Latest / You Minding Your Own Business / Episode 62- My Pre-Conversation with Moe Choice About How to Hit Rock Bottom and they Rise Above It.

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Episode 62- My Pre-Conversation with Moe Choice About How to Hit Rock Bottom and they Rise Above It. · You Minding Your Own Business

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, miss the mote, Tell me about you, Tell me
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: about your journey, tell me about how you got to
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: where you are, and just whatever issues.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Tell me.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: How long?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: How long do we have as much time as you
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: would like.
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: So I think, like i've I've looked at your what
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: you what you do, the work that you do, and
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: so I think I'll frame it that way.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Really, I didn't.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Know what I was doing for thirty seven years, and
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: I had some success and not much happiness, and then.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: I fell into serious depression.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: Decided to leave everything I built behind and start literally
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: from scratch. The only help I had was mom and
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: Dad because they let me move back in with them
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: when I was thirty seven.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: If they didn't, I didn't know. I don't know what
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: I would have done, to be honest.
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: So so that was that. That's the death and rebirth
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: I suppose element of my story. And then it took
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: me five years to develop the skills or to be
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: on the way to developing the skills that I've got now.
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: And then I lost everything in lockdown again because I
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: was focused on the hospitality sector and all my investments
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: in my contracts went down the drain. I had a
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: big contract in China, eighteen month contract that was starting
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: in April of twenty twenty, and that got canceled, and.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: So I was like, Okay, what do I do now?
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: And I started the online world, and so I started
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: to navigate building a personal brand online. I thought that
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: that might be more bulletproof anything else I can do.
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: And so I then had to go through this whole
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: thing about putting myself out there in the judgment of.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Others, and uh, you need you need to take care
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: of something.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: No, go ahead, keep going.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: And that's it. I rebuilt again online and here we
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: are today.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Got you.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I get it because I know how it feels to
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: lose everything. I lost my job January ninth, and I
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: had it was like the worst thing in the world,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: having the rub pulled from up under you, and then trying.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: To work and stuff.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: It just was a lot.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: And then trying to bounce your way back from that.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Trust me, I understand. And it's like the world that
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: we're in is like work, work, work, work, work. You know,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: you're a kid, they tell you to go to work,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: you go to twelve years of school. They have nothing
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: to do with what you're gonna do when you grow up,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: you go to college, then they're telling you, oh, we're
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: gonna start you as an intern.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Oh we can't pay you this much because you don't
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: have any experience. And then you have.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: People to have dreams, and then you have parents that
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: you know make the dream more about them than about
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: the actual person.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: And then it makes it seem like you're a failure
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: because you fake because.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: You hit rock bottom, not understanding that sometimes those rock bottoms,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: or because we weren't taught how to maintain it. We
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: were taught how to obtain things, but not to maintain things,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: if that makes sense.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I was lucky that my parents kind of let
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: me do what I want. They never tried to impose
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: anything on me. So I was lucky from that perspective,
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: But in some sense, I resented a little bit because
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: on the flip side, I could have I could have
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: learned the lessons that I learned, maybe quicker had I been,
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: because I still ended up doing what I don't didn't
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: want to do, even though my parents never influenced me
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: to do something that they thought was right. So it's
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: funny that either way, I would have ended up doing something.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to do.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: And so but at least I did it my way,
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: and so I don't I can't blame anyone for.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Anything, but I did.
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: I did resent my parents at some stage because I thought,
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: why didn't you Why weren't you tougher with me? And
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: why weren't you more disciplined with me? Because I didn't
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: have discipline, And so I did resent them for it.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: But the end of the day, they they raised me
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: the way they wanted to, and there's a lot of
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: benefits to that. And I don't think there's a perfect
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: scenario anyway. If there was a perfect scenario, all the
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: parents would follow it and everyone would be happy, But
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: there isn't, So I'm okay with that.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: So where are you at right now as far as things.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Now physically or you mean in terms of my life.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: Just your life, your business?
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Because you hit rock bottom twice and now are you
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: at a place where you feel stable?
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Do you feel and peaced to where you're like?
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, Now it's not just about okay, I got this now,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I had the tools to be able to maintain it.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: I have a tool to be able to.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, have them. Yeah.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: So when I rebuilt, When I rebuilt the first time,
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: I mean, I had no idea, Like it was the
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: scariest thing I'd ever done, because typically speaking, I'd imagine
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: people in my situation might have just stayed and put
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: up with the life that they wanted to live. But
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: I didn't, and I battled depression on my own, like
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: I didn't even know I was depressed. I couldn't get
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: out of bed, couldn't face the world, didn't want to
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: do anything consider jumping off the balcony. And that was
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: three months four months of that. And so I worked
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: my way out of that on my own without any help.
