Latest / Recovery Chronicles / Recovery Chronicles Ep. 169 - Liz R.

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Recovery Chronicles Ep. 169 - Liz R. · Recovery Chronicles

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Recovery Chronicles, where we dive deep into
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: the inspiring journeys of individuals who have triumphed over adversity
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: and found folk healing and resilience on the path to
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: recovery from drunks and alcohol. We'll sit down with people
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: who have embrace changed and emerge stronger than ever. Get
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: ready to be uplifted, motivated, and empowered as we embark
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: on a journey of healing, growth, and possibilities. Welcome back
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: to the Recovery Chronicles today. I have Liz or Elizabeth,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure what you prefer, whichever one okay, here
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: to share her story of recovery with us. So thank
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you for joining us today, Thanks for having me. So
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: starting out, what is your drug of choice?
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Mess and alcohol?
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: And how long have you been sober?
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: For? Four years?
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Wow? That's awesome. So just kind of take us back
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: to the beginning. What did your uth look like when
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: you were younger? Where did it start?
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: All?
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Right? So it started really young with feeling at a
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: place and not comfortable in my own skin and just
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: trying to people please and be who you wanted me
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: to be. My first actual drink would have been when
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: I was ten years old and it was red dog
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: beer that my parents had. Sure, I started smoking weed
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: and drinking on a regular basis when I was twelve.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, and it was kind of some of that pure
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: influenced stuff or like your parents had it around. What
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: did that look like?
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: So after I had some of that beer, it made
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: me feel comfortable to be around other people and it
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: made me feel like my anxiety was gone and that
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I could just be me.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Sure, what do you think it was that made you
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: not feel comfortable?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not really sure. I want to say the people
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: pleasing was a big one for me, and just it
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: just really felt uncomfortable.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Okay. Where'd the people pleasing come from?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure?
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, Just you know, sometimes people are like my parents
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: were very particular about how things needed to be done,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: or you know, maybe angry when it wasn't done or
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: whatever that looks like. So sometimes I think some of that,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: like anxiousness and people pleasing comes from there.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: So there probably was.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: So I grew up in a pretty domestically abusive.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Household, Okay, sure, and that'll cause some anxiousness for sure.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, So you said fourteen you were drinking regularly
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: or twelve?
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: At twelve? Okay?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: How long did that continue?
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: I up until I was twenty five?
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, So like daily drinking or weekend drinking?
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: I don't, I wanna say it was pretty much daily.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I was under the influence of something daily.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Sure at five?
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: At twenty five, I had lost my kids for the
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: third time in the state stepped in okay, And at
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: that point I signed up for a sober living Okay.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: So going back a little bit more, how old were
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: you when you had your first child? Uh?
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: Nineteen?
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: So young?
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Did you use while you were pregnant?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: I was able to stop the harder drugs. I did
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: smoke weed when I was pregnant yep. Okay.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: What was the thinking on.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: That that it wouldn't harm the baby, that it was
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: just fine to use that?
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: And then I still feel comfortable?
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Sure, any complications due to that that you're aware of?
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: No?
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Okay? How about now do you notice any I don't okay?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, So with my son, I did. I found out
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: I was pregnant at about three months in and I
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: didn't want it to be and so I did continue
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: using for.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Another month and a half.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, and so with him he did have he had
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: jaundice when he was born. Okay, sure, which could have
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: been a side effective.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Then sure you talked about you said math is a
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: drug a choice too. How old are you and you
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: started using math? And what did that look like?
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I started using math probably around fourteen fifteen? Okay?
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Did that happened?
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: That was more the peer pressure. My friends were into it.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: I've always had a bit of body dysmorphia, and so
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: I knew how to lose that weight fast, and once
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  Speaker 2: I started, it just couldn't stop.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, what so the weight loss was an appeal? What
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: else was an appeal?
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  Speaker 2: Getting things done all the time and being able to
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: stay on top of things?
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when were you not able to be on top
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: of things anymore?
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: It hit pretty fast, probably within three or four years
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: of heavily using Sure.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: And what happened like, tell us what was like your
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: worst day using What happened that?
