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Hypnosis for Sexual Performance Anxiety - Rewire Pressure into Playful Confidence · The Hypnotist

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  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing
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  genuine. Issues.
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  Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, demanded by
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  celebrities CE OS and even royalty Adam Cox, these
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  recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's world
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  famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
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  enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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  Hi, it's Adam here. And you're about to listen to a
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  hypnosis session about reducing performance anxiety,
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  specifically related to sex. And I was working with a client
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  that because of early sexual experiences, they felt that
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  there was a lot of pressure, a lot of judgement that they could
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  get it wrong and what it would mean to them in terms of how
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  they would judge themself and how other people would judge
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  them if they didn't do it right or if they didn't do it well.
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  And they had all these different ways of evaluating that in the
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  early. Days of.
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  Their adulthood and because of that, there's a saying in
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  neuropsychology that neurons that.
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  Fire. Together wire together.
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  So if the idea of having sex is connected with this feeling.
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  Of. Judgement, shame, pressure and
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  high expectations and that feels horrible.
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  Then it comes to a point where you might actually avoid certain
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  situations that could lead to sex because you don't want to
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  feel that horrible sensation of anxiety and pressure and this
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  client. Had had.
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  That experience and there was nothing physically wrong, it was
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  just that their brain had linked up.
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  Sex means pressure and that had became almost a way and almost a
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  physiological reaction, but they didn't have that in every area
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  of. Their life.
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  Certain things like playing certain games or sports, if
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  someone said, hey, do you want to play that game, they wouldn't
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  feel the pressure or expectation.
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  They would just feel like, yeah, of course that's a fun thing to
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  do. So what this hypnosis session?
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  Does is starts? To break the connection that sex
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  means pressure or initiation of sex means pressure to a
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  different belief system, that it means play, it means opportunity
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  or fun. It just means a low stakes thing
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  of connection and passion and fun things rather than pressured
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  things. And in doing so, what we're
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  actually doing here is harnessing the natural
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  neuroplasticity of the human brain to create a new
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  association. And that new association can
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  happen if we find that pre-existing way of already
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  thinking so that the neurons that fire together wire
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  together. We're doing in an opposite way,
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  finding really playful positive emotions and linking that to the
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  idea of either responding to an an initiation of sex or
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  initiating sex itself. So if you feel performance
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  anxiety, the idea of having sex this session might be beneficial
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  for you. Just be aware though that it was
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  created for an individual. This happens to be a male client
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  with a female client. Your situation may be different.
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  So therefore some of these suggestions might be ideal for
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  the client I was working with and not quite right for you.
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  So pick and choose like any suggestions that feel like it's
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  helping, like the broad suggestions that this is a low
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  stakes, playful, curious kind of thing that might be useful.
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  There might be others that aren't quite right.
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  So just disregard any suggestions that don't quite fit
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  you. And if you do like the idea of a
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  bespoke session tailored exactly to you, there will be a link in
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  the description or on my website adamcox.co.uk, and there you can
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  schedule a free consultation call and we can explore working
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  together. For now, though, find a quiet,
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  comfortable place where you won't be distracted or
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  disturbed. Relax and enjoy the session.
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  Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe in, breathe in that
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  resourceful feeling of calm and relaxation.
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  And as you exhale, allow your eyelids to close, and as they do
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  so, feel a sense of release, almost like any pent up
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  pressure, stress, expectations that you have of yourself are
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  being released in every outward breath.
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  And when you breathe in, breathe in a wonderful feeling of calm
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  confidence. You've had this feeling many
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  times before, but as you breathe in, imagine breathing in that
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  calm confidence. And as you exhale.
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  Release the. Pressure, expectations and any
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  fear of judgement, especially your own.
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  Feel it. Leaving your body in that
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  outward breath. And maybe you've already noticed
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  that the deeper you breathe, the more relaxed and less pressured
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  you feel. And the more relaxed you feel
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  the deeper you breathe. Each breath is able to take you
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  deeper and deeper. Relax.
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  Now that's it. And I wonder if you can use the
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  power of your imagination to think of a moment where someone
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  suggested something and the moment they said it, you were
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  immediately looking forward to that thing.
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  Maybe a game, maybe an activity, maybe just an idea, and the
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  moment you heard it, something conscious or unconscious
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  evaluated that as something positive within your
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  capabilities and fun or desirable.
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  And as you go back to that memory, awaken all of those
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  neurons that know how to get excited at the prospect of
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  something, and then use the power of your imagination to
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  imagine a place in nature where you feel deeply relaxed.
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  And as you exhale, feel your body relax, maybe from your neck
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  or your shoulders, your jaw, your arms or your legs.
