25
  Yulia: She's aware of it, but this is totally constellation kind of work just based on the body of the person and include, which includes, um, a major focus, uh, on this, um, on the nervous system, right?
• 3:42
  Yulia: That.
• 3:43
  Yulia: She does many elements that are rooted in family constellations, and she doesn't even know about that.
• 3:51
  Yulia: So this is how I picked it up and I was like, I wanna that, I wanna look into those things, what we can do with them.
• 4:00
  Tracy: And that's interesting, isn't it?
• 4:02
  Tracy: Because in, because in the field of things, Peter Levine, who you say, you know, that's where the, was it the somatic?
• 4:09
  Tracy: Uh, release exercises came from
• 4:12
  Yulia: experiencing automatic
• 4:14
  Tracy: experience and he had a lot to do.
• 4:16
  Tracy: Him and Anguin St just were very mm-hmm.
• 4:19
  Tracy: Very, um, connected in the beginning when, around the times that she, um, from my understanding, from my awareness of conversations that I've had with her in the past, in the early days when she met Bert, he her, so, mm-hmm.
• 4:34
  Tracy: So there's that.
• 4:35
  Tracy: It's been weaving around the field.
• 4:39
  Yulia: I believe that there are so many other modalities that you can, um, well, the field is everywhere, right?
• 4:46
  Yulia: This uniting.
• 4:48
  Yulia: Power something greater, uh, that unites everything, or at least leading to this unity, you know, to this wholeness and, uh, inclusiveness of whatever once was split for any reason, right?
• 5:02
  Yulia: Or whatever was suppressed.
• 5:03
  Yulia: It, it tries to include it.
• 5:05
  Yulia: And I believe that this is the goal of many healing modalities and.
• 5:12
  Yulia: Psychotherapy and everything, right?
• 5:14
  Yulia: We wanna include what was excluded, just constellation.
• 5:19
  Yulia: Do that at multiple levels because they, um, observed the whole system, right?
• 5:24
  Yulia: So what was this like, uh, lower part of the iceberg?
• 5:29
  Yulia: What, what was the water that took us here?
• 5:31
  Yulia: Right?
• 5:32
  Yulia: So we see on the top what's happening, but what the current.
• 5:36
  Yulia: Brought us here.
• 5:38
  Yulia: And sometimes, of course, it has nothing to do with our personal experience or the experience that we can put into words if it's related to even to our personal experience.
• 5:49
  Yulia: But in youth or um, just.
• 5:53
  Yulia: Right.
• 5:54
  Yulia: And on top of that, all the transgenerational dance.
• 5:59
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 5:59
  Tracy: That flows down through throughout.
• 6:01
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 6:02
  Tracy: Our waters our, our system.
• 6:04
  Tracy: How did Constellations find you?
• 6:07
  Tracy: Said that to you first.
• 6:08
  Yulia: That's beautiful.
• 6:10
  Yulia: Way to put it.
• 6:11
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 6:11
  Yulia: How they found me, because this is exactly my case.
• 6:14
  Yulia: I wasn't looking for something, I didn't do any like search on the internet or something.
• 6:21
  Yulia: I, uh, at certain point of my life I noticed.
• 6:24
  Yulia: Pattern and they had no clue how to approach it.
• 6:29
  Yulia: So, um, a friend of mine, she said like, you know, I have this wonderful psychologist just see her.
• 6:35
  Yulia: And I went to see a psychologist and then it led one thing led to another, right?
• 6:40
  Yulia: So, um, I started, uh, attending the groups, which were basically, uh.
• 6:49
  Yulia: Uh, more philosophy, you know, and, um, working through art related things, uh, and such like, and one of the sessions, uh, one of the, one of us asked the question about family constellations, and I had no idea what it was.
• 7:06
  Yulia: It was like.
• 7:07
  Yulia: The first time that I heard of them.
• 7:10
  Yulia: And, uh, by coincidence, which is never a coincidence, um, uh, the psychologist, sorry.
• 7:17
  Tracy: Oh, by coincidence?
• 7:18
  Tracy: Yeah,
• 7:18
  Yulia: coincidence.
• 7:19
  Yulia: Uhhuh.
• 7:20
  Yulia: Um, so, uh, the psychologist, she proved to be quite aware of formal constellations, and she even studied them with the Germans.
• 7:28
  Yulia: So she, uh, knew the classics, let's put it this way, the foundation, right?
• 7:35
  Yulia: Um, uh, of this approach.
• 7:36
  Yulia: And she, uh, offered us to make one exercise, constellation based exercise.
• 7:43
  Yulia: The thing is that either I somehow missed a description or it proved to be not enough to me, but everything was jolly nice till the moment when I, um, proved to be in the spot representing.
• 7:59
  Yulia: Somebody's grandmother.
• 8:01
  Yulia: And then suddenly I realized that my whole body began shaking involuntarily, of course.
• 8:07
  Yulia: And I suddenly started having those thoughts coming through my brain, like, um, I'm gonna die.
• 8:13
  Yulia: I'm gonna not even see my child.
• 8:15
  Yulia: And, and it was horrible.
• 8:16
  Yulia: It was completely horrible.
• 8:18
  Yulia: And the client was absolutely calm and nice and like.
• 8:22
  Yulia: Nothing was happening to her, so I got so scared.
• 8:25
  Yulia: And what happened next?
• 8:27
  Yulia: Uh, the facilitator, she asked basically whether who exactly to represent, and the client was like, she's the grandmother, but we never knew our grandmother, the biological one, because she did giving birth.
