Latest / Sip Happens / Parenting & School Systems- S2 Episode 3

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Parenting & School Systems- S2 Episode 3 · Sip Happens

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I'm Alexandra. I am Lynn.
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I'm Rose and this is Sid Happens.
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We wanted to just give you a heads up.
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This podcast is all for fun and entertainment.
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We are sharing our own thoughts and stories, not professional
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advice. So relax, enjoy and don't take
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us too seriously. Let's get this started.
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Welcome. To.
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Sid happens. What's in your cup today?
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I have. Some protein shake because this
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is my dinner tonight. Wow, what about you in?
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It is sparkling water with a splash of black torn juice.
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What is current? Current yes.
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So Kevin got an actual my husband because we've been going
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to this, the local brew that's just 5 minutes down the road.
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Shout out to the local brew local.
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Brew, they do have a stat. It's like a Guinness Gotcha.
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And after I worked in an Irish pub for almost 10 years, some
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Irish people drink their stouts, their Guinness with black crime
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juice. Kevin remembered that and he's
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like, well, I'll buy some black crime juice from the UK.
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Wow. You have to.
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Use it 31 I think 31 days after you open it.
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We don't drink that much to use it all up, so I was like, let's
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have some sparkling water and make a little, you know, spritz.
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With it, you're always spicing things up.
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I love this. Always.
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Of course you are. Well, I'm just having some
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sparkling rose. I did not put current in it, but
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you know, just from the bottle. It looks pretty.
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It's Rose, but you, you know, just the juice.
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Well, ladies, today is not about having all the answers.
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It's about asking better questions, especially in regards
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to the school system. So as we're trying to talk or
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maybe for conversation wise, trying to gauge how I want to
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approach this. What's 1 school rule from your
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childhood that still makes no sense to you?
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Am I? The only one that's thinking
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asking permission to go to the bathroom.
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But if you think about it, there's so many kids, everybody
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wants to go to the bathroom at the same time.
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There has to be some kind of. System.
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But this stage in my life I cannot.
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Wait, can I wait to be excused? I gotta go I.
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Gotta go though. No, I don't know.
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I have to think about that. See, I think for me, oh, I hated
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it was uniform, school uniform. It makes no sense.
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Why do we have to wearing? There's rules and it's to be the
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skirt can be short and blah blah blah.
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But now that I have kids, as I'm folding those beautiful little
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laundries and storing them away, I'm like, oh, it would be so
2:42
nice if they just had uniforms. Oh yeah.
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I hated it when I moved, right? So I moved to Puerto Rico when I
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was 12. So I went to grade school here
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in Chicago. But then in Puerto Rico,
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everyone had uniform and I hate it, right, Because you lose your
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expression. Why self-expression?
3:00
Right. But then in high school.
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In hindsight now, I loved it because I didn't have to think
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about what I was wearing every morning.
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Exactly like my girls went to both to schools where they had
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to wear school uniforms and I don't.
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I always loved it because I don't have to worry about what
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they were. I don't have to have the fights.
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I don't know how it is with boys because I have 2 girls, but
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yeah, it had to be a specific spur with a specific.
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Shirt and a. Specific hairdo, a specific
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socks, and of course they were not matching it off.
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But you know, once they started the school system, when they had
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the uniforms, it's like, no, there's no discussion.
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The school doesn't allow purple socks with dinosaurs on.
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It has to be white or black, clearly.
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Barney is not, is not going to make it.
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But that's what I'm saying. Now that I have kids, as I'm
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thinking about that I'm looking not dress the closet alone.
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I'm like why would be nice to just an all white shirts and
4:00
pants and like my little 1 Oliver case in point.
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Now he's very his personality is coming out.
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So usually I. Grab a pair of.
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Socks that fits him and we're ready to go.
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Well, this morning he decided he wanted to wear his brother's
4:16
socks. So the perfect Mama that I am, I
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sure entertained it. I put it on him and I put his
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shoes on and I'm like, nobody's going to know.
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But if it was a school uniform, it had to be white or black or
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Gray. Whatever the case, I wouldn't
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have to worry about it. So that would be my one girl.
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That's still, as you can tell, still holds very dear to my
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heart. What about you, Lynn?
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Anything comes to mind? No, not really.
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We didn't like German school. Was pretty laid back, was not a
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big deal when I had to go to the bathroom, just raised my hand.
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He followed the road. I could wear whatever I wanted
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to. Yeah, there is no like I know
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when you go to school here, no spaghetti straps, no athletic
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pants or, you know, leggings or anything like that.