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I've had quite a few, And so I would say
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: losing my kids the first three times? You know, it
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: happened three times? It happened three times?
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, So tell us about Okay, circling back a little bit,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: You're nineteen when you have your daughter. You were smoking weed,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: but you quit other substances. How old you when you
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: had your son?
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: Twenty one?
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, so two years later, same dad, are different.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Same dad?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Okay? Were you together the whole time?
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: No?
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Okay? Maybe why you were kind of like I'm in
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: denial that I'm pregnant yep. Okay. And you did you
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: drink and use meth when you were pregnant with him?
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: No, I just use myth Okay.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: When was the first time they got removed from your care?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: The first time they got removed was in twenty seventeen.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, So how old were you at that point? So
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: that's seven years ago?
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Thirty one?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: So, uh, twenty four, yeah, okay, sounds about right.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Twenty three, twenty four therapy.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: People are not good at math. That's not what we
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: went to school for. Okay, twenty four. What happened?
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I was in such a bad mess psychosis that people
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: were out to get me. I had broken all my phones.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I was actually physically hurting myself at this point.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: I was, you know, neglecting my kids.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: And driving down back roads downd like one hundred miles
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: an hour and just recklessly with your kids.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: In the car.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, okay, and so my family committed me.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Sure, So how long were your kids because you said
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: they got removed time, So how long were they not
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: in your care that time?
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: It probably was around fourteen months? Okay?
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: And how do you get them back?
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: I kind of checked boxes. That was my first longer
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: bit of sobriety. I was able to stay sober for
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: about eleven months. Okay, I should say clean because I
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: was drinking the whole time. But then I went to
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: treatments and that was kind of my first as an
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: adult round with treatments. Okay, And I got them back
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: my parents had them. Sure.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: So was it your parents decision or like CPS's decision
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: that you could have them back. CPS's okay, because yeah,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: sometimes that's really difficult for people. So it's impressive that
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: you got them back in fourteen months. Okay. So then
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: you get your kids back, how long until you start
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: using again?
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: I got them back maybe a month and a half,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: and I started like, I've been sober for this long,
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I can do it, and so I would try, and
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: then it, you know, went downhill pretty fast from there.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Sure, was that your first methan new psychosis?
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, what do you how did how did that happen?
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Or why do you think that happened?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, my mental health was deteriorated. I wasn't sleeping,
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I wasn't eating sure, and I feel like that's what
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: made me feel like everybody was out to get me
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: from the start.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, just some like paranoia. Yea, when they got
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: removed the second time, would happened? How much longer after
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: you got them back where they have removed again?
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: How much longer? Yeah? So the second time they were
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: removed for four months? Okay?
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: And how long after you had them back where they removed?
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  Speaker 2: Probably eight months? Okay, it wasn't very long.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, so it went a little faster. Tell us what
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: that was like or why were they removed? What happened?
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I wasn't keeping up with the treatments or keeping up
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: with what CPS had the guidelines I had to follow.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: So you still had CPS involvement when you got them
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: back the first time? Okay, So they were removed for
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: four months? How come you weren't following through.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Because at that time I had picked everything back up.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, So you're using kind of interfered and.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when I was saying, I was doing these things,
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: but no actions were being taken on anything.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then they got removed for four man months?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: How did you get them back again?
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: By checking the boxes again? Okay, doing the things that
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  Speaker 2: I was told to do. I had set messed down
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: and I was just drinking and smoking weed.
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  Speaker 3: But it was more.
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  Speaker 2: I was more involved in the school and I was
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: more involved in what they needed.
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  Speaker 3: And I did that until I got them back again.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, and then they get removed again. How much longer
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: after you had them back did they get removed again?
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: So that one was probably around a year a little bit.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: More that I kept still involvement always.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, once they came in, they were pretty much involved
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: the entire four or five years.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, Wow, So why did they get removed again?