• 8:45
  Yulia: I can't remember if it was her mother or father.
• 8:47
  Yulia: It doesn't really matter.
• 8:49
  Yulia: I was so affected by that because it was my.
• 8:56
  Yulia: I would say one of the first representations, and it was a really rough experience.
• 9:01
  Yulia: I didn't even realize that it was possible to access information so easily when you have no clue about the person, about the situation and their family, but just they ask you to represent.
• 9:18
  Yulia: And you say Yes, and it comes to you.
• 9:21
  Yulia: Whatever is excluded or whoever is excluded.
• 9:25
  Yulia: Of course I was, I, I felt shaken on one side.
• 9:28
  Yulia: On the other side, I felt like.
• 9:31
  Yulia: I need to find answers.
• 9:33
  Yulia: What has just happened to me, why the rest of people were fine.
• 9:37
  Yulia: This led me to, uh, further exploration of family constellations.
• 9:43
  Yulia: And, uh, once I got more information of how it works and, uh, why might have ha what, what causes this kind of responses and representation.
• 9:55
  Yulia: The first thing I did, I went.
• 9:56
  Yulia: Home, uh, back to my mom and I was like, mom, did we have something like that happening in our family?
• 10:04
  Yulia: And my mom was like, Hmm, no.
• 10:06
  Yulia: No.
• 10:07
  Yulia: Why?
• 10:07
  Yulia: Think about that?
• 10:09
  Yulia: But I was this thing.
• 10:10
  Yulia: I was like, do you.
• 10:12
  Yulia: Stories talking by your mother, maybe your grandparents, like somebody, uh, and she was denying, she was saying no, like for the next half an hour, but I didn't let her, you know, go.
• 10:24
  Yulia: And then she finally comes to me with her eyes wide open and she's like, how did you know?
• 10:32
  Yulia: I suddenly remembered, it dawned on me that my whole childhood, my aunt used to tell us this story.
• 10:40
  Yulia: It was exactly the same story.
• 10:43
  Yulia: Wow.
• 10:43
  Yulia: There was a woman, uh, in like fourth or fifth generation, uh, in my family.
• 10:50
  Yulia: Who died when giving birth.
• 10:52
  Yulia: And neither her and a child survived.
• 10:54
  Yulia: And there was another woman who came, uh, to the house, right, to uh, take care of the children and to be wife.
• 11:02
  Yulia: So they moved on.
• 11:04
  Yulia: It was exactly the case.
• 11:06
  Yulia: Wow.
• 11:07
  Yulia: And that experience, like, you know, it's like a huge puzzle that suddenly came together in me.
• 11:13
  Yulia: I experienced so much relief and at the same time.
• 11:17
  Yulia: There was so much like of wow, like this.
• 11:22
  Yulia: I was amazed that it's even possible and I keep being amazed, you know, in a way.
• 11:27
  Yulia: But that time I remember it as it happened just a few minutes ago.
• 11:33
  Yulia: And so clearly
• 11:34
  Tracy: it's amazing that you say that because this morning, um,'cause for me it's, it's morning here in, in and, um, and I was.
• 11:45
  Tracy: What, who popped into my mind?
• 11:46
  Tracy: So if I point to this picture behind me, this lady here, this is my great, my great grandmother on my father's side, his mother's mother, and she died in child, she died in childbirth.
• 11:57
  Tracy: My great uncle, he died in the birth as well.
• 12:01
  Tracy: So her and the baby died and they came to mind this morning while I was tuning into my day.
• 12:08
  Tracy: And so even before you started sharing, when I asked you how you met it, like I got these chills up through because that's our story as well.
• 12:16
  Tracy: So, yeah.
• 12:18
  Tracy: And I didn't, you know, before you even mentioned the, the missing, missing ancestry and, and child.
• 12:23
  Tracy: So it's amazing how the field works and, and weaves and connects us with, um, the resonant traumas and the pains and the grief that run through family systems.
• 12:35
  Tracy: I think that we personally think that we meet people who have that resonance and there's something in there that, um, sparks either an activation, maybe a good one or a bad one, or it allows for a deeper connection, or there could be some resistance.
• 12:50
  Tracy: So, you know, like what happens when I meet this person up there without going into tell me your family history when I first meet you, but you know, there's something isn't there.
• 12:59
  Tracy: And, and we, you and I were speaking before about.
• 13:03
  Tracy: The world is, is a small place and it gets even smaller now in this time, in this day and age with the zoom and uh, and the access to flights and, and all of that.
• 13:13
  Tracy: So.
• 13:15
  Tracy: So thank you for sharing that.
• 13:16
  Tracy: So, so you had that experience and then, and then where did you go from there?
• 13:20
  Tracy: You did more workshops?
• 13:22
  Yulia: Oh, yeah.
• 13:23
  Yulia: I decided to explore it further.
• 13:25
  Yulia: I felt really drawn to it and it felt to me like, uh, there is so much information that I miss.
• 13:34
  Yulia: And it's right here under my nose.
• 13:36
  Yulia: So, um, in Ukraine, uh, I dunno how it works in New Zealand, but in Ukraine, you, you, it, it was possible to find a group of family constellations, like every, I don't know, if not days and every week, which I did, I would just.
• 13:55
  Yulia: Work from Monday to Friday, and then I would go and um, to, to some family constellation circle on Saturdays or Sundays as a representative or sometimes to work on my, um, inquiries and to address something of my own.