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: And I don't think we should have to do that,
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: to be honest, I think we should be able to
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: get help.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: And so.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: That was the first thing I started to do was
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: understand personal development, emotional management. Why do we think this
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: way psychological? Psychologically? What are our how do we get traumatized?
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: Where does that start? How do we deal with it?
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: How do we know we've got it? So I got
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: super interested in that, and then I got to a
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: stage where not only did I rebuild my life for
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: that first five years so I knew I could do it,
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: but I also understood myself way more than I ever
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: had done, and I understood others, and I understood how
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: the world works, and I understood how to manage my
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: expectations properly and how to take full responsibility.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: And so when I lost everything.
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: The second time, I didn't feel any You know, there
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: was a bit of anxiety because it was lockdown and
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: we didn't know what was happening and are we all
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: going to die?
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: And what is this flu? And what does it mean?
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: And how long are we?
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: So there was that, but there was never any anxiety
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: in can I figure out how to rebuild my life?
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: Because I'd already done it, and also I had way
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: more stability emotionally and psychologically than I ever done.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I was very grounded.
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: So I think where I am now is I'm at
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: peace knowing that I can figure it out. I think
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: that's that's where I am. So it doesn't really matter
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: what happens. If it's out of my control, it's out
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: of my control, but I believe I can figure it out.
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: The only thing that will stop me is my health,
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: and I try to maintain my health as much as possible,
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: but that's my my feeling is Apart from my health,
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: I don't have any other problems and so as long
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: as I maintain my health, I can work out any
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: solution to any of my any any problem that I
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: come across.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that because it's true.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: You're right, And that's why I tell people, you get
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to a place where it isn't about everybody else's expectations,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: It isn't about society standards. It's now I'm at peace
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: with everything. I'm not bothering when somebody says something negative,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not bothered. If you try to expose me and
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: try to get people to walk away, I tell people
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: negative is just you're just removing things out of my
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: life that don't belong or I'm being tested. And if
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: people are stupid enough to believe somebody that doesn't really
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: know your story, that doesn't take the time to come
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: to you and say, well, why did you do this
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: or what is your side of the story, then you're
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: not the person that I need to be dealing with.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: It's just like people think you have one hundred and
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: twenty million followers, right, and then all of a sudden
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: you may only have I have sixty five thousand of
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: those one hundred and twenty five million people buying your products.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Is that really a success or Is that really a failure?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Are those people really there because they truly support you?
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Are they just there because they just want to be
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: a part of something and because they're nosy. You got
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: people that only have five or six hundred followers, but
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: those five and six hundred followers actually buy their products
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: and they're now a multi millionaire off those five and
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: six hundred people.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: I think I think it's you're talking about impact. Really,
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: it's like, what's the impact of you, of your brand,
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: of your being, of your presence? And impact is if
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: you're so influences, it may be a better way of
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: thinking about this than impact. What's my influence and influences?
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: I get people to do what I want them to do, right,
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: I'm influencing people to take action in the way that
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: I want them to take action. Of course it can
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: be manipulation, but at the purest level, you're influencing people
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: to act by your product or you know, like your
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: content or recommend you.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: And there's a lot of people with attention but no influence.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: They get the attention, but they can't move that attention
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: to take action in the way they want to. And
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: so is that really influence or power. No, of course not.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: But if you can influence the five hundred people that
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: have your attention, then that's complete power or complete influence
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: over that five hundred. And I think I think, I
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: think it depends on who you're influencing too. Like people
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: talk about Cauls having a conversation yesterday with a person
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: about a cult.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: You know, how these cult.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: Leaders get people to do crazy things, And I'm like, yeah,
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: but who are those people?
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: Forget about the cult leader. Who are the people that
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: have decided to follow that. I'm more interested in why
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: they're following the cult leader, because I like anyone.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I don't follow anyone, whether they're a cult
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: leader or a really amazing person. I do my own thing,
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: and I live my own life, and I do it
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: on my own terms. I don't care about what anyone
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: else is saying. I leave my own life, and so
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: it's follower versus leader. I think that's an important thing
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: to think about too. Everyone's a leader. If you're creating
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: your own life, you're leading your own you're literally leading
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: your own life. And most people, as far as I
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: can tell, are not leaders.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: No, I agree, And that's the one thing when I
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: went after a sex called on social media.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: That's the one thing I said to myself too.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: When I was introduced to this man through my ex,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I said, why are you following this man?