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: And this time they got removed because that was my
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: second psychosis that I went into kind of.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: The same situation like the not sleeping, not eating.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this time CPS was you know, the state
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: stepped in. And at this point they were leaving NOSA
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: my door because I was dodging them and leaving voicemails
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: and you know, the whole had the whole family concerned.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: I had instigated it something with my father and a
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: dealer around town that involved him going to jail, and
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: so that everybody was worried about the safety of the kids. Sure,
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: and so at this time, my sister came to me
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: in like a moment of clarity where I had eaten
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: and I had slept for just a few days, and
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: she told me, if you don't you know, if you
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: don't do something now, you're not going to get them back,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: because the last time CPS came, you know, obviously unannounced.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: I opened the door and I was I was in psychosis.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: I was drunk. I had signed this paper and it
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: had twelve sheets on it and little four little boxes
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: on each sheet. Didn't know what I was signing. It
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: turns out that that was a petition to get me
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: completely off at their birth certificates and.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: No chance of getting them back, oh jeez.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: And so my family knew at that point what was
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: going on, because they contacted family and asked if any
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: of them would be willing to take the kids. But
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: I had no idea sure, and they weren't willing to
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: tell me why they were so upset with me and
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: why I shouldn't sign things. I didn't know, and what's
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: going on because at this point I was dodging them too, right?
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Absolutely? Uh at the time, how what was your thought
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: process with all of this. Were you like, yep, you're
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: absolutely right, my kids are not safe? Or were you angry.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: At that moment?
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: I agreed with with my family one hundred.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: Percent sure, had you prior?
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: No, I was angry.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: It's like, what are you talking about? My kids are fine.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I love them, They're safe, They're being taken care of of.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: You know, in the meantime, my kids were feeding themselves,
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: they were raising themselves at what ages.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: At this point? They were three and almost five?
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Sure so not? I mean, I don't think my kid
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: could use the microwave to save his life.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: He's five.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: But your kids were full on taking care of themselves.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Yep, they cereal. More times than not. They would eat
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: whatever was in the fridge. We went with milk, or
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: went without milk a whole lot, so they would just
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: eat whatever they could whip up.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: So, looking back on that, now, what are your thoughts
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: or how do you feel thinking about that?
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, for a long time I felt really terrible
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: sure about it, learning and understanding that I was a
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: sick parent was a big one for me because there
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: was a lot of guilts that tied in everything because that,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: you know, that's terrible for them to have grown.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Up like that.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: How is their functioning now? How old are they now?
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: Sorry, they're nine and eleven.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, they're functioning now. Is after a lot of therapy
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: they have both been deemed age appropriate?
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Oh good, Yeah, that's awesome. But it definitely impacted them, yes,
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: for sure, and impacted you and like your mental state
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: just with all of that, Oh definite than sure.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: So they get removed again, and then you is this
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: when you're twenty five yep, and decide to go into
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: silver living yep. How many treatments did you do between
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: nineteen and twenty five?
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: Between nineteen and twenty five, I did three treatments.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, and like successfully completed yep, checked all the boxes yep. Okay.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: So it sounds like you were able to function when
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: you wanted to. Yes, And then it was kind of like, well,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I have no one hovering, so I'll do whatever.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Ship.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: So what was the epiphany at twenty five? I mean,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I know your kids being removed, but at what point
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: or what was the thought when you were like, oh right.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: So from the time I started drinking up until then,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: I can't really count how many times that I had
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: tried to commit suicide.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: It just was so often.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: That I applied for the Sober Living right, and it
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: was during COVID, and so I had to wait three
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: months for a bed, and during that time, that was
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: my last stint of trying to kill myself, and I
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: knocked myself out for three days and like, I came
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: to you're sober and I wasn't sober, okay, So I
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: applied for the sober living and then I just kept
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: using because I can't get into the bed. And at
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: this point my kids were gone and so it was
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: just me. I actually purged my entire house. I got
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: rid of everything but one suitcase of clothes that I
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: would take with me because I didn't want my family
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: to have to worry about a funeral, placing my kids
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: and packing my house, and so I did that portion
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: for them. Geez.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: I was really prepared. I was giving things.