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And if you wear something tighter shorts or anything, it
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has to cover your bottom. It's like that Germany or
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whatever you want. So, you know, of course you
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can't have anything hanging out but.
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Soon need to be covered and these have like.
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In school you can't have your hair tower.
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Must be a natural hair color. Germany, nobody cares.
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Purple hair, green hair, blue hair, you can go wherever you
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want. You can have a nose piercing at
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8 years old. What is going to say anything?
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So I guess, you know, coming from, you know, Europe coming to
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the United States, kind of had to adjust that it's a little bit
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more conservative to you even if you are not in a sphere where
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you have to wear uniforms. Well, as we have toddlers, Rosie
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and I, and they're both in daycare, maybe this is a Florida
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thing, right? Something that I've been having
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to deal with is this whole VPK thing.
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First of all, that's a term I did not.
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I was not aware of it until now that I have kids and because
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Omar is born in November, that's a whole other math that I have
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to do with preschool and kindergarten.
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And make sure you apply to because they only cover 3 hours
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because then now I'm stuck on that.
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OK, what happened to the rest of the day?
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Because clearly he's going for full time, whatever that means.
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So I think for me right now, I'm stuck in that situation.
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Did I miss the mark? How do you proceed?
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Because there's really no guidance and I go on this on
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this beautiful portal and I'm just lost.
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I feel lost. So I guess to bring it back as
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we're preparing our kids for the systems even before I myself
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understand it. Maybe that's a question for you,
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Lynn. How did you address this?
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Because your kids are now in school and, you know, you have
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teenagers. So maybe you can answer some of
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those questions that I have. Is this a Florida thing?
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Can I just blame Florida? It's just winging it.
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That's what I was doing, girl. I come from a totally different
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school system. I was moving from one state to
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another state. Everything is to just swinging
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it and guess what? It all works out.
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It all works, so don't stress over it.
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We're not the only person who's alone and we're all stressing
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over things like that. But at the end of the day,
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figure it out. I have a lot of faith in you if
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somebody who comes from a different country can figure it
7:23
out in every state and doesn't miss the mark of getting their
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kids to. School.
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You know are very. Capable of doing that.
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But see, this is where my mind goes because I'm like, well, you
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also of a military family. Yeah, so do you.
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Is there AI? Don't want to say a rating
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system, but do you get priority? Sometimes you do depending what
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school you go to. We applied the kids to a charter
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school when we came to. Florida.
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That's a term I did not even know existed.
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I didn't know that either. It's a part of the public school
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in Florida, but they wear uniforms.
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Yes, so it is. It is like a hybrid of public
8:00
school in the private school. And it also has deadlines,
8:04
right? It just had deadlines as well.
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Yes. But yeah, as a military family,
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you do have the fur to get moved to the front of the line, which
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still doesn't guarantee you a spot, but it helps.
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And The thing is, there's so many people doing applications
8:22
in all kinds of different schools, even if you are not at
8:27
the front of the line, because they get their approval, they'll
8:31
start dropping off schools and don't give up.
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Just put your name on the line. Even if they say, oh, they're
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like 160 people in front of you before you know, if you're in
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place #3 because everybody else just jumps out because they got
8:45
their choice. Number one, she or they have to
8:48
move or they do anything just yeah, it will work out.
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I'm glad you said that because one of the feedback I've
8:54
received is the point of you may have this school in mind, like
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where you want your kids to go to.
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Don't just apply to that one. School.
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Apply to a lot of them so that you have choices and that kind
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of gives me. Pause.
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Just. A little bit, just maybe for one
9:10
second because I'm still worried and asking all the questions of
9:13
like, because of course I want the best for my kids.
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You know, I, I want the best and I have some expectations when it
9:19
comes to finding like a good school for, for them.
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But yeah, I'm, I'm learning. I'm learning.
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Are you on the same boat, Rosie, or is this is this just all me
9:28
right now? You're typing, and I'm not.
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I forgot the type. I am, but I'm the one that waits
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until later. And then you brought it up and I
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was like, Oh yeah, I'm supposed to do that this year because
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Diego turns 4 in August. That's right, all I did was pull
9:44
up the website. The portal, that portal that I'm
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talking about. It is overwhelming.
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I clicked on a few things and then I start that.
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I did that twice until one of my mom friends, actually, she
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reminded me via text that, you know, don't forget to apply
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because we've talked about it and same thing.
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The first day I went and I'm like, that does not look legit.
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And I stepped out and I went again because of course it says
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enroll now and then it's like register, create an account.
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That's too many questions. But I finally did it.
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I finally did it and there's a waiting period.
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I'll tell you that much. But so now I have the
10:21
certificate right that says oh, he's been approved for VPK
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again, still learning then Now I'm sitting here like, OK now.