• 14:10
  Yulia: And, uh, so this is how I have become a part of this constellation field.
• 14:15
  Yulia: And I was a client representative for quite a while, uh, for quite a long time.
• 14:22
  Yulia: And then, uh, when I moved to the United States, I was, uh, you know, okay, I know how hotels work, um, but I cannot say that I wanna begin from scratch doing the same thing, you know, that I had been doing for like 12 years by that time or something.
• 14:41
  Yulia: I was like, what, what really inspires me is.
• 14:46
  Yulia: Family constellations, systemic and family constellations.
• 14:49
  Yulia: So I decided to find, uh, an in-person training and I was lucky to find one here next to Washington, DC uh, in person.
• 15:00
  Yulia: And then I took another one online with the Ukrainian facilitator.
• 15:04
  Yulia: So, and, uh, but.
• 15:07
  Yulia: You know, it's, but doesn't means that it's continuous work, so you constantly keep learning and learning.
• 15:14
  Yulia: And
• 15:15
  Tracy: so who did you train with in, in dc Who did you train with?
• 15:20
  Yulia: It's Susan, and it's interesting because tomorrow I'm going have lunch with her, so, so I haven't seen her for a year.
• 15:28
  Yulia: Yes, that, sorry, what was Susan Felder Felder.
• 15:33
  Yulia: Susan Felder, Helen Institute, DC.
• 15:37
  Tracy: Oh, okay.
• 15:37
  Tracy: Yep, yep, yep, yep.
• 15:38
  Yulia: Okay.
• 15:40
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 15:40
  Yulia: So that's how you know her?
• 15:42
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 15:42
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 15:43
  Yulia: Oh, wonderful.
• 15:44
  Yulia: I trained with her one year, and then I, I was lucky to, uh, have a chance to attend in-person groups of who came, used to come here from, uh, Russia, from Moscow.
• 15:56
  Yulia: She, she's a very.
• 15:59
  Yulia: She's very profound facilitator.
• 16:01
  Yulia: I love her.
• 16:02
  Yulia: I, I
• 16:02
  Tracy: meet her in Sydney.
• 16:04
  Yulia: Okay.
• 16:04
  Yulia: Yes.
• 16:04
  Yulia: She, she used to go to Australian, um, gatherings.
• 16:08
  Yulia: Australian conference.
• 16:10
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 16:10
  Yulia: So, um, a big admirer of, uh, her work and how she listens to the field and, um.
• 16:19
  Yulia: Much she can include with her attention, uh, and what quality of presence she gives.
• 16:27
  Yulia: So I enjoy her work a lot and, uh, so I was lucky enough yeah, to, to train with her here in the United States and, um.
• 16:37
  Yulia: Then of course, uh, due to COVID, we had so much access and access right.
• 16:43
  Yulia: To facilitators who wouldn't do anything online if it were not for COVID.
• 16:49
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 16:49
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 16:49
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 16:50
  Yulia: So I trained with, um, the elders, uh, due to gene.
• 16:57
  Yulia: This international trainings and, um, it's continuous work.
• 17:02
  Yulia: Like right now I do shadow constellations, uh, training and I enjoy it very much with near Uhhuh.
• 17:11
  Tracy: I'm chatting with near next week, I think.
• 17:13
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 17:14
  Yulia: Oh,
• 17:14
  Tracy: amazing.
• 17:15
  Tracy: He's fascinating.
• 17:16
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 17:16
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 17:16
  Tracy: I've done quite a bit of work with him over the years, so yeah.
• 17:20
  Tracy: Beautiful stuff, beautiful stuff.
• 17:21
  Tracy: I love it.
• 17:22
  Tracy: And also interconnected.
• 17:24
  Tracy: And you are.
• 17:26
  Tracy: I saw on a flyer recently, you part of the, is it the you at a conference soon?
• 17:31
  Tracy: Is it, what is it?
• 17:35
  Yulia: So we, we met at Iska conference, right?
• 17:38
  Yulia: International Systemic Cons Association Conference in Marita in Mexico.
• 17:44
  Yulia: And, um, the upcoming conference is gonna be, uh, north American Systemic Cons Association, uh, during the conference, uh, here on the East Coast.
• 17:55
  Yulia: Uh, so I'll participate there in March.
• 17:58
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 17:59
  Tracy: Fantastic.
• 18:00
  Tracy: If you meet someone for the first time and you are talking about family constellations, how do you describe it in your own unique way?
• 18:08
  Yulia: Normally I say that, uh, first of all, this is a systemic, they give systemic perspective, so we perceive everyone as a part of something bigger, of a part of the system.
• 18:23
  Yulia: Many systems, but the initial one, the first one that we comment into is our family system.
• 18:29
  Yulia: This is why it has so much impact on us and no matter what it is that we're dealing with, whether it's business related or relationship related inquiry.
• 18:40
  Yulia: And uh, of course I manage, uh, I mentioned phenomenological phenomenology, uh, because it's hard.
• 18:47
  Yulia: It's hard to believe.
• 18:48
  Yulia: I believe that it's easy to explain, but it's hard to believe unless you try it, that you see much more, uh, when you set up just two figures on the desk, right?
• 18:57
  Yulia: Or, uh, that you have much more access to information just asking a person to represent someone, and they're there and they do represent someone, and you have access to much more information that you had just a few minutes ago.
• 19:13
  Yulia: And, um, I say the thermal constellations is, uh, an amazing approach to see.
• 19:23
  Yulia: It is hidden, the underlying cause of it.