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Because it's out there nature? Just it is he out
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: there in nature?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Or is he scam scamming and cunning people and the
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: things that he had these people doing. I'm just like,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: this needs to be studied because you know that acceptance thing,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: wanting to be loved, delight, to appreciate it, value you'd
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: want it needed to be a part of something, to
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: be validated, to be accepted, for someone to know you're
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: worth improving something to people, I think is way more
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: of an addiction than drugs itself. And people said, why
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: do you say that? Because of what you're willing to
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: do to get it? And I always call it the
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: James Scott Faren and everybody lasts when I say that.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: They said, what is a James Scott Farren syndrome? I said,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: have you ever heard the commercial? And they said, yeah,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: James god Farrin. I want what I want and I
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: want it now. I don't care who I hurt, I
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: don't care who I destroy.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: I want what I want, and I want it now,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: And I said, it's what you're willing to do for
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: those things that makes it addictions. And when I came
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: to my realization, I said, do our I really won't
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: love to where I go against my morals, values and
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: principles and ethics. Do I won't love that bad to
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: where I'm literally destroying my health and wellness, my safety net.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Because I hear all the time you have to lower
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: yourself in order to be in relationships. You got to
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: go through hoops and bounds, the proofs on the paper.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: And I'm sitting here like, why do I need to
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: do that? Because Okay, yes, I could date somebody because
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: they're attractive, But what about their character?
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: What about their morals? What about their childhood? What about
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: their trauma? What about their experiences?
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I would think that would be who I'm dating because
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: all that's a part of that person, The abuse that
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: they went through, you know, the childhood with their parents,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: if their mommy, daddy, you know, as far.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: As you know, mama's boys, daddy's girls. Those things matter.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: So now I look at personality.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know the way they grew up the worlds,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: you know, the way they grew up.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: The way they think their character, yeah, right.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: The way they think, I said, the way they think
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: is who you're dating. You're not dating this, You're you're
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: dating the internal of that person, and the internal. You
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: can't see the internal. You only see the body. You
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: see the house, you see the money, you see all that,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: but you don't see the person internally. And I think
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: the reason a lot of relationships don't work is because
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: one person is supposed to lower, one person is supposed
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: to be risen when we're supposed to be evenly yoked.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: That's just my thoughts on it.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I love that, I think, I mean you you you
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: you're talking about self.
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: Love right in your in your the way you present things,
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: self respect and self love.
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: I always looked at it as as.
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: I'm loving myself through the other, yeah, rather than loving them.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: And if I'm loving myself through another, they have to
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: show me fully who they are, Otherwise I can't. Otherwise
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: I can't, I can't use them as a con do
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: it to love myself.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: Right. It's like they're the mirror.
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: That's how I always understood it, Yeah, And that that
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: means my dependency on them is to be their their
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: true selves, not to do anything for me. Just be yourself,
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: show yourself, be open, uh, you know, show me everything
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: about you, be vulnerable, and then I then I can
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: figure out how to love myself. And if I can
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: love myself and you can love yourself, then we can
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: connect at that level you're talking about, rather than someone's
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: up here and someone's down here. Exactly, yes, and that
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: makes that was why I was super interested in when
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: I read about how you're you know, even even the
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: way you frame it, just self respect and self love
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: as the foundation. Just the framing of it was like, Okay,
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: that's super interesting because that's in our control to try
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: to love ourselves and to find that person who's willing
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: to let us do it through them. And the difficulty
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: is finding that person, is finding that person and.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: Then being open to it. That's the difficulty.
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: Unfortunately, again, we haven't figured that out, have we ashot,
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: because otherwise we would have all been we'd all do it.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: We haven't figured no, No, it is. It's funny how
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I created the podcast.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: When I went to that situation, like you said, it
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: was like a mirror when I was hearing these people
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: tell my story what they thought was my story to
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: their perspective, their perception. I can't use a perspective their
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: perception of it.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: I'm just sitting here like.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Hmm, and then talking to my eggs, talking to both
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: my exes and hearing what they had to say. I'm
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: just thinking to myself, a waste the time with people
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: that weren't even worth me.
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Now I'm seeing these people for who they are, and
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: what they didn't understand was you weren't exposing me. You
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: were exposing the people that were in my life that
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I finally get to see them.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: For what they truly are, how they truly see me.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: And so I say, when people expose you, they're not
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: exposing you. They're exposing the situation itself. And you're looking
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: at the things that you've done and what you need
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: to take accountability for and what you need to make
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: amends for and what you need to forgive people for.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: But then also it's a way of saying, well, now.