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What? I guess you apply to schools.
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Well, actually I told you I was looking into be Christian
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elementary school around here. And then it said like opening
10:41
for enrollment in January, but when you click on it, you can't
10:44
do anything. So I was thinking I was like,
10:47
well, I guess I got to call them.
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So it's not really even open for enrollment in the schools, but I
10:52
think that would be the next step.
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Yeah, I I'm winging it. You cannot learn from me.
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That's great because to your point, I did the same thing
11:01
today. Matter of fact, I clicked on the
11:03
website and it didn't go anywhere and I was like OK, so I
11:07
called and nobody picked up and they had all those prompt of
11:10
preschool press 3 and I was like OK, so which button is there?
11:14
Zero for operator. Then I looked at the time and I
11:18
was like, oh, maybe they have lunch.
11:20
So I was, I'm stressed, y'all, I'm stressed.
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They're not even prepared. But that's one thing that I did
11:26
when I moved here. I just showed up at the school
11:29
because I wanted, because I heard about the middle school
11:32
here that they had a really bad reputation and one of the things
11:37
that I did. Do is just?
11:39
Show up at the school and I said we are a military family, we
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just got here, so we moved in July.
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First day of school. Is August so we only had a few
11:51
weeks time but I showed up at the school I stayed in my case,
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I asked for help, they told me what to do.
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I was really nice about it and yeah, sometimes you just have to
12:03
be at the door and ask for guidance.
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I'm like take my hand and I don't know what to do and we're
12:08
starting swollen throwing. That's why I would expect you to
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have some sort of priority as military family.
12:14
But before I forget. I don't know if you went so much
12:17
into navigating the website, but I I've forgotten until what time
12:22
they give school, at least in that particular one that we're
12:25
looking at, I think it's until 4:00 and then the rest would be
12:29
$50.00 a month extra for an extra hour.
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So I thought that was, I thought that was reasonable.
12:37
Compared to what we're paying in daycare.
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Compared to what? We're yes in daycare.
12:40
So that was, I guess that would be my second thing because I
12:44
work from home and I'm very grateful.
12:46
But my kids are in daycare and now I'm talking VPK.
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So the schedule, look at the schedule and I'm thinking how we
12:53
are a two people household in terms of income.
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We both were right and I'm looking again at the schedule.
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It makes no sense. So of course, I would love to
13:03
hear your thoughts on that, Rosie.
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And then also your thoughts, Lynn, because I know you've
13:09
you've done both, you've worked and now you're stay at home.
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Mom, does it get easier? What have you learned?
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Rosie starts. I have a question before I
13:18
start. OK.
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Because you mentioned that and I'm like, is it the same in
13:22
Germany? Like why if not everyone, the
13:26
majority of people work in 8:00 to 5:00 or 9:00 to 6:00?
13:31
Why is school? 7:00 to 2:00 for example.
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I don't get that. So we learned really quick to be
13:40
self efficient even when you're in elementary.
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We walked home at 2:00, parents were still at work.
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We locked ourselves in, did our homework.
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We did tell mom and dad. Team Fashionable over here.
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I think that's illegal. I was like.
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Yeah, yeah, that is. But that was, and it's funny,
14:01
when we go to Germany, you see those first graders taking a
14:05
train to go to school and Kevin and I were looking at that.
14:09
I'm like, what's going on? Where's an adult?
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No, they, they learn how to be self-sufficient at a young age.
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So that's one thing. Pause here because as you're
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telling this beautiful story, my mind is going like, I feel like
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those are the stories I used to hear from my mom.
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Still happening. In Europe, Oh my goodness.
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Still happening in Europe? Wow, okay, America has changed a
14:31
lot for us. We definitely relied a lot on
14:35
after after school options. When I was working full time
14:39
they had the an option to enroll them in after school programs
14:45
that is within the facility or sometimes it was out in a in a
14:49
different institution like as a cause a boys and girls.
14:54
Club. Some daycare do offer that, I've
14:58
heard of that. Too.
14:59
And other is just like recreational centers, they start
15:02
even very young where they transport them to the facility
15:07
or it's on set. So I was relying on that a lot.
15:11
It was usually very affordable as well to work until you know,
15:17
my shift, but I had to hire at some point.
15:19
I had to hire a babysitter because sometimes I would work
15:23
until 7:00. On the medical field especially,
15:26
you have to charting and everything.
15:29
You can't leave when time is out.
15:32
It's like not 6:00 you run. Sometimes I sit there until
15:35
7730. So I hired a babysitter that
15:39
would check him out from the after school program and would
15:44
stay with them until I finish work.