• 19:26
  Yulia: I used to speak about trauma that they address transgenerational trauma, inherited trauma, but these days we know that we work more and more with.
• 19:37
  Yulia: Different parts and, uh, childhood experiences and, uh, uh, because we as human beings, uh, have our own system within us, right?
• 19:48
  Yulia: Uh, with all those, um, voices, uh, or experiences and suppressed emotions or feelings, I can, um, lead us through those.
• 20:05
  Yulia: Differently.
• 20:06
  Yulia: Differently in the future, not repeat them.
• 20:08
  Tracy: Beautiful.
• 20:10
  Tracy: Yeah, that's a great description.
• 20:11
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 20:11
  Tracy: I love that I ask that question.
• 20:13
  Tracy: I get such a, a beautiful myriad of, of responses to that, so that's really, really cool.
• 20:20
  Tracy: How do
• 20:21
  Yulia: you usually describe family installations?
• 20:23
  Tracy: Well, I usually go with the, I just talk about the what we often, what we experience didn't, you know, didn't start with us and that this is a way of discovering what is hidden behind something that just keeps arising in our life if we haven't, aren't able to shift it.
• 20:39
  Tracy: You know, there's many ways that we shift things, but if we aren't able to shift it, there's often something invisible.
• 20:45
  Tracy: That we're entangled with or we're, um, we're carrying, or our larger system or, or it's frozen or stuck inside of us.
• 20:53
  Tracy: So this is a gentle way of discovering what's hidden underneath an issue for us.
• 20:59
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 20:59
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 21:00
  Yulia: Yeah, that's
• 21:01
  Tracy: pretty much how I describe it mostly.
• 21:04
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 21:05
  Tracy: Now you've shared that, uh, with me earlier that you, that you have a, started a family since you've been in America.
• 21:12
  Tracy: You met your partner, your husband, and um,
• 21:14
  Yulia: yeah, this was the reason why I had to move.
• 21:17
  Yulia: Um,
• 21:17
  Tracy: this is what brought you to America.
• 21:21
  Yulia: Who brought to America Put this way, states.
• 21:33
  Yulia: I remember.
• 21:36
  Yulia: And then when I came here, uh, he was so proud of the United States and he's like, this is your dream come true.
• 21:43
  Yulia: I'm like, you wouldn't probably believe me.
• 21:46
  Yulia: I never dreamt of the United States at all.
• 21:50
  Yulia: I would rather least like many other countries I wanted to visit, but not the United States for some reason.
• 21:56
  Yulia: I don't know.
• 21:57
  Yulia: Uh, but here I am.
• 21:59
  Yulia: And I believe that in many ways, like adjusting, uh, like, you know, immigration to the United States probably is easier than immigration to any European country because of the diversity that we have here.
• 22:13
  Yulia: Uh, you know, it helps everyone is an immigrant, you know, to certain extent.
• 22:19
  Yulia: Um,
• 22:19
  Tracy: that's interesting to hear because we hear.
• 22:21
  Tracy: A lot about how hard it is to get into the United States and how, um, so that's interesting to hear
• 22:28
  Yulia: the road robot open.
• 22:29
  Yulia: For me, it was really easy for me.
• 22:31
  Yulia: Uh, like all this system, it worked very easy for me.
• 22:34
  Yulia: So I dunno, I know it's hard for the others.
• 22:38
  Yulia: It's not, um, that, like a one who didn't have any trouble.
• 22:42
  Tracy: I was talking yesterday with, with someone about fate and destiny.
• 22:45
  Tracy: So it feels like that was your Destin destiny to, to be there, to to step into the trainings and to Yeah.
• 22:54
  Tracy: Be with your husband.
• 22:55
  Yulia: Yeah, that's exactly how it feels to me.
• 22:56
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 22:57
  Yulia: That's exactly how it feels to me too.
• 22:59
  Tracy: Beautiful.
• 23:00
  Tracy: If you feel to share this, how has the work, the Constellation work, touched your family system?
• 23:06
  Yulia: I wouldn't speak for the whole system.
• 23:10
  Yulia: I would speak for myself probably once I got introduced to Family Constellations back in Kiev in Ukraine, after probably half a year or one year of, you know, attending, uh, family Constellations circles and everything, I suddenly realized that the pace of my life changed.
• 23:30
  Yulia: Like as if everything became more accessible to me.
• 23:36
  Yulia: So as if things started coming my way, I didn't have to apply so much effort towards them.
• 23:43
  Yulia: And further on, uh, of course I observed those experiences with, uh, those who were there in the group as well, who attended, uh, family constellation circles and how their life changed.
• 23:59
  Yulia: I keep being a client, you know, not only in training, but whenever I have a supervision or um, my therapy and uh, with a psychologist and then I see that, well, I remember I have already been here in this spot and I can explain everything and word everything and I'm still here, so probably I need a family constellation.
• 24:23
  Yulia: So I would just book a family constellation session for me.
• 24:26
  Yulia: And even if it doesn't, something gets resolved right away.
• 24:31
  Yulia: Uh, some other things take time, but they do get resolved.
• 24:36
  Yulia: I do experience a lot of shifts, for example.
• 24:40
  Yulia: Um, this is quite personal information, but I, I think I'm comfortable to share it.
• 24:45
  Yulia: Uh, circling back to my example with my first representation, right?
• 24:51
  Yulia: I suddenly realized that finding a life partner was linked to that experience in a certain way, because if you have a serious relationship, it leads to marriage, and marriage leads to children.