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: Back to people, like you borrowed me this once, or
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: you gave me this and I loved this, but you
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: can have it back, and just letting people know that
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: I loved them.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: They didn't pick up on any of this.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: I mean that was my lowest to low.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and at that point I burnt all my bridges. Sure,
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: and so they didn't really care or it didn't seem
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: that way. Sure, But when I came to after the
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: third day, I kind of, you know, thought, there has
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: to be another way. There has to be a reason
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: I'm here, There has to be another way to life
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: so I don't hate myself all the time, and maybe
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: I can fix myself and then go back for my kids.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How long after that did you get the phone
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: call about Silber Living. It was probably within a week,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: thank god.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: So when I applied, because it was in the middle
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: of COVID, no one answered me, and I sent a
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: lot of emails and a lot of Facebook messages. I
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: finally someone got back to me. And they didn't know
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: what that was going to look like for a bed, sure,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: because no one knew what it was going to look
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: like with the pandemic. But she did have requirements that
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: I needed to call her every Tuesday and Thursday, and
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: she had like a set hour time frame that I
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: needed to call her, and I did. I can't tell
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: you any of those times that I was sober and
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I made those calls.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Why do you think that was a requirement.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: To show that I really wanted it, that I wasn't
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: just applying and just checking another box.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Sure, Yeah, which I think is pretty telling because even
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: to be under the influence and still make those phone calls,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: I think shows that you wanted something different desperately, you know,
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: because it's not easy making a phone call when you're
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: under the influence or even remembering that, right, you know,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: like days kind of just blurred together. So okay, so
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: you got in. What happened? I did so really hard
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: for you to go?
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: Not really.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: I was really prepared at that point, sure, because, like
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: I said, add one suitcase, ready to go. My dad
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: had started talking to me again and he was willing
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: to go and drive me where I needed to.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: It's good.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: I knew the kids were safe.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: I where were the kids?
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: They were with their own uncle on their dad's side.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, And so I, you know, the night before, Yeah,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: and it was like, I don't have anything left, you know,
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: it'll be fine. My dad picked me up around six
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: thirty am, and then I was here in town.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: I didn't okay, probably a few hours.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: And I showed up to this house and everybody was
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: loving and you know, at this point, I haven't actually
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: been like physically hugged or touched in a long time,
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: and so I was kind of like rejecting it and yeah,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: get away from me. And at this point with COVID,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: we were still you know, we didn't know how it
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: was passed, and so I was immediately told you need
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: to go in the shower and then you can you know,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: they started digging through all my things.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: And I had no idea what was going on.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: And at this house, like it's a women's house, so
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: men are not able to be there, so my dad
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: could only drop me off and then.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Go, okay, so you had to really do it all alone.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Yep, and for yourself yep.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like that was needed though or necessary
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: at the time?
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: Oh definitely?
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: How come like I didn't see it then because I
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: had to learn how to function on my own. I
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: was an adult. I am an adult.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Like that was something that.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: You know, I'd never just been thrown in like that,
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: and I was able to grasp the love that they
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: were giving me. It took a while, but I was
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: able to experience that them wanting to get to know me.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: It's good. How long were you at sober living? I
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: was in sober living for eleven months? Okay, why do
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: you think that eleven months was necessary?
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: It gave me a whole different experience in life. I
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: you know, I went and I worked a program, and
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: I got a sponsor, and I did the suggestions like
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: getting a job, and I hadn't had one of those
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: in a long time. It gave me a different perspective
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: of life, and it gave me the peace of mind
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: that I needed to finally feel okay being me. And
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: it gave me an option to find out who I
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: really am.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Do you think the program did that slash sober living
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: or do you think just like being sober did that?
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: I think the program did that for me.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: How so I did you find yourself.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: In working on different items in the program? I learned
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: little things about myself on what I liked and what
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I didn't like, who I like to surround myself with
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: and who I didn't like to surround myself with, how
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: to be comfortable with boundaries and how to play them.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: I just got to find out, you know, where I
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: thought a higher power was, or what love really was
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: and what friendships really were?
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Sure? How okay? So you were in, so we're living
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: for eleven months and then you got out? What what'd
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: you do or what happened?
