Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Be a Good Mentee Not Just a Good Mentor
Transcript
- Lucas: So we've spent a lot of episodes talking about how to find a mentor, how to ask someone to be your sponsor, how to navigate that relationship from the senior person's side. But I think we've kind of skipped over something obvious. Luna: Oh yeah? What's that? Lucas: How to actually be a good mentee. You know, the person sitting across the table — or the Zoom screen — who gets the most out of that thirty minutes. I think we assume that if you land a good mentor, the magic just happens. But that's not really true. Luna: I think you're right. I've definitely had mentor meetings where I walked out and thought, 'Well, that was a waste of both our time.' And it was probably my fault. Lucas: Exactly. And the data backs that up. There's a 2023 study in the Journal of Vocational Behavior that found mentees who set explicit goals before each meeting got two point three times more actionable advice than mentees who just showed up and said 'So, what do you think I should do?' Luna: Two point three times. That's huge. So what does that look like in practice? Can you give me a concrete example? Lucas: Sure. A friend of mine — let's call her Sarah — she was three years into a marketing role at a big consumer goods company. She was getting good performance reviews but felt kind of stuck. She reached out to a senior director she admired, got a coffee meeting, and the first two sessions went like this: she'd say 'I'm interested in leadership, what do you think I should work on?' Luna: Which sounds reasonable, but it's really vague. Lucas: Exactly. The mentor gave generic advice: 'Find a stretch project, build your network.' Fine, but not specific to Sarah. So for the third meeting, I told her to try something different. She wrote a one-page brief beforehand. Her actual goal wasn't a promotion — it was a lateral move to the brand management team. She wanted to shift from digital marketing to brand strategy. Luna: Okay, so she got specific about the real desire. That's step one. Lucas: Right. And then she prepared three specific questions. Not 'What do you think?' but 'I'm considering moving to brand. I've identified two teams I'd fit: the premium skincare line and the new wellness division. Based on what you know about the politics and growth trajectory, which one would give me better exposure to the CMO?' Luna: Wow. That's a completely different conversation. The mentor can actually add value. Lucas: He said 'Skincare, no question. The wellness division is a pet project of the CFO, but it's under-resourced.' Sarah got that insight in thirty seconds because she did the legwork. The mentor didn't have to guess what she needed. Luna: So the mentee's job is to narrow the aperture. Define the problem, propose options, ask for feedback on your reasoning. Not ask for a solution. Lucas: Exactly. I think of it like a product design sprint. You bring the user research, the wireframes, the trade-offs. The mentor is the senior designer who says 'That assumption is wrong' or 'Actually, the stakeholder on that project is a nightmare — avoid it.' Luna: I love that framework. And it applies to sponsorship too, right? The sponsor relationship is even more high stakes. Lucas: Absolutely. With a sponsor, you're asking someone to put their reputation on the line for you. So the bar for preparation is even higher. There's a technique I've heard called the 'kitchen test' — borrowed from venture capital. Before a VC invests, they invite the founder to their home for dinner, see how they interact with the family, how they handle a glass of wine. Luna: So the sponsor equivalent is… what? A casual coffee where they test if you're someone they'd want to be associated with? Lucas: Exactly. A sponsor I know says he takes potential protégés to lunch at a noisy deli. He watches how they treat the server, whether they're on their phone, whether they can hold a conversation while the place is chaotic. If they can't pass the kitchen test, he won't sponsor them, no matter how talented. Luna: That's a good filter. Because sponsorship is personal. Your sponsor is essentially saying 'I vouch for this person.' Lucas: Right. So as a mentee, you have to treat every interaction as a test of trustworthiness. And that means following up. This is something I see people mess up all the time. Luna: The follow-up. Yes. I've been guilty of having a great mentor conversation, feeling inspired, and then… nothing. No email. No update three months later. Lucas: And that mentor remembers. Because they invested time and emotional energy. The best mentees send a thank-you note that includes one specific thing they learned and one action they took as a result. Then, six months later, they send a brief update: 'Hey, I followed your advice on the skincare team — it worked. I'm leading the launch now.' Luna: That closes the loop. It makes the mentor feel their time was well spent. And it makes them more likely to say yes to a future ask. Lucas: Exactly. There's a reciprocity dynamic. Mentors are more invested in mentees who demonstrate progress. So the mentee's job is to make the mentor look good. Luna: I want to go back to the preparation piece. You mentioned a one-page brief. What's actually on that page? Lucas: Sure. Top line: what I'm working on now. Second: the specific decision or crossroads I'm facing. Third: two or three options I've already considered, with pros and cons. Fourth: what I'm asking from the mentor — not a solution, but a perspective check. Luna: So the mentor doesn't have to start from scratch. They can jump straight to the value-add. Lucas: Exactly. And it shows respect for their time. I'd argue that's the number one trait of a good mentee: respect for the mentor's time. That means being concise, being prepared, and not treating the mentor as a therapist. Luna: Right. The mentor is not there to listen to you vent about your boss. They're there to give career-specific advice. Lucas: Unless the venting is actually about a strategic problem. But you should frame it that way: 'I'm having a challenge with my manager's decision-making style. I've tried X and Y. Have you seen a similar dynamic, and how did you handle it?' That's a completely different ask. Luna: Let's talk about the ask itself. How do you ask someone to be a mentor or sponsor in a way that doesn't feel awkward? Lucas: I think the key is to be specific and low-commitment upfront. Instead of 'Will you be my mentor?' which sounds like a marriage proposal, say 'I really admire how you navigated the transition from finance to operations. I'm considering a similar move. Would you be open to a twenty-minute chat next week to share your perspective?' Luna: That's an ask for advice, not a commitment. And if the chemistry is there, it can evolve naturally. Lucas: Right. And for sponsorship, it's even more explicit. You might say 'I'm applying for the leadership development program. I think my track record in supply chain could be valuable. Would you be willing to recommend me to the selection committee if you feel I'm a strong candidate?' That's a direct ask for advocacy. Luna: And if they say no, you haven't lost anything. You've learned where you stand. Lucas: Exactly. And you should be grateful for a clear no. It saves years of ambiguity. Luna: So to sum up: be prepared, be specific, follow up, and respect their time. Anything else? Lucas: One more thing: be willing to give back. Mentorship is a two-way street. Even if you're junior, you can bring something: a fresh perspective on social media, an insight into what entry-level talent is thinking, a connection to someone in your network. Good mentors appreciate that. Luna: So you're saying the best mentees are also mini-mentors in their own way. They bring value to the relationship. Lucas: Exactly. And that's how you turn a one-off coffee into a long-term relationship that benefits both of you. Luna: I think that's a great note to end on. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. Next episode, we'll talk about how to gracefully end a mentorship that's run its course.