• 25:06
  Yulia: So I had tremendous fear, which I wasn't even aware of, and it was impossible to reach to that piece through any narration based therapy.
• 25:19
  Yulia: It was just impossible.
• 25:21
  Yulia: It was impossible to connect those dots.
• 25:24
  Yulia: It would've taken me forever.
• 25:25
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 25:26
  Yulia: Same with children, right?
• 25:28
  Yulia: Having children, and now I'm a mother of a seven year, so, um, it did change my life.
• 25:35
  Yulia: Uh, family constellations did change my life, and I would say multiple times.
• 25:40
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 25:41
  Tracy: Wow.
• 25:42
  Tracy: That's beautiful.
• 25:42
  Tracy: And I think, you know, the, and the unconscious.
• 25:46
  Tracy: Uh, so as women, every time we fall pregnant, we risk our lives.
• 25:52
  Tracy: It is even in today's day and age, right?
• 25:55
  Tracy: And then if we have an ancestor who has, uh, died in childbirth, and maybe there's many, because, you know, that wasn't, that's, that's history.
• 26:04
  Tracy: That's it's the reality of what's gone before us.
• 26:08
  Tracy: It can be so overwhelming and driving for us, without us even realizing.
• 26:13
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 26:14
  Tracy: Those invisible blocks, eh, blind spots.
• 26:17
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 26:17
  Yulia: And it's amazing how in the field of, uh, family constellation work, you see it brings up whatever is the strongest whatever it is that you resonate to what is on the surface, but you do not see it.
• 26:31
  Yulia: Uh, right.
• 26:32
  Yulia: So you have the resonance to it as a, as a representative.
• 26:37
  Yulia: So you may think and over think and build the strategy.
• 26:43
  Yulia: Your brain and it'll have nothing to do with what it's, you actually need to address.
• 26:47
  Yulia: But once Yout, you can gather so much information from this representation.
• 26:54
  Yulia: And you see for me, I.
• 26:57
  Yulia: Didn't have any intention back at that time.
• 27:00
  Yulia: Right?
• 27:00
  Yulia: Uh, standing in the place of a grandmother, I didn't have any in intention back then to get married, uh, have a child, but this is what was in my field, in my family's field.
• 27:11
  Yulia: So this is what showed up in the first place.
• 27:15
  Yulia: And, uh, I had to come back and, uh, you know, to, to the topic and, uh, um, discover other layers, one after the other to address them.
• 27:27
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 27:27
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 27:28
  Tracy: Sometimes we think, oh, I've done that layer, I've done that work.
• 27:30
  Tracy: But actually you've done a layer of it.
• 27:32
  Tracy: Right?
• 27:32
  Tracy: And there's another layer.
• 27:34
  Tracy: Just peel that back a little bit more
• 27:36
  Yulia: different angles and.
• 27:41
  Yulia: I would say in, um, the way you, you enter, uh, that layer of information, uh, can be different.
• 27:49
  Yulia: So you can be in a very different spot.
• 27:50
  Yulia: So you can, you can feel trapped and this will be, again, that same story, but you, but.
• 27:57
  Yulia: You will be entering it, like accessing it from the perspective of money or business or your relationship with your son or daughter or somebody else.
• 28:07
  Yulia: Right?
• 28:08
  Yulia: Uh, so, um, those core dynamics or big traumas, uh, they, they have multiple layers and it's okay to come back and to, to work on them again and again.
• 28:21
  Yulia: It's like, uh, I, I, I. I'm sure that you have that kind of question from your, uh, clients Like mother again.
• 28:30
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 28:31
  Tracy: Not another mother wound.
• 28:32
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 28:33
  Yulia: What, what?
• 28:34
  Yulia: I have worked with my mother.
• 28:35
  Yulia: Why do I have to work with it again?
• 28:38
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 28:38
  Tracy: I, I remember once going this, this has to be a father wound.
• 28:42
  Tracy: Oh.
• 28:42
  Tracy: It's a mother wound.
• 28:43
  Tracy: Mm-hmm.
• 28:44
  Tracy: I was coming from there.
• 28:46
  Tracy: You asked earlier, you said earlier, oh, you know what it's like in New Zealand?
• 28:50
  Tracy: So in, in here, in art, we call it art in New Zealand.
• 28:54
  Tracy: It, well, I do, it's not as common.
• 28:58
  Tracy: Um, it's growing and we're working to create more facilitators and so it's been.
• 29:05
  Tracy: It's been in the country for, for 20, maybe even 30 years, but it's never really taken off until the last few years, maybe the last 10 years just, well, not even that really the last five years it's really, really starting to take off.
• 29:21
  Tracy: So I hope that one day people are able to go, oh, look, there's all these different facilitators I get to choose from and, and today I am gonna go here and maybe in next month I'll go there or.
• 29:31
  Tracy: So that's our goal is to increase it.
• 29:34
  Tracy: And so that's part of the reason why I started this podcast was so that to get more information out there and for people to hear different perspectives on Constellation, to, to be able to connect with different facilitators.
• 29:46
  Tracy: To allow people to, or yeah, to allow people to understand that there is so much more out there in the world.
• 29:52
  Tracy: And um, and access to beautiful people that hold such amazing knowledge like yourself.
• 29:58
  Tracy: Yeah,
• 29:59
  Yulia: believe that there is many beautiful modalities these day, that all we need is information.
• 30:05
  Yulia: People need to know that it's positive.