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  Because here, within your imagination, there is nothing
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  you need to achieve, nothing to perform and nothing to prove.
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  Here is just your imagination, a playground of possibility.
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  And sometimes thinking about something feels like a rehearsal
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  practice, just thoughts, all of which are safe.
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  You can't get it wrong. Allow your body to begin doing
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  what it naturally does when there is no threat, when there
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  is no expectation. Your breathing finds its own
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  rhythm. Your eyes rest even under your
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  eyelids. And just imagine a dial, some
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  kind of button, like a volume button there in your body that
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  represents pressure. And as you breathe in and
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  breathe out just right now turn it down.
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  And whatever number it may have been, turn it down all the way
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  to 1 or even 0. Because here there is no
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  expectation, only curiosity. And sometimes the mind learns
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  associations, just like a dog learns that that leash, that dog
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  lead, means something specific. And your brain learned that
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  certain cues, a phrase, a look, a touch, a suggestion or thought
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  about what to do later, your brain thought that meant
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  pressure. When the brain.
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  Believes something means pressure.
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  It creates a self fulfilling prophecy.
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  It prepares for. Evaluation.
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  And that evaluation means that you can get it right or get it
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  wrong. It activates anxiety, not
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  because something is wrong with you, but because your nervous
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  system believed that it was helping.
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  But you know, in all those times in the past where you really
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  enjoyed something, you weren't evaluating how good or bad you
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  were, that part of your brain was switched off and you just
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  enjoyed. And I want you to imagine that
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  part, a part within you, is now learning something new from you.
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  That's why I want you to think of a.
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  Very low stakes. Activity.
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  Something playful, pressure free, light and fun.
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  Maybe it's a moment where you were just knocking a ball back
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  and forth with a friend, just having a conversation, going for
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  a jog or a walk. No competition, no scoreboard,
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  no audience. Just movement, connection,
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  energy. And I want you to imagine you're
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  back in your body in that scenario, feeling loose,
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  responsive, engaged. Rewind it to before it even
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  started. Imagine someone smiling or
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  saying or messaging. Should we play later and just
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  connect with that feeling of 0 pressure?
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  Just possibility? And what if that is the new
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  template? But when you hear words.
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  Like maybe later, how about tonight?
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  A certain tone of voice or a certain touch.
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  Your brain now links it to not pressure, but play, not
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  performance, not obligation play.
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  And you know how to play. And you know from your childhood
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  that play equals fun, not pressure.
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  And when it has that meaning, that connotation, you get a
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  sense that you can build a new way of thinking.
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  Because anxiety does not appear instantly.
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  It builds. I care.
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  Slowly filling a balloon and you now know that you can interrupt
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  the inflation before it ever gets to A6.
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  Slow down time. So even if it's A1, imagine
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  smiling. It's just energy, and energy can
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  mean excitement. Part of you remembers how
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  anxiety and excitement feel very similar in the body.
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  The only difference is meaning. Excitement is an evaluation that
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  something positive, fun, pleasurable will happen in the
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  future. Anxiety.
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  Anxiety thinks that something will go wrong in the future, and
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  when the only difference is meaning, you get to decide what
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  that meaning is. I want you to get a sense that
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  if the connotation of something being instigated, initiated, it
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  means that you get to have fun, to play, to experience joy and
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  pleasure and connection with no judgement, no pressure.
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  Isn't that something that will naturally open the door to
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  positive evaluations and excitement?
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  That's it. Connect with that feeling of
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  excitement, and I want you to imagine you're observing
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  something, perhaps in your own home.
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  Observe your partner making a comment about what you may do
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  together later, and for a moment just observe version of you that
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  nearly runs the old pattern, but instead see yourself pausing and
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  genuinely smiling in a calm, somewhat detached way.
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  That version of you is running a new pattern, a pattern of play.
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  I want you to see a version of you.
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  That looks. Pressure free, no expectations,
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  no judgement, no high stakes. I want you to imagine a version
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  of you that can't lose. Whatever happens, life is
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  enriched, enhanced. It's all just fun.
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  See that version of you that is excited, calm, relaxed, and most
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  of all playful? A light smile, eye contact,
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  relax, body language. See that version of you looking
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  grounded? See that version of you looking
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  capable with choices, options, and then rewind that.
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  And then imagine stepping into that version of you.
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  Your partner is about to initiate sex, either for now or
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  for later, and that version of you feels that it is a
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  wonderful, positive opportunity for you to connect.
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  Intimacy is not a test, not an exam and not an evaluation.
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  Just two adults exploring connection.