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: So I originally signed up for twelve months. I was
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: there for a year, and during that time I had
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: to make one of the harder decisions in my life
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: of bringing my kids home or not.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: And so once I decided, things just.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Fell into place to where you know, I found the
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: house and I got the school's right there and everything,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: and so I left at eleven months, and then my
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: kids were gone for sixteen months and in eighteen days
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: and so on my twenty seventh birthday, cause it's on
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: the twenty fifth, I got the best birthday present a
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: daily and I got to bring my kids home nice.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Uh, so your kids come home or like you said,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: making one of the hardest decisions you had to in
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: leaving sober living early, so your kids come home. It
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: all kind of fell into place. What have been like
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: some of the biggest struggles in I mean, because you
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: basically went from dependent living, you know, sober living where
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: there's rules and structure, to independent living where you have
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: to be a full time parent, which is extremely difficult.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: So what are some of the hard things you've had
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: to face since being sober and a parent and an adult.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: There's so much adult that's heart so.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: Hard, it's so worst.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: So when my kids came home, when I made that
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: that choice, I knew that I had done a lot
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: of damage to them. And so the reality was I
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: went to one place to heal and they had to
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: start their own healing journey.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: But we couldn't do it together.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: So once we were finally together, we had to we
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: had to learn to know each other, like we didn't
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: know who we were anymore. And so we went through
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: intense therapy for about three years. Sure, where'd you do
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: that at West Central?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Like as all three of you together or what did
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: that look like?
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: So we did.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: We actually had West Central End Summit and then we
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: also had a team at the schools for each of them.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: So each kid originally had two therapists separate, and then
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: I had my own therapist, and then we had a
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: family therapist.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Sure, and then on top of a therapists.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all of them, on top of you know, me
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: still having to maintain my program, which I go to
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: five meetings a week.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: And so it was a lot. It was. It was
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: really intense.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, you all slept good at night, very much.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: So from the extent of like I have to say,
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: the hardest thing when I newly got out and the
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: extent of the damage that I did to my son
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: was we were doing his intake and he was being
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: so at a place doing the intake that they separated
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: us and they took him to the kids room. I
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: did the intake and I was sobbing, and I get
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: down with the intake and I opened the door and
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: all the staff members are lined up and there's two
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: police officers at the end of the hall restraining my
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: six year old son. Oh no, and he said, Mom,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I thought you were leaving again and not coming back.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Oh because I had never told them goodbye. And you know,
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: it was a blessing within itself because we got to
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: see the extent of the damage and where we needed
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: to fix and ment.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: First sure, which was where.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: It was reconnecting us as a family and learning stability.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: They needed to know that I was here for the
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: long run and not going to lead them again, right
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: and that you know, that happened slowly and them trusting
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: you know that that Mom's sober this time, and Mom's
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: going to continue doing the things that she needs to do.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: To be here for us.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Right. How hard was it for you to stay sober
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: in that moment? Did you think about it? Using?
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: I didn't so in that moment, it was being in
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: sober living had worked me up with wanting to bring
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: the kids home and not wanting to bring him home,
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: and being told the hard truth of how damage they were,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: and it connected me to my sponsor even more, and
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: it connected me to my higher power, which is love.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: Even more.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: That in that moment, all I could do was I
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: press send on the phone to my sponsor, who listened
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: to me sob and had no idea what was.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: Going on, and I couldn't talk to her.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: I just remember rolling down the back of my car
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: because I was out of my car, and I locked
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: him in there for a minute because I just needed
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: five minutes. And I remember rolling down onto the ground
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: and just calling my sponsor as she talked me through everything.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: And so at that moment, I didn't I just knew
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: this is what I've been taught, this is what I
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: need to do.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Do you think if you would have not been
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: in sober living for that eleven months, Like, had you
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: left sooner, do you think that would have been like
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: ingrained in you as much?
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: No, I'll come for me. I feel like I had
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: never had structure. I had never been taught tools the
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: tools that I was taught in that house and learned
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: the lessons I needed to learn. You know, every every
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: consequence has you know, a teachable moment in it, sure,
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: and I had never received any of that in my life,
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: and so I don't feel like if I would have left,
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: I would.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Have been able to handle that in the moment.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Were there any behaviors that, if you think about your
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: parents maybe displayed with you that created some of like
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: that people pleasing and things that you talk about that
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: you did with your kids and didn't even notice.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Come to mind? Okay, Mom, I'm sure there is.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, your parents weren't users.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: They definitely were.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, yes, okay, Because sometimes it's just really I don't
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: it's cures. It makes me curious of like, you know,
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: some of the things that maybe were traumatic for us
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: growing up, we repeat those and I'm just wondering, like,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: is it a we don't even notice where repeating them
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: or like it was just ingrained in us. We can't
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: help it, or you know, because then it's like, well,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: now we're doing the same thing to our kids too, right,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: So why is this pattern repeating itself? You know? So
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: that's kind of why I asked the question because it's
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: just interesting to me. If it was that bad for us,
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: why do we do it?