• 30:09
  Yulia: There is no need to carry on coping with something that feels so uncomfortable that you can find something that would work for you personally, including pe.
• 30:19
  Tracy: You were able to gimme a snippet or an idea of how you.
• 30:25
  Tracy: Blend your somatic exercises or or practices with constellations?
• 30:30
  Tracy: Is there something that maybe the audience could.
• 30:35
  Tracy: Here, or, or practice or something.
• 30:37
  Yulia: Would you like me to, um, come up with some exercise or, uh, just to describe, um, how I approach
• 30:45
  Tracy: it, what was there for you?
• 30:46
  Tracy: If you wanna describe it, that's cool.
• 30:47
  Tracy: If you, if you wanna go, if you wanna share an exercise, a very brief one, that would be cool as well.
• 30:54
  Yulia: I cannot come up with an exercise, uh, but.
• 30:57
  Yulia: I can say that, um, for example, when, when I have a family constellation with someone, right?
• 31:03
  Yulia: For someone, if it's online, I notice that like certain moments might be experienced extremely overwhelming.
• 31:13
  Yulia: By another person.
• 31:14
  Yulia: Right?
• 31:14
  Yulia: By by the person who is addressing, uh, something, right?
• 31:18
  Yulia: And I believe that this is where, uh, it's better to provide, to, uh, provide anything that would be beneficial to self-regulate.
• 31:28
  Yulia: Right?
• 31:29
  Yulia: To feel like your back in your.
• 31:31
  Yulia: Yes, so this is when I would ask a person, and these things can actually be used on a daily basis by anyone.
• 31:40
  Yulia: I would ask just to notice how they're breathing, like placing one hand on the chest and another one on the abdomen, and just observing the way they're breathing and probably saying something.
• 31:58
  Yulia: Again, we should be careful there because if I'm alive becomes a trigger, then we should probably go back to I breathe because this is something obvious that you cannot be doubting.
• 32:11
  Yulia: Probably you can be a little bit disconnected from it, but even if it's very shallow breathing with gaps in between.
• 32:18
  Yulia: You still breathe, right?
• 32:20
  Yulia: You cannot argue that, uh, yeah.
• 32:22
  Yulia: About that.
• 32:23
  Yulia: So I believe that it provides, you know, it's so accessible, uh, but people feel more grounded then, so they're able to move forward in a way, staying on the shore rather than feeling like they're, you know, drowning in the ocean of emotions and feelings.
• 32:43
  Yulia: So observing the ocean is very different.
• 32:46
  Yulia: You know, having your feet in, in the ocean than feeling that you're drowning.
• 32:51
  Yulia: Another way to deal with it would be to, to come back to yourself, right?
• 32:55
  Yulia: To take attention from outside to your body.
• 32:58
  Yulia: Uh, would be, for example, making three V sounds on exhale, so it would bring your attention back to you, which would look just like all the way to the end, and then another one.
• 33:12
  Yulia: And then another boost, then another one.
• 33:15
  Yulia: And normally it's very soothing and uh, it provides certain vibration and people hear their own voice.
• 33:23
  Yulia: So it's much easier to feel grounded, to feel like, oh.
• 33:29
  Yulia: Actually, I can do something.
• 33:31
  Yulia: I'm here.
• 33:32
  Yulia: So it's not things that keep happening to me, it's me who can navigate through those, um, experiences, which I believe is a different perspective and can be quite supportive.
• 33:44
  Yulia: Uh, during the session.
• 33:45
  Yulia: We can also do that even during the final constellation circles in person.
• 33:50
  Yulia: For example, if and I.
• 33:56
  Yulia: Experiences, a lot of rage or representative experiences, a lot of rage and they name it, but it doesn't disappear because you name it, right?
• 34:04
  Yulia: Or because someone says, yes, I see that you're angry or something.
• 34:07
  Yulia: Sometimes you need to express it somehow differently and uh, and safely.
• 34:13
  Yulia: So I would just ask to move the wall, uh, for a few seconds and you can see to push against the wall.
• 34:20
  Yulia: Yes.
• 34:22
  Yulia: The wall like leaning forward a little bit.
• 34:25
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 34:26
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 34:27
  Yulia: And stay like this for 10, 15 seconds and you'll see that representatives would be relieved or even start moving somehow, you know, because of this release happening in the system right now.
• 34:41
  Yulia: So it can be used this way.
• 34:43
  Yulia: Uh, and uh, another option which, uh, I do in, uh, online sessions when someone wants to work, um, moving trauma through their body, right?
• 34:54
  Yulia: Somatic, using somatic release.
• 34:57
  Yulia: Sometimes I see that it's easier to approach certain moments through the field work.
• 35:05
  Yulia: Um, not necessarily the whole constellation, but you know, when, uh, the attention of the person is looking for something.
• 35:14
  Yulia: And if you follow, uh, that attention, you see that horizon, that the person.
• 35:21
  Yulia: Reaches right.
• 35:22
  Yulia: And once you offer this resolution sentence, it, it feels like highway.
• 35:28
  Yulia: So the body has immediate release.
• 35:30
  Yulia: Sometimes it works that way.
• 35:33
  Yulia: Um, so it's a combination of the two.
• 35:35
  Yulia: Yeah, and sometimes you think that, okay, we do somatic release, but you see that, uh, this is a systemic thing.
• 35:45
  Yulia: This is a transgenerational thing, and you, you can breathe and do anything like observing your nervous system, but there is no release happening because first things.
• 35:58
  Yulia: First you need to address the architecture of the process and family constellations would be better, you know, in that case.