15:46
And you have to coordinate that because daycare or after school
15:50
program 6:00 is usually. Right, so.
15:54
Again, yeah, it makes. It makes no sense, I totally
15:57
agree, but you make things work one way or another.
16:00
Again, out of stress because it's like a different layer.
16:03
So not only trying to get them to get into a school now trying
16:08
to accommodate their schedule, because at first I was like, oh,
16:12
that makes sense. That gives them time for
16:13
homework. I'm like, as soon as you
16:15
entertain them, what are they going to do while I'm at work?
16:19
So then you're spending money to for like a babysitter.
16:22
It's like, OK, is it worth it? No.
16:25
Right. Is it worth?
16:27
I'm working, we're both working. We have the kids in school
16:30
because education is key and maybe this is where the home
16:34
schooling people comes in and they're like, we figured it out.
16:37
I don't know, but it's just a lot.
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It's a lot. It's a lot.
16:41
And there are times where I did the math and it wasn't mouthing
16:45
and I decided to go stay home and coupon.
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And how feedback on that it's? You make it work at the end of
16:53
the day with after school care and daycare.
16:56
Think I brought home when I was watching living in Washington
16:59
state, I brought home $200 and I was that $200.
17:04
I can stay home, make adjustment in my budgeting and adeable to
17:08
my children and that's what I did.
17:11
These are the moments that makes me ponder a bit growing up,
17:17
growing up in Haiti or the things that didn't realize our
17:20
privilege. We were because my mom stayed
17:22
home. There were four of us and she
17:24
was very involved in the church and did all the things.
17:26
But my mom was a nurse and I remember bits of it because she
17:31
after having my brother, so my youngest and I were 10 years
17:34
apart. So after having my youngest, she
17:36
decided to go full time into the ministry and stayed home and
17:40
stuff, right? And I remember growing up and
17:43
watching Wow, my mom is to stay. I want mom and realized like all
17:46
the things that she did and I was very grateful.
17:48
Like my mom is always there, like extracurricular activities,
17:51
She was there, my brothers playing all kind of sports.
17:54
She was always there. She drove us everywhere.
17:57
And now as a mom, I'm thinking, Oh my gosh, that's exhausting.
18:00
How does she do it? And even though she had help,
18:03
because again, growing up in Haiti, we had help.
18:06
We had the maid, we had the driver, we had all of those
18:08
things. But I'm not that here.
18:10
It's. Me, I wear all the hats.
18:12
Well, I'm going to say my husband and I, we wear all the
18:15
hats. This is it.
18:16
So is America going to provide? Because right now I don't know.
18:21
I don't know what the future looks like.
18:22
I'm just taking it day by day off.
18:24
So yeah, that's that's like I said, I had a lot in my life.
18:28
It's been a day so. In my in my home, my mom also
18:33
stayed at home. My dad was the one that was
18:35
working. I don't know, I hadn't really
18:37
thought about it. It was nice to come home and we
18:40
had home cooked meal. White.
18:42
It felt so easy and effortless. I don't know exactly the
18:46
challenges that mom would have. Like, she wouldn't really talk
18:49
about it. It's just what they did, right?
18:51
I feel like you will look at my mom, my aunts, anybody, the
18:55
neighbors. And they're like, yeah, that's
18:56
what we do. We keep the house tidy.
18:59
We cook for our family. I never heard anyone complain.
19:03
I'm complaining all the time. We think it's a millennial
19:05
thing. But we are also mostly 2 working
19:09
adults. I feel like that became the norm
19:11
at some point. Yeah, I do see a lot of moms.
19:14
There's a lot of people homeschooling here in Florida.
19:17
I get a lot of them because of the same reason that Lin set.
19:20
It's like it wasn't worth it to go to a job when your take home
19:23
would be low and you're going through all these challenges.
19:26
But I do the math and. We don't have the.
19:29
Luxury right now to do that, so we'll see it when we're there.
19:33
Right in the thick of it. We'll figure it out.
19:34
Kind of like we're gonna have to figure it out, ready or not,
19:38
right? To tap into the whole Florida
19:41
home schooling thing. I feel like COVID changed a lot
19:44
because then people realized and learned a lot that you could
19:48
provide all that at home. Because I actually fell into
19:53
that whole trend of you can work from home and have your kids,
19:57
right? And then I was in meeting and my
20:00
baby needed me and I remember thinking like, I'm a mom first,
20:04
like I can't. So then I was like.
20:07
Mom guilt, you know, if that makes sense, mom guilt.
20:10
And I was frustrated because I couldn't be just focused at work
20:14
because my baby needed me. I can't just give him TV for
20:17
however long and figure it out. Like it just was a lot.