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: Right? That makes sense, that's I guess what. My dad
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: was a pretty angry man, sure, and so he would
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: break things and.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: I did that for a long time.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: Like my kids like to call our mean mom. And
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: they used to bring up certain instances when they first
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: came home.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: Which was great that they did, so.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: We could talk through them about me breaking the TVs
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: when I was angry with them, or let me breaking
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: all their toys and like burning them and things. Wow
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: anger yep?
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Did you if you think about it, did you acknowledge
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: at the time that you were doing that? Like, wow,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: this is my dad? Yeah okayep, And but it just
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: kind of you couldn't help it, yep.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: Sure, Like oh that just you know got passed on.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it is what it is, I guess right, Yes, how.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Have you stopped that for me?
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: I do breathing, so I still get angry.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's definitely you know, I'm human, but I
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: now can catch myself in the moment because I'll like
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: go to yell and I'll be like, oh, and then
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: I'll just have to take a moment and take a
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: step back, whether that be go and sit in my
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: room for five minutes, or get out of the car
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: for five minutes, or just take a few deep breaths
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: and kind of just zone in on nothing, because it
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: happens a lot. My kids are in the fighting stage
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: sibling sibling. This is real, and so I just do
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: a lot of deep breathing. I mean my forms of
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: meditation are like certain certain songs that I'll just play
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: and I'll immediately feel calm and Okay.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Sure, that's good. Do you think your kids notice, like
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: has it become routine now where you're like, okay, mom
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: needs like five minutes where they leave you alone while
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: you're in your room. You know, do you think they've
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: recognized that, like, Okay, mom needs a break, so we
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: need to calm down or oh.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Definitely, really I sometimes I'll say I just need five minutes,
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: or sometimes I'll say, like I'm sensory overloaded right now,
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: and I need to step away and they'll get the
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: hint and just go because you know, they've been taught
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: a lot of tools and a lot of words to
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: use to and so I just bring it back down
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: to their level of things. They definitely you know, my kids,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: they call me out.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Happen then another tool?
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, they're like, Mom, we should probably call your sponsoring mom,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: you should probably go to a meeting, or mom are
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: being kind of like mean mom? And that one really
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: drops me back to where I need to definitely.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: Take a look at what's going on and do some inventory.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Sure, which is impressive that you can do that, you know.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: I mean you were using longer than you've been sober yep,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: So like as far as you've come and you know
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: the skills you're using to maintain your sobriety, that's pretty cool.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: What's been your best day sober? I've had so many,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: which is great.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: So like.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: For me, one of my best when I first got
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: sober and the kids were you know, had only been
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: here for about a year.
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: Like we have these word card games.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: Like table talk I think it is called, and we
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: pulled one out and it was crazy because I talked
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: about being sober, like what does your life look like sober?
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: And they're like, Mom, you should answer this one, not us.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: And they started to say things like, this is what
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: we see. We get a fun mom. We get a
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: mom that takes us places to eat, we get a
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: mom that takes us shopping, like, we get a mom
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: that makes sure there's food in the fridge, and like,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: you know, just.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: Tears rolling down.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't even have to answer any of that,
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: but they both chimed in and it was just amazing
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: to see. Now it's probably just getting to watch my
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: kids grow up and know it, like they come and
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: talk to me and they feel safe and they express
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: those things with me on a daily basis, and it's
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: just been phenomenal.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that's nice to hear too, because you know,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: people who maybe haven't gone through some of those struggles
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: with you know, the disconnection from their kids or whatever.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Like things we probably take for granted, right, things we
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: don't recognize or think about or are really present for,
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: but sometimes you don't appreciate them unless they're gone, you know.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: So I think it's also like that's a good reminder
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: for those of us who maybe take that for advantage.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: But also I think also telling of like how far
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: you've come in your recovery, you know that you can
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: just appreciate that you can, like take your kids to
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: school on their first day, right, things that you maybe
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have even thought about or been present for when
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: you were using.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: Definitely pretty cool.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: Do you still have a sponsor?