• 36:08
  Yulia: And then, uh, you can navigate through the personal experiences addressing them through nervous system release.
• 36:16
  Tracy: Fantastic.
• 36:18
  Tracy: Interesting.
• 36:18
  Tracy: You know, do some v when I am.
• 36:21
  Tracy: Um, yeah, I, I'm.
• 36:24
  Tracy: As we'd all do, right.
• 36:25
  Tracy: We're going through different layers.
• 36:26
  Tracy: At the moment, I'm doing a, a, a detox and anti-inflammatory detox and it's bringing up a lot of stuff as well, and I'm having little moments mm-hmm.
• 36:34
  Tracy: Of things coming.
• 36:35
  Tracy: So thank you for that.
• 36:37
  Tracy: That's beautiful.
• 36:38
  Tracy: I will, I will tap into that.
• 36:40
  Tracy: Very cool.
• 36:41
  Yulia: Welcome.
• 36:43
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 36:43
  Yulia: Particularly when our attention is like, you know, in this fight of light response.
• 36:48
  Yulia: So it's like outside of us, we dot feel us because we're in such a hypervigilant state, right?
• 36:55
  Yulia: Mm-hmm.
• 36:55
  Yulia: So we don't feel safe.
• 36:57
  Yulia: Basically, V brings our attention back to us and we can know that actually we're safe and then we can, uh, you know, process things very differently.
• 37:07
  Tracy: Yeah, beautiful.
• 37:09
  Tracy: I love sound.
• 37:10
  Tracy: I use sound in my work a lot.
• 37:12
  Tracy: So, and that I haven't trained in somatic experiencing, uh, or releasing, but I know that the more that I have done, the more I've experienced it, I realize, oh, I'm doing that.
• 37:25
  Tracy: I'm doing those things.
• 37:26
  Tracy: So, um, somehow it's, it's, it's infused in my work.
• 37:31
  Tracy: I just don't know that that's what you call it.
• 37:34
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 37:34
  Yulia: I believe that in thematic release what happens is that the major attention is on the body responses, so you include the body more while family constellations, the.
• 37:48
  Yulia: Uh, our attention is on a bigger picture, right, on the architecture of the process on the field and what it is that is happening there.
• 37:57
  Yulia: What is trying to emerge through this while in sematic work?
• 38:01
  Yulia: I believe in any kind of sematic approach.
• 38:04
  Yulia: We'll be based on what it is that our body is telling us.
• 38:08
  Yulia: What is the story behind this?
• 38:11
  Yulia: I.
• 38:13
  Yulia: In our chest, or butterflies in our stomach, or heaviness in our shoulders.
• 38:19
  Yulia: So, uh, it just, uh, the focus, uh, that changes.
• 38:24
  Yulia: But, uh, it's, again, we just include and keep including and keep following with our attention, the processes that are unwrapping in front of us.
• 38:35
  Tracy: That's so good.
• 38:36
  Tracy: How the body can guide us as well.
• 38:39
  Tracy: Especially when we like, if we can stay in it and become aware of it.
• 38:43
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 38:44
  Tracy: Thank you for that.
• 38:45
  Tracy: If someone wants to work with you online or or in person, how would they contact you?
• 38:51
  Tracy: I'm gonna, I know that you've passed me on the details and I'm put gonna put 'em in the thread, but I also like people to just share it audibly so that um, those who are listening can, can, uh.
• 39:07
  Yulia: Very simple website, so the name of it's family constellations dc com, and my email is info family constellations dc com.
• 39:20
  Yulia: So it's easy to find me that way.
• 39:23
  Yulia: I present on social media, on uh, Instagram and Facebook, and that's again, family Constellations, DC Family Constellations with
• 39:34
  Tracy: great.
• 39:34
  Tracy: And I have a, there's a New Zealand family constellation page that, that has ended up.
• 39:40
  Tracy: I started it out, uh, just to kind of get information out here in New Zealand, but it's ended up going quite global, so I'm getting people from all around the world.
• 39:49
  Tracy: We sharing stuff on there.
• 39:50
  Tracy: So if there's e ever anything that you'd like to share.
• 39:53
  Tracy: It's the, um, the New Zealand family and Systemic Constellation Group.
• 39:58
  Tracy: So yeah, it goes all around them.
• 40:02
  Tracy: So that's, thank you.
• 40:02
  Tracy: So that's good.
• 40:03
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 40:04
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 40:04
  Tracy: It's good.
• 40:04
  Tracy: It's good to share.
• 40:05
  Tracy: I love that.
• 40:06
  Tracy: Um, our community even, uh, is growing and evolving.
• 40:10
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 40:11
  Tracy: Really, really cool.
• 40:12
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 40:12
  Yulia: And it's beautiful to even observe that, uh, how many people come together and, uh, share the vision or, you know, uh, family constellations is, uh, not just an approach.
• 40:25
  Yulia: It's like, uh, your whole life perspective changes.
• 40:30
  Yulia: Right.
• 40:30
  Yulia: The way you see things changes, uh, you cannot unsee that anymore.
• 40:35
  Yulia: Yeah, totally.
• 40:37
  Yulia: So you, you relate very differently to what it's, that you observe in your life or in, in the others, right?
• 40:44
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 40:44
  Yulia: And, uh, it's amazing how this, uh, family constellations community is growing and evolving and, uh, includes many other aspects and modalities at the same time.
• 40:56
  Yulia: So everyone is.