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: That I see it, the full picture of it all,
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: because this person exposed it and these people talked about it,
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: now I can close it and now walk.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Away from it.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: So I don't look at exposure as it being I
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: look at it as a way of telling your story.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: But you're the one that actually needs to look at
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: it and say, wow, that's what I did.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Wow, y'all give me way too much credit.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I didn't realize that I had this much
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: power of people. I didn't realize that I did all
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: of this. I didn't realize that let this person manipulate me. Oh,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: now I can close the chapter. I tell people, because
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: some people want to go talk to their exes, they
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: want to talk to their parents, and they want to
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: talk about everything their parents done. They want their parents
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: to apologize. I said, you're not going to get that.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: I said, the best thing for you to do is
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: sit down and write a book and just put the
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: book out.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Just don't put no names in it.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: Write the book, don't even put the book out.
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: You can even write the book without putting the name,
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: without putting the book out if you wanted to, and
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: you just let.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Them and then just let them read it, because the
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: thing about it is some people will go to the grave.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Oh, I see, you're saying that you want the people
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: to read.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: It to help someone else by seeing them do their
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: own story actors. So just don't put and don't put
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: that it ended badly. Just put it in a way
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: to where your closure of it not about them, but
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: about your closure of it, your forgiveness of it, that
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: you've forgiven these people and that these people can be
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: better people, and how they can be better people, and
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: how you hope by putting this book out that the
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: people that read it that are the ones that are
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: in the story that you're not putting out there about
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: the story, because their names are not in it, they're
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: able to read it and say, you know what, I
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: didn't realize it. Because it's a difference between writing something
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: and saying it. Because when you say to people you love,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: you're not going to say it in the way you
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: really want to say it. You're not going to express
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: the anger that you because you're going to be more emotional.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Whereas a book you can be more logical and say
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: not only from emotional perspective, but logically you can put
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: lessons in there for other people. So you're taking your
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: experience and you're helping other people because that's the way
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: we're supposed to do. That's how we as human beings
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: are supposed to be. We're supposed to take our experiences
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: and we're supposed to help others through our own experiences.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: So no, you're not going to get that apology. No
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: you're not going to get that father daughter or mother daughter,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: whatever relationship you may or may not get. It's like
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: your job. Your job's not gonna apologize for firing you.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: They're not going to make amends for it. Why they'll
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: put somebody else in that position. So the only thing
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: you can do is just say, you know what, I
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: may not get the apology that I want, but I
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: still can forgive you for what you've done because I'm
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: not doing it for you, I'm doing it for me.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: So just forget without even having a conversation. Because the
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: person did what they did because that's what they wanted
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: to do, regardless of the reason they chose to do it. Now,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: if you want to get a more understanding of why
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: they did it based on childhood, based on how they
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: grew up, then that is one thing. But as far
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: as how they treated you, they did it because they could.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: The opportunity was there, and no one was there to
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: stop them from doing it, and you allowed it.
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: That's just it very profound. I have a caol. In
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: five minutes, I shall.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we can definitely end it here and we can
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: definitely I'll email you as far as doing the second
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: part of it if you like, and then we that
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: we could do it for about an hour to an
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: hour and a half if your.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: Time, and that would be great. Yeah, that'll be great.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: It was lovely to me. I'm so sorry to hear
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: about your father.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I appreciate it.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: I hope you get what you need from that, and
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to the next one.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Thank you, I appreciate it. Sug me and you.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: OK.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Bye, Well, y'all.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: That is the pre conversation that I had, and we
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: will be doing a post conversation after the fact of this.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: So even though you may hear certain things, but like
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I said, I want my audience to hear how these
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: pre conversations go. I want y'all understand why the importance
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: of having pre conversations before you have the post conversation, because.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: It's not scripted.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: It's just a conversation, whereas the podcast just goes from
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: we're left off. Because if you don't know how to
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: go about the conversation, then it doesn't seem authentic, it
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: does not seem real, and you want when you do
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: your conversations as podcasters or even as interviewers that you've
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: met the person, you had a conversation with the person
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: and y'all were able to communicate, so you know how
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: your communication skills are and you know what the topic's
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: going to be, and that way, the next conversation goes
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: a little more fluid, it goes more flowy. And y'all
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: have seen that through all of my podcasts. You have
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: seen how the very beginning of the podcast is where
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: the pre conversations go and then the post conversations go.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: And that's just how it works for me. It just
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: makes it easier.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: So with that being said, I will see you guys
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: with the post interview and until next time.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: I'll talk to Y'allater.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Oops, I forgot the hold on one second, I'm trying
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: to turn off this thing.