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  Low stakes, optional, collaborative.
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  And this is just rehearsal, just your imagination, and you can
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  feel something different, feel anticipation, curiosity,
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  excitement. Rewind that and then imagine
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  that it is now you initiating. Not as a big declaration, not as
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  a dramatic build up, but lightly, playfully.
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  I want you to get a sense of how calm you feel.
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  No urgency, immune from rejection.
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  If the response is positive, good.
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  And if it's not right now, So what?
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  It's just an invitation. If the invitation is accepted,
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  great, and if not, equally fine. This is not a vote on your
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  worth, because your worth does not change.
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  Your value does not change. No rejection and no pressure,
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  just timing. Feel immune to pressure and
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  notice how powerful this feels. To initiate from strength,
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  spontaneity, a desire to give, not take from curiosity.
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  That's it. No pressure at all.
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  And then imagine observing that version of you like you're in
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  the room now or later, and just see how you initiate, see your
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  posture, see those relaxed shoulders, easy breathing, how
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  comfortable you look in your own skin.
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  You look at. Ease rewind it.
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  Step into that version of you. Take that.
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  First person perspective, and then feel what it feels like to
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  be that relaxed, that steady, that quietly confident.
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  Because all along the issue was never the issue.
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  The issue was that you were judging yourself harshly and it
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  created a false connection that sex means pressure.
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  And it never did to allow that nervous system to calm down.
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  Sex now means connection, play, fun.
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  Your thoughts are simple, your body is responsive rather than
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  tense. And I want you to imagine
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  switching from being in that version of you to observing that
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  version of you and thinking of all the different environments
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  that. You could either.
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  Respond to initiation or initiate.
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  Imagine hearing the phrases that once triggered anxiety, but now
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  hear them through a different lens.
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  Feel that when you hear the same words, they're now linked to
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  playfulness, blightness, a low stakes shot to nothing.
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  Then imagine the look, the touch, the suggestion, and each
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  time you are connecting it with a feeling of fun play.
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  Something you get to do, never have to do, because the meaning
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  has now changed. It no longer means pressure, it
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  means playful possibilities. And I think you're just two or
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  three real life experiences away where intimacy is relaxed,
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  playful, pressure free, and then the brain locks in this new
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  pattern. And you don't need those two or
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  three experiences straight away. Just know that when you have
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  those two or three experiences, thinking, genuine playfulness,
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  passion, excitement and fun, the absence of anxiety or pressure,
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  then the old pathway weakens and the new one strengthens.
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  Because neurons that fire together wire together and you
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  are firing. Calm with intimacy, feel safe
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  yet excited, connecting confidence with connection.
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  From now on you will feel that. Intimacy is.
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  Play, not performance. You're allowed to be relaxed.
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  You're allowed to be curious. You're allowed to enjoy
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  anticipation. You have nothing to prove,
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  especially to yourself. You choose connection that comes
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  from that confidence. And maybe you decide that when
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  you initiate, you will initiate things that don't require you to
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  have sex. Maybe you initiate foreplay.
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  Maybe you initiate just touch connection.
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  Maybe your focus is on your partner's pleasure, not your
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  performance. And in doing so, you smile.
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  Because this is a game, you cannot lose that.
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  Is playful possibility. That is vitality.
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  And before we leave this place in your imagination, imagine.
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  Imagine it's a week or two weeks from now.
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  Imagine that version of you calmly, confidently initiating
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  something, embodying the core energy of playful possibility,
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  and see that future version of you not needing alcohol or
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  anything else. That version of you needs
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  nothing other than yourself. That version of you prioritises
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  play over pressure, choice over obligation, excitement over
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  fear. Tilt that version of you.
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  One day soon we'll start to forget what it was even like to
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  feel that much pressure doing something entirely natural that
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  your body already knows how to do.
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  So as you leave that place, take those changes with you.
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  That's it. Breathe in through your nose and
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  out through your nose. Just wiggle your fingers, wiggle
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  your toes, connect and calibrate into the here and the now as I
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  now count from 1:00 to 10:00 to awaken you starting to count 123
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  waking up 456 more alert 7-8 open your eyes.
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  Open your eyes 910 Wide awake, Wide awake.
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  Wide awake. Thank you so much for joining me
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  on today's episode. Of the.
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  Hypnotist If you've enjoyed this episode or got some value from
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  it, please give it a five star rating.
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  the benefit too. And if you would like to listen
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  to this episode where it's just the hypnosis, so no intro, no
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  outro, no explanation, just the hypnosis and completely.
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  description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
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  regular listener of the. Hypnotist and.
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  I'll see you again soon. For more.