• 40:57
  Yulia: So different in this field and the way you experience work with one facilitator.
• 41:03
  Yulia: It'll be something very different with the other though we follow the same, uh, foundations, right.
• 41:10
  Yulia: Of this work and, uh, philosophy.
• 41:13
  Yulia: Right.
• 41:13
  Yulia: Uh, and along with that, uh, since our experiences are so different as as facilitators, right?
• 41:22
  Yulia: Absolutely.
• 41:25
  Yulia: Being different every single time you experience this.
• 41:30
  Tracy: I'm being, I'm being nudged to ask you this question because you, you mentioned that you were, and you were still, and that was when you were sort of learning, um, and, and being introduced to constellations and, and all that.
• 41:42
  Tracy: What did you observe?
• 41:44
  Tracy: Or did it change your observation of things that within the hotel system, within the organizational side of things, like was there any residue from the constellations that you could then see things in your.
• 41:58
  Tracy: In your, in your work differently?
• 42:00
  Tracy: That's a few questions.
• 42:01
  Yulia: You know, I, um, sometimes joke that I'm so focused on, uh, individual constellations rather than, um, organizational because I got tired of business environment at some point.
• 42:16
  Yulia: Uh, and I, I believe that to a certain extent this is true.
• 42:19
  Yulia: The, uh, organizational work, uh, is interesting for me as well.
• 42:25
  Yulia: Hotel.
• 42:27
  Yulia: I would say that I observed, that I started relating differently to how I managed my department on certain.
• 42:42
  Yulia: Crisis, you know, situations or how I perceive the structure and how people related to each other within a hotel as a system.
• 42:52
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 42:53
  Yulia: I believe that any business can benefit from family constellations.
• 42:58
  Yulia: The question is how open they are for it Right there
• 43:04
  Tracy: with you.
• 43:04
  Tracy: I'm the same.
• 43:04
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 43:05
  Tracy: And it, and it fascinates me as well, though I don't have an organizational background.
• 43:10
  Tracy: Well, maybe I do, but, but I don't think, you know, like I'm not corporate, but I've definitely been involved in a lot of different organizations.
• 43:17
  Tracy: So I guess I do in some way, but, but it does fascinate me, so, um, who knows, maybe one day I'll open that door as well.
• 43:24
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 43:25
  Yulia: And day I open that doors.
• 43:25
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 43:25
  Yulia: And again, about, uh, organizational work, you know, this is, I believe that this is the beauty of, uh, systemic work.
• 43:32
  Yulia: What works for an organization, it also works for the family, you know, and the other way around.
• 43:40
  Yulia: Because if you listen to Jacobs, uh, right, no matter, uh, there, it's.
• 43:48
  Yulia: Uh, something related to business organization or societal work.
• 43:53
  Yulia: You can easily translate it into anything else, into any other kind of inquiry.
• 44:01
  Yulia: And I, I love how he says like about, um.
• 44:05
  Yulia: What is it trying to emerge?
• 44:07
  Yulia: Right?
• 44:07
  Yulia: So we're searching for what is it that is emerging that wants be seen,
• 44:12
  Tracy: the emerging
• 44:13
  Yulia: future Future.
• 44:16
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 44:17
  Yulia: It applies to anything.
• 44:18
  Tracy: That's alright.
• 44:20
  Tracy: That's alright.
• 44:20
  Tracy: Well, I'm just looking at my clock and it says 1111.
• 44:24
  Tracy: Perfect.
• 44:25
  Tracy: Perfect Little angel numbers.
• 44:26
  Tracy: I think we'll.
• 44:27
  Tracy: We'll leave it there.
• 44:29
  Tracy: Thank you so much for saying yes to coming and having a chat with me and sharing your beautiful knowledge.
• 44:36
  Tracy: And, um, is there anything else that you would like to, to leave in here before we say goodbye?
• 44:43
  Yulia: Uh, I, I'm very grateful for what it's that you do promoting, uh, family constellations and, uh, giving people this information and access to this approach and other modalities, right, that, uh, they can benefit from.
• 44:59
  Yulia: And, uh, thank you for inviting me.
• 45:02
  Yulia: Here.
• 45:03
  Yulia: It was lovely spending this time with you and having this conversation.
• 45:07
  Yulia: I was really touched to see that, oh, we have some people from New Zealand coming over to Mexico.
• 45:15
  Yulia: You know, I was really, uh, happy to see that, um, you know, the threads of family constellations, they come together, uh, meaning us, uh, together, you know, from the however far we are.
• 45:32
  Yulia: World certain point.
• 45:34
  Yulia: We're very, in a certain sense, we're very close.
• 45:36
  Yulia: Um, thank you.
• 45:37
  Yulia: Yeah.
• 45:38
  Tracy: Yeah, it was, uh, it was a life changing experience going there too.
• 45:42
  Tracy: So life enhancing.
• 45:44
  Tracy: Life enhancing experience.
• 45:45
  Tracy: It was beautiful.
• 45:46
  Tracy: Thank you.
• 45:47
  Tracy: Yeah.
• 45:48
  Tracy: Thank you for listening.
• 45:50
  Tracy: Head over to Instagram and tell me what's resonated for you with this episode.
• 45:54
  Tracy: You'll find me at Tracy dot Cartwright.
• 45:58
  Tracy: That's Tracy with no e dot Cartwright and the or head over to my website, Tracy cartwright.co.nz and receive a free audio with the gift from your ancestors.
• 46:10
  Tracy: So until next time, be kind to yourself and have fun doing it.