20:21
And I was very thankful at the time we had the help.
20:24
We had a nanny come in and that's another story for another
20:27
day before he started daycare. But to your point, we figured it
20:31
out because in my mind we were just going to have a nanny for
20:34
two years because I was determined my child will be able
20:37
to talk and tell me everything that goes in school.
20:40
But still it didn't work that way.
20:42
So I'm kind of preparing myself. I don't want to say for the
20:44
words for the. The challenges you mean that
20:47
will come along the way? Yes, but I don't know if there's
20:49
really a way to prepare for that because I know it's going to
20:52
come and somehow we'll figure it out, right?
20:55
I guess my question now is do you feel like the school system
20:58
works with parents or expects parents parents to fill in the
21:01
gaps? No, the school system does not
21:03
work with parents. They just expect us to adjust to
21:07
it because it just doesn't add up.
21:09
The time frame just doesn't add up.
21:11
The school hours don't add up with the regular working hours,
21:15
but not the regular the typical working hours in my.
21:17
I don't have an answer. Like I said at the beginning,
21:20
this is just a chat of us asking questions and you may or may not
21:24
have the answers so I don't know.
21:26
I'm just. And it's such an individual
21:28
family matter to you. Yeah.
21:31
Our schedule. Just imagine with somebody
21:34
words, night shifts, single households.
21:37
That is true. All the things, there's so many
21:40
aspects that play into it that makes so difficult adjusting to
21:46
those time frames. Yes, it definitely brings a lot
21:49
of challenges for a lot of families for all kinds of
21:52
different reasons. And we always kind of.
21:56
And work it out. Figure it out, right?
21:58
Work it out one way or another and we have to stretch a little
22:00
bit like a pretzel to make things work and some every days
22:05
work. Let's don't go to school because
22:08
or you know, oh. My God, you reminded me of
22:11
holidays. Yeah.
22:12
How many holidays are there that are not observed in the job?
22:17
That's true. So I don't think we can fully
22:19
prepare for the challenges. We can have some ideas, but
22:22
we're going to resolve for the challenge in the moment.
22:26
Because you don't. You won't have possible
22:28
solutions to a problem. You don't even know what it is.
22:31
It's OK to express that you have questions and that you're
22:36
frustrated and it's the part of being a mom trying to navigate.
22:40
So this is exactly what it looks like as we're learning along the
22:44
way. Yes, yes for you.
22:47
We're wrapping up with the same line of it's not about having
22:50
all the answers, it's about asking better questions.
22:53
And I think we just need to continue to ask questions.
22:55
It's new to us. It's this whole thing is new.
22:59
I thought I had more time to figure it out, right?
23:03
And I'm realizing, wow, my kids are growing up and I'm more
23:07
aware of like the school system. So it's definitely a learning
23:10
thing, but sometimes the questions kind of feel
23:14
unanswered because there's just too many varieties, if that
23:18
makes sense. It's a little overwhelming.
23:20
You know, I think that's, as Rosie, you said, Type A, and I
23:24
think that needs to be OK for now.
23:27
And it doesn't have to be permanent.
23:29
That's one thing that is we enroll our kids into a school
23:34
that is not fitting, it's not working with our schedule.
23:37
They can't accommodate if the school does not work out for
23:41
you. There's always a way to retract
23:45
from their current situation. You don't have to keep them in
23:49
that situation. Here here like.
23:52
It sounds like you're looking for the right answers, but when
23:55
we're making a decision, there is no right or wrong.
23:58
You make a decision, and after you make the decision is if you
24:02
know if you've taken the right path that works for you, as Lynn
24:06
is saying, or if you need to pivot because it's not exactly
24:08
what you want in. That's kind of where my mind is
24:11
going. But these all kids you know who
24:13
want all the best and doing all the research like I did it kind
24:17
of thing. It sounds like perfectionist
24:19
thinking, which OK struggle with as well.
24:23
We're going to make mistakes on the way.
24:24
That's what I'm saying. I think I need to accept that
24:27
mistakes will happen and this is a learning curve.
24:30
Right, let's call it Room for error.
24:33
Awesome. Room for error.
24:34
And sometimes the error was not because of you.
24:37
Sometimes it's something else. Not all the eggs are in your
24:41
basket. There's a lot of things that
24:43
play a role into the decision and into the environment.
24:47
You can think you've found the perfect spool, half the perfect
24:50
spot, and then they're in there and it's just not matching.
24:55
Now we want to hear from you. Please share any feedback and
24:58
favorite moments from this episode.
25:01
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25:11
there.