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: I do?
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the same one you've had the whole time? Yes,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: Why do you think a sponsor is really crucial? Oh?
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: My sponsor saves my butt so many times. My sponsor
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: is my connection when I can't feel the love. Yeah.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: So you've talked about like love being your higher power.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: How did you come to that realization.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: I struggled with the word god for a long time,
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: and so once I heard love is always the answer,
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: and that clung to me. And so like, if I
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: can show up with love in everybody's life, and I
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: can show up with love no matter or how they're acting,
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: no matter how I'm acting, and I know that my
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: higher power would love me regardless, just as they would
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: love them. That is that is what my ultimate you know,
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: goal is in life, and that's what I feel like
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: my higher power is very cool.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: So when you aren't feeling the love in your life,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: you call your sponsor and she connects me, okay, reminds
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: you or brings you back. Yeah, that's really cool. So
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: if you got to a point where you didn't, like,
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: let's say you weren't feeling the love, and then you
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: didn't have your sponsor to call, how quickly do you
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: think that would take you back?
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: So for me, at this point in my life, since
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: I've been sober, I've only ever thought about drinking.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: She's using once.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: That's good, right, So the feeling of wanting to go
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: back out is pretty gun. What does come back really
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: fast when I don't utilize my sponsors?
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Wanting to leave the earth?
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: Sure some of those suicidals, Yeah, okay, what goes through
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: your head when you're thinking that? Or like, what are
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: some of your thoughts? It's probably a better way to
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: put it when when you're going through that, and when
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I really.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: Down is things like my kids don't deserve to like
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: be here or why did I bring them back home?
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: You know, I could be doing things a.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: Whole lot better, and just like talking myself down pretty much.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Some like mom guilt kind yeah, sure, well they definitely
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: are better off with you here. But I just, you know,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: sometimes people don't understand the space that people are in
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: when they are loll like that, you know, and having
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: those suicidal thoughts, and so I just think that it's
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: important for people to you know, understand, like what is
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: going on in someone's mind when they're going through that
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: because it's dark, you know rain. So for anyone out
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: there right now who might be struggling, what would you
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: tell them.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: To reach out? There's a lot of loving people here
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: even though you don't see it, and you know, getting
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: in the rooms.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: So let's say you don't have anyone to reach out to,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: do you think just going to a meeting is definitely
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: the best alternative. Have you ever felt really in a
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: bad space and gone to a meeting? Like do people know?
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Can they tell? Or is it just all the okay there?
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: So there's all the time.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: There's been a lot more times that I didn't want
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: to go to a meeting that I still went. There's
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: been a lot more times that I felt uncomfortable in
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: those meetings then I felt comfortable. But I was there
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: to get out of my head because my head can
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: be a.
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: Really dark place.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Often, sure, I like, you know, my brain likes to
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: self down or talk down to myself all the time,
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: and so there's when I feel uncomfortable in there and
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: I can talk to people. I can just say, hey,
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: how's your day, Sure to get out of self. And
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: I find that at the end of those meetings they
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: usually go home and I feel, Okay.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: That's impressive and amazing and good that you have that,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: you know. I mean, they always say, what the day
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: you don't want to go is when you should? Yeah, well,
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: thank you for sharing today. I do feel like your
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: story is very refreshing, especially with the parenting stuff. You know,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: I think with parenting regardless, like we can all relate
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: in some aspects because it's really for goult, it's an adulting.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Adulting is really hard, and it's you know, like I
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: think sometimes we just don't get enough credit as people
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: for being an adult and adulting, you know, Like, so
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: kudos to you for parenting your children, being a good mom,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: working on your recovery, working a job, having a home,
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: buying groceries, taking them out to eat, right, yeah, all
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: the things. So good job for you.
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: Thanks, Yeah, thanks for having me.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: Absolutely